Chapter 7
Light hearted and Light footed
The Power of Humour and Play
“Can you remember any of your past lives?”
“At my age I have a problem remembering what happened yesterday.”
Interviewer and the 14 th Dalai Lama
Another way of beginning to heal ourselves is through play. Many of us adults had a “rocky ride” through childhood and as a result, missed out on playing. We were too busy working, or caretaking, or trying to survive, to simply play. We were too worried or stressed or too hungry to just play. So it can be healing, as an adult, to begin simple activities that invite our inner child to relax and open up to a new way of being in the world. The ego ignores play because it is “only play.” But play can be a powerful healing force. It is always extremely relaxing to do an activity where we lose track of time, and any right-brain activity will do that for us. In losing track of time, we begin to regain lost parts of ourselves. Any pleasurable, creative activity that we enjoy is innately healing. Whether it is painting, drawing, knitting or making candles, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that firstly, we are willing to give ourselves time to do it and secondly, that we give ourselves permission. This permission may not have been granted to us as children but as adults we can claim back our power. No-one will hand us this time unless we claim it as our own. By taking such time to play we are giving our subconscious minds the message that we are safe now, and that we value ourselves enough to meet our own needs.
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
Oscar Wilde
Taking ourselves too seriously means we have lost perspective. Think of great leaders like the fourteenth Dalai Lama who is always smiling. He has plenty to despair about, given the state of his native Tibet, and yet his hallmark approach is humour, kindness and lightness. Mandela was known for his willingness to dance well into his old age, despite twenty seven years in prison and the challenges of his emerging South African nation. Archbishop Desmond Tutu is a man with a lot to say, but also with a huge and ready smile.
Our pets are a great help to keep us grounded and lighten our hearts for us on bad days. As I write this at the kitchen table, Felicity Sophia, my youngest cat, interrupts me by walking over the jotter, leaping into the middle of a plant and sticking her paws into the small fountain on the table. She wants to play and she is right. Play is the work of the soul.
We are never too old to play or tell good stories to lighten the load. My writing buddy who is in her seventies told me a story about her sister when they were young. Their older brother pushed the sister into a bunch of nettles. Unwilling to let him have the upper hand, her sister shouted “I was jumping into them anyway!” Now that’s the spirit!
Healing Through Dance and Movement
The therapeutic value of dance is well established as a means of raising the spirit and therefore healing the spirit too. The combination of music, movement and social interaction is healing for us at all levels. A fascinating means of reuniting us with our lost selves is Biodanza. It was created by Rolando Toro, a Chilean psychiatrist and anthropologist. Finding the psychiatric model inadequate, he started experimenting by having music for patients in his sitting room. Biodanza has become a worldwide therapeutic force from those humble beginnings. It is healing, transformative, gentle, kind and fun. It is creative dance to mostly Latin music. Through dance and movement we begin to explore our physical bodies and how they express our communication with self and others. It allows us to non-verbally embody our intent. Because of this, we bypass the internal censor and make progress. We bypass our own resistance, and get out of our own way. It is similar to the Jungian concept of taking a symbol from a dream and putting a representation of it into our physical environment, to anchor the meaning of that symbol in our reality and in doing so, bring what it represents into being. It is alchemy at its best. For me, Biodanza has been a revelation. The words and themes used resonate with me: tenderness, potential, flying, integration, determination, love for self, love for humanity, compassion. When I started doing Biodanza, I was shocked to discover how difficult it was for me to look another person directly in the eyes. This was a reflection of my low self-esteem at the time. I learned how to reconnect with my body, and in doing so, knit my mind and spirit back into the garment of myself. Biodanza allows us to express our need to interact as social beings in a respectful and kind way, learning to make eye contact if we have been cast down, learning how to respectfully hold the hand of another. We need integration with ourselves but we also need interaction with others.
Seven months of Biodanza later, I had made major life changes and I felt much better about myself. The theme of this class was “Liberating the Inner Child.” In one exercise, we formed groups to pretend to collect food and bring it to a central point in the room. Then we “lit a fire” and “went to sleep” as a group around it, having gentle physical contact with each other as we lay there. Lying in the communal space touched a place of great loss inside me. It was grief for the absence of the simple pleasures of play and safe rest. It was grief for the absence of belonging.
I realised that this loss was not about remembering childhood games nostalgically but instead becoming aware of what I never had. The experience explained to me instantly and non-verbally what psychological theories had not: that even though there had been huge gaps in my experience as a child, as an adult it is possible to fill in those gaps, to reconnect, to learn how to play, how to be with others in a safe way. It brought the theory down from the head into the body and I understood at last that I was truly not alone.
We need to be physically touched in a kind way. It has been well documented that children who lack physical contact grow into emotionally crippled adults even when their basic needs have been met. Of course the ultimate quest is for us to have our own loving partner, with whom we share a bond of trust, affection and positive physical contact. But many people don’t have that; how then are their needs for physical affection met? Even a hug from a friend will do – research has shown that twelve hugs a day lower the blood pressure! Companion animals can also have a vital role in keeping us healthy and sane. A London hospital found that children who had been abused could not be emotionally reached by staff – but could connect emotionally with small animals, such as rabbits. That was their way back to the fold. In meeting our own needs, we are better able to then reach out and help others.
Dancing, with the combination of social interaction and music, (I’m not talking about techno beat in a nightclub here!) has proven to be beneficial on a physical and psychological level. Moderate exercise is defined as one hour three days per week. Dr Daniel Siegel regularly prescribes aerobic exercise four to five times per week to reduce depression. He actually writes it on his prescription pad and hands it to his patients. Nelson Mandela was a great man for dancing, or as the saying goes, for “Shaking the Wicked Hoof!” So let your spirit sing through your body and play with the moon.
Drumming and Resonance
When I attended my first drumming circle, I had no idea what to expect. The teacher taught three different rhythms and then split us into three groups. While one group practised at first, the other groups waited in silence. I was amazed to find that when another section of the group was drumming, there was an actual answering vibration or resonance in my drum even as it sat between my knees, with my hands still. It is one thing to talk about resonance and a completely different thing to experience it physically. In the centre of the room, a circular tray of candles had been set up to provide a focal point. When the three section rhythm was established, the lights went down and there we were, the tribe drumming around the fire.
I noticed that if I missed a beat, it went unnoticed in the group. I could wait and join in again when I got the rhythm back. The music was literally entrancing, and because of that, even though it was noisy, it was extremely relaxing. People left one rhythm section and took a rest in the centre of the circle, or joined another section. It was all very fluid and easy, like one large body functioning as a whole. It was restorative, connecting, healing. At the end, we observed a moment of silence to allow the sound to be absorbed. The silence was deafening after the noise of thirty five drums going for two hours. The teacher sounded a singing bowl once. It was the perfect balance. We all stood and gathered around the “fire”, scooped healing energy up from the ground and sent it to each other and the Universe. What a healing experience to have the combination of connection with people, music making (even for the tone-deaf like me!), sound healing through vibration, and fun! Wonderful.
Your challenge: Allow yourself to focus on what makes you laugh. It might be a good friend that you need to meet for a coffee and chat or a night out dancing. It might be going to a comedy show with a friend. How can you bring more laughter and lightness into your life? Is there a habit of seriousness in your life that you need to let go of? Are you in danger of taking yourself too seriously? What physical movement or dance will you do to lighten up? When you find something that works for you and is pleasurable, keep it up. And enjoy!