© Matt Shaw 2011

The right of Matt Shaw to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any format without written consent from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for insertion in a magazine, newspaper or broadcast.

The characters, and story, in this book are purely fictitious. Any likeness to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

PROLOGUE

KIRK HAD TROUBLE SHOWING EMOTION since that night. It was as though something in his soul had perished along with Tracy. Tracy – the love of his life. Tonight was different though. For the first time since he could remember, he was concerned; albeit a feeling of concern mixed together with an ever-so slight feeling of joy that she, Kim, had called him in her hour of need – especially after the way they had parted company earlier in the day.

It was 2:30am - a cold winter’s morning with the weather undecided as to whether it wanted to rain or snow. His blue Ford Escort speeding him towards St Anne’s hospital. His blue Ford Escort speeding him towards Kim. His blue Ford Escort not speeding him to his destination fast enough. His size-eleven shoe pressed down harder against the accelerator as his mind kept playing back the telephone conversation over and over in his head.

“Hello?” he had said after picking up the ringing telephone that would have woken him from his sleep if he had ever slept. No reply. He had known someone was there. He had heard the shaky breathing. “Hello?” He remembered hearing someone breathe in. “Hello?”

“Kirk?” a faint voice had finally uttered back.

“Who is this?”

“Is that you?” said the female voice on the other end of the line between tears.

“Kim? Is that you? What’s wrong?” he’d asked. No reply came straight away and, again, he had stood there listening to her sob. “Kim, are you going to talk to me? What’s wrong?”

“Can you pick me up?”

Kirk had replied with no hesitation, “Sure, where are you?”

Again she had replied, through her tears, “St Anne’s.”

“What happened?”

“Can you pick me up?” she had repeated before the phone-line went dead.

A red traffic light ahead snapped Kirk from his thoughts. He didn’t know what was wrong with Kim. He had no idea how serious it was, or wasn’t, but the traffic light certainly wasn’t going to stop him. He pressed the accelerator down as far as it would go, ignoring the engine warning lights that flashed up on his dashboard blinking for him to get more oil. The hospital was close now; only around the next corner.

* * * * *

The car’s interior light came on, as Kim opened the door. When Kirk had seen Kim earlier she had looked beautiful. Her blonde hair tied back in a pony-tail with a few strands of hair covering her left eye, her make-up applied with almost perfect precision; red lipstick, a light blue eye shadow - a complete contrast to how she looked now with her make-up smeared across her pale face, bloodshot eyes from where she’d been crying, a deep purple bruise starting to show through on her right cheek and, as she winced as she sat in the passenger seat of Kirk’s car,  he realised these were just the injuries that he could see. There were more.

“Thank you for coming,” she said avoiding direct eye contact, hoping that he wouldn’t ask any questions. She didn’t need to hide. It had been so long that Kirk had found himself in this situation that he didn’t know how to respond to what had obviously happened to her. He didn’t know what to say and he didn’t know what to do. He opened his mouth as though he was about to say something but nothing came out. He shook his head, disappointed in his lack of compassion, and turned the car key in the ignition – spluttering the dying engine back into life.

“Where did you want me to take you?” asked Kirk, finally, when it was obvious that Kim wasn’t going to offer the information. “Where do you live?”

“I can’t go home,” sobbed Kim.

“What about friends or family?” continued Kirk.

There’s another brief spell of silence before, “Can I stay at yours?” Kirk turned to her. He didn’t know what to say. No one has stayed at his since Tracy. Even though she was no longer with him he felt as though it was disrespectful to her memory for people to stay over. Kim didn’t notice Kirk looking at her as she looked out of the window, hiding her obvious tears from him. She continued, “If it’s a problem…”

“No,” said Kirk, “it’s no problem.”

“I’m sorry for how I treated you earlier. You just caught me by surprise,” said Kim, turning to face Kirk. He can’t help but look at her bruised face.

‘What had happened to her?’

“It’s already forgotten,” replied Kirk. She smiled at him with red-raw, watery eyes.

“Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

“Look, did you want to talk about what happened?” he asked. She turned away from him and looked out of the window again. The familiar sounds of her sobs fill the car once more. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, “You don’t have to talk about it,” finishing the conversation so she didn’t feel as though she needed to.

He nodded to himself, happy with his progress of being compassionate, and turned his attention back to the road – pressing down gently on the accelerator; the car slowly pulling away from the hospital car park with the clicking of the indicator helping to disguise her sobs. As they pulled out of the car park Kirk leant down and turned the radio on to help break the uncomfortable silence – “The Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel. Kirk smiled to himself.

Love Life

Matt Shaw

1

ANOTHER HOTEL BATHROOM like all the other hotel bathrooms Kim had found herself in before tonight; white marble-tiled floor with a non-slip rubber mat placed by the foot of the white, pristine bath – still full of water from where he had bathed himself prior to her visit. A silver sink, built into the white worktop, with a selection of over-priced toiletries, for clients to purchase from the hotel having forgotten to pack them from their own homes. A glass, upside down, placed on a small, circular white mat. White. Nearly everything white. Everything so clinical.

Kim stood in front of the large bathroom mirror, which hung on the wall behind the sink, and stood for a moment looking at her reflection; a look of both disgust and pity. She hated the way she looked now with her bleached hair, which Leon had insisted upon, and what she perceived to be a stereotypical ‘tart’ outfit; short, black leather skirt, red crop top, revealing her toned stomach and hiding the bra that worked wonders at pushing her breasts close together giving the impression they were larger than they actually were, no panties. Her panties were in the other room with him. Where he was lying on the bed, naked with a now-flaccid penis from where she had successfully fulfilled her ‘girlfriend’ role; her panties were on the floor next to her black jacket; where he had instructed her to leave them. She didn’t know his real name. He had called himself ‘John’ but she wasn’t born yesterday. They never gave their real names. She didn’t care.

Kim took the glass, from the sink, and filled it with water before taking a large swig. She tilted her head back and quietly swished the water around her mouth for a minute - anything to get rid of the taste; his taste. She stopped and dropped her head forward, catching her reflection in the mirror once more before spitting the water at it. Kim always found it hard to decide who was more disgusting – the men that paid to bed her or her for allowing herself to be in the situation.

‘Last time,’ she thought to herself as she reached for her bag that hung from the back of the door on a small, gold hanger that looked out of place against the predominantly white and silver room. From her bag she pulled a silver wrapper – its contents being a small amount of cocaine; a habit that was a parting gift from Leon. At the time she had never thanked Leon for it but, now, she was truly thankful, for she found it helped to give her the confidence and strength to do what she knew she had to do. She could always quit after tonight.

Leon had always kept her drugs manageable for her. All she had to do was tip the silver wrapper onto the bathroom’s worktop and easily shape it into a long line before snorting it up a nostril. She never had to crunch it down into an ‘easy-to-snort’ powder. Leon had always done that for her, it gave her less time to think about what she was doing. If it’s easy just to pour and take, then there was less chance of her coming to her senses and arguing with him that she didn’t need to take anything.

She shut her eyes and put her head close to the line, hesitating briefly, before holding one of her nostrils shut and sniffing hard through a crisp twenty pound note that she had rolled from the stash that she just earned. It doesn’t take long before the line is gone and all traces have been wiped from the surface. It never takes long. She brings her head up fast and gives it a jerk backwards as though it helps the cocaine work its way through her system faster. She kept her eyes closed and waited. It won’t take long for the complete feeling of euphoria to shudder through her body.

“I told you it helps.”

She opened her eyes and jumped – she was the only one in the bathroom and yet Leon stood next to her in the mirror’s reflection. She looked at him in horror as small bubbles of blood pop out of the deep wound in his neck as they slowly try and coagulate.

In the reflection he put his hand on her shoulder, “I told you it helps,” he said again with a haunting voice.

“You aren’t here. You can’t be here,” she said. She closed her eyes and ignored him. He wasn’t there. She was right. Ignore him and he will simply go back into her subconscious. Forget about him. Concentrate on the task at hand. Concentrate on what needs to be done. Concentrate on the effects of the drug. It’s nice. She felt the dripping sensation at the back of her throat and confidence levels boost; pleasant feelings. She felt the numbness.

‘Concentrate.’

* * * * *

“I’ll make all your bookings. You keep this phone on you at all times, if we aren’t together, so I can reach you – we can not afford to miss any appointments. As long as you listen to me, I’ll keep you safe. I’ll watch out for you. I promise you, though, you fuck with me…” Leon smiled at her and changed the conversation, “I got you this, I think you’ll find it will be of use.” He handed Kim a small wrap of cocaine; the first of many. “Remember,” he continued, “You’re doing this for your mum.”

As Kim walked down the hotel corridor, having left ‘John’ sleeping like a little baby, she couldn’t help but think back to what Leon had said to her when all of this began.  She couldn’t help but think of the drugs that were given to her to help her go through with what was asked of her and, more importantly, she couldn’t believe that it all started with her mother. Everything he had made her do – he said it was all for her mother and what had it got any of them? Her mother, Jackie, was dead, Leon was dead and Kim believed that she may have well been dead. She knew that if they caught up with her – her life wouldn’t be worth living and, as she crossed the hotel lobby avoiding the suspicious gazes of hotel management, she just kept thinking to herself, ‘One more night and it will all be over.’

So far that day she had seen four customers. Three of them paid. She couldn’t take Kirk’s money as it didn’t feel right. He didn’t even want to have intercourse with her – something that she didn’t understand. From the three customers that did pay, she was rewarded with three hundred and sixty pounds; to some people a lot of money. To Kim it was nowhere near enough.

Kim stopped in the lobby of the hotel long enough to glance over to the row of clocks that lined the walls behind the reception desk. The clock showing the London time had already struck midnight.

“May I help you, ma’am?” asked what must have been the hotel manager as he looked down his nose at Kim causing her to feel even more shame than she was already feeling. There was a time when Kim herself, looked down her nose at the type of person she had become.

“No, thank you.” She looked to the floor and as she stepped into the cold winter’s night – she knew time was running out. She had a maximum of five hours to see as many clients as possible and get out of town. Any longer than that and she ran the risk of being caught.

2

KIM HAD CALLED KIRK FOR HELP. She asked him to come to the hospital and pick her up. She had also asked him if she could come back to his place when she told him that she couldn’t go to her own home. Kirk didn’t understand why, after asking him for his help and hospitality, she kept looking at the clock that sat on the mantelpiece next to an old photo frame that had been turned around so that the picture within faced the wall. It was nearly 3:00am.

“Is there somewhere you need to be?” asked Kirk as he sat opposite to where Kim had painfully sat down. “Did you want to call someone to let them know you are here?”

Kim didn’t reply. She just sat there, in his cramped lounge, staring at the clock on the mantelpiece until, after what seemed an eternity of silence, “Is that the correct time?”

Kirk checked his watch, “Yes.” He asked again, “Did you need to call someone?”

“I don’t have anyone to call. Thank you for collecting me and bringing me back here.” She was slow in her speech and looked dazed. Kirk wondered whether the hospital had actually discharged her or whether she had just left by her own choice.

“Not a problem,” he didn’t bother asking whether she was discharged or not. There was no point – if she wasn’t officially discharged he somehow doubted that she would bother telling him the truth anyway. “Can I get you anything?”

“May I have a cup of tea?” said Kim, finally taking her eyes from the ticking clock that seemed to be counting down the minutes of her life.

“I’m sorry; I don’t have any tea bags. I’m not a tea drinker. Can I get you anything else?”

“Coffee?”

Kirk shifts uneasily on the armchair. He doesn’t have any coffee, “I’m not a coffee drinker.”

“Do you have anything stronger like alcohol?”

“Not in the house,” he laughs nervously.

“If I hung around earlier today, what were you going to offer me?” asks Kim.

He thinks for a split second before, “I think I have some orange squash.” Kirk doesn’t wait for an answer – too embarrassed by how ill-prepared he is for social interaction and leaves the room to get a glass of orange.

Kim shifts her weight uneasily in the chair, trying to get comfortable on her bruises, and casts an eye around the room wondering whether she would be found here. The curtains are closed, as they were earlier in the day, so people couldn’t look in and the lounge had the look of a room that didn’t see too many visitors. A thick layer of dust lined the sides and shelves, the chocolate brown carpet, although not messy, didn’t look as though it was cleaned very often. A pile of DVDs littered the floor in front of the television space – some of the films looking as though they were homemade videos of some sorts. Scattered around the walls were pictures of Kirk and another woman.

“You’re in luck, I did have a little bit of squash left,” said Kirk as he came back into the room carrying a wine glass filled with orange. “I’m sorry; I didn’t have any normal glasses but if you need any more juice, just ask.” He handed her the glass.

“Thank you.”

“Were you hungry?” he asks as he sits down again.

“I’m okay, thank you.”

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better,” she said truthfully. She had a funny feeling that, outside of this house, there were problems that she had to run from but, inside the house, she was safe. She felt safe with Kirk. He hadn’t wanted to try having sex with her during her earlier visit. He wasn’t like the other men who had booked her - perhaps because of their previous relationship all those years before.

Kim hadn’t recognised Kirk earlier in the afternoon when she had visited him, after receiving a phone call asking for an appointment. She hadn’t recognised the voice on the other end of the phone as a voice that she had grown up with. She barely even recognised Kirk when he explained how he knew her.

If it wasn’t for his watch she wouldn’t have cared who he said he was either but – the watch – it was all too close to home and she couldn’t go through with the appointment, even if it was going to be an easy session because he had booked her for company only and not the act of sex itself. She had needed the money, desperately, but couldn’t bring herself to stay with him – talking about how great she looked and asking how her mother was. She had to distance herself from anybody who knew what she was like when she was younger. She had to distance herself from anyone who knew her before she was a whore. Her shame was too great.

“So how have you been?” asked Kirk, still unsure of what to do or say to comfort Kim. He knew ‘how have you been’ was a stupid question given the circumstances but he didn’t have anything else to say.

“How have I been?” replied Kim with a slight laugh in her tone of voice. She also knew ‘how have you been’ was a stupid question given the circumstances and she felt sure he could do better, “You don’t really comfort a lot of people, do you?”

“I don’t get out much,” he smiled taking full advantage of the laugh he accidentally gave Kim. “If you have any pointers as to what I’m supposed to do, I’ll be pretty grateful right about now.”

She smiled at him, “I’m sorry this is pretty new to me too.”

The smiles slowly faded from both of their faces as they realise that neither one of them was lying – they really didn’t know what to do or say.

“Did the doctors give you any painkillers, or anything?” asked Kirk finally, “I have lots in the bathroom if you need any.”

“I’m okay, thank you. I’m just a little tired.”

“I’m sorry; I’ll get you a duvet and pillow. Leave you to it.” Kirk stood up to leave the room.

“Please don’t,” said Kim, “I don’t want to be alone right now.” She knew that if she were left alone she wouldn’t sleep. She wouldn’t be able to sleep. She knew that Leon would be back in the reflections.

“Okay,” said Kirk as he sat back down.

After another brief spell of awkward silence Kim asked, “Why did you book me earlier if you didn’t want to have sex with me?”

Kirk shifted uneasily in his chair, uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed, “The advert said you provided companionship.”

“I have an advert?” asked Kim. She wondered what else Leon had set up for her. She knew of her website but she knew nothing of any other adverts, “Where is this advert?”

Again Kirk shifted in his chair and avoided her line of sight as best as he could in the small lounge, “Erm, a magazine.” Kim didn’t press him further. She didn’t need to.

“And you really didn’t want to have sex with me?” The last thing Kim wanted was sex but, from all the men she had been forced to see, she couldn’t believe that one of them was so sensitive that all he wanted was a little bit of company.

“I get lonely,” said Kirk with a tone of voice more suited to a scared little boy.

Through her obvious pain Kim couldn’t help but feel a little bit sorry for him as she wondered what sort of man would be so lonely that he felt the need to pay for a little bit of company, “Don’t you have any friends that you could call if you were lonely?”

Kirk smiled a nervous smile, “I don’t get out much.”

Kim turned her attention back to the photos that hung around the room, “Is that your wife?”

“Was,” answered Kirk abruptly, his smile vanishing from his face within an instant. When Jackie, Kim’s mum, first introduced him to Kim – he had liked her straight away but he loved Tracy. He didn’t feel comfortable with anyone talking about her. Tracy was his and he didn’t want to share her with anyone.

With the sudden character change, Kim knew she had hit a raw nerve and offered up an apology, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Its fine,” said Kirk before trying to change the subject, “listen did you want a bath or anything? It might help take away some of the aches and pains.”

“Maybe a little bit later, thank you.” Kim wasn’t in a hurry now. There was no point in her trying to get out and raise more money. Even if she felt good, and safe, enough to walk the streets for more clients – she knew that she had run out of time. She had already decided that it would be a good idea to try and lay low with Kirk for as long as he permitted her to and then, when she felt well enough, she would try and make a run for it with the money she had managed to get together. When Kirk said that the lady in the picture was his wife, Kim felt a wave of relief rush through her body. If the lady was still his wife it would have undoubtedly meant that she couldn’t stay there for too long in case the wife was due to return. She smiled at Kirk hoping to take some of the newly-created tension from the room.

* * * * *

“I love you more today than I have ever loved you before and tomorrow I will love you even more than I love you today,” Kirk shook his head, “it sounds too gushy. It sounds too phoney.” He cleared his throat, “Okay, erm, how about, look Tracy we’ve been together for two years now and I can honestly say they’ve been the happiest two years of my life… Jesus – why is this so hard?” He was stood in front of the bathroom mirror in the posh restaurant where he had invited Tracy to meet him. Other than the fact that he was going to propose to her that night, it wasn’t a special occasion – she just thought he was being soppy when he phoned her up, out of the blue, and asked if she fancied a meal out so that she didn’t have to cook anything when she got in from work. Tracy had called him on his mobile; an emergency had cropped up at work and she was running a little late. Kirk didn’t mind, it gave him time to try and prepare himself. He believed you only propose to someone once in your life and he didn’t want to make a hash of it.

The hand-dryer by the bathroom door hums into life as another older gentleman dries his hands – watching Kirk practise his speech.

“You know, when I proposed to my wife, once I got the ring out she was so focused on the diamond that she didn’t hear a goddamn word I said!” said the stranger with a polite smile. “Maybe you don’t need a grand speech, keep it simple. Just a thought but you do what you feel comfortable with.”

Kirk looked at the man via the mirror’s reflection, “She can’t remember what you said?”

“Other than the fact I had asked her to marry me. No.”

Kirk thought for a while before holding the ring out in front of him, “Will you marry me?” He smiled, “I guess there is less chance of fluffing my lines too.”

“What’s her name?” asked the stranger as he walked over to admire the ring.

“Tracy.”

“Well, I wish you both the best of luck.” He nodded a nod of approval to the ring and gave Kirk a friendly pat on the shoulder, “Just don’t forget to get down on one knee – but I wouldn’t practise that in here.” He smiled and walked towards the door, “I’ll keep an eye out for the moment before sending over a bottle.”

“Thank you.”

The old man gave a final wave of his hand and walked from the bathroom. Kirk turned his attention back to his reflection and, again, held the ring up – “Tracy, will you marry me? Tracy, will you marry me? Tracy, will you marry me? Tracy, will you marry me?”

Another voice spoke out from behind a locked cubicle, “I’d try doing the whole sentence neutral…”

Kirk froze – his cheeks glowing red as another wave of embarrassment rushed through his body. Quietly he put the ring back into his jacket pocket and crept from the room.

By the time he had finished ‘practising’ his grand gesture to a room full of strangers Tracy had arrived and was waiting at the front of the restaurant. She waved over to Kirk when she spotted him and he stopped in his tracks. It was apparent from the way she was dressed that there wasn’t a work emergency to blame for her lateness. She had been home to change. Store workers don’t tend to wear long, flowing, backless satin dresses to work. The dress was a deep green colour that perfectly matched her unusually-bright green eyes. She wore matching high heels and clutched a matching purse close to her side. With her long, shining brunette hair she was a vision of pure beauty. Kirk’s heart skipped a beat as she approached him.

“You look beautiful,” he said half-stammering his words.

She smiled at him, he wasn’t normally the sort of person that dished out compliments so freely, “Just remember that when the credit card bill comes in.”

“Ah!” he said. He knew there had to be a catch but he didn’t mind. He didn’t care. He was just glad that she stood by his side for all to see – even the older gentleman who was in the corner of the room giving a knowing smile and nudge to his wife who sat opposite him. Kirk took Tracy’s hand, “Your table awaits you.”

Kirk pulled Tracy’s chair away from the table and beckoned for her to sit, which she duly did, before sitting opposite her – still with a beaming smile on his face.

“You look great,” said Tracy admiring the black suit Kirk wore, “My very own James Bond.” Kirk smiled, it was exactly the look that he was going for. He knew she had a thing for James Bond. “So what’s the occasion?” asked Tracy as she looked around taking in the plush surroundings of the five-star restaurant.

“Am I not allowed to treat my beautiful girlfriend from time to time?” he replied being careful to refer to her as ‘girlfriend’ and not fiancée.

“No, it’s nice!”

“Mind you, had I realised you were going to go and spend a small fortune, on a new outfit, I probably would have taken you to McDonalds or somewhere similar.”

She blushed and played with her hair, something she always did when she was nervous, “Do you mind?”

“No. You look beautiful,” he said as he put his hand on top of hers from across the table. He could always get lost in her striking eyes; the brightest green you could imagine shining like a perfect emerald.

She turned away from him, “Stop it, you’re embarrassing me,” she said with a little nervous laughter although she loved the attention really.

“I’m sorry I can’t help myself.”

Tracy turned back to him, “I’m sorry I was going to wait but there’s something I need to tell you,” she said just as a waiter approached them.

“Can I get you some drinks, sir?”

“Yes, please,” said Kirk without looking away from Tracy, “can you bring over your best bottle of white wine please.”

“Actually,” interrupted Tracy as she turned to the waiter, “I’ll have an orange squash please.”

“You don’t want to join me for a glass of wine?” asked Kirk. She never normally turned the wine down – especially when he brought her to places such as this.

Tracy looked at him with the biggest smile, “I was going to wait to tell you this but I can’t. I’m sorry…”

“What is it? You’re starting to worry me now.”

Tracy took a deep breathe in, “I’m pregnant.”

Kirk didn’t respond. It was an announcement that he wasn’t expecting – one that came straight from left field and knocked him for six.

“Well say something,” said Tracy as her smile began to fade.

“I’ll give you two a couple of minutes,” said the waiter as he slowly backed away from the table unsure as to whether the female customer’s news was going to met with joy or a sudden, angry outburst.

3

“YOU’VE GONE QUIET,” SAID KIM.

Kirk had gone quiet. He hadn’t said anything for twenty minutes now – twenty minutes that seemed like a lifetime for Kim as she sat opposite his emotionless face.

“I’m fine,” he finally replied.

“You looked lost in thought. Where’d you go?”

He smiled in a vague hope it would keep her happy, “I’m just tired.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to put you out.”

“You didn’t. It’s not a problem,” he lied again as his thoughts skipped back to Tracy. When Kirk met Kim, through her mother all those years ago, he liked Kim. When she walked through the front door, earlier in the afternoon, those thoughts came crashing back to him when he realised who she was. He loved Tracy though and, whenever someone mentioned her or he was reminded of her – he couldn’t help but remember her and get lost in deep thought as his mind raced through the many happy memories they had shared. And the unhappy memory that he shared alone.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked desperately trying to think of something other than Tracy.

“I’m feeling better now I’m here. I’m just sore.”

“That bath would help.”

“I don’t want to be alone just yet. Soon.”

“Are you hungry yet?” Kirk felt as though their conversation was merely going around in circles like a broken record but he didn’t know what as he could say. Whenever he tried to talk about their past, when they knew each other, she clammed up. Whenever he asked what she had been doing – she changed the conversation to something more suiting to her and never gave an answer. Just as Tracy was a forbidden subject to discuss with Kirk it seemed, to him, that anything to do with past or present was a forbidden subject to discuss with Kim. He wasn’t exactly left with a lot of possible conversation topics that could lead to a proper chat. All he had at his disposal was small chit-chat – normally used to pass the time with complete strangers.

“Do you know what you want to do yet?” he asked hoping she may have an answer for him.

“I was wondering whether I could stay here for a couple of days, just until I feel a little bit better.”

“Won’t someone miss you? Isn’t there anyone waiting for you?” He hoped the answer would be that someone was waiting for her and she would need to get back to them. He liked having her there – he liked the company but he knew that she wouldn’t understand about Tracy. No one would. He also knew that Tracy wouldn’t understand about Kim.

“I don’t really have anyone.”

Kirk paused momentarily. He needed to press further about her past to try and make sense of what had happened to her, “What about your mum?”

Kim looked to the floor trying to hide the fact that she was upset. He didn’t like to ask but he had to.

“She’s dead,” whispered Kim. She wiped a tear from her eye.

The last time Kirk had seen Kim’s mum, Jackie, was at the foster home where he had lived when he was growing up. Jackie had run the foster home all the time that Kirk had stayed there and had seemed to be the only nice member of staff in the establishment. The fact that she was dead came as a shock to Kirk. As one of the only adults who were truly nice to him, on a day to day basis, as he was growing up he couldn’t help but show his sorrow.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he took a packet of tissues, from a coffee table, and handed them to Kim.

“Thank you,” she took a tissue from the packet and wiped her eye being careful not to catch any of her bruises.

Kirk hesitated for a moment, “You know she was one of the nicest ladies I’d met when I was younger. I’ll never forget her. What happened?” It was selfish of Kirk to push further into what had happened to Jackie but, because he knew her, he selfishly believed that he had a right to know. He had always classed her as a friend. “When did it happen?” he continued ignoring the fact that the tears coming from Kim’s eyes were falling more frequently.

“I really don’t want to talk about it, I’m sorry.”

Kirk stopped. He realised he had pushed too far and Kim had gone back to the state she was in when he picked her up from the hospital; unresponsive, closed off.

“No, I’m sorry,” he said as he moved to the chair next to her. The more he was in her company, the more he began feeling emotions again and he slowly put his arm around her. Kim leaned in close and he hugged her as tightly as he could, without hurting her. It was hard for him to explain – but he wasn’t used to all the different emotions he was feeling. This was the first time he had felt sorry for anyone other than himself. He squeezed Kim harder, not wishing to let go.

The last time Kirk had seen Jackie was thirteen years before when he was sixteen years old and living in the foster home where she was the manager.

Whenever Jackie was working her shift, a young Kirk walked the halls of the large home with an air of confidence about him as he knew he was safe from any trouble. Although he was one of the older boys in the home, he was also one of the quieter ones who had trouble holding his own against the kids that were there because they were too unruly for their parents to cope with. Whenever Jackie was off shift they would make his life a misery with childish name calling and threats of violence – even if he reported it to the other staff members that were on duty; little was done. They were there to earn money to pay the bills – not because they actually cared about the wellbeing of the children who were all from different social backgrounds and had varying levels of education and morals. Kirk was in the home because he was simply unwanted. His mother gave birth to him but failed to accept he was her son. She had said, when she saw him, “I already have a son, I don’t need another one.”

Unlike the other staff members that worked in the home; Jackie did care about the children. She had a daughter at home whom she went home to every day and yet she still perceived these other children to be her children. When one of the foster children were successfully fostered off to new parents, Jackie would often have a little cry to herself – because she was happy that the child was about to go to a good home and because the child was no longer living in her home.

She often sensed when something was troubling Kirk and would often spend time chatting with him about different topics ranging from the other children to what he was watching on the television. Jackie had grown particularly fond of Kirk. He wasn’t a good-looking child and his shyness made him invisible to potential parents that came to see the children but Jackie saw something in him from the very first moment he was brought into the orphanage – when he was just a baby. As Kirk hit his teenage years she knew that he was in all likelihood going to stay at the orphanage until he was eighteen years of age as it was always harder to foster off teenagers – especially boys as they struggle with their hormones and emotions.

The last time Kirk saw Jackie was on his sixteenth birthday, the day his new parents were finally coming for him. They were an elderly couple who left it too late in life to have children of their own. They particularly wanted an older child so they could skip what most perceive as the ‘difficult’ years. Jackie had taken Kirk into her office and sat him down. She had grown attached to him and wanted to personally wish him well with his new life. She wanted to let him know that, whatever he needed, she was always there for him. She was one of the only people, at this stage of his life, to be nice to him and actually pay him a compliment. Kirk wasn’t used to it and had blushed when she described him as a ‘special young man’. In their final chat, Jackie presented Kirk with a small gift and told him to unwrap it from the comforts of his new bedroom.

Silver watch; engraved on the back – ‘To my special son’.

Jackie was a good person; a good woman who didn’t deserve cancer – especially for the second time. The first time Jackie had cancer she took a long break from work but the exact reasons were kept secret from the children who were told that she was having a rest. A lengthy period of absence and one of the hardest times of Kirk’s young life as he felt as though his ‘safety blanket’ had been taken away. By the time she was diagnosed for the second time Kirk was already out of her life and was, unbeknownst to her, part of her daughter’s life; albeit in the background.

* * * * *

Kim pulled away from Kirk’s warm embrace – scared to get too close to him, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’ve done nothing wrong. I didn’t mean to upset you; I’m not too good at this.” Kirk said pointing out the painfully obvious. He stood up, “I’m going to get something to eat – can I get you anything?”

“Yes, please.”

He nodded and walked from the room without bothering to ask what she wanted. He wasn’t used to visitors in his house and didn’t have a lot of food to offer – she would have to have whatever he cooked.

‘Hopefully she’ll like it,’ he thought to himself as he strolled through to the kitchen and opened the cupboard door revealing stacks of different branded tomato soups.

4

“TOMATO SOUP, PLEASE,” said Tracy when the waiter asked to her take order for the starter. He duly wrote down her request, took Kirk’s order for the prawn cocktail, and walked away from the table. “Are you sure you are happy?” asked Tracy nervously.

“It just came as a bit of a shock,” said Kirk, “I think its great news. I didn’t even know you were worried about being pregnant though.”

“I didn’t want to worry you so I waited until I was one hundred percent sure. You’re sure you’re happy?”

Kirk laughed, “Yes. A million times yes. I’m happy.” He lifted her hand from the table and kissed it softly with his warm lips; the scent of her sweet perfume filling his nostrils. Tracy smiled at him and pulled her hand away, embarrassed by the public display of affection – even more so as she realised an elderly couple kept looking over at them both. “I love you,” said Kirk as he poured himself another glass of wine. The loved-up Kirk a million miles away from the Kirk of today; the broken shell of an empty man that’s been consumed by grief.

“Marry me,” blurted Tracy completely catching Kirk by surprise just as he took a mouthful of his drink.

“What?” Kirk spat his mouthful back into the glass. It was either that or he would have choked on it. The posh couple on the table to the right of him give him a stern look as much to say, ‘we don’t do that sort of thing in this restaurant, sir’.

Tracy laughed, “I’m sorry that came out wrong – will you marry me?”

Kirk wiped his mouth with his hand, “What are you trying to do to me?”

Tracy took hold of his hand – a sign of her love for him and a gesture to stop him from running from the table, “We’re having a baby, we live together, it’s the right thing to do. It’s what I want to do. I want to be your wife…”

“It’s just that…” he went to say before getting interrupted.

“It’s what?” said Tracy as she feared for the negative answer.

“Well,” explained Kirk as he pulled the small box containing the engagement ring from his pocket, “you’ve kind of stolen my thunder.”

“What?” Tracy dropped his hand and pulled away from him; shocked.

“I asked you here so I could propose. I was going to wait until the end of the meal but, well, I guess now is a good a time as any. Tracy, will you marry me?” He opened the box to reveal the diamond, platinum engagement ring. A ring that he had been saving for since he first met Tracy three years earlier.

“Say that again,” said Tracy – her eyes transfixed on the beautiful ring. The old man was right, Kirk could say anything now and she wouldn’t hear it.

Kirk climbed down from his chair and went down on one knee; the couple next to him stopped eating their food, turned to watch, and the elderly couple in the corner of the room watched them more intently now as they waited to see how Kirk would get on. The waiter stopped dead in his tracks, holding onto a plate that contained a prawn cocktail and, in his other hand, a bowl of piping hot tomato soup.

* * * * *

“It’s hot,” said Kirk as he came back into the room and handed Kim a bowl of piping hot tomato soup, “I hope you like it, if not I can always go out when the shops open and get something else for you.”

“It’s fine, thank you. It certainly smells good,” said Kim.

Tomato soup wouldn’t have been her first choice in an ‘extremely early’ breakfast but it was light enough to maybe help settle her stomach. All night, even before what had happened, Kim had felt sick; a common feeling when she nervous. The cocaine helped ease that feeling as it replaced it with a false feeling of hope but the drugs had long since worn off and now she could feel the drugs that were given to her at the hospital were starting to leave her system too.

She looked over at Kirk who had sat back down on the opposite chair from him, “You aren’t eating?”

He smiled, “I don’t like tomato soup. I had something in the kitchen,” he lied as he breathed in the smell of the soup; the savoury smell that reminded him of that night. They both fell into silence again – the silence broken by the occasional ‘slurp’ from Kim as she ate her soup.

Kirk only ate now when he felt as though he absolutely had to. When Tracy was alive he used to enjoy eating. He used to enjoy trying the different tastes of foods from different cultures – his favourite being Italian and Mexican. Now Tracy was no longer with him and he was living an isolated life he realised there was no point in trying new things as he had no one to share them with. He found it hard to get excited about anything now that his loneliness was slowly consuming him.

Finally Kim broke the silence, “Am I the first prostitute you’ve been with?” She hated that word – ‘prostitute’ – she hated to think of herself as a woman who charged men for sex. All her life she thought these ladies of the night were people from the lowest dregs of society and, yet, here she was – a prostitute.

“You’re an escort,” corrected Kirk, “you escort people to their functions and, if that’s around their house for a little bit of company, then that’s that.”

Kim smiled – embarrassed at being corrected. She hadn’t heard anyone describe a prostitute like that before now. When she used to have friends and the conversations about prostitutes came about, admittedly very rarely, her friends never spoke about them in the way Kirk did either. Everyone in her ‘previous life’ looked down their noses at them; dirty disease spreading tramps.

“You don’t think what I do is wrong?” asked Kim egging Kirk on to say something else positive about her role. Just hearing him put a positive slant on it made her feel better about herself.

“I don’t think being an escort is wrong. I don’t think offering companionship to lonely people is wrong,” said Kirk. Before, when he was with Tracy, he never gave working girls a thought – he didn’t need to. He was happy. He was in love. He was going to be a husband and a father. There was no need to pay someone to come over and make him feel less lonely. Kim was the first working girl Kirk had ever approached for an appointment. At the time he didn’t know he knew her as there was no picture accompanying the advert in the magazine. He just wanted someone to come over, for an evening, and talk with him. He wanted someone to make him feel a little less dead inside.

Kim sat back and listened. She liked his positive outlook on what she did, or used to do, as it made her feel less dirty. It made her feel like she was more of a compassionate human being – offering a service to cheer up men who just needed someone to be there for them and offer a friendship that they previously didn’t have. It was a false friendship that was offered but in some cases even that can be better than nothing.

Kirk continued, “Street girls…”

“What about them?”

“I think they are the ones that don’t help the industry. When some people think about working girls, or talk about them, that’s the side they hear of the most. When they drive through city centres, late at night, that’s the side of the industry that they can see – girls of all ages walking the streets because they are forced to or because they are trying to feed a habit. What you offer – and ladies such as yourself – that’s all behind closed doors. It’s private and other people don’t even necessarily know its happening. Eradicate street girls and I think you’ll find most of the stigma attached with escorting would die down too.” It was the most passionate Kirk had got about something, in a conversation, since Tracy had gone. Normally he kept his opinions to himself or expressed himself in one word, simple to understand, answers in the hope that whoever was talking to him would leave him be. The longer he was with Kim, though, the more he felt alive.

Kim looked away from Kirk. If he suddenly got up and went through her bag he’d find a few more silver wraps from Leon. If he knew what had happened to her hours earlier – and how it happened – she feared that he would perceive her as nothing more than a lonely street girl that he obviously had such strong opinions about.

Kirk noticed Kim look away shyly, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get on my soap box. To answer your original question though – you are the first lady that I’ve actually booked.”

Kim turned back to him seizing the opportunity to move the conversation away from street girls, “And you really didn’t know who I was when you phoned up?”

“I had no idea, the fact that it turned out to be you was just a bonus,” he smiled and Kim blushed.

“A good thing for us both,” she said.

Kirk stood up, “If you’ll just excuse me for a minute.” He left the room and went to the bathroom that was in the hallway. The bathroom was a small room with a tiny sink and small, broken mirror on the wall. He stood by the sink and stared at his reflection wondering, was he really flirting?

Since being with Kim he had begun to feel emotions again and, although he struggled with it, he had enjoyed the sensations that stirred within his soul and had even enjoyed the awkward conversations that, now, seemed to flow a little easier between the two of them as she was obviously getting more comfortable with him too.

‘Was she flirting?’

It had been a long night. Perhaps the tiredness was getting to them both – perhaps the shock of what had happened to her was making her act differently to how she would normally act as she desperately tried to cling onto someone who was being nice to her and not trying to use her. Kirk didn’t know and although he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the situation – he also didn’t feel entirely uncomfortable with it either. He closed his eyes tight and tried to put Tracy’s face to the back of his mind. Surely she would want him to move on?

Kirk flushed the toilet to make it appear that he wasn’t just in the bathroom to get some sanctuary, and did actually need to go, before he returned to the lounge where Kim was still sitting. He sat down opposite her and smiled.

“Did you want any more soup?” he asked.

Kim answered his question with a question of her own, “So what really made you pick up the phone this time then?”

5

‘I LOVE YOU’ was Tracy’s last words. A sentence that stuck in both Kirk’s mind and heart ever since. No one could replace Tracy - no one. He knew that, if he phoned the mobile telephone number written on the advert in front of him – this lady wouldn’t replace Tracy. She wouldn’t try and replace Tracy and he wouldn’t allow her to. He knew that the arrangement made between the two of them would strictly be a business deal and nothing else and yet, even with that in mind, he found it extremely hard to pick up the telephone and dial the numbers that were trying to tempt him. Tracy wouldn’t like it. He dropped the magazine, displaying the advert, to the floor and threw the telephone onto the settee next to him.

‘Tracy wouldn’t like it,’ he thought.

“I wouldn’t mind,” said Tracy as she sat down next to Kirk, “I know you still love me.”

Kirk shut his eyes tight. As much as he wanted to believe Tracy was by his side he knew that she was nothing but a figment of his desperate imagination. A figment of his fragile state of mind convincing him that booking some company would be an ‘okay’ thing to do.

Kirk ran his hand through his hair. In his mind it was Tracy’s hand that was stroking him and he couldn’t help but smile as he remembered how she used to do it.

“If you just want to book her for some company then that’s fine,” continued Kirk as though he was Tracy, “but you can’t sleep with her.”

Kirk didn’t want to sleep with her. He didn’t need to. He just needed someone real to talk to. He just needed someone real to snuggle up to on the sofa whilst they watched whatever was on the television. He desperately wanted them to cuddle up to him so that he could close his eyes and pretend it was Tracy that was there with him for real as opposed to just in his mind.

“If that’s all you want,” continued Kirk / Tracy, “then that’s fine. I know you’ll be thinking of me.”

Kirk picked the magazine up again and flicked back to the page with the relevant number. Another couple of seconds passed before he dared to pick up the telephone; scared ‘he’ was going to talk himself out of making the call again. No voice stopped him.

‘0-7-8-6-8-6-6-0-3-4-9,’ he thought as he dialled the digits. He waited again for a voice to stop him. No voice stopped him and he pressed the little green telephone image on the keypad. There was a brief delay as he heard the digits, which he had already pressed into the pad, get dialled for him and another brief delay as the line connected with the number. It was ringing. He could still hang up but he didn’t. His heart pounded hard and fast.

Finally a female voice answer, “Hello?”

“Is that Stacey?” asked Kirk. He thought he had the wrong number. The female voice sounded faint and timid. The female voice sounded scared.

There was another pause, “Yes.”

“I was wondering whether I could see you. You know, for an appointment? Please.” Kirk was embarrassed. He hadn’t done anything like this before and couldn’t quite believe he was doing it now either. Stacy didn’t reply. “Hello, are you still there?”

“I’m here,” she said. “I’m sorry it’s a bad line,” she lied. “When would you like to see me?”

“Are you free now?” Kirk felt that, if he didn’t follow it through as soon as possible, he would end up trying to cancel it as his nerves, and guilt over Tracy, got the better of him. There’s another slight pause before ‘Stacey’ agreed to the appointment details and took Kirk’s address from him. The appointment was set and she was on her way round.

When Kirk hung up he couldn’t help but think about how shy the lady on the other end of the phone seemed. He thought that, in that line of work, the woman would be full of confidence. If anything, she sounded scared about accepting the appointment – scared of Kirk.

‘Stacey’ was a different woman when she finally arrived at Kirk’s house. When he opened the front door to let her in she walked in with an air of confidence that wasn’t anywhere near noticeable on the telephone. It was an air of confidence that we now know was induced with the help of cocaine. Her shyness and embarrassment only came back to the surface, temporarily, when she asked for the payment to be handed over and enquired as to how Kirk wanted to do ‘it’.

Kirk duly handed the payment over, failing to realise that, standing in front of him, ‘Stacey’ was in fact Kim; the daughter of Jackie – the teenager who shared some of his college classes.

He beckoned her into the lounge where she went in and took off her coat, revealing a red crop top that showed off her toned stomach and a sexy, short black leather skirt. She turned to him and took her top off revealing a black, satin bra that pushed her breasts close together forming an enticing cleavage. Kirk stopped in his tracks.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I thought you offered companionship.”

With the drugs working her mood ‘Stacey’ approached Kirk and started to unbutton his dark blue jeans, “What do you call this?”

He pulled away, “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Stacy backed away bemused, “You called me.”

“Yes, I wanted some company.”

“Some company?” she repeated. She was new to this and Kirk was the first man that she had met who didn’t want company to mean ‘sex’. “Some company?” she said again, confused.

“You know. Talk. Cuddle up.”

“You want to pay me to cuddle up and talk to you?”

“I just want some company,” he said.

Kim backed away from Kirk. He didn’t seem like the other men who had booked her – all perverts in their own way. All dirty men who couldn’t keep their hands to themselves – booking her because their partners refused to do the sordid things they actually got off on. Kirk seemed stranger to her – almost alien.

“Don’t you have any real friends for that?” she asked as she backed up to the sofa and sat down.

“No,” he replied without hesitation. She looked at him, as he stood there pitifully, wondering what sort of man would need to pay a stranger to come over and pretend to be his friend for an hour or two.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “it’s just that I don’t get people like you often.”

“Maybe I misunderstood what you were offering when I called,” he said taking the blame away from Kim, “I just thought that you wouldn’t mind.”

“So what did you want me to do then?” she asked as she picked up her top and slipped it on again.

“I thought we could watch a movie together, or something. You know, just cuddle up on the sofa. You could stroke my hair. I could just hold you.”

“You want to pay me to watch a movie?”

“If you’d like.”

“What movie?” she asked half expecting him to pull out a pornographic film containing random acts of hardcore intercourse and sodomy.

“I have the James Bond collection. On DVD,” he said; proud of his collection like a little school boy who was proud of his collection of insects.

Kim couldn’t help but laugh. It wasn’t a laugh brought on by the fact that the situation was funny – it was a laugh brought on because the situation was so strange. She apologised when she realised Kirk looked a little upset by her outburst.

“If you’d prefer to watch something else?” he gestured to the pile of films that scattered the floor in front of the television – a mixture of random film titles and what appeared to be home-made video tapes.

“James Bond would be fine,” said Kim trying to keep him happy. Kirk smiled.

“Great. Which film did you want to watch?” a question that Kim couldn’t answer. She had never seen a James Bond film. She had rarely watched movies.

“Whichever one you are happy with will be fine with me,” she said – keeping him sweet. The way she looked at it, it was going to be an easy appointment.

Kirk selected a random disk and put it into the player before turning back to the settee where Kim had made herself comfortable. She sat up and patted the cushion next to her – gesturing for Kirk to sit with her.

“Would you mind if I sat there?” he asked signifying where Kim had sat. “I thought I could stretch out there, at the back of the settee, and you could stretch out in front of me with me cuddling up behind you.”

He explained himself clumsily but Kim knew what he wanted. Leon and Kim used to cuddle up on the sofa in the same manner - that is, before he changed. She stood up and allowed Kirk to get comfortable before she lay down in front of him. She rested one hand under her head and the other one her leg. Kirk, in turn, rested his free hand on top of hers and pressed in close behind her.

He closed his eyes and breathed in Kim’s fragrance. Her hair smelt like coconuts. Her perfume smelt like freshly cut roses. She smelt great just as Tracy smelt great when she used to cuddle up to him in the same manner. He opened his eyes again when he realised something wasn’t right – he wasn’t as comfortable as he should have been. His watch was digging into his wrist as he leaned on his head down on his arm. Kirk stopped the film before it had even properly begun and shifted uneasily behind Kim causing her to sit up.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as he moved his watch up his wrist and rubbed where it had dug in.

“Sorry – my watch was digging in,” he said as he took it off, “I’ll just put it on the coffee table.”

Kim took the watch from him so he didn’t have to get up, “Allow me.” She was going to pay a compliment about the watch. She was going to say how nice it looked but she couldn’t – not when she really got a good look at it and recognised it. Memories of her mother and past flooding back into the forefront of her mind. “Where did you get this?”

‘To my special Son’

“Where did you get this?” she asked again, knowing the answer. She looked at Kirk again and, with her memory recently jogged, remembered him straight away; the quiet boy in the back of the classroom that introduced himself to her by explaining that he knew her mother and showing her the watch he was given. She remembered the watch perfectly because it was an unusual timepiece and especially expensive looking. The first time she saw what her mother had given a stranger, she was a little jealous. At the selfish age of sixteen she failed to understand how it was easy for her mother to buy a stranger a gift like that and not spend the equivalent on her – her own daughter. It was too much of a coincidence that someone else could have the exact same watch with the exact same message inscribed on the back of it. Kirk sat up and looked at Kim.

“Your name isn’t Stacey is it?”

“Where did you get this,” Kim asked again.

Just as Kim had now recognised Kirk – he too had now recognised her. The pretty girl that sat towards the front of the class and consistently managed to ignore him; even after he had introduced himself hoping that the fact he had known her mum would help them form a friendship.

“It was a gift,” said Kirk as he took the watch back and put it back onto his wrist.

The answer wasn’t good enough. Kim had to be sure he was who she thought he was, “Who from? What was her name?” She knew the answer.

“Jackie.”

* * * * *

Kirk didn’t want to go into details about why he made the appointment with Kim just as Kim didn’t want to go into details about what had happened to her in her life to make her take the path she was currently on. He felt that, if they continued the conversation about why he originally wanted the appointment with her – she would get angry, just as she had done when she left him earlier in the day.

To be faced by someone who knew her before she was a working girl added more shame to Kim’s current predicament. When she was having appointments with strangers at least that’s all they were to her – strangers. Kirk knew Kim before she was a working girl. She didn’t want him to suddenly laugh at her for, obviously, failing in successfully achieving her dreams. Kim had felt that, when he made the appointment, somehow he knew it was her and he was only getting the appointment so he could see, first hand, how bad she had fallen. She thought he only wanted the appointment just so he could laugh at how pathetic she had become. Because she believed the whole thing to be a set-up she couldn’t go through with it and had started to swear at him before throwing the money back into his face and running from the house – running from her past that could point her out in the street as the failure that she knew she was. What made it worse for her was that her mum was also mentioned. There she was, on the sofa, acting the part of a cheap prostitute just to try and earn enough money and suddenly she had her mother’s memory thrust back upon her. If her mother could see her now, she would be turning in her grave.

Kirk picked up the near-empty bowl of tomato soup, “Can we talk about something else?”

“Did you really not know it was me that you were booking earlier? You really did just want someone for company?” Kim didn’t need to ask and she didn’t know why she did. She knew what the answer was going to be. From the time he had picked her up from the hospital to the time now – she knew that he really was as lonely as he said he was during their appointment. What she couldn’t understand was ‘why’. He seemed like a genuine, caring soul. He seemed as though he was torturing himself. As expected, Kirk didn’t answer her. He just looked at her and smiled.

Kim steered the conversation away, “I can’t believe you still have the watch.”

Kirk looked down at the watch, which was still on his wrist, “I like it. It reminds me that not everyone in this world is horrible. Some people are still nice.”

Kim smiled. She liked that Kirk thought of her mum in such a positive light. She liked that Jackie’s memory lived on in someone else too. Kirk looked back to Kim and smiled back. All these years later it looked as though a conversation about a watch was going to help them achieve a friendship between them.

Kim laughed, “I just can’t believe that, with all the adverts out there, you managed to find one that brought us back into each others lives.” She cringed when she thought about what she had just said – she made it sound as though they were now an item and she knew that could never happen.

Kirk replied, “I’m glad I found your advert.” He mentally told himself off for sounding like he was flirting again before he took a deep breath in and said, “You know I like you and won’t judge you…”

Kim didn’t like where this was going.

“What happened to you today?” he asked hoping that they had bonded enough that she wouldn’t clam up again – hoping that she would trust him enough to give a truthful answer.

She paused for a moment, not sure whether to share her secrets with him. He was, after all, still a practical stranger. A kind stranger who had taken her in and looked after her – even after the way she stormed out of his life previously. She could trust him. At least, she thought, she could trust him with some answers.

6

KIRK HAD OFFERED TO CALL KIM A TAXI but she didn’t wait around long enough to take advantage of his offer. Instead she had thrown the money back in his face and left his home as fast as she could. Even though she felt it was a set up she had wanted to break down and cry on his shoulder but she knew she couldn’t afford to. Just because he knew her all those years ago she knew he wouldn’t understand what she had become and the situation she found herself to be in. When she left the house she tried as hard as she could to put the encounter and memories that were awoken, to the back of her mind – give her a chance to concentrate on the unpleasant tasks at hand; to earn more money and run away from it all.

She had been walking for less than ten minutes when her phone buzzed, in her jacket pocket, with a series of strong vibrations as another call had rung in. Kim hadn’t taken any money from Kirk. She didn’t feel that it would have been right and, because of this, she knew she was behind in achieving her financial target for the day. With no hesitation she had answered the telephone and been invited to another appointment – this time in a posh hotel not too far from the city centre. The client, a well-spoken man, who called himself ‘John’, wanted to see her later in the evening the hour and money weren’t an object. Kim didn’t need asking twice.

By the time Kim had left ‘John’ she had seen four clients in total; three of them had been paying customers. With three hundred and sixty pounds in her purse and the clock only just having struck midnight – she knew, as she left the hotel, there would still be enough time to get the necessary finances behind her to run from everything. She’d have enough money to run from what she’d done and become. As she walked towards the city’s Red Light District, to join the other street girls, she knew that it would all be over in just a few more hours and she knew she had the drugs needed to get her through it.

Kim’s heart raced as she approached the Red Light District. She had never been there and didn’t know what to expect from it. Although it was close to the night’s popular hotspots and fancy restaurants it was far enough away from the beaten track that she never had the need to go there. Even working as a working-girl she had never had the need to go there – until now – as Leon had made all of her appointments for her; not that she had ever thanked him.

Kim’s imagination had told her what to expect; girls standing around on every available street corner with an endless supply of cars slowly passing them - the occupants carefully making their selection for the night’s entertainment. Other girls, her mind told her, would be sat in alleys with semen trickling from various orifices and syringes hanging from their recently punctured veins. The reality was completely different and she thanked God that it was. Even so she knew that appearances could be deceptive and kept her guard up.

The roads were empty of traffic and, although one or two girls were milling around somewhat aimlessly, there was no mass-fucking going on in the alleys or gutters. There were no obvious signs of drugs. There were no obvious signs of anything underhand. A little, tiny piece of Kim felt disappointed as though her mind had cheated her from the truth for all this time. She stepped back into the shadows to observe how the ladies of the night got their business so she could see what to expect; so she could see what she would have to do.

For half an hour she waited, and watched, with nothing happening hoping that her phone would go off to offer her a better source of client. For half an hour she couldn’t help but think that she couldn’t spare the time to be standing around, waiting for business to approach her. The clock was ticking and she knew time was running out – slowly but surely. She kept having to reassure herself that she was doing the right thing by being there – waiting. She had to reassure herself that she wasn’t wasting her precious time.

She shook a thought from her head, ‘If I don’t get any more money, time is all I will have.’

Part of her wanted to leave but she knew it was the only way to pro-actively get any more punters that may pay her the money she needed. Kim overheard one of the other ladies as she turned to her ‘colleague’ and moaned about what a quiet night it was.

‘Typical,’ thought Kim just as a stranger approached her from behind.

“Hi,” he said.

“Shit! You scared me!” said Kim as she span around, to face the stranger, with a look of horror on her tired face.

He smiled at her reaction but didn’t apologise. Instead he just looked her up and down and licked his lips, “Are you working?”

Kim spotted the potential to make more money, “If you’re looking. Sure. Did you want to go somewhere quieter?” Kim hadn’t seen the other girls’ tactics. She didn’t know about the procedure outside of the hotel rooms that she normally frequented. She hoped the stranger did know what he was doing. She hoped that he knew where to go.

“My car’s around the corner,” he said, as he turned and started to walk. He knew she’d follow. He knew they always followed.

True to his word, the stranger’s car was parked up in an adjacent road – the hazard lights flashing away. Unknown to Kim, he had obviously been watching her from afar before deciding that she would be a good ‘visit’. He had left his car long enough to fetch Kim from where she stood. He suddenly walked ahead of Kim and opened the passenger door for her. He didn’t wait for her to climb in so he could close it for her – instead he went around to the driver’s side and let himself in. Kim closed her own door.

“What’s your name?” asked the stranger as he turned on the interior light.

Kim tried her best to sound confident and cast her mind back to the only experience of street-girls that she had – the film ‘Pretty Woman’. “You can call me whatever you want,” she purred as she turned, to sit at an angle, to face him.

The stranger snapped back, “I asked for your name, not a fucking cliché.”

Every bone in her body told Kim to get out of the car there and then but she knew there was very little choice – even if the car door hadn’t been locked; there was little choice. Money was money – no matter where it came from.

“Stacey,” Kim lied as she tried to act as cool as possible given the circumstances.

“You can call me Roger,” replied the stranger.

Kim smiled trying to make amends for upsetting him, “Pleased to meet you.”

Roger fired up the car’s engine and slowly pulled away from the kerb. Kim didn’t ask where they were going – she just presumed he knew what he was doing.

Minutes of silent driving followed before Kim made a move, hoping to hurry Roger into stopping so she could get what had to done finished with quickly. She didn’t want to be taken too far from the Red Light District as she knew she’d only have to walk back after he had left her. “So how did you want to fuck me?” she purred.

Roger took his eyes off the road long enough to follow Kim’s hand; to begin with it was placed over her left breast before sliding down her body and  resting between her legs where the sensation caused her to let out a little sigh of pleasure. Roger knew it was a fake sigh and turned his attention back to the road.

“Don’t keep me waiting,” teased Kim as she squirmed around on her hand. She was hiding the fact that she was getting concerned as to why he wasn’t pulling over. Looking past him, out of the window, whenever she felt she could get away with it – she had seen a number of ‘safe’ spots they could have pulled into.

“I want to fuck your arse,” said Roger abruptly and in a very ‘matter of fact’ tone. He took his eyes off the road, again momentarily, to gauge Kim’s reaction. Kim was desperate for the cash; but not that desperate.

She tried to change his mind, “Wouldn’t you rather fuck my tight wet pussy?” Years earlier when an early boyfriend had asked Kim to talk dirty to him she couldn’t do it with a straight face. She always used to stifle laughter between the sentences and the ex-boyfriend would always get angry or lose his erection – or both. As her hand carried on gently rubbing herself she tried her best at keeping ‘sexy’ for the customer, not wishing to put him off and certainly not wishing to lose out on the cash. She knew the words that came from her mouth were ridiculous but she couldn’t lose focus of her goal.

“I told you what I want.” Roger looked back to the road, ignoring the sight of Kim’s vagina as she pulled her panties to one side so he could steal a glimpse. She turned the ‘sexiness’ off and sat up realising that it was a lost cause.

“Look, I’m sorry, I don’t offer that. I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” she said with her heart beginning to beat a little faster as she realised it wasn’t the best situation to be in. With appointments made for her, previously, she had sometimes come face to face with some men that weren’t quite as polite, or nice, as they had first appeared but Leon was always close by if things ever turned particularly nasty. This time Leon was nowhere near her. She hated Leon more than she had ever hated anyone before, despite loving him once, but now she would have given anything to have him back in her life. She looked at Roger who seemed to have not heard anything she had said; or ignored everything she had said. “Why don’t you pull over and let me out?” she said hoping that’s exactly what he was going to do, “I’m sure one of the other ladies is still available. We could go back there, together, and I could talk to them for you. Tell them what a great lay you are and how I wasn’t enough for you,” she stroked his ego hoping that it would be enough for him to crack a smile to her and ease off the accelerator that seemed to have been pressed down harder. “Please slow down.”

“How much is it going to cost me to fuck your arse?” asked Roger as he continued to drive through areas that Kim no longer recognised or knew.

“I told you, I don’t offer that. Please just let me out now,” she begged again but it fell on deaf ears.

“You should have told me that you didn’t offer it before you got into the car. Getting into the car is the same as signing a contract. You agreed to this.”

“I’ve never done this before!” shouted Kim as she began to cry – fearing for her safety. “I’m sorry. Please just let me out! You’re scaring me!” She tried opening the door handle, preferring to jump that continue her car ride into the unknown. The door didn’t budge.

“What?” said Roger as though he had suddenly just come out of a trance. He let off the accelerator and the car instantly slowed to a more sensible speed.

Kim turned to him, still scared, “I’ve never met anyone on the streets like this before. I’m sorry. I didn’t know there were rules to follow. I’ll do anything else you want. I just can’t do that.”

“You’ve never done this before?” repeated Roger trying to make sense of who he had picked up.

“No. I’ve made a mistake, please let me out.”

The car slowed down to a stop and Roger flicked a switch that took the lock off the doors.

He smiled at her, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“That’s it?” asked Kim bemused at the sudden change of mood. Roger nodded. “Thank you,” she said as she climbed from the car, taking full advantage of the mood change.

“My pleasure,” smiled Roger with a glint in his eye.

* * * * *

Kim screamed out loud as she came round. A scream brought on by the fact that she didn’t know where she was. She didn’t know how she got there. A scream brought on by the pain she found herself in. A scream that let the doctors and nurses know that she was awake now.

She sat upright in the hospital bed and surveyed the cubicle surrounding her; various machines – some plugged in and doing things and some left to the side obviously not needed – an intravenous drip hanging to the right of her and feeding fluids into her system via a newly punctured hole in her arm, a plastic container on a trolley with some bloodied swabs floating in a bowl of unknown liquid.

She closed her eyes tight and pulled the drip from her arm. With her eyes closed she remembered; the revving engine, the screech of tyres and the sudden pain caused by the heavy impact. She started to weep as she remembered the stranger standing above her, as she lay on the floor. She recalled when he had picked her up and slammed her face first onto the bonnet of his car.

Kim held her hand up to her face and felt where her cheek had connected with the cold metal of the automobile. She could feel the bruise there. She could feel the intense ache.

Kim jumped when the curtain of the cubicle was pulled to one side by what turned out to be the duty nurse.

“You’ve pulled your drip out,” said the nurse, “we’ll have to get that back in you for a little while longer yet, I’m afraid – you’re very dehydrated.”

Although the nurse wasn’t particularly pleasant – she wasn’t unpleasant either. If anything, she was indifferent.

“Have you taken anything or on any medication?” asked the nurse hoping for a truthful answer that would avoid causing a mixed-reaction with any medication she could give Kim. “Do you remember what happened?” continued the nurse, not really giving Kim a chance to answer – not that Kim even tried to answer. The nurse took hold of Kim’s wrist and checked her pulse against the small silver time-piece that hung on her uniform.

“Do you know what time it is?” asked Kim.

“Ten to two,” said the nurse as she rested Kim’s arm back onto the mattress. “When you are feeling up to it, the officers who found you would like to talk to you.”

Kim’s heart skipped a beat as she wondered as to whether or not they had found him yet, “I don’t want to talk to them.” She tried to buy herself some time. Even if the police just wanted to talk about what had happened – she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to become known to them. If she was known, she’d be easier to find later on.

The nurse tidied random objects away and pushed the trolley to the edge of the cubicle, by the opening in the curtain, before she turned to Kim and said, “The doctor will be along to check on you again soon. Try to rest.” With that, she walked from the cubicle and pulled the curtain to. Kim didn’t know whether she had heard her. She knew she couldn’t wait around to find out either. A quick glance to the left of her revealed her bag resting on a plastic chair. She hoped that her phone was still in there and that Roger hadn’t taken her belongings too.

7

KIM WEPT AS SHE EXPLAINED how the events had unfolded. Kirk hugged her closely, for comfort; as she described the stench of the stranger’s breath as he had whispered in her ear just how much he was enjoying what he was doing to her. Kim shook as she recalled the painful act itself and how she snuck from the hospital to call Kirk – stopping short of explaining why she was so reluctant to speak to the police officers. Kirk didn’t understand why she didn’t want to help them get the monster that had done this to her but he didn’t press her – in her current state he felt as though she had been through enough without having to explain her reasons to him.

Kirk kissed Kim on the forehead, as though he was trying to comfort a little girl, and said, “Everything is alright now. Everything will be alright.” As much as Kim wanted to believe what he said – she knew everything was far from alright. Even so she closed her eyes tight and forced herself to believe it; forced herself to believe that, in the end, everything would be alright. For the first time since he proposed to Tracy, Kirk also believed that there was a good chance of everything being alright.

A couple of quiet minutes passed before Kim slowly pulled herself, reluctantly, from Kirk’s warm, safe embrace. She looked him in the eyes and smiled - a smile that was returned with a real feeling of genuine affection.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked.

Kirk shifted uneasily in his chair. He didn’t know where the question had come from. Where ever it came from – he hoped it would go back there; unanswered.

Kim knew the answer she wanted. She wanted Kirk to say it was because he liked her. She wanted Kirk to say that it was because he wanted to be with her. She wasn’t sure if it was the overall shock of what had happened to her but she felt safe around Kirk. She felt happy around Kirk. Kim knew the answer she wanted. She wanted Kirk to say that he too felt happy around her.

Kirk looked away from Kim, as he searched for an answer that wouldn’t cause her to be upset. He focused on a hanging picture of Tracy – Tracy, the love of his life.

* * * * *

“You make me happy,” said Kirk as he sat opposite Tracy as she admired her engagement ring, letting her bowl of soup get cold.

“That’s it?” she said. “You want to marry me because I make you happy?”

“In a nutshell,” he replied bashfully, looking around the restaurant to see if anyone was listening in on their conversation.

“That’s an awfully big commitment to make to someone who just makes you happy. What else is in that nutshell?” Tracy was teasing him. She knew he wasn’t one for the ‘lovey-dovey’ types of conversation that she enjoyed. She knew it made him uncomfortable and the more uncomfortable he got – the more she enjoyed winding him up about it.

“Lots of things,” he said.

“I don’t believe you,” she continued, “name them.”

Kirk laughed, “Why are you doing this to me?”

“I need to know you are serious about marrying me. I need to know you are going to be a good husband as well as a good dad.”

“I’m going to be a great dad,” he corrected her. He gave her a cheeky smile before finishing his wine and pouring himself another glass, “Can I tempt you?” he asked as he hovered the bottle above her empty wine glass.

“Don’t change the subject – and no you can’t. I think you will be a great husband too,” she said as she put her hand over her glass.

“I’ll be a great husband,” he agreed, “but I’ll be an even better lover.” They both laughed. “Please have a glass of wine so I can get you drunk to prove it.”

“You don’t need to get me drunk…” she said as she teasingly nibbled on her finger.

“I don’t? You mean I’ve been wasting my money for all these years? Damn it!”

“You just need to tell me what makes you want to marry me.”

Kirk’s smile faded from his face, “Can’t I just get you drunk like the good old days?” His mouth cracked a smile as he struggled to keep a straight face.

“Why are you being such a shit?” said Tracy as she gave him a playful slap. “Come on, be serious now.”

Rubbing his wrist, “I’m always serious.”

“So why do you want to marry me?”

“Because I love you!”

“Come on – there must something else about me.”

“You aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

“No. Please tell me.”

Kirk took a deep breathe in, “I love you. I love the way you look. I love your mind. I love your sense of fashion. I love the fact that you can brighten up any room that you walk into. I love the way you just simply complete me.”

Tracy laughed, “That will do. I’m feeling a little sick.”

“Bitch,” said Kirk jokingly. “Eat your soup before it gets cold.”

“Yes, oh master!”

They both laugh again.

* * * * *

Kim followed Kirk’s line of sight and saw the picture of Tracy. Her heart sank, “She’s pretty.”

Kirk didn’t reply. He simply sat and smiled, looking back to Kim. Tracy was pretty. Tracy is pretty. Kirk also thought that Kim was pretty too even though he tried to get the idea out of his head; the idea that he may be attracted to someone other than Tracy.

“What happened to her?” asked Kim knowing full well that the question wouldn’t be answered; just as her previous question about why he was being so nice was also left unanswered.

“I’d rather not talk about it, thanks,” said Kirk making sure the smile didn’t fade. He didn’t want Kim thinking that she had upset him. Despite Tracy, in his mind, not liking the idea of him getting too close to Kim – Kirk had come to realise that he very much enjoyed Kim’s company and he didn’t want to do, or say, anything that could have jeopardised that.

Kim continued to press him oblivious to the fact that her questions about Tracy were a bone of contention, “You know, sometimes its good to talk about things. To get things out in the open – sometimes it can help.”

Without realising it, Kim had set herself up and Kirk seized the opportunity, “So why do you do this?” Kim knew what ‘this’ meant. She knew what Kirk was asking.

Why was she a prostitute?

8

KIM WAS ONLY FOURTEEN YEARS OLD when she first found out her mother, Jackie, had cancer. Jackie had taken the day off work to tend to a doctor’s appointment that would take her through the results that she was waiting for. As the doctor sat opposite her, explaining the ins and outs of the disease and possible treatments they could offer – Jackie had heard nothing. Instead she sat there believing she was going to die imminently. It wasn’t the thought of dying that scared her but rather the thought of explaining to her daughter that she may not be around for her anymore – that terrified her. Jackie had managed to keep the doctors’ appointments and hospital visits a secret from Kim all the time they were doing tests to see whether the lump on her breast was indeed a malignant tumour but she knew, now they knew for definite, that she was going to have to come clean. She couldn’t hide it any longer. With the various treatments on offer – she knew it was going to affect her more than the odd day here and there. Previously, whenever Jackie needed to take time out for lengthy consultations with her doctors or to undergo different tests, Kim had been sent to stay with her aunty – always with the excuse that her aunty had wanted Kim to visit as it had been so long and she felt they needed to catch up. Now though – now they knew what they were dealing with and the necessary treatment required to try and beat the cancer, Jackie knew that she could no longer hide the disease from her daughter. She knew that she could no longer hide the harsh realities of real life from her sweet, innocent girl.

Jackie expected Kim to be upset – obviously. She expected Kim to not understand and worry that she was going to lose her mum; like she had lost her dad just before she was born. Jackie knew she was going to have to stay strong when she told Kim. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to show how much it scared her and she knew she was going to need all of the answers possible to rest Kim’s mind should she have had any questions.

When she did finally tell Kim she had followed her up to her bedroom, when she returned from school, and sat on the bed with Kim, to explain everything. Jackie believed Kim’s bedroom was the best place to break the news as it was her safe haven. Kim knew that, in her room, she was safe from everything. When she did finally tell Kim she was surprised to see that her daughter didn’t cry. Kim didn’t panic. Kim didn’t believe her mum was going to die. She was angry. She didn’t understand how her mother could have not trusted her enough to tell her what she was going through. She was angry that Jackie had taken the decision to go through all the tests and appointments by herself – not trusting that Kim was old enough to understand. More importantly, Kim was angry, because she had wanted to be there for her mum and Jackie had taken that away from her.

“Well you can be here for me now,” Jackie had said when Kim finally calmed down and the tears started.

* * * * *

Kim didn’t say anything to Kirk. She wanted to tell him everything. She had always wanted to tell someone but, until now, she never felt as though she had anyone to talk to. If she couldn’t tell Leon – who could she tell? She always presumed people, friends and strangers, would just have dismissed her as a drug-addict whore and now she knew things had gone too far to tell anyone. She knew that, soon, everyone would come to know what she was but she still didn’t have the nerve to come clean to Kirk. Kim just wanted to enjoy the feeling of someone being nice to her whilst it lasted.

“You don’t have to tell me,” said Kirk, much to Kim’s relief. He smiled. He didn’t really want to know. He didn’t care. Kim could do whatever she wanted. It was none of his business but he knew, now, the chances are she wouldn’t challenge him about Tracy. She could challenge him about anything but not Tracy.

Kim smiled a ‘thank you’ to Kirk and sat back lost in thought. If Jackie could have known the lifestyle Kim would have ended up with, Kim wondered, would she still have wanted her to stand by her when she was ill.

Kirk leant forward into Kim’s line of sight and smiled, “Did you want me to run you that bath?”

Kim blinked a couple of times and focused on him, “Could you just talk to me for a while longer?”

He thought for a while before saying, “So what did you do after college?” Rightly or wrongly he presumed she didn’t become a working-girl straight away – she must have had a life before all of this. He thought she must have at least chased some of her dreams for a while. He thought it might have been something they could talk about, together, to pass the time.

Kim could see what Kirk was trying to do. She could see that Kirk wanted to get her to open up about her past – her past before the bad things that happened to her. She knew that she couldn’t keep everything from him – it was just a shame that, when she left college, she had already started the chain reaction that led her to this -the chain reaction that led her today. As she struggled to find anything positive about her life, to tell him, a tear rolled down her cheek. Kirk took hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze letting her know – he was there. Kim knew what it meant. Another tear rolled down her cheek. She desperately wanted to tell him – tell him everything.

“What is it?” asked Kirk as he ignored Tracy as she stood next to Kim, giving her evil looks. He knew to ignore Tracy. He knew she was in his mind. Even so – it was the first time he had actually wanted to ignore her. He wanted to talk to Kim. “What’s wrong?”

He squeezed her hand again.

“I’m scared,” she said.

“You don’t have to be scared. I’m here. You’re safe with me. What’s wrong? What is it you want to tell me?” he risked her clamming up completely again but sensed that he was close to finding out exactly what was wrong. He sensed that she wanted to tell him; she wanted to share her secrets.

“You won’t understand. You won’t want me here,” continued Kim. She hoped that Kirk would reassure her that he would understand and that he would want her there. She wanted him to reassure her that she could tell him everything and he wouldn’t think any different of her.

Kirk whispered to her, as though a lowered tone of voice would be more convincing, “You can tell me anything. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going anywhere.” It was the answer that she wanted. “Whatever it is – I’ll help you through it.” He could sense Tracy was seething. She could seethe all she wanted; he’d worry about that later.

“Promise me,” said Kim. It didn’t matter if he did or didn’t make the promise. She had already decided; she had already made up her mind.

“I promise,” he said. “We all have our secrets.”

9

THERE WAS A TIME when Leon used to take Kim out; proud to be seen with her - proud to have her on his arm. For the first few years of their relationship those times were frequent and varied with regards to the activities undertaken. Sometimes they’d go to the pictures to see a new movie, sometimes they would go to a nice restaurant, sometimes he’d be happy to take her to town where they’d dance and drink the night away. Kim liked those memories of Leon. Back then, he was a completely different man to the one that sat opposite her now. Now she didn’t know what he was – she didn’t know what he had become and she didn’t know whether she was the reason he had become like this. It was as though, overnight, his whole personality had changed. Whereas before he had loved and cherished Kim, now he thought nothing of her. She believed he must have thought nothing of her – to ask this of her.

Leon didn’t know Jackie when she was first diagnosed with cancer. He hadn’t been there and he didn’t know what both Jackie and Kim had gone through to beat the disease. The second time Jackie was diagnosed with cancer, too late to save her, Kim was working as a nursery school teacher where she, one day, hoped to follow in her mum’s footsteps. As her mum progressively got worse Kim knew she would have to leave her job to care for her, full time. Jackie was adamant that she should continue to work but Kim wasn’t having any of it. She wanted to be there for her mum, for the second time. Unfortunately Leon didn’t understand. He always believed that Kim should continue to work and they could always get someone else in to look after Jackie, when the disease required her to move in with Leon and Kim. Leon had always said that the bills wouldn’t pay themselves and he was right. As the bills piled up and they struggled to cope on his wages – he blamed Kim. Jackie couldn’t help being ill. It wasn’t her fault. Leon wasn’t close to his family as he grew up and didn’t understand why Kim had to be by her side day and night. Kim had tried explaining but all Leon saw was the mounting pile of unpaid bills and final reminders.

Kim looked at Leon in disbelief. She had wanted to laugh but, deep down and with the way Leon had been acting recently, she knew there was no way he could be joking. She knew he was serious.

“Take it as a compliment,” he said to her, late one evening, after he had got back from Frank’s house. Frank was his friend since college. He wasn’t particularly good-looking and was normally shy around Kim – rarely daring to even say a word to her other than the usual ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’. Around Kim his mouth was normally closed but his eyes were always open; open and looking in her direction.

After one too many drinks Frank, in a drunken state, had told Leon that he’d pay good money to be able to fuck Kim. He had explained, in graphic detail, how he’d like to hit her from behind. He had explained, with slurring speech, how Leon was so lucky to have a woman like Kim with him. He had explained how, at times, he wished he could be Leon just to get close to Kim – closer then the usual confines of ‘friends’, not that Kim even really saw her and Frank as friends. She was indifferent. Regardless, Frank explained exactly how he felt about Kim. Leon, on the other hand, listened with a sickly, sweet illegal substance flowing through his veins. The sickly, sweet illegal substance that both helped Leon forget about his money problems, and also helped add to them.

“How could you say that you love me and then ask me to do this?” asked Kim. Her voice was quiet. Recently Leon had been quick to lose his temper and she didn’t want to upset him – never mind the fact that she found his suggestions insulting and degrading.

“I do love you but we need the money,” said Leon. “If you had stayed at work instead of here, with your mum, we wouldn’t be in this financial mess.” He didn’t give her a chance to respond. He knew she’d only say that she had to be there for her mum. He didn’t care. “We are two months behind in the rent. They could evict us anytime now and then where will we go? Your mum chose to be here instead of a hospital – where would she go?”

Kim started crying. She knew where her mum would go. She’d end up in a hospital. Jackie didn’t want to be in a hospital. Not now. The doctors had told her the cancer had spread quickly and there was nothing more they could do for her other than to try and make her as comfortable as possible. Jackie had said that she’d only be comfortable if she were allowed home – with her daughter. The hospital arranged for a bed to be brought to the house, and set up in the lounge, for Jackie and frequent visits were now part of the daily routine; checking that she was as okay as anyone could be in that position. Kim couldn’t let her mum go back to the hospital.

“It would be a one time thing. A one time thing to help us out of this situation you’ve got us into. We need this and deep down you know it.”

Kim was trapped. If it had been any other time she would have stormed out of the house. She would have stormed out of the house and out of his life. It didn’t matter how much she wanted to argue with him. It didn’t matter how much she wanted to run from him – she knew, in the end, he was right. They did need the money and she couldn’t allow them to lose the house. She couldn’t allow them to lose her mum back to the hospital. Jackie knew the end was coming but, when she wasn’t in pain, she tried not to think of it. The hospital took away the illusion that everything was alright.

“Don’t be fucking stupid,” hissed Leon as his mood changed for the worse. “We have a chance to put things right for us but we have to take it.”

“Won’t it upset you that someone else is with me?” said Kim through her tears – hoping that his temper wouldn’t continue to rise.

“Of course it will, I’ll just have to deal with it,” he replied. Kim didn’t believe him. She believed, honestly, that Leon didn’t care if someone else slept with her. “COME ON!” he shouted as the final bit of patience within him withered away.

“Please don’t shout. Don’t wake mum up.”

Kim could have gone to her auntie’s house. Kim could have gone and taken Jackie with her but she didn’t want Jackie to see that she wasn’t happy with Leon. She didn’t want her to think she was leaving her daughter behind at a time when Kim needed her most. Kim thought she could always leave after her mum had died – hopefully fooling her mum into thinking that she was settled and everything would be alright for her even though Jackie could no longer be by her side.

Kim wiped the tears from her eyes – this would just be another sacrifice to allow her mum the chance of resting in peace, “Okay.”

* * * * *

Kim had insisted on the hotel room. She didn’t want to see Frank in their house with her mum downstairs, potentially hearing everything. Jackie was bedridden now but her hearing hadn’t failed her. She didn’t need to hear her daughter sleeping with another man.

The hotel room was basic. A king-size bed was pushed against the far wall with bedside cabinets either side of it. On one of the cabinets was a small Bible and, on the other, a television control for the set that was on the television stand at the other side of the room.

The door opened and Leon walked in carrying a plastic bag with him, “He’ll be here soon, put this on.” Kim took the bag and peered in – lingerie. Red, lacy knickers with a matching bra – still with the price tag.

She looked to him and said, “Are you really okay with this?” She didn’t need to ask. He was more than fine. If anything – he seemed to be enjoying the setting up of the appointment.

He ignored the question, “I’ll be downstairs in the bar. I have my phone on me if you need anything. Now get ready.” He gave her a peck on the cheek and backed out of the room leaving Kim to prepare for Frank’s arrival.

As Kim slowly stripped off and put the new underwear on, her mind frantically raced. She had always been thinking about seeing Frank but, until now, she had never really given the actual details much thought. She knew what he wanted. She knew what was expected. She knew that Leon had placed some ground rules down for Frank to follow. She just didn’t know how to go about doing any of it. Was she supposed to make the first move? Was he going to take care of everything? Would he stick to the ground rules? Were they just going to get straight into the act itself or was there going to be a little foreplay first? Did he want foreplay? Was he going to take the lead or, as he was paying, was she expected to? Would they talk first? Would they have a little drink first to calm their nerves? Was he even feeling nervous? A quiet knock on the door signalled Frank’s arrival. A quiet knock that’s sole purpose was to let Kim know he was there and not get her to actually answer the door for, straight after the tap of his knuckle, Kim heard the sound of the key card being swiped through the lock.

By the time Frank walked in, Kim was sat on the bed, nervously waiting for him, trying to force herself to smile. She didn’t have time to wonder whether she needed to look as though she was happy to be there. At the end of the day it didn’t matter – Frank had only said how much he had wanted to fuck her and not how much he had wanted to have a conversation with her.

“Hi,” he said as he licked his lips and removed his top. “You look great.” Frank was full of a confidence Kim hadn’t seen in him before. Unknown to Kim it was a confidence brought about by the use of illegal substances. Kim answered him by removing her bra. “Man, you look fucking great,” Frank continued as he kicked his trousers and pants off revealing an erection.

Kim shuddered as the situation suddenly became a whole lot more real, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” she said as she went to get up only to be stopped by Frank.

“You can’t back out now. I’ve paid good money.”

“I’ll get you your money back.”

“And how do you think you’re going to do that? I know about the mess you two are in and Leon’s already spent the money.” Frank pushed Kim back and caressed her breast causing her nipple to harden through the sensation – not that her mind enjoyed it. Kim wasn’t aware Frank had paid in advance. She thought he was going to give her the money just before they did anything. She wasn’t aware Leon didn’t trust her enough to make the collection. She felt Frank’s penis slide against her panties.

“Please – stop,” she said knowing that it would sting if he pushed in when she wasn’t wet enough. She pushed Frank off herself and sat up.

“Okay, if you don’t want to go ahead with it that’s fine. Let’s just call Leon back up here, shall we? Let’s see what he has to say.”

Another feeling of helplessness crept over Kim. If she pulled out of the meeting now, Leon would be quick to anger. He’d have been even angrier if he had already spent the money too as they had no way of paying anything back. With little option Kim closed her eyes and laid back, “I just didn’t think you would want to rush it,” she said, “I thought you’d want to get your monies worth from me.” She peeled her panties off and dropped them onto the bed, next to her.

Frank smiled and inside Kim died. “What did you have in mind?” he asked.

Kim purred, “I want you to lick me.” Her tones flowed from her mouth as though she were suddenly a sexual predator. Frank smiled. “And you have to wear a condom,” she finished as he went down on her. She knew his saliva would help when it would come down to the actual penetration. The wetness of his spittle would take the sting off. The wetness of his spittle would be the only way she’d get wet.

“You taste so good,” he sighed as he continued to lap away at her. He believed the shudders she was experiencing were because of his natural skills as opposed to the shudders being down to revulsion. The mere thought of his tongue, his spit, against her vagina made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

“I can’t wait to see how tight you are,” said Frank when he finally emerged from between her legs. Before Kim could say, or do, anything she felt the tip of his uncovered penis against her vagina lips. Before she could remind him that he had to wear a condom, also one of Leon’s rules, she felt him thrust deep inside of her. The shock of the penetration caused her to let out a scream; a scream that Frank took as a good sign as he pushed deeper inside of her. Kim caught her breath as Frank pulled out a little, only to have it taken from her again as he pushed himself back in – hard – building up to a frantic pace. Thankfully, for Kim, it was over within a couple of minutes as Frank ejaculated inside her. The thought of Frank being disease-free didn’t cross her mind. She didn’t care – she was just grateful that he was done already. He lay back onto his side and looked at her, stroking her hair. Kim didn’t look to him – she just lay in the same position and stared up to the ceiling; mortified at what she had just done.

“Thanks for that,” said Frank as he picked up her panties and rubbed it across her pussy – the panties’ material soaking up her juices and soft scent, a fragrant memento for him to remember her by. He gave them a test sniff before he jumped up from the bed. “I couldn’t believe it when Leon offered me the chance to fuck you.”

“What?”

“He said that you were talking about wanting to fuck me but he’d only allow it if I paid,” Frank laughed as he pulled his clothes back on, “worth every penny.”

10

KIM SHOWED NO EMOTION as she reminisced about her past. There was no hint of a tear as she explained the final moments, of Jackie, to Kirk. There was no expression on her face as she explained that it was Leon that drove her to become a prostitute. There was no expression on her face when she told Kirk how Leon had forced it upon her. She knew, deep down, she was a good person. She knew that, what had happened to her was all because of a series of unfortunate events and nothing else. If she hadn’t met Leon she would never have become involved in the lifestyle that she was currently leading. It was all him. It was all Leon and Kim had come to accept that. By the time she finished telling Kirk about Frank she didn’t care what he thought. She didn’t care if, after hearing the whole story, he did kick her out of the house or tell them where she was. Even if Kirk accepted everything and still was prepared to look out for her, she knew it wouldn’t be the sort of life that she wanted to lead – always looking over her shoulder and always running from pillar to post never daring to stop in case they caught up with her. She knew it was over.

Kirk sat next to her and absorbed everything. What he had heard didn’t turn him away from Kim. It made him feel sorry for her. He pitied her for having to be in that position. It made him hate Leon. It was the first time, in a long time, where he had hated someone other than himself and it felt good. By the time Kim had finished explaining to Kirk how she became a prostitute the sun was coming up outside – not that either of them knew this with the curtains still closed.

“I thought it was supposed to be a one off?” said Kirk as he placed a tender hand on Kim’s hand – hoping to see a sign of emotion in her. There was a flicker of light in her eyes; the windows of her soul – just a flicker. He remembered Kim when she was at college; he remembered watching her from afar thinking how alike her mother she was. He remembered thinking how smart she was. And pretty. He used to sit at the back of the class and look around at the other students – his gaze always falling back to Kim where he’d carry on looking until the end of class was signalled by the bell. Here she was, now, sitting next to him – a broken person. He tightened his grip on her hand. His own emotions were becoming stronger, and deeper, by the minute and he wanted nothing more than to turn the clock back and be there with her. If he had been there – perhaps he could have stopped all of this. If he had been there he wouldn’t have met Tracy. He thought for a minute. Perhaps if he had been there, with Kim, both of their lives would be completely different now. Tracy would be alive, Kim would be living her life how she wanted and Kirk’s life would have been different too. Since that night he had always wanted his life to be different. If Tracy couldn’t be by his side, he wished that he had never met her. The more he thought about it – the more he got himself wound up although he tried his best not to show this to Kim. She didn’t need to see any more anger. She had seen enough.

“They’re both dead now,” she said.

“What do you mean?” It was a silly question.

* * * * *

Another punch connected with Frank’s nose. This time the nose split open and blood spurted out. Another punch quickly followed, dropping Frank to the floor where he lay, writhing around in pain. The violence didn’t stop just because he was no longer standing and a kick to the stomach promptly followed. Frank’s pleas of mercy were answered with several kicks to the face that knocked out some teeth. Kim watched on from the sofa nursing her own cuts and bruises. Her punishment wasn’t as severe.

When Frank had returned to the hotel bar he was met by Leon who complained about the prices of the drinks being too high. Leon had suggested that they should go back to Frank’s house for a few celebratory drinks together – to mark the occasion. What Frank didn’t know, until it was too late, was that Leon had no intention of toasting what he had just done. As soon as Frank had walked into his lounge, Leon set upon him; kicking, punching and shouting – furious that, although it was Leon that pushed for it to happen, Frank had slept with his Kim.

Leon didn’t care that Kim was hurting. He didn’t care that all of this had only happened because he allowed it to – because he pushed for it as a quick way of earning some money. He didn’t even care when Frank stopped moving and struggling. He didn’t even care when Frank stopped breathing – instead he just dropped to his knees next to the body, out of breath.

“You did this,” he said as he looked over at Kim.

“Fuck you!” whispered Kim as she continued to nurse her cuts.

“What did you say?”

Kim didn’t say anything. She hoped that Leon would allow her that one slip-up. There was no point in provoking him further – she was just thankful that she got off so lightly compared to Frank. Kim looked to the body and felt sick. She knew it wasn’t her doing despite what Leon had said to her.

Leon looked across to Frank again, “We’re going to have to get rid of the body. We can’t leave it here.” He looked at Kim to see if she had any suggestions. She didn’t answer back. She didn’t see why she had to do anything – she didn’t see why she had to help get rid of anyone. It wasn’t her that killed him. For the briefest of moments she contemplated calling the police. She thought, if she could get to a phone, she could make the call and he’d be taken away and locked up. Kim’s adrenalin pumped around her body hard and fast before she threw up at the feet of the sofa.

“You’ll have to clean that up too,” said Leon heartlessly.

* * * * *

Kim looked to Kirk to see if he had a look of disapproval on his face. There was no such look. She waited for the obvious question to come from his mouth but nothing came; he just sat there and listened. Perhaps he understood why she couldn’t go to the police there and then – that it would be too much for her mother to deal with in the final, short time of her life. Perhaps he understood that Leon would have killed her too. Kim found it strange that she had just told Kirk she’d been a part of someone’s death and he didn’t even pull his hand away from hers. He just carried on sitting there. A wave of relief rushed through her.

“You were scared of him,” said Kirk – filling in the blanks of why she didn’t call the police, “That’s understandable.”

That wasn’t the only reason though. To begin with Kim didn’t want to upset her mum, she wanted her mum to be able to rest in peace. There were plenty of opportunities to go to the police after her mum had passed though but she couldn’t bring herself to do it – fear and love both stopped her. Part of Kim wanted desperately to believe that Leon would turn back into the man she originally fell in love with. Part of Kim wanted to be able to have everything go back to the way it was. She knew it wasn’t likely to happen but she still clung onto that hope; one of her last hopes. Kim also knew that if she stopped living the lifestyle long enough to really think about what she had been part of – she wouldn’t have been able to cope with the memories and guilt; not by herself.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand,” said Kirk, “if they are both dead – you don’t have to do this anymore. There are choices now. You have choices. You can stop it all – pack it all in and do something else with your life. Start afresh.”

“Like you did?” she nodded towards the pictures of Tracy. Kirk didn’t need reminding of Tracy, he was well aware of her presence. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I don’t have any choices. I’m trapped.”

“But you said it yourself. He’s dead! You’re free now. He’s not here to tell you what to do anymore.”

“I’m not free; I’ve made a mess of things,” Kim broke down into tears again.

Kirk clung onto her hand, “There’s nothing that can’t be fixed. There’s nothing you can’t recover from – with help.”

Kim looked at him. She knew it was time to tell him. So far he had been fine with everything. He had understood. He had carried on being kind to her. She thought that, perhaps, he may even have the answers for her; the solution to help her recover from everything without any scars – mental and physical.

* * * * *

There was a brief moment when things did return to ‘normality’ between Kim and Leon. After Jackie passed away Kim needed a shoulder to cry on and, despite previously being cold towards her, Leon was there to provide it. It was during this time of mourning that Kim believed things could return to normal for the two of them. She still had enough feelings for him to try and forget about what they had seen and been through – a fresh start, if possible. Her illusions were shattered soon after she had learnt to cope with the loss of her mother. When Leon saw her coping – the appointments began to ring in again. The emails, generated through a website Leon had built for Kim, were also coming in thick and fast.

Kim tried to put a fight up, to begin with, but she soon learnt that it was easier and less painful to go with the flow; accept what was happening to her. She just got on with what was asked; her mind telling her, whenever she needed comforting, that everything was going to be alright.

It was a couple of years before Kim finally accepted that Leon wasn’t the man that she once loved and would never return to being that man. She had just woken up and suddenly realised that everything was far from alright and things definitely weren’t going to get any better.

That was yesterday.

11

KIM LOOKED AT LEON as he lay next to her; sleeping. Normally when she woke up next to him she looked at him and wished that things would get back to normal – even though she knew ‘normal’ was a million miles from where they were now. Today was different though; she looked at Leon and felt nothing – to begin with. The more she watched him sleep the more she hated him – and everything he had put her through. She didn’t understand why but when she woke up today she knew things weren’t going to go back to how they were and she knew, even more, that she didn’t want them to go back to how they were. She knew that she’d never forgive him. She knew she had to get away from him – get away from the lifestyle that she was leading; the lifestyle that was slowly, but surely, killing her.

Kim carefully pushed the duvet from on top of her and slid from the bed, trying to be careful not to wake Leon. Whenever she had appointments, Leon always made her give the money to him so that he could take charge of it and ensure the bills were paid. Occasionally he’d allow her to keep some of the money so she could expand her wardrobe – keep things ‘fresh’ for the clients. She wasn’t allowed easy access to the rest of the money – but she knew where it was kept. All she had to do was find some ‘respectable’ clothes to wear – an outfit that didn’t make her look like she was on the game – and get the money from the safe. She’d worry about all of the other details later. She’d worry about all of the other details when she was safe.

With both feet firmly on the ground she looked over at Leon who was still sleeping. She smiled a smile of relief.

‘Nearly there,’ she thought.

She looked over to where her clothes were kept and quietly crept across the floor – careful not to stand on the boards that she knew would creak. When she opened the chest of drawers, she knew there was no point in looking at the top of the pile. She couldn’t remember the last time she wore ‘normal’ clothes. The bottom of the drawer was the obvious place to begin – quietly.

“What are you doing?”

Kim froze.

“I said what are you doing?” Leon repeated as he sat up to get a closer look at what Kim was up to.

Kim slowly turned to him, thinking on her feet, “I’m just getting some clothes ready – you know, for the appointment you got for me this morning.” If Leon thought, even for a split second, that she was trying to run out on him – she knew he would hurt her. He had done it before and wouldn’t hesitate to hurt her again if she went against him – but he wouldn’t hurt the face. As he found out at the start of ‘their business venture’ – bruised faces can affect business. No one wanted damaged goods.

“Leave it. I know what they like. I’ll get the clothes ready. Go and have a wash – make yourself fresh.” Kim’s heart sunk a little. In the short time she had been out of bed she had got used to the idea of running away from Leon; running away from her life. With Leon awake, watching her every move and dictating what she should do and wear, she felt as though she as back to square one. Maybe tomorrow she’d get another chance, she thought.

“Hurry up,” he said, “and go and have your wash so I can get in there after you.”

“Why don’t you have yours first?” she perked up – another chance to run from him.

“Ladies first,” he said. Kim couldn’t believe it – for years she had wanted him to be more of a real man; be more of a gentleman. Now, when she wanted him to be his usual self, so she’d have the chance to run, he was acting life a gentleman. She couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t refuse him. She couldn’t make him angry. She needed him to think everything was the same between them so it would be a complete surprise when she’d run.

“I won’t be long,” said Kim as she walked into the ensuite bathroom, closing the door behind her. She liked her bath times as it meant she got to lock herself in her own private domain without the fear of him disturbing her. He’d always leave her to it when she was in the bathroom. He’d always give her all the time she needed to make herself look good for her clients. The better she looked – the more chance they’d rebook her and repeat bookings meant more money!

“Don’t lock the door,” Leon called out to Kim. She opened the door again to see what he wanted.

“Did you say something?”

“Yeah, don’t lock the door. I’ll be in, in a minute.”

Kim did everything she could to force a smile on her face. She didn’t understand what he meant. She wasn’t sure whether it meant he was going to join her or whether he was just going to go to the toilet whilst she was in the bath. She pushed the door to.

* * * * *

Kim laid in the hot bath water unsure of what to do. She had her wash, when she first got in and was ready to get out but didn’t know whether Leon wanted to get in with her. He had asked for the door to be left open but hadn’t come in. He hadn’t called out to her. She knew that, if she got out and he did want to get in with her – he’d only be angry.

‘A couple more minutes,’ she thought to herself. A couple more minutes and then she knew she’d have no choice but to call out for him. She didn’t want to call out for him. She didn’t want him to come in with her. She didn’t want him anywhere near her.

She closed her eyes tight and called out, “Are you coming?” There was no reply. “Leon?” She waited a little longer before breathing a sigh of relief; a sigh of relief that came too soon as it was met with Leon pushing the door open slowly.

“What is it?” he asked – almost annoyed that he had been interrupted.

“You told me to leave the door open. I thought you were going to join me.”

Leon laughed; a hearty laugh as though Kim had cracked the world’s most amusing joke. Kim didn’t want Leon to join him but at the same time, she didn’t want him laughing in her face at the mere suggestion of it either.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“You,” said Leon, wearing only his boxer shorts, as he looked through the gap in the door. “Do you really think I’d want to join you?”

Kim sat up. There was a time when Leon insisted in joining Kim in the bath; further proof that things were definitely not going to get back to how they were.

“You used to.”

“Before you were a two-timing, little whore,” Leon spat back at her. He laughed again as he turned away from the door – back into the main bedroom.

“What did you say?” Kim was a ‘two-timing, little whore’ because he had made her into it. She did it for him. She had done it for them and that was something he had obviously forgotten. She climbed out of the bath. She didn’t need him to repeat what he said. She’d heard it. She followed him out of the bathroom, “YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS!”

Leon turned to face her, both amused at her outburst and also a little bit shocked. For years she had been this meek, lost little girl and now she was suddenly standing up to him. He wondered whether she had forgotten who she was talking to and clenched his fist ready to remind her, if need be.

“You could have stopped whenever you wanted,” he said.

“Every time I told you I wanted to stop you made me carry on. You forced me to do it,” she replied – getting more brazen. She stood face to face with Leon; her body language full of strength as she tried to take control of the situation – her situation.

“Then perhaps you should remember that,” said Leon menacingly. Kim recognised the tone of voice he used. She recognised the look in his eyes as they turned from a dark brown colour to a shade of black. She knew all of the warning signs for his mood changes. Today she didn’t care - he was going to hear her.

“What are you going to do about it? What can you do to me that’s worse than what you’ve already put me through?”

Leon didn’t say anything – for once he didn’t know what to say. The new Kim was a shock to his system; an even bigger shock to his recently-drug-fuelled system.

“Well?” she goaded him again.

“I suggest you shut the fuck up and get ready for your appointment.”

“You made the appointment. You do it, because I’m not!”

“Yes, you are.”

“No. FUCK YOU!”

Leon snapped. He grabbed Kim by the shoulders and threw her back into the bathroom where she landed with a bang, against the toilet. Before she could stand up and regain her composure, what little she had, Leon was right with her.

“Look at your face,” he said, “I think you missed a bit when you were washing. Here – let me help!” He grabbed her by her upper body and spun her round so she was facing the bath. A quick kick against her back leg dropped her to the floor – making it easier for him to force her head into the bath water.

Using one hand he held her head under the water whilst his spare hand was free to reach for the soap. He kept her under for a little longer, whilst she thrashed around, before finally letting her up again – long enough to stick the bar of soap into her mouth, “Now let’s clean that potty mouth of yours. We can’t let your clients hear that sort of language!” Leon laughed as he pushed her under the water again, “Honestly, I don’t know how you would have got this far without me. It’s a good job you’ve got me looking out for you!”

Taking a clump of her hair, he pulled her back out of the water again, “Now,” he said, “do you still want me to help you get ready or can you manage the rest yourself?”

Kim didn’t reply. Even if she wanted to – she couldn’t as she gasped for air. Leon smiled, happy with the lesson he had taught. Happy with the lesson he believed he had taught her. He turned his back, unaware that Kim had stood up and taken his razor from the side, next to the sink.

“FUCK YOU!” she screamed as she lunged for Leon. Perhaps if she had lunged and sliced him before screaming he wouldn’t have heard her and had the time to take action. In a swift movement he span round, on the spot, knocked the razor from her hand and pushed her back – hard against the bathroom mirror; shattering it into several large pieces. Kim ended up on the floor with tears of frustration and pain cascading down her face.

“You tried to fucking cut me?” said Leon as he picked up the razor. He looked at it for a split second before pressing it against Kim’s cheek – not hard enough to split the skin. “If it wasn’t bad for business I’d cut your fucking face off where you sit, you cunt.”

“Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.” Kim wanted him to do it. Things were never going to get back to how they were. She knew it would be impossible to escape Leon. She wanted him to cut her so deep that it would do more than end her ‘business’ but also end her miserable life – something she had often contemplated since the change of lifestyle but never had the courage to follow through with.

“No,” said Leon as he pulled the blade away from her face. “Your appointment will be here soon. You’re going to get up off the floor, make yourself look as pretty as possible and earn some money. If you don’t – I’ll hurt you in ways far worse than you can imagine. I’ll hurt you in ways that will cause you more pain than what you’ve ever felt before and then I’ll let the client fuck you anyway. The choice is yours.” He stopped and looked at Kim who was still crying uncontrollably. He stood to his full height and pulled a small, silver wrap from his pocket before dropping it to the floor – just in front of Kim. “That’ll help ease your pain.”

With that he turned and went to walk out of the room – still keeping hold of the razor so Kim couldn’t get her hands on it; not that she needed it. Instead of reaching for the silver wrap, she took hold of the largest shard of glass that she could see.

“I’m sorry, honey,” she said as she quietly stood up – her sudden change in mood and composure caused Leon to turn around. Before he could say anything, quick as a flash, Kim swiped the glass shard across Leon’s neck – splitting a hole straight across it. A large gaping wound that instantly pumped blood down his front, over Kim and into a large puddle on the floor.

Leon gasped and gargled as he dropped to his knees, clutching his wound, before falling face first onto the bathroom floor – lifeless. At first Kim didn’t move. She simply stood there, staring ahead to where Leon had been standing, with the shard of glass still in the palm of her hand and a look of pure hatred on her bloodied face.

12

KIRK DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. He just sat there. Truth be told, he didn’t know what to say. He knew ‘bad things’ had happened to Kim but he didn’t realise things had gone this far for her. Another emotion was bubbling away inside of him – fear. He wasn’t scared of her. He wasn’t scared of what she had done. He was scared for her. Kirk knew why she killed Leon. He knew that if she hadn’t killed him then, one day, he probably would have killed her – either directly or indirectly; Leon would have been the cause of her death.

“I’m sorry, I’ll just go,” said Kim as she stood up, ready to go.

Kirk took hold her wrist and pulled her back down to the sofa, “No, don’t go.” She looked at him with a puzzled look on her face. “I’m sorry I was just a little shocked. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I killed a man,” replied Kim.

“No you didn’t.”

Leon wasn’t a man. A real man doesn’t force a woman to do anything that she doesn’t want to. A real man doesn’t turn the love of his life into a sex toy for strangers and a real man certainly doesn’t beat up women. By killing Leon, Kirk believed Kim did herself, and society, a favour.

“They’ll say I killed him when they find him though. They’ll say it was me that took his life and they’ll be right.” Kim started to cry. She wasn’t crying for the life she took. She was crying for the life she was yet to lose.

“You could say you were with me,” said Kirk as he held onto Kim’s hands. He didn’t believe in murder but he did believe in self-defence. Kim was in trouble and he knew it and he didn’t want her to get arrested for killing a monster.

Kim looked at him, a look of disbelief in her eyes, “You’d lie for me?” A smile flickered briefly on her face before instantly fading again. It would be a beautiful lie. It would be a lie they wouldn’t get away with; a lie that would lead Kirk into trouble as well – and Kim knew it. Her prints were all over the shard of glass that killed Leon. Footprints of blood lead away from the room. The neighbours could have heard all of the commotion. Even if she could get home and clear away anything that linked her to the actual crime – the neighbours had probably already phoned the police. She couldn’t go back. She couldn’t risk it. “I don’t want you to lie for me,” she said; a lie. If she thought they could get away with it, she would have loved for him to lie for her.

He was willing to lie for her. A gesture like that, she thought, surely meant that he liked her. You wouldn’t just lie for someone you didn’t care about. Not a lie like that.

“I’m not going to kick you out of here,” he said, referring to his house. “You can stay here as long as you need to. When you’re ready – we can always go to the police station together. I’ll back your story up about the abuse suffered and what he made you do. They may let you off.”

Kim smiled. Kirk was sweet. Kirk was sweet but he didn’t understand. She had no intention of going to the police.

* * * * *

Kim sat on the bathroom floor, in a puddle of Leon’s blood, next to the body. She didn’t cry. She was glad that he was dead. It was nothing short of what he deserved. She looked to her hands, caked in fresh blood and watched as they shook due to the adrenalin, and fear, that was coursing through her entire body. She was glad that he was dead but, at the same time, she knew she was in trouble.

Even with everything that she had been through, in her life, Kim knew that she wouldn’t survive in prison. People like her – they weren’t made to live behind bars with real murderers, rapists and robbers. She wasn’t a criminal. She wasn’t a criminal – just a murderer. She dropped the shard of glass to the floor where it shattered into smaller fragments, by her side. Her eyes followed one of the smaller shards as it skidded across the floor and halted next to the small, silver wrap that Leon had tried to give her earlier. He had said that it would help to ease the pain. What about to help ease the fear? She picked it up and wrapped it; a chalk-like substance within with a strong chemically scent – an unusual scent but not an unpleasant one. She knew what it was although she had never seen it before. Not in ‘real life’. Kim didn’t even think to question why Leon had it, or where he had got it from, as she held the drug, already crushed, to her nose and sniffed hard.

Kim coughed hard as the cocaine hit the back of her throat for the first time; a weird, yet strangely pleasant, sensation that left a funny taste in her mouth. It wasn’t long before her mouth, even her teeth, felt numb to the touch and she couldn’t help but to keep running her tongue across her front teeth. She knew she was in trouble because of what she had done and yet, now, she didn’t care quite as much. Her mind was awash with a newfound confidence. As she sat there feeling the pleasant effects of the cocaine she realised that she didn’t have to sit here and wait to be found. She didn’t need to wait for them to be found. With all the money she had raised, through working, there’d be enough to get away from it all – at least to another city where no one would know her. Another city where she may get the chance to live a normal life; something she craved ever since Jackie got sick for the second time and it was taken away from her.

Kim picked herself up from the floor and stepped over Leon’s body, leaving bloody footprints, as she went back into the main bedroom and towards the cupboard that contained the small safe Leon had purchased with some of the money. He didn’t trust banks with his money and didn’t trust the strangers that frequented the bedroom so made the safe one of the first purchases – somewhere safe to keep his money. But there was no money inside.

The safe door opened to reveal more silver wraps and a syringe – evidently Leon hadn’t just started taking cocaine but had also been experimenting with other drugs. Kim couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe how stupid she had been not to recognise any signs. She knew he had changed, for the worse, and had mood problems but she had always put it down to stress. She never thought that he’d be involved with drugs. In hindsight it was obvious there was something more to his personality change and sudden greed of money but love, and a desperate hope of normality, had blinded her. How could she have been so stupid? Her heart sank as she dropped to her knees – a feeling of helplessness washed over her again, drowning out the effects of the cocaine, as she felt trapped once more. With no money there was nowhere she could run to. There was no way of escaping her crimes. Her mind clouded over with images of prison, and what she could expect from her actions, until they were interrupted with the sound of a telephone; Leon’s mobile phone ringing in his trouser pocket – his trousers that were thrown over the chair ready for him just to throw on. Leon didn’t have a personal mobile phone. He only ever carried the work phone around with him; the ringing alerting him that another client wanted to see Kim.

This time the phone was telling Kim more than that. It was telling her that there was a way out of this mess. All she had to do was take the calls and insist on seeing the clients in their houses or hotels only; don’t let them come to her house – don’t let them see Leon. The phone was telling her, this time, that all she had to do was work for one more night, as many appointments as she physically could, to raise enough money to get as far away as possible. She stood up and ran over to the trousers before taking the phone from the left hand pocket.

She didn’t pause in answering it. She knew this was her best shot of getting away from it all. She knew it was her best shot of getting away with murder. More importantly – she knew that if she waited any longer to answer the phone, the person on the other end could quite easily think she was out and hang up.

“Hello?” she said, her voice shaking. It was the first time she had answered the phone to a potential booking. Leon had always taken care of that side of things – both to be sure she’d get the booking but also to make it look as though he deserved a cut of the money she made from the strangers. She listened to the stranger’s question before answering, “Yes, this is Stacey.” Stacey was her working name. She refused to use Kim. She believed that, if her mum could see her, her mum may not believe it was her daughter that she was watching, if she used a fake name. She hoped that her mum would believe it was someone else’s poor daughter that was on the game – someone that just happened to look similar to her own daughter.

“It’s your lucky day! I am free now,” said Kim to the stranger on the other end of the phone-line. She hurried over to the bedside cabinet and grabbed a pen and piece of paper from the drawer before scribbling down an address; Kirk’s address.

“I’ll see you soon,” she said before putting the phone down. The first appointment of the day was booked. All she had to do was get ready and out of the house before the other appointment arrived. She couldn’t go through with the appointment that was already arranged for the day – not with Leon in the bathroom.

13

“WAS THAT ME ON THE PHONE?” asked Kirk.

“Yes. Are you angry?”

Kirk didn’t say anything. There was nothing to be angry about. Not for him, anyway. He had called her and he understood why she answered the phone. She believed that she had to – to try and raise the money she needed. She was only trying to survive.

“Did you want me to leave now?” asked Kim worried from the lack of response from Kirk.

“No,” he said suddenly. “I’ve already said you can stay for as long as you need to. It’s not a problem.” He kept telling himself that it was self-defence that drove her to murder. She wasn’t a murderer. “He deserved it,” he said out loud. Kim smiled – she was grateful to Kirk. She was grateful for everything he was doing for her and she was grateful, even more so, that he understood her.

Kim smiled and looked away from him, embarrassed, “I bet you wish you never called me now.”

“I wish I had called you sooner,” he replied. She turned back to him and looked in his eyes. The windows of his soul showed her that he was being sincere. He meant everything he said to her. She wanted to lean in, close to him, hopeful that he’d lean in to her; hopeful that he’d kiss her. She didn’t lean in. It wasn’t the right time. She smiled again.

“Thank you for everything,” she said as she continued to look at Kirk. Kirk, on the other hand, didn’t look at her – he was looking to the floor as though he was in deep thought. He was in deep thought; trying to think of a way out of her predicament for her. “Would you mind if I had that bath now?” she asked hoping to break him from his trance-like state. He didn’t reply. “Kirk?” she continued.

“I’m sorry – I was miles away,” he looked up to her and smiled. It was a smile that tried desperately to hide his obvious worry for her. It was a smile that failed.

Kim chose to ignore it, “I said would you mind if I had that bath now?”

“No, not at all, I’ll show you where everything is.” He stood up, with Kim, and led her up the stairs to the bathroom. It was another white bathroom. Kim shook the images of all the men, she had slept with, from her mind as the hotel-style bathroom teased the memories to the forefront of her mind again. “Are you okay?” asked Kirk.

“I’m fine. Thanks again – for everything.”

Kirk smiled and pointed out the towel that hung from the rail, next to the radiator, “I’ll leave you to it. Just shout if you need anything.” With that he turned and walked from the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Kim stood and stared at the door, momentarily, wondering whether Kirk was on his way down the stairs to phone the police. Part of her wanted to run and a bigger part of her wanted to be able to trust him. She pressed her ear close to the door – waiting to hear his voice. Instead of his voice, she heard a door close further down the landing. She put the negative thoughts of Kirk from her mind. Even if he did call the police, she knew that one day that’d probably catch up with her anyway and maybe, as he said, they would let her go due to the circumstances. She didn’t believe it enough to turn herself in but, if someone else turned her in – she’d have no choice but to try and believe. She ran the hot water, for her bath, and looked to her sorry reflection in the mirror. Whenever she looked into a mirror she always saw the worst; this sorry looking woman who fucked men for money. She never saw the woman that she really was – the victim. She closed her eyes. She knew Kirk didn’t see her in the same light she looked upon herself with. She wondered; did he see her as a victim or did he see her as something more? The more Kirk was in her mind; the more she thought of him. Not all of the men she had appointments with were horrible to her but none of them came close to the kindness that Kirk offered. None of the other men seemed to be as human.

“He’s probably phoning the police right now,” whispered a voice from behind Kim. She opened her eyes and saw Leon, standing behind her, in the reflection of the mirror. She knew he wasn’t really there. Just as before, in the hotel room, it was her guilty subconscious haunting her; reminding her that she doesn’t have the right to think of anything other than her past actions. She doesn’t have the right to wonder whether she could ever lead a normal, happy life with Kirk.

“Do you really believe he holds any feelings for you, other than one of pity? You’re nothing. You’re less than nothing; a dirty, drug addicted whore. A murderer,” continued her subconscious.

She closed her eyes again hoping that Leon wouldn’t be there when she opened them. He was; pale skin with the wound still looking fresh across his throat.

“He’s calling the police right now. They’ll be coming for you soon. There’s nowhere you can run to – no one you can turn to. That’s it.”

Kim wanted to reply but didn’t. There was no point. Even with Leon’s sneering face staring at her, via the reflection – she knew he wasn’t really there to reply to. All that he was saying was just what she was thinking. Again, she shut her eyes tight. She knew the only way to silence ‘him’ was to talk to Kirk; talk to Kirk and find out how he felt about her current situation. More importantly, how he felt about her. He had to like her. She didn’t believe he was doing all of this for her because he felt sorry for her. There must have been something else to it. There had to be something more to it. She opened her eyes and Leon was gone. Kim turned back to the bath and turned the tap off. She had to talk to Kirk – if only to tell him how she thought she felt about him. She didn’t understand where the feelings had come from but she couldn’t ignore them as she hoped Kirk was her salvation – her path to a normal life. She couldn’t help but get carried away as, in her mind, Kirk said how much he loved her and would hide her away forever – he wouldn’t let anymore harm come to her and would keep her locked away from the people outside that were looking for her. She didn’t need anyone else in her life.

Kim took a deep breath before she opened the bathroom door and stepped onto the landing, “Kirk?” she half-heartedly called out. She wanted to talk to him but, at the same time, she was worried about his reaction. She knew she was being silly – he had been fine about everything else she had told him, so far, and this was nothing in comparison to what she had done to Leon. “Kirk?” she called again. Again, there was no reply. She stopped and listened carefully – trying to determine which room he had gone to after leaving her in the bathroom.

Kim took a breath in, ready to call out again, but stopped short of calling Kirk’s name again when she heard muffled voices coming from the first bedroom on the right hand side of the landing. She cautiously approached the door and gently pressed her ear against the wood – trying to hear who was talking. Kirk; she recognised his voice but not the second, quieter voice. She pressed her ear harder against the door.

“You know I love you,” said Kirk, in the other room, “I don’t know what you are getting jealous about.”

There was a muffled answer. The voice sounded quiet but there was a definite angry tone. Kim strained harder but couldn’t make the voice out.

“Don’t be stupid. Of course I’m going to be nice to her – look at what’s happened to her! Look at what she has been through these past few years,” said Kirk as he defended himself. “She’s a prostitute!”

Kim pulled her ear away from the door. She had heard enough. She had hoped Kirk was going to be the man in her life that she could trust but his words hurt her more than Leon’s violent outbursts. Her eyes welled-up and a tear trickled down her cheek before reaching the end and dropping to the floor. She stepped back away from the door unsure of her next move. She wanted to stay with Kirk for as long as possible but, whoever else was in the room, didn’t want her there.

Kim turned down the hallway and crept back into the bathroom – trying to be quiet so Kirk wouldn’t realise that she had been listening to his conversation. He had been kind to her and she didn’t want him feeling awkward.

When she got back into the bathroom she locked the door behind her in case the other person suddenly came charging in to confront her. She didn’t need that on top of everything else as well. Kim returned to the bathroom mirror and wiped another rogue tear from her cheek.

“You were stupid to think he’d want you, or even continue to help you,” said Leon as he stepped into the reflection behind Kim.

“Fuck you,” she whispered with another tear spilling from her eye.

“You belong with me,” said Leon as he opened the cabinet that was fixed to the side wall, next to the mirror. “Do yourself a favour. Do everyone a favour. Do the right thing. You don’t belong here.”

In her mind Leon pulled a razor blade from the cabinet and held it to Kim’s wrist. In reality – she had hold of the razor herself and Leon wasn’t there.

“It’s the only way of escaping what you’ve done. It’s the only way of escaping what you’ve become.” He pressed the edge of the blade into her vein, opening it up. Kim flinched at the sharp sting and screwed her eyes up tightly – not daring to see what she was doing.

“You belong with me,” continued Leon. He pulled the razor down the length of her main vein – slicing it deeply. More blood flowed out and spilled over onto the floor. He gently let go of her wrist and took a hold of her other arm.

In reality, Kim took hold of the razor with her other hand and pressed it into the vein on her other wrist. She opened her eyes to make sure she was in the correct position before…

Leon pressed the razor down hard, same as before, cutting deeply into the vein – freeing the blood. “You belong with me,” he repeated, “in Hell.”

Kim dropped the razor blade to the floor and screwed her eyes up tightly, once more, as she tried to block the pain out. The stinging sensation was worse than anything she had ever felt before. Tears started to flow more frequently as the pain increased.

“No one could ever love someone like you,” she said to herself as Leon cuddled in close behind her and kissed her neck.

“No one could have loved you as much as me,” said Leon.

14

IF KIM HAD CARRIED ON LISTENING at the door she would have heard Kirk say that he thought he had feelings for her. He said that it was time to let go of the past and that, now, he had a chance of finding happiness once more – even with the current circumstances. He didn’t know how he could fix things but he felt that it wasn’t too late to put things right for Kim; and, ultimately, himself. If Kim had continued to listen at the door she would have heard Kirk confess that he had feelings for her when he first saw her at college – when she first knew, and dismissed, him. Kim would have heard him say that he would never stop loving Tracy but there was room in his life for Kim as well. He said that, if Tracy loved him, she would understand how he felt; what he was going through. He said that Tracy should let him live his life, if she loved him. That was where the conversation stopped as Kirk walked from the room. He walked from the room to tell Kim how he felt. He walked from the room to reassure her that, although he didn’t know how, everything was going to be alright – for them both.

Kirk tapped gently on the door, so as not to startle Kim, and waited for her to answer him; waited for her to call that it was okay for him to enter. There was no reply. He knocked again, a little harder this time. Again, there was no reply.

“Kim,” he called through the door, “can I come in for a minute, please? There’s something I have to say to you.” He waited patiently for an answer but, again, no answer came. He thought that she could have fallen asleep in the bath. A safe, warm environment where people could often lock themselves away and forget about their problems; Kirk often fell asleep in the bath himself. He knocked again louder, hoping to wake her up. No reply.

Kirk tried the door handle; locked. Part of him felt a little offended that she would lock the door after he left. He had closed the door in the first place to give her the privacy she would have wanted – she didn’t need to lock him out. He would have left her to it. With the lack of replies coming from the bathroom, and with the noise he was making to get them, he couldn’t help but feel concerned.

“Kim, are you okay in there?” he called through – not quite shouting but not exactly whispering either. As his concerns grew stronger he banged his closed fist against the wooden door, harder. “KIM?” he shouted. Again, there was no reply. “If you can hear me and just want to be left alone, just tell me and I’ll go, okay?” he said through the door in a gentle tone of voice. Maybe she was ignoring him. Maybe she did just want peace and quiet and to forget everything, and everyone, whilst she washed away her sins. Kim didn’t reply.

Kirk tried the door handle again hoping that, maybe, it wasn’t locked and that it was just jammed. This time, with the twist of the handle, he threw his body weight against the door. The door didn’t move. It was locked. He rubbed his shoulder and tried, once more, to get her attention, “Kim, I’m getting worried out here – can you just let me know you are okay, please?”

When Kim didn’t reply, he took a few steps back and lined up his foot against the door, where you lock would be, and started kicking as hard as he could – desperately trying to break the door open. If she was asleep; she’d soon let him know that everything was okay on the other side of the door. Either that or, in her present condition, she’d have a heart attack. Kirk kicked the door hard. It moved slightly but that was it. He let loose with another kick; another slight give in the wood.

“Please, just let me in!” he called out with each kick as he got more and more desperate to see that Kim was okay; more and more desperate to see that Kim was even still in the bathroom and hadn’t climbed out of the window. “Please, just let me in!”

* * * * *

“Please, just let me in!” said Tracy as she banged on the car window. Kirk was sat in the driving seat watching her, and laughing.

“Promise me first; promise me that you do love me and that you really do want to marry me. Promise me!”

“Come on, it’s cold out here,” replied Tracy, trying hard not to laugh herself.

“I need to hear you promise me,” teased Kirk as he turned the key in the car’s ignition, firing the engine into life. To prove his point, further, that he was willing to go without her he revved the engine a little. “Promise me, I’ll drive off and leave you here – and then you’ll have to go back into the restaurant and get them to order you a taxi,” he teased again.

Tracy smiled, “If you don’t take me home now, I won’t be able to prove how much I love you.” She licked her lips seductively.

Kirk hesitated for a moment before, “Oh well, if you put it like that!” He leant across to the passenger side and pulled the door lock up – letting Tracy in.

“Asshole,” she laughed as she climbed in.

“Ah, signs of true love,” he smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she replied as she turned to him. They kissed.

“Seat belt,” said Kirk as he sat back upright into his chair and turned his attention back to the wheel. He pressed his foot down on the accelerator and the car pulled away from the restaurant’s car park.

“But if I put my seat belt on, how can I show you how much I love you?” said Tracy as she leant across in her seat and undid Kirk’s belt.

“What are you doing?” he laughed as he tried to fight her off with one hand.

“Concentrate on the road, we don’t want to have an accident now, do we?” she laughed as she took hold of his hand and placed it on the wheel before turning her attention back to his belt.

* * * * *

The wood around the bathroom door splintered and the door swung round, hitting Kim in the head where she laid on the white-tiled floor, in a pool of her own blood. Kirk froze. There was so much blood.

* * * * *

When Kirk opened his eyes he saw the blood; all the blood. There was so much blood. He turned his head to the passenger seat; the empty passenger seat. Panic kicked in – where was she? Where was Tracy? He tried to open the car door but it didn’t budge. The damaged body-work keeping it forced shut.

“Tracy?” he called out. There was no reply, “TRACY?” He undid his seat belt and climbed through the smashed windscreen, cutting his hand in the process. When he was completely through he rolled off the side of the crumpled, smoking bonnet and dropped to the floor with a thump, “TRACY?” He sat upright. There she was; the other side of the trees. Kirk ignored his own pain and stood up. As he stumbled his way through the woods to get to where Tracy was he cast his mind back to what happened. What had happened? He had driven that stretch of quiet, country road a hundred times before. He shut it from his mind – it wasn’t important. Tracy was. The baby was. Oh God.

15

KIRK RAN DOWNSTAIRS and picked up the telephone. Kim’s pulse was very faint but there was still a chance to save her. He dialled a nine, then another nine and then stopped. If he called the ambulance they’d come for her. They may even save her. But then she’ll face more tough questions – and what if they’ve found Leon already? He hesitated over the final ‘nine’ before putting the phone back into the charger unit. He didn’t need them to save her. He could; just as he had saved Tracy.

Kirk walked back upstairs and into the bathroom where Kim was still lying in her own blood. He stopped and looked at her. She was beautiful. He bent over and kissed her on the lips before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her down the landing, towards the first bedroom on the right.

When he got to the door, he pushed it open with his foot – being careful to keep his balance. The door opened and a strong vanilla fragrance wafted out. He carried Kim into the room. The curtains were closed making it dark to see but he knew his way around the room to avoid any obstacles. He took Kim to the bed and placed her on the right hand side before flicking the bedside light on – illuminating the room.

All around the room, scattered on the floor, were pictures of Tracy. Stuck to the wall, with tape, were more pictures of Tracy – some of them were just of her and others were of her and Kirk together. From the ceiling hung hundreds of car fresheners – all shaped like trees – all giving off a strong vanilla fragrance. The only other thing in the room was the bed; Kim on the right hand side of it and Tracy on the left hand side; decomposed – a skeleton of her former self.

* * * * *

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Kirk kept saying to himself as he rocked back and fourth with Tracy in his arms. Kirk knew that, although she was distracting him at the time, this was his entire fault. She was dead because of him. The baby was dead because of him; his baby. He wept as he stood up, with Tracy in his arms and started walking from the scene of the accident. He wasn’t too far from his house and he knew he could make it before morning. He’d worry about the car in the morning, phone the police and report it as stolen. He just had to get away now.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he kept saying to Tracy, sure that her corpse could hear him, “I’ll look after you, no one is going to take you away from me. I love you so much.” He wept; from both the thought of losing Tracy and from the pain in his right temple that must have happened during the crash.

He had been looking for someone like Tracy for as long as he could remember – and he wasn’t about to lose her now. No one was going to take her away from him. She was his. Once he’d get her home, he’d protect her. He’d never let her go.

* * * * *

“You’re safe now. You both are. My ladies. I’ll look after you, nothing bad can happen to you now,” said Kirk as he stood above Tracy and Kim. He climbed onto the bed, between them, and gave them both a tender kiss on the lips, “I love you so much, I’ll protect you. There’s room for both of you in my life.”

He smiled as he pulled the duvet up, “I love you.”

He leant across and turned the bedside light off again, plunging them back into darkness.

“We love you too,” said a ‘female’ voice.

~ END

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