A PRAYER FOR LOVE

by 

DANIEL ELIJAH SANDERFER

Blue Cottage Publishing All rights reserved, this book may not be reproduced or used without permission from the author. Copyright July 2018.

CHAPTER 1

David is a simple boy. After graduating high school, he knew he wanted to make a difference in the world. He grew up in church and had a strong conservative family. He was still trying to figure out who he was going to be in life.

He never stood out in school as someone overly attractive or gifted. But he had a sweet disposition and a good heart. He was one of those kinds of people that would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.

He was tall and slender with a face far younger than he was. He was often mistaken for a boy of 14, even though he was almost 20.

Even after his parents stopped going to church, he felt a great comfort being in the presence of the Lord. He loved to sing for the congregation and would volunteer for any charitable cause the church was having. Lord knows he had participated in more bake sales and rummage sales than any other person in his youth group.

A lot of the other kids viewed him as an outsider. He would often sit by himself, bible in hand and notepad ready to receive what the pastor had to teach him.

His insatiable need to learn is what drove him daily to be the best person he could be. Even if no one talked to him or liked him, it did not matter to him because he had God.

When he started Bible college after high school, he had no idea what he was in for. The number of things he did not know was overwhelming at times.

He was staring out the window as his theology professor droned on about the historical census of the Old Testament. She was interrupted by a knock at the door.

It was the dean of the college, and he had a guest with him. David's eyes were locked onto the tall, attractive man, whose hair was dark and curly.

He appeared to be in his late thirties and had a well-groomed beard and the looks of a Greek god. The professor paused for a moment.

“Why Hello Dean Harlow! What do we owe this visit?”

The Dean smiled. He was a portly old man with glasses and a jolly demeanor that put you in mind of a fairy tale king.

“Well Mrs. Lutz, this is Jesse Dixon. He is the new pastor of Providence Evangelical Church and is on the grand tour of the college. He will be filling in for Mrs. Flannery while she is on maternity leave!”

Jesse greeted the glass with his deep baritone voice that David could feel vibrate in his chest with each syllable.

“Hello, Class!”

The class replied with an insincere union, “Hello, Reverend Dixon.”

David's eyes were glued to the man as he walked across the front of the room. He was wearing white dockers, and a beautiful solid blue button-up shirt, and a cardigan with the middle two buttons fastened. The sound of his black loafers squeaked as he walked over to shake Mrs. Lutz’s hand.

David could not help but be mesmerized by the way he moved. So confidently, so masculine. It wasn’t the first time he found himself paying more attention to a person, rather than to what they were saying. Jesse caught him staring at him and flashed the boy a coy smile and wink. The dean continued to speak.

“Mrs. Lutz, it seems I have a prior engagement. Can I borrow one of your students to show the new pastor around?”

He always asked her for favors because her classroom was the closest one to his office. The poor man could barely get around without getting winded. So, he would often recruit the help of a student whether it was delivering something to another classroom or just fetching him a soda from the break room. Mrs. Lutz was happy to oblige him.

She understood at his advanced age and weight he could not get around well. She scanned the classroom. Students eagerly sat to attention, hoping they would be the one to get out of her boring lecture.

She paused, “David!”

He jumped from the abrupt tone, “Since you seem to be distracted by something outside the window, why don’t you make yourself useful and show the new pastor where his classroom is and around the facility?”

David gathered his books and backpack. The Dean turned around and wished her a good day and thanked her for obliging. Jesse grabbed the boy by the shoulders and thanked Mrs. Lutz.

“Are you sure you can spare him, he looks like he needs the information?”

David looked unamused at the reverend’s suggestion. Mrs. Lutz grabbed her book off the desk and motioned them out of her class.

Jesse gripped the boy’s shoulders playfully, “So tell me about yourself, David? Is it?”

David found himself getting flushed trying to reply to the incredibly attractive young reverend.

“Well, there isn’t much to tell. I’m a senior working on getting my degree in theology.” They paused from their brisk pace down the hallway.

“So boring,” the reverend sighed.

David was shocked by the man’s comments.

“What do you mean?”

Jesse smiled, “Well I believe learning should be fun! Why tell when you can show! There are some great tours of the holy land on Amazon prime!”

David was fascinated with the man’s view of learning.

“I love Prime; you have to tell me which ones so that I can look them up!”

Jesse laughed deeply, “Well aren’t you different than the others? Most people find documentaries boring.”

David had loosened up some as the tour continued. Even though he was painfully shy, he was amazed at how easy Pastor Jesse was to talk to. David led the pastor down a long hallway in a part of the school that was isolated from the rest of the other classrooms.

He opened the door to a classroom that overlooks the scenic courtyard adorned with large Maple trees and green space. He heard Pastor Jesse gasp and whisper “Wow”, as they walked over to the large picture windows.

“Are you sure this is right? It’s more like a conservatory than a classroom.” He turned to David his eyes ablaze with wonder and excitement.

“Yes sir, Mrs. Flannery has been here for years. I think she is kind of grand mothered into this room.”

“Well, she is a blessed lady to get to look out at this all day!”

David smirked and covered his giggling which provoked Jesse to poke at him playfully.

“What? Let me in on the joke! Joy is a gift to share!”

David composed himself, “Well Mrs. Flannery hates nature! She normally keeps the blinds closed. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate God’s creation. She just seems not to do well outdoors!”

Jesse laughed, “Well that seems to be the issue with a lot of ladies.” He wrapped his arm around David.

“It’s all that sweet perfume they wear. God’s little bugs and creatures can’t help but be attracted.”

Jesse found himself lingering longer than he should have with his arm around the boy. David did not mind; he stared out the window basking in the warmth of the sunshine and the pleasant smell of Jesse’s cologne wafting into his nostrils.

Jesse pulled away quickly. “Well, it’s a lovely classroom. I can’t wait to teach here.”

David snapped back to reality. “I can’t wait for you to teach here.” Then he mumbled, “I have your class.”

Jesse turned and smiled at the boy with a genuine glow of happiness, “So, I’ll get to see you every day?”

David blushed, “Yes sir!”

The reverend licked his chapped lips and cleared his throat. He turned his attention back out the window to the green space.

“Awesome!” he whispered with a smile. The silence was interrupted by the bell. David sprang into action.

“Oh gosh, I’m going to be late for my next class!”

Jesse grabbed his hand, “Hey I just moved to town. Maybe you can come over and help me get unpacked, and we can watch one of those holy land documentaries?”

David bit his bottom lip, “That would be wonderful Pastor.”

He rolled his eyes, “Call me Jesse! The pastor is too formal. We are all equal in the eyes of the Lord.”

He ran across the room and grabbed a sticky note. He wrote down his address and phone number to give to the boy. “Call me anytime.”

CHAPTER 2

David was breathless by the time he ran to the other side of the college. He could not possibly focus on the class after what had happened with Pastor Jesse. He had these feelings before but shoved them deep inside of him. He thought the lust he was feeling was of the devil.

The last thing he wanted to do was a sin against the Lord. He knew he wasn’t supposed to feel this way about someone of the same gender. His head was aching from the freeway of thoughts rushing through his mind. He raised his hand. “Professor, May I be excused?”

The Professor lowered his glasses. “I would prefer not, but you don’t look so well. Why don’t you just go home, and we will see you tomorrow.”

David gathered his things and briskly made his way to the door. He needed to get to the bathroom. Maybe cold water would help as he pushed open the door there he was the object of all of his disturbing thoughts. Jesse arched his brow as he dried his hands.

“Hi David, Are you okay. You don’t look so well.”

David froze in place, his mouth hanging open looking for the words to say. He burst into tears and ran to the sink. He scrambled to turn the water on. Jesse ran up behind him and placed his hand on the boy’s back.

“Hey, buddy, What’s wrong?”

David recoiled, “Don’t touch me! I shouldn’t be around you!”

Jesse lifted his hand and stepped back to give the boy some air. “Talk to me bud! Maybe I can help?”

David breathed in and out. “I’m not sure I feel comfortable talking about it.”

Jesse spoke softly with concern in his voice. “I have heard a lot in my 37 years; I’m a pastor. I help people!”

He laughed, and David smiled as he wiped the tears from his face. Jesse approached him slowly and wrapped his arm around him. “Let’s go to the sanctuary and talk?”

David shook his head. He knew the last thing he needed was to be alone with him. But, he didn’t know what else to do. His mind was burdened, it had been for some time. He could not even stay in the dorms with the other guys because he would find his eyes watching them get dressed, observing their bodies, watching them while they slept, longing secretly to be curled up next to one of them. He had always been taught it was wrong. But the older he got, the harder it was to deny his attraction to guys. He had even tried to force himself to carry on a relationship with Wendy. A very sweet Christian girl who had the face of an angel and a heart like Mother Teresa. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. Their relationship was very Disney though: Holding hands, going for walks, eating lunch together. All those sweet little things new couples do together. He knew after a year; she wanted to take things to the next level. She had dreams of a little house in the country with a white picket fence and children. The very thought of it sent him into a state of panic. He had read books about gay people who had managed to suppress their lust and live a life with a lady as God intended. But lately, he wondered if God would want him to hurt some young lady that way. He could not imagine five or ten years into a relationship having to break up a family because he could not handle hiding who he was anymore. He prayed every night that God would take this from him. That somehow, he could be cured of his “gay” desires. The fact he had not, led him to believe that maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with him.

It was hard even to fathom what life would be like for him if his parents found out he was gay. He knew he would be disowned. It broke his heart because he loved them so much. He had heard the horror stories though. A friend of his had spoken to a counselor about his desires it resulted in the boy’s parents showing up and taking him away to go to a Conversion camp.

David knew he would rather die than have to experience that. He knew conversion camps were designed by evangelical Christians to torture the gay out of someone. He had heard stories of boys who were shown naked men and electro shocked when they became aroused. He had already decided to kill himself if his parents somehow found out about him.

He missed the connection he had with Paul. He was a beautiful boy, with an athletic body. He had beautiful blonde hair and deep blue eyes that would make the ocean envy their intoxicating pigment. He played on the college basketball team and had a bright future ahead of him. The trouble came when all of his teammates would tease him for not having a girlfriend yet. What nobody knew was that he had been secretly spending time with David. They would sneak out at night time and just lay in the courtyard, talking for hours about their hopes and dreams.

One night their friendship had bud into a sweet romance ending in a kiss that David still dreams about to this day.  His heart ached to have that kind of connection again with another boy. The worst part was he never got to say goodbye to Paul. He prayed every night that he would somehow survive and maybe one day they could reconnect. Once they had made it to the sanctuary, Reverend Jesse sat down and patted the bench next to him.

“This is a place of love. You may speak and bear your soul here. You have my word of discretion.”

David could not help but feel like this is how it happened to Paul. But something about the sweet pastor’s eyes and caring demeanor made him feel safe.

CHAPTER 3

“Pastor Jesse, I am so confused I don’t understand these feelings I am having.”

David began to sniffle; he could feel the tears coming. He didn’t even know this man or if he was safe to talk to.

Jesse put his arm around him.

“Tell me more buddy? What feelings?”

David paused. He wasn’t sure he could even muster up the strength to say it.

“Take your time,”

Jesse whispered: You are safe here with me.”

David was overcome with emotion. He buried his face into the man’s chest. Jesse jumped. He didn’t expect to be healing hearts today. David spoke with despair in his voice.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me I feel like God hates me for the way I feel. I have tried so hard to be close to Him and do everything right, but I just can’t escape it; I just can’t stop my mind from thinking about it.”

Jesse stroked the boy's hair, “There, There, David. God Loves all of His children no matter what they have done. He is always with you. He can hear you crying at night. He has seen every tear you have cried.”

David screamed, “How can God love a faggot! That’s all I am!”

Jesse could feel the tears in the back of his throat. He pulled the boy off his chest.

“I want to make something perfectly clear. Do not call yourself that word. God loves you, and you are created in His image.”

David replied, “But the Bible says it is an abomination.”

“Do you want to know something unique about the Bible? A lot of the thoughts and statements are made by prophets who at the time, went by what society thought was right and wrong. Our Lord is a loving God, and you know what. He understands the way you feel. Have you ever wondered why, even though you are so close to Him; that one prayer you pray, for God to take this away never was answered?” David was speechless at the man’s wise words. He straightened the boy’s cowlick.

“You are a beautiful young man, who has a purpose. Your life matters and all God wants is for you to follow HIS commandments. Love your neighbor, pray for those who persecute you. My child, the whole New Testament is a love letter to His people. Jesus did not hang out with the people who were holy. His friends were the outcasts, the people who no one associated with.”

David listened with fascination, devouring every word Pastor Jesse was saying. It was like medicine to his aching heart.

“In fact, He said in his word David; I did not send my son into the world to condemn it, but to save it. Everyone always focuses on John 3:16, but I think the verse that follows is equally as important.”

Pastor Jesse smiled, “Make since buddy?”

David had never looked at his life with this perspective. He had been torturing himself for years for something he had nothing to be ashamed of. He could no more change the way he felt about guys than he could about the color of his skin. It wasn’t going to be easy, but at least he saw a silver horizon now that wasn’t visible before.

Maybe God had answered his prayers, by sending him a messenger. But there was something David still did not understand. How could a pastor already know these things and how to say them? He had to know; his analytical nature would not let him rest until he understood how the sweet pastor knew what to say.

“It’s starting to make since Pastor Jesse; I mean Jesse.” He smiled at the man. “How do you know these things?”

Jesse smiled, “Because I’ve been where you are. I have felt the same things you have felt now.”

David stared at the man.

“I don’t understand!”

Jesse leaned in and winked, “I’m gay, buddy!”

David threw his hands over his mouth with a gasp.

“Now, you can’t go and tell anybody that or they will have me out of here faster than an exorcism.”

They both laughed. Jesse tousled the boy’s hair. “I wasn’t much older than you when I started to realize there was something different about me.”

The moment David shared with Jesse today, had changed him forever. For the first time, he felt like he could continue his life. He didn’t tell the good Reverend, how many times he laid awake at night debating whether or not he should just end it all. The only thing that kept him from going through with it was the fact he could not ask forgiveness for killing himself. It was everything he could do to keep himself from kissing the reverend. There was no way to repay the fact his gentle words had saved his life.

CHAPTER 4

The battle wasn’t over yet. David had no idea how he was going to tell Wendy. She had the right to know so that she could move on with her life. He was going to tell her tomorrow.

He had spent the whole night in prayer, asking God what he should do. Although he did not feel the same way about her as she felt about him; His heart was still breaking.

He invited her to his apartment off campus. His hands trembled as he paced the floor waiting for Wendy to arrive.

A happy voice rang from the door, “Hello, guess who?” Her cheery disposition was like a light shining in the darkness. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. No matter what he knew, it was going to hurt her. The little things she did and how she acted around him showed, this was more than just a friendship. David mustered up a fake smile and yelled back to the door.

“Is it Avon?” A wild girly laugh echoed down the hall as she turned the knob and entered the apartment.

She greeted him with a hug, “Hello snookums!” David secretly hated that nickname. He hugged her; she immediately knew something was wrong. She wasn’t one to show she was worried or upset though. She simply continued with her cheery tone. “You sounded so strange on the phone, what’s wrong?”

David motioned her to sit down on the sofa. She was wearing a pretty floral dress. She always looked so pretty and radiant, like a little girl. One of the things he admired was Wendy’s ability to provide comfort no matter the situation, just by being there. He swallowed hard: He could not look her in the eyes.

“I have been dealing with something spiritually, and I have not been able to talk to anyone about it.”

She blinked a few times. Her smile dampening a little.

“We can’t go on seeing each other as boyfriend/girlfriend.” He paused, she stretched her hand to hold his.

“I don’t understand. Was it something I did or said?”

David quickly responded. “No! Not at all! You are a wonderful person.”

Her tone became frustrated, “But there must be some reason. There must be something I did!”

David started to cry, “Please understand. I’m setting you free. The life and future you want can’t be with me.”

Wendy screamed, “This is crazy! You are not making any sense David.”

He could not take it anymore, “It’s because I’m gay!” he screamed.

Tears began to stream down her face as she lowered herself back down onto the sofa.

“Isn’t that when someone is attracted to the same sex?”

David sighed, “Yes.”

“But we can get you some help! I love you, David. We can get you cured of this. They have places you can go to be turned straight.”

David cried, “That’s the problem, you will never understand. I don’t want to be cured.” He looked into her eyes. “I can’t change who I am no more than you can change the color of your skin.”

Wendy rubbed his arm, “But honey it’s a choice. Can’t you choose not to act on your feelings? I will be here for you.”

“I can’t do that to you! You want children, and I can’t give them to you. I have no physical desire to have children. It’s not a choice! If you think this is as easy as a choice, then you choose to have a girlfriend.”

Wendy looked at him mortified. “I can’t!”

David stared at her with a pained expression. They sat in silence for a moment waiting for each other to say something, but there was nothing left to say. She grabbed her purse and David stared out the window. As she closed the door, she whispered,

“I will always love you, David. Thank you for telling me.”

CHAPTER 5

It had been three days since David left his apartment. Wendy’s words ingrained in his mind like a broken record. The pain in her voice devastated him. He knew telling her the truth would be painful, but he had no idea, it would hurt him this bad. It wasn’t that he had genuine feelings for her he just knew her hopes were so high.

Still, they had a lot of fun together; romance wasn’t necessary. They had been very young when they met back in high school, so they were more like best friends.

If David was honest with himself, she was his only friend, and he was mourning that loss: before, if he had a bad day or a bad moment, he would call her, and she would be right over with some kind of delicious baked goods, they would talk for hours until he felt better. He would do the same for her. Anytime Wendy was stressed out by work or school, she would call him for comfort too. Now, he didn’t have anyone, right when he needed them most.

He hesitated for a moment, before answering the phone. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. It was a number he didn’t know. He figured it might be someone from the school to find out why he had not shown up to class for a few days.

David answered, “Hello? Can I help you?”

It was Pastor Jesse, “Well, you are still alive. I was starting to worry you were dead. You would have to be, to want to miss my class!”

The kind man’s voice soothed his soul. He had not spoken to or heard another person’s voice in the past few days. He thought, “Why was I hoping it would be him?”

He was feeling so vulnerable at the moment. He didn’t know a lot about being gay yet. But, the sin be damned. He would give anything just to lay and hold with any guy in a sweet embrace. He mustered up the strength to answer the concerned man,

“I am so sorry Pastor Jesse.”

He thought to himself again, “I wished I could have just gone to his class and skip everyone else’s.”

But with the way he was feeling at the moment, he was lucky to use the toilet, he hadn’t even showered in a few days.

They paused for a moment, and Pastor Jesse interrupted the silence. “What’s going on little buddy? Little Wendy Monroe has been a wreck for the past few days. Rumor has it, you and she were an item?”

David held his eyes together tightly. Bless her heart. That girl was strong to get up and still go to college even after what he had done to her. It isn’t every day a person’s entire plan for life gets yanked out from under them like a rug.

David answered him, “Yes, she at least thought so.”

Jesse made a sucking sound with his teeth. “Well, that’s just too bad. I take it our conversation had something to do with this?”

David felt tears welling up in his eyes. “I just couldn’t let her keep thinking she had a future with me when she didn’t.”

“I completely understand buddy, but if she can get up and come to school, so can you! She had a lot more to lose than you did, you know?”

His caring tone was very fatherly but sweet. It resonated with him. He was just feeling guilty for doing it to her. He always knew they did not have a future. She, on the other hand, did not.

David suddenly snapped back to reality. Life could not end just because he was feeling guilty. He decided maybe it was because he was feeling so vulnerable, maybe, it was because he was feeling reckless and a little less than a Christian. But, something inside him longed to see Jesse.

“Pastor? I need to talk to someone about all the guilt I am feeling. Do you mind if I take you up on that offer, to watch a documentary?”

Jesse smiled, “That would be wonderful? Did you keep my number?”

“Yes, sir. David confirmed. Well, take down this address.” The reverend whispered. He was still at school, in between classes and did not want anyone to hear him.

“777 Heavenly Way.”

David felt chills run over his body.

“That’s the church on the corner of Providence Blvd?”

“Ah, I see you are familiar with the location?” Jesse said with a sophisticated, but patronizing tone.

David smiled for the first time since the “event” took place. He could hear the joy in the sweet man’s voice as he laughed too.

He didn’t know what was happening to him. But he felt like going out for the first time in days.

“It’s been a long time since I have entertained company, other than church flock who need something. So, you will have to forgive me.”

David replied, “That’s okay, how does 7 pm sound?”

“Wonderful”

“See you later then?”

“Just don’t stand me up!”

David quipped, “No never!”

The way he felt the last thing he needed was to isolate another person from his life. He just prayed Wendy kept his anonymity, and not told the whole school that he broke her heart. Not that it mattered anyway now. He was more concerned about making himself presentable for Jesse.

He had not felt this way before, even when dating Wendy. He never tried hard to be date worthy, not that he was sloppy, but for some reason, he felt the need to look his best for Pastor Jesse. He sprung up from the sofa and took a whiff of his pits. “Oh God! I smell!”

He scanned the clothing he was wearing. He did not even know off hand what he put on. But, it was wrinkled and smelled bad from sleeping off and on for the past three days and not showering. He ran down the hall to the bedroom, stripping off his dirty clothes leaving a trail all the way to the doorway. He flung open the dresser drawers and scanned his wardrobe to see what he had to wear. He finally decided on a beautiful white pair of khaki pants. He tossed them and a pair of clean tighty whities on the bed. As he slid the closet door open, he noticed how organized he was. Coincidence? Maybe? He thought to himself. But he was more concerned about looking his best. He thumbed through the various button-up shirts and finally stopped on one in the back Wendy hated. She said it looked too effeminate. It was white, adorned with tiny roses his mother had given him one Christmas. He always liked it even though Wendy didn’t.

Last he grabbed a beautiful red cardigan from the back. He held it close to his skin and inhaled the sweet cologne that lingered on it. It had belonged to Paul, his secret boyfriend. He remembered the night Paul had given it to him. They snuck out on a brisk October night to walk in the park. When Paul noticed him shivering, he pulled off his sweater and wrapped him in it. He would never forget that night as long as he lived. He started to cry thinking of him. He prayed every night that he was okay. He hoped Paul would stay strong and not kill himself like many of the boys who had been sent there before him. If they could not be together, he at least wanted to know he was okay. Deep inside, he hoped maybe one day they would meet again.

CHAPTER 6

David’s mind was racing as he showered. Thoughts of a potential future with a guy: How would he explain this to everyone? How would he tell his parents? They could never find out that he was going on a date to a pastor’s house. He did not know what to expect. What if he let his emotions take over and did something he would regret. The endless scenarios were driving him crazy. He shut off the water and grabbed the towel from the rack to dry off. He wrapped it around his waist and began styling his hair. He had always worn his hair the same way, but he wanted to try something different. He grabbed the gel from the cabinet and smeared the sticky paste through his hair. It stuck up on his head like a punk rocker.

He looked in the mirror and smiled trying his best to look suave. It wasn’t working, he turned the water on and stuck his head under the flow to wash it out. Trying so hard was exhausting to him. He finally combed his hair the normal way he did, parted to the left side. His little bangs hanging off to one side.

Once he was satisfied with the result, he made his way back to the bedroom to get dressed. He dropped his towel in front of the mirror and checked out his body. He had never paid much attention to it before, but he was wondering if he looked good. He ran his hand down the curvatures of his small frame and down his little butt which appeared perky in the mirror. His sense of awareness heightened to the fact he was an attractive young man. He didn’t know why he had never noticed it before most likely because his self-esteem was so low he never bothered to care how his body looked. Being a good Christian boy, even if he was attractive; he knew masturbation was a sin and ignored the urges he had.

He grabbed the tighty-whities from the bed and slid them on. He suddenly felt like a little boy, that he still wore tighty-whities. Paul had worn boxer shorts. Even though he never got to see them as much as he wanted to. He noticed the waistband many times when Paul had bent over to do something. The thought of Paul in boxers was turning him on. He looked down at his lusting flesh.

“Please, not now!”

He reached for the khaki’s and pulled them up, and then grabbed his rose adorned shirt. Once he had completed the ensemble, he gazed at himself in the mirror. He was amazed at how nice he looked. He pulled on Paul’s cardigan and buttoned the two center buttons. He was feeling good. He grabbed his messenger bag by the door and exited the apartment. The early evening was ripe with excitement and possibilities.

David hopped onto his bicycle, the address Pastor Jesse gave him on a sticky note. He knew Providence Evangelical well. It was the church he attended every Sunday. When Pastor Tyler left, he had no idea that Jesse would be his replacement. He had missed a few Sunday’s, and the only thing he could assume was it was one of those Sunday’s Pastor Jesse gave his sermon. The congregation was unanimous with their decision to make him their new Pastor. Besides, he would remember such an attractive man.

David arrived at the church parsonage. A beautiful ranch style house adjacent to the church building with a big yard and beautiful pine trees sheltering the property. While trying to find where to park his bike, a friendly voice came from the front porch.

“Hey, buddy! I’m glad you could make it.”

The outfit Pastor Jesse was wearing was a stark difference from his teacher attire. David licked his lips as he gazed upon the god-like man that stood before him. He was wearing bright white cargo shorts and a sheer button-up shirt slightly unbuttoned and showing off his beautiful chestnut colored chest hair.

David could feel his hands trembling as he propped his bicycle up on the kickstand and made his way up the walkway to the house.

Jesse met him with a tight embrace and a smile.

“Hey, you look great! Nice shirt!”

David laughed nervously, “Thanks so much! So do you!”

Jesse waved his hand in dismissal, “Eh, these are just my comfortable, around the house clothes.”

He opened the screen door and wrapped his arm around him as they entered the stately ranch home.

David glanced around, “Wow! This place is beautiful!”

Jesse walked around the island separating the living room and kitchen. “It suits me well, my real house in Heaven is much larger.” He winked at David, “Can I get you something to drink?”

David ran his tongue across his dry lips, “That would be great!”

Jesse poured two glasses from an icy pitcher, “How about some tea?”

David smiled and took the glass from him. “That sounds perfect.”

Jesse sat his glass down on the coffee table and walked up behind David and began massaging his shoulders.

“Why so tense kiddo? I don’t bite! Make yourself at home.”

David closed his eyes; it was hard to ignore how nice it felt having the man’s strong hands rubbing his shoulders. He was in bliss for a moment, before he managed to utter the word, “Okay.”

He unbuttoned his cardigan and Jesse slid it slowly off his shoulders. David turned around to take it from the man who smiled as he folded it neatly over his arm.

He glanced into the man’s kind eyes, the butterflies in his stomach were in flight as Jesse reached out and touched his face.

“You’re such a beautiful young man.”

David panicked he didn’t know what he was feeling, or what to do. He was trying to remember how to kiss, just in case Jesse decided to make a move. But the thought of Paul’s sweet lips on his was making him sad. He closed his eyes and basked in the man’s touch.

Jesse addressed his concerns before he could ask, “This is just a visit my son, you are under no obligation to feel like you need to do anything but vent and use my shoulder to cry on.”

David opened his eyes. The man’s kind words were so soothing to his soul. Part of him did wish Jesse would have kissed him though.

Jesse sat down on the soft overstuffed sofa and patted the cushion next to him. “Sometimes just being close to someone when you are hurting can heal a multitude of ailments.”

David took a seat and Jesse wrapped his arm around him while pressing play on the TV. David was watching him; it felt so good being close to a man, against the warmth of his body, his intoxicating cologne, the sheerness of his clothing where he could feel the physique of his body. Oh, how he wanted to kiss him. David turned his attention to the program that had begun playing. It was a documentary touring the Holy Land which was right up David’s alley.

As they spoke, Jesse turned to him, “Are you comfortable?”

David shook his head a silent yes as he stared up at him, after a moment David lifted his hand and placed it on Jesse’s chest.  Jesse slowly covered his hand with his own and pressed his fingers lightly into his. David had never felt this way before; even when he was with Paul, whose moves were rapid and lusty, he was more concerned with getting to the next base with David. This was different. This was beautiful and relaxing. He never wanted to leave the embrace of his new friend.

As the night darkened the sky outside and the documentary played on the TV, Jesse turned to him. “I’m feeling hungry, can I get you something to eat?”

David did not want to impose on the man, but he was starving. He had not eaten in a few days. “I don’t want to take your food Pastor!” Jesse arched his brow, “It’s what I do, I feed and nourish my flock.”

David laughed, “Okay well if it’s not too much trouble that would be wonderful!”

Jesse smiled, “Well it just so happens, I fixed this huge pizza!”

The man turned around the pan in hand with a delicious multi-topping pizza. David was blown away.

“How did you know pizza was my favorite?”

David got up from the sofa and walked over to the island, he took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet aroma of it.

Jesse picked up a slice and held it out to him. David wasn’t sure what to do so he leaned forward with his eyes wide open staring into Jesse’s and bit down on it provocatively.

Jesse squinted and bit down on his bottom lip.

“I have plates you know?” Jesse smiled.

David placed his hand over his mouth; in his attempt to be sexy, he had bit off more than he could chew.

Jesse laughed, “Take your time! Don’t choke!”

David gulped, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Jesse plated several slices for them and shook his head with a coy smile. “Quite alright! We will pretend that suave moment did not happen.”

David blushed and closed his eyes, “That would be awesome.”

Over dinner, they talked about everything that happened over the past few days. David bore his soul and Jesse listened to everything he had to say with deep compassion.

They eventually found themselves back at the sofa. Jesse wasn’t sure what to say, so he just held David and stroked his hair. There was nothing he could say about what had already happened. David wasn’t seeking advice anyway; he deeply needed to talk to someone who understood, and after a while, he fell asleep in Jesse’s arms.

Jesse was enjoying the company. It was nice to have another person to talk to. He was alone most of the time; it was kind of hard to carry on a relationship with someone as a minister. The congregations that didn’t know he was gay would kick him out if he were shacked up with some guy.

It was nearly 11 pm when the documentary that had been playing ended. David awoke, realizing Jesse was holding him. He didn’t want to go home and be alone again, but he guessed he needed to man up and show back up at school tomorrow. He also knew that Jesse had to teach a class.

“Hey, sleepy guy! Are you feeling better?”

David sat up on the sofa, “I am feeling much better. Thank you for everything Jesse. That was the best pizza I have ever eaten!”

Jesse winked at him, “Why, thank you for your kind words. I hate to say it, but I guess we better get some sleep for tomorrow. You have classes!”

David shook his head, “Yes, I will be there. Life isn’t over, so I guess I have to show up.”

Jesse tweaked his cheek, “You can do this buddy. I am here for you.”

David rose from the sofa, stretched and reached for his cardigan at the same time Jesse did. Their eyes met, and Jesse moved in close to his body; David was ready. He closed his eyes as Jesse kissed him lightly on the cheek.

He whispered, “Thank you for keeping a lonely old man company tonight.”

David touched his warm cheek and smiled.

“Can we get back together soon?”

Jesse rubbed the boy's hair, “I would love that. I’ll call you.”

Jesse led him to the door and wrapped him in a hug, then closed the door.

David stood on the porch for a moment basking in the chilly Autumn wind on his face. He could hear the leaves rustling, and he turned back to the door to see if Jesse was still there.

He had never felt what he was feeling before. For the first time, he had a true friend. Their age differences didn’t matter to him. He had always felt much older than the kids his age anyway.

David walked down the walkway to his bicycle. He felt at peace about who he was becoming as a person. As he pulled up to his apartment and turned the knob to go inside, he felt an emptiness that had not been there before. He wasn’t sure what to do about it either. So many questions whirled through his mind as he got undressed. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to continue pursuing his degree in theology. Maybe he should do something else?

He didn’t have time to think it over tonight. He held the shirt he was wearing up to his face. It smelled of Jesse’s cologne, and for some reason, he did not just discard it into the hamper as usual. He climbed into bed and held it close to his naked body. Oh, how he longed to be sleeping sweetly in the man’s warm embrace.

Back at Jesse’s, he was cleaning up from their movie night. The same thoughts were whirling through his mind about his life. Maybe he should leave the church and pursue a relationship with David. Even though he had a good head on his shoulders, his foolish inhibitions were desiring to throw everything away and spend all of his time with David.

He was grown up enough to realize a relationship with a younger guy would have its challenges. But still, that didn’t keep him from fantasizing about it. He shut the kitchen lights and TV off and walked down the hallway to his bedroom. He had already decided to ask David over tomorrow night. If anything was ever worth a try, this relationship was. Not only could he help David embrace who he was as a man he could gain a friend for life and potentially a long-awaited steady boyfriend.

CHAPTER 7

It was the middle of the night when David was awakened to a knock at his door. He fumbled to check his phone to see what time it was. He rarely had company, especially at 1 AM in the morning. He scrambled to put on some pajama pants and a t-shirt. He crept to the front door, his mind filled with worry.

“What if someone had seen him at Pastor Jesse’s?”

He peered out the peephole but could not make out who it was. A tear-filled voice called from the other side.

“David! It’s Paul; please let me in!”

David immediately felt all the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. The amount of shock he was in could not be put into words as he struggled to unlock the door. He flung open the door, and Paul collapsed into his arms.

David was frantic, “OH my God Paul!”

He placed his hands on both sides of the boy’s dirty face, and Paul pressed his lips to David’s. David gripping the back of the boy's neck for life as they tried to catch their breath. A wash of tears streaming down their faces as they held in an embrace.

“I thought you were in Utah at conversion camp? What are you doing here?”

The boy still looked as beautiful as he did the day they were separated. His beautiful blonde hair unwashed and greasy. His body slender and malnourished but still holding onto the athletic frame that once graced him. Paul slid his backpack off his shoulders and onto the floor. He stood for a moment as David glanced at the dirty young man who stood in front of him.

“Where have you been? You look like you haven’t showered in days.”

Paul sighed, still wiping the tears from his eyes. “I’ve been in a semi truck for three days.” he mumbled.

“Do your parents know where you are? We need to call them to let them nowhere you are.”

Paul held his hand up in protest, “Fuck them! I will never forgive them for what they did to me.”

David was overcome with emotion; he could not figure out which question to ask first. He took the boy’s hand and led him to the sofa. Paul collapsed onto the sofa and quickly turned to embrace David. David squeezed him tightly as Paul wept into his chest. Through his tears, he explained.

“My parents took me to our Pastor, and he performed an exorcism on me to try and cure me from being gay. After I tore away from him, they chased me down, and my father took me to the greyhound station to send me away to Camp Renewal. A lady was supposed to meet me there, but I never made it to Utah.”

Paul paused for a moment as David listened to every word the boy said with fascination. His patience had worn thin,

“How did you get here? What happened?”

“I stayed in Salt Lake City until I could get enough money to come back here to Kentucky.”

“Were you homeless?” David whined trying to choke back the tears welling up in the back of his throat.

Paul raised up from his chest and looked into his eyes. They were tired and weak from living rough for several months.

Paul ran his fingers down David’s cheek. “You kept me alive.” He gasped for air as another wave of tears began to fall down his face.

“You don’t know how far I have gone, just to come back home. To be with you, my love.”

David’s eyes welled with tears, and he began to weep. “You don’t know how scared I was when they took you away from me.”

Paul leaned his forehead against David’s. “Never a night went by where I didn’t think about you.” Paul whined and collapsed again in David’s arms. David mumbled through his tears, “But how did you get here?”

Paul could hardly raise his voice to speak; he managed to whisper. “I walked for over 100 miles before a truck driver picked me up. I had to perform a few favors for him, but he brought me all the way to the border before he had to change routes.”

David brushed Paul’s hand, “Oh my God, Please tell me you are okay. He didn’t hurt you did he?” David could feel his blood boiling that his once well-off boyfriend had to do what he did to get to him. He was even more shocked and amazed that another human being would hitchhike across the country to get to him.

David pulled the boy in tighter to him, “Welcome home Paul; I thank God you are alive and here with me again.”

Paul placed his hand on David's shoulder, using the last bit of energy he had to kiss him.

“You don’t know how far I would go just to kiss your lips and feel your touch.”

They laid in their embrace until the dawn’s early light began shining through the window. David opened his eyes to realize it was not just another sad dream that he would wake up from just to find an empty bed.

Paul opened his eyes to meet David’s and whispered, “So much better than the dream.”

David’s heart erupted with glee and sadness. But his mind was combated as his phone dinged from the coffee table where he had dropped it last night when he heard the knock at the door. He could see the screen from the sofa. It was Jesse texting him.

“Good morning buddy, you don’t know how much last night meant to me. Thank you for keeping a lonely man company.”

David closed his eyes. He remembered the feel of the kind reverend’s skin pressed tightly against his. His nostrils filled with the smell of the man’s woodsy cologne.

“What was he going to do now, that Paul showed up?” He still had feelings for Paul, but he could not risk throwing away the man who had been there for him when he needed someone most. He could never repay the kindness of Jesse being there for him when he admitted to himself that he was gay; also, that he was kind enough to find his private number and call to check on him when he had missed several days of school.

CHAPTER 8

“Who was that?” Paul asked as he lifted up from David and stretched.

“A teacher,” David replied without trying to sound as nervous as he was.

“Oh, you’re still taking classes for your theology degree?”

“Yes,” David smiled.

“I can’t believe you are here!” David reached out to touch the boy’s face.

Paul closed his eyes succumbing to the warmth of his touch. David could feel the grit on the boy’s skin like a film.

“Do you want to get a shower?” Paul opened his eyes and replied meekly.

“Yes, very much so!” David was excited he was here with him. He never thought he would see Paul again.

David motioned down the hallway, “Please make yourself at home! I’m sure you are exhausted after traveling so far for so long.”

Paul shook his head in silence. Being separated from everyone he knew and loved had made him hard. His sweet jock-like nature was gone, and he was a broken man.

“I promise not to stay for long! I know you have classes, and a life of your own.”

Paul bowed his head and went to grab his backpack from the doorway to the apartment. “I will see if I can find someone to stay with in town until we can get reacquainted with each other.”

Even with his ungroomed hair and scruffy appearance, you could still see a shred of his well-to-do upbringing and college education shine through.

David jumped up from the sofa, “Please you don’t have to leave! If I can’t help a friend down on his luck, what kind of person would I be?”

Paul smiled and stretched out his hand to touch David’s face. David placed his hand on Paul’s and closed his eyes. “I see you are still the sweet guy you always were,”

Paul whispered. “How could I turn away my first love.”

David bit down on his bottom lip trying to suppress the wave of tears he felt coming. Paul pulled his hand away slowly, and David opened his eyes to meet his gaze.

“You loved me?”

David blushed, “How could I not? I remember every touch and every kiss you ever gave me.”

A tear slid down Paul’s face, “I never wanted to go.”

David whispered as he leaned his forehead into Paul’s. “I know that now.”

Paul whispered again, “I really want to kiss you, but maybe I should get a shower first?”

David smiled, “Yeah, you reek.”

They both laughed, and Paul turned to go down the hallway.

David stopped him before he went in. “Do you have any clothes?”

“No, I don’t have anything anymore,” Paul replied solemnly.

David felt so blessed, even in his meager existence he had managed to escape the hell that was “conversion therapy” He wondered how it could even be called therapy. The very concept went against everything he had ever known as a Christian. Ripping away everything a person was just because they happened to love and desire the same sex. It was at that moment David realized what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to follow the example Pastor Jesse had so lovingly set by showing him; there was nothing wrong with him.

David made his way down the hallway and hugged Paul. “ I still have your clothes.” He whispered as Paul began to cry on his shoulder. “Your roommate gave them to me after you were taken away.”

Paul whined, “But how?”

“He knew I was your friend and figured I could get them back to you.”

David separated for a moment and opened the closet door in the hallway and pulled a box covered in dust from the bottom. He brushed away the dust and opened the lid. Paul fell to his knees and pulled the sweatshirt from the top holding it to his face and weeping. David stooped to his knees and held him close to him.

“I will always love you and be here for you Paul.”

Paul wailed, “You are an angel.” He began frantically pulling article after article of clothing from the box. In the bottom lay a notebook with private wrote across the front. He ripped the book from the bottom and held it close to his chest.

David looked at him inquisitively, “What is that?”

Paul gasped and swallowed a few times trying to gain his composure. He looked up into David’s eyes; “They are love letters I wrote to you I wasn’t allowed to give to you before I left.”

David could feel his heart breaking into pieces watching as his broken lover rocked back and forth holding the book like a child who had just passed away.

They sat for what seemed like hours holding one another in the hallway, surrounded by Paul’s belongings before he was finally able to get up and proceed to the shower.

David sat in the living room, reading the letters Paul had written for him. He could not believe his love wasn’t in vain, Paul without a doubt loved him more than his own life. He had proved it in more ways than one. Paul emerged from the shower dressed in his favorite outfit. Clean shaven and looking like a restored version of his former self. His colorful tank top and basketball shorts clinging to his body just the way they used to. Nothing had changed, just seeing him cleaned up left David week at the knees and longing to lie with him in bed making sweet love for the rest of the day.

Paul took his seat by him on the sofa and turned with a smile.

“Thank you for saving my things.”

David replied, “You are a part of me, how could I just throw away all the time we spent together.”

Paul was beginning to see David in a whole new light; there was something different about him. Some kind of wisdom that had not been there previously. He was overcome with desire; he hoped that the next move he made, David would desire as much as he did.

Paul took the notebook from his hands and ran his hand down David’s cheek. David threw his inhibitions to the wind and met his lips, his entire mouth enveloping Paul’s as he slowly drifted back into the cushions of the sofa letting David take him. Their tongues intertwined with one another and their bodies pushed against each other. Paul and David’s soft moans echoing through the apartment as their senses elevated higher.

Paul whispered, “You will never know how long I have desired to make love to you.”

David replied, “I think I have an idea.”

Paul bit down on his neck making David’s face writhe with desire-filled pain. He begged, “Please Paul; Please take me, Take my body.”

They rolled into the floor between the coffee table and couch, giving Paul the advantage.

“No one can stop us now,” he said with a sharp breath. “No one can ever separate us again!”

David moaned, “Oh Paul.”

“Oh David, my sweet angel boy.”

Paul grunted in between nibbles on David’s neck. He slid up David’s t-shirt and began kissing him all the way down his torso. David contorting his tummy outward to accept Paul’s fountain of kisses washing down his body. He took the boy’s head in his hands. His eyes rolled back in pleasure, and his mouth opened in ecstasy as Paul got ever closer to his wanting cock.

CHAPTER 9

David barely left the apartment on time only to be a few minutes late to school. When he left the apartment, Paul was sleeping soundly on the couch. David had placed a throw over him and kissed him on the head before leaving. He was feeling optimistic about life again, by some miracle Paul had come back to him.

As he got off his bike, a familiar voice greeted him.

“Hey! There’s my little buddy.”

The man’s voice was still just as soothing to his soul at it was last night. He turned around and smiled. Jesse walked up to him with a big bear hug. David inhaled deeply, that sweet smell of his woodsy cologne was like an anesthetic to him.

“Are we still on for tonight?”

David laughed nervously, “Of course we are!”

“Awesome!” Jesse replied robustly.

“Get your cute butt to class, I will see you soon!” The man spun his messenger bag around on his waist and made his way up the stairs. David could not help but notice how nicely his suit pants were hugging his firm muscular thighs and butt. It made him flush with embarrassment. But as he entered the school and was making his way to class, he remembered Paul and his mind was heavier than it had ever been.

The boy he prayed would come back to him was here and in his apartment. But the sweet man who helped him when he felt there was no hope, was just as excited to see him as Paul was last night.

He made it through his first class just fine, managing to engage with the professor and collect his missed assignments. All the time he missed had racked up quite the to-do list for him. He knew the next period was Pastor Jesse’s class; he had already missed the first three and was nervous about being prepared for today.

He took his seat at the front of the room right next to Jesse’s desk. Jesse had not noticed him enter the classroom and turned around to greet the class. He winked at David and began.

“Good morning friends! I have a very special lesson to cover today. For those of you just joining us, come to see me after class for some reading and notes to get caught up.”

He directed his attention to David, who blushed as the man smiled coyly at him.

“Now, we are starting in Genesis, and this semester we are going to cover all of the Old Testament of the Bible.”

David gulped, He had no idea the class was going to be so thorough when he signed up for it.

As Jesse was reading from Genesis, David could not focus on the words he was saying; he was daydreaming about what life with Jesse could be. Oh, the places he could show him, the sights they could see, the people they would meet. His mind drifted as he watched the man’s body flex as he spoke with conviction and animation, he was passionate about every word he spoke, just like a good minister and teacher should be. His thoughts were interrupted by him.

“David! Are you still with us?”

He had glazed over sometime in the garden of Eden and was looking like a lovesick teenager. Jesse approached his desk, the man’s crotch eye level to him. Jesse snapped his fingers, and his face was highlighted with a faint hint of pink from the boy’s focus on his package.

“Pay attention little buddy! There will be a test on this tomorrow.”

David sat up and smiled nervously at the man. An awkward pause occurred, and Jesse proceeded back to the front of the classroom. David turned his head to see if the entire class was staring at him. They were as undeterred by what the man was saying as he was. It bothered David that no one seemed interested.

“Why were they even here he thought to himself.”

To be truthful most of the students were doing it out of obligation to their parents who had wanted them to choose a nice Christian school. He knew that from Paul who had wanted to go up north to U of L. At the time Paul had a bright future as an athlete ahead of him, but now David wondered if he had even been able to pursue his education further.

“What if our goals have changed,” David wanted more from life than to get by. He wanted life to be full of adventure. He wanted to help people and make a difference. From what he could tell last night, Paul had a troubled few months, and the burdens he carried were going to take even longer to heal.

David could see a bright future with Jesse as well. He knew it was a little far-fetched, but part of him liked the idea of being a married to him.

As Jesse drew class to a close, he wrote the assignment out on the blackboard. “Tomorrow I expect a full page thesis of How Eve’s decision and influence on Adam affect us in today’s society, and as always have a blessed day!”

Jesse closed his Bible and gathered his note papers that were spread about on the podium. David walked up to him once everyone else had left,

“I enjoyed your sermon today Pastor; I mean Jesse.”

The man shot him an impish grin, “Really? I didn’t think you were paying attention to my mouth.”

David turned in embarrassment and Jesse playfully punched at his shoulder.

“Seriously though, if you want to check me out try to be a little more subtle about it.”

“About what?” David protested.

Jesse leaned in biting his bottom lip “Staring at my tree of life.”

David began to choke on the man’s evocative stance and commentary. It was an obvious pass.

David struggled to come back with a clever response,

“Well, it was very hard to miss when it was right in front of me.”

Jesse bowed his head and gave a manly giggle as he turned pink. He adjusted his eyes to meet David’s. “Now that was good kid. It’s not right for you to give the teacher erections when I have another class coming in here in five minutes,”

David was surprised he could be so dirty, he knew it was wrong, but their playful banter had the same reaction on him too. As he was leaving the classroom, Jesse called from across the room.

“Can’t wait to continue our conversation later.”

David laughed as he backed into the doorknob he was so nervous after their exchange he could barely keep it together to find his way to his bike.

CHAPTER 10

David was feeling great for once, the dark depression he had been in had lifted, and he was feeling optimistic about the future. He parked his bike outside of his building and rushed up the stairs. He could not wait to see Paul; it was nice to come home to somebody instead of the mundane silence of humming appliances. He turned the knob and shouted, “Hello, boyfriend! I’m home.”

He stepped inside, but Paul was nowhere in sight. He called again, “Paul?” He noticed the bathroom door was slightly ajar and the light was on. It was odd because he always turned off the lights before leaving to go to classes.

He walked slowly down the hallway, and he could see Paul’s sneakers on the floor like he was laying down. David screamed as he slowly opened the door. Paul was lying lifeless on the floor. He fell to his knees and cradled the boy in his arms screaming, “Oh my God! Oh my God! Paul, please wake up! Please.” He looked around to see what could have happened. He noticed Paul’s backpack open and a bottle of half empty, unmarked pills tipped over into the sink. He wailed, “Oh God Please No! Please wake up; I love you so much!”

He began pounding on the boy’s chest screaming. “No! God, You can’t take him away from me!” He collapsed in tears on the boy’s chest.

“Why? God Why? I love him so much.”

David gathered his composure and trembled as he dug his phone from his messenger bag. His fingers were shaking so violently he could barely dial 911.

A friendly woman answered, “911 how can I direct your call.”

David wailed through the tears, “Please help me, Please! I think my boyfriend just overdosed.”

The operator replied with urgency, “Ok sweetie, breathe! Where are you?”

“I’m at my apartment at 327 Yorkshire Way, the apartments next to Providence University.”

She replied, “Stay with me honey, we have ENTs en route!”

David screamed, “He was just fine when I left for class!”

The woman whispered, “Shh, I’m here with you, do not go near the body sweetie. What’s your name?”

David whined, “I’m David!”

“And the victim's name?”

“Paul,” David whined.

He slid down the wall into the floor.

“My sweet Paul.”

David could hear the sirens coming up on the building rapidly. The 911 operator spoke as he cried. “I hear the siren’s baby; they are almost there. Is there anyone else there with you?”

“No! I’m all alone!” David gasped for air.

“Is there anyone you can call?”

David thought for a moment, the first person who came to mind was Jesse.

“Jesse! I have to call Jesse!” he shouted.

David could hear the footsteps running up the stairs to the apartment. They opened the door and rushed in. A young man stopped and placed his hand on David’s shoulder.

“Son, stay with me. Where is the victim?”

David trembled as he pointed down the hallway. A group of ENTs raced around him down the hallway. He could hear them scramble to get to Paul’s body. The nice paramedic hugged him and whispered. “Everything is going to be okay little guy.”

David wished the words he was saying were true. He wished the medic was Jesse holding him.

He managed to speak through his state of terror. “Please, I need to call Jesse.”

The medic replied, “We sure can, what’s his number?”

David handed the medic his phone and the man scrolled through the contacts.

“Pastor Jesse?” he replied inquisitively.

David shook his head. He could hear the medics from the other room yell clear as they shocked him, once, twice, and then another time.

Meanwhile, the medic sitting by David dialed Pastor Jesse’s number, and it rang.

Jesse saw it was David’s number and answered, “Hey, little buddy, what’s up?”

The medic spoke clear and concise, “Sir, I am here with David it seem’s his roommate has overdosed. We are unsure if the boy is still alive. We are currently trying to revive him.”

Jesse spoke calmly from the other end of the call, “Oh my God, I’ll be right there!”

Jesse jumped into his car and sped down the city streets as fast as he could go. He wasn’t even paying attention to the traffic lights. All he knew was he had to get to David. As he pulled up to the apartment complex, he bolted up the steps to the open door of the apartment. He saw the medic and David sitting on the floor.

David could smell his cologne as he entered. He turned and raised his arms to the man like a child who wanted their daddy. Jesse collapsed to the floor and pulled David’s trembling body into his.

“Don’t worry baby, Jesse’s here.”

David erupted into tears as Jesse tried to find out from the paramedic what happened.

The medic replied, “We received a call from David here around 2 pm. He had got back from school and discovered Paul on the floor and a bottle of pills overturned into the sink.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the young female who was also a medic. “I’m so sorry.” She crouched down to look at David who was hiding his face in Jesse’s chest.

“We can’t save him, sweetie; he’s gone.” David gasped for air and buried himself deeper into Jesse’s chest. A lone tear slid down Jesse’s face. “Poor boy” He began to cry in Jesse’s hair. After a few moments, Jesse composed himself enough to speak to the medics.

“I am a reverend, please before you take him, let me go pray for the boy’s soul.”

David raised his face to look at Jesse’s, “I will be right back. Let me just transition his spirit.” David shook his head.

“Will you be okay here with Cassie and Michael for a minute?” he had to look at their nametags. He never liked to address anyone without their name. David whispered, “His name is Paul.”

Jesse ran his hand through David’s hair. “Thank you, buddy; I’ll send him to Jesus.” David began to cry again as the pastor slowly made his way down the hall. No matter how many times he had done it, nothing prepared him for seeing someone’s body lying lifeless in a floor or hospital bed.

He slowly pushed the door to see Paul’s beautiful body laying there. Jesse was overcome with emotion. He wasn’t expecting such a young boy. He whispered, “My God, so very young” as he ran his hand down the boy’s cheek and took a deep breath.

He took the boy’s hand, “Hi Paul; I’m Jesse, I’m here to help you cross over to the other side.”

Jesse was holding the tears in the back of his throat. He looked up toward the sky and spoke softly, “Dear God, Please have mercy on this beautiful child’s soul. He didn’t know what he was doing. Whatever sin he has committed I ask you to take pity on his soul.”

Jesse kissed the boy’s forehead and pushed his eyelids closed with his hand. “Rest in peace Paul.” He made a cross-motion over his chest and exited the bathroom. He nodded to the paramedics who were waiting with a gurney to take him away.

CHAPTER 11

The medics had managed to get David to get up from the floor and move to the couch. Jesse took a seat by him and wrapped an arm around him. David was still crying and numb from the whole experience. The medic’s inquired, “Have the boy’s parents been notified.”

Jesse replied, “I will take care of everything here.” He thanked them for their service and pulled David’s head into his chest as they rolled Paul’s lifeless body past them.

David gripped the man’s shirt tightly as he heard the wheels of the gurney squeak past them. Jesse’s face was contorted trying to keep from crying. He needed to be strong for David at this point.

He noticed an open notebook on the coffee table and picked it up to read what it said.

He whispered, “David I think you need to hear this,” He began to read.

“My sweet David, I love you more than life itself. I just wanted to see and taste you one more time before I ended my life. I have nothing left to give in this world and no one wants me. So with this letter, I bid you farewell my love. Thank you for loving me, even when no one else would.”

Jesse had tried to keep his composure, but by the time he finished reading the letter. Sadness had overtaken him too. He held David and rocked back and forth whispering, “Jesus, Please help us.”

David reached to take the notebook from him and gripped it to his chest.

He had not spoken in a while. Everything he was feeling erupted into an emotional plea. “God Why? Why did I have to leave him here alone?”

Jesse grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “You are not to blame for this! Please don’t listen to the words Satan is whispering in your ear. You are needed! And You Are Loved more than you can ever imagine.”

David wiped the tears from his eyes and stared at into the reverend’s kind eyes. They were filled with love, and warmth, and compassion. Jesse’s heart could not take seeing him in such pain. He jumped up from the couch and David searched to see what he was doing. He grabbed the boy’s keys and backpack from the entryway slinging the backpack over his shoulder, he walked over to the sofa and took David’s hand.

“Come on, your coming home with me! We have to get you out of here!”

David looked panicked as Jesse guided him to the door of the apartment and locked it behind them.

The ride to the parsonage was silent, Jesse simply held and rubbed the boy’s fingers as he stared motionless out the window. When they pulled up to the beautiful ranch house, Jesse got out of the car and went around to the passenger’s side. David was visibly traumatized. He shoved his arms under the boy and lifted him from the car. David wrapped his arms around Jesse’s neck and laid his head on the man’s shoulders as he struggled to open the door. When they were inside, he carried David to the bedroom in the back of the house, and laid him down on the bed. He covered the boy and kissed his forehead as David’s eyes slowly began to close. The whole event had left him exhausted emotionally and physically.

Jesse’s heart ached for him; he wasn’t sure how to help him recover from this. But he was determined that the boy wasn’t going to go through this alone.

It was a long night for Jesse as he stayed awake checking on David periodically to make sure he was doing okay. The sun had already risen, and Jesse was looking a little worse for wear. His hair messy and beard looking scruffy. He had tried contacting Paul’s parents the night before, a woman with a strong southern accent answered, “Davis resident’s can I help you?”

Jesse knew it was his mother when she answered. He had got the boy’s name from his ID. The paramedics had given him the boy’s backpack after removing some questionable pills and syringes from inside. It was everything Paul had left in the world. The reverend searched through it to try and find any other family to no avail.

His mother was not kind; Jesse began to explain. “I wished I could have called you under better circumstances, but a student of mine was your son’s roommate and when he returned from school today, He found him overdosed on the bathroom floor of his apartment.”

There was a chilly silence from her end of the line.

“You must be mistaken; our son is in Utah at Church camp.”

Jesse was shocked by her response, “Ma’am is your son Paul Davis?”

She replied coldly, “We used to have a son named Paul, whatever he has done we do not wish to know.”

Jesse’s voice strained, “Your son is dead do you even care?”

She replied, “As far as we are concerned, the fag reaped what he sowed. We told him his sins would kill him.”

“How dare you use that tone with me. He was a person, a human being that God created in his image.”

Jesse was infuriated and began giving the woman a piece of his mind. Her disregard for human life was more than he could bare. The phone call ended with the woman hanging up on him, but not before he gave her a piece of his mind.

“As a reverend, Madam I have never seen such blatant disregard for a human life that God created. I hope on judgment day you are not surprised at whatever fate the good Lord bestows upon you!”

Jesse had heard of things like this happening during the 1980’s AIDS crisis, but he never thought there were still people in 2018 who acted this way. He could never imagine someone disowning their child for something they could no more help than if they had freckles.

David finally emerged in the hallway. Jesse was trying not to hit him with conversation first waking up. He had been asleep for over 16 hours. He jumped up from his chair and ran down the hallway with open arms to meet him. He was so happy to see him awake, during their hug he picked David up off the floor and spun him around.

“Hey, little buddy! I’m so happy to see you.”

David forced a smile, and asked meekly, “Can I please use the bathroom?”

Jesse smiled, “Well, of course, you can. It’s just back there past the master bedroom.” Jesse sat the boy down and patted his butt as he turned the corner to the bathroom.

He had finally figured out what to do about David’s friend. He was going to pay to have the boy cremated and spread his ashes out by the river. He needed to ask David if that would be okay first.

When David finished in the bathroom, he made his way down the hallway and over to the sofa where Jesse was sitting. He only wanted to be close to Jesse, after losing so many people in such a short time he was feeling vulnerable and needed the closeness of another person. Jesse didn’t mind the attention either; he had so much love to give after being alone for so long. He opened himself up, and David slid his slender body between the man’s legs and leaned back on his chest.

Jesse had already called the school to have a substitute come in for his classes. They had found a sweet lady at the last second who called to ask him what she needed to cover. Jesse told her that she might have to fill in for a few days while he was tending to a death in the family. The woman apologized warmly and sounded relieved that all she had to do was read the Bible, and maybe show a film of the holy land.

Jesse had other things to think about. The morgue would not let anyone but parents claim the body and he needed someone’s permission to let the boy go to the funeral parlor. They had agreed to do the cremation for free, being the boy had no family, and the Pastor was taking care of the arrangements. Everything was already taken care of before David even woke up. He wanted to focus on helping the boy heal from this horrible ordeal.

He finally whispered, “I have some things I need to go over with you buddy. You don’t have to do anything but listen.” David still wasn’t speaking but shook his head to acknowledge he had, in fact, heard Jesse speak to him.

Jesse began, “I called Paul’s parents, but they would not acknowledge he was their son.”

David squeezed his eyes tightly together letting a few tears fall.

“But I’m taking care of everything. Henderson’s funeral home has agreed to perform the cremation for free as a favor to me.”

David smiled and finally spoke, “You are such a wonderful man, I feel so blessed to have met you. But how did you get the morgue to release his body?”

Jesse smiled, “I told them I was his father and gave them the information off his birth certificate.”

Jesse hugged David tightly, “No one is ever alone, they always have their heavenly father. I just happen to be his stand-in here on earth.”

Jesse could not ignore the sparks he felt as the boy nuzzled his beard. He gently kissed the boy’s neck making him sigh with relief. David could not help but feel like his pain was being kissed away.

David realized what Jesse was telling him, “You mean to tell me that you are taking care of all the arrangements?”

Jesse smiled down at him, and their eyes met, “Once you get older, you realize you would do anything to see someone you love happy.”

David closed his mouth, his eyes filled with shock and bewilderment, “Wait, Are you saying you love me?”

Jesse closed his eyes for a moment, “We don’t have to put a label on anything if it makes you uncomfortable.”

David lifted his hand and moved the man’s head to his lips. Jesse hesitated, and David pressed their lips together. His heart began to race. David’s body melting into his as Jesse’s arms tightened around him, and they held their kiss.

As they separated, Jesse exhaled. “You don’t know how bad I wanted to do that.”

David whispered, “Then do it again.”

Jesse lowered his face. David arching his neck back to take the fullness of Jesse’s lips on his. He slid his hands up the boy’s torso and rested them over his heart.

He whispered in-between playful kisses, “But, I do love you.”

David paused and whispered, “I love you too Pastor Jesse,” and they smiled.

CHAPTER 12

A few days had passed, and David had not returned to his apartment since Paul took his life there. He wasn’t sure he could ever go back. He knew he did not want to face it alone. As Jesse was making breakfast for the two of them, a knock came at the door. It was an older man dressed in black holding a beautiful but simple urn with a small gold plaque reading, “Paul Davis.” He spoke very solemnly as he handed Jesse the urn.

“Hello Reverend, We have taken care of your son’s body.”

Jesse was misty-eyed as he held the urn in his hands. He looked down at it and then back to the mortician. “Thank you so much; May God bless you for this.”

The elderly gentleman tipped his hat and turned to leave. Jesse closed the door behind him and took the urn over to the desk in the corner of the living room.

He glanced to see David’s expression and noticed the boy was moments away from tears. He walked over to where he was sitting and hugged him. David wept in his arms as Jesse brushed the boy’s hair and whispered, “I’m here buddy, take your time.”

David lifted himself from the barstool and walked across the living room over to where the urn was sitting. Jesse stayed back for a moment as he watched the boy finger the name on the urn. He turned to Jesse, “They did a good job.”

Jesse smiled, “Yes they did.”

David mumbled, “Paul would have liked the color. Silver just like his favorite basketball shorts.”

David picked the urn up and hugged it, and Jesse took his cue to come over to where he was standing.

“He will always be with you David,” he said as he placed his hand over David’s heart. “He will forever stay in your heart, and no one can ever take that away from you.”

David turned around still holding the urn in his arms and Jesse hugged them both.

The weekend passed by and Reverend Jesse spent it getting ready for his sermon on Sunday, while David relaxed and recovered from the death of his beloved Paul. They held each other, ate snacks and watched documentaries. Come Saturday night David realized he needed to get a change of clothes and something to wear for church on Sunday. Jesse noticed he was more anxious than usual.

“What’s wrong little buddy?”

David hesitated, “I need to go back to the apartment to get a few things.”

Jesse did not want the boy to go back at all at this point.

“Well, I understand. How about we go together, and if you need something from the bathroom, I will get it for you.”

He stroked the boy’s hair reassuringly. David smiled.

“Okay, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you letting me stay here.”

“Don’t think anything of it; you know what? Why don’t you just move in here?”

David looked shocked by the reverend’s question.

He added, “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to do something if you aren’t ready, but I do have a guest room. Just think about it.”

David turned away with a look of contemplation. It was the perfect solution to a problem David had been trying to figure out over the past four days. He didn’t know how he was going to live there after what happened. He turned to Jesse who had gone back to reading his book.

He tapped his shoulder, Jesse lowered his reading classes and replied in a low friendly drawl.

“Yes?”

David smiled at the man’s playful banter, “If it isn't too much trouble, Maybe I can stay with you until I find a new apartment?”

It was hard for Jesse to contain his excitement, he bit down on his bottom lip trying to suppress the happiness he was feeling inside.

“That would be just fine. We will go after dinner tonight and pack up what you need? Do you own any of the furniture?”

David shook his head no in response to his question. “Just a few clothes and some miscellaneous nicknacks.”

“Great!” Jesse said with a smile. “I’m kind of a packrat; the guest room is already furnished.”

David look at the man skeptically, “I thought you guys take a vow of poverty.”

Jesse rolled his eyes, “Just the catholics.” he smiled.

Jesse made his way to the entryway table and grabbed his keys.

“You ready little buddy?” David slowly made his way to the front door. He was nervous, and Jesse could tell.

“Wait! Before we go,” Jesse wrapped his arms around him. “We don’t have to stay any longer than you can.”

David exhaled. “Okay.”

Once they made it to the apartment, the aftermath of what happened still lingered; the screen door was still ajar, and visions of Paul flashed through David’s head. Jesse held his hand as they climbed the stairs and turned the key to go inside the apartment.

The air inside was hot and humid. Jesse had stopped by the home improvement store to get a few boxes to pack his things in. David did not own very many material possessions, but what he did own meant a lot to him.

As they stood in the door, Jesse watched David to see what kind of emotions he was experiencing. He wanted to be able to step in if David could not handle it.

David unfolded a box and began wrapping a few nickknacks in paper, tucking them neatly in the bottom of the box. Jesse took a box to the bathroom and quickly packed away the few toiletries David owned. Once he had finished, he made his way to the bedroom to pack up the boy’s clothes. He opened the closet door and shook his head,

“Wow! You have a lot of clothes.”

David laughed as he went back to see what he was talking about.

“It’s not that many.” He protested.

Jesse rolled his eyes and caught the boy’s gaze. He reached over and patted him on the head. “You are such a little gay boy!”

David shifted his gaze and Jesse smiled, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You should see my closet!”

David smiled, “Really?”

Jesse shook his head, “It’s a habit, a reverend does need to look nice you know!”

As they began placing his clothes into the box, their hands would touch as they were reaching for the same shirts.

They had a job to do, but Jesse was managing to keep David distracted from the environment they had found themselves back in.

The tension between the two of them was obvious. David and Jesse were yet to have physical sex. David had never got that far with Paul either until the night Paul had returned. They had only made out and spent long periods of time holding and rubbing each other. He wasn’t sure it would be right for him to sleep with a pastor. His decision was made for him when Jesse had finished sealing up the box from the closet. He pushed it to the side, and as they stared into one another’s eyes.

Jesse whispered, “You are so beautiful.” David blushed and turned away, Jesse approached him slowly and placed his hands on the sides of his face. He brushed the boy’s bangs to one side with his fingers, and slowly he lowered his lips to David’s pushing them tighter than he had ever before. David’s arms enveloping the man’s body as Jesse nudged his tongue ever further into the boy’s slightly open mouth. David dug his slender fingers into his firm shoulders and leaned back against the wall taking the man’s tongue deep into his mouth. He flicked his playfully at the man as Jesse moved his hand to David’s lower back and pushed his tiny body into his. David could feel the excitement of the man as his wanting bulge pressed lightly into his. Jesse released his mouth for a moment, and David moaned a breathless sigh.

“Jesse, what are you doing?”

Jesse pulled away abruptly and turned to wipe his mouth on his sleeve.

He looked back at David, his eyes drunk in love. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me? I don’t know what came over me.” David leaned against the wall panting like a deer who had just run away from a hunter. They stood motionless stealing glances at one another. Jesse broke their combative stance and moved the box from the floor to the hallway. They had almost finished packing up everything. David sat down on the bed; they were both silent after what had happened. Jesse trying to get everything to the doorway and David sitting on his bed absorbing the last few moments in his little apartment, and the kiss Jesse had just given him. His thoughts were interrupted as Jesse emerged in the doorway with a smile, “You ready to go?”

David stood up from the bed and walked over to where Jesse was standing; he grabbed the man’s tie and pulled his face into his. Jesse’s eyes were filled with wonder and confusion. He was silent as David made his best bedroom eyes at him.

He whispered, “Not yet!”

He quickly kissed the man and Jesse closed his eyes. David pulled away quickly leaving Jesse leaning into him wanting more. Jesse opened his eyes and tucked his hands under the boy’s tight butt and lifted him up from the floor. David wrapped his legs around the man’s waist, and Jesse kissed him rapidly and deeply as they made their way to the bed. He laid David onto the stripped bed and climbed up on top of him. David moaning, and contorting his body. The man’s touch was addictive, and Jesse could not get enough. As much as he wanted to stop himself, he could not. With each button he flicked open, his need to feel the boy grew. He slid his hands down David’s hairless body up and down trying to somehow keep from going any further. David bucked his hips beckoning the man to touch him. Jesse saw his wanting bulge and ran his hand up the seam of his shorts, springing it back onto David’s body like a slingshot in slow motion. David tucked his hand between Jesse’s muscular thighs and slid it up and down causing Jesse’s manhood to twitch and paw at the font of his dockers to get out. He bucked his hips with each motion, the closer the boy’s hand got to his anatomy.

He looked into David’s eyes and whispered a heavy sigh full of breath, “I don’t know how to stop this now.” He moaned, displeased with himself. “Please, David may I make love to you?”

David replied hastily, “Please Jesse, Please I need it. I’ve waited 20 years, I can’t wait anymore,” he whined in anticipation his lips locked in a pout ready to receive his.

Jesse looked up at the ceiling, “Father, please forgive me,” and lowered himself into the boy’s already arched body waiting to receive his, and they became one.

CHAPTER 13

Jesse was looking a bit hungover when they arrived back to the parsonage. David was smiling contently; he had not even realized they were back. Jesse had not spoken since they made love back at David’s old apartment. He walked around to the passenger’s side of the car and opened the door. The sound of it opening caused David to jump and Jesse to laugh. Jesse held his hand out to take David’s.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet, that was just the most intense physical pleasure I have ever encountered.”

David giggled, “Try waiting twenty years? Jesse closed the door and sighed.

“I did.”

David turned to address him, “What? What do you mean?”

Jesse smiled and tousled the boy’s hair. “I waited twenty years too. The last person I had sex with was a young man who turned me into his parents. Which resulted in a huge scandal and me leaving the church for a while.”

David hugged him, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Jesse whispered in his ear, “It’s okay, I forgive him. He regretted the decision after he made it. That’s something I want you to understand kiddo. When you make a decision, you have to own it. Whether it’s coming out or choosing a partner for sex, just please give me a heads up before you turn me in.”

Jesse was playing but halfway serious, he felt bad for not being able to control his human urges. He realized years ago though that the body needed that deep connection with another person, and as long as you love them, there is no sin in it. It was lust that was sinful; he had decided he could not keep wanting this boy if there was no promise of a relationship.

He remembered their moment earlier where they had expressed their love finally, and it was hard to control his physical desires after that. He had no intention of having sex with David if his feelings were not the same. He never wanted to take a young person’s choices away from them.

As they unloaded the car, David stood in the middle of the guest room. It was like the Hertz castle compared to his meager one bedroom efficiency, He had only been able to afford because his parents sent him a small allowance. On the bright side, he would have money to pursue other things now that he was living with Jesse.

They had already discussed how to handle the church folks. David was simply his son from a deceased wife, and he never remarried. Jesse was still amazed that even in today’s society people did not perceive older men with younger boy’s well. A younger lady with an older man, no one questions. But a younger boy with a man, suddenly the older guy becomes a pervert.

Jesse was unconcerned with anyone’s perception of him anyway. Anything he chose to do was between him and God, and no one else should concern themselves with it.

As Jesse set the last box down in the guest room, he noticed David already sitting things about to make the room more of his own. He took a seat on the bed.

“You know anytime you want to come sleep in my room you can, now that were roomies?”

David shot him a clever smile, “Sounds like a fun idea to me, but you should know I’m a cuddler.”

Jesse laughed, “Oh is that so? Well, that will be just fine. Since I’m a bed hog, I may just roll over on top and cover you like a blanket.’

David ran from the closet and pinned him down on the bed. He stared down into the man’s loving eye’s. “Thank you so much for everything.”

Jesse smiled and pushed the boy’s bangs to the side with his fingers. He paused and looked embarrassed for a moment. “Oh no.”

David looked worried, “What?”

“Boner again,” Jesse replied dryly.

David twitched his butt with a contemplative look on his face. He stuck up a finger and said, “Ah, there it is!”

Jesse’s face contorted as the boy twitched around on top of him.

He smiled and reached up to tickle him; David shielded his sensitive tummy and pits from him.

“No I’m super ticklish, don’t!” he protested between laughs.

Jesse wore himself out trying to get to the boy’s ticklish parts and succumbed to the fact David was just too swift at avoiding his fingers. They laid side by side holding hands trying to catch their breath.

David whispered, “I have never had so much fun, I feel so free with you.”

Jesse sighed, “Me too kiddo.”

The evening passed by quickly, David unpacking his things and Jesse working on his sermon for tomorrow in his office to the side of the living room. Tomorrow was also the day they were going to the river to set Paul’s ashes free. David still had his moments, and Jesse understood. No one so young should ever see someone die in such a horrible way. Jesse knew from experience, he had overseen many funerals in his life, and it was hard sometimes to keep from thinking about a person after their earthly body had passed away. He liked to remember a person’s spirit as they were on earth, before they got sick or before they were depressed. He knew that just because some people carried the burdens of sadness and depression, it did not define them, deep inside of them was the person they were. Depression was just a piece of their story. He never tried to make someone do something they didn’t want to do or even treat them any differently.

David noticed that about Jesse, with every person he interacted with whether they were straight, gay, Christian, or non-christian. He had respect for human life. David aspired to be just like him.

As they were preparing for Sunday service, David was ready and waiting for Jesse to emerge from the bedroom. He was like a beacon of light as he walked down the hallway. His beautiful tailored white suit and shoes squeaked down the hallway. David was awestruck by his presence.

Jesse gathered his notes and Bible from his desk and turned to address him. David’s eyes were locked on him prompting him to ask nervously.

“What? Too much?”

David shook his head no. “You just look so different, in your pastor clothes.”

Jesse laughed, “Well, Thank you. I will take that as a compliment.”

David smiled, “Is it time?”

Jesse shook his head, “Let’s go, son!” They both shared a laugh. It was hard for them to keep a straight face. Jesse scolded him, “Now look you can’t laugh in front of the parishioners. They will get suspicious.”

David bit his bottom lip chastised a croaked out an, “I’ll try!”

Jesse rolled his eyes, “Just come on.”

David listened to every word Jesse said during service. It was like every word he spoke was meant just for him, and as service concluded he wanted to stand and applaud him for his great message. He watched as the congregation exited and complimented Jesse on a job well done. The little church that was mostly a mix of older people mingled with a few middle-aged families was abuzz with the positive message.

David could not help but think, “This is how church should be every Sunday.”

After service, Jesse locked up the church building, and they proceeded to the river. It was the moment David had been dreading for a week now. He never thought he would have to say goodbye to Paul in this way. He had often wondered if their relationship would have stood the test of time, but at this point, he could not hold onto that burden any longer. His future was bright, and his heart was feeling complete for the first time in his life.

As they stood over the river on the hillside, he began to feel the sadness of Paul’s life. Jesse opened the urn and prayed, “Dear Father in Heaven, we want to acknowledge you and thank you for being with us in this troubled time. We are grateful for the life you have given us, and we ask you to have mercy on this young soul. May he find comfort in your arms and may he truly be free.”

David leaned his head on Jesse’s shoulder, and he lifted his arms. The ashes erupting into a spray as the wind carried them away. He closed his eyes and bowed his head onto David’s.

He whispered, “Fly high my child and be at peace.” A lone dove cooed and guided Paul into the atmosphere. His ashes flickering like glitter in the wind.

David wept into Jesse’s arms, Paul’s urn cradled between them. He cried, “I love you so much Paul, and I will never forget you.’ He lifted his head to the sky and whined, “I will see you again someday.”

Jesse sat the urn down on the ground. He covered David with his embrace and whispered, “Shh, I’m here for you, and I will never leave you.”

Sometimes life doesn’t go like we planned for it to go. But, if we have faith, there may be answers we weren’t expecting. They may not come the way you want them to, or as fast as we want them to. Even if you are alone, and all hope seems to be lost. All it takes to receive an answer is a short prayer, even if you don’t believe there is a higher power out there. Just pray to yourself and believe that you can shape your destiny with the choices you make. Because nothing is sweeter in life than the answer to a Prayer for Love, It will always find a way.

EPILOGUE

Wendy Monroe met a young music student at the college, and they became very close. She is now a worship leader at a local church. She finally got her little cottage, white picket fence, and a daughter.

Jesse left the church after a group of elder members figured out that David was not his son. David moved away with him to a farm in Indiana where he preaches at his own little church in the country. They have an outreach called the Paul Davis foundation that helps young LGBT people find a safe place to start their life over and live the way they want as openly gay individuals. Jesse asked David to marry him after living together for a year.

Paul’s parents called Jesse and apologized for the way they treated him. They came to visit him and David at their farmhouse in Indiana and gave them some of his personal belongings. David runs a clothes closet for homeless youth and LGBT individuals. He left college to work and volunteer in the community where he could make a real difference. Paul’s parents now run an agency that helps parents whose children came out as gay and Christian. They provide literature and education written by Pastor Jesse.

They were married at the river where they set Paul’s ashes free.

HELPLINE

If you or someone you know has recently come to realize you have same-sex feelings, please do not be afraid of what you are feeling. You can contact

The Trevor Project 24/7 and speak to someone, who can help you. Seek out an LGBT affirming church and do not tell anyone that may cause you harm. There is nothing wrong with you and Jesus Loves You even if you feel no one else does.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Daniel Elijah Sanderfer is a retired Hospitality Manager who currently resides in Southern Indiana with his husband, William. Originally from the Blue Ridge Mountain region of Virginia, he grew up in a strict religious home. He moved to Indiana to be closer to his then fiancé.

They have been married for one year and together for 14 total years. He was always interested in writing even from a young age and was featured in a few poetry collections as a teen. When he is not writing, he is a caretaker, as his husband is disabled and requires full-time care.

He enjoys going to antique stores and in the summer weekend long yard sales. He currently writes LGBT fiction with a positive direction as he feels too many love stories experience tragedy. He likes to highlight the stories that survived. The couples who fought to stay together and the families that do accept them.

YOU CAN REACH DANIEL VIA EMAIL AT:

DANIEL_ELIJAH@MSN.COM

HE IS ALSO ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, QUEER ROMANCE INK.

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