FIFTY SHADES of ALICE
THROUGH the
LOOKING GLASS

by
Melinda DuChamp

A Fairytale for Adults
Can You Prove It Didn’t Happen?

FIFTY SHADES OF ALICE IN WONDERLAND WAS JUST THE BEGINNING…

Eighteen-year-old Alice recently had an unprecedented erotic experience. But her adventures have only just begun to heat up.

NOW SHE MUST TRAVEL THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS…

After breaking up with her boyfriend, Lewis, Alice enters a strange fantasy world where every pleasure—no matter how kinky—is indulged.

INTO TOTAL ECSTASY!! WITH TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS!!

Alice is subjected to amorous escapades beyond her wildest dreams, and taken to the very limit of sexual endurance. During her carnal encounters with all manner of men and women, she is teased to tears by a bondage master, thoroughly used in a three way, enlightened to the sensual joys of a female touch, taken to a sex shop to test different erotic toys, given several very special piercings, and is dragged to the Hall of Denied Orgasms where she must fight the frumious Jabbercocky to save all of Looking Glass Land. And you know what we mean by “fight”…

This is for those with dark desires, who wish to explore erotic excess beyond the plain vanilla of everyday life. Follow Alice through the looking glass, if you dare…

Author Note

This is a humorous, erotic parody of Alice Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll, and contains adult situations which are not for children. It is meant to follow the structure of Carroll’s novel, and features a grown-up Alice and her grown-up adventures in a sexual Looking Glass Land. The first chapter sets up the story, introducing Alice and detailing how she began her quest. But if you want to get right to the good parts, click here.

Contents

CHAPTER 1. Looking Glass House

CHAPTER 2. The Garden of Live Flowers

CHAPTER 3. Looking Glass Insects

CHAPTER 4. Tweedledum And Tweedledee

CHAPTER 5. Wool and Water

CHAPTER 6. Humpty Dumpty

CHAPTER 7. The Lion and the Unicorn

CHAPTER 8. “It’s My Own Invention”

CHAPTER 9. Queen Alice

CHAPTER 10. Shaking

CHAPTER 11. Waking

CHAPTER 12. Which Dreamed It?

Chapter 1

Looking Glass House

One thing was certain, the white kitten had had nothing to do with it—it was the black kitten’s fault entirely. For Snowball had been having her face washed by the old cat for the last quarter of an hour (and bearing it pretty well, considering), so she couldn’t have had any hand in the mischief.

Alice held up the sexy halter dress she’d been planning to wear to her first real college fraternity party and studied the large, ugly snag right at boob level. “You had to play with this, didn’t you?” she scolded Creampie, the black kitten.

The kitten rolled around on her futon, as if he couldn’t care less, while the mother cat, Alice’s dear Felcher, finished with the white kitten’s bath.

Alice threw the ruined dress onto the floor and eyed her naked body in the full length mirror. She’d heard horror stories about the freshman fifteen—those extra pounds co-eds famously put on in their first year at college from too much fast food and beer—and she was adamant about not letting that happen to her. But lately, she couldn’t seem to prevent stuffing her face with chocolate, causing most of her sexiest clothes to no longer fit, and that was all Lewis’s fault.

She still couldn’t believe what she’d seen that morning after Lewis had stayed over. Alice had walked in the bathroom and—oh my dear—he’d been standing in front of the mirror wearing her frilliest, laciest, pinkest panties and stroking his stiff manhood through the silk.

“Lewis! You’re gay?” had been the only words that she’d been able to push through her lips.

Of course, he’d denied it, claiming he just found wearing pretty, girly things to be a turn-on. But she hadn’t believed it for a moment. Lewis—her Lewis—was obviously not interested in women other than their underwear, and so she’d broken up with him on the spot.

Now weeks later, Alice was horny as she could possibly be, and her dear little mischievous kitten had ruined her chance to go to her first frat party and find some sexual release. There was even a good chance that Lewis would be there, and she could never have him see her looking fat in clothes that didn’t fit, whether he was gay or not.

And all this because of a kitten.

Alice took a deep breath and decided not to think about the cats anymore, because that would be frightfully boring to read about. But sex, on the other hand, was always fun, so with this in mind, dear reader, she peered into her underwear drawer, and rather than selecting a bra and panties, she dug out a long cylindrical device from underneath the underthings.

The white rabbit.

Alice ran a finger from the base of the device, over the two ear-like stimulators, and up to the firm yet flexible tip. She’d once been told that sex is only partly about friction and bodily fluids. The majority of it takes place in the mind. If she had nothing decent to wear to the party, so be it. She would find her release right here.

Alice returned to the mirror and stared at her nakedness. Her breasts were full and high, being that she was only eighteen, and her nipples had already hardened into nubs, tingly with anticipation. She switched on the rabbit vibrator and began to circle each breast, the spiral growing tighter and tighter until the delicious pulsations caused her nipples to grow so erect and rigid, they cast shadows on the floor.

What would the frat boys think if she showed up at their party with breasts bared and nipples protruding as if begging to be sucked and teased?

What would Lewis think if she let the whole party of men fondle her?

The prospect of all that male attention focused on her made a delicious throb start between her legs.

Alice moved the head of the rabbit down, over her belly, tickling and teasing.

Lewis had shaved her secret garden, and even though she hadn’t had sex since the breakup, Alice had kept it smooth, though she wasn’t certain why. Now she sat on the edge of the futon and opened her thighs wide in front of the mirror.

Even though Lewis had seen her special place down there many times, Alice had never really had the occasion to look. Not completely. Not altogether. But now seeing herself spread open, she was somewhat fascinated with her delicate, pink folds, the shape of her clitoris, the deep mystery of her most private place.

What if she went to the party bare from the waist down? Or best yet, totally naked? Would the frat boys touch her and lick her? Would they all take off their own clothes, their masculinity hard and straining to plunge inside her?

A tremor built inside her loins. A hunger. A need.

Alice toyed with her opening, moving the vibrator around and around, but never really touching the place she wanted to touch most. Her nether lips glistened, her juices flowing in abundance, and when she finally nudged the rabbit between her folds, her need was so immediate she made a keening noise deep in the back of her throat. It filled her so completely, so utterly, and she felt the rotating beads undulate and brush against her G-spot with each gyration. Alice watched, shuddering, as she stretched open to accommodate the rabbit’s full length, imagining it wasn’t a sex toy, but instead a lover ravenous to satisfy her.

“Oh, yes,” she said to her fantasy man. “Yes. Harder.”

One stroke, then another, and Alice’s legs were already trembling.

“Do it harder. Just like that.”

Alice met her own thrusts, finding the rhythm she liked. She wanted so badly for this to be real, and not plastic and batteries. To be giving a man as much pleasure as she was receiving.

Then her hips started bucking, and she slid off the bed.

“Oh, heavens!” Alice exclaimed. Embarrassed, she glanced around, even though she knew no one but the kitties were watching.

Hmm. She eyed herself in the mirror, sitting on the floor, legs splayed and rabbit still buried inside. A dirty, wicked thought entered Alice’s head: What would it be like if someone really was watching her? Watching everything she was doing to herself?

Alice withdrew the device and climbed to her feet, the idea spinning through her mind and causing the excitement already thrumming within her to ripple over her skin. “If someone was watching me through the mirror, what would he like to see?” she asked no one in particular. “Would he like to see me do this?”

Alice leaned forward, letting her breasts sway in front of her, nipples lurid and inviting. She spread her legs wide and slipped the vibrator into her slick slot, angling from behind.

“Oh, yes. If someone was watching me through the looking glass, he would like this,” Alice said, even though she really couldn’t know. But Alice knew that she liked it, and when in the act of pleasuring oneself, that was the only thing that mattered.

“Would you like to see me come?” she asked the mirror.

She flipped the switch and the rabbit sprang to life (not literally, although that was not out of Alice’s realm of imagination). The hum electrified her, and for a few minutes, it was all she could do to keep her balance. But as she recovered, she began to move the device, pulling it out to her outer lips, then sinking it deep into her pleasure cave.

Out. In. Out. In.

Every time she went deep, the rabbit’s “ears” touched her most sensitive place, and every time they touched, she let out a little yip. The pressure built within her, bringing her close to what she wanted, close to the edge. Her hips started to thrust. Her breasts started to buck and swing. They swung faster and faster—

—and she spilled forward and fell through the looking glass.

Though she hardly knew how she had gotten there, Alice landed on her hands and knees on the cushy throw rug in the mirror image of her room.

“Oh my, that was athletic,” said a male voice.

“Quite so,” said another. “And she’s such a hottie.”

“My word, is that kind of position even allowed?” queried a woman.

“I’m sure it isn’t. I’ll consult my book,” said another woman in an authoritative voice that sounded as if she was scolding while looking down her nose.

Alice shook her head, trying to clear it, then she sat on her bare bottom and turned to face the voices. She was unsure of where she was, or how she’d gotten there, or who they were, but the thought that they’d been watching gave Alice a terrible thrill. The rabbit had somehow slipped out of her, leaving Alice throbbing with unresolved need.

But with all of these people in the room, Alice secretly hoped she wouldn’t need the rabbit anymore.

Two men sat at a small table in front of the mirror, staring at her, one wearing a red bathrobe and one dressed in white. Both were handsome and older, maybe even as ancient as their (gasp) forties or fifties, and both wore crowns on their slightly salt-and-pepper heads. A woman stood near them dressed in a white lace bra, garter belt, stockings and heels, her knees apart and her private place open for all to see. She wore a silver tiara atop her platinum blond updo, and on the table in front of them, a chess board was spread, the pieces poised mid-game.

Alice blinked her eyes, but when she opened them, the three were still there. “Are you—”

“Two kings and a queen? Why yes, we are, dear,” the woman finished for her.

Alice should have felt embarrassed, as any girl lying naked on the floor in front of strange royalty might. But her first thought beyond how in the world she’d fallen through the mirror, was how rare it was these days to see people playing that particular game.

“Are you playing chess?” she asked.

The kings glanced down at the chess board in front of them with confused expressions on their faces. “Of course not,” said the White King. “A chess game wouldn’t be all that interesting for a twenty-first century audience to read about. We were watching you masturbate through the mirror.”

The Red King nodded. “I loved when you bent forward at the waist and your tits bucked with each stroke.” He brushed aside his robe to reveal his erect manhood folded in one fist.

Even the White Queen nodded. “Yes dear, your tits are quite magnificent. Such perky nipples.”

Alice rubbed her eyes. Surely she must be dreaming. She couldn’t have fallen through a mirror; that wasn’t even believable in fairytales. But when she opened her eyes once again, the kings and queen were still there, only the Red Queen had joined them. And dressed in red leather pants and matching bustier, she was frowning something awful.

“The position you used was not approved,” she said.

Alice had no earthly idea what the queen was talking about. “The position—”

“You were leaning forward, showing off those jutting nipples and lush breasts of yours and plunging the vibrator in and out, in and out, in and out from behind. I’m afraid I can allow neither the leaning forward position nor the fantasy of men ogling your bare breasts through the looking glass.”

Alice glanced at the kings, who now both had spread open their robes and were holding their stiff shafts in hand, ogling her bare breasts.

“But that wasn’t a fantasy,” Alice explained. “The two kings really were watching me through the looking glass. They are watching me now.”

“We all are, dear,” said the White Queen, and she slid a hand between her legs and began to stroke the glistening wetness there.

The Red Queen shook her head severely. “I’m sorry. This won’t do. Only the ruling queen can decide which fantasies and positions are allowed on this side of the looking glass, and you’re not a queen at all.”

Alice scrambled to her feet, feeling very embarrassed, not from the nudity and the staring and the masturbation, but from the realization that she’d offended a royal; quite a horrific prospect indeed.

“I must apologize, Your Highness,” she said as she curtsied. “I didn’t mean to offend. Truly. I’m not familiar with the rules.”

The Red Queen’s frown faltered, then slid from her lips, replaced by a satisfied bow of a smile.

“Very well, then. I like a young woman who knows her place. I shall teach you the rules right now.”

She picked a thick, leather bound volume from a bookshelf, carried it to the table, and plopped it open, scattering chess pieces far and wide.

“Now here,” said the Red Queen, extending a long finger tipped with a ruby red nail, “are the acceptable positions.”

Alice and the two kings and White Queen gathered around her and peered down at the book.

“But your majesty,” Alice said. “There’s only one position here. The woman is lying down and the man is on top of her.”

“The missionary position,” said the Red King, nodding his head sadly.

Alice had heard of that name for it, and the position reminded her of the way she and Lewis used to make love before she’d learned many sexy lessons in Wonderland (now available exclusively for Kindle).

“Is that the only position acceptable?” Alice asked.

“There are others. Just look for yourself.”

Alice did, slowly turning the pages of the book. On each page, the couple was in the same exact position, the woman on the bottom and the man on the top. Only in one picture, the woman was raising one arm. In another, she was raising two arms. In a third, the man and woman were both raising an arm and holding hands. The fourth depicted the woman and man each raising an opposite arm. In the fifth, the woman was raising an arm and smiling.

“But except for a bunch of silly arm raising, they are doing exactly the same thing.”

“No,” the Queen scolded. “There is a different name for each position. That means each position is different. See? This is Missionary Holding One Hand. And this one is Missionary Kissing on the Cheek. And this one here is Missionary While Watching Lifetime For Women.”

Alice had to admit she thought the Red Queen was loopy, not that Alice would ever dream of saying that aloud. A queen is a queen, and since Alice wasn’t a queen, she couldn’t possibly disagree with authority.

“What about different positions?” Alice asked. “Such as the woman on top?”

The Red Queen frowned. “Forbidden.”

Alice looked at the other three royals, and noticed neither king was paying attention. Instead, they were staring intently at her nudity and stroking themselves. The White Queen wasn’t looking at the book either, instead winking at the White King every so often, pinching her nipples through the white lace bra, and smiling as if she had a glorious secret.

The Red Queen cleared her throat, bringing Alice’s attention back to her. “Forbidden positions have also been catalogued in this book, but it is forbidden to look at them.”

“Well, shouldn’t we be able to look at them so we can be sure we don’t do any of them?” Alice asked.

“The little tart has a point,” said the White King.

The Red Queen sighed dramatically. “Very well,” she said, flipping open the book. “This travesty here is called the Open Fire Hydrant.”

It was, indeed, and appropriate name for it.

“And this is, Camel In Repose.”

“I can sort of see the repose action,” Alice said, squinting, “but I don’t understand the camel reference.”

“It refers to the hump, dear,” said the White Queen. “There is also a two humped camel variation.”

“Also forbidden,” the Red Queen snapped. “And look at this nasty one; The Leaky Faucet. Just look at that mess they’re making.”

“Delightful,” the Red King said, though he said it in a very sad way.

The Red Queen seemed not to hear her husband. “Check out this abomination, The Spinning Noodle. I don’t see how that is even possible unless both partners are double jointed.”

Alice wasn’t sure it was possible either, but the explicit pictures were making her ache with desire. She wondered if it would be rude if she were to touch herself.

“Show her Reverse Layup with Happy Ending,” suggested the Red King.

“How about ER Visit?” suggested the White. “That one is quite a challenge.”

“We should stop this,” said the Red Queen, her face getting brighter than her outfit. “I have not approved those positions. And fantasizing about them is off limits, too.”

“Even fantasy is forbidden?” Alice asked. The Red Queen had mentioned that before, but Alice still found the idea shocking.

“I have forbidden everything I am uncomfortable with or don’t understand,” said the Red Queen. “Tolerance is a slippery slope to debauchery. Why, we wouldn’t want people strutting about, making love in any perverted way they please, would we?” she asked the other royals.

They grumbled a non-coherent reply.

“Am I allowed to touch myself?” Alice asked, her fingers eagerly anticipating the answer.

“Yes, of course you are,” the Red Queen said. “But only in bed at night, with all the lights out, and not for more than eight seconds.”

“Eight seconds?” Alice said. “But, that’s not long enough!”

“That’s all I need,” said the Red King, even though he was touching himself right that moment and had been doing so for far longer than eight seconds.

Alice was just about to point that out, when the White Queen gasped.

“Oh, my!” she said, walking to the window and peering outside. “Whatever shall we do?”

The Red Queen’s attention snapped around. “What’s wrong?” she demanded.

“I think there’s a problem in the courtyard, Red Queen. I believe they are all too bored to continue making love.”

“Take care of it.”

“As you wish,” said the White Queen and peeled off her bra, unleashing a very attractive pair of breasts with long, erect nipples.

“Not that way,” said the Red Queen. “You are far too much of a slut, White Queen. If it were up to you, all manner of fantasies and positions would be allowed, and then where would we be?”

“Having fun?” muttered the Red King.

“Tolerant of others?” whispered the White King.

“Harrumph!” sputtered the Red Queen. “We need order in Looking Glass Land. Only with order can we have conformity, and conformity, as we all know, is the only path to happiness. I’ll have to take care of things myself.”

And so she stormed out of the room, leaving Alice and the others with the book.

The White Queen sidled up to Alice, her breasts still bare, one nipple brushing lightly against Alice’s. “While she’s gone, let us look at more of the fun positions.”

She stared flipping through the book, while the kings ogled and stroked.

“What’s that position called?” Alice asked, pointing.

“Agonizing Cramps.”

“And that one with the one man and two young women?”

“Impending Divorce.”

“What are those three people doing?”

“Knot of Rectums.”

“And that single man, in the corner?”

“Frightened Virgin.”

“What’s that one called, where she has her legs up over his shoulders and her arms behind her in a twist?”

“Quadriplegia.”

“How about this one, where he puts it in her bottom while hitting her in the back with a rotten fish and calling her vulgar names in French?”

“Joyful Sunset.”

“And that woman on her knees, surrounded by eight men touching themselves?”

“Emergency Trip To The Hairdresser.”

“How about that man who has two other men in his hands?”

“Carpal Tunnel.”

“That woman over there, eating pie?”

“That’s an ad for Weight Watchers, dear.”

“Oh. How about those five old men, with all the girls climbing on them?”

“Aerosmith.”

“There certainly are a lot of banned positions,” Alice said. “How about this girl held upside down on the table, all greased up with lard?”

“Impending Lawsuit.”

“The man who has the rope around his neck while he’s touching himself?”

“Cautionary Tale. It’s also known as Dead on Arrival and Twitter Meme.”

“How about that woman with her whole fist in her mouth?”

“I have no idea,” said the White Queen. She turned to the White King. “Do you know the name of this position?”

“Can’t say I do, but her boyfriend is one lucky bastard.”

The White Queen turned to a new picture, a position like Alice had never imagined in her wildest dreams.

“I can’t believe THAT!” said Alice.

“Can’t you?” the White Queen said in a pitying tone. “Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.”

Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,” she said: “one can’t make love in such an impossible position.”

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the White Queen. “When I was your age, I always did that for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I tried as many as six impossible sex positions before breakfast.”

Alice studied the photo again. She’d have to think about that, and even as she did, standing there with the kings and queen, she could feel the ache between her legs grow stronger.

“If I were you, dear, I’d get out of here while she’s gone.”

Alice snapped out of her reverie. “Gone? Who?”

“The Red Queen,” said the Red King.

The White Queen nodded. “We’re having a swinging party, and you don’t want to be part.”

“A swinging party?” Alice said. She glanced around the room but saw no swings. Perhaps they were in the garden. “I love parties.”

“Not this one, you won’t,” said the White King with a sigh.

“Why not? Are the swings outside?”

“There are no swings, dear, although sex swings are delightful fun.”

“Yes, they are,” said the Red King with a sigh.

“How do you have a swinging party with no swings?”

“A swinging party, my dear, is a party where couples gather and have sex with other couples.”

Well Alice wasn’t a couple, not since she broke up with Lewis, but the idea of the swinging party sounded naughtily enchanting. “And I can’t join, because I’m not part of a couple?”

“Oh, you can join,” said the Red King.

“We’d love to have you join,” said the White King.

“It would be wonderful to have you, my dear,” said the White Queen. “Attractive and charming women such as yourself are welcome at virtually any swinger’s party. You don’t need to be part of a couple.”

“I find the three of you to be attractive and charming, too. So why shouldn’t I love this swinger’s party?”

“Because my dear, at a swinger’s party on this side of the looking glass, we must all follow the Red Queen’s rules.”

Alice pictured that for a moment. Missionary position. No fantasies allowed. “Oh, I see. But can’t we change the rules?”

The White Queen slowly shook her head. “I’m afraid the ruling queen gets to set the rules for fantasy and sex on this side of the looking glass.”

“Funny,” mused Alice. “On my side of the looking glass, fundamentalist religion does that. Although most people only pretend to be pious, so enforcing their rules is not all that successful most of the time.”

“I say we all try to jump through the looking glass!” said the White King, throwing a fist in the air.

“I say we get in a quickie before the Red Queen gets back,” said the Red King, rubbing his stiff member against Alice’s thigh and cupping one of her breasts and one of the White Queen’s in each hand.

“What do you think we should do, Alice?” asked the White Queen.

“Well,” Alice said, wrinkling her brow. “I don’t rightly know. Should I even have a say?”

“Everyone should have a say,” said the White King.

“But you are all royalty. I’m just plain, regular Alice.”

“There’s only one answer to this problem,” the White Queen said.

All three turned to look at her; Alice and the two kings.

“Alice has to become a queen.”

If there was something she could say that would have shocked Alice more, Alice didn’t know what it was. “A queen? Me?”

“Certainly!” said the White Queen. “You’d make a fabulous queen.”

“Yes, you would,” said the White King, lowering his head to suckle Alice’s nipple.

“Yes, you would,” said the Red King, now behind her and probing between her legs with his rigid manhood.

“Yes, you would,” said the White Queen, dropping down to her knees and preparing to lick between Alice’s thighs. “You just need to have an open mind.”

“That’s all I need to become a queen?”

The White Queen toyed with Alice, using the tip of her tongue. “That’s all you need.”

“I daresay, you have the rest of the requirements already,” said the Red King, rubbing his hardness over her bottom and between her legs as if coating himself with her nectar.

A thrill swept over Alice, the physical pleasure of three people making love to her, and the delight of imagining that she was a queen.

She would have a crown, of course, or maybe a tiara of diamonds. And she would wear beautiful dresses and attend parties and everyone in her kingdom would adore her.

“Please, can you take it in your hand?” the White King asked, stroking her fingers with his stiff rod.

Alice was very anxious to be of use, so she gripped his member in her palm and started working up and down over his rigid length, soft skin and prominent ridge.

“Oh, yes.”

She felt a pressure behind at her opening, and tilted her bottom upward in response.

The Red King’s fat member slid into the hungry wetness of her enchanted tunnel. He gripped her hips and delved deep, just like she’d done with the rabbit, just like she’d imagined a man doing when she was watching herself in the mirror.

The White King took one of her nipples between his teeth, giving her a gentle nibble. He cupped both breasts in his hands, massaging and kneading and making Alice feel wonderfully thrilling sensations while he pumped his shank into her tight fist.

“Your tits are so hot, Alice,” he said. “I want to spill my essence all over your nipples.”

Alice had never heard of such a thing, but it sounded interesting all the same. Perhaps it was something reserved for royalty; something she could try once she’d opened her mind enough to become a royal herself. Maybe some of those pretty, queenly dresses she’d wear would be designed to leave her breasts bare, for just such an occasion.

“The rest of you is hot too, Alice,” muttered the White Queen between licks, and her enthusiasm rippled through Alice in trembling waves.

“I’ll say!” The Red King bellowed, taking another deep plunge. “Alice has the hottest box in Looking Glass Land!”

Alice wasn’t sure if it was polite to say thank you to such compliments or not. But truly, the more the kings and queen licked her and teased her and explored her and thrust into her, the hotter she felt, and the more queenly.

The White King had just started making loud grunting sounds and the Red King had just settled into a driving rhythm and the White Queen had just slathered Alice’s sex trigger with a good, fat lick of ecstasy when a voice cut the room.

“This is NOT an approved position!”

The White Queen fell back on her haunches. The Red King pulled out of Alice’s special place. The White King reluctantly gave her nipples one last tweak, and then they left Alice to face the Red Queen’s wrath.

“Leave this party at once!” she shouted.

Alice cowered away. “I’m so ever sorry, Your Highness.”

“Don’t sorry me. I was going to invite you to our very proper party, only to discover that you—with those perky nipples and shaved special place—are a troublemaker. To the courtyard with you! There you will learn the simple joys of Missionary While Cross Stitching and Missionary With Eyes Closed Hoping It Ends Soon.”

“But the mirror is my only way back home,” Alice said, backing up. Although if she was honest, she didn’t want to go home, not just that minute. She wanted The Red King to be thrusting inside her, and the White Queen to be licking her, and the White King to anoint her nipples with his essence. But of course, she couldn’t say any of that to the Red Queen.

“To the courtyard, or I will have you arrested and taken to the HDO!”

The two kings and the White Queen gasped in unison.

Alice didn’t like the sound of that, whatever it was. So naked and aroused and totally unsatisfied, she dashed from the room.

Chapter 2

The Garden of Live Flowers

Alice raced through the house, not wanting to be arrested. Not that she was all that excited about going to the courtyard where only the missionary position was allowed, but Alice feared what would happen if she disobeyed the fearsome Red Queen, whom Alice feared quite fearily. Fear fear fear!

So for the courtyard she ran, seeing the patio door in the distance, and tripping over a book that had been placed conveniently in the middle of the floor for the purposes of this plot. Rubbing a stubbed toe, Alice picked up the doorstopper of a tome, cursing that the royals in this house still hadn’t adopted ebooks, which wouldn’t have stubbed her toe nearly as bad, or even at all. On the cover of the book was a strange word in a language Alice didn’t know.

YKCOCREBBAJ

She puzzled over this until she realized, “Duh! It’s a looking glass book! If I hold it up to a mirror, I can read it the right way!”

But Alice didn’t even attempt it, because upon opening the book she saw lines of prose that looks suspiciously like quatrains and stanzas, which meant it was a book of poetry.

Alice despised poetry. She found it to be the most self-indulgent, most useless, most boring type of art. She’d rather watch a meth-addled performance artist scream incoherently about Martians while throwing rotten eggs at the audience than read poetry. Especially old poetry, and the copyright on this book said 1871. That sealed the deal that she would never, never, never, no way, no how, read this poetry book, because everyone knows nothing worthwhile was written before 1970, which was when Judy Blume released Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Everything prior to that was boring and stuffy and full of itself.

“I’m not going to read this,” Alice said. “Never, never, never, no way, no how.”

Then she opened it up and held it up to a mirror and began to read. After all, how was Alice supposed to open her mind, as the White Queen said, when she refused to even open a book?

JABBERCOCKY

’Twas horcky in the HDO,
Beased so long they mersycried,
Empty was the bordello,
Tolerance had up and died.

Beware the Jabbercock, my girl!
The pole that jabs the secret patch!
Torment shall make her toesies curl,
She was so shunned, they bandersnatch.

A soul condemned to face the beast,
By missionench, so crimson mean,
But pleasure fiftyfold increased,
Made her then the Golden Queen.

The Jabbercock shall masturbate,
Poor Golden Queen with fiendish chode,
But she shall rise and liberate,
And jabbing pole shall overload!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
Until the machilit the smoke,
The souls condemned, they came and flew,
While Golden Queen BJ’ed her bloke.

Freedom rang in Kingdom high!
Snowballing and hot bukkake!
Gokkun, felching, and creampie!
Queen shall wed the panty jockey!

’Twas horcky in the HDO,
Beased so long they mersycried,
Empty was the bordello,
Tolerance had up and died.

“Well,” Alice said. “That was awful.”

She tossed the book aside. Not only did it make zero sense, with all of its made-up words, but there was a smarminess to it that reminded Alice of grammar school, being condescended to by an underpaid teacher’s aide who would have rather been travelling through Europe than dealing with children.

“Knight!” The Red Queen screamed from the other room.

Alice didn’t wait to hear the rest but ran out the patio door and onto a stone courtyard littered with small beds. On each of the beds, reclined a naked woman, and on top of each naked woman was a timidly thrusting man.

Alice even recognized some of the positions from the Red Queen’s book. One couple doing missionary was doing it with their faces together: Missionary Touching Foreheads. The next were holding hands: Missionary With Hands Held. Another watched a TV show about a woman dying of cancer who was being stalked by her boyfriend after her daughter who needed a kidney transplant was kidnapped: Missionary While Watching Lifetime For Women.

Alice stood and stared at the copulations for a few minutes, unsure what to do. It was a titillating scene, to be sure, and Alice felt like she should be aroused by it. After the Red King’s quick exit from her love cave, The White King’s final tweak of her nipples, and the White Queen’s forced abandonment of Alice’s pleasure folds, Alice was feeling rather lustful. Maybe as long as she watched the missionary position with its endless variety of arm raising and other nonsense, it would be within the rules for her to touch herself.

She tried cupping her breasts in her hands and teasing her nipples. She tried spreading her legs and massaging her most sensitive spot. She tried walking closer to the couples. She tried standing on one foot. She even tried out some arm raising of her own. But nothing seemed to work. Watching these obviously bored couples going through the motions without even making a peep was depressing, not arousing. Alice wished she had her rabbit vibrator, but that damn thing seemed to disappear on a regular basis.

“Psst!” someone said from beyond a hedge. “The garden is more beautiful from up here on the hill.”

Alice turned in that direction, but she couldn’t see anyone.

“Psst!” Came the voice again. “If you don’t get out of there quickly, you’ll be planted in one of those beds for sure.”

“Who said that?” Alice asked. “The tree?”

“Trees don’t talk, dumb ass. Hurry up!”

Alice took one last glance at the fornicating people, none of whom was looking to be having an enjoyable time at all, and then she scampered through a gap in the hedge and down a twisty-turny path until a green lawn opened in front of her. Lounging on the lawn were three nude women, one with dark skin, orange hair and tiger stripes tattooed all over her body, reaching down to the sculpted hair around her special place; one with pale pink hair, voluptuous curves and glittering rings piercing lush rosy nipples; and one with her brunette hair tied in pigtails and her shockingly fair body looking fresh as dew in the morning.

Alice glanced around, but there were no beds here, no missionary position, not even any men.

“What is this place?” she asked the women.

“We’re the wild flowers.”

Now this made no sense to Alice. “I’m afraid I don’t understand. Although the three of you are beautiful, you’re not flowers. Not literally.”

“Sure we are,” said the orange one with tiger stripes. “I’m Lily.”

“And I’m Rose,” said the pink woman with the lavish breasts.

The last, who looked delicate and sweet and the same precise age as Alice (because, of course, the youngest she could possibly be in this book is eighteen), giggled. “I’m Daisy,” she said with a southern twang.

“I’m Alice. So you are flowers because you have flower names.”

“Now you’re just stating the obvious,” said Lily.

Alice frowned. She hated being scolded, even by exotic-looking naked women. But scolding, as much as Alice detested it, always made her want to try harder. So try harder, she did. “And you’re wild, because you have colored hair and tattoos?”

“I don’t have colored hair or tattoos,” said Daisy.

“Then why are you wild flowers?”

“We’re the ones lucky enough to escape the beds,” said Lily with a naughty wink.

“Oh, I get it. Flower beds.”

“Yes,” said Rose, “Violet, Dahlia, Iris, Pansy, and Marigold are all stuck in the beds, following the Red Queen’s rules.”

“So you don’t follow the rules?” asked Alice, a wicked thrill making her nipples tighten.

“Of course not,” said Lily, who seemed to be the leader. “We’re wild, after all.”

Alice already liked this place much better than the courtyard of beds. “So you can do anything in any position and follow your sexual fantasies?”

“We certainly can,” said Rose, and as if to prove it, she began to play with her abundant breasts, pulling and twisting the sparkly rings until her nipples jutted out from her pillowy areolas, more erect than any nipples Alice had ever seen, even the White Queen’s.

Now Alice had always found women’s curves to be beautiful—they were the subjects of paintings and sculpture, after all. But never in a million years did she dream she would find another woman’s breasts this arousing. The sheer lavishness of Rose’s made her want to touch them, to suckle them, to caress them with her own.

And it wasn’t just Rose’s, she realized. Lily’s breasts were much smaller, but perfectly rounded and firm. Her nipples were tight as well, jutting hard like bullets, dark against Lily’s rich, chocolate skin.

And then there was Daisy, hers white and pure, her areolas pink and delicate, nipples perky.

And as Alice drank in the variety of mammary beauty, she found herself fondling her own. Her mounds were larger than Daisy’s or Lily’s, yet half the size of Rose’s plush curves. But they had a firmness that felt good in her palms, and she’d liked the weight of them bouncing when the Red King had thrust into her. Alice’s nipples tingled, and she played with them while recalling the lovemaking. The yearning within her reached a fever pitch.

“You like looking at tits, Alice?”

Alice flushed a little. “I suppose I was staring. I apologize.”

“No need,” said Rose. She rose to her feet and stepped close to Alice. “But there are some things more fun than staring. Like touching. Would you like to massage mine, Alice?”

Alice looked at those sumptuous breasts, the soft, puffy, cloud-like areolas and prominent nipples just inches from her own. Rose was wearing some sort of lotion that glistened like vegetable oil, and Alice couldn’t help wondering if Rose’s breasts would feel slippery if Alice stuck out her chest, leaned forward and pressed hers to them.

Sweat bloomed on Alice’s skin, and wet heat pooled between her thighs. She pulled her gaze away, not sure where to look.

Lily and Daisy stood and stepped close to her, as well. Now wherever Alice directed her eyes, there were soft mounds to touch and erect nipples begging to be licked and sucked and…

“Um… Are there any men around?”

Lily smiled slyly. “Have you ever rubbed your tits against another woman’s nipples, Alice?”

Alice’s throat felt dry, and to her horror, her nipples tingled, hard and erect at the thought.

“Um… I like it when men suck my nipples. Especially when another man is thrusting into me from behind.”

Rose arched her back and brushed her prominent nipples against Alice’s as the White Queen had done earlier. Only the White Queen had not been wearing jewelry, and the addition of the silver rings embedded with diamonds made a shiver ripple over Alice’s whole body and zing straight to the core of her femininity.

“You liked that, didn’t you, Alice?” asked Rose and rubbed against Alice again, and her skin was indeed slippery.

An involuntary moan issued from Alice’s lips. She had to get ahold of herself. “I like it when men…”

“You sure talk about men-folk a lot,” said Daisy, as she dipped her delicate fingers into the V between Alice’s thighs, making her gasp. “And yet, you are mighty wet. Mighty wet.”

“Do our tits turn you on, Alice?” Lily took Alice’s hand and cupped it over a tattooed breast. Her nipple poked between Alice’s fingers.

Alice rolled it with her fingertips despite herself. “I’m… I’m not gay.”

“Well, bless your heart. You don’t have to be gay, Alice.” Daisy slid her finger against one side of Alice’s clitoris, then the other, sending powerful tremors through Alice’s body.

“She’s right, you know, Alice.” Lily slid a hand under Alice’s bottom and skated a finger inside her pleasure tunnel. “You just have to enjoy yourself.”

“Are you enjoying yourself, Alice dear?” asked Rose, pressing her bodacious breasts firmly against Alice’s and gliding her nipples up and down.

Alice was confused… and incredibly turned on… which confused her even more. “But if I enjoy myself, doesn’t that mean I’m gay?”

“Well, I’m gay,” said Daisy.

“And I’m gay,” said Rose. “Is there a problem with that?”

“No,” Alice said, and for the first time, she really thought about that question and what she was feeling, and realized that was really how she felt.

Could it be that she had accused Lewis of being gay when really it was her who was a lesbian all along? “I guess I have to be gay then,” she concluded aloud.

“You don’t have to be anything,” said Lily. “We are what we are. There shouldn’t be a have to.”

“But I’m having sex with three women,” said Alice. “So I must be a lesbian, right?”

“I’m not a lesbian,” said Lily. “I enjoy both men and women. If anything, I’m more partial to a good, stiff cock. But I’d say I’m pansexual.”

“What do you mean? You’re turned on by pots and pans?”

Lily laughed. “I’m attracted to all people, regardless of gender. I just like sex. Giving and receiving pleasure. Perhaps you’re like that as well.”

Now Alice was really sweating and throbbing and tingling. She was also still confused. “So I can like both playing with your nipples and having sex with a man?”

“You can like anything you want, Alice. Just as you should be tolerant of what others like.”

And Alice couldn’t argue with that, but truth be told, she couldn’t argue with anything right then, with Rose’s nipples stroking hers, Daisy toying with her sensitive nubbin, and Lily plunging two fingers into her special place. Alice was unable to focus on anything but how good she felt.

Except, maybe, that she wanted to make the others feel good, too.

She ran her hand down Lily’s belly and over the pubic hair sculpted with tiger stripes.

“Now you’re getting the idea,” cooed Lily and spread her legs.

Lily was as wet as Alice, and as Alice slid her fingers over her stiff clitoris and dipped into her garden of delight, she felt a thrill that she must have excited these three as much as they’d excited her.

Next she lowered her mouth to one of Rose’s generous nipples and ran her tongue over the stiff peak.

“Oh, honey,” Rose said on a breath.

Alice suckled and licked and massaged the full mounds.

Daisy dropped to her knees and began to lick Alice in the precious spot where Daisy’s fingers first had fondled. And between Rose in her mouth, her fingers inside Lily, and Daisy lapping at her center of desire, Alice’s legs started to shake. “Oh my,” she exclaimed around Rosie’s big breast. “I think I might fall.”

And all four began to giggle and laugh.

“Have you ever tasted a woman, Alice?” Daisy drawled, smiling up at her, lips and chin glistening with Alice’s juices.

“No,” Alice answered politely. Just a short time ago, she would have been flabbergasted at the idea, but now it was sounding like something she’d like to try. “May I?”

And Daisy reclined in the grass and spread her pale legs wide to the bright afternoon sun. She was shaved smooth, just like Alice, and in her center emanated the most delightful golden gleam.

“What is that?” Alice asked.

Lily laughed. “Why don’t you kneel down and find out?”

So Alice did, and she discovered Daisy’s womanhood was pierced like Rose’s nipples, but the jewelry adorning Daisy was as golden as the center of a… well, a daisy.

“Daisy has a piercing. It makes the clitoris more sensitive,” Rose explained. “The same as the jewelry in my nipples.”

“Taste her,” Lily urged.

So Alice lowered her head to Daisy and ran a fat lick over the petal of soft skin. Daisy moaned, her hips shuddering.

Did I do that? Alice thought. She licked again, and Daisy cried out, even louder.

“Do it gently at first,” Lily told her. “Then harder as she gets closer to coming.”

“How will I know?” Alice asked.

Lily smiled. “Oh, you’ll know. Also, lift that luscious little bottom in the air. I have something for you.”

Alice did as instructed. She tongued Daisy softly, making her mewl like her kitten, Creampie, did when she was hungry. Daisy’s nectar turned on Alice something fierce, and she was surprised how much she liked the taste. So wet and hot, with a tiny bit of tang. Alice licked her up and down, and then side to side, and then made little circles around the gold ring.

Rose lay down next to them, bringing her hands first to Daisy’s breasts, then to Alice’s, rubbing and tugging and pinching.

Daisy clutched Alice’s head, her hips bucking. “Oh yes,” she moaned. “Yesssssss.”

“Do it harder!” Lily said. “And stick your butt out!”

Alice began to tongue Daisy with more pressure, using her chin and lips as well. She worked the clit ring, tugging it this way and that, sucking it into her mouth over and over as fast as she could.

“Give it to her!” Alice heard someone yell. It was a man, his voice coming from the garden. She stopped just long enough to look up on the ridge, and saw several of the couples had stopped their missionary sex and had gotten out of bed to stare at Alice and the wildflowers. The men were tugging on their members mercilessly, and the women were fingering themselves, their eyes wet with lust.

Then Alice screamed, for a man had penetrated her from behind just as Rose pinched Alice’s nipples. It was stiff and thick and filled her up so completely and wonderfully. She turned to thank the man for doing her such a nice favor, and saw it wasn’t a man at all. Lily was behind Alice, wearing a pair of black leather underwear that had a rubber dildo in the front.

“Strap-on,” Lily said, pounding into Alice. She brought her fingers to Alice’s clit, matching the stroke of her hips. “Finish off Daisy.”

Alice buried her face in Daisy, wanting to devour her, each stroke of her tongue matching the thrust of Lily’s hips. Daisy began to scream, and Lily had been right—Alice knew she was coming. She pushed two fingers inside Daisy’s slot, jamming them in and out as she continued to lick, feeling her own wave cresting as Lily pounded into her.

“OH MY GOD!” cried Daisy, grabbing Alice’s hair, pressing up into her as spasms shook her whole body. And then Alice was screaming as well, deep in her throat as Rose pulled her nipples and the crowd above cheered and applauded.

“Change positions!” Lily yelled.

While still in the throes of orgasm, Alice was pulled off of Daisy and flipped onto her shoulders, her hips held up in the air as Lily continued her thrusting. Alice watched Lily’s breasts bounce with each plunge, then stared, wide eyed, her mouth open in ecstasy, at the ridge where the people watched. Two men continued to furiously pull on their long shafts, their hands blurry, but several couples had returned to their beds, or the hedges, or the grass, making love in different positions with vigor and throaty lust, even as their eyes continued to devour Alice and the flowers on the hill.

Then Alice’s view of her audience was blocked as Rose lowered herself onto Alice’s mouth. Alice immediately began to lick her and nibble on her, putting her hands on Rose’s hips to pull her closer. Rose was extremely wet, and tasted sweeter than Daisy, coating Alice’s face as she ground against her.

Somehow, Alice’s hips stayed elevated, Lily continuing to drive into her, and then another feeling joined it.

A tongue. A glorious, ravenous tongue.

As Lily made love to Alice with the strap-on, Daisy had moved her face to where they were joined, and Lily gave her enough space to lap at Alice’s clitoris while she was being thrust into.

Rose reached down, seeking Alice’s tender nipples, riding Alice’s tongue with a frenzy. She began to groan, and then her thighs locked around Alice’s neck and for a moment Alice thought she might smother, and somehow that made what Lily and Daisy were doing even more exciting, and Alice climaxed a second time, screaming into Rose.

Then Daisy abruptly pulled back. “The Queen, she’s coming! I can hear her footsteps!”

And all three women moved away from Alice, leaving her squirming and confused on the grass. When she was able to get her bearings, Alice saw the Queen was staring down at them. Only she wasn’t wearing red leather. Instead she sported a white garter belt, stockings and shoes, her breasts and special place still bare for the world to see. And in her hand, she held a bundle tied with a bow.

The White Queen.

Alice blew out a breath of relief, and then began to tremble uncontrollably.

“I see you’ve opened your mind a bit, Alice,” said the White Queen, smiling at Alice and the other three naked women in turn. “That’s a good start. You’re on your way to becoming a queen.”

Alice could feel the three wild flowers staring at her. She managed to sit up, with help from Rose and Daisy.

It was Lily who spoke first. “You’re going to become a queen?”

Alice blew out a big breath. “I’m… um… trying my best to open my mind so I can.”

Then the three wildflowers, and the Queen as well, jumped up and down with an oddly out of place cheer that would have been more at home in a sex movie aimed at teenaged boys than an erotic fairy tale like this. And when the White Queen’s breasts had stopped bouncing, she handed Alice the package she carried.

“A gift for you.”

“Thank you.” Alice unwrapped the package, hoping it was a pair of thigh high boots to make her legs and bottom look marvelous. Instead, it was clothing.

“Thank you,” Alice said.

Alice wasn’t sure what kind of clothing, exactly, but Lily, Rose, and Daisy were already dressing her.

“There,” Lily said. “All done.”

Alice looked at her new outfit. The white blouse and short, plaid skirt made her feel as if she’d just stepped out of an adult Japanese anime, only her hair wasn’t blue. Her pumps were, though, and they almost glowed next to her crisp white ankle socks.

Well, at least the outfit covered most of her bare bottom, and except for being very thin fabric, the blouse covered her nipples. That was better than she’d done in Wonderland.

“Now you’d better go,” said the White Queen. “The Red Queen is bound to come out any minute to check what positions are being used, and I’d like to slip in a little fun before she does, if you know what I mean.” And with a wink, the White Queen walked back down the path and disappeared behind the hedge.

Alice glanced this way and that, unsure what to do next. “So which way does one go to open her mind?” she asked the three.

“You should go into the Sunny Bunny Fun Field of Happiness. I bet you could open your mind there.” Rose answered.

“Where is that?”

Lily extended one arm in a point. “Through the hedge, there’s a path. Go to a fork, and make sure you go left, not right.”

“What’s right?”

“Dreadful Famine Disease Povertyland.” Daisy supplied.

“That does sound dreadful,” Alice said.

Daisy shrugged. “Everyone has their kinks.”

“Goodbye, Alice,” Lily said. “It’s been a lot of fun.”

The women all shared a warm hug, and then Alice was once again on her way.

Chapter 3

Looking Glass Insects

Feeling tingly all over, Alice walked through a grassy field so green it looked artificially dyed. The ground seemed to suck onto the heels of her blue pumps with every step, and her tight outfit, though flattering, wasn’t very warm. The gentle breeze kicked up under her plaid skirt and tickled Alice between her legs. She shivered, feeling her nipples harden under her white blouse, and she looked down and saw their stark outline through the thin fabric.

“It was kind of the Queen to give me these clothes, but they are rather revealing,” Alice thought.

Unsure of where to go, Alice walked up a gentle slope and peered down into a valley filled with bright daisies, lush apple trees, and brightly colored birds singing playfully. She felt as if she’d stepped into a Disney cartoon.

“I half-expect the animals to start talking,” she said to a fat bumble bee as it buzzed past her nose.

“Fuck off,” said the bee.

Alice pouted at the insult. “Why, I never!”

“That’s not what I’ve heard, you little slut,” the bee said.

Alice thought about swatting the unpleasant insect, but realized it might sting her. Or worse, call her more names. So instead she continued to walk into the valley of the Sunny Bunny Fun Field of Happiness, and eventually came upon a rugged-looking man sitting under a tree. He wore peasant’s clothing: a tan shirt, open at the chest, which appeared to be made of some rough material like burlap, and brown pants with a hole in the right knee, their cuffs tucking into black boots. Though the clothes appeared roughhewn, they were very clean, and the man looked comfortable in them. He had shoulder length black hair, in need of a comb, and a face in need of a shave. He was playing with a Rubik’s Cube, and had managed to complete both the red and the green sides.

“Hello,” Alice said.

The man glanced up at her, but rather than make eye-contact, he seemed to be focusing up her skirt.

“That’s rather rude,” she said, placing a hand between her legs to hide from his stare.

“What is?” he asked.

“Staring at my private parts.”

“If you didn’t want me to stare, why didn’t you put on panties?”

Alice frowned. “I don’t have any.”

“That proves you want people to stare. You don’t even have any panties to put on. How about you stand over me right now, let me have a nice, long look?”

Alice felt herself blush at the suggestion, and a wicked part of her almost wanted to do it. But she didn’t even know who this man was.

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” he asked.

Alice chewed her lower lip.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, you know. Your womanhood is quite beautiful.”

Alice felt the aforementioned womanhood grow warmer. “Really?”

“Like a big, pink flower.”

“A flower?” Alice said, and she giggled thinking about Lily, Rose, and Daisy. She supposed the description made some sense, although before now, she never would have described it that way.

“Yes. I bet it smells nice, too. I think it would look perfect on a book cover.”

“Well, thank you, I suppose. But I doubt that will ever happen.”

“You never know,” the man said, offering his hand. “I’m Gnat.”

“Nat?”

“No. Gnat. With a silent G. Short for Gnathan. And you are?”

Alice took his hand, “I’m Alice.”

Gnat’s hands were rough with calluses but pleasantly warm.

“What brings you to the Sunny Bunny Fun Field of Happiness, Alice?”

“I’m looking for…” Alice chose her words carefully. “An open mind.”

“I could help with that,” Gnat said, lips turning up into a bright smile.

“Really?”

“Really. And it will give me a break from this.” He held up the Rubik’s Cube. “This puzzle is like a penis, you know.”

“How so?”

“The more you play with it, the harder it gets.”

Alice giggled. “Well, Gnat, I think I’d enjoy that.”

“The puzzle? Or my offer to open your mind?”

“Your offer, Nat.”

“Gnat. The G is silent.”

“Gnat,” Alice said.

“Well, then, lie down next to me and we’ll begin.”

Gnat released her hand and patted the ground, inviting Alice to have a seat. She did, and the grass was soft and cool under her bare bottom. Her imagination ran amok with the possibilities of what Gnat might do.

“What next?” Alice asked, tilting up her chin and expecting to be kissed.

Instead of kissing her, Gnat reached into a leather satchel and removed a coiled up length of clothesline.

“I’m going to tie you up. Have you been bound before, Alice?”

Alice nodded, her nether parts becoming tingly at the memory.

“Some people like to be bound and then spanked, or caned.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Alice said, not admitting she’d tried that herself with a certain degree of enjoyment.

“But I’m not really into that. I’m into something else.”

“What?” she asked, genuinely curious.

“I’ll show you.” Gnat held out the rope. “May I?”

Alice nodded. Gnat didn’t undress her. Or kiss her. Or even talk. He laid her gently down on her back, and then began winding the rope around her body in an intricate design. Gnat was so focused on this, that Alice felt more like she was posing for a portrait than engaging in some kind of sexual activity. Just as her interest was beginning to wane, Gnat bent her legs and fastened her ankles to her thighs, exposing her delicate parts. Gnat then tied her thighs so they were wide open.

“Okay,” Gnat said. “Try to get away.”

Alice had been in bondage before, but never this elaborate or constricting. She had very little freedom of movement. Her arms, hands, shoulders, waist, and legs were all so thoroughly wrapped up she practically felt swaddled.

“I can’t,” Alice said, straining to wiggle. “I can’t move at all.”

Gnat smiled, then bent down and gave her the sweetest, most tender kiss on the lips. Alice sighed, giving in to it, his soft tongue making her whole body seem to melt.

“It is so exciting to see you like this,” he said. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Beautiful?” Alice was dubious. “I must look like a fly in a spiderweb.”

“Your helplessness is beautiful,” Gnat said. “For example, what if I were to do this?”

Gnat trailed his hand downward, touching her lightly between the legs. He drew a slow outline around her femininity with a single finger. After a complete circle, Gnat pressed lightly on Alice with his full palm and twisted it lightly, causing a most pleasant sensation.

“Oh, my,” Alice said.

“See what I mean? I can touch you like this, and you can’t do a thing to stop me.”

The last thing Alice was considering was trying to stop him, but since her position was compromised she knew it was important to establish the rules of this game.

“Shouldn’t I have a safeword?” she asked.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Alice. I promise.”

“But what if I want you to let me go?”

“Is that what you want?” Gnat asked. His palm moved up, and his fingers slipped between her folds, entering her.

Alice answered with a gasp. She was beginning to understand what a turn-on being helpless was. Instead of resisting, Alice raised her hips so he could penetrate her deeper and reach her G-spot.

Surprisingly, Gnat withdrew his hand completely, and instead began lightly rubbing the inside of her thigh, nowhere near her sensitive parts.

“Please,” Alice whispered. “Touch me.”

Gnat brought his hand back, and began stroking her lightly. His touch was so delicate that it almost felt like a tongue. Alice moved her hips as best she could, however the ropes didn’t allow for much leeway. But even though he was taking his time, Gnat knew exactly what he was doing. He began stroking her outer lips, then the more sensitive inner ones, making his finger slick with her juices. Then he slowly circled inward until he hit her most sensitive spot. Gnat took it in his fingers and wiggled his hand, sending a shock of pleasure through Alice just as intense as her vibrator. She cried out, the pleasure cresting as he eased two fingers inside of her and began to work them in and out.

“You’re so sexy, Alice. So beautiful and sexy.”

Alice began to pant. Her hips had taken on a mind of their own, thrusting at Gnat’s fingers as if trying to capture them.

“Do you like this, Alice?”

“Yes,” she said, closing her eyes and concentrating on the building pleasure.

“How about this?”

He put a third finger inside her, while his other hand continued to tug on her clitoris, and Alice felt the orgasm coming up so fast that she began to cry out—

Then Gnat withdrew his hands completely, leaving her bucking and humping the empty air.

“Please!” Alice pleaded. “I’m so close!”

But Gnat’s hands had moved up to her breasts. He pinched and pulled at her hard nipples through the thin material of her blouse. While that felt wonderful, he was neglecting the part that would take her over the edge, and she tried to thrust her hips at Gnat, desperate to touch any part of him at all.

“Do you like me playing with your nipples?” he asked, rolling them around in his fingers. “They seem especially sensitive.”

“They are,” Alice said, unable to swallow.

“When I touch them, does it make the heat between your legs worse?”

She bit her lower lip. “Yes.”

“Would you like me to stroke both at the same time?”

“Oh, yes.”

Gnat continued to rub her nipple, and then once again put his hand on Alice’s womanhood. But his touch was too soft. Too slow. Alice wanted it faster. Harder. And whenever she tried to press against him, he withdrew.

“This…” she said, quickly becoming out of breath, “this is cruel.”

“Oh, but Alice. We’ve only just begun to play. Are you close to coming?”

Just saying the word coming almost made Alice come, but once again Gnat had stopped all stimulation, leaving her frustrated.

“Are you close, Alice?”

“I am so close. Please, Gnat.”

He slipped a finger inside her again, moving it in a beckoning motion, making her breath catch. Alice could feel the orgasm coming, but right before her body clenched, Gnat withdrew.

“No!” she said, her eyes welling with tears. “Please oh please, Gnat. Your teasing is more than I can handle.”

“This is called orgasm denial,” Gnat said, lightly brushing a tear off her cheek. “I keep you at the edge of orgasm, but you can’t come until I allow it.”

“For how long?” she squeaked, her voice hoarse with desperation.

“For as long as it pleases me.”

Alice was so hot down there. She wanted to be taken, not teased, but had no idea how to convince Gnat to satisfy her needs.

“Don’t you want to make love to me?” Alice asked.

“Indeed. And I will.”

“Now. I want it now. Please.”

“Not yet, Alice. You aren’t ready.”

“But I am ready!” Alice pleaded. The very thought of him entering her made Alice ache in a way she’d never ached before.

“The longer you sustain a state of high arousal,” Gnat said, “the greater it will be when you do come.”

“Aren’t you aroused?” Alice asked, desperate to somehow convince Gnat to enter her.

“Very.”

Alice wiggled in frustration. “But I’m bound. I can’t touch you, or give you any pleasure.”

“I’m getting pleasure from teasing you, Alice.”

He roughly entered her with two fingers, making Alice scream in a combination of shock and joy. Gnat began to move them in and out, faster and faster, until Alice was about to be overtaken by a gigantic—

“No!” she cried when he removed his fingers again. “Please! I beg you!”

“Begging is a turn on,” Gnat said.

Alice tried to undulate closer, to get Gnat to touch her again. If only she could rub up against his knee. Or his wrist. She only needed a little bit more…

“I’ll give you anything,” Alice begged.

“It will all be worth it. Trust me. I’ve been to the HDO.”

Gnat traced his finger around her nipples, flicking them through the blouse, making Alice wish he’d taken off her clothes.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, squirming uncomfortably. “What is the HDO?”

“When people offend the Red Queen, they are taken to the Hall of Denied Orgasms. It is run by a close friend of mine, the Knight. His job is to pleasure the men and women who are held captive there, taking them to the brink of orgasm without letting them come. He can do this for hours. Or, if the offense is severe enough, for days.”

“It sounds dreadful,” Alice said, clenching her teeth as Gnat squeezed a nipple. She wondered if she hadn’t taken the wrong fork in the road, and was actually in Dreadful Famine Disease Povertyland. Being helplessly teased for hours, or days, without orgasm was more than Alice could bear to think about, especially when she was so close to coming right then.

“It isn’t dreadful, Alice. It’s beautiful. All of those writhing, begging people, so desperate to be allowed release. Instead, they are brought to the brink, over and over, using all manner of dastardly technology.”

Gnat moved his hand between Alice’s legs again, and was stroking her so lightly she knew she’d go insane.

“Technology?” she grunted.

“Sex machines, Alice. Intricately designed to stimulate for extended periods of time.”

Alice began to weep. “How can you get turned on, being so cruel?”

Gnat appeared thoughtful. “Everyone gets turned on by different things, I suppose. For example, Alice, some women get aroused by giving oral sex. Does that excite you?” Gnat moved his face next to hers, his breath hot on her ear. “Taking a man in your mouth?”

Alice blushed, and thinking about it made her loins burn. “Oh… actually… yes.”

Again he moved his hands away, now drumming his fingers on her bound inner thigh.

“But why, Alice? What do you get out of that experience?”

Alice was finding it hard to speak. She was too focused on Gnat’s hands.

“Pay attention, Alice. Why do you like giving men head?” He took his hands away, and stared down at her with his arms folded over his chest.

“Oh, please, Gnat…”

“Answer the question.”

What was the question? Something about why she liked to take men in her mouth?

“I’m… not sure, really,” Alice said. “I like hearing the sounds the man makes. I like him wanting me badly.”

“You like being in control of his pleasure.”

“Yes.”

“That arouses you?”

Alice nodded.

“And women?”

“Women?” echoed Alice.

“I was buzzing around the garden earlier and saw you with those flowers. Did you like to lick them for the same reason? Did you enjoy the way they responded? The way you controlled their pleasure?”

Alice thought about the response she’d gotten from Daisy and Rose. “Yes… I did.”

“And it arouses me to do things to you while you’re tied up and helpless. Things like… this.”

Gnat lowered his head between her legs, his unshaven cheeks pressing against her bare, quivering flesh. She felt his mouth press against her folds, his tongue slipping inside, and the pleasure was as strong as an electric shock.

“Oh, yes, Gnat. Yes…”

But Gnat didn’t lick. Didn’t stroke. Didn’t move. Alice tried to push against him, but his hand gripped her tied thighs too tightly, preventing any movement on her part.

“Please, Gnat. Oh, please.”

He stayed still.

“Gnat!”

Not the slightest movement. Just heat and pressure, so terrible Alice felt ready to burst.

“Lick me!” Alice shook her head back and forth. “Gnat! Lick me!”

He didn’t.

Alice didn’t know what to do. There was a man’s mouth between her legs, pressing against her, and rather than being in ecstasy Alice felt like pulling her hair out in frustration.

But maybe she didn’t need more than just him being there.

Even though Gnat wasn’t actively trying to pleasure Alice, the feeling grew in her anyway. The weight of his lips, his tongue. The very thought of him down there. Knowing she was bound and helpless, at his complete mercy. Remembering the things he’d already done to her, and would continue to do.

Yes, Alice didn’t need more than just a simple touch. She could make herself come. All she needed was a few more seconds and—

Gnat pulled away again.

Alice spent a very unladylike few seconds calling him every dirty name she could think of. As she did, she watched Gnat slowly unbuckle his belt. His pants fell free around his ankles, and he sported a lovely, throbbing erection. A glistening pearl of dew leaked from the tip, and Gnat rubbed it with his thumb, lubricating his soft, velvety head. Then he grasped himself firmly at the base.

“Would you like to put this in your mouth, Alice?”

The very suggestion made Alice’s whole body clench and thrum.

“Please,” she said. “Oh please.”

Gnat lowered himself to his knees, his manhood bobbing before Alice’s face. She stretched her head toward him, mouth open, trying to capture it. Gnat rubbed the head over her lips, the outside of her cheeks, and then pulled away.

He’s going to tease me like this as well? Alice thought. This man is dreadful!

But tease he did. Gnat would put just the tip into her mouth, just enough for her to get the tiniest taste, then quickly withdraw. He did this again, and again, and made it even more unbearable by talking to her.

“Do you want it?”

“Yes.”

“Beg me for it.”

“Please, Gnat. Oh please.”

He placed it on the tips of her lips, making Alice stretch out her tongue.

“Do you want me to touch you?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve made me so hard, Alice. Perhaps I should mount you right now.”

“Yes!”

“Or maybe I’ll let you suck me. You seem so eager to.”

“Yes! Please!”

Gnat, however, did not accede to her wishes. He never allowed Alice to take him fully into her mouth, to suck on him as she so desperately desired. He just continued to tease her until the longing became so unbearable, Alice was positive that if she could lick him for just a few seconds she herself would come, even without any stimulation at all. She had never been this turned-on before. It was maddening.

Then, as if her prayers were answered, Gnat crawled down between her legs, his manhood poised above her garden of delights.

“Oh, Gnat…”

But he didn’t enter her. Instead, holding his erection like a paintbrush, he drew little circles around Alice’s lips with his head, barely putting it inside before withdrawing.

Alice’s fists clenched. She set her jaw. She thrashed her head back and forth. It was all too much.

Still, Alice was determined to get her way, and if she concentrated, Alice knew Gnat’s teasing would be enough to make her explode. Alice squeezed her eyes shut, grinding her teeth, concentrating on the sensations. She only needed a few more seconds to reach her peak, just one more stroke, one more rub—

And then Gnat was standing up, stroking himself vigorously.

“No!” Alice cried out, her whole body shaking.

“It must be so uncomfortable, being so close to coming,” Gnat said. “And look how I can pleasure myself. Why, I may come on your breasts and just leave you like this.”

Alice wanted to scream at the injustice of it. Yet the thought of Gnat spurting his essence all over her nipples added to Alice’s furious arousal.

“What can I do?” Alice said. “Please! Tell me!”

“You are already doing it,” Gnat said, his hand a blur. “You see how excited I am. All because of you, Alice. Wouldn’t it be fun to do this to me? To bind me up and make me plead for release?”

Alice nodded, but she didn’t want to think about that now. Right then, all she cared about was blessed release.

“Look how wet you are,” Gnat said. He knelt down and Alice screamed when he touched her between her legs. “Have you ever been this wet?”

“No,” Alice panted. “Never.”

“So warm and wet. Do you like what I’m doing to you?”

“No! It’s torture!”

Gnat frowned, withdrawing his hand.

“No! I mean, don’t stop! Please, Gnat!”

“So you want me to keep teasing you?”

Alice didn’t know how to answer. But when Gnat’s fingers grazed her again, she gasped, “Yes!”

“You’ve been so kind to me, I’m going to let you come.”

“Oh, yes!”

“Just another half an hour of teasing.”

“NO! PLEASE!”

But Gnat was merciless. He would stroke her, then stop. Lick her, then stop. Once he even entered Alice, so quickly that her brain barely had time to register the pleasure before he was gone again.

It was such beautiful agony. Such delicious torture.

Alice came close to orgasm, too many times to count, but Gnat knew her body amazingly well, and would always pull away before she could reach her peak.

By the time thirty minutes had passed, Alice no longer existed. Every bit of her personality was gone. Every memory, every thought, had been wiped away. Gnat had reduced her to nothing but instinct. A helpless, clawing, mewling animal, existing only to pursue pleasure. He got her to the point where a single stroke of his finger across her mouth was enough to make her come. Where a soft breath on her thigh was enough. Where the mere words, “Would you like me to rub your clitoris?” were just as arousing as being vigorously tongued.

Alice’s clothes were drenched in sweat. The ropes that bound her were wet. She could no longer form a thought, or a sentence.

“So beautiful,” he said, running his hand through Alice’s damp hair. “You’ve suffered enough. I’ll make you come, now.”

Alice could scarcely believe it, and then Gnat was driving his manhood into her, impaling her, filling her. He wasn’t going to pull away this time. He was thrusting hard, gripping Alice’s hips, plunging into her with the speed and power she’d been yearning for since he’d tied her up. It was so needed, Alice could scarcely believe it, and the surprise was every bit as powerful as the soul-freeing relief.

Alice screamed with pleasure as her mind, and her body, snapped like dry kindling.

It started with a spasm, as all her orgasms did, muscles clenching down deep, so strong it overtook every cell in her body.

But it didn’t stop there. It kept going, kept deepening, widening, until all she could feel was scorching heat, all she could see was white light, and all she could think…

Well, she couldn’t think at all.

It was like an explosion, only slowed down, where each burst of fire built and billowed and crescendoed just as another was building behind it. Again and again and again, and Alice had no control over her body or the lewd words coming out of her mouth. She was a prisoner to her own unending ecstasy. Gnat kept pounding into her and each thrust added to the all-consuming inferno where every second she’d been teased was rewarded with a life-shattering jolt of pleasure, which seemed to go on and on.

“I’m coming!” Gnat said, and those words sent Alice up yet another precipice, and she joined him as he cried out, his spasms joining hers until Alice could no longer tell when he ended and she began.

Eventually, his movements ceased, and Alice felt like she was a tire with all the air let out. A very happy tire.

When Gnat finally pulled out of her, he planted a sweet kiss on her forehead and said, “So, did that open your mind at all?”

Alice didn’t answer. She felt drugged. Out of sorts. Wonderful, and satisfied, but as if she’d suddenly awoken from deep sleep.

“Alice? Are you okay?”

She peered up at Gnat, having to concentrate for him to come into focus. “Oh, my, yes.”

“Would you like me to tease you for another three hours?”

Gnat began to move his hand between her open legs.

“NO! I mean, that’s kind of you to offer, but I believe I’m losing circulation in my fingers.”

Alice knew that was from her clenching her fists so tightly, not the ropes, but she couldn’t bear being teased again. Especially for that long.

“Fair enough.” Gnat pulled one strand of rope, and Alice’s legs were instantly freed. It was nothing short of magical. “So what was your impression of orgasm denial?” he asked, rubbing her wrists and getting the circulation flowing.

She blew out a long breath, both happy to be untied, and a little saddened as well.

“The build-up was dreadful. But the pay-off was spectacular.”

“If you come by here again, I can teach you how to do the same to me, if you’d like.”

Alice decided she would like that, and thanked him for the offer.

“So where are you off to, now?”

Alice tried to stand, but her legs wouldn’t support her. Gnat had to help Alice to her feet and keep an arm around her waist.

“Well, you could go through the orchard and meet with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. If you want to open your mind, I’m sure they could help you with that.”

“They aren’t into orgasm denial, are they? I don’t believe I could handle that again so soon.”

“No. They are into something else entirely.”

“What exactly?”

“You’ll see,” Gnat said, smiling. “Just follow the sun through the orchard, and look for the sign on the tree.”

“Thank you, Gnat.”

“Thank you, Alice. Are you sure you don’t want to play for a bit longer?”

Alice touched herself, and while she did want to go again, she didn’t want to be tormented for hours first.

“Perhaps some other time, Gnat. But I do appreciate you opening my mind.”

“It was my pleasure, Alice.”

“Mine, too. See you, Gnat.”

Alice gave Gnat a kiss on the cheek, then began to follow the sun through the orchard, onto her next adventure.

Chapter 4

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

When Alice reached the end of the orchard, she found several signs nailed to the last tree. The first was marked TWEEDLE DEE IS SEXY. Beneath that was TWEEDLE DUM IS 2X SEXY. Under that was TWEEDLE DEE IS 4X SEXY. This went on for eight more signs, getting up to TWEEDLE DEE IS 2,000,000X SEXY and by then there was no tree left.

Alice found a path behind the tree, which she followed until she reached another tree, which was also covered with signs that went up to TWEEDLE DUM IS 999,999,999,999,999,999X SEXY. Beneath that was another sign that read YOU’RE BOTH SEXY! LEAVE ME ALONE! It was signed “THE TREE”.

Alice found the whole thing very queer. A few steps later, she came upon two short, rotund, decidedly unsexy gentlemen whom she also found very queer, as evidenced by them kissing one another.

“No, my dear, you are sexier,” said one between smooches.

“You are too kind,” replied his partner. “But indeed you are much sexier.”

Each was no taller than her shoulder, and they had largish heads and protruding bellies and could have been twins except one of them had an erect member that curved upward, whilst the other’s curved in a decidedly downward fashion.

“Excuse me,” Alice said, “But are you Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?”

“It depends,” said the one with the upturning member. “Whom do you think is sexier?”

Alice didn’t want to be cruel, as she didn’t find either of them sexy in the least, but she went with the safe bet. “I find both of you equally sexy.”

“Preposterous,” said one.

“Unheard of,” said the other.

“Inconceivable.”

“Ridiculous.”

“Outrageous.”

“Unbelievable.”

“Gelastic.”

“Gelastic?” Alice asked. “I’ve never heard of such a word. What does it mean?”

“It means preposterous,” said one.

“Unheard of,” said the other.

“Inconceivable.”

“Ridiculous.”

“Outrageous.”

“Unbelievable.”

“Please stop,” said Alice, who had an urge to slap them both in their gelastic heads. “I’m seeking to open my mind, and I was told to look for Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.”

“I am Tweedle Dum,” said the downturned member Tweedle, “and my much sexier partner is Tweedle Dee.”

“Not true,” said Tweedle Dee.

“But you are Tweedle Dee,” insisted Tweedle Dum.

“Indeed I am. But I am not the sexier partner. That indeed is you.”

They once again began to kiss, whilst engaging in something that Alice could only describe as penis fencing.

“Are you brothers?” Alice asked.

“Of course not,” they answered simultaneously.

“My brother’s name is Irving,” said Tweedle Dee. “He lives in Dubuque, Iowa with his wife and kids and works at a meat processing plant.”

“I am an only child,” said Tweedle Dum. “Besides, Amazon.com doesn’t allow incest erotica.”

“But you look so much alike,” Alice said, growing more annoyed.

“Plastic surgery,” beamed Tweedle Dee. “I have had over a dozen procedures to look more like sexy Tweedle Dum.”

Tweedle Dum nodded and smiled. “And I have had more than a dozen procedures to look like sexy Tweedle Dee.”

“But you are the sexier one.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“Will both of you sexy bitches shut up for a moment!” Alice said. She wondered if Gnat had simply been teasing her in a different way by sending her here. These two men were opening Alice’s mind to the possible delights of homicide, not sex.

“What is your name, young lady?” one of them asked. Alice had forgotten which was which.

“I’m Alice.”

“Well, Alice, tell us again what you seek.”

“An open mind,” Alice said. She almost added, “and no more talk of which of you ugly little farts is sexier, or I’ll scream.” But she didn’t add that, because it was mean.

“Well, Alice. The best way to open your mind is with an excruciatingly long poem.”

“Oh, please don’t.”

“You don’t like poetry?”

“I really despise it. Can’t you teach me open-mindedness with a hard spanking? Or through some sort of sexual escapade? Really, I’d even prefer being tied up and teased for hours than listening to—”

“A poem it is!” said the other one. “I shall now recite the very, very, very long poem, THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER. It is the longest poem I know.”

Alice cringed, looking for a path to escape, but a Tweedle grabbed each of her hands, then held hands themselves, and they all began to swing in a circle as the terrible poem was recited.

The financier D. Walrus
Always paid his debts in checks
But when he paid the Carpenter
It was with anal sex.

“The time has come,” D. Walrus said,
“To give you what you’re due,
I’ll mount you like a priceless stamp,
For I’m in love with you.”

“Outrageous!” cried the Carpenter
“You’re like some raging bull!
I cannot work for orgasms!
Or when my bum is full!”

As Walrus thrust, he pictured, thus:
The sweet, white cliffs of Dover,
Plus it was hard to hear his friend
Whilst he was bent over.

“What was that?” Walrus inquired,
“Did you say something, dear?
It’s mighty hard to hear you
As I’m thrusting up your rear.”

“I wish to be paid differently!”
The bowed carpenter pleaded.
“Preferably in a way
Rear entry isn’t needed!”

Walrus grabbed his tender hips
And his thrusts picked up speed,
“But surely, my dear carpenter
It’s precisely what you need!”

“I’ve watched you build my kitchen
And I really have to say
Any man with such good taste,
Must certainly be gay.”

“That might be true,” came the reply,
“But you, sir, take advantage.
Plus your manhood is so large,
That I can barely manage!”

D. Walrus knew just what to do,
And growling like a hound,
He used his hand to give his friend
A welcome reach-around.

The Carpenter cried out with joy,
His hips began to spasm
And he joined D. Walrus
In a mutual orgasm.

D. Walrus gave him a wet kiss
They shared a tender hug,
Neither of them showed concern
For the stains on the rug.

“So… shall I go and cash a check?”
D. Walrus asked his friend.
“I just made a big deposit…”
“Yes, you did! In my rear end!”

The Carpenter then laughed aloud,
“It’s been a long, long while,
Since a benefactor paid me
With bareback doggy style.”

“But I still need cash,” he stated,
Because sex won’t buy me bread,”
So cheap D. Walrus countered with:
“What if I give you head?”

The Carpenter considered it,
And then gave his consent,
A blowjob seemed more urgent
Than promptly paying rent.

D. Walrus dropped down to his knees,
And slurp-slurped up his dingus,
Which he was much better at
Than awkward cunnilingus.

“Oh my! Oh my! Oh me, oh my!”
The Carpenter extolled,
Then he filled Walrus’s mouth,
With his hot and salty load.

From that day on, they were a pair,
And both their lives were great,
They wed in San Francisco,
Fuck Proposition Eight!

“What is Proposition Eight?” Alice asked. She was surprised the poem wasn’t as bad as she’d feared, and even more surprised because she felt she’d learned something.

“It was a Constitutional Amendment passed in California to ban same-sex marriages,” Tweedle Dum said solemnly.

“Why, that’s abhorrent!” Alice proclaimed. “People should be able to marry whomever they want to!”

“We agree,” said Tweedle Dee. “But this country is still firmly stuck in Puritan times when it comes to sex. Did you find the Walrus and Carpenter poem offensive?”

“No. I thought it was lovely. Though the meter was off a few times.”

“It’s a hastily written parody,” said Tweedle Dum. “No one is trying to win a Pulitzer here.”

“There’s no danger of that happening,” said Alice. “But I do have to ask you something. It’s about my boyfriend, Lewis. I dumped him because I caught him wearing my underwear.”

Tweedle Dee gasped and fainted, falling into Tweedle Dum’s arms. Then Tweedle Dum stood him back up, and he gasped and fainted, falling into Tweedle Dee’s arms. They repeated this an irritating number of times until Alice wanted to club them both to death.

“Enough!” she finally demanded.

“You hate us, because we’re gay!” Tweedle Dum decried.

“No, I hate you because you’re annoying little bastards. How about trying to teach me about tolerance instead of playing around?”

“Dear Alice,” said Tweedle Dee, his face a picture of serenity. “Human sexuality is a strange and beautiful thing. No one knows where we get our preferences. Could be our genes. Could be early life experiences. Could be from viewing too much Internet porn. Sexuality, no matter what type, is completely natural as long as there is mutual consent. But when we start condemning others for their choices? That’s evil.”

Tweedle Dum pointed a finger in Alice’s face. “It is none of your business where I stick my dingus, unless I’m trying to stick it in you.” He sidled up to her, slipping a hand around Alice’s waist. “Is that something you’d like?”

“I… I… I don’t know,” Alice stammered. “What about diseases?”

“We’re both regularly tested. Plus we use condoms.”

(Of course, in Alice’s fantasies, no one actually used condoms, but in real life, she recognized the need for them and was very responsible.)

“I… I thought you were gay,” she said.

Tweedle Dee shrugged. “We swing both ways.”

“But, aren’t you married?” she asked, looking at their ring fingers and seeing gold bands.

“We just told you we swing.”

Oh yes, Alice had learned about swinging from the kings and queens. “Do you only use the missionary positions?”

“Were you sent by the Red Queen? Are you here to spy on us?”

Both the Tweedles’ members shriveled and shrank right before Alice’s eyes, like helium balloons on a cold day.

“Heavens, no! The Red Queen banished me to the courtyard.”

“But you’re not in the courtyard now,” Tweedle Dum said.

“I escaped with The White Queen’s help. I’m trying to expand my mind so I can become a queen myself.”

“When you’re a queen, will you regulate fantasies and sex acts?”

“Heavens to Betsy! No, of course not!”

“You’re not judgmental about the sexuality of others?”

“A thousand times no! Why would you even think something like that? I am very open-minded and tolerant.”

But either Tweedle Dum or Tweedle Dee didn’t believe her, or the specter of the Red Queen’s rules had frightened them deeply, because both of their members hung flaccid and sad beneath their bellies.

Then Tweedle Dee (or perhaps it was Tweedle Dum) said something that made Alice feel even worse. “You do realize that the only people who declare they are open-minded so adamantly are those with closed minds, right Alice?”

Alice didn’t know how to answer that, so she looked down at her pumps and tried not to cry.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I don’t want to be closed-minded. And I feel terrible that I’ve ruined your charmingly curved erections.” She sniffled. “Is there any way I can I help you get them back?”

Tweedle Dee looked at Tweedle Dum, and Tweedle Dum looked at Tweedle Dee.

“We have an idea,” the said in unison.

Alice brightened. “You want me to suck one of your stiff quarter rolls while the other one slides into my slot of riches from behind?”

“No,” said Tweedle Dee. “I’m afraid that won’t cut it.”

Disappointed, Alice pondered for a moment. “I know! You want to stick one of your love rockets into my bottom while the other one plunders my secret garden with his shaft of pleasure?”

“No,” said Tweedle Dum. “I’m afraid that isn’t good enough either.”

“And also,” said Tweedle Dee, “Your euphemisms are annoying. Why must you purposely be annoying, Alice?”

Now Alice was getting frustrated. Again she found herself wanting to kill the odd little Tweedles, but due to the lingering heat of Gnat’s teasing and her own lascivious suggestions about what she could do with their charmingly curved members, she didn’t want to bludgeon the strange little men any longer. Now she wanted to hump them to death.

Alice unbuttoned her thin white blouse and cupped her breasts together, nipples jutting excitedly at the duo. “How about mammary intercourse?”

“Don’t be silly,” the Tweedles said.

Alice stood there, feeling like an idiot, holding her bare breasts in her palms. “What then?”

“Stand there, just like that,” said Tweedle Dee.

“Just like that, except spread your legs apart,” said Tweedle Dum. “And lift your skirt.”

Alice did as they asked, tucking the front hem of her skirt into the waistband to reveal the shaved area between her legs. She still felt a little silly, but that was overridden by the anticipation of what they might do, now that her breasts were bare and her thighs were open.

“Now what?”

“Watch.” And with that, Tweedle Dee took ahold of Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dum took ahold of Tweedle Dee, and with two strokes of each other’s lengths, both the curve up and the curve down were stiff as could be.

“Are you ready now?” asked Alice, and she spread her legs farther apart, the cool air caressing the (very!) wet heat between.

“Keep watching,” said Tweedle Dum, and he fell to his knees and took his partner’s shaft deep into his mouth.

Tweedle Dee moaned, and his eyes turned back a little in his head.

Alice pinched her nipples, rolling the sensitive nubs between her fingers as she watched the show, wondering when they’d get to her.

Dum cupped Tweedle Dee while he sucked and licked and did all manner of appealing things with his (very!) talented tongue. And as he bobbed and weaved, putting his energy into the task, his own member bobbed and weaved and swayed heavy between his legs, and Alice found herself wanting desperately to take him into her hands.

“Don’t,” said Dee, as if reading her thoughts. “We’re not at all ready for you yet.”

So she stood there while they traded places, Tweedle Dee doing the sucking and flicking and bobbing and weaving, his curved upward tool stiff and glistening and hanging temptingly like delicious fruit waiting to be eaten.

And Alice slipped one hand from her breast and glided her fingers into the wetness between her open thighs.

Now the two returned to penis fencing, rubbing one hard length against the other. And as Alice caressed herself in small circles and played with one soft mound of breast, she could feel building that sense of pressure and heat and emptiness. And she was looking at two things that would be perfect to fill it.

“May I please?”

“Please?” said Tweedle Dee.

“Please, please, please?” begged Alice.

“Please, please, please?” echoed Tweedle Dum.

Alice had no idea what else to say. In all honesty, she’d never had to try too hard to get men interested in making love to her. Never had to try at all, really. Not on either side of the looking glass. And now she was standing in front of these two erect and ready shafts with her nipples protruding and her special place dripping with want, and these two men she’d hadn’t even found attractive refused to let her touch them.

And yet, she wanted nothing more. Somehow, while watching their coupling, these unappealing little men had become very appealing indeed.

This land through the looking glass really was a backward kind of place!

She cleared her throat. “May I please put your long, hard cocks in my mouth and lick them with my tongue?”

The Tweedles stared at one another and then looked back to her. “Certainly! Why didn’t you ask that in the first place?”

And although Alice definitely should have felt put out and frustrated and longing to kill them both over that last remark, instead she got down on her knees in the green, green grass and began to lick the two crossed shafts as they rubbed against one other.

She ran her tongue over Tweedle Dee’s ridge and underneath to his swinging sack. Then she worked her way back to the place where they crossed and lavished her attention on Tweedle Dum. Pretty soon she couldn’t tell Dum from Dee or Dee from Dum, it just seemed like one big pleasure pretzel that existed simply for her pleasurable pleasure.

Each man grasped a breast and played with her pulsing nipples. Tweedle Dee would moan, then Dum would moan. Tweedle Dum would groan and then Dee would groan. With each flick of Alice’s tongue, the men would respond. Each lick of their balls, they’d bellow like elk.

Finally Tweedle Dum caressed her hair, causing her to look up at him. “Let’s try this,” he said, and he poked the tip of his shaft between her lips.

She took the down curve in her mouth, sliding all the way to Dum’s root. And while she sucked and played with her tongue, the up curve’s head rested against her cheek, as if waiting in turn. After several strokes, she moved to the other, working back and forth between the two. Then she took them both, their heads rubbing one another inside her mouth, their tastes mixing and mingling into an intoxicating cocktail.

Sweat slicked her skin and her breasts bounced and swayed and her nipples brushed against the men’s legs. If her mammaries could talk, they would have asked to get in on the fun, but since that was ridiculous, even on this side of the looking glass, Alice had to see to their satisfaction herself.

She took one man’s shaft between her mounds, licking as his head surfaced, then plunging him down to be encased in her flesh. The other moved around behind her, and she could feel her short skirt lifting, cool air quivering over her wetness, and an upward curve probed her slick opening.

Alice spread her thighs wide and reclaimed the down curve with her mouth, and Tweedle Dee sank into her, filling her just as she’d imagined while using her rabbit in front of the mirror.

“Oh, that feels so good,” she said, then sucked Dum hard.

Tweedle Dee gripped her hips and started pumping, his balls slapping her sensitive nub with each plunge.

“Now this is fun!” Dee called. “Are you having fun, Alice?”

“Mmmph,” came her best reply.

“Yes, this is fun,” said Dum from above her. “Are you enjoying yourself, Alice?”

“Mmmph,” she answered again.

But if they could understand her words, they would have heard her say, “Oh my heavens, yes!” Because with a cock in her mouth and a cock in her slot, Alice was having a WONDERFUL time. And all of her reservations about them being gay or being round and unattractive or being annoying as all hell seemed petty and silly and nothing but a distant memory.

When Tweedle Dee got tired, he sat down on the grass. Alice climbed upon his lap, and sank onto his stiff upturned pole. Then Tweedle Dum stood over Dee, his manhood thrusting into her mouth.

“Oh, what a view,” rhapsodized Dee. “Dum looks so sexy thrusting into your sweet mouth. I can see his balls swing against your chin. Don’t you think that’s a lovely view, Alice?”

“Mmmph.”

Tweedle Dum stared down at Dee. “Oh, what a view,” he said, “I can see Dee driving up into you and making your tits buck like you’re in a rodeo. Don’t you think that’s a lovely view, Alice?”

Alice pulled her head back and glanced up at Tweedle Dum. “Look, you want me to talk, or suck?”

“I’d vote for the sucking,” helpful Tweedle Dee offered.

“Agreed,” said Tweedle Dum. “Please get back to it, Alice.”

“Gladly.”

Alice took him as deep into her mouth as she could, all the way to where her tonsils would have been if they hadn’t been removed when she was seven. Soon she found the perfect rhythm, sucking on Dum while bouncing on Dee, her breasts jostling freely and the pressure building inside her like a boiler about to explode.

And so she did, the feeling growing and growing until she couldn’t ram down on Dee fast enough or suck Dum hard enough. And she shattered and screamed out, and wave after wave of orgasmic contractions hit her.

When the waves of ecstasy ebbed, she grabbed ahold of Tweedle Dum’s love handles and sagged against his legs.

“You’re not tired, are you, Alice?” he asked.

“You’re not tired, are you, Alice?” echoed Dee.

And together they said, “Because we have a lot more fun in store for you.”

So although Alice was tired, she couldn’t deny they were still hard. Really hard. And if she’d learned anything in her time beyond the looking glass, it was that she had to do her best to pleasure others if they took the time to pleasure her.

“Bring it on, boys,” she said with a smile.

And they did.

They tried all manner of combinations, those three in the field that day. Dum on Alice and Dee on Dum. Dum on Dee with Alice underneath. Alice sucking Dum and Dee sucking Alice.

And the best part? Alice was pretty sure none of it was approved by the Red Queen.

Finally Alice lay back in the grass almost too tired to move, and Dee and Dum were on either side of her, kneeling on the grass, their members still hard as could be and stretching full length over her when Dee announced, “I’m ready to come.”

“I’m ready to come, too,” agreed Dum. “And I have a grand idea. We just need you to do something for us, Alice.”

Alice propped herself up on her elbows and eyed their everlasting erections. She’d lost count of her orgasms, but these two odd little men had given her so many that she felt limp as a dish rag. Still, she wanted this to be just as fabulous for them as it had been for her, even if she wasn’t sure how she’d find the strength to see them through.

“What would you like me to do?”

“Just take off your blouse and lie back in the grass, Alice dear,” said Dee.

That sounded like a grand idea, and Alice shrugged the open blouse off her arms and relaxed in the grass. “Now what?”

“Now raise your skirt to your waist and spread your thighs wide,” said Dum.

Alice did as he asked.

Dee looked down at her exposed center and nodded approvingly, his upturned shaft following the bob of his head. “Now pull your arms tight to your sides and fluff up your tits.”

“Fluff them up?” Alice repeated. “How do I fluff them up?”

“Kind of squeeze them together a little with your arms.”

“Yeah,” added Dum taking hold of Dee’s hard member and stroking. “Make your nipples point right up at us.”

“Yeah, like they’re begging,” Dee said, grabbing ahold of Dum.

Alice did as she was asked, her arms acting a bit like a pushup bra. Her mounds surged together, looking and feeling more voluptuous than she ever remembered. Her nipples were incredibly hard, but Dee and Dum pinched and teased them anyway, until they strained upward, as if (indeed!) begging to touch the men’s vigorous poles.

“Now bring both hands between your legs and touch yourself,” said Dee. “Make yourself come.”

Alice hadn’t been sure she could make herself come again, as tired as she was, but all this tit fluffing and nipple begging was making her feel hot and wet all over again. She slid her fingers on either side of her clit, then dipped two fingers into her special place, clit, special place, clit, special place, imagining it was both the Tweedles penetrating her at once.

Above her, the Tweedles pumped one another with their hands. Faster and faster their fists flew, one curving up and one curving down, until one and then the other began to thrust with his hips and moan.

And then Alice started moaning too, the quiver between her legs escalating as she watched the curved shafts and tight balls bob above her. And a wave of ecstasy crashed over her, seizing her muscles, and shuddering and quaking, and she didn’t stop but pushed for another.

And then the Tweedles cried out, one after the other, and their essence streamed from their stiff rods and kissed her breasts, warm and glossy and smooth. And then they were rubbing their hardness over her, cock against nipple, slick skin against slick skin.

And another wave crested and crashed, and Alice added her cries to the mix.

And when they were done, Alice knew without a doubt what her nipples had been begging for, because it was exactly what they got.

“Well, thank you for a wonderful time, you sexy gentlemen,” she said, still out of breath.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum each wiped off a breast, taking great care to flick and pinch and toy with her nipples while they were doing it. “You have lovely feminine parts, Alice,” said Dee.

“Thank you,” said Alice.

“Yes,” said Dum. “All your parts are quite lovely.”

Alice sat up, but the two kept wiping, their members thick and ready once again, only this time Dee’s was turned down and Dum’s was facing up.

Curious.

“Have you ever thought of showing off your lovely parts with a bit of sparkly jewelry?” Dee asked.

“Oh my, yes. That would be divine,” concurred Dum.

Alice remembered Rose’s sparkly nipple rings and the beautiful golden gleam brightening Daisy’s clit.

“It would be beautiful, that is for certain, but I’m not sure I’m daring enough to try something like that.”

Dee smiled. “You should at least talk to the White Queen, see what she says.”

“The White Queen?”

“She’s a queen. The one who wears white,” Dum explained.

“I know who she is. I’ve met her before. But she doesn’t wear any jewelry, if you don’t count the tiara on her head.”

The two looked at each other. “She doesn’t wear much of anything at all.”

“That’s true,” agreed Alice, thinking of the White Queen’s bare breasts and special place. “Although it seems that on this side of the looking glass, very few people wear much at all. But what I don’t understand is why I should talk to her about jewelry.”

“Well, that’s simple enough,” said Tweedle Dee. “She does piercings at her store. Ye Olde Sex Shoppe.”

“Where is that, exactly?” Alice asked, becoming curiouser and curiouser.

Tweedle Dum pointed with his member, now very much as stiff as before. “You just follow the path through the trees.”

“There sure are lots of paths through the trees around here,” Alice mused.

But neither Tweedle Dee nor Tweedle Dum was listening; they were too busy kissing and stroking each other again.

Alice had to wonder if they ever had a problem with chafing. But she didn’t ask, because a discussion about it wouldn’t be very sexy, and quite possibly rude.

Besides, much as she’d enjoyed the three way, she really hated talking to the annoying little bastards.

“Thank you so much,” she called. “I believe I’ll pay her a visit.”

““Mmmph!” they both said, their mouths full of each other.

Alice set off on her way.

Chapter 5

Wool and Water

Alice followed the left fork in the path, and for once it was a nice, paved path with no sticks to trip over or tree branches to snag her hair or dirt that her heels sunk into. When Alice reached the end of it she found a sign nailed to a tree that read WRONG PATH, GO BACK. Alice wasn’t sure how the sign knew where she was going, but there wasn’t anything beyond the tree but a patch of stinging nettles, and since Alice had an aversion to stinging of any sort, she walked back to the fork and took the right path, which was filled with sticks to trip over and branches snagging her hair and dirt that tugged at her high heels. And stinging nettles.

When she finally reached Ye Olde Sex Shoppe, Alice was in a grumpy mood. Her mood went from grumpy to venomous when she saw a sign on the front door that read CLOSED FOR UNBIRTHDAY PARTY.

Alice didn’t know what an unbirthday was, but guessed it was something stupid and annoying. For all the good sex she’d had in Looking Glass Land, it certainly had its fair share of stupid and annoying people and customs. Alice frowned, her brow furrowing, as she wondered where to go next, when the door suddenly swung open and the White Queen appeared. Breasts and special place still bare for all to see, she wore a white garter belt and fishnets, and a white boa. The feather kind, not the kind that eats small children.

“Alice! How are you, dear? Did you come for my unbirthday party?”

“I’m afraid I don’t even know what an unbirthday is,” Alice said.

“No worry,” said the Queen. “As it is both stupid and annoying. But I did get some wool and water for unbirthday gifts, thereby explaining this chapter’s odd title. So why are you here?”

“Actually, I was sent here by Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum—”

“Excellent lovers, but also stupid and annoying.”

Alice agreed on both counts, but didn’t want to appear rude. “They mentioned you do piercings.”

The Queen smiled wide. “I do. In fact, when I opened my shop, I was going to call it Houses of the Holey and put a big lead zeppelin in the storefront.”

“I don’t get it,” Alice said.

“It was the seventies. I did a lot of drugs. I also have a Ficus I named Robert.”

“Excuse me?”

“Robert Plant.”

“Isn’t he that singer in the Rolling Stones?”

“You’re making me feel old. Come in.”

The Queen held open the door, and Alice walked inside. She’d never been in a sex shop before, and for some reason expected it to be dimly lit and dirty. Instead, the lighting was bright and uniform, with stock neatly arranged on racks. It could have been a local convenience store, but rather than snacks and sundries, the wares on these shelves were decidedly more… personal.

Alice stared at a display of movies, their covers depicting every type of coupling imaginable, and some that were almost beyond imagination.

“Organized according to kink,” the White Queen said. “Orgies, three ways, gang-bangs, all the group stuff, is in this section. Next to it is oral, which is always popular. Then gay, both women on women and men on men. Anal is next to that.”

“Apparently a lot of people like anal,” Alice said, noticing the section was larger than any of the others.”

“People often like to watch the stuff they can’t get at home.”

Alice picked up a film called Butt Plug Babes 37. “They make dildos for your butt?” she asked, looking at two naked women on the cover who appeared to be enjoying the activity.

“Of course. But they’re shaped differently, so they don’t fall out. Sort of like an American football, with a base on the end so it doesn’t get lost. I think I’ve got the brand used in that video, if you’d like to see it.”

Curiosity overcame Alice, and she nodded. The White Queen lead her past an aisle displaying various cuffs, restraints, hoods, whips, paddles, and chains, and to a whole wall of butt plugs. She selected a pink one, and held it out for Alice. It was roughly the size and shape of a lemon, with a flat base on one end.

“That’s gigantic,” Alice said.

“There are smaller models, for beginners. The anus is simply packed with sensitive nerve endings. Have you ever done any butt play?”

Alice blushed. “Nothing quite so large.”

“You think this is large? We have a lot bigger. In dildos as well. Take a look at this one.”

The White Queen walked an aisle over, and picked up a box that held a dildo thicker than Alice’s arm.

“That’s not a sex toy,” Alice said. “That’s a murder weapon.”

“You’d be surprised how wide you can stretch when properly aroused.”

Alice had been properly aroused countless times, but she didn’t think she’d ever be aroused enough to accommodate that abomination.

“So you want a piercing?” the White Queen asked. “Where were you considering it?”

“Um… well… the usual places, I suppose.”

“And those are?”

Alice fidgeted. Surely the White Queen knew. Why embarrass her by making her say it?

“Alice, if you’re too embarrassed to say it, you probably shouldn’t get it done.”

Oh. That’s why.

“Well, my nipples,” Alice said softly. “And my… clitoris.”

“Nipples! Excellent! A piercing will dramatically increase sensation. But clitoris? That’s so rare I’ve never actually done one. Very risky. Very precise. And that’s one part of the female anatomy that you don’t want to hurt or damage.”

Alice frowned. “But, in the garden, I saw Daisy.”

The White Queen nodded. “Ah, yes. That’s not a clit piercing. I do not recommend piercing the clitoris. Daisy has what is known as a clitoral hood piercing. She had a vertical bar inserted in the thin skin that covers her clit. It is the easiest, and quickest healing, of any genital piercing.” The White Queen leaned in closer like a conspirator sharing a valuable secret. “And the sensations are out of this world.”

“Really?” Alice asked. “I don’t mean to be rude, but how can you know for sure, if you don’t have one?”

“I have a clitoral hood piercing, a triangle piercing, a labia piercing, and a fourchette. But when my husband and I visit the Red Queen, I remove my jewelry, because she forbids it.”

“She’s not a very nice person,” Alice said.

“No. She’s a boring bitch.”

“I thought you needed an open mind to become a queen,” Alice said.

“That’s one way. The other way is to do what she did.”

“What’s that?”

The White Queen lowered her voice. “Defeat the Jabbercocky.”

“I’ve heard of that, in a confusing poem. I—”

“Please,” the White Queen said, holding up her palm. Her eyes brimmed with tears. “I don’t want to discuss the Jabbercocky, Alice. I had a terrible experience in the HDO, and don’t wish to recall it.”

“I’m sorry,” Alice said. She was bursting with questions, but the White Queen seemed ready to sob.

“It truly is a terrible place. I hope you are never sent there.” Then she brightened. “Now let’s get you up in the chair and poke some holes in you.”

Alice had never liked needles, and while she’d felt rather confident on the walk over—wrong path and stinging nettles notwithstanding—the thought of having needles stuck into her most sensitive parts was quickly becoming a badder and badder idea. But rather than object, she obediently followed the White Queen past racks of lubricants, adult magazines, and love dolls ranging from cheap inflatable bachelor party gifts to full-sized models that looked more real than many of the people Alice went to college with. The piercing room was through a doorway draped with hanging beads, and there was a comfortable-looking leather recliner in the corner, next to a hanging print of a Georgia O’Keefe painting of a flower that looked more like something else. Upon closer inspection, Alice noticed someone had altered it; the pistil in the overtly feminine flower had a silver bar pierced through the tip.

“Sit sit sit,” the White Queen said. “We’ll start with your breasts, I think.”

Alice sat, legs stiff in front of her, every muscle tense. She didn’t want to get jabbed, especially in such sensitive areas. “I think I’m changing my mind.”

“Are you sure? I certainly wouldn’t do anything without your consent, but I really do think you’ll enjoy the jewelry. Everyone does.”

Her mind racing for an excuse, Alice suddenly remembered that she couldn’t possibly get a piercing. “I… I don’t have any money,” she said, for the first time in her life relieved to be broke.

“Nonsense,” the Queen said. “There is no money in Looking Glass Land. We use the barter system here.”

“But I have nothing to barter with,” Alice said, close to whining.

“Of course you do, my lovely little dear. Haigha! Hatta!”

Alice thought the Queen had begun speaking gibberish, but a moment later two men popped into the room. The first was wearing flared jodphurs and tall black boots and a tweed jacket over his hairy chest. A beret perched on his head and he held a megaphone in one hand and a riding crop in the other.

His companion carried a large camera, and although he wore sunglasses, the rest of his body was bare. His erection curved up toward the ceiling, more charming and generous than Tweedle Dee’s… er, Dum’s… er, whatever.

Of course, Alice recognized them from her journey to Wonderland.

“Hatter!” she exclaimed, grinning. “March Hare!”

“No, it is Hatta and Haigha. We went to Boston recently and forgot how to use the letter R,” said Hatter… no, Hatta. And it couldn’t have been true, because he pronounced recently and forgot correctly.

“Hare, um, I mean Haigha, what happened to your lovely rabbit suit?”

“Cleaners,” he said. “It gets awfully soiled with bodily secretions, as you can imagine.”

“He’s a regular walking hot zone,” said Hatta. “When the Lysol stops working, steam cleaning is required.”

“Where is your friend, Maus?” Alice asked.

Hatta shrugged. “Sleeping, as usual.”

“Can you gentlemen begin a two camera set up?” the Queen asked.

Hatta and Haigha nodded, going into a closet and dragging out various pieces of equipment. As they set up three point lighting around Alice, she asked, “What’s happening?”

“We’re going to make a movie,” Haigha said.

“Alice’s Sexual Piercing Adventure,” Hatta said. “We’re pornographers now.”

“You see, Alice,” said the Queen, “we shall make a movie of this event. That is what you offer in barter. I’ll do the piercings, and you sign the model release.”

Haigha thrust a piece of paper and a pencil at her.

“I’m not sure I want to be in a movie,” Alice said. “Especially one that will involve me crying.”

“There will be no crying, Alice.” The Queen’s eyes twinkled. “Trust me.”

“But…” Alice’s voice trailed off.

“You’re afraid,” the Queen said.

Alice nodded, ashamed.

“Everyone who sits in that chair is afraid, Alice. Bravery doesn’t mean you have no fear. Bravery is simply getting control over your fear. Do you want me to help you be brave?”

“I don’t see how you can,” Alice said.

“I’ll be right back.”

The Queen left and Alice read over the release and signed it. Then she fidgeted, becoming more and more nervous as Hatta and Haigha set up lights and loaded their cameras.

“Have you made many movies?” Alice asked, more out of nervousness than genuine curiosity.

“But of course,” said Hatta. “Did you see Fluffy Mr. BunnyToes Goes Balls Deep in Ass?”

“I also acted in that one,” Haigha said proudly.

“You were Fluffy Mr. BunnyToes?” Alice asked.

“No,” said Haigha, “I was Ass.”

“That role had such depth,” said Hatta.

“I’m afraid I missed it,” Alice said.

“We also did an all male vampire movie,” Hatta said. “Jackula.”

“Jackula?” Alice said.

“It’s not blood he sucks,” said Haigha. “Hatta starred in that one. Remember your final scene?”

“It was certainly a mouthful.”

“How about The Jubjub Bird’s Golden Shower Extravaganza?” said Haigha. “Did you see that one?”

“I don’t know what a Jubjub bird is,” Alice said. “Or a golden shower.”

“It’s just as well,” said Hatta. “They are both rather messy.”

“How about Dear Grandma Muffleton’s All Stud Gang Bang?” asked Haigha.

“She’s eighty-five years old, and takes on an entire high school varsity football team,” said Hatta. “And she got halfway through junior varsity before breaking a hip. What a talent.”

“I found her charming,” said Haigha. “We dated for a while afterward, but she eventually said I was too old for her.”

“A shame,” said Hatta. “I miss how her pelvis creaked when she made love. It was like sexy time with a bag of crisps.”

“Hatta does enjoy his snacks,” observed the White Queen, returning with an armful of colorful boxes and packages. She set them on the table next to Alice’s chair.

“What are those?” Alice asked.

“As you know,” the White Queen said, “the female orgasm is a marvel of human physiology. Pain tolerance goes up 100% while a woman is climaxing.”

Alice eyed the boxes, saw they contained various items from the shelves.

“So we’re going to use some toys,” the Queen continued, “and pierce you when you’re coming. You won’t feel any pain. Can you disrobe, please?”

“I really won’t feel a thing?” Alice asked.

“Oh, you’ll feel quite a bit,” said the Queen. “But it won’t be pain.”

Alice slowly removed her blouse and skirt, immediately aware that the cameras were capturing her nudity.

“I missed seeing you naked, Alice,” said the Hatta scanning her body through his lens.

“Uh, thank you.” She lowered herself into the chair.

“I also missed feeling you naked, Alice,” said the Haigha, taking his curved manhood in his free hand as he angled for a shot of her breasts.

“Ah, thank you, Haigha.”

Alice had to admit, she liked having Hatta and Haigha, and the Queen, staring at her body, and the cameras only added to her arousal. Imagining men and women she didn’t know staring at her nakedness was naughtily titillating.

Then the Queen unwrapped the first package.

Alice stared. “What in the world is that contraption?”

The Queen smiled. “This is a Sqweel.”

It looked like a large pizza cutter, without the long handle. Or a particularly large snail that had a wheel for a body. The outer shell part covered half the wheel, with buttons on it that could be pressed while being held. The wheel itself was covered with tiny, pink plastic paddles that looked like—

“Are those tiny tongues?” Alice asked.

“Indeed. The Sqweel is meant to stimulate oral sex.”

The Queen put in some batteries and pressed a button. The center wheel with the tongues began to spin around rapidly, until they were a blur.

“You want me to put that between my legs?” Alice asked, growing a little worried.

“Hold out your hand.”

Alice did, and the Queen squirted a dollop of strawberry scented water-based lubricant onto her palm. Then the Queen used the Sqweel to lap up the lube. Incredibly, it did feel as if Alice’s hand was being rapidly licked by little tongues. It was undeniably erotic and a shiver worked over her bare skin and tightened her nipples.

“Magnificent,” said Haigha, focusing his camera on her face and breasts.

“Spread your legs, Alice,” the Queen said.

Alice did, cool air caressing her wetness.

“So sexy,” Hatta said, dropping to a knee to get a better angle between her open thighs.

Alice had never been filmed before, especially without clothes. She wasn’t sure what to do. “Should I look at Hatta’s long lens, zooming in on my feminine parts, or should I watch the Queen move the Sqweel up to my nether region?”

“Whatever you do, it will be hot,” said Haigha. “Just show us how good it feels.”

Then the Queen’s Sqweel was touching her, and Alice said, “Oh my.”

“It isn’t as hard or intense as a vibrator,” the Queen said. “But once you warm up to it, the sensations are quite marvelous.”

The tongues zoomed right in on her clitoris as if they were hungry for it, and Alice warmed up to the device quickly. It didn’t feel like many little tongues licking her, but more like one endlessly long tongue, stroking upward with gentle, almost delicate motions that went on and on and on. Then the sensation changed entirely, making Alice clench her fists; the Queen had turned the Sqweel upside down.

“Well,” Alice said, her breath beginning to quicken. “That is quite… that’s… well.”

“Lick your lips, Alice. Don’t be shy about it.”

Alice did, and it felt delightfully wicked.

“Pinch your nipples.”

Alice pinched, surprised by how stiff they already were.

“Moan a little.”

She moaned. But everything was feeling so good, Alice couldn’t tell if her moan was for the camera, or entirely natural.

“Good. Very sexy. Now thrust your hips.”

Alice did, and soon her hips were moving on their own accord. She continued to pinch and moan, and now Hatta’s pants were off and he was stroking himself with his non-camera hand.

“Take the Sqweel,” the Queen said. “Use it as you see fit.”

Alice hesitated. “I’ve… I’ve never really used toys with another woman before.”

“Never had vibrator parties with your girlfriends, where you practiced French kissing and deep throating cucumbers?”

Alice shook her head.

“You missed out,” the Queen said. “But we’re catching up now. This switch controls the speed. Just move it in whatever direction you fancy.”

Alice took the Sqweel and followed the Queen’s instructions. She tried sideways. She tried sideways in the opposite direction. She varied the pressure. She switched it to its top speed, and felt the familiar pressure building in her loins. Requiring no further direction, she gyrated and panted and cooed and pinched her nipples harder than she ever had before.

“Amazing,” Haigha said. “You are so sexy when you’re aroused, Alice.”

“Imagine all the men who will be watching this,” Hatta added. “They’ll all be stroking themselves, wishing they could be licking you in place of the Sqweel.”

Yes, she could feel their eyes. She could feel their tongues.

How many people will watch this movie and get off? Alice thought. She moved the Sqweel as Hatta zoomed in close enough to lick her himself.

“Arch your back, Alice. Stick out those incredible breasts.”

“You’re so beautiful. Come for the camera, Alice.”

Haigha got so close to Alice that his lens was almost touching her cheek. Alice tried to imagine what she looked like, to picture who would be watching this movie later, and that added to her mounting pleasure. Then the Queen was at Alice’s breasts, and Alice panicked for a moment, thinking it was the needle.

But it wasn’t. The Queen held two small, purple objects.

“Nipple clamps,” she said. “The weights have vibrators in them.”

First the Queen attached one to the right nipple, then to the left. The pressure was just on the cusp of being painful, but instead it made her very aware of her nipples, and even more aware of the camera. Then the Queen squeezed the clamps and the vibrators roared to life, sending an electric burst of stimulation coursing through Alice’s body.

“Oh my. Oh my, oh my, OH!”

Sqweel lapping between her legs, nipples buzzing, Hatta and Haigha caressing her body with their cameras like voyeuristic lovers, Alice could no longer hold it in.

The orgasm crashed through Alice before she was prepared for it, her lower body lifting up off the chair, her hips bucking against the Sqweel and its relentless, delicious tongue-lashing. A moment later, Alice was penetrated by something long and thick, and it pumped in and out of her with the Queen holding its base. Alice rode out the orgasm, then reluctantly pulled away the Sqweel to see what was being done to her.

The Queen was plunging a flesh-colored dildo into her, over and over, and it felt very good indeed. But Alice was confused, because it seemed to be attached to something that looked like a large ray gun.

“It’s a Drilldo,” the Queen said. “Watch.”

The Queen held the device inside Alice, and then there was a loud WHIR followed by them most curious sensation.

The dildo was spinning!

Indeed, the Drilldo was a common dildo attached by some means to a cordless drill. It rotated within her, like Alice was being drilled, but with a much more nerve-tingling result. If Alice had thought her orgasm was peaking, the Drilldo had other ideas. Starting slow, no more than a full turn per second, Alice felt the dildo’s fat head churn against her G-spot, teasing it over and over. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced, and though her juices were flowing aplenty, the Queen had apparently slicked it down with more lube because the action was delightfully smooth.

Then it began to pick up speed.

Alice reached her hands out, fingers spread, her eyelids fluttering. She had always wondered what it would feel like to spin upon a man’s stiff member, and the sensation didn’t disappoint. Just as she began to hit another crescendo, her nub began to buzz once again. But this was more intense than a vibration.

“An Eroscillator,” the Queen said over the noise. She was holding something that looked like a gold electric toothbrush against Alice’s clit. “The tip oscillates 3600 times a second. How does it feel?”

Alice answered with an “Uhh.” She noticed Hatta between her legs, working the Drilldo, to which he’d attached his camera. What a curious angle; one Alice wished to view.

As if reading Alice’s mind, the widescreen TV on the opposite wall turned on, with a live feed of the proceedings. Half the screen was Haigha, panning between Alice’s vibrating nipples and her ecstatic expressions, the other half was a super-close view of Alice’s special place, the Drilldo and Eroscillator doing their work.

This was a much bigger turn-on than the looking glass in her apartment, and Alice’s squeals reverberated back at her in stereo sound.

“Come again Alice,” said Haigha, his camera in her face. And another image crossed the screen; his lovely erection, right next to her breasts, twitching and jerking and begging to be touched. She reached for it, grabbing his glans, and the feeling of his stiffness in her hand overloaded her senses.

Between the whirling Drilldo and the intense Eroscillator and the vibrating nipple clamps and the images on the TV and Hatta between her legs with a camera and Haigha’s hard curve in her hand, Alice lost complete control. She screamed. She shook. She thrashed. Her body had become a slave to orgasm, and Alice felt as if she were melting and floating at the same time.

When the White Queen removed the nipple clamps and replaced them with surgical clamps from her nearby autoclave, Alice watched with curious detachment. The first needle pierced her right nipple with a little more than a sting, and not an unpleasant one at that. When the second needle entered her, Alice cried out again, not in pain, but in pleasure, and she watched a close up on the TV as the Queen inserted a gold ring.

The Eroscillator was removed, but the Drilldo was still doing its thing, and Alice pulled Haigha closer, aching to have him in her mouth. Her tongue shot out, licking a drop of moisture leaking from his tip, and from the corner of her eye she saw the Queen’s gloved hands holding a cotton swab between her legs, easing it between the top of her clit and the thin skin that covered it.

“Perfect,” the Queen said. “You’re a perfect candidate. “

“I’ll say,” said Hatta.

“Just a quick sting, dear.”

Alice watched, transfixed, as the Drilldo churned inside her and the White Queen used a sealed needle to put a tiny, golden barbell through her clitoral hood. There was only the quickest of pinches, and then the Drilldo was out and all three spectators were standing away from Alice, gazing at her admiringly and touching themselves vigorously.

“My, that was erotic,” said Hatta.

“I’d film you anytime,” said Haigha.

“You did a great job, my dear,” said the White Queen.

“That was it?” Alice said, still panting. “It doesn’t hurt at all.”

The Queen nodded. “Normally, a hood piercing takes about a week to heal, and a nipple piercing about two months. But in Looking Glass Land, all healing is instantaneous.”

“That’s amazing,” Alice said.

“We also have the best bouillabaisse here,” said Hatta, smiling. “That might not be as dramatic as instant healing, but try to find a bowl worth eating anywhere outside of Marseilles.”

“Also,” said Haigha, “In Looking Glass Land, Seinfeld was never cancelled. Season twenty-three was hilarious. Kramer becomes President.”

“That Kramer,” Hatta said, slapping his thigh.

Alice swung her feet over the side of the chair, light-headed and still tingling all over.

“I must say, that was much better than I’d anticipated.” She stared down, looking at the lovely rings in her breasts.

“Give them a pull,” the White Queen said, proudly.

Alice gave each a tentative tug, and it felt like a lover nibbling on them, multiplied threefold.

“Goodness,” she said. “That is a lovely sensation.”

“Now stand up and take a few steps.”

Alice did, and the bar in her hood rubbed gently against her clitoris, making her shiver.

“Why, I can’t wear this!” Alice protested. “I’ll never be able to get anything done! How am I supposed to live my day-to-day life if I have an orgasm ever few steps I take?”

“I’d call that living very well,” said Hatta.

“It would sure make jogging more fun,” said Haigha.

“I’d like to film Alice jogging,” said Hatta. “Naked.”

“Alice naked?” asked Haigha.

“Both of us naked,” said Hatta. “You, too.”

“That would be hot,” agreed Haigha.

The White Queen patted Alice’s shoulder. “You’re still aroused, dear. When that wears off, you won’t even feel the piercings, unless they are directly stimulated.”

“Oh.” So she could have the sensation just when she wanted? This was getting better and better. “How did the movie turn out?” Alice asked.

“Spectacular,” said Hatta.

“Arousing,” said Haigha.

“Beautiful,” said Hatta.

“Exciting,” said Haigha.

“It will make you a superstar, Alice. You are easily the sexiest woman who has ever starred in an adult film.”

Beaming with pride, Alice dressed quickly, and as her arousal level dipped, so did the stimulation her piercings provided.

“I can’t thank all of you enough,” Alice said.

“Why not?” asked Hatta. “Have you run out of thank yous?”

Back to the nonsense, Alice thought. She so preferred the constant climaxes to the silly wordplay.

“Where are you off to next, Alice?” the Queen asked.

“Well, I’m still trying to open my mind,” Alice said. “Where do you recommend I go?”

“This is Looking Glass Land, Alice. Just follow a path through the woods. It will take you somewhere interesting.”

“Just avoid the ones that dead end at stinging nettles,” said Hatta.

“But how do I know which ones dead end at stinging nettles?”

“I just told you. Those are the ones that have stinging nettles at the dead end.”

Alice kept her tongue firmly in cheek, bid goodbye to the trio, and went off in search of more mind-opening experiences.

Chapter 6

Humpty Dumpty

Still buzzing from the experience at the toy shop (and feeling her new piercings rub against her most sensitive parts with each step), Alice followed yet another path through a clearing and came to thirty yards of board fence, nine feet high, that a boy named Tom Sawyer was whitewashing—

Wait… oops. Wrong nineteenth century classic.

Still buzzing from the experience at the toy shop, Alice followed yet another path through a clearing and came to a high wall, which Humpty Dumpty sat upon.

Alice knew it was Humpty Dumpty because she was familiar with the nursery rhyme, and because this man was egg-shaped and perched precariously on a wall, but most of all because he waved at Alice and said, “Yo, baby. I’m Humpty Dumpty.”

As Alice approached, she noticed something odd. Well, odder than an egg man from a nursery rhyme sitting on a wall. This particular egg man, although sporting a light beard and a deep, baritone voice, was wearing women’s undergarments. Chiefly a bra, panties, and nylon stockings, which made his stubby legs look like sausages ready to burst from their casings.

“Why, you’re dressed like a woman!” Alice declared.

“So are you.”

“But I am a woman. My name is Alice. You’re a man.”

“What gave it away?” Humpty Dumpty asked. “Was it my masculine bulge, threatening to burst through this Frederick’s of Hollywood g-string?”

“It is rather obvious.”

“Don’t you think I’m sexy?” he asked, gyrating suggestively and pursing his lips which, shockingly, were painted bright red.

Alice couldn’t imagine anything less sexy, but she’d already been down that road with the Tweedles and had learned her lesson, so she changed the subject.

“Aren’t you worried you’ll fall from there?” Alice asked.

“Why?”

“Because of the poem, of course.” Much as she loathed poetry, Alice began to recite. “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a big fall—”

“No, you’re getting it wrong. It’s Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a big ball. Which I do. Two of them in fact. My testicles are bigger than peaches. I’m sure you can see them from there.”

Alice could. And they were, indeed, bigger than peaches.

“They’re also full of peach juice,” Humpty Dumpty said, his voice tinged with pride.

“They aren’t.”

“They are. If you’d like, you can have a sip from my straw.” Humpty grabbed himself through the panties.

Alice was confused. Not about the peach juice—she knew that was nonsense. But that this man in ladies’ underwear was apparently coming on to her. “You want me to… to put your member in my mouth?”

“I can think of worse ways to spend the next thirty seconds.”

“Do you,” Alice searched her mind to remember the term, “swing both ways?”

“Naw. I mean, I have no problem with those who do, but I’m strictly a ladies’ man myself.”

Alice was perplexed.

“You look perplexed,” Humpty said.

“You’re wearing feminine underthings,” Alice stated. “Aren’t you gay?”

“Don’t you know the rest of the rhyme?” Humpty cleared his throat, spat, then began to recite:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a big ball,

All the King’s wenches and all the King’s chicks,

Lent him their panties and then sucked his dick.

“If you like women,” Alice said, “why do you dress like one?”

Humpty shrugged. “It gets me off.”

“Why?”

“Can’t really explain why. Are you gonna come up here and start sucking, or what?”

“But it doesn’t make any sense.”

Humpty laughed. “If you really expect human sexuality to make sense, you’re more naive than you look, Alice.”

Alice didn’t like being called naive. In fact, she was working hard to be more knowledgeable.

“So you’re a,” Alice searched for the term. “Transsexual?”

“No. I’m a man trapped inside the body of a man. Got a buddy named Earl, she’s a transsexual. Sweetest broad you’d ever meet. And plus size, like me. She just let me borrow this gorgeous Christian Dior pencil skirt, and I’m thinking about moving away and not leaving a forwarding address so I don’t have to give it back. I wish I had his taste. And his hips.”

Alice still didn’t understand. “Do you have both male and female private parts?”

“No. Just male. And they aren’t very private. I can whip them out and show you, if you want.”

How rude. He really was a bad egg. And Alice was still confused.

“You seem still confused,” Humpty said.

“I am.” Alice pouted. “My boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—I caught him in the bathroom, wearing my panties.”

“What color were they?”

“Pink.”

Humpty laughed, and rubbed his bulge. “Pink is my favorite, next to black and red and yellow and green and blue. Did they have frilly lace on the top?”

“A bit.”

“They sound lovely. Your ex-boyfriend has good taste.”

“I… I thought he was gay.”

“Could be. Or he could just be a cross-dresser.”

Alice had heard the word before, but didn’t know quite what it meant. “A what?”

“A transvestite. A heterosexual man who likes to wear women’s clothing. It’s a fetish. Deriving sexual excitement from an object. In this case, female clothing.”

“Men who aren’t gay do that?”

“Climb up on this wall, baby, and I’ll show you how hetero I am.”

Alice noted that the lump in Humpty’s panties had gotten larger as he stroked himself.

“I’m afraid I still don’t understand,” Alice said.

“When you put on a nice dress, and high heels, and make-up, and jewelry, does it make you feel sexy?”

“Yes,” Alice said.

“Me too.”

“And you aren’t gay at all?”

“No. But I’m willing to pretend I’m gay if you come up here and give me a hummer. In fact, I’ll pretend to be whatever you want. An alien. A dinosaur. Red Foxx. A Denver omelet. You name it.”

Alice buried her face in her hands. She was beside herself with guilt. All this time, she’d been sure her boyfriend Lewis was gay. But he’d been telling the truth when he said he loved her and found her attractive. He just liked wearing her clothing.

“Oh dear,” Alice said, ready to cry. “I made a huge mistake.”

Humpty patted the wall. “Poor thing. Come up here, girl. You can tell me all about it while you’re blowing me.”

The tears came. “Can’t you see I’m upset?”

“You know what can stop those tears? Giving me vigorous head.”

“Can you please stop thinking about oral sex for just five minutes?”

Humpty laughed. “Ha! Show me a man who can do that!”

Alice really began to cry now. “Lewis loved me. I thought we’d be married some day. But I dumped him for no reason.”

“Wow. You’re such a bitch.”

Alice fell to her knees, her whole body racked with sobs. She had ruined Lewis’s life, and hers, all because she’d let her biases and prejudices override her feelings and common sense.

“Why don’t you just apologize and win him back?” Humpty asked.

Alice sniffled, staring up at him. “Could I really do that?”

“Why not? Don’t you have an open mind now?”

“I think so.”

“You’d better. Or else I’m going to write KEEP AN OPEN MIND on a club and beat you over the head with it, like we’ve been doing to the readers.”

“I’ve got to go back home and talk to Lewis,” Alice said. “Which way do I go?”

“Where is home?”

“On the other side of the looking glass.”

“I don’t have the slightest idea what that means. But you could follow this path to Lion and Unicorn Park. There’s an orgy going on there right now. Lots of people. Maybe one of them will be able to help you. But be careful.”

Alice wiped away a tear and smiled shyly. “I think I’ll be okay. I’ve been to an orgy or two.”

“It’s not that. I heard the Red Queen is planning to raid the park. You don’t want to be arrested and have to face the Jabbercocky.”

The word rang a bell, and Alice recalled that horrible poem she’d read earlier and the word being repeated by the White Queen.

“What’s a Jabbercocky?” she asked.

“It’s a sex machine, in the Hall of Denied Orgasms. Meant to cause unbearable arousal in women.”

Alice frowned. “The White Queen didn’t want to talk about it. She said the Red Queen beat the Jabbercocky, and that is why she’s allowed to rule Looking Glass Land.”

Humpty spat. “The Red Queen. She’s an unfeeling bitch. Do you know how she beat the Jabbercock? She fell asleep. Can you imagine? I weep for her poor husband.”

Alice thought about the Red King and how eager he was, and how hard, and how long. “But the Red Queen and the Red King have swinging parties with other couples. He seems to have a lot of sex.”

“Yes, on this side of the looking glass, everybody has sex with everybody. But the Red Queen believes all sex should be boring, and she’ll only allow the Red King to come during boring sex. Even the Jabbercock couldn’t turn on the Red Queen.”

“I read a poem about it. In a book.”

“Turning on the Red Queen?”

Alice sighed and rolled her eyes. “No. The Jabbercocky.”

“Did you like it?”

“No. I thought the author was full of himself.”

Humpty laughed, then began to recite:

Carroll’s lyrical endeavor,
Thinking made-up words were clever,
Read a hundred-plus years later,
Only prompts my inner hater.

“You can say that again,” Alice said. “But please don’t. I hate poetry. Though I do wonder what that Jabbercock poem meant.”

“You want I should explicate it for you?” Humpty asked. “Could have some relevance.”

Alice sighed. “I suppose. Will it take long? I do have an orgy to get to.” And she had to admit, that even after the very many lovely experiences she’d had today, the thought of an orgy made her start to tingle all over again.

“I’ll make it quick. Which, incidentally, is the line I use picking up women. Let’s go through it, stanza by stanza.”

Alice winced, but nodded. Humpty began.

’Twas horcky in the HDO,
Beased so long they mersycried,
Empty was the bordello,
Tolerance had up and died.

“Horcky means horny and unlucky,” Humpty said. “Beased is bound and teased. Mersycried is those who cry for mercy. A bordello is—”

“I know what a bordello is,” Alice said.

“Slut,” Humpty said, then continued.

Beware the Jabbercock, my girl!
The pole that jabs the secret patch!
Torment shall make her toesies curl,
She was so shunned, they bandersnatch.

“So far, the poem is about being taken to the Hall of Denied Orgasms and being mercilessly teased by the Jappercocky,” Humpty explained.

“What’s a bandersnatch?”

“A woman was shunned and exiled from the kingdom. Get it?”

“No.”

“They banned her snatch.”

Bandersnatch. Alice rolled her eyes. The only thing worse than poetry was poetry with bad puns.

“Shall I continue?” Humpty asked.

“I really wish you wouldn’t, but I guess you should.”

Humpty cleared his throat, spat, and went on.

A soul condemned to face the beast,
By missionench, so crimson mean,
But pleasure fiftyfold increased,
Made her then the Golden Queen.

“A missionench is a wench who only allows the missionary position,” Humpty said.

Alice nodded. “Crimson mean. That’s the Red Queen?”

“That’s her.”

“So who is the Golden Queen?”

Humpty rolled his eyes. “I have no idea, blondie. I wonder who it could be? Insert sarcastic emoticon here.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ll continue.”

The Jabbercock shall masturbate,
Poor Golden Queen with fiendish chode,
But she shall rise and liberate,
And jabbing pole shall overload!

“So the Golden Queen takes on the Jabbercocky,” Alice said. “What’s a chode?”

“It’s a penis that is wider in girth than it is long.”

Alice laughed. “You’re kidding! Such a thing doesn’t exist.”

Humpty pulled down his panties, exposing a very short, but extremely thick member. It looked like the top of a fire hydrant. It was even bright red like one.

“Oh, wait,” Humpty said. “That’s my toy fire hydrant. Hold on.”

He tossed that aside, exposing a very short, but extremely thick member. It looked like a penis, only shorter and wider.

“And you wanted me to put that in my mouth?” Alice said, shocked. “I don’t know if I could even fit my lips around it.”

“But think of the fun you’d have trying.”

Alice did think about it, and her thoughts made her aware of her piercings. She shifted uncomfortably from one leg to another, but that only made the feeling worse.

One, two! One, two! And through and through
Until the machilit the smoke,
The souls condemned, they came and flew,
While Golden Queen BJ’ed her bloke.

“So she beats the Jabbercock,” Alice said. “I’m guessing machilit is a portmanteau of machine and lit. Maybe it lights on fire and starts to smoke?”

“Good guess. And then she gave her boyfriend a blowjob. Want to practice on me?”

Humpty grabbed himself, and he was so thick his fingers couldn’t fit around it.

“Maybe later,” Alice said. “Finish the poem, if you please.”

Freedom rang in Kingdom high!
Snowballing and hot bukkake!
Gokkun, felching, and creampie!
Queen shall wed the panty jockey!

“So everyone went free, and debauchery returned to the kingdom.” Humpty said. “Are you familiar with all of those words?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Snowballing is passing a man’s essence from mouth to mouth by kissing. Creampie is when a man’s essence leaks out of a body part. Felching is sucking a man’s essence out of the body orifice where it was deposited.”

“But I named my cats Snowball, Felcher, and Creampie!” Alice said, shocked by the definitions.

“Slut,” Humpty admonished. “And, of course, bukkake and gokkun are Japanese terms.”

“What do those mean?”

“Do I look like Google?” Humpty asked, tugging on his chode.

“No, but—watch out!”

While pleasuring himself, Humpty had lost balance, and he plummeted off the wall and fell right at Alice’s feet.

“Oh, my!” Alice knelt beside him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said, sitting up.

“You are?”

“Of course I am. It was just a small fall. What, did you expect me to break into a million pieces?”

“Well, I—”

“I’m a man, not a 95% chemical compound of calcium carbonate crystals stabilized by a protein matrix.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not an egg. I just have a gland problem, exacerbated by an eating disorder.”

“But, the Humpty Dumpty poem…”

“Does the poem ever say that I’m an egg?”

Alice ran through it in her head. “No, I guess not.”

“Do eggs get hard-ons?” he said, gripping himself.

“Not that I’ve heard of.”

“Then drop it with the egg nonsense. Now help me up, and I’ll accompany you to the orgy at Lion and Unicorn Park. I was planning on warning them about the raid anyway.”

Alice helped Humpty up, and in doing so got a closer look at his member. It couldn’t have been more than four inches long, but it was indeed equally as wide.

“Impressive, ain’t it?” Humpty said, shaking his hips.

“Yes,” she said, shyly.

“You’re thinking about what it would feel like inside you.”

Alice blushed, but nodded.

“The raid isn’t scheduled for another hour, so we got some time. Go ahead and use me.”

Alice considered it. The idea was kind of crazy, Humpty Dumpty wasn’t appealing at all, but she really did want to know what that fat monster felt like, and it had been more than 2500 words since the last sex scene.

“Okay,” Alice said. “But go slow and easy.”

“Low and sleazy, that’s me. Now lemme see those titties.”

Alice paused a moment, then shrugged and pulled her blouse up over her head without even unbuttoning it, her breasts bobbing free. Humpty grabbed them in his fat fingers, rubbing his thumbs over her nipples until they stood at attention, the golden rings swinging proudly.

“You’re very beautiful, Alice.”

Alice didn’t return the compliment, because Humpty looked a lot like a fat, pink toad, if fat pink toads dressed in women’s underwear. But he was doing a pretty good job with her nipples. And his prick was magnificent.

She reached down and couldn’t even fit her hand completely around it. The head was oval and—go figure—egg-shaped. Alice tugged on the foreskin, surprised by how hard Humpty was.

“How do you find pants to fit?” she asked, genuinely interested.

“I only wear panties, remember? Can you help me with my bra?”

Alice felt for him, for often she had a hard time with the clasp as well. “I know a trick. Pull it around backwards, so you can undo it in front.”

He followed instructions, and easily unhooked the undergarment, letting it drop to the ground. Then he kicked off his very large strappy sandals—honestly they had to be a size 15 triple wide, and he was Alice’s height exactly. And although his face wasn’t anything to look at either, his eyes were bright and twinkled with mischief, which Alice found quite erotic.

He skimmed one of his hands down her belly and entered her with a finger, making Alice squeak with surprise. His finger was larger than some men she’d known before Lewis, not that she’d known many, of course.

“You’re so wet,” he cooed. “That’s hot.”

Humpty moved his finger in and out so rapidly, it made Alice’s knees weak. Seeming to sense this, Humpty grabbed her bottom with his other hand, both holding her up and pressing her closer to his clever jabbing. Alice stood there, pinned by his enormous hands, as he worked her slot with more speed than she’d ever known.

“Oh my oh my oh my OH MY!” Alice cried out, squirming against him, her new piercing intensifying the wonderful sensation.

“Do you like this?” Humpty asked, breathing hot on her neck.

“Ugn… ugn… yes…”

“I can go slower, if you want.”

Cupping her butt cheek firmly, he slowly withdrew his chubby finger, wiggling it as he did. Then he teased her lips and ran his moist fingertip along her most sensitive part, making Alice’s whole body clench. She squeezed her eyes shut, concentrating on the sensations. Ever so slowly, Humpty inserted the finger again, all the way to the last knuckle, moving it back and forth like a scolding parent. Alice ground her hips into his hands, grunting, then crying out when Humpty’s thumb stroked her clitoris, tingling her barbell.

Alice began to come, and as she did Humpty used his other hand—the one squeezing her rear—to insert a finger into her other opening. It was only the tip, but it stretched Alice wide and made everything happening in front even more intense. Alice clutched his shoulders, digging her nails in, and screamed as she climaxed, shuddering and clenching as Humpty worked his fingers back and forth, back and forth, using her body as his own personal Chinese finger cuffs while she rode the wave.

When Alice’s senses returned, she opened her eyes and stared at Humpty, who was grinning with apparent satisfaction.

“Want to see if you can get your mouth around it?” Humpty asked, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

Alice swallowed, and nodded, because right now she wanted that more than almost anything.

Humpty released her and Alice sank to her knees, staring into the eye of his monster. With one hand she weighed his gigantic balls, which were not only big as peaches, but heavy as the fruit, too. Alice’s other hand grasped him at the root, pulling back his skin. She gave the head a slow, tentative lick, and seriously doubted she could fit something that wide into her mouth, let alone anywhere else in her body.

“Oh, yeah,” Humpty said. “Get it nice and slick.”

Alice continued to lick, alternating with full-lipped kisses. She sucked on the side as if giving a hickey, and Humpty moaned. Then, sticking out her tongue so it covered her lower teeth, Alice opened her mouth as wide as she could, and tried to force the massive head into her mouth.

It went in, just barely, and filled Alice so that her cheeks bulged out. She began to move her head back and forth, but couldn’t do any real sucking because it was simply too big. From the sounds Humpty made, he seemed to be enjoying it. But in truth, Alice wasn’t. Her jaw was stretched too far, and the whole process was uncomfortable. She kept going, however, partly because of the wonderful orgasm Humpty had just given her, and partly because she hoped he would climax, because Alice didn’t think she’d be able to fit this massive member in her secret garden.

Humpty seemed to sense her discomfort, and he pulled free and then caressed her sore cheeks.

“Congrats,” he said. “Not many women can do that. You have a big mouth.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Want to try sex?”

Alice chewed her lower lip. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I can handle you.”

“Won’t know until you try,” Humpty said, winking. Then he was lying on his back, hands clasped behind his head, fat toes wiggling.

Alice’s early comparison to a fire hydrant was appropriate. She stared at his manhood in awe, sure there was no way she could ride something that wide.

“I thought your tits were beautiful before. You should see them from underneath.” He said the words softly, reverently, and yet Alice felt them in her core. “Play with your nipples a little, will you?”

Alice did, and her nipples tingled and peeked in front of Humpty’s appreciative eyes.

“I wish I could film a porno of you right now. Every guy on earth couldn’t help stroking his pole to the sight of those luscious tits.”

The appreciation in Humpty’s voice made her wish Hatta and Haigha were here right now recording her newest adventure. Humpty’s comments and the enthralled look on his face were making her feel like gold.

Hot gold.

“Do you like hearing me talk dirty, Alice?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you like me saying crude and naughty words? Like when I talk about your tits?”

Alice thought she probably shouldn’t, but she had to admit she kind of did. “It’s exciting. A little forbidden, I guess.”

“How about pussy? Would you think it was hot if I said that word?”

She felt a little thrill down below. “Yes, I guess it would be hot.”

“Okay, let’s try this: Will you show me your pussy, Alice? Will you stand over me and give me a peek?”

Alice knew she shouldn’t do that. But again, it was exciting. Thrilling, even. So she stood over Humpty, a leg on either side of his head, her thighs spread wide.

He reached for his member and started fondling. “You are so sexy, Alice. So wet. Do you like me staring at your spread pussy?”

She swallowed into a dry throat. “Yes, I do.”

“Can you touch yourself while I watch?”

She did, and sensation zinged along every nerve.

“How wet are you, Alice?” Humpty asked.

“Wet.”

“Really wet? Check and see.”

She slid her fingers over herself, then deep inside, feeling the orgasm building again. “Yes.”

“Dripping? Because I think I can see you dripping for me, Alice.”

“Yes, I’m dripping.”

“For me? Staring up here at your pussy and your jutting nipples? Are you dripping for me, Alice?”

He was crude and rude and her legs felt weak. “Yes, for you.”

“For which part of me, Alice?”

“For you, Humpty.”

“For which part? Say it, Alice. And say it dirty.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“I think you can, Alice. I think an amazing, sexy woman like you can do anything. Now what are you dripping for, Alice?”

“For your huge cock, Humpty. I’m dripping for your cock.”

“My huge cock wants to be inside you, Alice. Inside your dripping wet garden. The beautiful garden I’m staring at right now. Do you want that, Alice?”

“Yes, Humpty.”

“Do you want it bad?”

She did. She was so wet. She was so ready. “I want it bad, Humpty.”

“Then lower your smoking hot self over me, Alice. Let me fill you. Let me impale you.”

Alice moved lower, positioning herself over his manhood, and began to slowly drop down. When the tip bumped against her, Alice’s first reaction was to do as Humpty suggested and impale herself upon it. But she feared if she went too quickly, she’d split in half. So instead, she rubbed herself over him, her opening and her clit, moving, moistening, teasing herself into a frenzy.

She really was dripping for him, and it didn’t take long to coat him with her juices. Then she moved her opening just above the soft apex of his glans, and gently eased onto his fat, rigid head, and then all the way in, to the hilt.

Her body filled. Her skin stretched. The rim of her opening felt hot, almost burning.

“You feel so good, Alice. I knew you would feel this good.”

She gasped in a sharp breath, then another.

“I love how your breasts bounce when you do that. Do it again, Alice.” And his fat fingers found her nipples, teasing and flicking.

And Alice found herself moving, slowly, carefully, but moving all the same. He was so big, her muscles could do nothing but clench, and as her body gripped him, and she slowly thrust herself on him, in and out, in and out, the heat kindled into fire and the fire started to consume her.

She’d had a lot of orgasms that day. So many, she’d totally lost count. But between the thrusting and the stretching and the gripping and the friction, Alice totally lost control.

Her screams echoed over all the paths through all the trees in Looking Glass Land, and she suspected that the spasm of her muscles and the fire in her loins would never stop. Then finally Humpty gave out a shout of his own and his hips bucked several times.

“Damn,” he said. “That was epic.”

Alice felt him grow soft inside her, and with some effort she slid free.

“Oh my heavens, Humpty. That was something else.”

“Wasn’t it, though?” Said Humpty, and then the most peculiar thing happened.

Humpty hugged her.

And it wasn’t a lecherous hug, and it wasn’t crude or dirty or mean. It was sweet and warm and made Alice feel nice inside.

“Now let’s go to the orgy and get us some tail!” he said, and they didn’t bother dressing (except for Alice slipping on her blue pumps) but simply hurried through yet another path in the woods, this one warm and humid like a warm and humid tunnel or cave or something totally unerotic like that.

Chapter 7

The Lion and the Unicorn

After all the sex she’d had in the past eighty-odd pages, Alice was feeling quite sated, and the closer she and Humpty came to Lion and Unicorn Park, and the more annoying sticks and mud and nettles they had to wade through, the less Alice felt she needed more sex.

“So tell me something, Humpty.”

“Something, Alice.”

“No, I mean answer a question.”

“Okay then. My answer is yes.”

“I haven’t asked the question yet.”

“Maybe not, but that’s my standard response to any question directed to me from a hot woman. Especially one who is completely naked, such as yourself.”

Alice supposed that was fair, having read a bit on the subject of testosterone and the male sex drive, so instead of commenting, she just went ahead and asked her question. “Do I have to have sex with everyone I meet in Looking Glass Land?”

“Are you talking about everyone you meet? Or everyone your genitals meet? Because by then, Alice, you’re already having sex.”

Alice shook her head. She’d come to like Humpty, but she realized that like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, she liked sex with him much better than conversation. But since he was walking with her now, and she wanted to know the answer to her question before she arrived at the orgy, she decided not to get too annoyed. “Do I have to have sex with everyone I see, whether I want to or not?”

“Didn’t you want to have sex with me, Alice?” The poor egg-shaped man looked a bit bereft.

Alice had to be honest, because honesty is a heroic trait and she is the heroine of this story. “Not at first, no. But then you kind of grew on me.”

“I grew really hard and thick, and you wanted to try out the chode.”

She glanced down at his outrageously wide member, which was back to being rigid and bouncing with each of his fat-legged strides. “Actually, yes.”

“Did it stretch your mind, Alice?”

“I think so, yes.” Truth be told, it had also stretched other parts, parts that were still a bit sore. “But if I don’t want to have sex with someone in this place, can I decide not to? Because it seems that I’m humping everyone in sight.”

“Only you can answer that, Alice.”

Alice thought about that for a few steps. “I don’t seem to be very discerning.”

“Maybe you’re just becoming more open-minded.” Humpty shrugged. “Just because you fantasize about something Alice, doesn’t mean you necessarily have to do it in real life.”

“In real life, I haven’t slept with anyone since I broke up with Lewis.” And right then, she felt like she wanted to cry again for what she had done to him. “And I most want to be with him.”

Humpty looked bored. “That’s nice.”

“But on this side of the looking glass, I seem to be having sex at the drop of a hat with everyone I see.”

“That’s because this is a sexual fantasy, Alice.”

“What?”

“A fantasy. Think about it, Alice. Why would you fantasize about someone you didn’t want to have sex with? I mean those individuals wouldn’t even be in your fantasy in the first place. That would just be a waste of time. And pages.”

Alice supposed that made a lot of sense, and as she continued down the path with Humpty, she could feel her piercing rub between her legs and the hot sun and cool breeze caress the rings in her bare nipples, and by the time they arrived at Lion and Unicorn Park, Alice was hoping to meet some new people, because she felt quite wet and ready to have sex with them, both immediately and vigorously. That, after all, was the point of fantasy.

The first people they encountered when they entered the park were the wildflowers, Lily, Rose and Daisy, along with several women Alice had yet to meet. They were in a circle, alternating being on their knees and on their backs, so the flower behind could lap at the nectar in front.

“Hello, Alice,” said Daisy. “How do you like this position? I just made it up.”

“It’s very nice, Daisy.” And Alice meant it. Watching each of the women lick the other, their faces glistening and breasts heaving with desire, was making her want to touch herself again. “What is it called?”

“Why a Daisy chain, of course,” she answered. “Would you like to join us?”

Alice might consider it, if not for having developed a special aversion to groan-worthy puns. But she didn’t have much of a chance, because Humpty was already jumping in, pushing his large-eggy body between Lily and a woman with long, pendulous breasts that Alice swore she’d seen within the pages of an old National Geographic in her grade school’s musty library (and found quite exciting when she was young). Humpty directed the woman to sit on his face, and Lily opened her mouth wide (very!) and managed to fit Humpty inside.

Alice watched for a while, but then continued on her way. Now that she understood she didn’t have to feel guilty for having sex with everyone she bumped into in Looking Glass Land, she was eager to meet some new faces… and, um, other body parts.

The next frolickers she encountered was a group of men milling around on the grass. Alice looked at each in turn, she realized she had seen every single one of them before. Not in Looking Glass Land, but in Alice’s day-to-day life.

The first was a handsome black man she recognized immediately as her professor for Math 101. He was so handsome and creative and nice, that all the girls seemed to have a crush on him, and although Alice had only been to a few classes thus far, she was no exception.

Next to him stood a Samoan wrestler Alice remembered seeing in a match on TV. He had tattoos on his beefy body, but the most striking were circling his face.

There were other men, too. A cute actor from a romantic comedy Alice had Netflixed three times. A pro football player she thought was hot. A biker wearing leather and chains who she’d once spotted walking into a bar. Her favorite member of a boy band, back when she was a screaming preteen. The cop who’d given her a speeding ticket last week. A Latino heartthrob she’d swooned over on Dancing with the Stars.

Some of them wore leather, their bodies crisscrossed with straps and studs. Some of them had jewelry decorating their members, their sacks, their faces and nipples and tongues. Some were clean cut, but carrying a gleam in their eyes that was shocking and dirty indeed.

Alice was wondering whom she should approach first when she turned around a hedge and smacked right into a boy she’d had a crush on before she’d started dating Lewis.

“Oh, my!” exclaimed Alice, and her first thought was that he looked as cute as he had back in high school, and her second was that she was totally naked except for her pumps, and her third was that he was naked, too.

“Hello, Alice,” he said to her breasts. “It’s nice to see you.”

Her nipples tingled and tightened under his gaze and her cheeks heated in a blush. “It’s nice to see you, too, Dodgson.”

His focus skimmed down to her shaved special place, the sparkle of jewelry and shine of moisture visible where her nether lips met. “You sure are looking fine,” he said to her crotch, and his member started to lengthen and rise.

Alice was getting very excited now, adding to her embarrassment. She didn’t have to wonder why Dodgson was in her fantasy. She’d yearned to have sex with him since puberty, and he’d only been interested in the head cheerleader. But the shock of seeing him here, nude and ready, made her have to catch her breath sharply.

And that made her breasts bounce. She hoped Dodgson noticed.

But he’d dropped his gaze to her blue pumps. “Do you want to have sex with me, Alice?” he asked.

“Very much,” Alice answered, her boldness giving her a naughty thrill.

But Dodgson didn’t kiss her or touch her breasts or lift his gaze from her shoes. In fact, he didn’t respond to her at all.

Alice thought that was strange, but instead of assuming her own fantasy was rejecting her, which would have either been preposterous or an indication of very low self-esteem, she decided to be more specific. “Would you like to sink your wand of passion into my pleasure well?” And to illustrate, she spread her legs a little farther apart.

But still Dodgson didn’t react to her offer. Instead he knelt down at her feet.

Another naughty idea popping into her mind, Alice stepped over him, giving him a good clear look at her private area and the glorious upward view of her breasts and erect nipples. She was feeling a little desperate now, and (very!) horny, and she wanted some action. “I want you to plunge your hard cock inside me.”

He didn’t look up, his gaze still glued to her shoes.

When even her most crude attempt at dirty talk didn’t work, Alice knew something was wrong. “Do you want to have sex with me, Dodgson?”

“Yes, Alice.”

“Then tell me what you want.” she finally said.

“Step on me,” he said.

“Excuse me?”

Dodgson dropped down onto his back. “I want you to put your foot on me, Alice.”

“With my heels on?”

“At first.”

The request was strange, certainly, but since she now had an open mind, she thought what the heck and rested her blue pump on Dodgson’s belly, right above his erection.

He moaned.

Alive dug her heel in a bit, twisting it, and he said, “Oh, yes.”

Curious at how curious this was, Alice moved her shoe up to Dodgson’s face, where he—amazingly—began to suck her spiked heel. Alice was going to comment on how that was probably unsanitary, considering all the dirt paths she’d been on, but Dodgson looked deliriously happy.

“May I sniff inside your shoe, Alice?”

Alice shrugged. “Sure.”

He carefully removed the pump, held it to his nose, and took deep, sighing breaths. “May I touch your foot, Alice?” he asked.

“Knock yourself out.”

Dodgson ran his hands across her sole, cupping her heel, pressing and kneading. His fingers separated her toes, massaging each one individually.

“May I lick and suck your toes?”

“Might as well.”

And he did, and to Alice’s surprise, his massaging and licking and sucking felt wonderful. And she watched in fascination as his manhood grew hard as rock.

“Curious,” she said, though she didn’t mean to say the word out loud.

“Beg pardon?” Dodgson said between licks.

“My feet seem to excite you.”

“Your feet are glorious, Alice. Not that I don’t appreciate the rest of your charms, but your feet really turn me on.”

“Why do you like feet so much?” she asked, truly interested to know.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I just do. They make me hard. And yours are so beautiful and sexy, they make me want to come right now.”

Alice shrugged. She guessed everyone had their kinks. “Would you like me to rub your staff of plenty with my toes?”

Dodgson beamed. “Will you?”

Alice sat on the ground, and she did. And she had to admit, it was kind of fun, too. As she toyed with his stiff manhood, she played with herself, and had an enjoyable time.

“I’m… I’m coming…”

Alice rubbed faster, and soon her toes were covered by his creamy essence, but before she could say anything, he had cleaned her off and was attending to her feet, massaging and sucking, all over again.

This guy would be great to have around after a long day of shopping at the mall, but Alice had other body parts that needed attention. “That was fun Dodgson, but I’m afraid I have to go.”

“Don’t go, Alice, I’m just getting started.”

That may have been so, but after playing with his member and watching him come, Alice was now so horny and dripping wet she wanted some attention paid to her cave of delights, not her feet. “See ya around,” she called, and she left her pumps with him, because he seemed to like them more than she did, and then she spotted the Red King.

He had taken off his red robe since she’d last seen him, and he was wearing nothing but his crown and a curious red rubber device that encircled his engorged manhood with one strap and his balls with the other, keeping him high and erect and straining.

“Good day, Alice. I just saw you with Dodgson over there. Quite open-minded of you to cater to his unorthodox needs.”

“Did you enjoy watching?” Alice asked. She knew the question was bold, but she was turned on by royalty, as evidenced by all the adventures she’d had to date, and she hadn’t quite gotten over her disappointment that the Red King hadn’t been able to complete his thrusting into her secret garden back at the Looking Glass House. She believed that sort of thing was called thrustus interruptus.

“I did. It is always exciting to see my favorite movie star in action.”

Alice’s face crinkled. “Dodgson is a movie star?”

“Not Dodgson, Alice. You. You’re the star of Alice’s Sexual Piercing Adventure, the number one adult film of all time.”

“But they just made that movie less than an hour ago. You’ve seen it?”

“Everyone has seen it. You’re the fantasy of everyone here, Alice.”

“I am?”

“Indeed. In fact, you are the subject of an unbearably long poem. Would you like to hear it?”

“No, thank you,” said Alice, desperate to avoid more stupid poetry.

“Are you sure?”

“Quite sure.”

“I could just recite a few dozen stanzas. It will be brief.”

“I truly don’t want to hear any more poetry, no matter how brief.”

Apparently unable to help himself, the King opened his mouth to recite anyway. “The lion and the unicorn were—”

But before he could complete the first line, a brilliant idea popped into Alice’s head; the perfect way to avoid more poetry. She dropped to her knees and took the king’s straining member into her mouth.

“—fighting… oh, mercy!”

And he forgot all about the poem and began thrusting wildly, sliding on her tongue. Alice grabbed his legs, and settled into his rhythm, sucking and teasing and delighting in the sounds he made. She wasn’t sure if she wanted him to shoot his essence into her mouth or shower it all over her breasts or bury himself inside her, but any way he did it, the thought excited her so much, she could feel an orgasm building without any stimulation at all.

The Red King’s moans had just reached a fevered pitch, when he suddenly stopped. “No, no, wait. Before I come, there’s something I do want, more than anything.”

Alice let his hardness slide from her lips and she peered up at him. She couldn’t help wondering what kind of kink the Red King was into. “What do you want me to do?”

“Ever since I watched you in that mirror, pleasuring yourself, and then we were interrupted, I’ve wanted to drill into you from behind again and send your breasts bouncing like that. Is there a chance that…”

“Certainly,” Alice said, for she was partial to that position, at least she seemed to be in this particular adventure. And of course, she was always eager to be of use, especially where royalty was concerned.

So she stood up and braced her palms on the refreshment table and spread her legs apart, tilting her bottom upward to fully display the entrance of her love tunnel. And the men gathered to watch. Hatta and Haigha brought their cameras. The wildflowers arrived in a bouquet with the Tweedles and Humpty. And the White Queen joined the party, too.

“Oh me, oh my,” said the King. He positioned himself behind her and swirled his rigid head around and around in her wetness. “You are so beautiful and sexy, Alice. And so very, very fresh and eager and heavy with dew. Not at all like the Red Queen.”

And Alice thought about what Humpty said about her royalness insisting on boredom and falling asleep on the Jabbercock. And although she wondered if those things were true, she thought it was probably rude to ask at the moment the Red King was getting ready to enter her.

So she didn’t, and he did.

He moved slowly at first, gliding inside, then pulling out. Then his strokes grew faster, and soon he was pounding into her, his sack slapping against her hungry nub. Then his fingers were on her as well, teasing and inspiring and grabbing her hips and thrusting.

Pressure built in Alice and her breasts bounced and all the men and women from her fantasies stroked themselves and each other and a full out orgy ensued.

“These positions are not approved!” A screech ripped through the park and frightened the birds in the trees. Everyone looked up at the Red Queen, who stood in the center of the gazebo and had her arm outstretched and finger pointed at the crowd in an accusatory manner.

“All of you are in violation!” she declared. “Knight! Arrest them, and take every last one to the HDO!”

Chapter 8

“It’s My Own Invention”

Everyone scattered, like a bunch of people scattering, and Alice ran with them, bumping into Humpty, who was struggling to keep up.

“I thought you were going to warn everyone about the raid!” she scolded.

“Lost track of time. Blowjobs do that to a guy. Run and hide, Alice! Don’t let the Knight catch you!”

“I won’t!” Alice said. “Never!”

Then the Knight caught her. He galloped by on a great steed and grabbed her arm, yanking her up behind him. The horse was moving at such a quick clip that Alice was forced to throw her arms around him, grasping his armor-plated mid section, holding on for her life as the horse leapt over some hedges and headed down—you guessed it—a path through the woods.

“Let me go!” Alice cried.

“But you’re the one holding me,” said the Knight.

“That’s because you’re going so fast. Slow down at once.”

“I only take orders from the Red Queen, said the Knight. And she demanded you be taken to the Hall of Denied Orgasms.”

A tremor of fear seized Alice. “Please, I don’t want to be taken to that dreadful place.”

“Okay. We’ll go somewhere else then.”

“Really?”

“No, of course not, you naive wench. To the HDO with you. The Jabbercocky will tame your firey spirit, that’s for sure.”

“What do you know of the Jabbercock?” Alice asked, voice quivering.

“It’s my own invention. I designed it. Just like the chapter heading said.”

“You designed a machine to sexually torment people without allowing them release? What kind of person would do something so terrible?”

“Why, a sadist, of course. But I’m not into the whole beating and dominating scene. I simply prefer to tie up nubile young ladies and tease them until they go insane.”

That sounded vaguely familiar. Alice hadn’t gotten a look at the Knight’s face, because it was hidden under one of those armor helmets with the beaked nose. But even though his voice was hollow and echoey, Alice thought she’d recognized it.

“Gnat? Is that you?”

The Knight turned around, and lifted up his face shield thingy.

“Hello, Alice,” said Gnat. “I must say, you were terrific in Alice’s Sexual Piercing Adventure. And Alice’s Multi-Orgasmic Gangbang in the Park was even more fantastic. When that Samoan went down on you—pure cinema magic. It is my favorite film of all time. I even liked it more than Wall-E.”

“Gnat! I thought we were friends!”

“We are, Alice.”

“So how can you do this to me?”

“Simple. First I strap you down, so you cannot move no matter how you struggle. Then I switch on the Jabbercock—”

“That isn’t what I mean, Gnat. I mean how can you be so cruel to your friend?”

“You heard my sadist comment earlier, right?”

“But I won’t be able to stand being teased without release, Gnat! I shall go mad!”

“You’ll be fine. Unless you really do go mad, in which case Looking Glass Land has one of the best psychiatric hospitals in the nation. Do you have medical insurance, Alice?”

A sign on the path read HALL OF DENIED ORGASMS JUST AHEAD.

“Please, Gnat. I beg you.”

“Sadists like begging, Alice. It turns us on. If I wasn’t wearing armor, you could see the evidence.”

And then the woods ended and Alice saw it; a dark, stone castle, looking forbidding in the distance.

“Anything but this, Gnat. You can spank me.”

“Really?”

“You can tie me down and whip me. Cane me. Force yourself upon me.”

“Go on.”

“You can have any part of me, Gnat. I’ll be your slave. I’ll do whatever you ask. But please, don’t take me to the Jabbercocky.”

“Your begging has given my such a hard-on Alice. It is so arousing that I think I might…”

“Yes?”

“In fact, I know I shall…”

“Shall what, Gnat?”

“I shall pleasure myself while watching the Jabbercocky ravage you. But not for the whole eight hours, of course.”

“Eight hours?!”

“I have other things to do today. Maybe I’ll come back and check on you a few times, see how the torment is going.”

“You’re dreadful!”

“Thank you very much,” Gnat said, and then they entered the Hall of Denied Orgasms.

Chapter 9

Queen Alice

Gnat the Knight (both the G and K were silent) dismounted the horse and then hefted Alice up on his shoulder and walked into the Hall of Denied Orgasms. As he crossed the moat on the drawbridge and neared the entrance, Alice heard a cacophony of plaintive moans and groans coming from the castle. Sounds of sexual desperation. Begging, groaning, panting, and even some sobbing.

Alice had to admit, terrified as she was, the sounds were pretty arousing.

“Ah, listen to that,” Gnat said over the clank clank clank of his armored footfalls. “So much frustration. Remember our time in the orchard, Alice? The Jabbercocky is going to make that seem trivial. You’re going to be teased for so long, you’ll scarcely be human by the time it’s over. Just imagine it. Kept on the very threshold or climax, for eight full hours, without release.”

“How about when the eight hours end?” Alice said.

“Then you’ll come like crazy. I’m a sadist, Alice, not a monster. But even though it will undoubtedly be the biggest orgasm of your life, it won’t be worth all the torment leading up to it. The Jabbercock breaks even the most committed masochist and the most diehard submissive. Even those who ache for discipline and humiliation cannot withstand the Jabbercocky’s awesome power.”

The cries became louder as they crossed the threshold. Alice craned her head up over Gnat’s shoulder to see, even though it frightened her to do so. She’d been expecting a dark, dank dungeon, with the suffering hanging on walls by chains, or in rusty iron cages. Instead, the hall was furnished quite tastefully in the Mediterranean style, lots of wood and earth tones, vases boasting lovely fresh bouquets of assorted flowers, soft lighting in the form of candles, oil lamps, and several skylights. It could have been a living room in a well-to-do home in Sicily.

The accused were comfortably seated on chaise lounges, bound to them with matching leather cuffs and buckles. Alice counted seven unfortunates, each moaning and sweating and gyrating without relief as the Jabbercocky tormented their yearning genitals.

The Jabbercocky also fit into the room’s decor, in a feng shui sort of way. It occupied the center of the round room, several meters high, surrounded by an assortment of potted ferns. Painted brown in color, this mechanical feat of wizardry was a clinking, whirling collection of gears and pistons and articulated machinations, with spiderlike arms that extended in all directions, attending to the torments of each of the bound victims. It also had a large smiley face painted on it, and under that a sign that read GOOD BEHAVIOR, WELL CHASTIZED.

Gnat placed Alice on her feet and held her firmly around the waist from behind. She was aware of her naked bottom pressing against the metal codpiece of his suit of armor, and Alice fought a desire to rub her growing wetness up against him. If the sexual sounds of the punished weren’t arousing enough, the sight of them made her nipples tighten and her throat go dry.

In the first chair, strapped and spread-eagled, was Rose, from the garden. One of the Jabbercock’s articulated arms had a buzzing vibrator on the end of it, and it alternated touching her pillowy breasts and the sensitive spot between her legs. Rose was bathed in sweat, straining against her bonds, saying to herself over and over “pleaseohpleaseohplease” while gyrating as much as her restraints allowed. But the Jabbercocky never stimulated her more than a few seconds before pulling away, as if it knew exactly how close she was to orgasm and wouldn’t allow it.

“The Jabbercocky knows exactly how close she is to orgasm, but won’t allow it,” Gnat said. “The chair is monitoring her vitals. Pulse, heart rate, wetness, breathing, muscle contractions. As it stimulates her close to climax, it adjusts to pull away before she is allowed release.”

“That’s horrible,” Alice said.

“Yes. Isn’t it a turn on?”

Alice refused to admit it was. But seeing Rose squirm, on the precipice of ecstasy, made Alice’s legs weak. She imagined herself in the chair, helpless in the throes of teasing, growing wetter and more crazed with each light touch of the vibrator.

Seated next to Rose was Dodgson, from the park. The Jabbercock had an arm above his head, where a hanging mobile of women’s cha cha heels spun close to Dodgson’s upturned face. They were of various colors, some of the platform variety, others with plumes of ostrich feathers, others strappy stilettos.

“The shoes have all been worn,” Gnat said, “so they have an odor which he finds intoxicating.”

Alice noticed that another robotic arm, which had a very realistic-looking rubber foot on it, kept prodding poor Dodgson’s bobbing erection. It would rub against him, stroking for a moment as it wiggled articulated female toes that looked exactly like the real thing, and then pull away.

“You’re using his kink against him,” Alice said. “That’s dreadful.”

Gnat moved his hands up to Alice’s chest, the cold metal of his gauntlets teasing her nipples. “Hello? Sadist. That’s the point.”

On the other side of Dodgson was poor Humpty, who thrashed in his chair as if he were being beaten. But he wasn’t. Instead, the Jabbercock’s arm repeatedly pressed a glistening artificial vagina on the head of Humpty’s erect chode. But he never penetrated it more than a centimeter.

“It’s too small for him,” Gnat said, obviously delighted. “So all it does it torment him.”

Humpty caught Alice’s eye. He looked so desperate, so needy for an orgasm, that it broke Alice’s heart. She tried to run to him, but Gnat grabbed her arm.

“Is it too much for your friend?” he asked.

“Yes. Please stop it. I implore you.”

“Very well.”

Gnat picked up a remote control on the table and pressed a button. The small artificial vagina retracted, and it was replaced by the incredibly realistic rubber head of a famous starlet. She opened her lush lips and descended upon Humpty’s chode—

But it still didn’t fit. Her lips simply brushed Humpty’s straining tip, over and over.

“You’re a monster,” she told Gnat.

“Yeah. Pretty much. It makes you wet, though,” Gnat said. “I can tell. And look how erect your nipples are.”

Alice refused to dignify his claim, even though it was true. Though she’d been sated in the park, seeing all of these groaning, writhing bodies was a ferocious turn-on.

“Why not punish these people with multiple orgasms instead?” Alice said, trying to ignore the pulsing between her thighs. “Surely the Jabbercocky could do that.”

“Of course. But how is that punishment? People would purposely disobey the Red Queen just to be sentenced here.”

“How is that bad?”

“Look, Alice, I don’t agree with the Red Queen’s missionary-only policy. But I’m her Knight, so it is my job to enforce it. The law is the law.”

“It’s a dreadful law.”

“Just because you don’t agree with it, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be enforced. Have you met Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?”

Gnat pointed to the duo, who were strapped into complicated harnesses and suspended in a 69 position. Each of their erect, outstretched members was only inches away from the other’s mouth. Much as they strained their lips and tongues, and much as their charmingly curved erections bobbed and twitched, they couldn’t reach one another. To make the torment even worse, the Jabbercocky’s terrible articulated arms teased each of their bottoms with dildos shaped exactly like their respective penises.

“Those poor, annoying dears,” Alice said. “They love each other so. This must be horrible for them.”

“Watch how it gets worse.”

Alice watched as suddenly their harnesses moved closer to one another, allowing them each to greedily suck. But just as quickly, the Jabbercocky separated them, neither having more than a brief taste.

“No!” they yelled in unison, straining for the other. Then they began to weep.

Perhaps Alice’s open-mindedness had reached the point where she had embraced her inner sadist, but watching the Tweedles tormented so got her really hot. And seated next to them—

The White Queen, strapped to her lounge chair, tears in her eyes. Her legs were wide open, each of her piercings in place, and there were several articulated Jabbercock arms tormenting her with various toys, one after another. First the Sqweel, lapping against the metal rings and studs in the Queen’s femininity, making her screech like a banshee. Then the Eroscillator, going from her nipple rings to her clit. Then a quick insertion of the Drilldo, spinning madly. Then other things Alice hadn’t seen before. A rabbit vibrator like her own, but with an extra length to be inserted into the bottom, which made the Queen quake all over as it pumped in and out of her like a lover. A Hitachi wand, with a phallus-shaped attachment on the end that made the Queen moan when inserted. A clear, round shield that Alice realized was some sort of vacuum pump, which sucked at the Queen’s nether lips and clit and plumped them up to almost twice their size.

And every time the poor dear seemed close to orgasm, the toy would be removed and replaced by wiggling, robotic fingers that tickled the White Queen until she howled with laughter.

“Tickle torture,” Gnat said. “Quite insidious. She’ll be a wreck when she finally comes.”

“It’s awful,” Alice said. But she couldn’t help thinking about switching places with the Queen, having all of those dreadfully lovely things done to her. The vacuum pump especially seemed interesting. How sensitive would she be while so engorged?

“And yet, you think it’s sexy, don’t you?” Gnat whispered, catching Alice touching herself.

Alice quickly removed her hand. “Yes. Maybe. But only in consensual play. This is being done as punishment.”

“Oh, but everyone here does give their consent, Alice. They each have a choice. The Hall of Denied Orgasms, or banishment. If anyone here decides they can’t handle anymore, they can choose to end it and leave Looking Glass Land.”

“Then I choose banishment,” Alice declared, willing to return home rather than face this torment.

“As you wish. But shouldn’t we take a look at the last person being tormented here first?”

“Who is it? Hatta? Haigha? Lily? The Red King? Daisy? It doesn’t matter. I want out of this place, and out of Looking Glass Land.”

But as she was talking, Alice couldn’t help but notice the last prisoner, bound to a chair and wearing a skimpy bra and panties, writhing and moaning with teary eyes.

“Why, it’s… Lewis!”

Her ex-boyfriend wore Alice’s best underwear, a black lacy set he’d bought for her at Victoria’s Secret. Stuffed into his mouth was one of her red satin thongs. Like Humpty, the Jabbercock teased poor Lewis with an artificial female head, which licked and sucked at his stiff member intensely but briefly. What surprised Alice most of all was that the head looked exactly like her. Same haircut. Same vacant expression. It even had a tongue like hers.

“Lewis still loves you,” Gnat said. “He feels so terrible that you left him. He wished you never found out about his secret kink.”

Alice’s heart sank. “I didn’t know,” she said. “If only I’d been tolerant instead of reacting without thinking.”

“Too late now,” Gnat said. “The poor sap has been here in Looking Glass Land as long as you have, without any release at all. Look at his poor, throbbing erection.”

Alice did, and felt devastated by remorse. “What did the Red Queen accuse him of? Cross-dressing? But that’s harmless!”

“He wasn’t accused of anything. He came here willingly, to punish himself.”

Alice shook her head. “No!”

“Yes. You’ve shamed him so, he feels unworthy of you. This is how he deals with the emotional pain. He suffers because you couldn’t accept him. Let me tell you something, Alice. For all the cruel things I do in this place, I never unfairly judged someone I love.”

“Lewis!” Alice cried, trying to reach for him. But Gnat held her back.

“You chose banishment, Alice. Say goodbye to everyone here. I’ll take you back to your world.”

“But I can’t leave him like this!”

“So, you choose to stay?”

Alice nodded.

“Splendid,” Gnat said, smiling. “Allow me to show you to your seat.”

A moment later Alice was strapped into a lounge chair, legs spread, buckled and straps holding her firmly in place.

“At any moment, if you wish for this to cease, simply tell the Jabbercocky ‘I quit.’ Then you’ll be allowed to climax, and quickly banished. You seem to have a strong will, and I admire your attempts to open your mind. But I tested your limits in the orchard. If you last more than an hour, I’ll be very surprised. But eight hours?” Gnat shook his head. “There is simply no way you can handle that.”

“I can handle whatever you can dish out,” Alice said, defiantly.

Gnat laughed. “Really?”

“Really.”

“I accept that challenge.” Gnat pointed the remote control at the Jabbercocky. “I was going to take it easy on you at first, but now I’m programming it to give you everything it has got. You don’t stand a chance, Alice.”

Then Gnat stepped away, and the Jabbercock’s articulated arms descended upon poor Alice. She stared, helpless, as a large dildo penetrated her, easing in slowly, filling her up in a most delightful way.

Then it began.

The thrusting was gentle, sensual, at first. Already aroused, it made Alice sigh with pleasure, and she could already feel the first inklings of an orgasm dwelling deep within her.

The strokes became deeper, and faster. Two other arms extended and gently tugged her nipple rings, sending a shiver through Alice’s body.

It wasn’t terrible at all. In fact, it was just what she needed.

Suddenly, faster than any human being ever could, the Jabbercock began to pound into Alice with alarming speed. It was not only unexpected, it was unlike anything Alice had ever known. She went from an arousal level of five immediately up to an eight, and as she cried out her voice sounded like a yodel, the tremors in Alice’s body extending all the way to her voice.

Then, abruptly, all motion stopped.

The abrupt change from near climax to no stimulation at all was jarring. Alice’s face was already glistening with perspiration, and she was wetter than she’d ever been. She tried, in vain, to move her hips closer to the dildo, which was only centimeters away, but it retreated an equal distance back.

Her nipple rings were gently stroked, making Alice gasp. But the dildo didn’t return.

“It’s okay,” Alice said to herself. “I can handle it.”

She took in a deep breath and let it out slow, trying to ignore the nipple tugging. Then the Jabbercocky extended another arm, this one with a Hitachi wand on it. The Hitachi was a back massager with a large, spongy rubber head, capable of extremely intense vibrations. Alice watched, transfixed, as it lowered to her nether lips and pressed against her.

Alice sighed at the contact. When it turned on, she screamed.

It was too powerful. The pleasure was so intense, it was almost pain. But it wasn’t pain. It was exquisite, overbearing stimulation to her most sensitive part, and once again Alice rocketed toward a climax—

—that didn’t happen. Just as she came close, the arm retracted, leaving Alice out of breath and dizzy.

“Only seven hours and fifty-eight minutes to go,” Gnat said, smiling down at her.

Before Alice was able to brace herself, both the Hitachi and the dildo ravaged her, and between the buzzing and the thrusting Alice felt ready to burst.

Then it stopped.

“Right now, it’s simply frustrating,” Gnat told her. “But soon, all you’ll be able to think about is when the Jabbercock’s arms will return. The more you think about it, the more aroused you’ll become. The more aroused you become, the longer you’ll have to wait. Your body will turn against you, and you’ll become a mindless, begging slave to your own needs.”

“I will not beg,” Alice said.

Gnat smiled. “They all beg.”

The Jabbercock’s dildo extended again, slowly entering Alice. She ground her teeth, trying not to react, trying to ignore the grunting and screaming and pleading from all around her. Gnat removed his gauntlet, and his codpiece, and he touched himself as the Jabbercock began a slow and easy thrust.

“You’re so beautiful right now Alice,” Gnat said. “This is so exciting. And I can see how aroused you are.”

Alice didn’t want to look at him. She really didn’t like Gnat very much at that moment, and didn’t want to see his member so close, or hear his dirty talk, because it only turned her on even more.

“Do you want the Jabbercock to go faster, Alice?” Gnat asked, furiously abusing himself. “Beg me, and I’ll increase the speed.”

Alice set her jaw.

“No?” Gnat said.

The Hitachi descended, giving Alice a quick, two second jolt of intense vibrations, provoking a desperate whimper from her. She was so close to coming. If only the dildo went just the slightest bit faster…

“Beg for it, Alice. Beg for the speed to increase.”

“No,” Alice said through her teeth. “Never.”

Gnat pressed another button, and more robotic arms surrounded Alice. A tiny plug went into her bottom and vibrated, illuminating all of her tender nerve endings there. Besides the dildo and the Hitachi, a stream of warm water spurted on Alice’s genitals, exactly like the spray from her handheld shower massager, which she used to delightful results even more often than her rabbit vibe. The tiny fingers holding her nipples began to vibrate, and Gnat held his aroused manhood inches away from her mouth as he pumped away.

The sensations overwhelmed Alice. Try as she might to not react, it was simply too much to bear. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing her hips to stay still, fighting to keep from squirming or crying out. But try as she might, the orgasm built and built until—

All movement ceased.

“Seven hours and fifty six minutes left,” Gnat said. “Me? I’ll be done in about a minute. You can watch, if you like.”

Alice’s whole being seemed to be enflamed with desire. She wanted so badly to take Gnat in her mouth, and felt awful for wanting that, but the Jabbercock was turning her into a slut without any self-control. She yearned to press against the arms next time they stimulated her, and realized Gnat’s prediction was coming true; she was becoming more and more aroused, more and more focused on an orgasm that would only be denied. But Alice was unable to focus on anything else. When she tried to take her mind off of the things being done to her, the arms returned, teasing and stroking and vibrating. The water spurt in quick, rapid bursts, hitting her right on her swollen nubbin. The dildo jack-hammered into her then retreated so quickly Alice was shattered by need.

“Beg me,” Gnat said, the cords in his neck beginning to tighten. “Beg me, Alice.”

Alice listened to the tormented cries of her friends. The poor White Queen, laughing while moaning. Humpty, begging to penetrate something, anything. Rose, sobbing with need. Dodgson, grunting with frustration. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, tortured by their strange love and attraction to one another. And Lewis. Poor, sweet, Lewis. Her true love, made to be ashamed of his desires because of her. The sounds they made, the pleasure they were denied simply because they were different from others, reached right down into Alice’s soul and told her what she needed to do.

“I beg you,” she said to Gnat, her eyes welling up with need but her voice strong and sure. “Do whatever you will to me. Keep me here for days if you must. But let my friends come.”

And then a most curious thing happened. With a terrific burst of light, a golden crown appeared on Alice’s head.

“Why, you’ve become a queen,” Gnat said, gawking. “You’ve finally become tolerant of others and opened your mind.”

“Let them climax, Gnat,” Alice said.

“But, I can’t. The Red Queen says—”

“The Red Queen says whoop-de-do,” said the Red Queen, strolling into the Hall. “So, you got yourself a crown. Big deal. I’m the ruler of Looking Glass Land. I’m the one who beat the Jabbercocky.”

“Because you fell asleep,” Alice said.

The Red Queen frowned. “Sex is overrated. All of you people, with your fantasies and your rutting like animals. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Our genitals were created to make babies, not to abuse. They serve a function. Using them recreationally is a waste of time.”

“Why don’t you enjoy sex?” Alice asked. Then she yelped, “Oh my!” So much had been happening that Alice had managed to cool down a bit, and the Jabbercocky sensed that and once again penetrated and vibrated her to near climax.

“I enjoy sex just fine,” said the Red Queen. “As a way to be intimate with my husband. But I’m not like all of you shameless, wicked heathens, who flaunt your promiscuity like it is some badge of honor.”

“You’ve never had an orgasm, have you?” Alice asked between breaths.

“Who cares if I haven’t?” said the Red Queen. “I wouldn’t want to look as foolish as you do, in the throes of passion. All the screaming and moaning and gyrating. It’s downright degrading.”

“An orgasm isn’t degrading,” Alice said. “It is beautiful.” She looked at her friends, still being teased. “It is beautiful, no matter what turns you on or gets you off.”

“Poppycock,” said the Red Queen. “We’ll see how strong willed you are seven hours from now.”

“Perhaps you’d like to sit on my face,” Alice said to her.

The Red Queen turned even redder. “What did you just say?”

“If I have to, I’ll tie you up first. Then I’ll slide my tongue between your soft folds and lick you right where you’re most sensitive,” said Alice. “Slow, fat licks, as I gently ease a finger inside your wet—”

“Shut your slutty mouth,” the Red Queen snapped.

“And Gnat, as I devour the Queen’s sweet nectar with my lips and tongue, you shall enter me from behind. I’ll be wet and ready and yearning for your length. You’ll give me slow strokes at first, then pound into me faster and harder.”

“I’m in,” said Gnat.

The Jabbercock’s arms were all retracted, and sensing her building excitement, nothing touched Alice at all. But the images in her head, intensified by the words she was saying, were making her hotter and hotter.

“And perhaps I’ll have my rabbit vibrator,” Alice said, her juices flowing. “And as you lie there, helpless, Queen, I’ll plunge it deep inside you as I slather your sensitive clitoris with my tongue.”

“Be silent!” the Red Queen said. “I demand it!”

“And Gnat, you can pull out and make me beg for it,” Alice said, catering to Gnat’s particular kink. “Make me scream for you to mount me again, for you to thrust into me. Make me beg until I can’t take it anymore.”

“That’s so hot,” Gnat said.

It was so hot. So hot, in fact, that Alice was on the cusp of a gigantic orgasm without any stimulation at all.

“And right when you do,” Alice said, “you’ll fill me with your sweet cream, and I’ll thrust the rabbit so rapidly into the Queen while licking her that OH MY!”

The climax shuddered through Alice, making her cry out, releasing all the tension that had been building since before she arrived, without any stimulation whatsoever.

In mid-spasm, Alice’s shackles opened up, and the Jabbercocky’s dildo drooped down and touched the floor. Then two other robotic arms appeared, one with a cigarette, and one with a Zippo. The Jabbercock lit up, brought the cigarette to its smiley mouth in its smiley face, and took a deep puff.

Until the machilit the smoke…

This was followed by another flash of light, and the Red Queen’s crown vanished.

“My Queen!” Gnat said, getting on one knee and bowing.

Alice stood up, realizing she was now clothed in a brilliant gold bra and panties. Her tormented friends began to cheer and shout.

“That twas brillig, Alice!”

“You go girl!”

“Callooh! Callay!”

“Someone free my hands so I can jerk off!”

“Arise, Knight,” Alice commanded. “Program the Jabbercocky to make all of my friends climax, and then release them.” She stared at the shocked former Red Queen, who was on the floor, cowering. “Stand up.”

“I’m so sorry, my Golden Queen. Have mercy.”

“I shall,” Alice said. “Knight, bind her to a chair and let the Jabbercocky ravage her.”

“What if she falls asleep again?” Gnat asked.

“She isn’t to be teased. Have it give her ten orgasms. Be patient with her, until you find out what turns her on.”

“Yes, my Queen.”

The former Red Queen was stripped naked and immediately bound to a chair as the hall filled with the screaming and grunting of her friends’ orgasms. Alice hurried to Lewis, who was being sucked by the imitation Alice head. She pushed it away and pulled the red thong from his mouth.

“Alice,” Lewis said. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive—”

“Shh,” she said. Then she removed her new, golden bra and draped it on Lewis’s chest then took off her new, golden panties, and tied them around Lewis’s throbbing manhood and began to stroke him. “Any time you want to put on my underwear, Lewis, it is okay by me. But there’s one condition.”

“What?” Lewis croaked.

“You have to let me watch. Because it turned me on something fierce.”

Then she took Lewis in her mouth, bobbing her head as his hips bucked. He tasted salty and a little sweet and the feel of him on her tongue was like coming home.

He grabbed Alice’s bottom, helping her onto the lounge chair, and buried his face between her wet thighs, devouring her. Alice continued to work his pole, looking all around her as her friends all cried out in delight. Even the former Red Queen was surrounded by Jabbercocky arms, and beginning to moan softly.

Within a few seconds, Lewis began to spasm, and that triggered an enormous surge of pleasure in Alice, taking her to the heights of ecstasy once again…

Chapter 10

Shaking

…and her body was shaking. And her body was quaking. And she cried out in a deep throated scream—louder—and longer—and stronger—and—

Chapter 11

Waking

—and she was standing in her bedroom, naked in front of the mirror, the rabbit buried deep from behind. And before Alice could figure out why these last two chapters were so short (hint: they are also short in the original version) there in the doorway stood Lewis himself, his eyes big as saucers at a tea party and a bulge growing in his jeans.

Chapter 12

Which Dreamed It?

Alice removed the rabbit and tried to come back to reality, which wasn’t easy after so many mind-bending orgasms. She looked at her cats, Creampie still pouncing and Felcher still washing and Snowball still receiving her bath. And lastly, because she was embarrassed, she looked back to Lewis.

He threw up his hands, palms out, as if instead of a vibrator, she held a six shooter. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

After all Alice had experienced in Looking Glass Land and all she had learned, an apology from Lewis was the last thing she wanted to hear. “Why should you be sorry?”

“I… I walked in on you. I didn’t mean to. I just came to return your keys. Your friends said you were going to the party, and I figured you wouldn’t be home.”

Maybe Alice should have felt a bit put out to be caught by Lewis (of all people) in this compromising position, but she couldn’t manage it. There was something far more important on her mind.

“Lewis, please forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” Lewis’s face turned red. “I was the one who barged in while you were naked and thrusting the rabbit into yourself from behind and making your breasts buck and plunge so deliciously, with your hard nipples and luscious mouth and… so… um… I should apologize to you.”

“That was an accident.” And as Alice stood naked before him, she realized it was an accident that she really didn’t mind at all. “I hurt you on purpose.”

Lewis frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I never should have been so judgmental, so closed-minded. I should have accepted you for who you were.”

“Really?”

“I’m so terribly sorry, Lewis.” And Alice started to cry.

Lewis raced to her side and held her in his arms, and ran a hand gently over her hair. “It’s okay, Alice.”

“But it’s not,” Alice blubbered. “Because I love you, and yet I didn’t accept you. That’s never okay. That’s wrong.”

“You love me?”

“Yes. And I want to say a thousand times that I’m sorry. I know that you’re not gay.”

“Yeah, I’m really not, Alice. You turn me on more than anything. Watching you just now, I thought I would explode.”

“You were watching me?” she asked, and a naughty thrill shimmered over her skin. “For how long?”

“Longer than I should have,” he admitted. “I yelled your name and no one answered, so I came in here to leave your apartment key and…”

“You liked what you saw?” Alice could feel the wet heat pooling in her lower region and her special place started to pulse.

“Of course I did, Alice. You’re the hottest woman in the world.” And to prove it, he pressed against her to show the hard evidence of his arousal.

And that’s when Alice came up with a wonderful idea how she could show Lewis how sorry and how tolerant she was, and she could satisfy the aching, wet, hollowness that only Lewis could fill. “I’ll be right back,” she said, and leaving Lewis standing there, Alice scampered across the room.

She opened a drawer in her bureau and rifled around inside. Realizing Lewis was watching, she opened her legs and leaned forward, as she had on the other side of the looking glass, letting her breasts sway in front of her, and when she found her prize and scampered back, he was rubbing himself through the denim.

“Let’s get those pants off you.” Alice inched the zipper down over his bulge. She stripped his jeans off, then followed with his boxers, leaving him gloriously naked and his manhood as hard as a bedpost.

“And now let’s get these on.” She pulled out a pair of her frilliest, laciest, sparkliest golden panties (which is what she’d retrieved from the drawer) and cinched them around his jutting staff, just as she’d done in the Hall of Denied Orgasms.

“You’re so pretty now, Lewis.”

He stared at her as if he didn’t know how to respond, but his erection wasn’t so confused, and although Alice hadn’t thought Lewis could get harder, somehow he managed.

She touched his shaft, sliding the lace and silk over him. “You’re so sexy, too,” she said.

“Is this really okay with you, Alice?”

“Yes, it’s really okay. It’s more than okay. Because I want you to enjoy yourself. I love you just the way you are. And seeing you aroused like this really turns me on.”

With that she kissed him, long and passionate and hot. She nipped at his lips and delved her tongue into his mouth and held him and loved him and never wanted to let him go.

Then to prove just how hot she found him (very!), she sat on the futon and took him in her mouth and rubbed his manhood between her breasts and then accepted him into her most intimate place. Alice’s nipples begged and her love garden sang, and she rode him like his rod was the Jabbercock itself. After both were spent, and they lay back on the sheets, and Alice was finally satisfied…

…at least for a little while.

Lewis spoke first. “I never want us to be apart again, Alice.”

“I don’t want to be apart either,” she answered, feeling warm and accepted and loved in his arms.

“I love you, Alice. I think I have since we first met.”

Once again, tears misted Alice’s eyes, but these were the good kind. “I love you too, Lewis.”

He smiled a sweet smile. “I was thinking maybe we could go buy some jewelry to help show our love.”

“You mean a clit ring? Or something sparkly for my nipples? I’ve been fantasizing about getting a piercing.”

“Wow,” Lewis said, and being that he was eighteen years old as well, his member started to revive (already!). “That sounds wonderful, Alice, but I had something else in mind.”

“What?” asked Alice.

He folded Alice’s hands in his. “An engagement ring,” he answered. “I want to marry you, Alice.”

Alice smiled and her eyes misted, knowing this is what she had wanted all along. “Even if I can be short sighted and intolerant, and unfair sometimes?”

He grinned and fingered the golden panties. “I think you’ve learned your lesson.”

“I have,” Alice said. “I’ve learned that I love you, Lewis. Exactly the way you are.”

“So you’ll marry me?”

“Yes!”

Alice squealed, and kissed him all over, and being eighteen, neither one of them had any earthly idea they were too young to marry.

And as Lewis lay back on the futon, Alice kissing his length, he said in a soft voice, “I should probably pinch myself, because this all seems like it’s straight from my dream.”

Alice smiled, because here all along she thought Lewis had been a player in her fantasies, but maybe, all this time, she’d been a player in his. Then she took him in her mouth and brought him back to life.

“Doesn’t this all seem like a dream, Alice?”

“Mmmph,” she answered.

And they lived happily ever after, until sometime later when they were kidnapped and taken to the infamous Hellfire Club where all manner of dastardly things were done to them.

But that’s another story…

The End

Alice will return in
50 Shades of Alice at the Hellfire Club…

Copyright © 2012
Cover art copyright © 2012

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