EVERNIGHT PUBLISHING ®

www.evernightpublishing.com

Copyright© 2016 Angelique Voisen

ISBN: 978-1-77233-921-5

Cover Artist: Jay Aheer

Editor: Carlene Flores

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal.  No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

DEDICATION

To my readers, I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

NEVER LET ME GO

Romance on the Go ®

Angelique Voisen

Copyright © 2016

Prologue

Ten Years Ago

The storm raged outside, but Neil and Rob didn’t fear the howling winds nor the rustling branches of the ancient oak outside their window. The real monsters didn’t lurk outside, they came from within. They’d learned that lesson early.

“Do you hear them?” Rob asked, breaking the silence.

Rob took the top bunk. Known for being addicted to heights, he loved climbing to high places. Some of his early pursuits had nearly given Neil heart attacks. Whenever Neil told Rob one thing, he would do the exact opposite. There had always been a kind of wildness about him too, a quality that made him hard to tame but easy to love.

Voices rose and fell outside as Neil listened. They were quiet at first, but then the fight escalated to an unbearable pitch, loud enough to drown the lashing rain hammering on the rooftops.

“How long are we going to put up with this shit?” Neil demanded.

“Leave, if you hate it so much.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Neil was sure Rob knew the reason why. Nothing could move Neil, with the exception of a natural disaster or a freak accident. He cared too much. That was his curse, then and now.

They were both technically adults. At eighteen and nineteen, they refused to move out of the home they’d grown up in. St. Luke’s College might be forty minutes’ drive, an hour if traffic prevailed, but they stayed for her—Rob’s mother, Clarissa to Neil. Neil called her nothing else. Clarissa accepted no concessions. She’d never taken to him, despite the fact Neil had lived in the same house ever since the moment he’d been dumped on his father’s doorstep by the woman who’d given birth to him. He’d been twelve that day.

Rob and he had become fast friends, brothers, and forged a bond far greater than any label available in the dictionary. Neil never quite managed to melt the ice in Clarissa’s heart or soften her disdain.

They made a promise in a fort made of blankets when Rob turned fourteen. After high school graduation, they left home and never looked back—or at least that had been the plan. Freedom became short-lived when Rob discovered their father’s drinking had gotten worse. Their father, as if Don deserved that title. Technically, Rob had a different biological father, but they both referred to Don as their dad. They moved out of their shared dorm room the same day they’d arrived on campus.

If Neil was being honest, he stayed purely for Rob. Rob might be a year older, but Neil had always taken the mantle of the older brother. Thunder sounded outside, drowning out the crash of wood and Neil’s thoughts. He shut his eyes, able to imagine Rob bolting up from his sleep and clambering down the ladder. Reaching out, Neil grabbed a fistful of Rob’s shirt.

“Leave it be. It’s nothing.”

“It can’t be nothing.” Rob tugged the hem of his shirt away from his grasp.

Don’t, Neil wanted to say, but he stayed his tongue.

Clarissa’s sobs punctured the air, high-pitched and shrill, like the sound of a bird being strangled to death. Cursing, Neil rose to his feet, fumbled for the old baseball bat he’d kept under the bed the moment he’d turned thirteen, and ran after his step-brother.

“Get away from her.”

Neil had never heard Rob sound so calm, so cold. That alarmed him. Rubbing his clammy palms on his sweats, Neil closed his hands tightly around the bat. How often had he imagined the sound of the wood finding its target—their dad’s skull?

In all his nineteen years, Neil had never used the weapon. He chickened out at the last minute. Always. Instead of enacting vengeance, he took the blows meant for Clarissa and Rob.

Light filtered out from the master bedroom, the door slightly open. Panting, each step heavy, Neil managed to drag his feet closer to the room of nightmares. Clarissa lay in a crumpled heap on the bed, knees drawn to her chest, rocking back and forth. The woman might hate his guts as much as Neil hated hers, but she was the only family he had, aside from Rob. Rob yanked the door all the way open.

“What are you going to do about it, you little piece of shit?” Their dad sneered. “Being in college doesn’t change anything.”

Don turned to Neil, who held onto his bat like an anchor.

“Are you going to clobber me to death, boy? Think you can swing that fucking bat? Go ahead. See if a spineless fucker like you can do it.”

Ten years ago, Don Lovell had been a heavy weight champ making his way to the top of the boxing world. Don never reached the pinnacle. The overweight drunk who loved using his fists on human punching bags might look like a pathetic shadow of his former self, but fear still filled Neil at the sight of him slapping his favorite belt on his meaty palm.

Neil couldn’t move a muscle, couldn’t even swing his weapon of choice to save his skin, or his step-brother’s. Biting his lower lip, Neil met the gaze of the only man he cared about. Rob’s eyes softened and a wave of understanding passed between them. They’d rendered the need to communicate with words unnecessary a long time ago. If the eyes served as gateways to their souls, then theirs were a reflection of each other.

Neil didn’t miss the way Don’s eyes narrowed, as if he’d come to a conclusion he didn’t like, or unveiled a dirty secret Rob and he had done their best to hide from prying eyes their entire lives.

“Son-of-a-bitch,” Don began. The bastard looked like he had plenty to say, but Rob cut him off.

“Neil’s not the only one with a weapon, Don.”

With shaky hands, Rob slipped something out from the pocket of his sweats. The metal gleamed under the dim lights of the bedroom.

“You think you can pull that trigger, faggot?”

Neil winced at the word. Don had done it now, but Neil gave nothing away, no reaction or smart comeback emerged from his lips.

Without another word, Rob clicked the safety off. His hands no longer shook. Clarissa let out a startled cry. Neil’s heart thudded so hard in his chest, he was certain everyone could hear it. He knew Rob inside out.

Who was this stranger, gripping a weapon of murder with sure and practiced hands?

“Neil and I love one another, Don. Thanks to you, we’ve really bonded, but this craziness needs to come to an end.”

“Don’t, Rob. Stop,” Clarissa whispered.

On her knees now, she crawled to Rob, tugging at his shirt, but he didn’t look at her. Neil understood. Rob wouldn’t dare tear his gaze away from a monster, because one moment of weakness could mean the end for all of them. Now that Rob had pointed a gun at Don, Don would never forgive them.

“Listen to your mother, you sorry piece of shit.”

Neil didn’t see Rob pull the trigger, but the roar of the gun made him jump. Later, Neil wondered how easy it had all been, ending the life of the monster who had scarred all of them, inside and out.

“We can’t leave him like that. We have to get rid of the evidence,” Neil told Rob, keeping his voice firm. The cops might never buy the self-defense story, and he couldn’t afford to lose Rob, not now, not ever.

Pale, hands shaking, dropping the gun, Rob’s mouth fell open to a perfect ‘o’ of shock. If Neil didn’t take charge now, he’d lose Rob forever. Picking up the gun, Neil clicked the safety off and tucked it inside the waistband of his sweats.

He’d dispose of the gun and erase every trace of evidence until everything looked normal. Deep down, Neil knew nothing would be the same. This secret would tie the three of them to their graves. Guilt might eat them alive in the end, but it didn’t matter. For the first time in his life, Neil felt safe, unafraid, and in control, although Rob had pulled the trigger.

“Neil.” Rob faltered, eyes wide, large as saucers. The fear there transported Neil back to the past, to all those nights they’d huddled in the closet, listening intently for Don’s heavy footsteps.

Neil crept up to him, wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him close into a hug. Rob stilled against him, ragged breathing ceasing, but Neil could hear Rob’s heart, hammering hard against his chest.

“Rob, we need to clean this up. Can you help me?”

Silent understanding passed between them, punctured by Clarissa’s sudden wail of agony. She was completely inconsolable. Unable to tear her gaze from the mess, she whispered four little words under her breath repeatedly, words that would forever damage Rob.

“I won’t forgive you.”

****

The moment the seemingly never-ending graduation ceremony ended, Rob tugged off his stuffy toga and pulled off his ridiculous hat. Unlike most of the young men and women there, the paper certificate in his hand meant nothing. What use was a bachelor’s degree in marketing when Rob had no interest in meeting other people or launching someone else’s product?

Marketing was Neil’s thing, but the years hadn’t been wasted. Despite a year apart, Neil and he had tailored their schedules so they took the same classes and participated in the same activities. Hell, Rob supposed these really were the best years of his life. Nothing could replace the soothing calm when he sat next to the only man he wanted in the lecture hall, or when they collaborated on a project. They worked so well, became so co-dependent on each other that the world no longer mattered.

“Could you keep that until after the pictures?” Neil asked, looking at his toga and hat with dismay.

Throngs of people exited the hall where the graduation ceremony was held. They flocked to friends, parents, and relatives. A pang of longing hit him then, unwarranted sentimentality. After burying their father in the backyard, no one in the house had spoken about the accident. At times though, Rob couldn’t help but wonder how things would have been like if their dad hadn’t been a monster. Like the rest of their cohorts, would they be having a nice dinner at some pricey restaurant with their parents, recounting wild tales?

He’d left the invitation to the ceremony on the fruit bowl right in the middle of the dining room, hoping in some way, his mother would see it. After Don’s death, Clarissa had never been the same. Rob hoped she’d get better, but she never did. Neil kept persuading him to move away from that house of nightmares, but Rob lacked the courage to leave his ghost of a mother there.

Without him to anchor her back to reality, she’d join her dead husband soon enough in the ground. Not that she’d been the most pleasant woman to deal with. If she wasn’t ignoring them, she made it her life’s mission to make their lives harder.

Well screw it. Only one person mattered to Rob, and Neil stood right in front of him. Feeling Neil’s strong hands cupping his jaw, he blinked. Looked around to check no one watched them. Their relationship was something they’d decided to keep a secret, because they still shared the same last name.

“Don’t look at anything or anyone else but me,” Neil said softly.

Rob met his gaze and smiled, liking what he found there—fierce hunger and celebration. Trying to hide that he knew about the surprise Neil had planned turned out to be extremely hard. Tonight, they wouldn’t be taking the forty minute drive back to Lily Valley. Neil had reserved a room for them at a charming inn a couple of hours from the college. There, no eyes could watch or pass judgment on them.

God knew they needed some private time alone. The past few months hadn’t been easy, full of cramming and Rob’s mother alarmingly watchful like a hawk over them for once. She’d never taken interest in their studies, so why start now?

Neil released his hold on Rob as Cindy, who was part of their circle of friends, ran up to them.

“Guys, you’re coming to Jan’s party, right?” she asked.

“Sorry,” Rob answered automatically. “We have plans with our family.”

Cindy, who Rob knew had a massive crush on Neil, tried to hide her disappointment with a laugh. “Alright then, you guys don’t be strangers.”

“Plans?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rob grinned, flashing his teeth at Neil like a wolf. “Baby, do you think you can keep something like that from me? Please.”

Startled at Rob’s nickname—they only addressed each other affectionately in private—Neil let out a deep, rumbling laugh. God. What a sexy sound. Even though he’d heard it a thousand times, hearing Neil laugh made his insides melt.

“Well, I’m bad with surprises anyway.” Neil eliminated the inch of space between them, the hard muscles of his body colliding against Rob’s lean frame. So solid, unyielding and all his. Rob’s breath hitched in his throat, groaning when he felt Neil’s erection jutting against his jeans and toga. “There will be hell to pay for you snooping around my things, brother.”

Rob shuddered, nearly losing his control then and there, but somehow managed to keep himself upright. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot? I need to stop by the men’s room.”

“Don’t take too long,” Neil reminded him.

The moment Neil parted from him, Rob wanted to bridge the gap between their bodies again. When had he become so needy and dependent? Rob supposed love was like that. It hits you right in the gut and never cares for mercy. Imagining all the exciting and filthy things Neil would do to him, Rob headed for the toilet with a grin on his lips and stopped short when a thin arm lashed out, nails digging into his skin.

“Hey—” Rob retorted, cut short when he stared into his mother’s face.

She looked like a wraith, able to slip from this world to the next any moment. The white dress didn’t help, neither did her hair, once golden but now threaded with more gray than yellow. Fury stared at Rob from those hard eyes, taking him aback.

“Mom.” Rob breathed out the word.

Neil often told him there was no reason to be afraid of one old woman, especially one who’d given up on living a long time ago.

“Don’t speak.” Clarissa’s words sliced through the air like razors capable of cutting deep into the bone. “I saw you together.”

The three damning words rang in his ears, but Rob didn’t taste defeat on his lips. For years now, he’d wanted to tell her. Maybe she’d suspected it all along, but had never opened her mouth. Rob could fix this. Convince her that nothing would change his mind about a future with Neil.

“I love him,” Rob said simply, wincing as her sharp nails broke skin, drawing blood.

“It’s wrong. You’ll burn in hell for this, Robert. I won’t stand for this,” she hissed in his ear, as if terrified someone would overhear them.

“Hell?” Rob let out a little laugh. She drew back, looking at him in awful wonder, as if she questioned whether she was speaking to a doppelganger who had replaced her real son. “We’re already going there for what we did, but guess what? At least Neil and I are going together.”

She slapped him then, nails raking across his skin, and began to repeat the motion, but he caught her thin wrist.

“Don’t,” Rob said simply. “I’m twenty-four and Neil’s twenty-five. We’re adults. Hell, we made that transition the day we buried him in the backyard. You can’t do anything to us.”

Rob didn’t plan on leaving her, despite knowing Neil wanted to move far away from their hometown. After tonight, he knew Neil would propose they leave behind the trappings of the past and start somewhere new. Each time Neil spoke about what awaited them, a world free of judgment from Clarissa’s poisonous words, he caved in a little. Only a thin barrier walled his heart. They deserved to be happy, too.

“Is that what you think?” His mother let out a cruel laugh.

Clarissa, Rob corrected. She’d ceased being his mother the day they’d come to her defense and made that terrible but necessary decision together. Still, her blood flowed in his veins. He steadied himself mentally, because Rob was certain whatever ammunition she’d bring out would be a killing blow. Funny how her words still had an effect on him, even now.

“You and your filthy step-brother won’t be free of me,” she crooned in his ear. “I’ll ruin you both, wreck him the most. It would be so easy to show the police the bones in the backyard, but I think the press would be interested in the pictures I have of both of you, fornicating, sodomizing each other under my own fucking roof.”

Rob froze. “What pictures?”

“Should I show them to you and all your innocent little friends, Robert?” She reached for her purse and pulled out a plain brown envelope.

Rob felt like he was stuck in a horror show-and-tell. He felt helpless, like he’d been at eighteen when Don had nearly beat Clarissa to death, and would have ended Neil too, without a second thought. Grabbing the bastard’s old service revolver had been the only solution.

His step-father’s contorted face, full of rage and disbelief, still haunted his dreams. The old nightmares haunted Neil too, even though sleeping side-by-side helped drive those foul memories away. Neil wasn’t just his anchor, his sole reason for living, but also his talisman against the dark. Clarissa should have followed the fucker, if she missed him so much.

Guilt rammed into him, but she’d just threatened to destroy the man he loved. The first photo peeked out from the envelope—the bedroom Neil and he shared and a hint of tangled limbs. Snatching the envelope, Rob furiously stuffed the photos back inside.

“Go ahead and burn them. I have the originals.”

Of course she did.

“What do you want?” he asked, barely recognizing his hoarse voice.

Beyond Clarissa’s shoulder, he glimpsed Cindy hugging her father. So happy, he envied them and everyone else who didn’t have to deal with their fucked-up families.

“Break it off with him. Tell him you don’t ever want to see him again.”

“You’re asking for the impossible.”

“You said you love him, Robert, or is that a lie?”

Jesus, she knew he hated it when she called him Robert. She really seemed intent on bringing out the big guns today. I invited her. Left that fucking piece of paper on the fruit bowl, thinking she would have been proud her son finished college.

“It’s not. I love him more than life,” Rob whispered.

She’d trapped him and they both knew it. Anger flashed through her eyes, but he didn’t give a fuck. It would be so easy for him to reach out, wrap his hands around her neck and strangle her, but it wouldn’t be that simple. She’d been a decent mother before the accident. It had cost him so much to end the life of a man he hated, how much more would he have to pay if he killed a woman who’d once shielded Neil and him from his step-father’s fists?

In the end, Don had done this to her. She understood he’d do anything for Neil because she’d somehow loved Don, even though she knew she’d gone to bed with a monster night after night.

What Rob needed was Neil beside him, telling him what to do. Neil was in the parking lot though, waiting in his car. His cell phone vibrated in his jeans pocket. Neil probably, wondering what was taking him so long.

“I’ll do anything. Just promise me you’ll leave him the fuck alone.”

“Better yet, I’ll pretend that bastard never existed. Break it off with him tonight, Rob. Make it count. Then you’re coming home with me. We’ll eat breakfast together and talk about you finding a nice single woman to be your wife.”

She waved to her surroundings, but her eyes seemed far away, perhaps seeing the future she’d decided for him. Like hell. Rob might be leashed, but he’d find a way to fight this, to defy her. He hardly heard the rest of what she said, barely noticed her walking away and a hand clasping his shoulder, turning him.

“Rob, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” Neil asked, concern etched on his face.

Rob clutched at the envelope damning Neil and him in his hand. Make it count, she’d said, and he did, even though lying through his teeth and putting on a convincing act felt like flaying his own heart and soul.

Chapter One

Present day

Neil drew lazy circles on his notebook while his boss kept on bitching about the team not being able to meet the sales target for the second consecutive month that year. A glance at the clock told him Gordon had been droning on for nearly an hour. An hour of his life wasted, when he could be elsewhere with someone who gave a damn. Too bad the only man he loved and wanted to be with never wanted to see his face.

At thirty-four, ten years after graduating from college and his awful parting with Rob, Neil still had not gotten over the incident. Taking a boyfriend, moving forward to better his life, never crossed his mind. He might have attained one part of his dream, becoming the marketing manager for a multi-national company, but what use was success if he couldn’t share it with anyone else?

His phone vibrated in his pocket. With nothing better to do, Neil fished it out. Seeing who the message was from, he nearly dropped the phone but managed to catch it at the last second. Four words flashed across the screen, enough to make him forget about the agonizing years of silence away from Rob.

Rob: I need you, brother.

Another message appeared on the heels of the first. A fucking miracle considering Neil hadn’t heard anything from him for half a decade.

Rob: Mom’s dead.

This news didn’t bother him as much as those four little words had. The fucker knew how deeply they would affect Neil. All Rob had to do was open his mouth, utter that sentence, and Neil would come running.

We aren’t children anymore, Rob.

It served Rob right if Neil didn’t come, much less typed a response. A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye and Rob had done all the hurting, but his one weakness had always been his step-brother.

Hands suddenly clammy, Rob wasn’t aware of the phone slipping from his fingers and clattering onto the hardwood floors until his colleagues gave him strange looks.

“Mr. Lovell, do you have anything meaningful to add to this meeting?”

Neil rose from his seat, calmly picked up his phone, and looked at his boss in the eye. “I just learned my mother has died. Sorry, I need some air.”

This would be a classic Rob move, lying through his teeth like this, but Neil had also learned some tricks along the way.

“Of course,” Gordon murmured, guilt filling his features. “Take all the time you need.”

Exiting the meeting room, Neil didn’t meet anyone’s eyes. If he hurried out of the office now, he could avoid rush hour. In four hours, he would arrive back at the starting point, at his hometown of Lily Valley.

Loosening his tie, Neil let his body do the necessary motions—submitting his emergency leave to the HR department and heading right to his car. Not bothering to dress or pack, he started the engine and programmed the GPS to his hometown.

It was crazy of him to do this and to not consider his other options, but when it came to Rob, logic flew out the window. Nothing made sense. Instinct drove him, defined him when it came to this man.

“Fuck, I barely know you anymore,” Neil whispered.

Rob might have cut him off, but Neil refused to let go. Erasing any trace of Rob meant ripping out bits and pieces of his soul and he couldn’t have that. Dare he admit it? He had stalked Rob with ruthless tenacity. Created pseudonyms online to follow all of Rob’s social media accounts and he even hired a private investigator to check that Rob wasn’t in trouble.

Through reports and pictures his step-brother posted online, Neil still felt like he knew him, at least on the surface-level. No, that wasn’t true. Underneath his adult self, Rob’s childhood self had lingered and Neil knew that side best. They’d created a thousand memories together and survived numerous battles with matching wounds to prove it.

“You’ve done it, Rob. You’ve asked for my help, but this time, you can’t send me away. I’m here to stay, whether you like it or not.”

Clarissa’s death had hit Rob hard and Neil knew it. Although the witch treated Rob differently, coldly and unfairly after the accident, Rob had stuck by her through thick and thin. Neil’s mistake had been asking Rob to choose because his step-brother picked her in the end.

The feeling of betrayal and hurt never really went away. Neil swore to himself he’d never forgive Rob, even when the man came crawling back to him. Look what had just happened. Four words had been enough to undo him.

Neil didn’t bother replying to Rob’s text. Rob knew him all too well. The bastard knew he’d drop everything to be with the one man whose eyes reflected a soul so similar to his.

****

Long after the mourners and well-wishers gave their false words of consolation, Rob stayed. He stared at the newly erected gravestone of his mother, decorated with lilies—her favorite and the one flower Rob was allergic to. Nose stinging, he kept his distance, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat.

His legs began to stiffen and he tasted the first droplets of rain on his lips, but he didn’t move a muscle. No one could deny he’d played his role of faithful son to the hilt. To distract himself from the jarring truth of her death, he’d made a check list in his head.

Rob made all the necessary arrangements. He’d picked the coffin she specified, dug out the address of the retired Catholic priest she wanted to preside over her funeral, and invited everyone on her guest list.

What kind of woman organized her own funeral?

Once he’d completed the tasks, Rob felt numb again, all hollowed out. He really thought Neil would come. Oh, he knew Neil and his mother had never gotten along. Rob knew he’d done the only man who’d ever understood him a disservice by cutting all ties between them for so long. It was selfish of him to reach out to Neil, who’d probably moved on and had his own life now, but Rob couldn’t help himself.

Besides, if Neil did arrive, everything would feel a lot better. If Neil pulled him into his massive and warm arms, it would render the world mute and insignificant. Rob owed him an apology. He could finally tell Neil the reason why he’d pushed him away and how it felt like tearing his own limbs off when he’d made that painful decision.

“You’re going to catch a fucking cold like that.”

Relief filled Rob at the familiar sound of Neil’s voice. It sounded deeper, harsher now, but it was Neil. Neil stood beside him, shoulder-to-shoulder, looking so fucking gorgeous under the downpour while he felt and looked like shit. Why Rob cared about his physical appearance, he never knew.

“You look just like I remembered,” Rob said, unsure how to start, to reconnect, if Neil even wanted that.

That was a lie, too. He’d always been a compulsive liar to save his skin and Neil’s, but no amount of lies had ever stood up to Don’s rage. Neil had always had kind eyes, but the Neil he was looking at right now had possessed, hard ones, lacking mercy and forgiveness. They told Rob he only had one chance to explain, to not screw the fuck up, or risk losing Neil forever.

He cleared his throat.

Fuck, why was it so hard to speak?

“Mom threatened to call up the local police, to dig up dad’s corpse under the old apple tree out back if I didn’t break it off with you.”

Neil let out a breath. “You expect me to believe that?”

Rob said nothing for a couple of moments. Neil demanded the truth, so he gave it up, childish as it sounded. For Christ’s sake, they were both adults, but Rob couldn’t leave his mother. She’d committed two failed suicide attempts before she found God again.

He’d tried his best, thinking he could save her, only realizing years later she was beyond salvation. His mother had given her heart to a monster, and never got it back. She had no space left in her heart to love her only son, an abomination who desired his own step-brother. Neil and he might not be related by blood, but that didn’t matter to her.

To his shock, Neil let out a laugh, the sound jarring and unpleasant.

“I figured it was something like that. It happened ten fucking years ago, but we’ve never really been free of them.”

“We’re free now.”

Rob turned to Neil, brushing his hand against his shoulder.

Neil flinched, as if Rob’s touch burned him. Fuck, but Rob hated how he still had that effect on Neil. Distance and time only worsened the longing inside him, sharpening it to a fine blade capable of striking where it would hurt the most. Thorns prickled Rob’s heart. Drenched in rain water, Rob noticed Neil had come dressed in a suit.

Had he driven straight here after receiving his text, without even bothering to change?

Jesus Christ. What was Rob doing, calling Neil all the way out here?

All Neil had ever wanted to do was leave home the moment he was able. Rob could still recall the day Neil had asked him to go with him and try finding jobs in the city. Leave Lily Valley and the past behind—it was sheer temptation, an indulgence, but Rob couldn’t leave his mother. He couldn’t beg Neil to stay with him either.

That would be pure selfishness on his part, but hadn’t he done the same thing by calling Neil back home? Back to Lily Valley, which Rob knew had never felt like home to Neil.

“I’m sorry. I know my apology means jack-shit, but I mean it all the same. This is hard for me, too.”

With reluctance, he pulled his hand away. He let out a gasp when Neil closed his hand over his wrist. Narrowing his eyes, Neil watched him. Pulse racing, leaping at Neil’s touch, Rob tried to tug his hand away, but Neil refused to let him go.

“No you don’t. You’ve always been an inconsiderate bastard so don’t fucking tell me how it’s hard for you.”

Neil wrenched his grip away. Rob’s heart thudded. Once Neil turned his back on him, Rob knew he’d lose his step-brother, the only man who understood him, his soul mate. A better man would let Neil go and not say a word or do anything but wish Neil luck in the life he deserved.

Rob didn’t want to be the better man. Finally free of his mother’s judgment and influence, he wanted to grasp what Neil and he never had. God knew Rob dreamt of it often, how it would be, once it was only the two of them. Impulse made him grab Neil’s shoulder.

“Wait. Please.”

Pleading did the trick. Neil whirled, leveling hard eyes at him.

“Why should I?”

Neil didn’t know it yet, but Rob had him. Always did.

“Don’t leave.”

“You said you needed me. I came. End of story.”

“No.” Rob bit his bottom lip.

“No? What are you, Rob, a kid?” Neil sneered.

“You’re hurt, that’s understandable.”

“I’m hurt? Fuck you, Rob. Not a word from you for ten years and now you’re asking me not to leave?”

“Demanding you not to leave,” Rob corrected.

Neil snarled softly under his breath. Rob took that opportunity to catch the end of Neil’s tie and tug him close for a kiss. Despite the rain, Rob forgot all about the cold once Neil’s body touched his.

Neil’s resistance didn’t last long. He clasped the back of Rob’s neck, locking their lips together in a fervent and passionate kiss. Rob rubbed his body against Neil’s, enjoying Neil’s hands roaming possessively all over him.

Stupid clothes got in the way. They had to go.

Taking over, Neil sucked and bit, thrusting heat into Rob’s mouth. It took Rob all the way back to the first time they’d kissed. In the cover of night, Rob had stolen down to Neil’s bunk, snuggled in close, and told Neil to ward off the dark.

“How?” he remembered Neil asking.

“Kiss me. Make me forget,” he’d replied.

God. Rob had always loved defiance, relished breaking all the rules, but only Neil understood his true self, that all his snark had been a front, an armor he used so he could face the rest of the world. He opened his mouth wider, letting Neil thrust his tongue down his throat. Rob felt his cock painfully straining against the zipper of his trousers. He didn’t need to look down to know Neil sported a hard-on.

Abruptly, Neil tore his mouth away. They both started to pant. One kiss and a single glance had been enough to tell his step-brother how much Rob missed him, needed him.

“We can’t do this here. Not near their graves,” Neil muttered.

“Don’t leave,” Rob said, letting Neil hear the desperation in his voice.

Neil held out his hand. Rob looked at him distrustfully. “Come on. You’ll catch a cold at this rate.”

Relieved, Rob laced their fingers together, like they’d done in secret when they were younger.

Lifting their linked hands, Rob planted a kiss on Neil’s knuckles. “I’ll make it up to you for all the years we’ve spent apart. I promise.”

A hungry look crossed Neil’s expression, full of lust and raw want. “I’ll hold you to that, baby.”

Rob grinned. “Finally calling each other pet names now?”

“It’s long overdue.” They walked back to the cemetery car park, encountering no one along the way.

Neil broke away to fish the key out of his pocket. Spotting his ride, Rob whistled.

“Sweet. When did you get a black Phantom Rolls-Royce? How does she run?”

“Good enough, but she’s an impulse buy. I’ll probably trade it in for a cheaper car.”

Rob glanced thoughtfully at the convertible. Seeing Neil’s frown, he asked, “What?”

“I know that look. That means you’re up to something.”

“Do you now?” Rob ran a hand up Neil’s arm. “Tell me, Neil. Have you ever had sex in the back of a Phantom?”

To his shock, Neil returned his grin, cluing Rob in to the fact that Neil must have changed over the years. Nonetheless, bits and pieces of Neil, the parts Rob loved, remained the same.

“Can’t say I have. Get that sweet ass inside.”

Neil unlocked the back. Scooting in, Rob winced at the thought of getting the leather seats wet. Well, considering what they were about to do, it didn’t matter. Joining him, Rob shut the car door behind him and locked the doors.

Chapter Two

Nervous, Rob rubbed his hands over his knees. He’d never had a problem with sexual intimacy. To sate his desires, he’d settled for one-night-stands and hook-ups in gay bars, but all that time, it was Neil’s face he’d imagined.

Part of Rob knew he shouldn’t bother finding a replacement, because he’d known in his heart and soul Neil was the one. Others spent all their lives searching for that one individual to complete them. Neil had been standing in front of him all his life, except their relationship always came with complications. In the beginning, the lure of the forbidden had driven their actions. Now though, they were older, adults who knew exactly what they wanted. Each other.

Screw the rest of the world.

“I—” Rob hesitated. What else could he say?

He gasped when Neil mimicked his earlier gesture, tugging at his tie to bring him close.

“Tongue-tied, Rob? That’s rare for you.”

Neil’s gaze demanded a response, so Rob gave him the painful truth. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”

Narrowing his eyes, Neil undid his tie with deft and careful fingers, the gesture strangely erotic. “You won’t. I make my own choices, Rob.”

“This isn’t just a one-time thing for me.”

“I know. Didn’t you say we’re finally free to do what we want?”

“It’s…” Rob hesitated, biting on his lower lip. “Just like that?”

“Why make things complicated? I’ve been fucking waiting for you for the longest time, Rob. You’re the same. I knew why you kept your distance. I can’t forgive you for that yet, but I will. You know I can’t stay mad at you long.”

Rob’s lips curved into a smile. “I know. We bicker, we fight, but in the end, we always stick together, thick and thin.”

“I can’t say the same for most marriages.” Neil brought him close for a kiss, hand slipping to the button of his trousers. “Tell me, Rob. What do you want most of all in the world?”

“You. Us.”

“Let’s make that a reality.”

Rob groaned when Neil dragged the zipper of his trousers down, but he grabbed Neil’s hand.

Raising his eyebrows, Neil asked, “Changed your mind?”

“Let me.” Neil let Rob undo his bottoms and pull out his shaft. At the sight of Neil’s long, semi-erect and thick dick, he licked his lips in anticipation. “I missed you.”

“Are you talking about me or my dick?” Neil asked, amused.

“Both.” Rob lowered his head into Neil’s lap, relieved to feel the pressure of Neil’s fingers threading into his hair. He always liked a little bite to his pleasure and Neil knew.

“Remind me how much you missed my cock,” Neil ordered.

God. Rob missed that too, Neil’s domineering side when they were in the bedroom. He’d always known he loved submitting to a powerful man capable of sending him to his knees. Only Neil was capable of doing that. Neil craved power exchange as much as him.

Rob flicked his tongue over the pre-cum gathered at Neil’s tip, swirling it around his cock head with relish. The familiar taste of Neil filled his mouth, tangy and a little salty. Groaning above him, Neil tightened his grip on his hair.

“Don’t tease.”

Rob disobeyed him on that account. He’d spent too many lonely nights, thinking about this very moment. Taking his time, he licked Neil’s length from crown to base. Neil’s balls, Rob didn’t neglect. He took each one in his mouth, sucking at them.

“Enough, baby.”

Damn. Rob doubted he’d ever get tired of that term of endearment. When Neil pushed his shaft between his lips, Rob opened wide and began giving Neil the best blow job of his life. Applying suction with every inch, Rob bobbed his head up and down. Hearing the sounds of pleasure coming from Neil’s mouth and knowing he was the cause—that was an incredible turn on.

“I’m close,” Neil said with panting breaths.

Rob relaxed in his hold, knowing Neil wanted to take over. Neil fucked his mouth, strokes steady at first before picking up speed. Unable to help himself, Rob imagined how Neil’s cock would feel like, stretching his ass, claiming the territory that rightfully belonged to him.

Once they started, they couldn’t stop and Rob didn’t want to. He missed this. Hell, Rob missed everything about Neil. He wanted to spend the rest of his life reacquainting himself with every nook and cranny of Neil’s body, even though they knew every inch of each other better than they knew themselves.

With a growl, Neil pushed his dick into Rob’s waiting mouth one more time before finally exploding. Rob closed his mouth over Neil’s softening prick, swallowing down his cum and not spilling a drop.

“Fuck, I missed that,” Neil said.

Rob raised his head from Neil’s lap and licked his lips. “Yummy.”

Neil zipped up his jeans. “Get out.”

Blinking, Rob couldn’t speak. Emotions raged inside him into an unrecognizable mess. “What?”

“We can’t do this here, in the back of my car. I can’t fuck you like this.”

Relieved Neil wasn’t sending him away or changing his mind, Rob nodded. “Where then?”

“Where else?” Neil opened the door and Rob understood.

Of course, it was only appropriate to retrace their steps to where it had all started. Home, or at least the house they’d grown up in. Rob rode shotgun and took off his jacket. Neil did the same.

“Are you sure?” Rob had to ask.

He knew Neil swore he’d never return to that house. With their father buried out back, his mother never wanted to move. Clarissa had demanded that she live and die in the house she and her husband had bought together.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Neil started the engine.

Rob shook his head and joked to diffuse the tension. “Hear that roar. So sexy.”

“So are you.”

Color rose to Rob’s cheeks. He wasn’t a shy guy by any means, but only Neil could make him feel self-conscious.

“Tell me how she died.”

Rob did, although there wasn’t much to tell. Neil professed he didn’t give a damn about Clarissa, but Rob knew better. Neil cared for her in his own way. They both needed the distraction, the simple act of talking to unburden their souls of everything weighing them down. For Neil, talking served as a distraction from returning to the place of nightmares and for Rob, to forget about his grief.

“I woke up one morning to discover she wasn’t breathing. She died exactly the way she wanted, in the bed she and Dad once shared. Morbid, isn’t it?”

“Appropriate.”

“Why do you say that?”

Neil barked out a harsh laugh. “We never saved her, Rob. When Dad died, he took a piece of her with him to the grave.”

Rob had a come back ready, but why defend his mother when Neil had only stated what he’d known for a while? He could remember that one awful moment that had scarred both of them for life—Clarissa’s hate-filled eyes that silently begged him to end her too and Neil, who was forced to take charge and be an adult. Rob might have pulled the trigger, but those he loved had paid the toll for his sin.

“I guess you’re right.”

Awkward silence filled the tiny space. Tension racketed. The ache inside Rob grew worse. He shut his eyes, remembering.

Once upon a time, they hadn’t needed words. When a storm had raged outside their window and when their parents tried to drown out the noise of the wind using their own voices, Rob would clamber down his bunk. He’d nestle himself beside Neil, comforted by his warm body and embrace. Neil’s presence, his warm breath against Rob’s neck and the even rise and fall of his chest had the power to render the rest of the world insignificant, mute.

No words were required. They clung to each other, knowing that all they needed was each other.

For so long, Rob had suppressed his desires. Told himself it was better to keep his distance. His mother and the rest of the world said it was wrong for him to love Neil, but now, no one decided the rules but them.

Neil pulled into the driveway of their old house.

“Huh. I thought it would look different somehow, but everything’s the same.”

Rob reached out, peeling Neil’s cold fingers from the wheel and raised them to his lips. He blew at them until Neil’s flesh warmed.

“Nothing’s the same.”

Neil grabbed the back of his neck for a bruising kiss, as if he needed a reminder Rob was within easy reach and finally his to take. Without another word, Neil released him and got out of the car. Rob followed, raising his head to taste the droplets on his lips. Rainwater and Neil, he mused, tasted amazing.

“Rain’s a good sign,” Rob told Neil. They walked to the front door together, just like old times when they would come back from school. God, every inch of this house contained memories, joyful ones and painful ones. He put the key in, comforted by the feel of Neil’s hand, stroking his spine.

“Why’s that?”

“Water cleanses. Helps us forget.”

Neil nipped at his ear lobe. “I don’t want to forget. I can’t.”

“Neither can I.” Rob shut the door behind him.

They stared at each other for a couple of seconds.

Neil growled. “Take off those clothes, or you’ll catch a cold.”

Rob’s lips lifted to a smile. The years had changed them, turned them from two damaged boys into two scarred men. Underneath it all, the core remained the same. Neil would forgive him for the lost years, like Rob knew he would. And Rob? He’d make sure he spent every waking moment showing Neil how much his love and sacrifice meant to him—everything.

“Are you saying those words to get me naked?”

“Do it, or I’ll rip them off you myself.”

God. Rob loved it when Neil took control.

“Catch me first.” Rob sprinted past Neil, slapping away his arm to run up the flight of stairs.

Old ghosts had chased Rob here, especially when Neil left. He’d feared once Clarissa joined Don in death, he’d start seeing her, too. Tonight, the old house remained quiet, save for the rain hammering on the rooftops and Neil and his footsteps thudding on the hardwood floors.

Rob almost made it past their old room when strong arms wrapped around his waist. Panting from the exercise, he leaned against Neil and waited for Neil to take in the changes he’d made over the years. The bunk bed—gone, and a king-sized bed in its place, but Rob had kept old reminders of Neil.

“You kept my posters,” Neil said, sounding stunned.

Freeing Rob from his embrace, Neil walked around the space and occasionally reached out to touch surfaces, the spines of books and the baubles Rob had collected over the years.

“Good thing you’ve gotten rid of the old bunk bed.”

“I didn’t want to, but it’s strange for an adult man to sleep in a bunk bed.” Clarissa had bugged him for ages to get rid of the thing. Rob stubbornly refused, because that bed reminded him too much of special moments, like the first time he’d snuck to Neil’s side and the first time they’d made love.

“And this new bed, how many men have you brought back here?” Jealousy coated Neil’s voice, but Rob couldn’t blame him.

Rob didn’t rise to the bait. Everyone had needs. He knew Neil resorted to one-night-stands and random hook-ups just like he did. Turning on his heel, Neil pushed him against the bed. Fear and excitement crawled down Rob’s spine. Neil would never hurt him, not then and certainly not now.

“Tell me the truth.”

“I’ve always slept alone.”

“Liar.”

“Why would I lie to you? Do you think I’d bring some random stranger here, with Clarissa next door?” Rob let out a mirthless laugh. He fingered the sheets. They were pure black, like his grief. “Never mind the fact she knew about you, about us, but she always hated the fact I was gay. She kept pushing so many girls at me, setting up dates, but she eventually stopped.”

Guilt crossed Neil’s features. “I’m sorry.”

Rob looked him in the eye. “You left. What did you expect?”

“I asked you to come with me.”

“And you knew I couldn’t. What else is new?” Could they really mend old wounds, or had they accumulated too many scars? Was fixing each other even possible?

Neil breathed hard, looking at him. Torn between tugging him close and shoving him away, Rob silently counted to ten and tried for logic instead.

“Why did you come back, Neil?”

“You said you needed me.”

Rob crossed his arms. “That’s not good enough.”

“Nothing’s good enough for you, is it?

When Rob didn’t answer, Neil let out a sharp exhale and tried again. “I wanted to see you. These years apart, they wrecked me.”

“When I wake up each day, do you know the first thing that comes to mind?” Rob asked.

Frowning, Neil met his gaze. “Tell me.”

“That I could have woken up each morning, to the face of the man I love.”

Expression softening, Neil closed the distance between them. He tilted Rob’s face upward, thumbing Rob’s bottom lip, still swollen from his earlier kisses.

“We can’t change the past, but the future’s still waiting to be written.”

Hope flared inside Rob. He clutched at the fabric of Neil’s trousers, not daring to speak.

Neil bent down to kiss him, slow and tender.

“Let’s continue where we left off.”

Chapter Three

Neil couldn’t deny everything about this house jarred him and disoriented his senses. The moment he entered the front door, the walls seemed to press down on him. It took a special kind of courage to continue living in this place of nightmares, the way Rob did.

Hell, only Rob’s presence kept him rooted down and sane, even though he’d suggested they come here in the first place. By volunteering to return here, where everything began, Neil hoped to exorcise the demons that continued to haunt him.

“Take off your clothes,” Neil ordered. “I want to see how hard you are for me, how much you want my cock.”

Commands came to him naturally and knowing Rob would submit to him fully and no one else—that was icing on the cake. It didn’t hurt learning Rob had never brought another man here.

Devious smile on his lips, Rob reached for his tie. Neil beat him to the punch and tugged away Rob’s tie until the drenched fabric dangled in his hand. Rob gasped in surprise, watching him intently. Taking off his own tie, Neil braided the two pieces of material together, enjoying Rob’s increasing discomfort.

“Will you make me repeat myself, Rob?”

Rob shrugged off his blazer and fumbled for the button of his shirt. Every inch of flesh Rob unveiled made Neil’s dick thicken. Neil placed their ties on the corner of the bed and undressed. His mouth watered when Rob finally kicked off his shoes, trousers and boxers. Nude and glorious, Rob spread his thighs, showing Neil his erection. Neil didn’t miss the way Rob licked his lips once Neil stood in front of him, body and soul bared.

“You’ve really bulked up,” Rob murmured in appreciation.

“Going to the gym became one of my hobbies.” Neil retrieved the tie.

When Rob began to reach for his hardening shaft, Neil flicked the tie against his hand.

“Behave,” Neil chided.

Rob pouted. Beads of water still dotted his skin, like he’d come from a bath. Neil couldn’t wait to put his mouth to every inch of Rob, to taste what was his. “But you look so tempting. Man candy. Mine.”

“Mine,” Neil repeated, still unable to believe the words.

“Yours,” Rob agreed.

“Hands out.” Rob offered him his hands and Neil bound the fabric over his wrist. He double-checked to make sure that while his knots were firm, they wouldn’t cut the circulation. Fuck, but his black tie wound around Rob’s blue one looked amazing on Rob’s pale complexion.

“Why did you do that? Bind the two ties together?” Rob asked.

Neil pressed a hand against Rob’s chest to feel Rob’s racing heartbeat. He gave Rob’s chest a gentle push, until Rob lay on his back, gaze meeting his.

“Two is always stronger than one.”

Rob beamed, getting it. “Ready to ride me, cowboy?”

“Not yet.”

Neil blanketed his body over Rob, pulling Rob’s restrained hands above his head. Bodies touching, heat leapt from Rob’s body to his, hot enough to chase the cold away. Rob moaned softly underneath him, vainly rubbing his body and his dick against Neil’s. Fuck, Neil could have burst right there, but he wanted to take his time.

Silencing Rob’s mouth with a kiss, Neil nibbled and sucked. Rob yielded to him, opening his lips wider, so Neil could deepen the kiss. Neil ran his hands all over the familiar planes of Rob’s body, reacquainting himself.

“Neil,” Rob murmured. “Please. I need you in me now. Remind me I’m yours.”

Tempting offer, but Neil couldn’t rush this. Oh, he had every intention of fucking Rob until Rob could barely walk in the morning. Knowing Rob would only beg him for more made it hard to hang onto his control. He pinched Rob’s left nipple until the bud hardened and Rob bucked underneath him.

“I’m not done with you,” Neil said. “Stay still while I enjoy you.”

Neil began making a path of kisses from neck to hip.

“God, I missed this,” Rob murmured.

Neil planted a kiss on the tip of Rob’s dick. “I missed you too, baby. Badly.”

Planting his hands over Rob’s thighs, he kept them apart so he could put his mouth and tongue to work.

“Neil, what—” Rob couldn’t continue.

Neil swiped the pre-cum over Rob’s tip and swirled his tongue over Rob’s cock head. Moaning above him, Rob thrust his hips to his mouth, prompting Neil to give his left thigh a playful slap. Neil gave Rob’s balls a squeeze, knowing Rob liked a bit of pressure and started to take Rob’s prick into his mouth.

“Baby,” Rob whispered but said no more.

Neil liked that word on Rob’s lips, liked it a lot. Applying suction with every inch he covered, Neil marveled at the way Rob hardened under his ministrations. Once Rob’s tip hit the back of his throat, Neil pulled out. Then he repeated the action. Every whimper he wrangled from Rob’s mouth hardened his own dick.

At Rob’s tell-tale shudder, Neil withdrew his mouth from Rob’s prick. He curled his hands around Rob’s shaft, gliding his fist up and down.

“Give it to me, baby. I want you to explode all over my fingers. Do it now.”

At his command, Rob groaned, climaxing. Strings of Rob’s cum covered Neil’s fingers, some coating his chest and stomach. Eyelids flickering, Rob’s mouth parted, but no sound came out. When Rob seemed to recover, Neil swiped his fingers over the cum on his chest. Rob’s eyes widened when Neil placed his digits to his mouth and sucked on them.

Neil placed them into Rob’s mouth. “Taste us, you and me combined.”

Rob let out a shudder and licked his fingers dry. Neil groaned at the erotic sight. Fuck, but Rob reminded him of a hungry cat.

“We’re far from done, baby,” Neil reminded him.

“Oh, I know.”

“Tell me how much you want my dick in you, baby.”

“Very badly. Put your big cock in me, Neil. Remind me who owns me—body, heart and soul.”

A wave of possessiveness filled Neil. Rob looked so fucking gorgeous, lying there. How could Neil love someone so much? They never did say the three little words, despite knowing the truth for the longest time. Back then, Neil had been terrified of rejection. The world said this kind of love was forbidden and wrong. Neil remembered the day Clarissa found out.

After Don’s death, they took every opportunity to be together. Certain Clarissa would be gone for her weekly church meeting, they thought they’d had the house to themselves. Clarissa walked in on them, screwing each other on the kitchen counter. She hadn’t pulled a knife or torn them apart, but Neil remembered the fury that tore through her uptight features. Without another word, she headed up the stairs and locked her bedroom door.

They both knew something wasn’t right. Neil had called 911 while Rob had tried to reason with her.

It took the paramedics half an hour to arrive and break her door open. To Rob’s knowledge, Clarissa never bothered to fix the grotesque scars on her wrists. She wore them openly, flaunted them in their faces every day until something inside Neil broke. Neil left the moment they graduated. Rob was made of stronger stuff. He’d stayed, but neither of them came out right again, not since Don’s death.

With Clarissa now gone from their lives, Neil could breathe easier. This felt like the beginning of the rest of their lives. So this was what freedom tasted like. When Neil had left Rob, he hadn’t really been free, not without his soul mate by his side.

“I love you, Rob.”

****

For a second, all Rob could do was stare at Neil. Had he imagined Neil saying those three words?

“I love you too, Neil.”

Uttering those words felt like a gun had gone off inside him. They’d hidden their love so long from the world that it had begun to feel so natural, doing everything in the dark, when the world turned its eyes from them. With the weight in his soul freed, Rob felt like they could accomplish anything.

“Now,” Rob began, gaze settling on Neil’s thickening erection. “Fuck me like you mean it.”

“So crude, baby. I like it. Condoms and lube?”

“In the drawer.”

Rob watched Neil walk to the drawer by the side of the bed, practically yanking it open to get to his prize. Neil let out a curse.

“What’s wrong?”

“Lube,” Neil said, holding the tube up. “But no condoms. If you can wait, I’ll rush to the store.”

“There’s no need for that. I’m clean.”

“So am I.” Neil drew a shaky breath when Rob’s implication sunk. “Rob, think about this.”

“What’s there to think about? Neil, you’re the first man to take my virginity and you’ll be the last man I’ll ever be with, until death do us part.”

“You really mean that?”

“Come ride me.”

Neil took position between his legs. Heart thumping, Rob could hardly wait. Neil hefted his legs above his shoulder and uncapped the lube, applying a generous amount on his fingers and down Rob’s crack. Rob moaned at the feel of Neil’s finger, pushing into his opening. How many nights had he spent, alone in his bed, fucking his hand to the images of Neil doing exactly this?

“Be patient, baby. I don’t want this to hurt.”

“I want it to hurt, to feel you deep in me.”

Neil paused before sliding a second digit in, stretching Rob for his access. “I know.”

“You know everything about me then?” Rob teased, groaning when Neil lowered his body against his skin.

Neil kissed him, making his insides melt. He didn’t remember what he wanted to say.

“Not everything, but we have the rest of our lives to find out.”

Neil positioned his tip against Rob’s entrance. Groaning when Neil thrust his dick inside him, Rob kept his bound hands above his head. Needing something to hold onto, Rob fisted the sheet, moaning when Neil sheathed himself fully inside him.

“Breathe, Rob.”

Rob obeyed, forgetting how huge Neil was. He lifted his hands, putting them around Neil’s neck. The burn would fade away soon enough and pleasure would replace pain.

Neil’s breath was warm against his ear. “This first time I fuck you, it will be hard and fast so you’ll remember me and how perfect we are together.”

Beginning to move, Neil pumped in and out of him. Rob bit Neil’s shoulder, loving the taste of him on his lips. Finding a rhythm, Neil drove in and out of him, picking up speed. Neil fucked him deeper, the force of his thrusts making the bed underneath them vibrate. Groaning, Rob thrust his hips, eager to receive Neil’s cock.

Neil must have shifted his angle because his next entry sent Rob’s mind reeling and made him gasp in surprise. Grinning, Neil gripped his hips—hard enough to bruise, but Rob didn’t mind. He missed waking up in the morning and looking at the marks Neil left behind on his body. There was simply something primal and possessive about the gesture that stoked the fire inside.

All the years of misery and waiting had finally built up Rob’s longing into a crazy inferno that couldn’t be contained—not that Rob wanted the flames contained.

Neil aimed for his sweet spot repeatedly, driving Rob to the limits of his control. Balls drawn tight against his body, Rob sunk his nails into Neil’s muscled shoulder, but Neil didn’t seem to mind. If nothing else, Neil was spurred on, pushing in and out of him relentlessly and without mercy—just the way Rob wanted and had dreamt of for the longest time.

“Give it to me, Rob,” Neil ordered.

Hearing the firm authority in Neil’s voice had been enough to push Rob over the edge. Head reeling, heart hammering against his chest, Rob exploded. Every muscle in his body relaxed and he coated Neil’s ribs and chest with cum. Neil pushed into him several times before letting out a triumphant growl and shooting his load inside Rob’s waiting ass.

“Fuck,” Neil whispered.

“Fuck,” Rob agreed with a shaky laugh.

He managed to tug the end of the tie loose with his fingers. The fabric fluttered onto Neil’s back. With his hands free, Rob stroked Neil’s back. Pressed together like this, Rob could hear Neil’s heart beating calm and steady. For the next few sweet seconds, they said nothing.

They didn’t need to.

Epilogue

Two Months Later

“Looks like you hit your sales target this month, Neil. Good job,” Gordon said, nodding to him from the far end of the conference table.

Relieved his boss had shifted to a new target, Neil checked his phone under the table. No new messages from Rob. A little worrying, but given the circumstances—reasonable. Neil had stayed two more weeks, helping Rob with Clarissa’s arrangements, before returning to his apartment in the city. They met often. Rob would drive out on Friday evening and arrive at his doorstep Saturday morning.

The arrangement would be temporary. Last night, Rob told him the sale of their old house had gone through. By the end of this week, Rob would be moving in. Neil’s lips curved into a smile. After all they’d been through, it was finally happening. They were going to live together. The calendar on his phone confirmed the date—Monday. Four days of hell, of waiting until Saturday arrived.

Neil could do this. Hell, he’d waited for years for Rob. He’d wait an entire lifetime if need be, but time seemed to drag on.

Someone gave him a shake on the shoulder. Neil looked up, blinking at Ken, one of his close friends at the office. “Neil, the meeting’s ended.”

“Right, thanks,” Neil answered, feeling sheepish. He closed his tablet with the note taking app absent of anything written and followed Ken out.

“Good thing the meeting ended on time. The guys and I plan to hit the usual bar. Want to come?” Ken asked.

They walked out of the conference room and neared their cubicles, but something—a familiar figure—caught Neil’s eye. A man stood by the reception table and the sound of his laugh jolted Neil awake. It couldn’t be, but he met Rob’s amused eyes and grin across the cubicles.

Neil halted in his footsteps. Ken followed his gaze and let out a whistle.

“That your boyfriend, Neil?” Ken teased, looking stumped when Neil met his gaze evenly.

“No,” Neil said in a quiet voice. “That’s the man about to become my husband.”

Ken let out a whoop, thumped him on the back, and sent him stumbling.

“Neil, this nice young lady’s been keeping me company,” Rob said, beaming at him.

“Young lady? My word,” Linda, the forty-three-year old widow who’d been at the firm for a decade, gushed.

Rob always had a way with people, Neil remembered.

“Neil, introduce me to your fiancée,” Ken said, coming by his elbow.

Neil groaned. Ken practically announced the fact to everyone there.

“Fiancée?” Rob asked.

A mischievous glint appeared in his eyes. Neil was tempted to walk up to him and shut Rob up with a rough and bruising kiss. So tempting, but Neil had some measure of self-control. Some days, Neil still couldn’t believe this was all real, that both of them were finally free from the past and free to live life any way they chose.

“Wrong word?” Ken asked. The tease.

To Neil’s surprise, Rob didn’t bite. He looked at Neil for a couple of thoughtful seconds. When Neil crooked a finger, Rob approached him, sinking into his embrace like he knew he’d belonged there all along.

“Are you denying we’re engaged?” Neil asked, no longer caring where they were. He pulled out Rob’s finger, the one with the wedding band, and sucked on it. Someone gasped, probably Ken, because he’d never seen Neil so forward in his relationships.

“We’re more than friends, lovers, or husbands.” Rob didn’t add the last word. Brothers. The rest of the world didn’t need to know. The day Clarissa had been laid to rest, they’d ceased being step-brothers. They were reborn as simply two men who loved each other.

“What then?” Neil asked.

“Soul mates,” Rob finished, locking his arms around Neil’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss. Ken whistled, but he didn’t matter, neither did the rest of the world. Whenever Rob and he were together, only they existed.

They parted. Neil cleared his throat and extended his hand. His mind took him to a time, not long ago, when Rob and he were first introduced by his father. Rob spat in his face, tried to run away, but tripped instead. That twelve-year-old Rob looked so startled when Neil offered him a hand up. Rob reached out, hesitation written on his face back then.

In the present, Rob laced their fingers together without hesitation. Unable to help himself, Neil tugged him close for another kiss. Rob’s familiar taste and heat—Neil could never get enough of it. He pushed his tongue between Rob’s lips and Rob let him deepen the kiss.

“Ready to start our new lives?” Rob asked, panting when Neil pulled away.

They’d given Neil’s office plenty of things to gossip about.

Neil didn’t answer, merely pulled him close and they exited the office together, hands still linked.

The End

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Other Books by Angelique Voisen:

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