The Longest Night

EE Ottoman

For six years Richard and Tobias have written to each other sharing every detail of their lives and the occasional flirtation but they have never met in person. That changes when Richard is unexpectedly left without a job or home and Tobias offered him sanctuary for Yuletide. Although their attraction to one another burns bright over shared glasses of wine and books Richard fears taking a lover after too many years alone. As the snow falls deeper Richard and Tobias must find a way to navigate the long nights together.

The Longest Night: EE Ottoman

Copyright © 2020 by EE Ottoman

Cover by: EE Ottoman

Edited by: Marie Sager 

All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or within the public domain.

No portion of this book may be reprinted, including by electronic or mechanical means, or in any information storage and retrieval systems, without express written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations for the purpose of review. 

Content Notes

A note on the gender identity of the characters: this book depicts a romance between two transgender men. Due to the historical setting, however, this is not the language these characters use for themselves.

Content warning: this book includes two brief mentions of off-page animal death. A scene of morning for and remembrance of queer and trans dead. A scene including the discussion of a past sugar Daddy/sugar baby relationship, which is a form of sex work. A graphic sex scene between the two trans protagonists. Very brief mentions of period typical homophobia and transphobia throughout the book.  

Chapter 1

Manhattan, New York

December 18th, 1904

The Christmas tree was huge. A colossal fir several stories high decorated with glass baubles and silken bows. It would also be decked out with candles for the Christmas Eve ball.

It had been quite the challenge to choose the tree, Richard had made the trip out to the farm where it had been grown himself to make sure it was perfectly straight and healthy before paying for it. Then there had been the logistics of getting it into Manhattan, and into the Stanton Hotel's main lobby.  

It had been several weeks of planning communication with the Christmas tree farm, and getting the ornaments special ordered as well. It had taken Richard and a whole bevy of maids several hours to decorate it.

Still, it was a magnificent thing once it was completed, a giant golden star, encrusted with hundreds of tiny crystals shining on top, catching the light.

Most of the regulars had already come to watch the tree decorating and many of them had congratulated Richard on how particularly fine it looked this year.

He had thanked them with an appropriate amount of grace and modestly of course but internally he'd given himself a hearty pat on the back. It was a magnificent tree and would certainly be the biggest of any of the grand hotels in downtown Manhattan, and no doubt the talk of the town for the Christmas season.

New York's high society would turn out in droves to see it lit on Christmas Eve and Richard had already, discreetly, contacted several of the society newspapers to see if they would be willing to run illustrations of the "Largest Christmas Tree in New York City" after, or better yet, as a lead up to the event. The responses he'd gotten back had been promising.

Mr. Endicott would be pleased, Richard was sure of it.

He removed his pocket watch from his waistcoat and checked the time. He would need to supervise the set up for dinner in the grand dining room soon. Then five long hours until after service when he could retire to his own rooms.

There was a letter tucked into the breast of his coat and it had been burning a hole there since he'd picked it up from the front desk this morning before he'd headed out to pick the Christmas tree.

He wouldn't be able to read it until he was back in his rooms that night, preferably with his feet up and a hot toddy in his hand.  The return address read Tobias Eden, not that many other people sent Richard letters, his own name in Tobias's flourished, spidery handwriting.

As ever Richard had been ceased by the desire to open it and read it on the spot as soon as he'd seen it that morning.

It wouldn't be right though, not only did he have work but Tobias's letters were personal, not for the lobby of the Stanton Hotel. It was much more responsible for him to wait and read his personal correspondence on his own time. Not to mention more satisfying to savor it slowly and in private.

"Mr. Morton."

He turned to see young Mr. Eddington, his assistant maitre'd coming towards him.

"Mr. Endicott wants to speak with us both." Mr. Eddington's brows were pinched together and Richard frowned too.

It was a strange request. Although he was the hotel's owner, Endicott visited only every few months and then never unannounced. In Richard's experience, he never passed up an opportunity for the staff to make a fuss over him. When there were major decisions to be made about finances or hotel management Richard would be included in those meetings but not generally Mr. Eddington.

He followed Eddington back through the section of the hotel where the guests did not go to Mr. Endicott's personal office and knocked on the door.

"Enter."

Richard pushed the door open for both of them and they filed in.

Mr. Endicott stood by the fireplace, a glass of whiskey already in hand. Mr. Stone, the hotel's accountant, and Mr. Remington, Endicott's personal lawyer, was already seated in front of Endicott's desk.

Richard's stomach twisted, he knew before anyone had said a word that the only possible outcome of this meeting would be catastrophe.

He sat slowly in one of the remaining chairs with Mr. Eddington beside him.

"Gentlemen." Mr. Endicott turned to the assembled four of them. "It's with great personal sadness that I have to tell you that I have decided to shut the Stanton beginning immediately within the New Year."

Beside him, Richard heard Eddington gasp, while a slow, cold numbness spread out through his own body.

He'd worked at the Stanton for ten years. At this point, he all but ran the place himself. He handled the finances, balanced the books, hired staff, settled disputes, created the menus with their head chef, and oversaw every dinner service. He also served as the outward face of the hotel with the guests, remembering their names, seeing to their needs, always respectful, polite, and smiling.

The Stanton was the Stanton because of Richard's hard work, and now …

"Sir." He forced the words out. "Our finances are fine, we've operated within our budget for years now. In fact, if there is a hotel that turns a better profit in the city I would like to know about it."

Mr. Endicott waved his hand. "It's not the hotel." He said. "I've personally fallen upon some … financial difficulties that must be remedied immediately if my name and my reputation is to stay clean. Selling the Stanton would do the trick and I've asked around at my club to see if there is anyone who would like to take it off my hands but no one is interested in running a hotel. Too much work, which I can understand, Lord knows I've worked my fingers to the bone over this place." He looked up at the ceiling swirling the brandy in his glass.

Richard practiced taking deep breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth as discreetly as possible.

Mr. Stone cleared his throat into the silence and said. "It might help if you were to look for a potential buyer a little further afield than just your social club. If you don't mind me making the suggestion."

Richard threw him a glance of thanks.

"Too much trouble." Mr. Endicott said easily as if he wasn't speaking of all their futures. "No, these financial troubles must be handled quickly and quietly, over Christmas and the New Year while everyone is distracted with celebrations. The Christmas Eve ball will go on of course and then the whole hotel will be liquidated, investors paid off the rest will do nicely to clear this whole mess up. Best for everyone."

Except of course for the several hundred employees who'd be losing their job without prior warning over the New Year, including Richard himself.

It was like watching a train barrel towards him and having zero way to stop it.

"But in the meantime downsizing must begin." Mr. Endicott said as if reading Richard's mind. "Mr. Morton is invaluable to the Stanton of course but we'll only need one maitre'd for the rest of the time we'll be open."

Mr. Eddington had gone completely still. The only thing Richard could think of was that Eddington had a wife and two children. Just a few weeks ago Eddington had shown him a family portrait he'd had taken the last time the cabinet card photograph had been in his neighborhood. Richard could remember the photograph perfectly; Mrs. Eddington in her best dress the baby on her lap, Mr. Eddington holding his young daughter because she'd cried and not wanted to sit still for the photographer.

"I'm resigning." He said before he could think twice about it. "Effective immediately, consider this my notice. I will remove my belongings from the premises within twenty-four hours."

Mr. Endicott had stopped in mid-sentence, mouth slightly open. Probably because Richard had interrupted him, something Richard had never done before.

"But I need a maitre'd!" He said once he'd gathered his wits again.

"You have one." Richard nodded to Eddington. "Mr. Eddington has assisted me for two years, this will be his third Christmas Eve ball, he should be able to handle the preparations most effectively."

He stood, glad neither his hands nor his legs were visibly shaking. "Now if you will excuse me gentlemen I need to start packing."

Mr. Stone pinched the bridge of his nose. "You are making a mistake Mr. Endicott. The Stanton will sell for much more to the right buyer as a fully functioning hotel — "

"He doesn't have that long." Mr. Remington cut him off, speaking for the first time. "Mr. Endicott has already used all of the time he has been legally allowed. His creditors will not wait."

Richard closed his eyes very briefly, wondering just how many creditors there were, how deeply in debt Endicott was and why he hadn't acted to remedy the situation before now when he'd still had options. Probably because it would have taken too much work on his part.

Now they'd all pay the price.

Woodenly he let himself out of Mr. Endicott's office and made his way down to his own rooms.

He had a bedroom at the very end of a short hall with a washroom a few doors down. The other rooms on this hall were vacant since the current chef preferred to keep his own lodgings elsewhere and the hotel's housekeeper had married two years ago and gone to live at her in-law's house with him.

Richard wandered his room picking things up and putting them down. Most of the furnishings were the Stanton's, the linens too, and the rugs, throw cushions. The clock had come with the room as had his writing desk, the inkwell, and all the lamps.

All told it didn't take him long to gather up all the things he'd paid for with his own money and pack them into the travel trunk that had been gathering dust under his bed for just about the last decade. 

He was going to miss the dinner service. For some reason, realization upset him more than losing his job had. His hands began to shake, stomach-churning, and tears rising unbidden to his eyes.

Pull yourself together, he told himself. He just needed to leave then he could cry later.

He did one last sweep of the room, put on his hat and coat, and dragged his trunk out into the hall.

There a small knot of people had gathered, Mr. Eddington still looking shocked and pale around the mouth, Mrs. Heatherford the housekeeper and Chef Williamsburg all huddled together, whispering in low but urgent voices.

"Is it true?" Mrs. Heatherford said as soon as she saw him. "They're closing the hotel."

"That's what Mr. Endicott says." Richard no longer worked for Endicott so he figured he no longer had a responsibility to the man's confidentiality. "Not until after the Christmas Eve ball, of course, he'll want to milk every drop of money he can out of it first."

"And you quit?" Mrs. Heatherford asked, eyeing his trunk.

"I did." Richard began dragging the trunk down the hall. He'd take the servant's entrance out the back, he thought. Even now he was loathed to cause a scene and upset the guests by leaving out the front door.

Williamsburg snorted. "Good for you. I have half a mind to follow your lead."

"They may shut down the restaurant if you do." Mrs. Heatherford said. "Say the hell with the Christmas Eve ball and fire us all on the spot."

She was starting to look just as shocky as Mr. Eddington did.

Richard stopped and turned back to the group of them. "If you stay you will have a few more weeks' pay." He said as gently as he could under the circumstances. "A few extra weeks to prepare your households and get through Christmas day, at least, with money in your pocket.

Mr. Eddington can take my place as maitre'd, it'll be work but not undoable for one person. All of the lists, order forms, and menus are in my office Mr. Eddington, well your office now. If the guests have questions, tell them I'm ill. Make sure there is not a fuss and get through the Christmas Eve ball. Once Mr. Endicott makes the announcement that the Stanton is closing, reach out to the Waldorf, and the Hotel Victoria I know people there they'll consider you. And there's a new place in Brooklyn. If you need me to make calls I will."

"What we need is for you to take care of yourself." Mrs. Heatherford's hand landed on his arm. "Do you have someplace to go Mr. Morton?"

He didn't. He did not actually have any family in New York and no family at all that he'd spoken to for twenty years or more. 

He took a breath. "I'll be fine, Jenny. I have my savings."

There were hotels — not hotels like the Stanton — but comfortable enough, where he could stay until he'd decided what to do next.

"Take care of yourself." She squeezed his arm before letting go.

"Here." Williamsburg picked up the other end of his trunk and helped him carry it down the narrow stairs and along the back passageway to the servant's entrance.

Maids, waiters, and kitchen staff hurrying back and forth through the narrow servant's passages stopped to stare at them as they went by.

"You'll have to think of something to tell them," Richard said to Williamsburg when they were out back in the alleyway.

"I'll tell them you've gone to be with your sick mother," Williamsburg said with a small humorless smile.

"Good luck," Richard told him and meant it.

Williamsburg just shrugged. "You'll need it before I will."

He turned back to the hotel and dinner service and Richard dragged his trunk out of the alley to look for a trolley that would take him to a hotel he could actually afford.

He kept tight control over his emotions during the bumpy ride on the trolley and while checking into his small and sparse but clean room in the Milford Hotel. 

Only once he was seated on the quilt-covered bed, his trunk at his feet and his head in his hands did he let the tears come.

Then he cried.

Chapter 2  

Richard lay, curled in bed reading through the letter for the second time by what little light was still trickling between the curtains of his hotel room. 

My dearest friend.

The orchard had put forth a bounty of late season apples and I am overjoyed. I had thought we must surely have seen the end of apple season in October but lo, when I took my walk through the orchard yesterday I realized there was still a small bushel to be had. A small miracle. These last gifts from the orchard are small and taste of the coming winter but are still delicious. They made me think of you and how you always tell me you are not a great cook and then detail all of the delicious things you have helped prepare in the hotel's kitchens. Either you are either too modest when it comes to your own accomplishments or you are lying to impress me. I know which of those options I believe to be true. I thought I'd make myself a little country pie with the apple and have it with my tea while I read this afternoon.

I imagine you reading this alone after a long day's work feet up, robe on. Imagine your big hands and sweet mouth. I think of you always.

Your friend

T

Richard's fingers lingered over the words my dearest friend. Tobias had underlined it even as he hadn't presumed to be Richard's dearest friend, which was just ridiculous. Richard assured Tobias of his effects regularly.

He needed to send a telegram, let Tobias know he was no longer living at the Stanton. He needed to do it soon before Tobias sent another letter. Richard was pretty sure that if another letter for him arrived at the Stanton, Eddington or Heatherford would make sure he received it but he still didn't want to risk it.

Tobias could be flirtatious in his letters and while Richard most certainly didn't mind there could be real issues if someone else were to open the letter instead.

He knew he was bound to worry Tobias though and he didn't want that. Still, practicality won out.

He got himself up and dressed to go out, tucked the letter away with the others from Tobias in his trunk, locked it, and headed out to find the nearest telegraph office.

He sent a terse message advising Tobias that he was no longer employed at the Stanton Hotel and not to send any personal correspondence until Richard had a secure address to send it to. Then he went back to his hotel room and tried to compose a longer letter explaining the situation. It was hard, he only had a pencil to write in, which was slower than a pen, and his hand shook as he tried to form the words, tears rising all over again.

When he finally emerged with the morning sun, eyes feeling gritty after not having slept much and cried too often there was a telegram waiting for him at the front desk.

No longer working at the Stanton? Where are you staying? If no formal lodgings come to my house upstate. Will not hear otherwise.

T.

Richard stared at the telegram, then went to find a cafeteria that was open early. He found one, already brightly lit and clean selling coffee, toast, eggs, and kidney hash for breakfast.

The idea of food turned his stomach but he bought coffee and sat at the counter under one of the plate glass windows that looked out onto the street, sipping it and reading the telegram over several times.

The phrases come to my house and will not hear otherwise kept jumping out at him. Richard bit his lip and took a gulp of his too hot coffee. In his locked trunk back in his hotel room there was a stack of letters, carefully tied together with a silk ribbon and an along with a cranberry red gold embossed cabinet card with a photograph of a man in a neat suit, delicately featured with curling hair a little too long and a pair of spectacles perched on his nose, all from Tobias. Richard knew Tobias had a matching cabinet card of him as well.

For the last six years, he'd received a letter from Tobias Eden every other week and wrote him back almost as regularly.

They had never met each other in person though.

Richard had answered an advertisement he'd seen in a very selective publication looking for a "man who had passed through the phases of accomplishments to become a gentleman indeed and would like to correspond on topics such as books, nature, art and a healthy interest in the finer details of food and drink." Richard had clipped it out and still had it along with Tobias's letters.

"Accomplishments" were learned at girls boarding schools and Richard had been drawn to the idea of a friendship with a man who had also "passed through the phases of accomplishments to become a gentleman."

He hadn't known the man would be Tobias, that they would write to each other for six years and get to the point where Tobias would write him flirtatious things about Richard's hands and lips. 

Richard hunched forward over his cup of coffee and the telegram a little bit crumbled now around the edges.

Truthfully he'd never expected them to meet in person. As maitre'd of the Stanton Hotel Richard had barely had time to leave the hotel grounds on personal business much less travel outside of New York City. He had received half a day on Sundays and a full day off only once a month. The idea of them meeting, actually meeting, had never come up although Richard had thought about it, fantasized about it even. He'd started and then abandoned multiple letters to Tobias suggesting just that, but he'd always lost his nerve.

What if they did not like each other so well in person? What if Tobias decided Richard was not nearly as attractive in person as he'd imagined him to be? What if Richard thought everything was fine and had a wonderful time only for Tobias to never write to him again afterward?

Now felt like the worst possible moment to test any of that. Not when Richard was already the lowest he'd been in the last six years, his prospects laying in ruins with no clear way forward yet available to him.   

He had nowhere else to go and what was he going to tell Tobias if not yet? He'd never lied to Tobias before and the idea of doing so now made him feel sick.

Part of him really wanted to go to Tobias's house, to actually be able to embrace and hold him and let Tobias fuss over him, feed him apple pie, and make things better. Another part though didn't want to see Tobias, to meet him in person for the first time, until Richard was settled again, no longer in crisis, preposterous and self-sufficient. He wanted to come to Tobias with gifts and regale him with stories of the fine hotel Richard all but ran, not like this.

His fingers found the corner of the telegram, folding it and refolding until the paper frayed.

Outside the cafeteria window, it had started to rain, icy sleet that promised black ice on the sidewalks and probably actual snow later in the day. 

Richard sighed and gulped down the rest of his coffee, dropped some coins on the saucer, tucked the telegram safely back into the inside pocket of his overcoat, and headed out into the rain.

It wasn't a long walk back to the hotel but still by the time he got there he knew what choice he'd made.

He went back up to his rooms and sat to compose a telegram before heading back to the telegraph office.

If you will have me I will come. Port Henry Station, 3pm,  Dec 20th.

R.

His hands shook a little as he handed the paper over to the telegraph office but he'd trusted Tobias for six years, relied on him, and confided in him. What sort of a friend would he be if he'd stopped now that times were hard, assuming the absolute worst of Tobias' character in the process?

He let out a long breath once it was sent, feeling strangely lighter on his walk to catch a trolly and buy his train ticket.

For all that this was not the circumstances he would have picked for their first meeting in a few short days he would finally have a chance to meet Tobias in person.

That realization made him feel happy, nervous, and excited all at once, a nerve wracking and exhilarating feeling all at once. He pressed one hand over his mouth, distracting himself by mentally counting the number of coins and bills in his pocket.

Even with the extra expense of the train ticket he might still have money left over to buy Tobias a little something for Christmas anyway.

He'd been planning on a fine pen set they'd been selling at his favorite pen and paper shop. That was out of the question now, with his future finances so uncertain but there were other options. New York City's shopping district grew by leaps and bounds every year. To Richard's eyes, there were now about twice the shops and even department stores this year than there had been last year.

He picked a department store he'd never been in before, a huge building with a handsome stone facade and large glass windows showing off sumptuous displays of goods.

Inside was warm, clean, and well lit, with fine tiled floors, smartly dressed store employees moving between the neat displays.

Richard dithered amongst the imported candies and soaps, trying to calm his nerves with the trivialness of reading labels and sniffing delicately molded soap bars.

He didn't know what type of soap Tobias preferred though and had no idea what he smelled like. Although that train of thought started his heart pounding all over again.

Men's haberdashery felt safer; Richard had a good eye for what was fashionable after watching most of New York's high society circulate through the lobby of the Stanton and what man wasn't always in need of a new tie pin or pair of cufflinks?

He considered these two options along with a good selection of pocket squares and decided on a watch chain, handsome enough but still within his price range.

Although he had a moment of heart-squeezing regret right after he paid for it when he realized it was noticeably not as fine as the one he currently wore. His own pocket watch had been bought several years ago when the amount of money in his pocket had been a good deal more, carefully picked with the knowledge that he would be the face of the Stanton hotel and his own appearance needed to mirror the grandeur and pomp of the place while still being tasteful for someone who was still technically a servant.

It was unadorned but heavy and finally made. It suited Richard's own solid build, his portly stomach, and heavyset shoulders.

The chain he'd just brought was thinner and more delicate and although he was very tempted to switch them and give it to Tobias instead, in truth the new chain would suit Tobias better.

He took the chain in the very handsome box the young man packed it and tucked it into his overcoat pocket.

He could feel tears prick at the corners of his eyes again even as he had to bite his lip to keep the giddy smile from spreading across his face.

Tomorrow he'd get on a train and Tobias would be waiting at the other end. He'd be able to see him for the first time, embrace him and give him his gift in person this year.

Richard's heart fluttered at the very thought, and, even though his stomach also turned a little bit with nerves, he still couldn't keep from smiling all the way back to the hotel.

That night his dreams were of snow, but with the knowledge of brighter days at the other end.

Chapter 3

Upstate New York

December 20th

The train came to a stop in the station, jerking Richard up and out of the half doze he'd been in for the last few hours. It had been a long train ride, straight north with far too many stops between Manhattan and Port Henry.

The sky outside had been dark grey and heavy with clouds all day, spitting fine snow for most of that time. 

Richard had chosen a seat closest to the window, buried himself as deeply as he could in his overcoat and heaviest wool muffler, and let his mind drift as the train had plowed its way upstate, past dense forest, rivers and, occasionally, farmland.

There was bustling all around him from the passenger who'd stayed on the train just as long as he had and he hurried himself to collect his trunk.

Outside the sky was even darker than it had been all day, a sharp, cold wind blowing the snow and pulling at the edges of Richard's overcoat.

He stopped once he was a few paces away from the press of people around the train and scanned the small platform.

"Richard Morton?" A soft voice said and Richard whipped around to face a man.

He was taller than Richard, which wasn't hard most people were, but still Richard hadn't expected it. Slender even bundled into a heavy grey wool overcoat. His gently curling hair, just long enough to touch the back of his collar was red, which Richard hadn't expected either. Silver rimmed spectacles caught what was left of the light.

He'd been standing just a pace or so behind Richard and had one hand out as if he'd wanted to clasp Richard's shoulder or his arm but must have thought better of it because as Richard watched it fell back to his side.

"Yes." He said, and his voice came out with a little bit of a quaver to it. "I am Richard Morton. Tobias Eden, I presume?"

He did look like his photograph, even with the things the black and white image had kept hidden it was still unmistakably him.

"Yes." Tobias shoved his hands in the pockets of his big coat. "I brought a cart for your trunk. I don't think there's room for a passenger unfortunately so we'll have to walk but it's not too far."

He made to reach for the other end of Richard's trunk.

"I have it," Richard assured him, hefting the trunk himself and carrying around the back of the train station to where a small cart and pony waited.

Richard was grateful he wasn't going to have to carry the trunk all the way to Tobias' house, which he had been preparing to do, and heaved it onto the back of the cart while Tobias took the pony's reins and began leading it down the road.

"Is the pony yours?" Richard asked, falling into step beside him.

"Oh no." Tobias absently patted the pony's nose. "The pony and cart belong to a neighbor but I assumed you would have luggage so I borrowed it for the afternoon."

They were heading away from what small town seemed to be here with farmland but mostly forest stretching out on either side of the road as they watched.

Richard eyed the woods around them suspiciously. He hadn't grown up actually in New York City but not far from it and he'd lived in Manhattan for his entire adult life.

There were a lot of trees here. It made him vaguely uneasy.

Beside him Tobias didn't seem bothered though, leading the pony on.

"How far is your house?" Richard asked as they continued.

"A mile and a half or so further along." Tobias' gaze went to the sky. "Not far at all, as long as it doesn't snow on us."

Richard really hoped it didn't. He walked further than that whenever he went out into the city, but that was along paved sidewalks, with always somewhere to duck into if the sky opened up and not dirt roads with nothing but trees on either side. Although he supposed the trees did lean over the road protecting them somewhat.

It did start to snow, more heavily before long, the road ahead of them slowly becoming carpeted in a thin layer of white.

The trees opened up finally, giving way to sheep pastures cut off from the road by low stone walls.

"The farm where the pony is from is just up here." Tobias pointed. "And then there is my house. I'm sorry it's such a long walk in the snow but I promise you I made sure the fire in the stove was well built up before I left and the fireplace was banked and I have warm wine for us if you would like." He threw Richard a glance and then looked away shyly.

Something about that made Richard's stomach flutter. "I would like that."

There was a man in one of the sheep pastured, hunched over against the snow. Tobias waved to him as they passed.
"Henry." He called out.

"Tobias." The man half jogged over to the other side of the stone fence and Richard realized he had a long shotgun tucked under one arm.

Tobias brought the pony to a halt. "Did it get another one?" He asked, sounding concerned. "Ewe this time, one who'd produced some good lambs for me in the past too." The man — Henry looked grim. "A dog got loose and went wild I suspect."

Richard's gaze went to the dark line of woods, just at the other end of the pasture and he hunched deeper into his coat.

Tobias made a sympathetic noise. "I hope you scare it off before it gets another one of your sheep." He said and then looked over at Richard. "This is my friend Richard Morton, the one I write to, from the city. He's come to spend Christmas with me this year. Richard this is Henry Levy. He owns the farm that boarded on my land and also this fine pony."

"Thank you for the use of the pony and cart." Richard tipped his hat to Henry. "I appreciate not having to carry my trunk all the way from the train station."

"It's no problem at all." Henry returned his smile. "I'm glad Tobias is having a guest for Christmas; he spends too many alone."

"Yes I am almost entirely a shut-in, everyone knows that," Tobias said it lightly as if it were a joke but Richard could see his mouth pinch unhappily out of the corner of his eye. 

"It's just good to see you have company," Henry said gently. "Return the pony whenever you're finished with her, or I'll come collect her if that's better for you."

"I wouldn't want to put you out," Tobias said. "I know you have work today."

Henry shrugged. "The older boys and Sarah can see to the sheep. I'd rather come to get the pony than have you walk the roads at night with this dog about. I know you don't own a gun." 

"Well come in twenty minutes time," Tobias said. "We will be ready for you then."

Henry nodded and waved as Tobias pulled on the pony's reins and they started off again.

"You have wild dogs here?" Richard asked, eyeing the trees at the far end of Henry's fields, glad they weren't passing through any more forested areas.

"Not usually." Tobias frowned. "There's been something out there though. It's bitten a couple of Henry's sheep although this is the first one it's killed. Jamie, Henry's youngest boy, says he thinks it's a wolf in the woods." He shook his head. "Henry's right though, it's probably a feral dog."

"Wolf?" Richard had never heard of wolves in New York state but then he'd never been this far north. The entire thing seemed strange and sinister to Richard.

"Obviously it's just a story," Tobias said a little self-consciously, obviously sensing Richard's discomfort. "There aren't really any wolves in these woods and we shouldn't dwell upon such things anyway."

His free hand drew out of his coat pocket and for a heart-stopping moment, Richard thought Tobias would take his hand, right there on the road.

He didn't though, but Richard's heart still pounded just the same.  

The fields gave way to a neat orchard, trees bare now and gently carpeted with snow. Beyond the orchard was a small stone cottage, with a low stone wall around it. Tobias tied the pony to the gate post, as Richard got the trunk off the back of the cart and followed him up the path to the house. 

It was already dusk out and Tobias unlocked the door and bustled inside turning and lighting gas lamps as he did.

Richard was relieved at how cozy the inside of the cottage was, with a clean if a little threadbare rug on the floor in the entryway, pegs for coats on the walls, and a side table with a lamp on it.

Richard set down the trunk and pulled off his overcoat and muffler, hanging both up as Tobias moved deeper into the house lighting lamps all the way.

The house was warm as Tobias had promised.

Richard could smell wood smoke, mixed with cedar and something spicy underneath that.

"Let me show you your room." Tobias came back into the hall carrying a lit lamp and clattered up the stairs to the second floor with Richard trailing behind him, carrying his trunk.

The door he pushed open allowed Richard to see a small but neat room, with a quilt on the bed and an unlit lamp on the bedside table.

"I know it's not big," Tobias said apologetically and Richard shook his head.

"It'll suit me, thank you."

"Well I will let you unpack," Tobias said, lighting Richard's lamp for him as well. "I'll heat up supper for us. Come down when you're finished and we can eat. I'm sure you're hungry."

Richard wanted to say, something soothing and heartfelt felt but Tobias had already left, shutting the door behind him before he could think of anything.

Richard sighed, and sat on the edge of the bed.

Was Tobias already regretting inviting him here? He didn't want to think that but his stomach was twisted into an anxious knot and when he closed his eyes every interaction they'd shared so far would come flooding back making him cringe.

This was not the way he'd imagined it but then they'd not had any time alone in private yet had they barely had any time at all.

He got up without unpacking his trunk and took the lamp downstairs with him in search of Tobias.

The downstairs of the house was warm and brightly lit. There was a fire blazing in the fireplace of the sitting room he passed, every surface absolutely piled with books, and the stove was lit in the kitchen as well he found when he ducked into it.

Tobias was there, fussing with food on the kitchen table, "I know that you probably didn't get to eat a midday meal." He said when he saw Richard "and I thought you might like something hot so I have kidneys stewed with potatoes, onions, carrots and bacon and toast, fresh butter and applesauce. It's not a great deal I know — "

"It sounds delicious. I've been wanting a hot meal all day." Richard gently cut him off, trying to soothe the agitation he could feel coming off Tobias in a wave. "Here let me help you carry the food to the table."

Tobias didn't move though, he'd stopped, and was just looking at Richard.

With his coat off Richard could see the light blue shirt he was wearing was frayed around both of the cuffs and his brown wool waistcoat had a small patch in it.

"What happened?" Tobias said, voice suddenly serious and low, very different from the forced cheerful chattered he'd been keeping up since the train station. "In your telegram, you said you no longer work at the Stanton Hotel and you didn't have a place to stay! What happened Richard?"

"Endicott is shutting down the hotel," Richard said, the words causing a hole in his chest to open up all over again. "He has debts he can't pay off. He told us he'd be closing the hotel as soon as the new year started and I couldn't stay. If I'd stayed he would have fired Eddington, my second, and he has children."

"Oh, Richard." Tobias's voice was so soft, so full of sympathy.

Richard could feel the knot form in his throat, the tears gathering behind his eyes, tears he realized he wasn't going to be able to hold back. 

Nothing about meeting Tobias for the first time had gone the way he'd imagined it would and this felt like the final humiliation.

But Tobias was opening his arms, as the first tears made their paths down Richard's cheeks, his expression nothing but tenderness and concern. Richard finally staggered the few steps between them and collapsed against Tobias's body, buried his face in Tobias' shoulder, and wept.

  For all his slender frame, Tobias's arms around him were strong. The crook of his neck smelled like cedarwood and apples and Richard could feel his heart beating fast where their chest pressed together. He held Richard as Richard cried.

"I've been worried sick these last few nights thinking of you, wondering where you were staying and if you were safe." He said voice low after Richard's ragged sobs had passed.

"I was staying at a hotel." Richard wiped his eyes on his sleeve, drawing back a little bit although not far. "I didn't know where else to go or what to do. I still don't know what I will do."

"You'll stay here." Tobias's hands were still on him, his grip still tight on Richard's arms. "You can see I have plenty of space … oh Richard, I am so sorry."

Richard curls back around him again, wanting to hold on and not let go.

Tobias held him tightly too.

They didn't end up eating in the dining room, although it was lovely enough. Tobias cleared books off the side tables in the living room and they ate sitting in the armchair in front of the fire.

There were the kidneys Tobias had promised, stewed with vegetables and toast with fresh yellow butter, apple sauce, and glasses of warm spiced wine.

Richard stayed there, after the food was gone, holding the glass between his hands, watching the fire. It was good to be fed, safe, and warm.

Tobias beside him was quiet, some of the awkwardness of before still hanging between them.

Richard found himself glancing over at him, watching the play of light on his face, tracing the shape of his mouth.

It felt strange to know someone so well and yet never have sat beside them before, never shared a meal with them. He'd never heard Tobias's voice before today, never seen the shape of his hands.

They were small hands, with delicate long, fingers curled around Tobias's glass of wine. Richard wanted to take them in his, braid their fingers together and kiss the backs. It would be so easy, all he'd need to do is reach out across the short space between them. Tobias would welcome it even, smile at him, let Richard hold his hand.

There was still a sliver of doubt there though, cold and sharp and it kept Richard's hands where they were.

They talked about what books Tobias had read recently and the apples he'd mentioned in his last letter. The small things they normally wrote to each other about. Richard didn't talk about the hotel as he normally would have and Tobias didn't flirt as he so often did in his letters. Richard wished he would, then he would have been able to reach out. Then maybe the doubt would go away.

Tobias didn't say anything untoward though and didn't reach for him either. Richard, who could only bear the creeping tension for so long, made his excuses and went to bed early.

He slept restlessly that night; dreamt of himself walking the road they'd taken from the train station, this time alone as the deepening snow piled up higher around him. The woods lay thick on either side of the road from underneath the trees golden eyes watched him, lips pulled back from long teeth in a hungry, waiting mouth.

Chapter 4

Richard woke before the sun, disoriented in the dark of an unfamiliar bedroom. The air outside his bed covers was chill against his face.

He got up anyway, washed and dressed as he did every morning, and went downstairs.

Tobias wasn't up yet but that was alright, Richard knew where the matches were from the evening before. He lit a lamp, stoked the first in the living room back to life.

There was a small grey cat with pretty white boots on each of their paws sleeping next to the stove in the kitchen. He made a soft noise to it as he knelt to light the stove and the cat opened bottle-green eyes and yawned hugely before rising to butt their head against his knees.

Richard laughed softly and gave the cat some head pats and scritches behind the ears before rising to start the water heating for coffee.

It was good to work. He'd never spent this many days, altogether, idle in his entire adult life. Having something to do with his hands was a relief.

Normally this week would bring an avalanche of work to be done, endless chaos as things inevitably went wrong with planning for the Christmas Eve ball at the end of the week and seeing to the massive surge of guests who come into the city for the holidays.

For the last three years in a row in fact he'd been awakened early by some distraught member of staff with a crisis already at hand. This time last year he'd been kneeling in someone else's vomit trying to make sure a guest, who'd come in from a party only hours before hadn't died.

Now only the sound of the kettle boiling and the cat purring around his ankles broke the quiet morning. He stood by the window as the coffee steeped and watched the sunrise above the snow-covered trees, pale gold against the cloud swept sky.

There were footsteps on the stairs and then Tobias came into the kitchen, still dressed in a dressing gown, nightshirt, and slippers, hair a mess.

He stopped in the doorway when he saw Richard, standing there, fully clothed and a slow flush spread across his cheeks and down his neck.

"Good morning," Richard said gently and poured him a cup of coffee. "Did you sleep well?"

"I slept alright." Tobias took the cup, cradling it between his hands. "I apologize though, I should have been up first and made you coffee."

Richard laughed. "I am used to getting up well before the sun. I didn't expect you to rise before that. Besides I've been idle for too long, I need to have something to do."

Tobias sat at the kitchen table, legs stretched out in front of him, showing a strip of pale ankle and calf below the hem of his dressing gown.

Richard tried not to look at it, it would remind him too much of how few layers Tobias currently had on. Besides those pale, bare ankles coupled with Tobias' sleep tousled hair, felt too intimate somehow.

The cat pushed themselves against Tobias's legs and he petted their head absently, gaze still on Richard. "You've only been out of work a few days, surely you can take a little bit longer to rest," Tobias said, his tone questioning but not chiding. 

Richard looked down at his own hands, callused and worn, the fingers thickened from physical work although he tried to keep them neat and clean, nails tidy, skin as soft as possible. There was a tension building inside of him, a strange restlessness that came with inactivity.

"I need to work." He said. "Do something; what can I do?"

Tobias looked at him for a few moments and then looked around the little kitchen as if searching for a task to set Richard to.

Richard held tight to his cup to keep from fidgeting, from telling Tobias not to bother if it would be too much trouble he'd find something to do on his own. Although he wasn't sure what that would even be.

"Would you like to help me decorate?" Tobias said finally. "I don't always bother but it might be nice this year."

"Of course," Richard said relieved, here was something he could do and do well. "What were you thinking of?"

Tobias stretched his chin as the cat jumped into his lap and made themselves comfortable there. "I've done garlands before. We have plenty of evergreens here and a fairly large holly plot as well."

Richard nodded "I can make garlands. I do it every year. I can go out after breakfast if you'd like and see what greenery I can find."

Tobias smiled at him. "Garlands would be lovely but take your time, there is no rush." He was silent for a few moments, gaze resting on the steaming cup before him before he looked back at Richard again. "I would assume you're used to a faster pace of life, more work to do, more things to occupy your time. My life tends to be very slow here. I read, I write, I go for walks, I cook when the mood strikes me. That's what makes me happy but the fact that you might need something different didn't occur to me when I invited you."

Richard shook his head. "I'm just grateful for a place to stay."

That must have been the wrong thing to say because Tobias' mouth instantly flattened, his expression shifting into an unhappy frown.

"I don't want you to be grateful. I want you to be happy here." Tobias snapped voice sharper than Richard had yet to hear it.

Tobias stopped, closed his eyes, pushing his glasses up so he could pinch the bridge of his nose. 

Richard didn't know what to do or what to say. The silence that settled between them was heavy and unhappy.

"I'm sorry." Tobias finally said. "I can't dictate the way you feel and I really don't want to. I just …" He fingers twisted together on the tabletop and he looked past Richard out the kitchen window at the blanket of snow and the pale sunlight beginning to steam through.

Several times Tobias looked like he was about to speak but then swallowed the words down.

"I hate the idea that you feel beholden to me." He said finally. "I know what that's like and, while not the end of the world, I don't want it for us. I own this house." He gestured around them at the kitchen. "Because I had a … patron who was a good deal older than me. While he was alive he made sure that I was fed and clothed and always had a little money to spend and after he passed he left this house and land, his book collection, and enough money to live on if I am very careful.

"I had a great deal of affection for him, you understand, but mostly I was very grateful for all his many kindnesses. Now I will have to be grateful for the rest of my life. Obviously, it's a small price to pay considering the destitute state I was living in before I met him but it's more of a burden than I ever wanted to put on you."

The little cat jumped off his lap and Tobias braced one foot against the rung of the chair, hooking his hands around his knee.

"I don't want to keep you, Richard. I don't want you to feel kept or beholden or like you can't walk away because you owe me some sort of debt. But I do want to help you because you're struggling right now and I care about you very much." He drew in a long breath and then let it out in a huff that was almost a laugh. "I had hoped when we met things would be different."

That at least was a sentiment Richard understood well. He reached across the table and took Tobias's hand in his.

It was easy doing it now, Tobias' fingers warm and a little bit dry against his. He wasn't sure why it had seemed impossible last night.

"I had hoped it would be different too." He said. "I imagined it differently. When I came here I wanted to be a prosperous man who could look after himself, not like this."

Tobias's fingers curled around his. "You can look after yourself just fine. I've never thought otherwise and I don't want you to feel otherwise. I was so lonely for such a long time. Lonely enough to put an ad in the paper looking for a friend and I found one." Tobias squeezed Richard's hand tightly. "Writing to you has brought me such joy Richard but I've been afraid for years that meeting you in person would ruin it, that I would ruin it."

That jolted Richard, to have his own secret fears laid out bare between the two of them, knowing that Tobias felt the same way.

It was easy for him to rise then and come around the kitchen table, to bend over Tobias and take both his hands in Richard's.

"You didn't ruin it." He said. "You never could."

He bent and brushed a kiss across Tobias's forehead and Tobias made a small noise in the back of his throat and lifted his face towards Richard's. His hand tugged free of Richard's grasp and cupped Richard's jaw. 

Then they were kissing each other, really kissing.

Tobias's mouth was warm, soft, and giving underneath Richard's. Tobias made a soft noise against Richard's mouth, one hand still pressed against the side of his face, the other balled into a fist in the front of his jacket.

Want slammed into Richard so hot and heady it made his stomach knot and his hands shake. He wanted to touch Tobias but he was afraid if he started he might never stop and he didn't …

He pulled back finally.

Tobias was half out of his seat already, cheeks flushed, lips wet and even softer looking than they'd felt. Richard's gaze fixed there for a moment before he jerked it away.

"The firs, I should go look …" He trailed off, unable to stop looking at Tobias where he still sat. There was a patch of bare skin right below his collar bone where the front of his nightshirt wasn't tied properly.

Richard wanted to lick it. He wanted to press his fingers against Tobias' throat and feel the beat of pulse there.

He turned on his heel and fled the room before he could do anything at all.

His boots, coat, and muffler were still in the hall. He pulled them on as quickly as he could before opening the front door open and trekking out into the snow.

It was cold outside, the chillness of the air hitting him like a slap across his face, but Richard welcomed it. It helped cool his overheated skin.

His breath hung in long plumes in front of him as he stamped his way through the snow to the tool shed behind the house and picked himself out a pair of gardening shears.

There was less than a foot of snow on the ground in most places, far less than he had feared there might be. There were several evergreen trees directly behind the house but Richard didn't want to put unsightly holes in any of them. Besides he needed the walk. He headed back towards the woods instead.

Not that he planned on going too deep amongst the trees. He didn't know what was in the forest after all.

Luckily almost as soon as he ducked under the cool green branches he saw some firs and long-needled evergreens that would work for his purposes.

It took him a good few minutes of work; inspecting, selecting, and cutting branches before he could breathe easily again and his heart stopped feeling like it was going to jump out of his chest.

He sighed and leaned against the trunk of one of the trees. Clearly, he should not have run away and left Tobias. Instead, he should have stayed and explained himself somehow although he had no idea what he would have said.

I want you but I'm also afraid? It had been over a decade since he'd taken a lover and had more than his own hands on his body. The idea of doing it now was more overwhelming than titillating. Mostly though he didn't want to get it wrong, not with Tobias.

He drew in a deep breath that stung his lungs and let it out in a great puff of white. He clipped off more branches and added them to the pile.

I was afraid I'd ruin it, Tobias has said and Richard had been afraid of that too, still was.

The back of his neck prickled and Richard became suddenly very sure that he was being watched.

He swung around expecting to see a boy from one of the neighboring farms or even Tobias come after him but there was nothing.

Slowly he turned in a slow circle, gaze sweeping the trees that increasingly felt as if they were closing in on him on all sides.

He couldn't see anything or anyone, just trees and snow, batches of light were the sun shown through but also places still in deep shadow. It was too easy to imagine the golden eyes from his dreams watching him from those shadows.

A chill went up his spine that had nothing to do with the cold.

He picked back up his armful of firs, plus the shears, and started back towards the house with them.

Tobias wasn't anywhere to be found when Richard pushed back open the door to the house, wrestled off his boots, coat, and other outerwear again.

He came down the stairs though while Richard was carrying the fir boughs into the sitting room to layout in front of the fire.

"Here, let me help you with that." Tobias fetched an old tablecloth and laid it on the floor so Richard could arrange the branches on top.

He was dressed as he had the day before, in soft, faded trousers, shirt, and waistcoat, his hair neatly combed back down.

"Do you have wire to string them together?" Richard asked.

"Yes, let me go see if I can find it," Tobias said, getting up.

The hunt took him back into the kitchen, the pantry behind the kitchen, searching through the desk and side tables in the dining room and sitting room before going back upstairs again.

Richard rubbed his hands against his legs and wondered if he should ask Tobias if he wanted Richard to organize things while he was here.

"Here we are!" Tobias cried from the second floor and came clattering down the stairs a spool of wire clutched in one hand. He triumphantly held it up to Richard who smiled.

"Thank you."

The boughs weren't yet dry enough to arrange so he tucked it into the pocket of his own jacket so he'd know where it was.

"Is there anything else you'd like me to do?" 

"Come eat breakfast before you run off again," Tobias said lightly but Richard still winced.

"I'm sorry I left so abruptly."

Tobias looked at him, considering for a long moment. "I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable enough not to want to stay." He said and turned back to the kitchen, Richard trailing behind.

Tobias made them meat gravy over toast with the leftover meat from the night before and fried potatoes on the side.

Richard made more coffee then hovered by the kitchen table, kept company by the cat, who butted against his legs until he picked them up.

"Guinevere," Tobias said reprovingly when he turned to see Richard standing there with an armful of happy cat, but he was also smiling. "She's a spoiled thing."

He came over and petted the little cat's head. Guinevere looked completely unchastised and butted her head into Tobias's hand.

They ate a quiet breakfast, the two of them with Guinevere eating from a boil of meat scraps that Tobias presented her with.

"Show me your books," Richard said on impulse when their plates were empty. "You've talked about them so often before."

Tobias looked surprised but he nodded. "Alright."

He cleaned up from breakfast and then Tobias led the way back into the sitting room where the fir branches were still laid out.

The little cat Guinevere curled up in one of the armchairs while Tobias went over to one of the bookcases.

"I don't have any truly rare or valuable books." He said. "But all of the volumes are of good quality. These are classics and histories are here, these books are on various kinds of natural sciences, some are quite old and outdated but still interesting to read. Some popular fiction, oh and these are my favorites; fairytales, Arthurian legend, greek and roman mythology, folktales." He began pulling volumes off the shelf, piling them on the table beside him.

Richard picked one up at random and opens it. Tales of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table were printed in flowery script on the title page.

"I've never read this before."

Richard always enjoyed the mental image of Tobias curled in a chair, whiling away the hours reading books and studying all the many topics that interested him in an aesthetic sort of way. Honestly, though it had been years since he, personally, had read an entire book, maybe not since he'd been in school. When he'd had time for reading he'd usually read a few of the daily newspapers and Tobias's letters, of course.

Tobias glanced at the book Richard was holding. "Oh if you're interested in Arthurian legend then here." He began sorting the already teetering pile of books into slightly smaller stacks.

Richard wouldn't say he was actually but he let Tobias press several more books into his hands.

"I also belong to a subscription library. I pay a fee once a month and they send me books in the mail." Tobias told him. "whatever books I want, the limit is twenty a month, which is unfortunate but better than reading these over and over again. I'm reading three right now."

Richard, struggling to imagine, reading one book, simply couldn't get his head around three at once.

He sat on the window seat next to where Tobias was still sorting through books and paged through the ones Tobias had given him.

Most of them seemed a little bit dry from the lines here and there he stopped to read but one of them had beautiful full-page illustrations of knights, ladies, and castles. That drew him in, made him stop, and start reading just to be able to put the illustrations into context. The next time he looked up he'd read half a chapter already.

He took the book over to the fire, scooting Guinevere off the chair so he could sit in it instead. She let him do it although as soon as he sat she jumped right back into his lap, kneaded his thigh with her sharp little claws until she was satisfied, and then curled up again. Richard gave her a pet under her chin and then turned back to his book.

After a moment Tobias settled in the armchair next to him and picked up his own book.

In front of them, the fire crackled and snapped and the fir boughs filled the room with the smell of pine. Guinevere purred on his lap and Richard let himself get lost in tales of magic, prophecies, tragedy, and valor.

At some point, Tobias got up and came back with steaming cups of tea and a tin of cookies he set on the table between their two armchairs.

So engrossed was Richard in the story he barely spared Tobias a smile and a murmured thanks before going back to the page in front of him.

It didn't feel like any time at all had passed but the next time Richard looked up at the sky outside the windows had gone dark and the tin of cookies was empty. Beside him Tobias set his own book aside and stretched out his legs, making a small noise of his discomfort as his knee cracked audibly. 

"We missed the noon meal." He said although he didn't sound terribly concerned by this. "Another hot supper again I supposed. Let me go see what I can make us."

Richard looked at his neglected firs, which really did need to be arranged and tied up if they were going to be any use.

He was warm though in his chair by the fire, the cat still sleeping on his lap. His body felt softer than it had in years, his muscles loose, his heart rate slow. It was not like the idleness he was used to, the itching, crawling need to be doing something wasn't there under his skin. He had been doing something all day, after all, his place in the book proved that.

Still, with some reluctance, he set his book aside and scooted the cat off his lap.

Tobias was in the kitchen, clattering amongst the pots and pans when Richard stepped through.

"I realized I only have tongue I'm afraid," Tobias said apologetically when he saw Richard. "Henry promised me chickens for Christmas but I'm not going to pick them up until the day after tomorrow."

"Tongue is fine. I'm used to eating organ meat most nights anyway. " Richard took the pot Tobias was holding looking like he didn't quite know what to do with it. "Let me cook tonight."

"I feel strange making you cook," Tobias said although he didn't move to stop Richard who was moving pans around on the stove.

"It feels strange to me not to cook for this long."

Richard pulled off his jacket, rolled up his shirt sleeves, and got to work, poaching and then fried the tongue with onions and made a big pan of creamed cabbage as well.

Tobias fetched a jar of pickled beets and another of currant jelly from the pantry.

He set the table in the dining room too this time, with good china, silverware, and cut crystal glasses that he filled with leftover wine from the night before.

Richard transferred the food to serving dishes and laid it out on the table before standing back for a moment.

The table cloth had a small hole in it and the silverware was in desperate need of polishing but he thought suddenly this was the first time he'd laid a table in his own home, or as close to a home as he currently had.

He'd set and served at countless other people's tables but never his own.

There was a lump in his throat and Tobias's hand pressed against his elbow as Tobias moved around him from the kitchen to the dining room.

"Are you alright?"

"I am." Richard swallowed the lump back down. "I'm just glad to be here."

Tobias smiled at him, soft and sweet, and squeezed his arm. "I'm glad to."

Guinevere chose that moment to leap delicately onto the table and make with purpose towards the dish of meat and onions.

Tobias let go of Richard with a small cry and scooped her up instead. "No! That's our supper, not yours!"

She cried right back at him as he carried her into the kitchen, to give her a dish of the trimmings instead.

Richard sat at the table listening to Tobias fuss in the other room, a warmth setting in his chest.

After they ate and cleared the dishes away, Richard knelt in front of the fire and arranged the firs into long garlands, and then lashing the pieces together with wire while Tobias watched.

"We should get some holly tomorrow." He said. "If you'd wait for me to go with you this time I can show you where they grow."

Richard wondered if he should apologize again, but instead, he said. "I'd like you to show me tomorrow. Now, where do you want these garlands?"

Together they hung garlands over the mantle of the fireplaces both in the sitting room and dining room, over the sitting room doorway, and along the windowsills of both rooms.

"Very festive." Tobias stood back surveying the room. "I don't usually have the foresight to do the house up this fine for the holidays but I'm so glad you thought of it."

He looked so pleased Richard was desperately tempted to lean over and kiss him. He knew how Tobias's mouth would feel against his now, how soft his lips were and the small noises he made, which just made him want it all the more. There was still that part of him that hesitated though, stilled by the fear that Richard might become afraid again and ruin it or Tobias might not kiss him back. He didn't think either was likely but it was there and enough to make him hesitate.

His gaze still lingered on Tobias though, on the shape of his mouth and the curve of his cheek.

Tobias must have felt Richard watching him because he turned, a small smile still lingering on his lips, face tipped up just a little bit towards Richard.

Tobias's gaze met Richard's and Richard could almost feel the heat of it, the intensity, and desire.

He drew in a breath, felt himself move, leaning towards Tobias.

It would be so easy to lean forward, to press their mouths together, and draw Tobias close. Richard could feel his palms sweat with the desire to do so but still, he hesitated. 

Tobias didn't move, didn't close the space between them even though Richard prayed that he would.

It would be so much easier if Tobias would only act for both of them, make the decision Richard was finding he couldn't.

Tobias had been the one to kiss him this morning after all.

Then Richard had fled out into the snow, leaving Tobias alone without so much as an explanation. 

He didn't think Tobias would kiss him again.

Tobias would wait for Richard to be the one to make the first move this time but Richard couldn't seem to make himself close that tiny space between them. The moment stretched and Richard stepped back finally, breaking the tension although not as he had wanted to.

"I'm sorry." His voice came out so low he could barely hear himself and Tobias shook his head.

"No need to be." He turned away too and went back to the fire.

Richard's fingers clenched at his sides. Out of all the things he'd feared going wrong when they'd first met this had not been one of them. He didn't really understand what was wrong, aside from how very long it had been since he'd been intimate with another.

"I want it." He said to the room at large, although whether to reassure himself or Tobias he didn't know. 

Tobias was watching him, the firelight reflecting off the lenses of his spectacles made his expression difficult to read.

"There is no shame if you don't." He said, voice also soft. "I won't lie, I will be disappointed but it won't ruin things between us, Richard. I hope you don't think that."
Richard didn't know what to say, only tipped his head down to stare at the floor.

One of the chairs creaked as Tobias sat. "You've made good progress with your book."

Richard took a steadying breath and accepted the obvious change of topic with a deep feeling of relief "I'm enjoying it."

He moved close to where Tobias sat by the fire, the cat curled by the hearth, close to his feet.

He was holding the volume Richard had spent that afternoon reading, opening to one of the illustrations although he'd been careful not to lose Richard's place.

"I wish the stories had happier endings though," Richard added a little wistfully.

"I wish they had people like us," Tobias said, running one finger across the page. "Wouldn't that be something?"

Richard let out a slow breath. "The possibility had never occurred to me."

Tobias propped his chin on his hands. "Wouldn't it be amazing to read about a knight who was raised to be a lady? Or two knights falling in love with each other. Although there are certainly a lot of men kissing men in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Not to mention the fact that I daydreamed about running off to become a wizard deep in the forest somewhere every time my mother made me do the mending. She'd always tell me 'a man isn't going to want a wife who can't mend' and every time I'd think wizard's don't mend and they don't expect their husbands to do it either."

Richard could feel himself smile. "I can do mending just fine."

"That's because you're not a wizard." Tobias smiled too, his hand opening on his knee, palm up in offering.

"Oh no?" Richard put his bigger hand into Tobias's, watched Tobias's fingers curl warm and firm around his own.

"You are very clearly a knight," Tobias said. "With how big you are, how strong, dutiful, and loyal. I do think knights have to do mending from time to time or make their pages do it for them."

It was absolutely ridiculous to think of him Richard Morton, who had never been anything other than a servant, as a knight. Much easier to imagine Tobias as a wizard, scholarly reclusive, and mysterious, especially after spending the entire afternoon reading such stories.

"So what happens if a knight is a wizard's husband then?" Richard said, voice low and amused and Tobias sniffed in mock reproof.

"I said they weren't required to." He said giving Richard's hand a small squeeze. "Wizards don't choose their lovers based on how well they can darn a sock."

On impulse Richard raised their joined hands and kissed the back of Tobias's, watching his eyes widen.

"Sir Gawain and the Green Knight has kissing in it, you said?" Richard asked, voice gone a little bit rough.

He watched Tobias swallow before nodding. 

"Then I think I'll skip ahead to that one."

He let go of Tobias's hand and plucked the book off his lap, settling in his own chair. He could feel Tobias's gaze linger on him for several more moments. Tobias didn't say anything though and he didn't reach for Richard but instead picked up his own book.

They passed a quiet evening, reading by the fire, with the cat between them as the night grew cold outside the house.

Richard excused himself early again and took a lamp up to his little bedroom.

He hoped to dream of knights and mages that night but instead, he dreamed about snow falling steadying on the forest outside of Tobias's house.

A wolf stalked those trees, all golden eyes, and hungry mouth.

Richard, who was not after all a knight of old, has nothing to protect himself with.

Chapter 5

Richard rose before dawn again and went downstairs to start coffee and breakfast. Guinevere met him as soon as he came down the stairs, butting her head against his legs. He picked her up and carried her into the sitting room to stoke the fire back to life. She settled herself comfortably on the hearth bathed in the heat from the fire. 

Once the stove was lit Richard set about making soda bread biscuits, a winter vegetable hash, and the eggs he found in the pantry.

The kitchen slowly filled with warmth and the smell of cooking food, as outside the sun rose above the snow-covered trees.

With biscuits in the oven and the hash cooking on the stove, Richard leaned against the kitchen sink, holding his cup of coffee in his hands, and watched the sunrise.

It was still quiet here, so warm and still, in this little kitchen that was almost his. For the first time, Richard felt a pang go through him. What would he do when he needed to go back to New York City? Where he wouldn't have this quiet anymore, these private domestic spaces, the time to sit and read. Where he wouldn't have Tobias.

There was the sound of footsteps on the stairs and then Tobias joined him in the kitchen.

He was already dressed this morning in trousers, shirt, and waistcoat, with a very old grey wool cardigan that had clearly been made for someone about twice Tobias's size wrapped around him. 

Richard felt a pang of regret that he hadn't been treated again to Tobias only in a nightshirt and dressing gown. Although Tobias still looked sleepy and soft, his hair not as carefully combed, copper-red curls falling into his face as he yawned and shrugged deeper into his monstrously large cardigan.

"You are just in time, breakfast is ready." Richard took the biscuits out of the oven and started spooning eggs and hash onto plates.

"I am going to be very spoiled soon if you keep getting up early and cooking breakfast," Tobias said.

Richard just smiled and shooed him into the dining room where he could layout breakfast properly for them both.

Tobias didn't use the dining room for every meal, Richard could tell by the way he sat, perched on the edge of his chair, as if not sure what he was doing there, despite this being his own house.

"Do you usually eat in the kitchen?" Richard asked, putting a plate of food in front of him and refilling his coffee cup.

"Honestly," Tobias said with a small rueful smile. "I often eat in the sitting room in front of the fire with the cat or at my writing desk. Eating at the kitchen table would be a step up for me I'm afraid. It always felt like a waste to set the table in her for just one." He gave Richard a smile that was almost shy. "But it's nice with someone else in the house."

"I've not had a dining room of my own before." Richard settled himself as well. "I've only ever eaten in kitchens or in front of the fire in my own room out of necessity. Might as well use it since this house is big enough to have one."

"I suppose that's true." Tobias bent over his own food. "After we eat shall I show you where the holly grows? It's on the other side of the orchard and quite a nice walk."

"I would like that."

They ate the rest of the meal in companionable silence. Tobias helped clean up afterward. Then they both got dressed for the outdoors and Tobias fetched a small basket and hooked it over one arm.

Outside was just as white and still as it had been the day before. They hadn't gotten any new snowfall over the night so there was now a thin crust of glittering ice over the snowdrifts.

There were tiny tracks of all the many animals that had traversed the snow the day before, now frozen in place. Richard inspected them trying to tell the difference between birds, rabbits, mice, and other small animals that lived out here.

Tobias paused to let him look, hands buried in the pockets of his large wool coat, the lens of his spectacles fogging slightly with each puff of warm breath from under his scarf.

When Richard had looked his fill they started off towards the orchard, their feet making new tracks through the snow.

"It's so still out here," Richard said, stretching himself to keep up with Tobias's slightly longer stride."I've never experienced anything like it."

"It's very different from the city." Tobias agreed. "Any city really. It took me years to get used to it. Particularly at night, when the wind whips around the house and you feel like the only person who exists in the world."

Richard shivered a little bit, shrugging deeper into his coat, and tried to imagine what it must have been like for Tobias to be all by himself out here for so many years.

"Mostly though I enjoy it," Tobias added as if sensing Richard's discomfort. "I like the quiet and that I can be myself without worry."

They passed between the first of the apple trees, small but sturdy and now each crowned in snow.

"I've actually found it to be opposite," Richard said. "I didn't grow up in New York City and can't imagine trying to live as myself in a community any smaller than that. There is some anonymity in a crowd."

Tobias gave him a small, fond smile. "It's true but probably more true for you. Given what a large and masculine man you are. I can't imagine you get many second glances."

It should have been a compliment and Richard knew it was meant as such but there was still something about Tobias's words that stuck inside him, like a splinter just underneath the skin.

"There have been times when I struggled." He said, his voice sounding stiff in his own ears. "Physically I fit a type, I know that, and I've been lucky because of it. But there's been plenty of second glances." And worse but Richard didn't like to linger on those memories.

A pace ahead of him Tobias had stopped and he turned to look at Richard. "I'm sorry." He said. "I didn't mean to offend."

There was no one, just them, sheltered by snow-covered trees. Richard dared to reach out and take Tobias's hand in his own.

Tobias tipped his head to the side, the basket he'd been carrying had dropped to snow and his hand came up to touch the side of Richard's face.

"I don't feel like you have succeeded where I have failed or anything like that." He said. "And I'm sorry I implied things had been easy for you. I know better than that." Behind his spectacles, Tobias's eyes crinkled a little bit at the corners as he smiled. "I very much like and appreciate you as the sober and respectable gentleman but I would like whatever pleases you because it pleases you."

Richard leaned forward and kissed him, the smallest brush of lips against lips. He pulled back in time to watch Tobias's eyes widen in shock, the tip of his tongue darting out to wet his lips. 

"We should get the holly and then go back to the house. I want to kiss you again but not here." Tobias said, his fingers were still cupping the side of Richard's face, a little bit cold now, but Richard didn't mind.

Richard nodded wordlessly and then started forward again. The pathway between the trees was narrow. Richard found there were many places where they had to press together, their fingers touching and tangling as they did and every time made his heart beat a little faster, his breath catch.

On the other side of the orchard trees as the holly bushes, growing bountifully along the stone wall. Their sharp and pointed leaves an unexpected swarth of green against the snow. The red berries encased in sparkling ice.  

Tobias pulled a small pair of silver scissors from his pocket and began to cut small sprigs of holly. When the basket was mostly full he straightened up, tucking the scissors away.

"I had thought of us taking the long way home." He said. "It's no doubt beautiful in the snow but I find I don't really want to linger."

"No." Richard pushed his hands deep into his pocket, watched Tobias. "Neither do I."

Still a small knot of tension did form in his stomach during the walk back to the house. The desire to kiss Tobias again, to truly touch him this time warred with the fear that still curled around Richard's insides; fear of running away again, of disappointing Tobias, of making a mess of this.

They reached the house again, the warmth of the front hall embracing them as they stepped inside and stripped off their outerwear.

Tobias brought the basket into the sitting room so the holly could dry by the fire. Guinevere gave them a disinterested look from where she was curled on one of the armchairs.

Richard stood, unsure of where to be or what to do with his hands until Tobias took one in his own.

"Are you nervous?" Tobias said voice soft and understanding, which just made Richard's nerves somehow worse.

He nodded. "We don't have to do anything," Tobias said. "We could read this afternoon again. I would be alright with that."

"No, I —" Richard took a breath and reached forward, touching Tobias's face, his soft red curls. "I would be disappointed if we just read this afternoon." He said because it was true.

Tobias tipped his face up and Richard kissed him, softly, exploring the feel of Tobias's mouth against his, the part of his lips, the soft sound he made as he pressed himself closer against Richard.

They were standing by the bookcase and Richard pushed Tobias gently against him, kissed him again before allowing his lips to explore more this time. He trailed kisses along his jaw, under his ear, and down his neck as far as he could before loosened the collar of his shirt. He undid the first few buttons and kissed lower, lips pressing against Tobias's collar bone, the dip, and curve of his throat, felt him swallow and sigh.

"May I?" Tobias's own hands were on Richard's waistcoat.

"Please."

Tobias hummed a little as his fingers unbuttoned Richard's waistcoat, his hands light against Richard's body.

Even that light touch felt almost too much, sent shivers through the rest of his body and Richard was suddenly very aware of how long it had been since he'd been touched, how much he missed another's hands on his body. 

Hunger and fire curled tight inside his gut and he imagined what it would be like to see Tobias unclothed, to kiss the plains of his chest and soft swell of thighs.

His hands curled around Tobias's hips, to drag their bodies together, his mouth pressing against the side of Tobias's throat kissing him and scraping his teeth against the tender flesh.

Tobias groaned, a low sound Richard felt as much as heard and pressed a leg between Richard's own. His hands left Richard's buttons and curled around his hips instead until they settled on his lower back right at the top of the swell of his ass. Tobias pulled him forward until Richard was straddling his thigh, rubbing up against where Richard was just starting to come alive, sensitive and wet against the inner seam of his trousers.  

He couldn't help the sound he made or the way he clutched at Tobias, rubbed himself, just a little against the obliging leg pressed between his.

The heat inside of him was mounting and wanted to stay like this against the bookcase, rocking himself against Tobias' strong thigh, with Tobias's arms around him, his hands cupping Richard's ass until he spent. He also wanted to see Tobias naked though, feel his skin, and taste the sweet, slick heat between his legs.

"You are wearing too many clothes." He managed to get out and Tobias made a noise in the back of his throat dangerously close to a growl.

"As are you."

Tobias' hands left Richard's ass and there was a scrabbling for buttons and fastenings, their hands tangling together and getting in each other's way.

Both their waistcoats dropped to the floor.

Richard got Tobias's shirt open and pulled free of his trousers, enough to see that he was only wearing an undershirt underneath, which was so much less than Richard's layers upon layers.

Tobias made a flustered noise evidently realizing the same thing as he undid Richard's own shirt. Richard leaned back enough to pull his own shirt off, followed by both his undershirts and layers of bindings under that until he was bare.

Tobias's gaze roved over his body, the swell of his chest, the heavy curve of his stomach, the soft rolls at his sides. Richard had always liked his size, he'd always been one of the shorter people in any room but his girth made him fill up space and command the attention of those around him. Here, under Tobias's heated stare he felt nothing but powerful and attractive.

He brought up one of his own hands to settle between his large pectorals and stroke down across the large bulk of his body, feeling soft fat against hard muscles after years upon years of work.

Tobias pushed his own shift of his shoulders in one fluid movement and then dropped to his knees in front of Richard.

His hands curled around Richard's strong, wide thighs. He pushed his face forward against the seam of Richard's inner leg, breathed out in a long open-mouthed pant. Richard felt the heat of Tobias' mouth even through the layers of his trousers and drawers. He couldn't help the soft, high noise that dragged out of him, between his clenched teeth.

Tobias drew back just enough to look up at Richard, his hands already going to the front of Richard's trousers. "Let me?"

"Yes." Richard rocked his hips forward.

Tobias undid Richard's trousers and pulled them off over his hip and the wide swell of his ass.

Richard shivered as cool age touched his overheated skin. Tobias's hands pushed up his thighs, and even that, simple skin on skin contact sent shocks through him, made his legs shake and his hands tremble.

Tobias's fingers curled, digging into the meat of Richard's thighs. "I can feel how much you're shaking. Do you want me to stop?" 

"No." Richard's hand came up, fingers brushing against the side of Tobias's face. "It feels good, it's just been a long time since someone has touched me."

"Hm, I can't understand why when you are so lovely." Tobias's hands moved higher up his thighs.

"Probably because the man I wanted only wrote me letters for six years," Richard said voice trembling now nearly as much as his body was.

Tobias smiled. "Then let me fix that."

He partied Richard's legs, touched the crease at the top of his thigh, and then the fragile, slick skin between them, caressing those folds, pressing up into him.

Richard groaned and rocked forward. The push of Tobias's fingers inside him sent a sweet ache through his body. He looked down at Tobias where he knelt on the carpet, cheeks flushed, lips a little bit parted, a little wet. Richard stroked his jaw, let his thumb rest against Tobias's bottom lip, watching Tobias's lips part still further. The tip of Tobias's tongue touched the pad of his finger and Richard shuddered as Tobias drew it into his mouth.

Tobias's mouth was hot, soft and so wet, the touch of his tongue, somehow heightening the press of his fingers inside of Richard's body.

Richard's hands had stopped shaking and he drew his finger out of Tobias's mouth just a little, pushed it back in, watching the curve of that spit-slicked mouth.

Tobias was watching him too, his gaze heavy-lidded and hot behind his glasses. He panted against Richard's skin, spread his legs as much as he could kneeling, and still clothed.   

His fingers hadn't stopped moving between Richard's thighs, stroking and touching, not demanding in any way, simply exploring.   

Richard appreciated that and the way Tobias's careful touches made the pleasure inside him curl slowly, not rushing or too much. That was good because Richard had a feeling that it would have been too easy for it to all become too much for him after all this time.

This though, these slow and steady carcasses as Tobias's hands learned all of Richard's soft, hot places were simply perfect. Tobias's fingers found how to make Richard tremble, how to press two fingers inside of him to make Richard hiss, his hips coming forward all on their own.

"Please, please Tobias." He said softly, barely knowing what he was begging for. He dragged the slick finger free of Tobias's mouth and caressed his lip before letting his hand drop. "Please. I want to touch you as well."

"Yes." Tobias's voice was breathless, his grip against Richard's thighs almost tight enough to hurt.

He drew back from Richard, who immediately missed his touch, to fumble with his own clothes.

Richard shucked off the rest of his own clothes and then knelt as well to help Tobias strip off his shirt, setting his spectacles aside too for safekeeping. Finally, Richard was able to run his hand over Tobias's bared chest. His skin was pale and freckled, softer than Richard had expected, not as heavy as his own, with just the smallest, softest well of pectorals and small tight nipples.

"May I?" Richard asked, his hands brushing the very bottom of those swells and Tobias nodded, biting his lip, chest rising and falling fast under Richard's touch.

His nipples were already hard by the time Richard rubbed his still-damp fingers across them. Tobias gasped at that then bit his lip again against a higher, sweeter sound, pressing his chest more firmly into Richard's hands.

Richard bent his head, pressed his mouth against Tobias's collarbone again before trailing down, closing his lips around the sensitive tightened skin.

Tobias's hand clamped around Richard's shoulder, his fingers digging in hard, his voice rising in a high desperate sound as Richard sucked. Richard smiled against Tobias's skin and moved to suck at the other nipple until Tobias was writhing against him, trying to press them closer together, trying to roll his hips against Richard's own.

The idea of pulling Tobias into his lap so they could thrust against each other as Richard kissed, licked, and sucked at Tobias's soft skin was very tempting. It was not what he wanted though, not yet, not with Tobias still partly clothed.

He drew away from Tobias's chest with some reluctance and looked up at him.

Tobias was flushed up his neck and across his cheeks, his gaze unfocused with pleasure, his mouth still slick looking.

"I want your trousers off," Richard said, his voice coming out deeper and rougher than usual much to his satisfaction. 

He drew back enough to let Tobias decide if he also wanted that or not but Tobias only nodded, movements jerky, and began trying to undo his trousers with trembling hands.

It amused Richard that his own hands had only become steadier as they'd progressed while Tobias seemed to have become increasingly undone. He reached forward too and helped Tobias get his trousers open and pushed down over slim pale hips. They stripped off the rest of his clothes, leaving him as bare and absolutely lovely spread out across the rug.

"Beautiful." Richard caressed the skin of Tobias's trembling thighs.

Tobias made another low noise again and parted his legs, so Richard could see him fully.

"May I?" Richard asked, longing to touch but not wanting to overstep.

"God, please." Tobias spread his legs wider still and Richard pressed his hand up between Tobias's thighs, cupped him, let his thumb rub against Tobias's cock, tiny against his finger but stiff and wet, all but twitching with desire.

Richard wanted to put his mouth against it, learn how Tobias tasted, the noises he'd make.

"Can I suck you?" He asked voice still rasping and low and Tobias made a strangled sound and pushed his hips up.

"Please …" The word ended on a long panting breath and Tobias rolled his hips again up into Richard's hand.

He rearranged himself so he could lay between Tobias' spread legs, pressed his mouth to where he had been, let his tongue stroke and taste.

Tobias writhed under him, making small choked noises as Richard carefully spread him open with his fingers, pressed his tongue deeper. 

Tobias was so wet he was against Richard's mouth, filling him up with his taste and scent. His skin was hot, swollen with desire but still delicate as Richard traced him carefully with his tongue, sucked until Tobias' back arched, his voice rising high and desperate.

"Please, God, Richard, please."

Richard pulled back finally, rising up until he was kneeling again. He wrapped his arm around Tobias and pulled him up too so they could press together, chest to chest, Richard's heavy stomach pressed against Tobias's slim frame.

Richard could feel each one of Tobias's hot shaking breaths against his throat, feel the wetness between Tobias's thighs as Tobias straddled him, rolled their hips together.

He rolled his hips too, as hard as he could given the angle, and heard Tobias grunt and then his breath catch as Richard did it again.

"Oh God, yes, more," Tobias demanded and Richard manhandled him down onto his back again, pulled one of Tobias's thighs between his own, scissoring their legs together until he could roll his hips against Tobias's own, pressing himself against Tobias's wet heat, rubbing them together as he thrust against Tobias over and over again.

"Are you going to come for me?" Richard asked as the noises Tobias made became increasingly desperate.

His own pleasure was growing hot and urgent as he rubbed himself against Tobias; the strong muscle of his thigh, his soft sticky sex.

Richard pressed a hand between them and rubbed Tobias in hard tight circles.

Tobias's fingers dug into Richard's own thighs. His cries broke off as his entire body tightened under Richard, his pleasure locking him in place for a long glorious moment.   

Richard's hips snapped forward in several more hard thrusts before orgasm crashed down on him as well rocking him to his core. For several long moments, he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, beyond how good it felt.

He collapsed on top of Tobias.

Panted against the sweat-slicked skin of his shoulder, body trembling all over again, hips jerking just a little bit.

"Fuck." Tobias said below him sounding utterly wrecked but not that sorry about it.

Richard laughed, chuckles bubbling out of him.

Tobias laughed as well. Ran a hand down Richard's back and Richard kissed the warm skin under his lips.

"Good?" He asked when he had some breath back.

"Hmm, yes." Tobias shifted under him, ran his hand down Richard's back again to place a possessive hand on his ass. "You are exquisite and I enjoyed myself immensely."

"So did I," Richard said and found he meant it. Whatever he'd been afraid of earlier was gone leaving only the warm press of Tobias's body under his, the heat from the fireplace, the sound of them both breathing.

Richard wanted to do it again and by the way, Tobias's hands had started moving on his body again he didn't think he was the only one.

Chapter 6

In the end, they stayed on the sitting room floor for a good long time.

When they finally did find their clothes again and got themselves put back together as best as they could it was plenty late in the day.

Richard made them a cold meal with hot mulled wine to drink while Tobias arranged their neglected holly in fat bunches amongst the fir greens of the garlands.

He then bustled around the house, rummaging through cupboards as Richard laid the food out on the table.    

"What are you doing?" He asked finally as Tobias came back into the sitting room and began going through the drawers of his writing desk.

"Looking for candles." Tobias waved one at him. "It's the first night of winter tonight and I always light candles."

He pulled out another candle stub with a cry of triumph.

Richard watched him set up each candle amongst the greenery decorating the windowsills.

"There." Tobias stepped back, finally surveying his work. "Now we eat."

After their meal was done and they'd cleaned up they settled by the fire with the rest of their mulled wine.

Richard let himself relax and his mind drift, a cup in his hand and the fire warming his outstretched legs. Beside him, Tobias also seemed content with the fire and the quiet. On the rug between them, the cat purred away.

Outside the sky darkened, and the wind picked up gusting around the corners of the house and rattling at the eves.

Tobias set his cup aside finally and stood pulling down a tapper from a box on the mantle and bending to light it in the fire.

"I'm going to light the candles." He said cupping the taper with one hand so as not to lose the flame. "It's one part of the Yule season I do celebrate. Tonight will be the longest night of the year and every year on that night I light candles in remembrance of the dead. "

Richard nodded and set his cup aside, the mood gone solemn in the room. He didn't know how many people Tobias had lost, his patron he'd already spoken of but it wasn't the sort of thing they'd discussed before. Richard couldn't imagine the number was small though, for people like them it never was. His own list of names was longer than he cared to think about most days.

He watched Tobias move to the first window, touch the taper to the candle wick, the soft glow illuminating the darkness pressing close on the other side of the cold glass.

Richard stood as Tobias went to the next window, his gaze lingered on the small candle burning steadily amongst the sprigs of holly, and felt the lump grow in his throat.

He crossed the room to where Tobias was lighting another candle, curled an arm around Tobias's waist wanting to feel him, warm and close against Richard's own body. He needed to hold him so he could feel Tobias breathe, know his heartbeat, fast and strong.

With a long breath of his own, he pressed his face against the curve of Tobias's neck right above his collar and felt one of Tobias's hands press against his where it lay against Tobias's hip.

"It is many for you?" Tobias asked his tone making it only have a question, half a statement.

Richard drew in another shaking breath. "Yes." He pressed his face against the curl of Tobias's neck again. "Too many."

Tobias didn't say anything to that, just stroked his hand across the back of Richard's, the touch slow and soothing.

Outside the wind whipped through the branches of the trees, clacking them together, groaned around the house.

Richard closed his eyes and thought of golden eyes in the forest, could see the mouth and teeth, hear the snarl in every moan of the wind.

"Do you want to light the next one?" Tobias asked and Richard nodded, eyes still closed, bodies still pressed close.

They moved to the next window together and Richard took the taper with a hand that only shook a little bit.

He thought of their names; the people he'd lost, friends, family, acquaintances too soon. He thought too of the job he'd loved that had been taken from him, of Eddington and Jenny and their families, all their futures uncertain now.

The wick of the candle flared, the flame bridging from the taper to the candle's tip.

"Come on," Tobias said softly and took his hand guiding him to the next window, the next link in the circle of light they were creating in the darkness.

They ended up back in front of the fire.

Richard no longer wanted to sit by himself and Tobias seemed to feel the same.

They sat on the floor instead, on the hearth rug. Tobias leaned against Richard's side, his head on Tobias's shoulder. Richard wrapped his arm around Tobias and held him close.

"I'm glad you came here," Tobias said softly into the silence between them. "I would have written to you for the rest of my life and been satisfied but having you here like this is better."

Richard pressed a kiss to the top of his head, enjoyed that he smelled like fir trees and wood smoke from the fire.

Tobias's hand rested on his knee. "What will you do? When the new year comes?"

"I don't know," Richard said because he didn't. "Go back to New York I supposed, start over." It all felt too big to even contemplate.

Tobias squeezed Richard's leg under his hand. "You are welcome here, to stay. We'd need to be careful with the money. I could take writing work, I've been thinking about doing that anyway, and you could learn tree husbandry and cultivate the orchard." Tobias pushed himself back enough to look up earnestly at Richard. "We could make it work."

Richard laughed because it sounded impossibly domestic. "We will see." He said. "But if I do go back to New York City,  promise me you'll write."

Tobias's hand came up, cupped his face. "Of course I will." He said and kissed Richard.

Richard closed his eyes and let himself get lost in Tobias's mouth against his, the taste of wine on his lips, the feel of Tobias's hands sliding slowly up his body again, undoing the buttons of his waistcoat.

Outside the wind beat against the sides of the house, howling through the woods around them, but for once Richard paid it no mind.

Epilogue

December 24th

There was more snow when they awoke that morning.

Richard stayed still for a long few minutes curled against Tobias's warm, slightly boney body.

They were in Tobias's bedroom, which was filled with just as many books and forgotten cups of tea as Richard had suspected it would be. They had taken just about every blanket in the house and piled them on the bed before crawling in together Guenevere curled up at their feet.

He should get out of bed, stoke the fires, start breakfast. Instead, he watched pale light spill in between curtains touching red Tobias' hair, the pale curve of his throat where he hadn't even bothered to try and tie his nightshirt closed after Richard had been done with him.

When they did get up and set about warming the frigid house it was light enough to see the snow mounded up in great drifts against the house.

Both Richard and Tobias bundled up as warmly as they could after breakfast and had to dig themselves out in order to open the front door.

They made a rough path from the front door of the house, down the path to the road where the snow was thankfully not as deep.

Above them the sun was bright, but the air was cold enough to prickle through Richard's body with every breath.

They trekked down the road side by side until they saw the welcoming curl of smoke from the two chimneys atop The Levy's large farmhouse.

Tobias led the way around to the kitchen door and knocked the door open, pulled open by a dark-haired woman who smiled broadly as soon as she saw him.

"Tobias and this must be your gentleman guest, come to visit for the holidays." She ushered them into the warm, cheery kitchen filled with children gathered around the table making hand pies, judging from a large amount of flower, pie filling, and dough on every available surface.

"Sarah this is Richard Morton, Richard this is Mrs. Levy."

"Call me Sarah." She shook his hand. "And Tobias these are for you."

She bustled over to the pantry and came back with two fat chickens, already plucked and tied and laid, which Tobias took. "And we have some other things for you."

She left again for the pantry and came back arms loaded down with jars, handing over pickles, preserved cherries, another large jar of stock, plus two loaves of bread; one white bread and the other sweet and laden with dried fruit.

  "This is too much," Tobias said as she loaded Richard's arms full. "Sarah I only paid Henry for the chickens."

"It's Christmas Eve." She said. "And I know you're not going to go into town anytime soon. We have plenty. Pay us back later."

There was a clatter at the door. Henry and a boy just old enough to be gangly let themselves in, knocking snow from their boots.

"Tobias, Richard," Henry said, smiling when he saw them. "I see Sarah is setting you up."

"More than I expected," Tobias said juggling chickens and jars of food. "Henry I can pay for this, but I didn't bring the money with me today."

"Nonsense." Henry waved that off. "Jamie get one of those bottles of barley wine I set aside."

"How is the flock?" Tobias asked as Jamie ran off. "No more losses I hope."

Henry shook his head. "Killed the dog that was hunting the sheep yesterday. Gone feral in the woods like you'd said, poor thing, but we couldn't have it just roaming like that."

Tobias looked saddened by the news but he also nodded. "No, we can't. God forbid it had attacked a person."

Henry nodded, and expression just as serious and then took the bottle Jamie came back with. "Barley wine, brewed it myself, let me know how you like it." He added it to the pile in Richard's arms.

"Oh we can't, this is too generous —" Tobias started and Henry laughed.

"It's my first attempt at brewing the stuff so thank me after you've tried it."

They made their farewells after that, Richard suspected Tobias was afraid that if they stayed longer Sarah would find more food to give them. What they already had was bounty enough to last them a few days at least.

They carried it all back to Tobias's house and spread it out across the kitchen table.

The chickens would be a feast enough for the two of them but with all of the rest of the pickles and preserves and fresh bread, Richard couldn't wait to start cooking.

The spread for their noontime meal was exceptional; with roast chicken, fried potatoes, and all the sides.

They spread it across the dining room table and Richard went back to his room to retrieve the watch chain he'd bought for Tobias back in New York.

"I bought you something." He held the gift out to Tobias who'd been trying to shoo Guinevere away from the chicken.

"Oh, Richard." Tobias took the small package. "I didn't get you anything. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You don't need to" Richard reached for Tobias's free hand and leaned up to kiss him lightly on the cheek. "I'm glad I came here too." He said. "Now come eat."

Tobias let himself be guided to the table.

The day stretched out before them full of good food to eat, a bottle of experimental barley wine to try, and another book of Arthurian stories Tobias had promised to read aloud to him this time.

The fires were burning high and cheerfully in both fireplaces and the sun shone against the snow outside, bathing the forest around them in light.

In another life, this would have been the busiest day of Richard's year, with Christmas Eve ball to plan and execute, only the smallest stolen moments for himself and Tobias's letters.

Now he pulled the cat onto his lap before she could make for the table for food again and watched Tobias's eyes light up as he saw the watch chain for the first time, holding it up to the light.

In the quiet, there was only the sound of both their voices joining together.