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We Shouldn’t Be Doing This

by Jamie Lake

JUST A QUICKIE SERIES - 30 MINUTE GAY ROMANCE M/M READS

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CHAPTER ONE

We grew up together. Literally, we were in diapers together, even shared a playpen when we were toddlers.  Alexis was a scrawny little teenager the last time I saw him but we had a crush on each other ever since as long as I could remember. Never did anything about it, other than played doctor.  We looked a dirty magazines, talked about “doing it” but we didn’t even know what “it” was.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I hadn’t thought about him every day since he moved away. His mom, Carmella worked as our maid for years, she was gorgeous and petite could have easily been a model had she not suffered from uncontrollable circumstances. I remember her dark hair used to fall in front of her face as she worked and no matter how busy she was, she’d always take the time to give me a smile and a comforting word.  Sweet and loving, the type of woman I wished my own mother was. 

But when my mother, who was cold and neurotic, and not half the beauty Carmella was, found out that my father had been fucking her for years, she was prompt at getting rid of her and Alexis, no matter how much I protested. We were wealthy, by far one of the wealthiest in Forest Hills, Oregon. My dad inherited most of his money from both of my grandparents. Our mansion was perched atop a hill shrouded in evergreens and cushioned by downy clouds that sat on the hill.  I remembered countless hours running through the forest with Alexis, the fresh air filling our lungs, the scent of pine trees so strong it clung to us.  And we were barely able to catch our breath as we played hide and seek, cops and robbers and as we got older, doctor.  We blew it off as experimentation, but many a nights I knew the way we looked into each other’s eyes, it was so much more than that. Even at that age, I knew it was more than just juvenile lust. He always smelled of Old Spice, that I remember clearly. He snuck it from his dad every morning.  His light colored hazel eyes, that dark hair and the beauty mark that rested just above his upper lip. Many a nights we’d practice kissing, saying we needed to know so that we could do it right when we had girlfriends. But that was a lie. I knew it and he knew it. We weren’t practicing at all. No, we were were making love and it was a secret that only we shared and dared not speak of.  It was he that gave me my first real kissing, he who touched me like he’d done it a thousand times before, running his fingers up and down my body, discovering every spot that turned me on together and it was he, that took my virginity away.  My parents knew nothing of this, of course. All they knew was that we were inseparable. And yet, my mother didn’t care.

He was my best friend, I told her, I remember angry tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t even fathom a day going by without him and she knew this but she didn’t care. She wanted to get rid of that “whore maid” as she called Carmella and any evidence that she and my dad had ever had a steamy affair.

Even back then, I knew Alexis and I had a secret crush on men.  He and I often snuck around the nearby campsite and watched the grown men shower. We’d climb up the concrete walls in silence.  The crickets screeching at us as if to sound alarms and we’d hoist each other up so that we could peer inside the fogged windows for a better look. We’d get hard, both of us but neither of us would admit it to each other. We’d joke as if we were playing a practical joke but in reality, we wanted to see the hard men, loggers, campers, some with overweight bodies but from time to time, hot young men with ripped bodies would soap themselves up and we’d watch their hands glide all over their bodies, down their hard backs, bulging biceps, fondling their balls and long thick dicks.  There were times when they thought no one was looking and they’d jack off right in front of us.  There was even a time or two when we’d watch the men suck each other offer or fuck each other like bears pressed against the concrete walls of the bathroom, steam barely veiling their erotic embraces and activities. Alexis and I wouldn’t say a word, we’d just watch and pretend that it grossed us out but later on at night, he’d sneak into my bedroom when our parents were asleep and he’d lock the door.  He’d climb under the covers and I’d pretend to sleep until he tried what he’d learned that day watching the men on me and finally I couldn’t pretend anymore and we’d fuck and suck all night long until we both came.

We wouldn’t talk about it in the morning. We’d pretend it never happened and he’d say something like, “You know I’m straight, right?”

I’d nod and say, “Of course, me too. Did you see that hot girl in school today?” or some bullshit but the truth was, it hurt every time he’d pretend what we did, what we meant to each other was nothing.  To me, it was everything, to me it was more than experimentation, it was making love.

When he was forced out of my life, I thought I was losing a part of myself, a best friend, almost like a brother -- little did I know how true that statement was until years later. 

As the  years went by, I tried to pass it off as just a childhood crush, even today in my 20s, but it didn’t go away.   I knew, if I was real with myself, even back then, we were in love with each other. Strange as it sounds, but when you know, you just know.

And yet, here he was nearly 15 years later standing before me inside our mansion at our marble foyer.  I should have known, he smelled like Old Spice. The scent wafting in the air clear across the other wing of our mansion as if to tempt me, to call for me. My heart raced, long before my father called me on the intercom and asked me to join him. I knew, my skin knew, my heart knew, my everything knew, my Alexis had come home. I tried not to get over-excited. It had been years since we’d seen or heard from each other. Though we swore we’d stay in touch, time eventually drew us apart and my mother did everything in her power to make sure we never spoke again. He probably forgot about me, I told myself and even if he hadn’t, it’s not like we could have rekindled what we once had. That was then, this was now and I felt foolish holding on to the hope, this many years later that somehow our connection would remain the same.

I remember rushing into the bathroom and trying on half a dozen outfits before I stepped foot outside my door.  I wanted something casual but something tight fitting. I’d kept in shape all these years, working out just about every day as if to prepare for one day seeing him.  I knew I looked good, my secret boyfriends over the years always told me so. I looked in the mirror and played with my sandy blonde hair until I came up with something that made me look presentable. Looking into my deep grey eyes, hoping I’d still be appealing to him.

I came out of the bathroom, and I could hear the voice looming and echoing in the distance. His voice was deeper, older but it was definitely his voice. The voice I’d imagined in my head all this time, the voice I missed. I swallowed, my heart pounding as I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and practiced in my head what I would say, howI would greet him but when I saw him standing at the foyer. I couldn’t speak, my brain froze. He was better than I’d remembered, better looking than I’d dreamed he’d look but my heart sank as I knew a man like that was definitely straight or even married. Goddamn he looked good.

No longer scrawny, those skin and bones had given way to huge biceps and triceps leaning on the massive marble columns inside our foyer. He had broad shoulders and a taut chest; the type I imagined must be great to see rise and fall as you were sitting on his cock. The type of chest you wanted to etch your fingers into, or suckle and bite watching him arch his neck, his mouth parted open in ecstasy.

Alexis was wearing shorts that exposed his thick muscular thighs and a low-hanging tank top that left almost nothing to the imagination. He had buzzed hairy chest, that I could see and those pink nipples were peaking out as if to tempt me to suck on them right then and there. I couldn’t, of course, even if he wanted to because my dad was standing right there.  Only in his 40s, but my dad had aged and was hunched over, he looked much older than most guys his age. No matter how much money he had, the years of stress and heartbreak separated from the woman he truly loved had taken its toll on him.

I stepped closer and cleared my throat, trying to pretend to be braver and more confident than I felt as I squared off with Alexis.  His athletic body was a sight for sore eyes for sure.  But it was those eyes, those hazel eyes that looked at me with familiarity and kindness and excitement that drew me in the most. Though the skinny scrawny boy had been replaced by a full grown man, his eyes told me he hadn’t forgotten me.

Dad turned toward me as I approached. “Chad, you remember Alexis?”

“Uh, yeah, of course,” I said smiling at him. His face lit up at the site of me and we must have shook hands and hugged for what felt like forever. Jesus it felt good seeing him and touching him. The strength of his hold on me as he hugged me, gave me a twinge I wasn’t expecting. The scent of Old Spice filled my nostrils and brought back memories of our endless nights of enjoying the talent of his hands and flickering long tongue.  The feel of his strong back as I squeezed him, his muscular hard body pressing against mine, was making my cock swell, no matter how much I tried to control it. I felt almost wrong feeling the way  I felt about him , he was practically a brother to me. But I couldn’t help it and try as I may, not only did I get misty-eyed but my cock was swelling so full, hard and fast, it was going to be hard to hide if I didn’t do something about it.  I broke away from our hug and hoped he didn’t feel it but something told me he had.

He smiled at me wiping his own tears.

“Why you gonna make me cry man?” he said. “Fuck. Excuse my French.”

I laughed. “No, man. Fuck is right.  Well, it’s been a long time. We have a lot to catch up. What the hell are you doing here?” I asked him, patting his hard body.

He smiled, “Well, I … it’s been a long time and-”

“How’s your mother?” my dad had to ask, ruining the moment. For a moment, it was just Alexis and me and no one else in the world.  I hoped that my mother wasn’t anywhere in earshot . The last thing I needed was her drama. I loved my mother, I really did, she was a beautiful person deep inside but she just wasn’t the same after she kicked Alexis’s mother out. She and the maid had become best friends and I think it did more damage to her than I realized.  She was probably upstairs, draped over her king sized bed, drunk as ever, as usual. Or she was sitting in her bathtub sipping champagne from her crystal glasses and watching her telenovelas, a habit she picked up from Alexis’ mother that she hadn’t quite quit since then. I sighed at the thought of it and just stood their politely listening to Alexis answer the uncomfortable question to my dad as politely as he could. Though I could tell by the way he was twisting his strong body, that he really didn’t want to go there. The past was so painful and I was surprised to see him at our doorstep. What was he doing here anyway? I wondered. Had he missed me as much as I missed him? I suppressed the anger bubbling forth at him for not returning any of my calls or letters over the years and of pushing me away, that one night when I was 17, when I’d professed my love to him. I remembered that night clearly, it was raining and we were both running toward the house, drenched like wet rats when I stopped him. His handsome face was lit by the lanterns that surrounded our pool and he looked so hot I couldn’t help but kiss him full lips and he didn’t kiss me back, not even a little bit. He just looked at me as a fumbled through an explanation, telling him what I’d been holding back for years, that I was in love with him, that when I closed my eyes at night, all I thought about was him, that I wanted to be next to him the whole rest of my life. And he just looked at me, barely and said, “Dude, I’m not gay.”

It hurt like a stab to the heart as he backed away into the house and left me there in the cold rain, soaked and abandoned. I wanted to die. I joked it off the whole next day and we never talked about it.  But that’s what hurt the most. I was standing right next to him that next morning, laughing with him, joking with him and I missed him. I literally missed him, though he was close enough to touch, close enough to kiss, close enough to lay my head on his shoulder. I needed him to comfort me, to stroke my head and tell me, everything would be alright, that he felt the way I did about him but that he was just scared. But he didn’t. Not a word.  I was inches away and he never felt more distant.

I took a deep breath, bringing myself back to today. My eyes glanced at the fresh roses that filled our home, something my father had always had done for the maid and I knew he kept around as a memory of her.

“She’s … I won’t lie,” Alexis told him, clearing his throat, “It’s been a struggle for her. She misses you, misses the whole family,” he said with a twinge of sadness in his voice.

My heart sank, I always loved Carmella. She was like a second mother to me and like a sister to my mother before everything changed. I hated to hear that she was suffering. My mother didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye that evening as she through her stuff out on the front lawn and pushed her out the door.  Alexis was screaming at her not to touch his mother and I was pulling on my mother to stop.

“Well, give my regards,” my father said, trying to fight the desperation on his face. He was a conservative man, dressed in a suit, even when he didn’t have to work for the day and always had problems expressing his emotions. But looking at him, as pulled together as he was on the outside, I could feel he was falling apart.  I almost felt sorry for my father. I knew that that affair he had with Alexis’s mother was more than just a tryst, he was truly in love with her. He once called her the great love of his life and to know, they’d been doing it since before I was born. I should have known by watching the way they avoided each other. And the rare moments when they looked at each other, how could you not see the love in their eyes? It was the way I often looked at Alexis but had to hide it. We’d fight, literally fist fight each other but I think that was our way of defusing our sexual tension. Had it not been for Carmella’s abusive husband, Alexis’s father, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she and my father would have run off together.

“So, what’s up?” I asked Alexis, changing the subject. “Were you just in the area or ...?”

“Actually,” he said, getting a little shy, “I was wondering if I could ask you all for a favor?”

“Of course,” my father answered, “What is it?”

“Well, things have been a little tight for us … economically and I’ve … been taking care of my mother and-” he started to say.

But my father interrupted him with a, “Say no more,” whipping out his money clip and shuffling through the hundreds.

“No,” he said backing away and stuffing his hands in his shorts pockets. “I don’t take hand outs. I actually came here to see if you might have any work for me.”

That kind of turned me on, besides getting excited about the possibility of him being around more often. The idea of a hard working man, who loved to work had always been a major turn on for me. It was a contrast to my dad who’d had everything handed to him, including the house we lived in, since he was a child. I’d gone the opposite route, spending years denouncing our wealth, pretending to be poor and broke just to fit in. I’d always admired men who provided for their families with their hands and I wondered if Alexis had a wife and family somewhere that he was providing for.

“Well, are you sure?” my father said, clearing his throat, his eyes diverting from Alexis as if he were getting a little nervous. My father just didn’t know how to solve problems without throwing money at them. “Cause it’s really no big deal.”

“No, please, sir,” Alexis said respectfully, he put his hands behind his back which only made his chest stick out. Goddamn, why did he have to do that, it was almost as if he were teasing me with his lickable chest, daring me not to mount him right then and there.

“Sir?” my father smirked, “You know better than that. You’re family. And of course, there’s always things around here that need to be fixed. I mean, our pool hasn’t been cleaned in God knows how long.”

“I’ll do it. I want nothing but a fair price. Please, just because we know each other, I don’t want you to pay me anymore than you would if you didn’t know me.” he said with all sincerity.

I had to smile. That was the Alexis I knew. Always a man with integrity and pride. It sunk in how much I missed having him around. I’d done whatever I could over the years to forget about him but whenever I thought that I had, he would come into my mind again.

“Alright,” my father said, shaking his hand, “Deal.”

Alexis turned to me, the light in his eyes was so warming and welcoming. We just stood there smiling at each other for awhile.

“You’ve grown up,” he said to me in his rich deep voice that reverberated down the long hall and soaked itself in my skin.

“As have you,” I answered, trying to keep my eyes from floating down to his crotch which for the two seconds that I failed, I noticed was quite large.

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone, I’ve got to finish something up,” my father said, nodding at  us both, “I trust you’ll show him around, Chad? Take him to the guest room?”

“No problem,” I answered as my father walked away. Hoping he’d leave sooner rather than later but nervous at the thought of it too.

Alexis whacked me on the shoulder, the feel of his rough touch again shot electricity through my body. God, it felt good to be around him again.  He walked slightly forward, having remembered the layout of the house. He was rambling on and on about something but I couldn’t help but get lost in something else, his shapely bubble butt.

CHAPTER TWO

“So, here’s your old room,” I told him as we walked into the bedroom which my father had turned into a second office that he hardly used. It had an old oak desk and envelopes and manilla folders stacked sky high. I opened the window a little to let the fresh air in and hoped it would sweep away some of the dust that filled the air. I wished I’d known he was coming or I’d had the new maid clean it out. I felt embarrassed that I couldn’t offer him something better and thought for a second of offering him my bedroom. But then again, maybe that would be too forward, too much, too soon.

I watched him checking the office out looking at all the old photos, there were watermarks and still nails hanging where photos of his mom and him once hung.

“We can take on of the desks out and bring in an air mattress for now until we get a real one,” I said, clearing out some of the space where I thought he could put a mattress.

“An air mattress is fine,” he said sitting down in a chair, parting his legs open slowly, “Whatever gets the job done.”

I could his bulge even more clearer, Goddamn it was big. His eyes floated to mine and there was an uncomfortable silence between us for a moment. It was obvious, there was still a strong connection between us and it hadn’t fizzled, nor was it just a childhood crush like I tried to poo-poo it to be, all these years.

“You look good,” he told me, leaning back and licking his lips.

“You too,” I answered, nervously dusting off imaginary lint of my pants.

“No,” he said, leaning forward this time, the chair creaking as he did, “I mean, you really look good.”

I blushed, I knew exactly what he meant but I pretended not to hear it though part of me wanted to jump his bones and ride him right then and there. I couldn’t breathe for a second. Was I imagining things? I tossed my head back to get the hair out of my face as I bit my lip and rocked back and forth slightly, not knowing what to say or how to respond.

“A lot has changed since we were kids,” he told me. “I’ve grown up a lot, matured. I know what I want, what I don’t and I know how to get it.”

There was an edge, almost an authoritative masculinity that turned me.

“Come here,” he told me, reaching out for me. His hand was much larger than I remembered, weathered but still handsome as if he worked with his hands now, like a real man should.

I stepped closer as he rose, his body so close, I could feel the heat emanating off of it and smell the sweet smell of Old Spice mixed with his musty manly smell that I remembered. He rested his strong hands on my shoulders and looked me deep into my eyes.

“I’ve missed you,” he said with a slight smile. I couldn’t look at his eyes, because if I looked at his eyes I knew I’d fall in love with him again and I didn’t want to do that. I couldn’t afford to misunderstand what he was saying to me, only to invest my heart and end up broken.

“Look at me,” he instructed, turning my face slightly so that I could see his and I was gone. His eyes were so beautiful, so sincere, they had a glimmer in those hazel eyes that I missed. “I said, ‘I missed you,’” he repeated.

“Me too,” I told him and I got an instant hard on. Fuck, I did everything I could to stop it from happening.  But my cock had a different idea.

“Truth is, my mom’s doing all right. Sure she was hurt badly by what happened but she’s a survivor. I didn’t come back here to make extra money.”

“You didn’t?” I asked in confusion, my voice went up an octave. “Then, why’d you come back?”

I asked this, though knowing the answer. I just needed to hear it.

“I came back so that I could see you again. So, I could be near you. I never forgot you, Chad.” he said and could feel his hardness pressing against mine. He rubbed my shoulders and arms, gripping them as if he wanted to show me he was in control now, that he was home and wouldn’t forget me this time.

He kissed me against my neck, his soft full lip sinking into the side of my neck, his mouth parting, hot wet tongue and teeth sinking into it. My knees buckled. I wanted to kiss him back, I did, more than anything but there was a part of me that held back. If I went all in, if I allowed myself to fall in love again, would he leave me, would he abandon me and hurt me like he did so many years ago?

“Shit,” I said. I wanted him to take me, right then. I could almost feel how great his hardness would fill me up, how his girth would stretch my cheeks apart and leave a mark that I’d feel for days.

“You smell good,” he said with a sexy smirk. He wasn’t afraid like I was, I could see that in his eyes. He was a mature man now, that felt comfortable in his skin and knew what he wanted and how to get it.

Please, don’t fall for him, I begged myself though my body and heart were singing a different tune.

“Thanks,” I said, wanting another kiss, but this time on my lips. I tried to keep it business, distance as much as I could, doing my best not to look at him because whenever I looked into those intense hazel eyes another brick from my wall of protection came loose.

“We’re going to have a good time, you and me,” he said and though I tried to kid myself into believing that he was talking about running through the forest playing cops and robbers, I knew his idea of a good time was the type that would keep me drenched in sweat and cum all night long.

“Like old times,” I smiled, nodding and staring at the floor.

“Oh, we’ll do a lot more than that,” he said with a mischievous look on his face. My imagination whirled thinking about all the possibilities. Being alone with him in his room, sneaking in the middle of the night. He was at an entirely different wing of the house from anyone else, so no one would hear us moaning or screaming as we made passionate love. I imagined sneaking away in the cloak of darkness, my heart pounding as I crept along the floor, dodging the floorboards that I knew creaked all to not wake my father or mother.

The mansion was huge after all and I’d scamper along to the other wing where I could fling myself in Alexis’ warm embrace and we could catch up on all the time we had lost.

I can’t think of how much fucking we’d missed along the way, how I’d craved the taste of his cock in my mouth, or the way he used to tease my balls and how he kissed me, slowly, deeply, wet, massaging my lips with his tongue and lips like he was eating his favorite dessert.  The sexual tension had always been there between us and even in the lost years I had often thought about Alexis, usually when I’d been lying in bed with my hand around my cock. As I looked at him now a grown many before my eyes, I thought about what those eyes would be like as they twisted in pleasure while he fucked me, my legs over my head as he pinned them down to plow deep into me, so deep as if to reach places no one else had been able to reach. I wanted to take his huge bulge and devour it, and fill up the empty mansion echoing with the our cries of pleasure.

There was only an instant that passed between us. I wasn’t such a fool as to stand there dumbfounded for too long, but in that moment there was a heat that boiled up inside me as if a volcano was erupting and I knew he could sense it too. I could no longer pretend the way he kissed me on my shoulder, or the way his lips felt on my skin didn’t affect me. My facade of indifference was quickly melting away.

The moment stretched out for what seemed like an eternity and in it, I thought about every position we could try, all the heat and sweat that we could descend into. I remember as kids when we’d run through the maze that was our home and I thought about doing that again now, but instead of merely running, we’d fuck anywhere and everywhere we could; in the various spare rooms, in the shower, fuck, we could even do it out in the garden under the twinkling stars on one of those balmy summer nights. I looked at him and I wanted him to stay forever and though my wall of protection was crumbling quickly, I feared deep down inside that his time with me would be limited.

I could feel a swelling deep down and my breathing was getting heavier, no matter how much I tried to fight it. There was lust in my eyes and desire in my heart. I wanted him so badly. I need to play with myself. It was taking all my strength not to start jerking off there right in front of him. He was looking so delicious standing in front of me, the man of my dreams, that I wanted to tear off his clothes as well, and finally get what we both had wanted, dreamed of and desired for so long. I bit my lip, maybe in anticipation, maybe in my attempt control myself from stripping naked or dropping to my knees so I could show him with my mouth, how grateful I was for his return.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, with a playful smile dancing across his face. He stepped forward so close that I could taste his sweet breath.

The sexuality I was exuding from thinking about it, must have turned Alexis on too because our lips were only inches from kissing. The heat of our bodies of the pent of sexual attraction wanting, needing to come out was overwhelming us both.

The truth was, I needed to feel him inside of me and I needed to be inside of him. My hand reached for his crotch, squeezing his hardness. Goddamn it was thick, much thicker than I’d remembered. He really had grown into a full grown man, all of him. But as we our lips were about to touch, the heat of his breath feathering against mine we heard Knock-knock-knock.

We parted just in time before my father popped his head in. His salt and pepper hair, or what was left of it, the last thing I wanted to see.

“There you guys are,” he said with a smile, totally clueless about what we were about to do. “Everything cool?”

“Yeah,” Alexis answered with a smile, “Everything is perfect.”

He handled it with ease, not like me, who wanted to scream at him for interrupting us. I stepped back even further, hoping my hands in front of my crotch would shield him from seeing the huge hard on I’d grown.

“Good,” my father said, but something seemed to be on his mind as he swished his mouth back and forth in thought. I wondered what it was. “Chad, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Of course,” I said, adjusting myself quickly so he couldn’t see my bonder.  I gave Alexis a quick shy smile and followed my dad outside. Dad closed the door as if whatever he wanted to say was private. I wondered what it was, guessing it had something to do with my mother. He must have told her that Alexis was here and she probably blew up about it. I sighed bracing myself for whatever he had to say.

“Son,” he said, “Let’s take a little walk.”

I looked at him strangely, “Sure, dad.”

It seemed like a good five or ten minutes before he said anything, long after we’d walked through the marble outdoor courtyard and traced along the olympic lagoon-style pool that Alexis and I used to skinny dip in years ago when we thought no one was looking.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” my dad said in a thinly masked attempt to hide whatever it was he really wanted to talk about.

“What is it, dad?” I asked stopping in my tracks, my hands resting on my hips. Whatever it was had better be important to have interrupted me from doing what I’d dreamed of for so many years.

He took a deep breath, staring into the pool shimmering from the afternoon light. “I should have told you this years ago…”

“What?” I said, my shoulders intuitively getting tight.

“You know what happened between Alexis and his mother and your mom -- you were young but-”

“I remember, dad,” I cut him off, hoping we could let bygones be bygones and move past that topic. I relaxed my shoulders a bit. If that was all he wanted to talk about then, I was done.

“Well, there was another reason why your mother was so upset. It’s not just that Alexis’s mother and I had our -- well, our affair -- it’s because Alexis is … he’s my son too.”

My jaw dropped. And suddenly, I couldn’t hear. It was as if someone had let out a shotgun inches from my ear and I’d gone deaf for a moment.

“What?” I said, not sure I heard it correctly, the words fumbling from my mouth.

“Alexis is your half-brother,” my dad clarified sternly, as if he were discussing a transaction. It was his self-defense mechanism, I knew but for me, it was the end of my world.

CHAPTER THREE

“What’d he want?” Alexis asked as I entered. He’d found an air mattress, it looked like, blown it up and put a sheet on it. My hand was still on the door knob and I wasn’t sure if I should let go. I needed something to anchor me, to let me know that what I’d just heard wasn’t some horrible nightmare or something I’d imagined.

“Oh, he …” I started to say but where do you begin? How do you tell the man you’ve been in love with all these years, the one you felt was your soulmate that you wanted to feel inside you that you just found out you were half-brothers? I didn’t know if I should be sick to my stomach or slightly turned on. I was confused, to say the least.

I must have looked light headed because his smile turned to a look of concern. His eyebrows arched the way I knew, on rare occasion, he’d have something serious to tell me. “You alright?” he asked me.

I sat down on the edge of the chair. It creaked and screeched as if screaming at me, scolding at me and saying, “I told you so. I told you not to fall for him.”

Alexis, got down on his knees so that we were eye level. His eyes were so sympathetic, so caring, so nurturing but so masculine, just like I’d always remembered. Why the hell did he have to look so good?  His lips were parted slightly and all I could think about was wanting to taste them. But couldn’t. Oh, I couldn’t.  It was wrong in so many ways. His hands slid down my thighs.

“You can tell me anything, you know?” he said and the feel of his rough hands sliding down my pants, turned me on so much but I had to fight this, I had to.

“Alexis,” I started, stopping his hands from making me feel so good. “Maybe it’s not such a good idea if we …”

He smiled slightly rising to pull me up and pin me down on the bed, his body on top of mine. I knew he should stop, that it would only make things worse as he climbed on top of me like a prowling tiger, but I didn’t have the emotional strength to stop him.

“If we what?” he asked me, his voice rumbling deep within me, that sexy mischievous smirk etched on his sexy lips.

My God, I could feel how hard he was against me, the thickness pressing against my leg, then my balls and all I wanted to do was shove my pants off and have him slide his cock up inside me. Oh, God please. I needed him but I couldn’t. I had to stop.

“No,” I said starting to get up, but he pushed me down again, kissing me so deeply, so passionately, it gave me chills.

“Why not?” he said, his hot breath feather against my lips and cheek.

“We can’t,” I said, pushing him off and pacing back and forth.

He sat up, then unzipped his pants, his thick dripping cock sprung out and Goddamn it looked so suckable. Why did have to look so irresistible to me? Why did that cock of his have to salute me, beckon me, dare me not to get down on my knees and worship it?

He flung it so it bounced back, “We can’t? But he wants to come out and play”.

And that was it -- it was like a homing device. I had to get down on my knees and suck its goodness. Telling him what I needed to tell him would have to wait.

How could I put aside a lifetime of desire? I had to cast aside what my father had said and focus on my duty. Alexis had a thick fucking cock that needed to be sucked, that needed to be drained of all it had to offer and it was my duty to do what God made my lips for.

His cock was so massive and dripping that I could see nothing else, I could think of nothing else but to open my mouth and let it slide right in my warm, wet mouth. I sank to my knees and wrapped my lips around his delicious cock. It was so big and wide that I had to stretch my lips to accommodate it all. I ran my hands along his thick muscular things as I sucked and I felt his strong hand coming down to guide my head. It held me there as I made love to his cock, and then went even deeper, going down to his dark valley where I buried myself in his sweaty, masculine scent and ate his ass.

I heard him moan and felt his whole body tremble with orgasmic energy. I could feel his cock throb and swell in my hand as it reacted to all the pleasure I was giving him.

All the years of loneliness, all the years of wanting and yearning were at an end. I was on my knees, pleasuring the man of my dreams, my soul mate…and wrong as it may be, my half-brother. But I couldn’t think of that, not now. I couldn’t risk anything disrupting the moment for I needed him and he needed me and whatever happened in the future I would have to deal with, but for now I had to focus on serving him, the best way I knew how and give in to the passion that was boiling between us.

“Oh yeah, I’ve wanted this for so long,” he said, “Baby, let me taste you. I want to make you feel good.”

The fact that he wasn’t just about himself, that he wanted to give me pleasure to, turn me on like I didn’t know what.  We switched positions and I watched as Alexis sank down and took all of me in his mouth in one swallow. I stroked his hair dark full damp hair, my fingers combing through its strands, gripping it, digging into his skull to keep from losing myself from the pleasure he was giving me as his head bobbed up and down.  I tossed my head back as I moaned his name.

“Alexis, oh fuck, Alexis. Jesus, man. Oh, baby,” I heard myself say. He lifted my legs over my head and his talented long tongue flickered and lapped over my pucker, dipping in and out nibbling at my rim and shaft. I could feel the bristles of his facial hair tinkling my balls. The man knew what he was doing. I didn’t know where he learned how to do all this stuff, but I was so glad he’d gotten his Master’s in love making.

The pleasure was overwhelming and at certain points, I felt as though my knees were going to buckle. I felt his finger slide underneath my balls between my thighs and then slip into my ass. He twirled around like he was a fucking magician and found my sweet spot so easily. He stimulated me like I have never been stimulated before and fuck, was it so hot. I felt the sweat drip down my body and I found myself pulling his head away, because as much as I loved him sucking my cock this wasn’t just about sex. I wanted to be near him, to show him how much he meant to me. I sank down and we were at the same level. I looked deep in his eyes and leaned forward, losing myself in his kiss. Our lips pressed together and our tongues playfully ventured into each other’s mouths as our hands wrapped around each other. Our bodies came together and warmth soaked our skin. Our cocks slapped together in a thunderclap, and we both smiled as we swayed our hips, letting our erect dicks slide and slap against each other, as if they were kissing too. They’d missed each other, our cocks and we were more than happy to give them a happy reunion.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” I confessed. “You have no idea how much I missed you. How much I …”

“Me too,” he chuckled, “I’ve spent so many nights jerking off to you.”

“Same,” I said, although that revelation turned me on so much. I loved being the object of his fantasies, especially because now I got to make them come true. I pulled away and we stroked each other’s hair, gazing upon each other’s beauty.

“I want to fuck you,” we said simultaneously, and then laughed. He bit his lip and then we kissed again while I lay down on my back. He took my legs and bent them back towards my head, sliding his dick into me and then he fucked me hard.

His body towered over mine and I watched as his face contorted with pleasure while he thrust his dick inside me. It was so wide and thick that it filled up my ass and stretched the rim, but it took every damned inch. My muscles strained as my legs were held down by his hands, which gripped the backs of my thighs tightly.

There was no doubt, not only was he good a foreplay but he knew how to fuck like a man. My own hands clenched the surrounding area as I searched for something to help me withstand the powerful sensations thundering through my body. My back slid against the surface as Alexis fucked me, his hips moving like pistons. I moaned and screamed his name while he did the same, albeit through rapid breaths.

“Your turn,” he said, as he took his cock out of me and pulled my legs back. He held my dick upright as he lowered himself onto me and then he rode me. My hands reached around his waist while his rested on my chest as I thrust my hips and he rocked back and forth, finding a rhythm that satisfied us both. He wasn’t a lazy bottom, either. No, he rocked his ass in rhythm too, working, earning that sweet cream I knew he desired and that I wanted to give to him.

My body crackled with heat and I could feel every inch of me from head to toe tingle with orgasmic energy. My skin flushed crimson as blood rushed to my dick and we both winced and writhed in sweet agony as I got harder and harder, fuelled by the frustration of the lost years and the fear that the future may never bring an opportunity like this.

“Cum, Chad. Please, I need your juice in me!” he yelled, feeling that I was going to cum soon, but if this was to be the only time we fucked I wanted to feel him release himself inside me.

We changed positions as he pulled my hips up and slid in my ass again, somehow it felt like it belonged there, as if when it wasn’t inside me I was missing something. He started to fuck me frantically, with bent knees. His upper body stood tall and my own cock bounced up and down as he rocked my body. Oh, fuck. It felt so good to watch his body tense while he fucked me. He was destroying my ass and when he shouted that he was getting close, “Shit, I’m going to cum.” he said, the sweat trailing down the sides of his face.

The sensation and visual sent me over the edge. I felt everything gushing through me and although I didn’t want it to end I smiled in anticipation of sweet delight because I knew it was going to be the best fucking orgasm I would ever have and it was. Oh, fuck, it was. His last mighty thrusts broke me and made the climax surge through my body.

My body convulsed as I came all over him and he in me. It was more than I hoped for, more than I dreamed of, we were drenched in sweat cum and passion, my legs over my head and him deep inside me.

“Jesus Christ,” I exclaimed, riddled with guilt but it felt so good. Shit, it felt good.

He groaned like a grizzly bear, kissing me deeply but softly brushing back my damp hair. “I love you, Chad. Always have, always will. I’m in love with you,” his eyes were so soft yet passionate. He meant it and the thing was, I felt the same way. What would we tell our parents? How long could we hide it? They were still hoping for grandkids from me and a church wedding.

My heart was pounding. This was wrong, I had to tell him. It was only fair.

“Alexis?” I said.

“Yes, my love,” he said looking at me with love eyes.

I sighed. “We’re brothers.”

There. I said it. Then, we could end this and just move on with our lives.

A small smile curved on his face. At first, I thought that he didn’t take it seriously that he thought I was joking.

“What?” I said, dropping my legs and sitting back up. “I’m serious. We’re literally brothers. My dad is your--”

He kissed me on the forehead, “I know.”

“You know?” I said.

“Yeah, my mother told me about five years ago.  At first, I was shocked. Shit, of course I was but then, I got over it. Love has no bounds and I tried to fight it for years, Chad. I did.  I tried to see other people, but my mind, my heart kept coming back to you. You’re the one, don’t you see? You’re my everything,” he told me.

I was stone-cold shocked. He knew and he didn’t mind? Maybe he was right. Maybe true love knew no bounds. Maybe that was what we had. Maybe we’d have to keep it secret, for now. But, I realized in that moment, what we had was something special, something sacred, something that was just between us.

“I love you, Chad,” he said, tracing his fingers along my lips and looking me deep in my eyes.

“And I love you,” I replied.

THE END

Enjoy an excerpt to another Jamie Lake romance read…

MARIO

-LETTERS FROM A GENTLEMAN SERIES - A 30 MINUTE READ -

by Jamie Lake

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CHAPTER 1

Her name was Maria.

At least, that’s what he called her, and ever since he’d been separated from her, deported from the United States back to his hometown in Mexico, he hadn’t put her out of his mind. Ten years—had it really been that long? Sometimes, it felt like no time had passed at all, as if it had been just yesterday that he was completely content. Happy. Other times, it felt like a lifetime had passed. A lifetime in which the universe was so big around him, he felt like he would drown in the emptiness. A lifetime in which he felt so cramped and stuck in the life that lay ahead of him that he couldn’t breathe. Heartbreak was claustrophobia. Heartbreak was being lost. Heartbreak was hell.

Mario slopped his mop in the pail of soapy water and splashed it on the hard faux-marble floor of the elementary school. The sharp smell of detergent pinched his nose. He stank of years of soap scum, disappointment and broken dreams. He wiped his brow with the back of his hand, the sweat under the fringe that flopped back over his eyes made him feel grimy. His shaggy, overgrown hair covered his eyes. Things were easier when eye contact couldn’t happen by accident. Not that many people were looking at him anyway: the kids usually ran down the hall around him, the teachers barely said “excuse me” when they accidentally bumped into him. To them, he was invisible, and, although it hurt sometimes, it was better that way. No conversation meant no connection, and no connection meant he could protect himself from feeling something. If he was lucky, he would never feel again.

It had been the 70s, a time when the disco beat became a national anthem, even in Mexico. A time when the world was still reeling from the Civil Rights Movement and drowning itself in recreational drugs, booze and music to numb the shock of change. And yet, there was no substance in the world that could keep him from thinking about her.  He could smell her scent, fresh as a morning after a summer storm. He could taste her lips, that sweet taste that had mixed with the salt of his own lips to create a new flavor all their own. He could see her hair, glowing in the golden sunlight of those warm summer months in the vineyard where he’d first met her. She had been his sunrise and his sunset. His beginning and his end. Her smile had promised that everything would be all right and anything was possible, as long as they had each other.

Now, he was alone.

All he had for company were the dried skeletons of memories long past, the echoes of her voice in the void she had left behind. Her last words to him had stabbed him in the heart over and over again since the day she said them. He had never felt pain like that, and he was sure if he felt it again, he'd die. So now, he tried to be numb. He forced himself to forget that he had ever known what it was to feel, to really be alive. He didn’t smile at people like he used to; he didn’t cry at movies anymore. Rare was a day that he let his temper flare even a bit. Numbness was his protective shield; he was sure that, if he opened himself up to feeling again, all the pain he had felt that day would come rushing back. He couldn’t survive that again. He’d barely survived the first time.

This was not where Mario had meant to be at this age. He was almost 34 years old – the prime of his life.  By this time, he hoped to be married, to have kids somehow, to have traveled the world with the one he loved— Maria. They used to spend nights dreaming of a future together: their house, the family they would do whatever they could to build. He imagined that he would come home to their simple but beautiful house after a long day’s work– real work, not cleaning up after careless, sloppy people who barely noticed his existence – and walk through the door to smell a delicious dinner on the stove. Maria would welcome him with a warm embrace, telling him how much she had missed him all day, and he would taste wine on her lips when he kissed her. They wouldn’t have needed to be rich. They would have had something better: love.

But that was a fantasy. He felt foolish even letting it slip into mind again. He forced it out as he dipped the mop in the pail and yanked the lever to strain it from the funk. If Maria saw him now, alone in a hallway mopping a filthy floor, she’d probably break down and cry. This was so far from the future they’d dreamed of. Then again, maybe she wouldn’t care. She’d made it pretty clear that she wanted nothing to do with him, that she was tired of waiting. Now, he was the one waiting for someone that would never come, and he had the rest of his life to do it.

The thought was exhausting. He leaned his mop against a locker and sank down onto the staircase. His legs and shoulders ached from working all evening, and it was long after hours, so he was sure no one would catch him resting. He still had a second job to go to before dawn. Earning minimum wage, he had to work two jobs to support himself and his dying mother. Thank God, his cousin was watching her now, so he could go to work and get a well-needed break from taking care of her. 

He pulled out a Ho-Ho cupcake from his left pocket. He’d bought it earlier from the vending machine, and it was smashed flat and warm from being in his pocket so long. He dipped his finger into the icing and stuck it in his mouth. The tart sweetness threatened to pull him back to another memory with Maria. Instead, stuffed the whole warm, sweet mess into his mouth at once. A small taste of heaven when everything else in his life seemed like hell.

“Happy birthday,” he said to himself.

He was alone on his birthday yet again, and just to add insult to injury, he dug his hand into his pants pocket and drew out an old, folded piece of paper. It was the letter he’d carried with him for the last ten years: Maria’s last letter to him. He traced the loop handwriting with his finger. His name was written the way she pronounced it, rolling and beautiful, like a work of art. Why did he do this to himself? Why relive that painful day again and again, day after day, year after year?

He couldn’t help himself. This letter was all he had left of her, painful as it was. He took a deep breath and opened it, his hands trembling as much as they had the day he’d first received it. But that day, the trembling had been from excitement, because he’d been so happy to hear from her. He hadn’t known the pain the letter would hold for him.

Dear Mario,

I can’t say I’m surprised, but I won’t lie. I am disappointed. You told me we’d be together by now, that somehow we’d make it happen. You said we’d run away together. That’s what you said, you promised.

I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I really am. But you cannot live her life for her. This isn’t about her. This is about us. You and me.

You promised.

And now you lied to me. I cannot tell you how much this hurts me to do this, but I’ve waited five years, and I just can’t wait anymore.

It’s clear that you don’t love me as much as I love you. I thought you did, but clearly I was mistaken.

Good luck, Mario. Thank you for the joy you brought in my life. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Goodbye,

Maria

As Mario read, a tear rolled down his cheek. His throat was so tight it was hard to breathe. It hurt him just as much as they day he’d first read it.  He knew he had hurt Maria, but what choice had he had? His mother needed him. He couldn’t have left her to suffer alone while he ran away with his love. Mario was his mother’s son, all she had. He knew that five years was a long time to wait, but he had imagined that Maria loved him enough to wait forever.

He had been wrong.

Wiping the tears from his cheek with the sleeve of his worn janitor’s uniform, Mario shook his head as if to clear the memories away.

You’re not supposed to feel anything, remember?

He stuffed the folded paper in his jacket pocket again. Misery would have to wait another day. He stood up. The last rays of sunlight slanting across the lockers had faded, and the hallway was dark. All the color had been sucked out of the world. Mario took up his mop again to finish cleaning so he could head home. He had to check on his mother again before starting the night shift at his next job or he’d never hear the end of it. And right now, that was the last thing he needed.

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