Chapter 4
Nourishment
Mantra: I now claim the right conditions for my mind, body, soul, heart and spirit to flourish.
Marese Hickey
We are shaped by who we love and by our passions, the ones we pursue and the ones we deny. We have to find out what we need to nourish us, and meet that need.
Physical Nourishment
How can we be kind to our bodies now? What must we stop doing that is detrimental? What enjoyable exercise will support our physical health? What food and drink suits us best? What no longer agrees with us? Are we breathing in an optimum way? Most of us breathe in a shallow way using only the top one third of our lungs. Deep abdominal breathing triggers the relaxation response, calms us down and grounds us.
If I have a top model car which runs on unleaded petrol, I do not put diesel in it and expect it to work. And yet the highly processed foods we eat and drink are full of sugar, fat and additives which are exactly like diesel to our bodies. Sugar is especially toxic and it is only when you try to give it up you realise it is in 99% of all food products. I had occasion to go off added sugar for six weeks and I could not believe the difference in my mental clarity as a result. As the neuroscientist Candace Pert writes, “Relying on an artificial form of glucose – sugar – to give us a quick pick me up is analogous to, if not as dangerous as, shooting heroin.” 2
Honouring Our Bodies
Having good health is like having a beautiful flower in a pot. When it is in great condition, it gives us pleasure. But it needs nutrients to survive: water, good soil, sunshine, shelter from the wind. Sometimes we see a pot plant with drooping leaves and think, “I’ll water that tomorrow when I have time.” Then we get caught up in busyness. One day we look and it is dead. Beyond repair.
In a similar way, we ignore our own drooping vitality as our bodies try to signal to us that there is something wrong, something vital missing. Pain, physical or emotional, is always a signal that there is something amiss. What is missing is the acknowledgement that we, too, have needs that are important. The body never lies. Consistent low energy or persistent physical symptoms can, of course, be an indication of physical illness. There may be times we catch a bug and our intestines revolt; but the difference is that bodily messages recur time and time again until we heal the cause. If we go to the doctor and the pills or potions don’t work, then it may be time to delve deeper. What are we trying to suppress? What is missing? What do we need to let go of? What is killing us slowly?
There are often ads for painkillers on television. The man is rowing a boat or doing a triathlon when he gets a pain. He takes the painkiller and hey presto! Pain gone, he is able to continue on. What is being ignored is that pain is a signal from the body to the mind. The message is: STOP. Stop, or you will do further damage. STOP. You need to rest. If we are wise, we honour these signals. We listen and act accordingly. We remember that if we need antibiotics, we need bed rest to allow them to work properly. We respect the body-mind intelligence that knows more than we do. When our bodies are reassured that their messages are being heard, they become more cooperative and they heal faster.
When we start loving ourselves, it is as if we have to uncover layer after layer of unconscious unkindness or neglect of ourselves, including our bodies, and then make reparation. What is your body saying to you? Could you allow yourself more rest, fun, exercise or water if you needed it? If not, what would have to change in order for this to happen?
Body Signals and Feedback
Your body is the junction between the visible and invisible worlds.
Deepak Chopra
It is now understood that the body and mind are intimately connected. There is a saying in therapy: the issues are in the tissues. The embodiment of pleasure is health and ease, and of pain is dis-ease. The body always tells the truth. When we become aware of its messages, it can serve as an indicator of how things really are with us at this time.
Our bodies will tell us when we are trying to hide from ourselves. They will tell us through recurrent sore throats that we need to speak out. Through recurrent chest infections that there is something that we are trying to suppress, something we need to “get off our chest.” Through back pain, that we feel unsupported. Through neck pain, that someone or something is giving us a “pain in the neck.” Through shoulder trouble, that we are carrying too many burdens. Through difficulties on the left side of our bodies, that we may need to “be” more. Through difficulties on the right side of our bodies that we may be “doing” too much. We may need to do more or do less. We may need to just be, and stop doing at all for a while. Through tension in the stomach, our bodies tell us that we are anxious. Through IBS and similar, that the anxiety or stress is literally “giving us the runs.” Through insomnia, that we have a wellspring of anxiety that emerges in the night hours and there may be something that we have to “wake up to.” Any long term psychological condition that we fail to face will emerge through the body. It comes down through the auric or energy field and creates symptoms in the body.
Persistent feelings are a message from the body-mind as to the direction we need to go. For example, I once worked part-time in a company. After a couple of years I found I was coming home on those company work days and sleeping after dinner. Then going to bed and sleeping for eight or nine hours. Eventually I realised that working in that company was draining me, which was why I needed so much sleep. I refocused on my own work, left the company and my normal high energy returned. So the body-mind will always tell us the truth – if only we will listen. Once we hear the message, we then need to take action to change things for the better. If we do not listen, the body-mind will continue to up the ante until we are forced to listen. So it is better to act sooner rather than be forced to contend with a heart attack or stroke which our body produces to get our attention.
Emotional Nourishment
The word emotion comes from “emovere,” meaning to “pass through or out.” It is useful to aim to be guided by feelings but not controlled by them, because – if we allow it to happen – they will pass. They come and then they go.
We need to listen to and acknowledge our emotions. As we do this, we become more aware of what we are feeling when we are feeling it. This increases our self-awareness and moves us towards peace of mind. Nothing compensates for lack of peace of mind. No shopping trip, no shoes, no jewellery, and no car will do it. Peace of mind, being content with who we are and our current lives – the need for this simply will not go away. Quite often there is something difficult we need to do to regain our peace of mind: it may be a conversation, a confrontation, a major change, or an exhumation of buried trauma that needs healing.
There is a balance to be struck, however, between experiencing feelings and being active. Some people have a tendency to pay a lot of attention to their negative feelings, getting stuck in a downward spiral of negativity, staying in bed and ruminating over how bad they feel. Socrates said that the unexamined life isn’t worth living. He might well have added: The over-examined life isn’t worth living either!
Many people deny disturbing feelings and try to ignore them or stuff them down. The problem is that they might go out of sight, but they don’t go away. By denying or repressing feelings we lose our passion for life. Once we give them space to be, they lose their power to disturb us.
By doing quality control on our own feelings, we are improving the world for others too. This is because feelings are contagious. Feelings are energy and energy is contagious. If you think about a person who is light-hearted and laughing and the way you feel cheerful when you are with them, you will recognise this as being true. Similarly, you will probably remember someone who was like a wet blanket, dampening high spirits and making everyone more serious. Or sometimes, if a friend has unloaded all their problems onto you, they go off feeling great and you feel “unaccountably” tired or headachy. Incidentally, there is a value in listening to someone’s troubles – up to a point. If they come back to you a week later with the same tale of woe, however, they are likely to be just venting and may be unwilling to change. Sometimes endlessly listening to the same story is facilitating others to remain stuck. It can be useful to gently ask: ‘So what are you going to do about this?’ And just be quiet, and see what happens.
Exercise: Letting Go of Everyday Upsetting Emotions
Here is a technique for letting go of everyday upsetting emotions such as guilt, shame or anger. (Remember that if there is trauma involved, it is best to go to a trained therapist for help.) The next time you feel any of these emotions, try the following approach:
- Take a deep, full breath and let it out slowly. (We often stop breathing when we feel an emotion strongly.)
- Close your eyes.
- Find out where in your body you are feeling the emotion. Do an internal scan, looking for tension or tightness in the head, throat, chest, abdomen, shoulders or back. These are the usual areas where strong emotions are stored.
- Use one word to name what you are feeling, e.g. I feel it in my chest, and it is guilt.
- On a scale of one to ten, where one is feeling okay and ten is an intense level of guilt, allow a number to arise. E.g. seven.
- Do not judge your feeling. Simply allow yourself to feel it fully, exactly as it is.
- Keep breathing in and out as you focus on the feeling.
- It will start to lessen. Stay with it until it is down to level zero or one and notice how your chest feels now.
- Now get up and move around, and do something that needs to be done. Also drink plenty of water as releasing stuck feelings is a little like doing a body detox.
To summarise, check in with your body; name what you are feeling; allow it space without judgement, and it will be released. If there is an action your emotions are guiding you towards, take that action. Repeat this process at least once a day to release stressful or negative feelings and your life energy will increase exponentially.
Here’s what you will probably notice: The minute you allow yourself to feel an emotion fully, it goes away. You can use this technique any time you feel a difficult emotion. Many of our difficulties arise because we instinctively fear the pain of feeling uncomfortable feelings. But once they are allowed to be felt, they disappear like water flowing into sand.
Spiritual Nourishment
The things of the spirit require careful nurture and slow growth.
Silver Birch
Presence of the Sacred
Where in our lives is there space for sacred presence? Rushing around like lunatics, quite often our aspiration is to get through the week or even the day in one piece. We need to set time aside to slow down and sit. To realise that we are human beings, not human doings. There is a Gary Larson cartoon, of a cow guru in a Buddhist saffron robe. Another cow disciple sits at her feet. The guru instructs the disciple: “And remember to slow down and eat the roses on the way!” Whether we choose to smell the roses or eat them, we need to make time to at least notice them. We need stillness and quietness. Only in stillness can we begin to appreciate the beauty of our inner and outer worlds. When I say the word ‘sacred,’ I am talking about our own personal connection with our Creator, however we might perceive that. For me, sacred space can be a grove of spruce trees in the local park or it can be an internal, portable experience. I always intentionally set up sacred space in my therapy room before a healing session with a human or animal client. Included in my definition of sacred space are the occasions when we do our soul work. For example, each week I volunteer as an animal healer in Dog’s Aid rescue centre. When I am with the animals, just me and them, offering them healing or playing with them, time disappears. I emerge from those hours recharged. The practice benefits me at least as much as them! I am completely relaxed and present in the moment with them. To me, that is also the presence of the sacred, the allowing of my true inner self to come forward.
What defines your sacred space? Create for yourself a mini altar to anchor your intention to love yourself, and each time you see it your subconscious mind will be inspired to magnetise what your soul needs for your journey at this time.
In order to grow spiritually, we need time for self-reflection, calmness, stillness and the space to expand. We need to claim this for ourselves despite the clamour for attention of family, friends, phones and the myriad other distractions. We also need to play.
Becoming aware of our own needs is the next step. If an angel were to appear beside you now and offer you whatever you want, what would you ask for – for yourself? (Not for someone else in your life.) Is it a walk, a trip to the library, a coffee with your best friend? Listen and then act on what emerges. These things are not a waste of time. They are nurturing for the spirit and soul. We need to feed our spirit to inspire our soul to emerge. Our true selves are in there, waiting patiently for us to open the door and let them out.
Good Questions
- What is the highest vision you can have for yourself?
- What do you want written as your obituary when you pass into spirit?
- How can you be kind to yourself today?
- How can you be kind to other humans today?
- How can you be kind to animals or the environment today?
- What action could you take that is in alignment with your deepest values?
- Could you start using only cosmetics that are not tested on animals?
- Could you cycle or walk instead of using the car, thereby reducing pollution?
For some, prayer, meditation or mindfulness is the daily balm for the soul that fertilises growth. For others, it is a walk by the sea or in the woods. All that matters is that we are aware of this aspect of ourselves and regularly find a way to honour it in a way that works for us.
It takes constant awareness to keep growing but once you start, there is no turning back. As Hakim Sanai says, “When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.”
Mental Nourishment: Words that Shape Your Life
Life consists not only of the things we do but of the things we say and the things we think.
Silver Birch
We have no problem believing the World Wide Web connects us all via the Internet even though we can’t see it. Our human energy connections are just as real even though they, too, are invisible. Energy follows thought. An important part of learning to love ourselves depends on becoming more aware of our thoughts. That includes the thoughts we have about ourselves, and about others. Our thoughts create our reality, and can have a physiological effect on others besides ourselves.
Controlling the Subconscious Powerhouse
Positive thoughts have a profound effect on behaviour and genes but only when they are in harmony with subconscious programming.
Bruce Lipton, Cellular Biologist
All change starts at a subconscious level. Ninety five percent of our behaviour is controlled by our subconscious minds running on automatic programs that were taken on board before we were seven years old. That includes the experience of the foetus in the womb during gestation as it was flooded with the same hormones as the mother – for good or bad. From two to six years of age, the brain waves operate mostly at the theta wave level of 4-8 Hz which is the suggestible state used in hypnosis. When there is a conflict between the conscious mind (willpower) and the subconscious mind (imagination), the subconscious mind will always win out. Whatever is happening or not happening in our lives is due to our subconscious beliefs. That is why it is vital to make sure that our conscious intentions and our subconscious programs are in sync. When they are, we are powerful agents of change.
The subconscious mind is extremely powerful – and it is also like a five year old child. It is much better for us to be in charge of it, rather than having it running the show. Otherwise, it is like being in the supermarket with a five year old child and allowing the child to throw whatever it likes into the trolley. We would end up with a lot of unwanted goods and little or nothing to eat for the next week!
The language that the subconscious mind understands is imagination, colour, images, music and symbolism. That is why there are visualisation exercises and symbolic rituals included in this book, because they speak directly to the subconscious mind and therefore accelerate the pace of positive change.
The subconscious mind also has no filter and no sense of humour. Whatever we repeat to ourselves regularly is accepted by it without question, good or bad. It takes us literally and does not understand the words “no” or “don’t.” So if you constantly say to yourself, “I don’t want to be alone,” what it hears is: “I want to be alone.” And because it is so powerful, it manifests aloneness. In contrast, “I am lovingly connected,” is a positively framed command or affirmation understood by the subconscious mind. When such a command is frequently repeated, the subconscious mind understands this to be your desire and manifests it. This command must, of course, be allied to taking action to connect you with others such as interaction through work or play. So we must be very careful what we are thinking and how we are phrasing our thoughts.
An example of this happened to me years ago, long before I knew about how the mind works. I had left school and was adrift in unemployment. I reviewed the available training options at the time and I remember thinking, “Whatever I do, I don’t want to be a nurse.” I repeated this frequently. I inadvertently focused on what I did NOT want. And guess what I became? That’s right, a nurse!
The trick is to focus on what you DO want, not on what you don’t want. This is where affirmations are very useful. Affirmations are like having a healthy dinner in the freezer so that when you come home from work, tired and hungry, you have something nourishing to eat that is already prepared. Otherwise you may end up eating junk. Most of the thoughts we think are junk, unless we consciously direct the mind in a positive way. It is vital to repeat affirmations to ourselves when we are feeling good – if we wait until things go wrong, the mind will revert to its default negatives. Affirmations are powerful, positive statements that can replace the negativity in your mind when repeated regularly. “I am becoming more kind to myself every day now,” or “I am open now to my highest good” or “I now choose to be calm and peaceful,” are examples. It is even better to create your own affirmations that suit your situation best.
The words we use to ourselves in our inner thoughts shape our reality. So what words nourish our wellbeing? What words and thoughts bring us down? If we focus on only negative thoughts, we create negativity and stress in our lives. If we practise focusing on gratitude, appreciation and positive thoughts, we create positive opportunities and relationships.
Becoming aware of our negative thoughts towards ourselves is the first step in letting them go. So when I make a mistake, I have learned to say to myself, “Well, it’s irritating, but not life threatening.” Over time, with this practice, we lay down new neural pathways and we become kinder to ourselves. Humour returns to us when difficulties arise. Perspective helps: a good question to ask is – how important will this be in one year’s time?
Years ago, there was a saying about computers: Garbage in, garbage out. It is wise to become more discerning about what we allow into our mental space. Think about what is on the news. It’s all negative, fear-based bad news which brings your energy down. That’s why a “news fast” is a good idea. It’s like a brain detox. Give yourself permission to stop listening to the news and reading newspapers for a month or permanently.
The feelings we feel are created and fed by the thoughts we think. Energy follows thought. And whatever we focus our attention on grows. When you focus your attention, it causes a mental state to occur. When this state is repeatedly created, it causes a trait to emerge and it literally changes the brain by causing increased myelin sheath and synaptic growth. How amazing is that! But notice the word repeatedly. It takes a minimum of sixteen to thirty consecutive days of repeating a new behaviour in order to embed it as an ongoing habit in our lives. Reprogramming the subconscious mind can be done through hypnosis, mindfulness (which makes us more conscious of our thoughts and therefore more able to change them), repetition leading to new habits, and energy psychology techniques such as the Emotional Freedom Technique (also known as EFT or tapping.) See the Resources section for more information on EFT.
Good Questions
What thoughts support me on my journey now?
Which ones are spam/junk?
What are the highest and best thoughts I can think about myself and others?
Visualisation: Discovering the Treasure Within
As you go deeper inside, you approach a sacred place where there is a treasure. That treasure is your true self. Your true self is peaceful and harmonious. Your true self has a treasure trove of resources. These include your ability to see, hear, touch, taste, smell, feel, think, move, speak and choose - the ability to accept all parts of yourself, to respect and appreciate all your good parts, and to lovingly change what you wish to change. Realise how rich in resources you already are. These inner resources have already helped you through hard times in the past. In your deep sacred space, you understand at a deep level that you are much more than any hurt or trauma of the past. You understand that you are much more than your fears or your story. You are whole, exactly as you are right now. You are enough, exactly as you are right now. You are powerful because you are capable of change. You are powerful because you receive healing energy from the centre of the earth which grounds you and helps you manifest what you want and need. You are powerful because you receive healing energy from the heavens, which inspires you creatively and intuitively. You are powerful because whatever happens, you know your true self can handle it. Remind yourself that you are free to choose what fits you best now. You are free to clearly say “yes” to what fits you and “no” to what does not. You find it easy to incorporate more and more of your rich inner resources in your daily life from this moment onwards, as you slowly and gently return to the everyday world.
(Please note that this visualisation and all the subsequent meditations are available for download. See the Resources page for details.)