This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are either the product of the author�s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, businesses, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

One Bright Star

Copyright � 2012 by Kate Sherwood

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without the written permission of the author, except where permitted by law.

eBook ISBN: 978-0-9881530-2-8

http://www.katesherwoodbooks.com

***

CHAPTER ONE

“It’s a Christmas tree.” Dan waited for the baby to process the idea, or the words, or the image… whatever it was that was keeping his eyes so wide and alert. “They’re fairly harmless. And this one is anchored so tight it wouldn’t move if a hurricane came through, so you can touch it if you want.”

“He’ll be climbing it by lunchtime.” Evan’s voice was affectionate and only a little boastful, and Dan leaned back into the warmth of a strong, broad chest.

“More likely that he’ll be eating it,” Jeff warned. “I told you about the lemon.” He had one arm around Evan, the other hand resting on Dan’s shoulder.

“Just get him to stop looking like it’s going to eat him,” Tat instructed. “I want to call this picture Robbie’s First Christmas, not Robbie’s First Panic Attack.”

Dan jiggled the baby a little, and reached his own hand out to touch the needles of the tree. “See, RJ? Just a tree. You’ve seen trees outside. This one’s in a weird place, though. And the ornaments are new, right? You don’t usually see ornaments on trees.” Dan tweaked one of the shinier baubles, and the baby watched in fascination as it moved.

Tatiana was snapping away wildly, taking her self-assigned responsibilities as the family’s photographer as seriously as she always did. “Good candids,” she said. “I’m getting some good shots, here. Dan, can you turn just a little more toward the camera? Angle your head down a little?”

“I think they stop being ’candids’ when you start making me twist around like a pretzel.” But Dan did as he was told. In his worst moments of insecurity, he thought of Tat’s many photo sessions as a way to collect evidence. See? he’d tell future RJ in the midst of whatever crisis the boy was suffering through. See how much we loved you? See how we’d have done ANYTHING for you? We still will—just tell us what you need!

He shook his head to banish the thoughts. The baby would be fine. Evan and Jeff wouldn’t let Dan screw him up.

“Okay, he looks happy again,” Tat decided. “You guys get all posed up for the portrait.”

“And you get your butt over here to be in it,” Jeff said firmly. “A family portrait needs as many family members as possible in it.”

“That’s what the camera’s timer is for, Tat,” Evan prompted.

“I want a few with just the boys,” Tat said firmly. “I’ll be in the ones this afternoon, with Anna and the rest.”

Great. Just one more thing to worry about. Maybe Dan wasn’t just going to ruin RJ’s life; maybe he was pushing Tat out of her family, as well. But Jeff was the one who would normally pick up on something like that first, and he merely said, “Get a couple with Dan and Evan and the baby, too. Lots of variations.”

“Fine.” Tat agreed absent-mindedly. “Now, smile! This is Christmas, not a firing squad!”

When Tat was finally satisfied, Dan stepped forward, RJ outstretched toward her. “I’m already really late,” he said. It was only a slight exaggeration. “Can you feed him? Evan ends up with more food on the walls than in RJ’s mouth, and Jeff seems to think it’s a good idea to give lemons to babies.”

“I expected better from Jeff, but that’s probably the best you’re going to get from Evan,” Tat said as she accepted the offered child. “Cereal and fruit and yogurt?”

“He doesn’t seem to get sick of it,” Dan agreed. “I’m just chauffeuring, so I shouldn’t be more than a couple hours.”

“Chauffeur and couples therapist,” Evan said with a smirk. “It might take you longer than you think.”

Dan ignored him and headed for the door. He was going into this with a positive attitude. But he couldn’t deny that he was braced for anything.

***

“I don’t have to go,” Ryan said gently, for about the tenth time in Dan’s hearing. Who knew how many other times he’d offered when Dan wasn’t around. “I’m fine here.”

“And I’m fine with you coming,” Chris insisted. “I want you there. I want you to meet them all.”

Dan kept his eyes on the road and tried to ignore how tightly-wound Chris sounded. It was no wonder Ryan was having trouble believing the words, given the manner in which they were delivered. Chris had been tense for days, and it was so out of character that it was actually worrisome.

“It’s a big family thing,” Ryan said. “Maybe it’d be easier if I met them at a smaller event, or something. You said your parents were planning to come out in the new year—should we just hold off until then?”

“Are you trying to back out, now?” Chris asked. “Because I’m not. I want this to happen.”

And Dan had been quiet long enough. This was Chris, after all. “I want it to happen, too. In case anyone cared. Ryan, I really, really want you to make out with him under the mistletoe. In front of Grandpa Travis.” He glanced toward Ryan’s spot in the backseat and grinned. “The old bastard used to have coughing fits whenever Justin even looked at me, or touched me on the shoulder or something. Now, his own grandson has gone to the Dark Side? Fuck, it’s going to be beautiful.”

“There’ll be no making out in front of Grandpa Travis,” Chris instructed quickly. “It might kill him.” He pretended not to hear Dan’s quiet, gleeful agreement.

“I don’t really plan to make out with you in front of any family members,” Ryan said firmly.

“You’re still staying in a hotel, right? The whole ’the house is too full already,’ line worked?” Dan asked.

“It’s a Christmas miracle,” Chris said, “but, yeah, so far, it’s working.”

Best not to wonder about that too much. Would the Foster clan have been so willing to allow one of their members to self-banish if he was bringing home a female lover for the first time? And if Dan had thought of that question, then Chris had certainly thought of it, too. Had Ryan? Maybe not. The man was so laid back he was practically comatose, and there were times when it was a definite advantage. It must be nice to be able to turn his brain off like that.

They pulled into the domestic departures area at the airport and Dan swivelled to face Ryan. “Last chance, man. Evan’s resurrected some crazy Polish tradition of setting an extra place for unexpected visitors at big meals… he’d love it if someone actually took him up on the offer.”

Chris was already climbing out of the car, and Ryan smiled in his general direction. “Thanks, but I guess I’ll see this through.” He lowered his voice. “He has already told them, right? I mean, he’s acting weird…”

“He told them. I wasn’t there, but there’s no way he’d lie about that.” It was Dan’s turn to look toward Chris, now pulling bags out of the trunk of the car. “I think maybe it’s just that it’ll be more real, if you’re actually there? I don’t know, but I guess telling your parents that you’re bisexual and involved with a man is a bit different than having them see you with a man?” Dan shook his head. “But I’m just guessing.”

“And that’s the weirdest part.” Ryan pushed his door open as he said, “If you don’t know what Chris is thinking, who the hell does?”

“Probably not Chris.”

“Yeah, probably not.” Ryan climbed out of the car and leaned down to say, “It’ll be fine. But thanks for the offer.”

“Good luck.”

Then Chris’s head appeared at the open passenger-side window. “Four fifteen on Friday, Danny. Got it?”

“I’ll be here.”

“Did you write it down somewhere?”

“Nope.”

“So how’re you going to remember?”

“When you text me seventeen times to remind me, I’ll save one of those messages.”

“That’ll work.” Chris started to straighten, but stopped and bent down again when Dan said his name.

“Chris, you’re okay, right? And you’re going to look out for Ryan? I know he’s not someone you usually have to worry about, but… he deserves to be taken care of a little. You’re going to do that?”

Chris nodded. “I am,” he said seriously. “Absolutely.”

“Okay, then. Merry Christmas. I’ll see you on Friday. Sometime in the evening, I think…”

Chris shook his head and stepped away from the car, then took Ryan’s hand as they walked into the airport together.

Dan watched them until they disappeared into the crowd. They seemed fine. Chris was being weird, but that wasn’t too unusual, really. They’d be okay. Everything would be okay. Dan forced his body to relax, just as he would if he were riding a skittish horse. But just as on a horse, it was easier to control his muscles than it was to control his brain. Everything seemed fine, but that didn’t necessarily mean that it was fine. He’d had unpleasant surprises before, after all.

***

Anna’s car was already parked in the driveway by the time Dan got home, and Robyn was pulling up in front of the house just as Dan did.

“Another Christmas at the grand manor,” she said in greeting. “I thought you guys were moving. Trying to make a home for all three of you, instead of living at Evan’s?”

“We’re still looking,” Dan said defensively. “It’s not easy to find the right place.”

“Not easy to find a place nicer than this, that’s for sure.” She grinned as she pulled a covered dish out of the back of her car. “Tell the truth, Danny. When’s the last time you guys even looked at a house?”

It had been a while. Quite a while. Robyn was right, it was hard to find anywhere better than the Kaminski estate. And somehow the issue of actual home ownership had seemed a bit strange, once RJ had taken over the house the way he had. With baby paraphernalia spread over every square inch, it was hard to think of the place as a Kaminski preserve.

“When’s the last time you were at your apartment?” she persisted. “Are all your clothes over here, now?”

Well, that had just made sense. Evan had hired a team of experts to babyproof the house beyond any reasonable level of safety, and taking RJ from that to Dan’s apartment seemed almost reckless. And where the baby was, Dan was.

“Has Robbie ever spent a single night at the apartment? Or at Jeff’s place?”

“Okay, I get it.” He’d done the one thing he hadn’t wanted to do; he’d let himself become dependent on Evan’s generosity. He was a kept boy. It was scary how easily he’d let himself slip into the role, how horribly his instincts for self-preservation had let him down. Even now, with Robyn pointing things out in what she must have thought was a playful manner, Dan wasn’t really freaking out, even though he knew he should. He’d gotten complacent, somehow. He needed to do something about that. But first, he needed to get inside and see RJ.

He refused to acknowledge Robyn’s smirk as he punched the code into the door panel and let them into the house; he wasn’t going to stand on the steps like an idiot waiting for someone to answer the door, just to prove a point. He led the way to the kitchen, where he knew everyone would be, and flopped down on the floor next to the crawling baby. “Hey, buddy! I was gone for more than two hours! What’d ya do? What’d ya learn?”

“He can play the piano now,” Evan said seriously.

“And ride. No jumping yet, but his flatwork is solid,” Jeff added.

“Aw, damn, RJ.” Dan scooped up the baby and rolled over onto his back, holding RJ in the air above him. “I wanted to teach you to ride. Did Daddy Jeff do a good job?”

“Is that what you’ve decided on?” Anna asked. “’Daddy Jeff’? ’Daddy Dan’ and ’Daddy Evan’ too?”

“Mom, we can’t even figure out what his name is,” Jeff protested. “Robbie, RJ, Robert… I kind of like ’Bob,’ myself.”

“We’re trying out the different dad names,” Evan said more seriously. “We were thinking about all being uncles, but then how do we distinguish between an uncle who’s really a dad and an honorary uncle, like Uncle Chris?”

“And one of you really is his uncle,” Robyn mused. “Maybe different versions of ’dad’. Like daddy, and papa, and father…”

“But who’s going to be ’father’?” Dan asked. “That should be the disciplinarian, right? And we’re kinda screwed in that area.”

“You’re the closest,” Jeff said. “You’re the only one of us who ever says ’no’ to him about anything.”

“Yeah, I say, ’no, you shouldn’t keep eating that lemon, since you so clearly find it way too sour.’ I’m a real hardass.” Then Dan realized that something was missing and looked around the room. “Hey. Where’s Martin?”

Anna snorted in disgust. “He’s putting the ’Christ’ back in ’Christmas’.”

Dan looked cautiously toward Jeff. “What does that mean?”

“Church,” Anna replied. “I said midnight mass was a lovely tradition. I said I’d love to go. He said, no, not just at midnight. He’s found some place that has a whole day’s worth of services set up, today and tomorrow. I said it was too much for me, and he said he’d pray for my soul.”

Well. That was a bit awkward. Everyone had tried to celebrate Anna’s romantic adventure in the same spirit with which she’d accepted her son’s, but… Dan looked around the room. No one really seemed all that upset that Martin hadn’t made it, including Anna. Dan lowered the baby so they were face to face. “What’s that, RJ? You like our Christmas traditions? You think we have just the right amount of Christ in them?”

“We have hardly any,” Jeff said.

“I guess that’s how RJ likes it.” He made a face at the baby and was rewarded with an enthusiastic grin. A grin that seemed just a little different than it had the day before. “Holy shit. I think RJ’s getting a tooth.”

The mad scramble would have been frightening for a less secure baby, and even RJ seemed a little unsure as every adult in the room swooped toward him, peering and poking at his mouth and cooing over the tiny white ridge on his gums.

“He can have a full dinner,” Tat declared. “No more pulverized turkey for Robbie!”

“Might be a bit early for that,” Jeff said cautiously.

“I think he wants to be a vegetarian anyway,” Robyn said. “He loves tofu.”

“He loves pig,” Evan said. “Bacon, ham, pork chops, pork roast… this is a kid who appreciates the whole hog. Just because he snacks on a little tofu between feasts doesn’t mean he wants to give up the finer things in life.”

“Maybe you guys should raise a pig, so he could understand where the meat is coming from,” Robyn responded. “We could see how much he likes eating pig once he’s gotten to know one.” She glanced at Dan and wickedly added, “That is, if you have room at your new home. It’d be fine to raise a pig here, but maybe not somewhere else.” She raised an eyebrow. “I mean, you are still planning to move, aren’t you?”

Damn. Apparently Robyn had come to Christmas Eve dinner with an agenda of some sort. Not that Dan had any idea what her goal was.

Evan looked cautiously at Jeff, then even more carefully at Dan. “I think we’re in a holding pattern on that. We haven’t found anywhere perfect, really.”

Tia bustled in then, her arms full of clothing fresh from the laundry room.

“RJ’s got a tooth,” Dan announced. It was a personal triumph. He’d gotten the kid to this milestone, at least. Maybe he could manage to get him a little further.

“Does he?” Tia sounded pleased, but not surprised. She set the clothes on the counter and pulled open the fridge door. She dragged out a white plastic bin. “Is it just a front tooth? He’ll probably barely notice that. But if he gets fussy, especially when the molars come, I’ve got a few remedies stashed away in here.” She lifted the lid off and started pulling items out for display. “Frozen grapes, inside a feeding bag. Don’t give them to him without the bag—he could choke.” Always a bit of doom to go with every bright spot in a baby’s life, Dan had discovered. Tia continued unabashed. “Frozen washcloth, soaked in chamomile tea. Frozen soother. Baby toothbrush… there’s a room temperature one in his top dresser drawer, in case he doesn’t like the cold. Frozen banana. Orange-juice-and-yogurt popsicles—those were your favorites, Tat.” She looked at her audience. “You’ll just have to try him on different things and see what seems to work.”

“What was my favorite thing?” Evan asked, his tone slightly aggrieved at the lack of personalization.

Tia smiled at him and waved her fingers in his direction. “You just liked to chew on human flesh. We could always tell you were teething because you’d latch on to anything but the breast. You were too angry to nurse, generally.”

“RJ won’t be like that,” Dan said confidently. “He’s much less temperamental than Evan. Much more even-keeled. Sensible. Sane.”

Evan lifted the baby from Dan’s unresisting arms. “You are, aren’t you, Bobby-J? You’re a calm little man. You won’t fuss much at all.”

“If he does, it’ll be because he hurts,” Jeff said supportively. “Can’t blame him if he cries a little. He doesn’t know about pain yet.”

And that shouldn’t have made Dan want to cry. But it was hard to accept that part of his job as a parent was to teach this little person that sometimes the world was going to hurt him. Sometimes his own body would hurt him, and as much as he might want to, Dan wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. He’d offer comfort and cold chewables, but he wouldn’t be able to make the pain go away. Dan wanted to grab the baby back from Evan and curl around him and keep him safe forever. It was the same way he felt before being buzzed through the heavy doors at the women’s prison, taking RJ in to see the mother that might someday tear his family apart. But Dan couldn’t protect RJ from everything, no matter how much he tried. So he plastered a grin onto his face and said, “He’ll be fine.”

“Of course he will,” Tia said with a strange look at Dan and then an adoring smile at the baby. “It’s teething. Everybody does it, and everybody’s fine. We just want to make it as painless as possible.”

“Keep the crying down below a scream,” Anna said. She smiled at Jeff. “We gave you brandy. Rubbed it on your gums. Probably not acceptable these days, but, damn, it shut you up.”

“We’re not giving the child liquor,” Jeff said, his hand wrapping protectively around RJ’s head. Then he squinted at his mother, judging her honesty. “You got me drunk to shut me up?”

“Not drunk,” she scoffed. “It was just a tiny bit. Maybe a teaspoon’s worth.”

“He’s a bit of a lightweight,” Evan interjected. “A teaspoon might have been enough, when he was so tiny.”

“And look how big and strong he’s grown,” Anna said placidly. “I guess I didn’t do anything too wrong.”

God, Dan wanted that. The calm tranquility of knowing that his kid had turned out okay. How many years of gut-churning anxiety was he going to have to suffer through before he could sit back and relax? Of course, that was the best case scenario, the one where he eventually knew he’d done his job. How much more likely was it that he’d end up finding out that he’d screwed up? Done too much or too little of something important, missed some vital clue, misunderstood or glossed over something he needed to see…

He rolled to his feet. “Are we drinking yet?” His voice sounded a little ragged, but everybody else was too busy with the baby to notice, he was pretty sure.

“Red on the counter, white in the fridge, eggnog on the table,” Jeff said. And maybe he hadn’t been quite as preoccupied as Dan had hoped, because he was watching pretty closely as Dan made his way to the cupboard for a glass. He seemed satisfied with Dan’s relatively smooth trip to the eggnog, though, and returned his attention to the baby. “It’s white for you, Bobber. White and creamy. You thirsty?”

Dan sipped his eggnog and watched. There were so many people in RJ’s life, and they were all smart and kind and they cared so much. They’d help, surely. Dan just had to listen to them, and hope they spoke up in time. They had to. They were the only hope.

CHAPTER TWO

“We can’t eat until he sees a star.” Evan tried to make it sound as if he were stating something completely obvious rather than insanely random.

“Evan, he’s nine months old. He’s not going to be much of an astronomer at this age.” Dan was obviously trying to be patient, but Evan wasn’t sure he could count on the effort lasting much longer.

“We can help, I guess.” Surely that was enough of a concession. “But it’s supposed to be the youngest child in the house. That’s his job.”

“Well, it’s about time he had one; he’s been freeloading long enough. But why do we want him to find a star?”

“It’s a reference to the star of Bethlehem. And the youngest child—well, obviously he’s the closest to the Baby Jesus.”

“Did you hear him screaming earlier when I took the knife away from him? I don’t think Baby Jesus wants to be anywhere near this little demon.”

“Well, that’s too bad for Baby Jesus.”

“Nice Christmas spirit.” Dan pulled the mittens onto RJ’s chubby little hands and stood up, the baby squirming inside his snowsuit. “Let’s get him outside before he melts.”

“Where’s everybody else?”

“They’re probably back in the kitchen, wishing you weren’t insane.”

“No, here they come,” Evan said triumphantly. “They’re ready.”

“In theory,” Jeff agreed as he came to stand beside his partners. He was wearing his wool overcoat, the one that made him look distinguished and sexy in an almost British way, and Evan only let himself take one quick, appreciative look before turning away. Any further admiration would lead to urges that were not in keeping with a family-friendly event.

“Okay, let’s go!” He tried to look confident as he led the band out through the front doors and all the way to the lawn in the middle of the big circular driveway. Tia had gone home to her own family but the rest of the group were still there. The air was cool, but not bitterly cold, and it wasn’t completely unpleasant to be out enjoying the evening. The dogs trotted along as if they knew exactly what was happening, and they sat back and looked up at the blue-grey sky with as much interest as their human companions.

Well, with significantly more interest than most of the humans. “Here, I’ll take him,” Evan said when he realized Dan wasn’t even looking at the sky. He lifted the baby up to his shoulders. “Do you see it, Roberto? Is there a star? Where’s that star? Where’s the star?”

The dogs heard his tone and assumed it was meant for them. Two of them immediately started hunting around on the ground, obviously searching for a lost toy, but Lou stared expectantly at Dan, waiting for him to spoil her with whatever it was Evan was talking about. He crouched down and scratched her head. “Stars don’t taste good, sweetie. And they’re all pointy; they’d hurt your mouth.”

“When Bobby gets old enough to understand words, we’re going to have a talk about your butchery of reality,” Evan said sternly. “He can’t be sent off to kindergarten believing the nonsense you come up with.”

“You’re saying stars do taste good?” Dan straightened up, then raised his arm. “There it is. A star. Now get RJ to see it and we can go eat.”

But getting a nine-month-old to look at a distant speck of light was quite a challenge when there were so many faces to peer into, dogs to be amused by, and strands of Evan’s hair to yank and try to chew. Finally, Dan jogged across the lawn toward the star and yelled the baby’s name while jumping up in the air; the baby looked over in the right general direction, and the team declared victory.

Then they all trooped inside for dinner. Evan’s quest for his roots hadn’t extended all the way to the food, so they ate their regular turkey dinner, even though the centerpiece rested on a bed of straw in what Evan insisted was the traditional Polish manner.

“We never did any of this, growing up,” Tat pointed out. “The only thing Polish about us is our last name. You know that, right?”

Evan shook his head in disapproval. “I do know that, and I’ve got to be honest—I felt the lack. A definite hole in my development. Robbie should have family traditions. From all of our families. Dan and Jeff are hopelessly American—nothing interesting about them at all. So, from me… he gets Polish.”

“Even if you have to invent it,” Jeff said with dry affection.

“I didn’t invent any of this! It’s from the internet! We’re going to tell fortunes later, and at some point Tat and Robyn will each pull a straw from the centerpiece and find out how long it will be until they get married…”

“Is there a straw for ’when Hell freezes over?’“ Robyn asked.

“Don’t be silly. Everyone knows marriage is all you gals can think about.” Evan ducked down behind the baby before anything worse than a frown was thrown in his direction. His nose was there anyway, so he took the opportunity for a careful sniff followed by a hearty inhalation. Clean baby smell was intoxicating. It was like Bobby’s cells were purer than a regular person, still uncontaminated by the incidental filth of a busy life, and Evan wanted to savor the scent for as long as it was available. He also, of course, wanted to avoid any more mistakes in which he enthusiastically inhaled the odor of a less-than-clean baby. That had been nasty.

He caught Dan watching him and they shared a conspiratorial grin. It had been nice to learn that Evan wasn’t the only baby-smell junkie in the family. Even Jeff had occasionally been caught taking a whiff, although he always claimed he was just checking to see if a change was needed.

“Are you giving him his bath tonight?” Dan asked quietly.

Evan grinned. “Is that a hint?”

“I can do it. Any of us can do it. But…” Dan raised an eyebrow. “The rest of us can sit around a little longer before we take him upstairs. If you’re doing it, though…” He glanced at his watch. “It’s already pretty late.”

“He likes bath time,” Evan protested. “And I’m helping him to get comfortable in the water! There’s nothing wrong with giving him long baths.”

“Nope, nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all weird with having to put more hot water in the tub three times in order to keep him from getting chilled.”

“That was an exceptional day. We were learning about naval battle strategies. We were re-enacting the Battle of Trafalgar.” Evan was kind of impressed that he was able to come up with the name of a naval battle off the top of his head. “It was educational.”

But Dan didn’t seem convinced. “There were dinosaurs at the Battle of Trafalgar? And giraffes?”

There had been a time when Evan wouldn’t have dared. Dan used to be more sensitive about some things, but he seemed to have let go of a lot of that. So Evan shrugged and said, “You, my friend, did not even finish high school. I, on the other hand, am an almost-graduate of one of the most prestigious universities in the country. If I say there were dinosaurs and giraffes at the Battle of Trafalgar, I don’t think you’re in a position to contradict me.”

“And you’re worried about the crazy shit I’m teaching RJ?”

“There was a giant chicken, too, bigger than any of the ships in the fleet. It sucked water up from the ocean and sprayed the enemy ships from a mysterious hole found beneath its tail feathers. Little known detail of history.”

“Did the giant chicken fight the dinosaurs?”

“It was on the same side as the dinosaurs, Dan! Come on.” Evan lifted the baby up in the air and wiggled him a little. “It kicked the giraffe’s ass, though.”

Jeff stood up then. “I’ll give him his bath,” he said firmly. “I’m not sure either of you can be trusted with such a serious responsibility. Bath time is not a game.”

“That’s true,” Dan said. “Bath time is very serious. Not at all an opportunity for anything weird, like, I don’t know… washcloth squids.”

Jeff froze, and Evan cocked his head. “I’m sorry? Washcloth squids? I think I may need to hear a little more about the squids…”

Jeff grinned guiltily and turned to look at Dan. “How did you know about the washcloth squids?”

“RJ told me.”

“RJ can’t talk all that well, really.”

“RJ can’t talk at all,” Evan interjected. It was strange for him to be the voice of reason in one of these conversations, but apparently someone had to be.

“Then how do I know about the washcloth squids?” Dan’s smile was absolutely serene.

For once, Jeff didn’t have an answer. Instead, his mother said, “I’ll give him his bath, if that’s all right with everyone. We will play a little, but will not get carried away. Then I will put him in his pajamas and bring him down for goodnight kisses.”

“That sounds like an excellent plan,” Evan said, handing the baby to Anna. “When he comes back down we can see whether the Starman brought him any presents yet.”

“The Starman?” Tat sounded disgusted.

“Yes, the Starman. He brings presents to good Polish children…”

“Santa?” Robyn suggested, carefully enunciating each syllable as if she were speaking to a child of dubious intelligence.

“No, he’s different. They have him too. It’s a bit confusing, really, but we’ll get it figured out.”

“Technically, RJ’s even less Polish than you are,” Dan said. “Just for the record.”

Evan didn’t want to hear about that. “I’ll check on the presents,” he said, and Anna took the baby upstairs.

Dan had insisted that the baby not be spoiled with gifts. “If you want to spoil him with love, that’s great. But he doesn’t need a lot of stuff.” It had been one of the many, many times that Evan had realized how deeply in love he was. Because Dan was right. Because Dan was such an excellent father, and working so hard to help the baby grow up as the best person he could be. Evan had loved Dan before the baby came, but now that he’d brought Robbie into their lives, Evan loved him even more. And Jeff felt the same way, and that made Evan love him even more, too. It was a huge damned love-fest, and it would have been perfect except that all Evan really had to offer, all he had that was unique, was stuff. And Dan was wisely forbidding Evan from over-indulging in that area.

“One present from the store,” Dan had said. “If you want to give him more than that, it has to be handmade. Spend your time, not your money.”

Which was great for Jeff; he was an artist, and had illustrated a book for the baby, with pictures of all their friends and family frolicking with various farm animals and one very confused kangaroo. And it was fine for Dan, who said RJ already had way too many toys and didn’t really know where any of them came from, anyway; he’d bought the kid a stuffed horse and been done with it. Dan was RJ’s blood, and he was the one who was legally adopting the baby. His claim was obvious, his connection inarguable. But Evan… Evan didn’t have a clear role, and he liked to give things. He liked to buy them, and give them. A lot.

Dan had been right to put a limit on that, but, damn it, that didn’t mean Evan had to enjoy the restriction. But it was okay. It was fine. Evan had found another way to contribute to the baby’s Christmas experience and forge a connection to the baby, and he would absolutely explore this with the same enthusiasm he would have normally shown for shopping.

He smiled at everyone still sitting around the table. The baby was upstairs having his bath, so technically the traditions Evan shared now wouldn’t impact on him. But the people around the table were going to be part of Bobby’s life, and Evan had to start getting them trained. “Okay, you guys,” he said. “You may not know this, but on Christmas Eve, animals can speak with human voices!”

“You’re crazy,” a strangely-disguised voice said from the far end of the table.

Tat looked at him innocently. “That was one of the dogs, I think.”

“We’d better not go to the barn,” Robyn said. “I don’t want to know what they’re all thinking.”

“Also,” Evan persisted, “the weather today will indicate what the weather will be like for the whole rest of the year!”

“You’re crazy,” a familiar voice said from next to him. It was Dan’s turn to smile. “That was me. Because you’re crazy. And I thought I should let you know.”

“Thank you, Danny. But we’ll see who’s crazy, here, when the animals start speaking.”

“If the animals start speaking to you, you should tell me, and I’ll get you to the hospital right away.”

“No, we’re still not joking about hospitals,” Evan corrected. “Still off limits.”

“Still?”

“You go a year without being in one, and we’ll see about starting to joke. Until then… off limits.”

“Maybe you should give up on the ’talking animals’ then.” Dan looked at Jeff for support. “If we can’t institutionalize him, he should keep it to himself, right?”

“Nah,” Jeff drawled, and he smiled lazily, sexily, the way he never did when his mother was in the room. “He can tell us about it. It’s just one of his quirks.”

“Being insane is not a quirk,” Tat protested, but she seemed to know she was fighting a losing battle. Jeff had spoken, and neither Dan nor Evan were inclined to argue.

“So,” Evan said brightly, looking toward Robyn and Tat, “ready to draw your straws? I’m sure you’re very excited to know about your marriage prospects.”

Tat groaned and Robyn rolled her eyes, but they both leaned in to find straws. Evan had known he could count on them. They’d play along, and soon enough, this would become a familiar ritual. Evan couldn’t give the baby endless gifts, but he could give him traditions, and a sense of belonging. And if Evan was going to do something, he wasn’t going to do it half way.

CHAPTER THREE

Jeff didn’t go right into the room. He just stood in the doorway and peeked inside. The baby monitor was activated and would alert them all if anything was seriously wrong, but Jeff wasn’t checking to be sure the baby was safe. He was just… just watching. It seemed right, on Christmas Eve, to take a moment to celebrate the miracle of a baby, a little boy bringing love and happiness to the world.

Of course, Jeff had spent at least a little time in this doorway practically every night for the last nine months, so the Christmas tie-in was just an excuse. The truth was, he liked to look at the kid. He’d never known there was an emotion this strong, an almost physical need to protect the baby from all threats. There were other people that Jeff would willingly die for, without a second thought. But there was no one else who inspired this ridiculous eagerness for sacrifice. Jeff dreamed about it, visions of throwing himself in front of bullets, pushing the baby out of the way of a speeding car and taking the hit himself, all kinds of ways to die while saving the child, and he woke up feeling happy, as if he’d finally found his reason to be on the planet. He wasn’t quite to the point where he was jealous of the scars Dan had from his own bullet-blocking efforts, but he was fascinated by them, the ropy pink evidence of Dan’s love and courage.

Not that Jeff actually wanted to die. Now more than ever, he wanted to be around for a long, long time. “You’re going to have a good life, little man,” he said quietly. “I’m going to make sure of it.”

He heard a noise at the end of the hallway and looked over to see Robyn standing at the top of the stairs. “He’s okay?”

“He’s fine.” Robyn was a friend, but not someone to share deeper thoughts with. On the few occasions that he had, she’d responded with an almost gleeful disregard for subtlety. For example, he’d mentioned the day before that he was actually feeling fairly at home at the Kaminski place and wouldn’t mind if they stayed there, and her eyes had lit up like he’d given her a diamond necklace.

“Dan’s so stubborn about everything,” she’d explained. “And around the horses, he’s pretty much always right. But if he’s changed his mind about the house…”

“Dan hasn’t. Not that I know of. I’m just talking about myself.”

“But maybe he has,” she’d responded gleefully. “And if that’s the case, he must be forced to recognize it! If he’s changed his mind about one thing, he can change it about something else!”

And so the careful system of not mentioning a new house had been shattered. Dan hadn’t said anything yet, but Jeff had seen his face when Robyn teased about the move. He was listening, and thinking. Stewing, maybe even.

He’d be within his rights to insist on a move. It was what they’d all agreed to, and the same arguments were still as valid as they’d originally been. But this house, where Tat and Evan had grown up… where Dan had come into their lives, and where he’d recuperated after the terrifying moment that he’d almost left their lives… it was the home they’d brought the baby to, the walls that had kept him warm and safe for his first vulnerable months… it was a good house. An excellent house.

Jeff left the baby’s door and headed down the hall to join Robyn.

“We’re just packing up down there,” she explained. “People are saying goodbye. I said I’d come find you.”

“Probably wasn’t too hard to know where to look.”

She smiled. “He’s a great kid. And lucky, to have the three of you.”

“All of us,” Jeff clarified. “You’re great with him.”

“Yeah, all of us,” she agreed easily.

“You’re sure you don’t want to stay and have Christmas morning with us?”

“No, I’m fine. It’s my turn to do morning chores, and it’ll be easier if I just roll out of bed and get them done.” She smiled. “And it’s kind of nice to be in the barn, giving them all their Christmas treats.”

Jeff nodded. Dan had volunteered to look after the horses the previous Christmas, and of course Evan and Jeff and Tat had tagged along. It had been kind of nice. And spending Christmas in a barn seemed pretty damned authentic, when you thought about it.

They arrived in the front foyer as Anna was delivering her goodbye kisses. “I will see all of you soon,” she said, and Jeff squinted. Were her eyes shining more than usual?

“You should stay,” he said quickly. “If Martin doesn’t want to be here, that’s fine, but you’re always welcome. Let him put the Christ in Christmas by himself again tomorrow.”

“No, he’s agreed to spend the day with me,” she said. “He’s… he’s odd, and prone to strange enthusiasms,” and the look she shot toward Evan couldn’t be ignored, “but he has good intentions. It’ll be good to spend some time with him.”

There wasn’t any way to argue with that. Jeff leaned down and gave her a tight hug. “Merry Christmas, Mom.”

“And you’re still going ahead with your little plan?” Evan asked Tat, who was also bundled up and ready to go.

“Don’t patronize me, Evan.” She lifted her chin. “That sort of attitude is what makes it clear that I need to establish some independence. I want to experience Christmas on my own, for once. I want to wake up whenever I want and go for a walk in the city and see what it feels like. There are people in this world who have never been alone on Christmas day!”

“It’s not as much fun as you might think,” Dan said cautiously.

“It’s not about fun, it’s about experience.” Tat nodded wisely. “I need to feel it.”

“You’re all crazy,” Evan said. “But, fine. Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.”

They stood in the doorway and watched their guests leave. “This is our first Christmas with just the three of us,” Dan said.

“And the baby.” Jeff closed the door and turned to look at the other two. “It feels kind of weird, doesn’t it?”

“We need to experience it,” Evan said. His imitation of Tatiana had been honed by years of practice and was now dead on. He started walking back toward the den as he said, “We need to feel it. There are people in this world who have never woken up next to two other men on Christmas morning. Never walked down the hall…”

“Of their huge mansion,” Dan interjected, and Jeff braced himself for the new-house conversation, but Dan didn’t persist.

“Never walked down the hall of their huge mansion,” Evan amended graciously, “to go and rescue their perfect baby from a horrible prison…”

“He’s not going to stop fussing in his crib if you keep reinforcing the attitude,” Dan interjected. “He’s not in prison, he’s in a safe, warm place.”

“A horrible prison,” Evan emphasized, but he seemed to have run out of steam. “Just us,” he said quietly.

“This has been a hell of a year,” Jeff said. “Good and bad.” He walked to the bar and poured three glasses of Wild Turkey, then handed them out. “Let’s remember the good and forget the bad.”

They raised their glasses and sipped their drinks, then walked in unison to the long leather sofa. They’d found various positions and combinations over the years, but this always seemed to be their favorite: Jeff at one end of the sofa, one leg on the cushions the other on the floor, and Evan mirroring his position at the other end, their feet and calves touching in the middle. Dan stretched out between them, his head on Jeff’s chest, his feet nestled under Evan’s ass.

They relaxed in silence for a while, then Dan said, “I couldn’t have done it without you guys. Or… I don’t know. Maybe I could have, but it would have been way, way harder. Too hard. And RJ… I need you for him, too. Want you for him. Whatever. I love you guys, but it’s more than that, now, you know? We’re a team.”

“A family,” Jeff said quietly. “We’re a family.”

Dan nestled in to Jeff’s chest, a sure sign that he approved. And Evan smiled at both of them. “For better or worse,” he said. Then he squirmed a little. “Actually…”

He rose abruptly and crossed the room to the drawers beneath the built-in bookshelves. When he turned around, he was holding three small boxes in his hand, two of which were carefully wrapped in silver and blue paper. “I don’t know how you feel about this,” he said. “I wrapped them like presents, but they’re not… if you don’t want to do it, that’s cool. But… we’re a family. We’re parents, together.” He handed a wrapped box to Dan, then to Jeff. “Just a thought,” he finished, and sank back down onto his end of the sofa.

Jeff wasn’t sure if he wanted to open the box or not, but it was obviously the same as Dan’s, and Dan was opening his, so one way or the other, Jeff was going to see the contents… he ripped the paper and found a jeweler’s box inside. He glanced over at Dan, who was looking at Evan with trepidation.

“Okay, fuck, you guys, you don’t have to!” Evan’s smile was forced. “If you can’t even open the boxes…”

There were two quiet clicks almost in unison as both Dan and Jeff pushed the lids up.

The rings were simple, but beautiful. A thick rounded band, almost certainly platinum, with three diamonds arranged in a triangle and set deep into the metal. The effect was a strange mix of delicacy and strength.

“We’re a family,” Evan said. He sounded like was prepared to be interrupted, but neither Jeff nor Dan spoke. “We can’t get married, but I am more committed to you two, and to our family, than to anything else I’ve ever done. Maybe it’s stupid to need some sort of external validation—rings or not, I’ll feel the same way. But… I’d like it if we wore rings.” He leaned back against the cushions and anxiously waited.

Dan turned his head toward Jeff. “You didn’t know about this?”

“No,” Jeff said. He wished he had; this seemed like something that should be discussed. There were larger issues, especially now that they had a baby to take care of.

But for once, Dan didn’t seem to be asking too many questions. “I like it,” he said firmly, and pulled the ring out of its box.

“It’s a beautiful idea, Evan.” Jeff needed to be careful with this. “And if it was just us, I’d be all for it. I’d be jealous of whoever designed these for you, because he or she has a great eye—they’re gorgeous. And I’d wear it with pride and love. Absolutely.”

“But…” Evan prompted. Jeff had a feeling that his concerns weren’t a total surprise to Evan, but Dan was squinting at him as if waiting for further explanation.

“But we currently have plausible deniability,” Jeff said reluctantly. “We have no idea how things are going to play out in Robert’s lifetime. Sometimes it seems like things are getting more open, and sometimes it seems like the country’s getting even more close-minded. It’s not impossible that at some point, it’ll be best for Robbie if we play down our relationship.” He saw Dan’s expression and hastened to add, “In public! The three of us, here, in this safe little bubble… this is forever. I believe that. But we may want to have a different public face for the family. Two gay parents is already a lot for some people to accept; three gay parents would be even worse.”

“And that’s why your book shows me and Dan with the baby, and you standing in the background like a benevolent uncle,” Evan said, his tone almost accusing. “That’s why you always make sure that we take some photos of just me and Dan and Robbie for every occasion, so that we can discard or hide the ones with all of us, if we have to.”

“For Robbie,” Jeff said. He knew that would be the way to take the hurt out of Dan’s face. “If it was just me, just us… I would never even think about hiding it. And I’m not saying we should, the way things are now. But if we walk around with rings on, advertising to the world that we consider ourselves married, there are people who are going to hate us. And the three of us can handle that. But I don’t know if it’s fair to ask a little boy to face it. When it comes down to it, the rings don’t matter, not compared to how Robbie matters.”

Dan was clearly torn, as Jeff had known he would be. He’d been planning to have this conversation at some point, but not on Christmas Eve. He’d been careful, as Evan had noticed, to create a backup version of the baby’s childhood, a family that was a little untraditional but not completely beyond the understanding of most people. He’d hoped he’d be able to get away with that for a little longer, just to give the family a bit more time to find normalcy. They’d already dealt with so much; it would have been better to put this issue off until the new year, at least.

“We need to think about it,” Dan said slowly. He looked at Evan. “I love you. I love the rings, and the idea behind them. But Jeff’s right. We need to think about RJ. We need to do what’s best for him.”

Evan smiled. “Yeah. Okay.” He reached his hand out as if planning to retrieve the boxes, but Dan jerked his gift away.

“Hey! I said we should think about it. I didn’t say a damn thing about giving the ring back, not yet!” He looked down at it fondly, then over at Jeff. “It’s so shiny,” he whispered. Then he looked back at Evan. “Is it tough? Would it get all scratched up at the barn?”

“It’s platinum,” Evan responded. “Tougher than gold. I thought about getting titanium, but it’s almost too tough. It can be hard to cut off your hand if you get injured. So I figured I’d rather have you wearing a ring that we might have to get re-polished than have you wearing a ring that might mean your finger got amputated.”

“Good choice,” Dan said seriously. He looked down at his unadorned hand, then back at Evan. “I’m keeping it. Even if we can’t wear them, I want it. Okay?”

“Absolutely,” Evan agreed with a fond smile. He looked down the couch at Jeff and raised his eyebrows in a clear challenge. “And you?”

“Keeping it,” Jeff said firmly. “I love it, Evan. I love you. You know that.”

Evan nodded sadly. “Yeah. I do.” He took a sip of his drink and looked down at the unopened box in his own lap.

“There’s always the option of—” Jeff started, but Dan turned to face him with a fierce expression, and Jeff abandoned the sentence. “What?” he asked in confusion.

“If you’re about to say that Evan and I can wear the rings and you won’t, I don’t want to hear it,” Dan said firmly. “Ever. It’s not an option.”

For someone who hadn’t noticed Jeff’s tricks with the pictorial evidence, Dan was catching on fast. “Well, it could be—”

“No.” This time it was Evan who interrupted. “Not going to happen. No. There’s a reason there’s three diamonds, asshole.”

“Well, the third diamond could be for the baby.”

“We’re not married to the baby,” Dan replied calmly. “We love him, but he’s not part of the rings. The rings are about the three of us. Together.”

Jeff nodded. He was gratified, he supposed. It was nice to hear the level of commitment from the other two, reassuring that they hadn’t accepted his ideas immediately. But Jeff hadn’t given up yet. There was a baby to consider, and it wasn’t fair to expect him to suffer because of the choices of his fathers.

No, this conversation wasn’t over. But Jeff settled back into the sofa and took a sip of his drink and let himself appreciate the moment. The conversation wasn’t over, but it was Christmas Eve. A time for family. The arguments could wait; it wasn’t like the problems were likely to go away too quickly.

CHAPTER FOUR

“Shhh,” Chris hissed, and tried not to giggle. Possibly they shouldn’t have stopped off at the bar on the way from the airport. Or, more possibly, it had been a brilliant idea. If he was paying for a cab ride way out to the country anyway, why not take full advantage of a designated driver?

But now he and Ryan were both a little drunk, and neither one of them was all that sneaky to begin with. Ryan ran into something, grunted in pain, and a light turned on in the hallway.

Chris turned around with a guilty smile, hoping that he’d woken up a forgiving person. No luck, though. It was Danny.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” So far, he sounded more confused than annoyed. “You’re supposed to be in Kentucky.” He turned to Ryan. “Did he fuck it up? We can kick him out and change the codes on the doors if he did something to fuck it up.”

“Shhhh,” Ryan said, “We’re being quiet!”

“Good job,” Dan agreed caustically.

“Why didn’t you pick me up at the airport?” Chris retorted. “You were supposed to be my airport ride. I knew you’d forget!”

“Friday at four fifteen, asshole. This is not Friday.”

“Damn, Danny, you’ve had too many concussions. Have you been losing days again?”

“Also, you don’t live here. Why would you come home five days early and break into Evan’s house? What the hell did you do?”

“Can’t blame him for the weather,” Ryan said. He draped an arm protectively over Chris’s shoulder. Or possibly he was just looking for a little help staying upright.

“Weather? There was weather in Kentucky bad enough to keep you from flying in?” Dan squinted suspiciously. “Bullshit.”

“Connecting flight in Detroit. Have you not been watching the news?”

“It’s Christmas Eve. Why would we watch the news on Christmas Eve?”

“To find out if there was anything happening that might affect your dear friends who were travelling half-way across the country in wintery weather, maybe?”

“Honestly never occurred to me.” Dan stepped a little closer. “You couldn’t get a different flight?” He didn’t seem too concerned about the noise they were making, and that made sense, really. Jeff and Evan both slept like they were comatose, and the baby’s room was at the far end of the hall; in a house as big as this one, that was a pretty good buffer.

But Chris still kept his voice low as he said, “The storm’s screwed up most of the northern half of the continent. Everything’s shut down, and the flights through the south are way over-booked.”

“The northern half of the continent is Canada. Do you mean the northern half of the country?”

“Canada doesn’t count.” Chris was tired, but strangely happy. He was back where he belonged. He smiled at Dan and said, “We didn’t have any festive food at either of our houses. Not a lot of food at all, and the stores will be closed tomorrow. Also, neither one of us has a fireplace, and I was really looking forward to opening presents in front of a roaring fire. So we came here.”

“Do you have any presents to open in front of the fire, or to give to others? Anything at all to contribute?” Dan crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried to look stern.

“Come on, Danny. You’re not going to pull the ’no room at the inn’ trick on Christmas Eve. You’ll make Baby Jesus cry.”

“It’s four in the morning. Christmas Eve is over, and Baby Jesus would absolutely understand that guests should arrive at a civilized hour. And I think he expected visitors to come bearing gifts. Got any frankincense on you?”

“You said Evan was leaving an empty chair at the table for unexpected guests,” Ryan said.

“Evan’s insane,” Dan said. Then he flashed his quick, beautiful smile. “You guys might regret this whole visit when he gets through with you.” He stepped aside and waved an arm down the hall in the direction of the room they normally crashed in. “Welcome home. Sorry you didn’t make it to Kentucky.”

“Just as well, really,” Chris decided. “We gave Grandpa Travis a few more months of blissful ignorance.”

They made their way down the hall to their familiar bedroom and shut the door firmly behind them. A few moments to get settled in and then Chris said, “I meant it, you know.”

“I meant it, too.” They’d only turned on one light, but Ryan’s smile was bright. “I’d been thinking about it. I wasn’t planning on announcing it at a big family function or anything, but… I’d been thinking.”

“We can announce it here, instead,” Chris said. It was better. Much better. He loved his Kentucky family, but he loved his California people too, and he was more comfortable here. Kentucky was about who he’d been as a boy, and then a young man, full of enthusiasm and insecurity and uncertainty. California was about who he was as an adult, confident and independent. California was where he made all his own decisions, including deciding who to love and who to marry.

“Not that it’s legal either place,” Ryan sighed. He’d already taken his shoes off and now he flopped dramatically back onto the bed, the comforter rising around him like he’d fallen into a bank of powdery snow.

“It’ll be legal here a hell of a lot sooner than it will be in Kentucky. And if we don’t feel like a long engagement, we can take a trip somewhere. Up to Canada, maybe.”

“I thought Canada doesn’t count.”

“Shut up,” Chris said, and he fell forward, catching himself with his hands and knees on either side of Ryan’s body. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Their bodies were loose with alcohol and exhaustion and love and they melted into each other without much purpose or ambition. They shed their clothes as a way to get closer to each other, not as a prelude to anything else. After a deep, languorous kiss, Ryan pushed back into the pillow, far enough away from Chris’s face that they could focus on each other’s eyes. “But I want to wait. I’m a California boy, and I want to get married in California. I don’t want to compromise or play the system.” Ryan was easygoing about most things, but every now and then he’d dig in his heels, and Chris could tell this was one of those times. It made him smile.

“For a second there, I thought you meant you wanted to wait to have sex until after we were married. I would have had a problem with that. But…” he nodded seriously. “Yeah. Okay. We’ll wait until we can do it here.”

“But we’re engaged, dude. We are fianc�s. We should probably have a party.”

“We should set up a gift registry is what we should do. I want some loot.”

“We should get towels.”

“We should move in together.” Chris waited until he saw that Ryan wasn’t rejecting the idea completely. “Who knows how long it will be before we can actually get married? If we’re just waiting on a technicality for that… we should move in together. Definitely.”

“Your place or mine?”

“Maybe neither? I think Danny’s real estate agent has about given up on finding the three of them a place they’ll all like, but maybe she could find something for us.”

“Yeah,” Ryan said. “We should do that. Absolutely.”

“Yeah?” It seemed stupid that Chris had been so nervous about all this. It was Ryan, after all… he made everything better, made everything easy and relaxed and perfect.

“You bet. I’m touring again in February and March, so we can try to find something before that and then you can take care of all the moving bullshit while I’m away.” Ryan grinned and shifted a little. “Now, get off me. We’ve got about four hours to get some sleep before the Kaminski Christmas madness begins.”

Chris shifted obediently to the side. “This is the beginning of it, huh? They say that once you get married, your sex life goes to hell…”

Ryan moved fast for someone as tired and tipsy as he was. Chris didn’t know how it happened, but suddenly Ryan was astride him, pinning his arms to the bed and staring down with an almost feral expression replacing his usual grin. “Our sex life isn’t going anywhere,” he growled.

Then, just as suddenly as he’d started, he stopped. “But right now, I’m going to sleep. Goodnight. I love you.” He rolled over and managed to burrow himself in under the covers, leaving room for Chris to spoon in behind him.

“I love you too,” Chris whispered in his ear. “See you in the morning.” And he let himself drift away, safe and secure with the man he was going to marry.

CHAPTER FIVE

“That’s Uncle Justin,” Dan said. He let RJ reach down and touch the glossy page of the small photo album, but gently pulled his hand away when it became clear he was trying to bring the plastic to his mouth for a nibble. “You haven’t met him; it’s too bad, because he really would have liked you. He liked kids a lot, and he really liked excellent little kids like you. And, look, it’s Christmas time in the picture! See the tree, there? A Christmas tree.”

Dan let RJ help turn the page. His technique was a little rough, but he was figuring it out. “This is your Grandma and Grandpa Kaminski. See those people? That’s Evan and Aunt Tat, when they were little. And, look, it’s Christmas time in this picture, too. Those are stockings by the chimney… and, look! It’s the exact same chimney we have. That picture was taken in this room. And if we ever get this show on the road, we’ll be opening our stockings here just like they did.”

“I remember that Christmas,” Evan said softly. He’d been hanging over the back of Dan’s armchair, but now he moved around to the front and pulled up an ottoman to sit on. He smiled at Dan, then spoke to the baby. “We had snow that year. You haven’t seen snow, yet… I think you’ll like it. But we don’t usually get much here. So we didn’t have any snow toys or anything, so we slid down the hill on big garbage bags.” The baby was watching him closely, and Evan gently lifted him out of Dan’s arms and carried him to the French doors overlooking the deck. “That hill, right there. It’s green now, but it was white then. And my daddy… my dad… he carried me up to the top on his shoulders and we sat on the same garbage bag, me between his legs, and we slid down the hill. Whoosh!” He swooped RJ through the air, giving him a tiny taste of the exhilaration of the moment. “And then I made him carry me to the top and we did it again, and again, until we’d torn up a whole box of garbage bags… very bad for the environment, Mister Robert; you won’t do anything like that, right?”

Dan turned the page of the album and found another picture, this one taken only a couple years earlier, with himself and Tat in the kitchen, both wearing Santa hats as they grilled pancakes and bacon. It had been the year Tat had come home with a crate full of fresh mangos bought for some ridiculously low price because they were almost over-ripe and the store had been planning to close for several days over Christmas. She’d been unable to resist the bargain, and then Dan had been unable to stand letting the fruit go to waste, so they’d eaten mango in everything. The picture showed the blender behind them, dripping with the mango puree that had gone into the pancakes, been used for smoothies, put in the stuffing; Robyn had ended up smearing some on her face, saying it was good for dry skin, and a whole new craze had begun. It had been a fun Christmas, but Dan hadn’t been able to eat mango again for over a year.

He turned the page again and saw the whole gang gathered around the big table in the country kitchen, each person holding carving knives poised over a turkey. It had been the year of the turkey cook off. Dan had won “best overall”, even though he hadn’t taken first place in a single category…

“This is a good house,” he said, and Evan turned around to look at him. “It shouldn’t be empty. I mean, you couldn’t sell the property, because of the barn, and because…” because it was the place Tat and Evan had grown up, the place they’d been with their parents, and Dan remembered how hard it had been to leave the farm in Kentucky, even after Justin was no longer there with him. “Well, you shouldn’t sell it. But Tat wants to live in the city. This is a good family home. A good place to raise a baby. Right?”

Evan nodded cautiously. “I think so.”

“And Jeff likes it, too, doesn’t he? He said he loved the light up on the hill; maybe he could build a studio up there, with lots of windows. Then he’d have his own space, if he needed it.”

Another cautious nod. “That might work.”

Dan shrugged. “We should talk to him about it. Maybe we don’t need to move.”

“Okay.” Evan grinned. “I’d like that. I like it here.”

“Yeah, I know. And I like it too.” Maybe it was one more sign of Dan’s growing dependence, but right then, he didn’t care. He was dependent. Not on Evan’s real estate, but on Evan himself. And Jeff, and the strange, wonderful partnership they’d found for themselves. If something went wrong between them, Dan would be out on the street, no home for himself or RJ, but that wasn’t the part that would be most frightening. Losing the practical benefits of being with Evan would be nothing compared to losing the man himself. “I really like those rings,” Dan said.

Evan’s smile was sweet. “Jeff’s not wrong, though… they might make things more obvious than we should. It might not be great for the baby.”

“Jeff’s hardly ever wrong,” Dan agreed. He was pretty sure he had more to say on the topic, but Evan’s phone rang.

“Merry Christmas, Brat,” Evan said. Then he listened, and frowned. “Tat, settle down, I can’t understand what you’re saying. Tat, are you okay?”

***

“I was stupid,” Tat wailed.

Evan wasn’t really alarmed, not yet. “Well, yeah, I expect you were. You want to give me some details, though?”

“Being alone on Christmas sucks!” She wasn’t actually crying, Evan was pretty sure; she was just playing up the drama in true Tatiana fashion. “Everybody else is tucked away in their cosy little families and I’m stuck out here all by myself! I should have set something up… I could have volunteered at a soup kitchen or something, but I didn’t, and I’m all alone, and it sucks!”

“Tat, I sincerely hope that every problem in your life is as easily solvable as this one.”

“What?” She was already calming down, but there was still a bit of a quaver in her voice.

“Is your car broken? Is the highway shut down? You’re forty-five minutes away from home, you lunatic—you’ll be here before Chris and Ryan finish breakfast.”

“Chris and Ryan? I thought they were in Kentucky?”

“Apparently not. They got snowed in, or something. They’re here; I don’t know if they’re awake yet or not, but they’re here.”

“No!” Tat sounded outraged. “We all agreed!” She paused. “Damn, maybe they weren’t in on it. Because we thought they were going to be out of town anyway…”

“Agreed on what, Tat?” Evan tried to stay patient.

“To give you guys a Christmas with just you. Just the three of you and the baby. We all invite ourselves into your lives all the time, and you never get to have your own time with just each other. We agreed that we should give you a chance to start your own traditions, as a family.”

“Hang on a second, Tat. I’m putting you on speaker phone.”

“You’re what?” she said, and her voice was broadcast through the room.

“Merry Christmas, Tat,” Dan said.

“Merry Christmas, Dan. Is Robbie there? Merry Christmas, Robbie.”

“He’s looking around for you,” Evan reported. Then he turned to Dan. “My sister just told me that there was a plan for everyone to find their own things to do this Christmas and leave us on our own. Deliberately. Because they thought we would like it. Were you aware of this?”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “No.”

“Do you approve of it?”

“No.”

“Do you think Tat should get herself put together and get her ass out here?”

“Yes.” Dan frowned. “And who else was in on your plan, Tat?”

“Anna and Robyn,” Tat said reluctantly. “It should have been Chris and Ryan too, obviously, but we didn’t think of them.”

“They are pretty stupid,” Dan said. “They might have gone along with it.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to insult people on Christmas Day, Danny.” Tat sounded like she was getting back to her usual form.

“Get your butt out here and give me some etiquette lessons, then.”

“I’m on my way,” she said gleefully, and then hung up.

“Your sister’s mental,” Dan said calmly.

Evan couldn’t really argue, but he could deflect. “So’s Robyn, and so’s Jeff’s mom.”

And now it was Dan’s turn to not argue. “You can watch RJ, right? Why don’t you go get Jeff to call Anna, and I’ll get Chris and Ryan to come down to the barn with me. We can help Robyn with the chores and bring her back up with us.”

“At some point you’re going to have to spend some time in the kitchen, figuring out how to make Christmas dinner feed twice as many people as we planned on.”

“Evan, it’s a Tia-planned meal. Twice as many people as planned is still going to be a drop in the bucket. Lots of food.”

“Good point. Okay. Go!” Evan hadn’t been sad before the phone call, but he’d been a little deflated. Thinking about his parents, and all the Christmases they’d never have with their family, the new grandson they’d never meet: it made the day bittersweet. But now Tat was coming, and Anna and Robyn, and Jeff would be out of the shower soon and Chris and Ryan… everything was looking up. It was starting to feel like Christmas after all.

***

Jeff ran his hand over his face and then slathered on the shaving foam. It seemed like there was more salt in his salt-and-pepper beard every day, and it was nice to cover it all under a uniform stretch of white.

Damn. He hadn’t been thinking like that for quite a while. He’d been feeling young, parenting a healthy and rambunctious near-toddler, having no trouble keeping up with his younger lovers, painting with an enthusiasm he hadn’t felt in years… and now, back to feeling old.

It was the rings, he knew.

Well, not the rings themselves. It was what they’d made him realize. He’d been playing a game up until then, setting up the evidence of a different story for the baby but not really recognizing the implications of it all. It had been an intellectual challenge, preparing for something that he didn’t think would ever really happen. But the rings were real, and they weren’t in some hypothetical future, they were right then, right there.

Jeff would give up his life for the baby. For Evan, Dan, or Tat. So this sacrifice shouldn’t have been that serious. And it wasn’t, of course. He’d get over it. He’d appreciate what he had, and not dwell on what he didn’t.

There was a cursory knock on the half-opened bathroom door and then Evan poked his head inside, the baby snuggled in to his hip. “Your mom and the girls cooked up some weird scheme where they’d spend Christmas elsewhere in order to give us privacy. Tat spilled the beans and she’s on her way over; Dan and Chris and Ryan are going down to scoop up Robyn from the barn. You want to call your mom?”

“Chris and Ryan?”

“They got snowed in. They don’t seem too upset about it.”

“Okay.” A lot of information all at once, and a conversation should probably be had at some point, but for the time being, “Okay. I’ll call Mom.” He wiggled his fingers at Robbie, who was, as always, fascinated by a familiar voice coming from a face covered in shaving cream. “Hey, buddy. Merry Christmas.”

Robbie looked uncertain, but finally broke into a wide, gummy grin. Jeff felt a wave of love so intense it almost made him dizzy. Yeah, he’d sacrifice anything for this kid. Giving up some formal recognition of his relationship? Not even a problem. Not if it would make it easier for Robbie to get the life that he deserved.

CHAPTER SIX

Chris leaned back on the sofa with one hand wrapped around a glass of eggnog, the other entwined with Ryan’s. They’d been unwrapping presents for a while now, and there was only one left. As with so many others, it was for RJ.

They’d started off by encouraging the baby to open the presents himself, but after he’d spent almost half an hour playing with a stray piece of tape he’d found, Dan had interceded. Now he was sitting cross-legged on the floor, RJ in his lap, as they pulled a brightly colored piece of fabric out of a gift bag.

“A quilt!” Dan said with the enthusiastic voice he only used with the baby. “Isn’t it nice, RJ?” Dan squinted at the squares of brightly colored fabric. “Hey…” he said softly.

He looked up at Evan then back down at the quilt. “Look at these pictures, buddy. You know these guys, right? Look, there’s Ginger! Uncle Chris’s horsie. And there’s Monty—look at his ribbons! He’s going to get a lot more this year.” Chris braced himself, but Dan didn’t bring up Rolex. Everyone knew Dan wanted to go; he wanted Monty to become the champion he was meant to be. And everyone knew Evan was resisting, too aware of the dangers of the sport, especially at that level. But they both let it go in the name of Christmas peace. Dan pointed at the quilt. “And, look, who’s this little guy? Is that Smokey?”

“It’s the barn colors, too,” Robyn said, scooting off her seat on the couch to sit on the floor next to the quilt. “Evan, there’s no way you made this.”

That was a good point. Evan had already given the baby an iPad loaded with educational apps, which meant he was supposed to be limited to home-made gifts…

“I didn’t screen the images onto the fabric,” Evan said quickly. “Obviously. But I took the pictures, and I sewed the squares together. Then I got some help with the quilting part.”

Chris wasn’t sure whether to believe it or not. “Since when do you sew?”

“Since Dan made up a crazy rule about only one store-bought gift.”

“Damn, Evan.” Dan sounded like he was getting a little choked up. Jeff had made his picture book, Anna had crocheted a sweater set, Tat and Robyn had crafted a mobile out of origami swans… the gang was showing their love, and Danny was always a bit fragile about that sort of thing. Luckily he had a tried and tested strategy for distracting himself when he was feeling too emotional. Dan turned to Chris and said, “What’d you make him?”

“I bought him a single present. Your rule isn’t that everyone has to make a gift.”

“And where is that single present?” Dan raised an eyebrow.

Well, that was awkward. “It’s at home. I was going to bring it over after our trip…”

“Uncle Chris didn’t bring you a present, RJ. That one, right there. With the dark hair. He’s the one who didn’t bring you a gift. Your first Christmas, but he didn’t bring you anything.”

“Ryan didn’t bring anything either,” Chris said.

“Thanks, dude. Way to throw me under the bus.” Ryan smiled at Dan. “Maybe we could stuff some cash in an envelope.”

“Cash is just for weddings,” Dan replied primly. He was clearly feeling better, now. Much more in control.

Which meant it was time to throw him off his game again. “Speaking of weddings,” Chris said, and looked at Ryan for permission.

Ryan’s smile was almost shy, and Chris squeezed his hand. “We’re going to have one. Eventually. When it gets legal in California, Ryan and I are getting married. We’re engaged.”

The silence lasted a little too long. They’d been dating for quite a while, and, sure, Ryan was the only guy Chris had ever been with, but he’d been with plenty of women. Enough to know that he felt something unique, and powerful and special. Why wasn’t anyone saying anything?

“Congratulations,” Tat finally managed. “Oh my god! Congratulations! This is so excellent!”

Robyn rolled easily to her feet and leaned over for cheek kisses. “That’s wonderful. I hope you don’t have to wait too long.”

“It really is wonderful,” Anna said sincerely. “Congratulations.”

But there was something else going on. Dan was staring at Chris, and he looked strangely fierce, way too intense for simple surprise. Jeff and Evan both said the right things, but they were keeping an eye on Dan, too, obviously aware that he was reacting strangely.

“Danny?” Chris finally said. “You okay down there? Got anything to say?”

Everyone was quiet for a moment, then Dan nodded slowly. “Congratulations,” he said. He sounded sincere, but it was clear that he had more on his mind. Chris leaned back into the cushions of the couch and braced himself for whatever was about to come.

***

“Really,” Dan said. He knew he wasn’t giving Chris the reaction he’d expected, and he felt bad about that. He needed to pull it together. “Congratulations. I’m really happy for both of you.”

“But…” Chris prompted, his face still and ready for anything.

“But nothing,” Dan said firmly. He kissed RJ on the top of his head as if he were sending him off to war, then nodded in Chris’s direction and smiled at Ryan. “But nothing,” he repeated, “Nothing to do with you. Absolutely. It’s just…” He turned toward Jeff and said, “I want us to wear the rings.”

Nobody said anything. Damn. It wasn’t the right time for this, especially not if it was going to end up in a fight. Dan shook his head, trying to clear it out. When Chris had made his announcement, it was like a bright light had illuminated Dan’s thoughts, and everything had been suddenly clear. Now the light was dimming, and the ideas that had seemed so important were fading like a dream upon waking. It wasn’t fair to Chris and Ryan for Dan to be stealing their thunder, but he wanted to get the ideas out of his head before they faded entirely.

“Because it is great,” he tried. “It’s great that Chris and Ryan are happy, but it’s bigger than that. I mean, it’s great that they’re pretty sure they’re going to be able to get married, here in California, pretty soon. Not that long ago we wouldn’t have thought that was possible, and now, it’s legal quite a few places, and the tide has absolutely turned. Right?” He forced himself to take a quick look at Chris and Ryan, and they seemed more bemused than angry, so he let himself continue.

“And it changed because people stopped hiding. They stopped acting as if they had something to be ashamed of. They stopped worrying what other people would think, and they just loved who they loved.”

He was probably making a fool of himself, but that was nothing new, not with this crowd. They’d forgive him for it. He turned to Evan. “You know what tradition I’d really like you to pass on to RJ? I’d like you to teach him to be as fearless as you are. I’d like you to teach him to assume that the world is going to treat him fairly, and I’d like him to learn to be shocked and outraged when it doesn’t happen. I don’t care about the damn Starman or whatever—you can teach him all that too, if you want. But the real tradition, the thing that makes me want to raise him in this house instead of somewhere else? Is love. I want RJ to take love for granted, the way you and Tat do.”

And since no one had stopped him yet, he turned to Jeff. “And we need you to teach him to be wise and careful, when to fight and when to walk away. Absolutely, he needs that.” He shook his head again, trying to shake some of the details of his epiphany out of the shadows. “You weren’t wrong about the rings. But you weren’t right, either. When you said the rings don’t matter, compared to RJ? I don’t think that was right. Because the rings are us… not the three of us, as separate people; the three of us together, the way we’re going to raise RJ. And you guys… you maybe don’t know so well, but trust me… parents matter. Parents are important, and being parents is our biggest, hardest job, and wearing rings to remind us that we love each other and are committed to each other and are raising RJ together… that matters.”

There had been better words in his head. He wasn’t doing this right. He’d thought he had something to say, but now he was just babbling. What was the core of it? What was the big idea, the one thing that he needed to say? “I love you. Both of you. I’m not ashamed of you, and I don’t want to start acting like I am. Not just for me, but for RJ too. ’Cause he needs to know his parents love each other, and he needs to know that we’ll stand up for ourselves, just like we’ll stand up for him if we ever have to.”

“And just like he should stand up for himself,” Evan said firmly. He smiled at Dan, then looked over at Jeff. “I’m sold, man. But it was my idea to start with.”

Jeff didn’t say anything. He just stood up, and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his ring, and he nodded. “Absolutely,” he finally said, and his voice was a little tight. He cleared his throat. “Yes,” he said more firmly. “You’re right. Thank you.”

Dan scrambled to his feet, leaving RJ playing with his quilt on the floor, and by the time he was standing, Evan was upright as well. They shared a sheepish grin as they reached into their own pockets and pulled out their own shining bands. Apparently they’d all been thinking about them.

Should there be words? Probably, but Dan had used all of his up. He looked at the ring, then at the men he loved.

“I promise to love you both, with all my heart,” Evan said, and he slipped the ring onto his finger.

“I promise to fight for you both,” Jeff said, then added, “And to fight for us, as well.” He stared at his hands as he slid the ring into place.

Dan had no idea what to say. “I promise to do my best. I promise to never stop trying.” he wasn’t sure if he was talking to Jeff and Evan, or to RJ. Hell, maybe he was partly talking to himself. And always, of course, talking partly to Justin.

The ring felt strange on his finger, new and unusual. But right.

“You’re a complete attention whore, Danny,” Chris said from the couch. “Ryan and I get engaged, and you just have to upstage us, huh?” But he was smiling as he stood, and Ryan was beside him, Robyn and Tat and Anna too, and Dan stooped to pick up the baby just before they were all enveloped in a warm hug of congratulations and shared happiness.

Chris took the baby from Dan and smiled into his confused little face. “What do you think? Do you, Robert Justin Wheeler, take these lunatics to be your daddies? Do you? Do you?”

“Da!” RJ said enthusiastically. “Da, Da!”

“Don’t get all worked up, Evan,” Dan said quickly. “The books say he’ll just use nonsense syllables, and Da is an easy one to start with. He’s not really saying ’dad.’“

Evan shook his head in wonder. “I’m not impressed because he said ’dad,’“ he clarified. “I’m impressed because he speaks Russian! He was saying ’yes’! I’ve been teaching this kid the wrong traditions… no more Polish! Next year, we’ll have a Russian Christmas!”

Dan had a little something to say about that, but his phone rang and he glanced at the caller ID, then answered it. “Hey, Taylor. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Dan.”

“You having a good day?” It was hard to make casual conversation with all the emotions burbling through Dan’s chest, but he tried.

“Not really. It’s a long story, but… remember when you invited me and Owen for Christmas? Any chance that invitation is still open?”

Dan looked around at his makeshift family, and smiled. “Absolutely, dude. The more the merrier.”

“We’ll be there in about an hour,” Taylor said, and that was it.

“Two more for dinner,” Dan told the gang.

“Taylor?” Evan’s grin was absolutely smug. “You’re going to show him the ring, right? You’re going to make it crystal clear…”

“That you’re absolutely insane,” Dan agreed. “But Evan, he doesn’t need a ring to get the message. It’s been clear to anyone with eyes for quite a while now.”

“Yes, it has,” Anna said, but Dan knew that she, like himself, had reverted back to Evan’s original intentions. It had been crystal clear to anyone with eyes that Dan, Evan and Jeff were together for the long-term.

Dan looked down at his ring, and smiled. “Shiny,” he whispered to RJ, and the baby chortled in happy agreement.

Table of Contents

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX