Chapter 5
Recovering Your Power
Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power.
Lao-Tzu
Waiting for the Prince on a White Horse
I have often heard people say, “It can only get better, can’t it?” but in my experience, it ain’t necessarily so. In the fairy-tale, the prince sweeps in on his white horse and carries the heroine off to happy ever after. That story is corrosive because it propagates the myth that the source of power is external to us. That a mysterious “something” will happen to change things for the better. That another person will come and do the work for us; that they will pick up the phone and have the difficult conversation that we are avoiding; that they will put pen to paper to apply for the new job, or write the letter of resignation to the job that is killing our soul. That another person will somehow reassure us that it will all work out. Alas, I have bad news. There is no knight on a white steed coming to make it all better. There is no happy ever after without daily work and commitment. There is no such external person or power. No-one is going to instigate the changes if we do not.
There is no real reassurance because we have to take a risk and just trust ourselves to find our way, come what may. The power is in us, plain and simple. We either take responsibility for our lives and everything in them or we crash around doing the headless chicken dance. It is not easy to take responsibility, but it gets easier the more you do it. A useful affirmation for recovering your power is:
I cope well now with all life brings to me.
Blame versus Responsibility
It’s not our genes but our beliefs that control our lives.
Bruce Lipton PhD, Cellular Biologist
When I hear someone blaming another person for something, I know that the one doing the blaming feels powerless. We give away our power when we place too much dependence on the external world or on other people. We also become powerless when we speak negatively of ourselves, whether internally or out loud.
If I say “He made me feel angry,” I am giving my power to the one who allegedly made me feel angry. In truth, no-one can make me feel anything I do not choose to feel. Regardless of the circumstances, I can take responsibility for how I feel, and by taking responsibility, I take back my power. Other people are going to do what they are going to do. We have no control over that. We only have full control over what we ourselves do and how we react.
Some people blame “The System.” The system is as it is. Undoubtedly there is unfairness. The system may change eventually – but our lives could be over before that happens, if it happens at all. There is no-one “out there” to blame. Some people devote their lives and even give their lives to change an unfair system. Martin Luther King was an example. He was a powerful agent of change. It is also useful to consider our expectations, because we are only disappointed when our expectations are unrealistic. As Lama Yeshe says, “If you expect your life to be up and down, your life will be much more peaceful.”
So there may be external obstacles, but we have full responsibility – and therefore power – over our reactions to those obstacles, people or stressors. The buck stops here. That is a powerful stance.
Epigenetics is part of what is termed “New Science,” which unites science and spirituality. It was thought for years that our genes determined large parts of our lives – our tendency towards a certain familial illness, for example. However research in cellular biology by Bruce Lipton 3 among others has shown that our beliefs switch on or off our genes. We can control what genes are operational by what we choose to believe. A belief is just an idea we think over and over until we start thinking that it is true. Then we start acting like it is true. Then it becomes true. The awareness of the effect of our thoughts/beliefs on our biochemistry should point to the obvious: control our thoughts, control our lives.
When we focus our attention on what we can do, be or have (as opposed to what we cannot do, be or have) we immediately start to regain our power. This includes taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions. When we take responsibility for everything in our lives, there is no one left to blame. It’s all up to us. Scary – but powerful!
Once we take responsibility for our lives, we start empowering ourselves. With our own power available to us, we can change our lives for the better. When we change our own lives, we unconsciously give permission to those connected to us to change theirs. Alternatively, our changes may make them uncomfortable and conflict or partings may ensue. We cannot afford to let our own fears or the fears of others hold us back from bringing our truth and light to the world. Life is too short.
Life Review
In order to let go of the past, we need to acknowledge what happened in the past that was difficult, painful or hurtful. Acknowledging the truth has value in itself. It frees up the huge amount of life energy tied up in denial. As we work on loving ourselves, we find ourselves drawn to what is true and authentic, like bees to nectar. Being true to ourselves gives us new self-respect and increases our vitality. We become stronger.
We can begin by acknowledging that our pain exists, and that it is real. We need to find a trusted person to whom we can Say the Words Out Loud: “This happened to me, I did this, or this was done to me.” I couldn’t tell you how many therapy clients have said to me, “I never told anyone about that before now.” As they leave, they tell me they are feeling lighter inside. It’s not that I am the right therapist for everyone, just that I am the right therapist for those who come to me. This is because I always set the intention that “only those clients who are enlightened by my work and energy come to me now.” They have sent out the cry for help to the Universe and they find their way to my door. We need to urgently address the pain in our lives so that we can begin to live more fully and bring more light, happiness, creativity, peace and joy into the world. That is important, because in changing ourselves, we literally change the world.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is releasing ourselves from the hurt of the past so that we may move on with our lives. Forgiveness is not condoning the wrong that was done. That wrong may have been done to you, by you or to yourself. It may have been intentional or unintentional. Often we create elaborate stories about how we were wronged. Holding on to these stories drains our Energy Battery and serves no soul purpose. We are all here to learn. We all make mistakes. And making mistakes is often how we learn.
Judging others and being unable to forgive them is understandable but unwise.
If you have been hurt by another, the person who hurt you may not know or care that they hurt you. It is extremely likely that they are not carrying guilt over the event. It is just you that is holding on to it, carrying that heavy burden and holding yourself back. You are the one who is hurting, not them. In energetic terms, any unforgiven issues sit in your energy field and act as a magnet for more of the same. Forgiveness cleanses and heals your aura. It is about letting go so that we may be free.
There are many ways to begin the work of forgiving. One way is to make a list of those people who hurt you in the past. Visualise each one and say to them: I forgive you. Then work on the list of people you may have hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, in the past. From your heart, ask their forgiveness. Where possible, make reparation. Then let go. Then turn your attention to yourself. Think of the ways in which you have harmed yourself, your body, your spirit. Think of the pollutants or the negative mind-set. Ask forgiveness from your own self. Allow it to happen. When you are finished, safely burn the lists and let it all go. The ritual of burning is a symbolic act of release. It allows you to travel more lightly.
Exercise: Forgiveness
This exercise can be used to forgive others, but if there has been major trauma, or if there is a person you can’t forgive, then it may be wise to seek external help from a therapist or counsellor to help you process the healing safely.
Turn the phone off and make yourself comfortable. Take a deep breath in and as you breathe out, relax and let go. Allow yourself to continue breathing in and out until you become quiet inside. Imagine you are in a room sitting at a plain table. There is a protective screen in front of you. You can see the person you want to forgive is sitting at the other side of the table, but you realise that you are completely safe. Look them in the eye and speak from the heart to them. You can do this silently. Say what needs to be said to unburden your heart. Then imagine that you become the other person and sit at the other side of the table. You are now looking at yourself through their eyes. If they have something to say, say it now. Then become yourself again. Repeat the process until everything is said. Then imagine you both stand up. Imagine there are dark energy cords connecting you to this person. Visualise the Archangel Michael cutting all those cords with his sword of blue light. The cords are taken up into the Violet Flame for instant transformation and release. You move the other person to a distance that is safe and healthy for you. Take as much time as you need to process the healing that has taken place, and in your own time, open your eyes and come back to full awareness, feeling lighter inside.