Mary, Mary

                           By Ed &Carol Nelson

This is dedicated to the little girl on the book cover.

Also, the BHS and St. Joseph classes of 1962 just because.

“That is exactly how it happened, give or take a lie or two.”

James Garner as Wyatt Earp describing the gun fight at the OK Corral in the movie Sunset.

Copyright September 2019 by E. E. & C. F. Nelson

ISBN 978-1-73119-8-5

Eastern Shore Publishing

7545 Lovey Lane

Parsonsburg, MD 21849

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage retrieval systems without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. 

Chapter: 1 Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

Ricky had given me a box of business cards. They had my name and our home telephone number. When he asked me what title I would have on my card I didn’t know. He made one up, ‘Mary, Mary Jackson quite contrary.’ It was okay but I think my next one will say, ‘Princess Mary.’

When I showed it to my friend Patti at school she wanted one too. Her title would be, ‘Pretty Woman.’ Davie’s would be, ‘President of the World.’ I told him if he was going to be my boyfriend he would have to be, ‘Prince Davie.’ He told me he didn’t like girls yet but would become a Prince when he did.”

At school when I showed kids my new business card they started chanting Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow? They weren’t very nice about it as they ended it with, “it’s full of weeds.”

It made me so mad I cried at recess. Billy and some other boys stood in a circle around me. They kept asking me if my weeds were ready yet, or had they died. One boy asked if I had a brown thumb. I had to stand in the corner for saying one of those words that Mum used.

The next day they did it again. The four of them surrounded me and chanted Brown Thumb, Brown Thumb, Mary has a Brown Thumb.  A teacher saw us and started towards us but someone fell off a swing and was crying so the teacher went to the crying girl. The boys wouldn’t stop so I got mad and punched Billy in the nose. It bled a lot and I got into more trouble.

I had to take a note home. My driver Jim told me that he was proud of me giving Billy a bloody nose. Billy wouldn’t be so quick to tease me in the future.

I think he is right but I’m still in trouble, maybe I should cry when I show Mum the note.

When I got home Mum took one look at me and wanted to know what was wrong. I told her about the boys saying I was contrary and that my garden would only grow weeds and called me Brown Thumb. Then Billy and the others stood in a circle and wouldn’t let me go so I punched him in the nose.

Mum wanted to know if it bled a lot. I told her the school had to give him another tee shirt as the one he wore was a mess. She then had me show her how I held my fist when I hit him.

I held my hand up with my thumb inside. She told me this was not the way to do it, I should always keep my thumb outside or I might break it. Also, it was better to hit with the heel of the hand than the fist. Less chance of getting hurt, and you could hit harder.

Then she told me that I was never to start a fight at school but I should always finish it. I asked how to do that.

“Always be the last one standing. Now the school wants me to tell you what you did was wrong. They want me to say don’t fight. What you really did wrong was put your thumb inside your fist, you might have hurt yourself.”

She took out a roll of quarters from her purse.

“If you have time, hold these while you hit someone.”

She showed me how to hold them. Also, I had to aim for the back of their head when I punched their nose. That way I would hit harder. I was to carry a roll of them in my purse. I told Mum my purse wasn’t big enough. She told me she would buy me a new one. Now I know why Mum always has a big purse.

She needed a lot of room for her quarters and weapon. I asked if mine would be big enough to carry a pistol. She told me not until I was older. I think she means around eleven or so.

My Mum knows so much. Billy better not try anything now.

After that Mum hugged me and told me enough. She was proud of me. The best way to win a fight was not to have to fight at all. Billy and his friends only used words. Words hurt your feelings, fists your body. My punishment for hitting Billy would be to come up with a way to stop his teasing without hitting him.

When she told me that I felt bad that I had hit him, I started to cry and Mummy hugged me real tight.

She also told me she would give some thought on how to make things better at school.

That was on Friday, Saturday I was going to a photo-shoot.

I’m so excited to get up this morning. I got dressed as fast as I could. Mrs. Hernandez made me go back to my room and change. I don’t know why socks have to match.

Mr. Baxter said I have to have my picture taken, “a real photo-shoot for a toothpaste commercial. I get to talk with Bucky Beaver about brushing your teeth with Ipana.

Mum had a charity meeting to go to and Mrs. Hernandez was busy, Dad has to work so he talked Ricky into taking me. We have so much more fun.

I know Ricky will let me get ice cream on the way home. Dad would say it would ruin my lunch but Ricky knows it won’t. Besides I knew there were going to be green beans.

We used my limo to go to the studio. I know it was my limo because the guards always used this one and it had the pictures I had drew in school taped to the back of the seat. It was really neat. I also had photographs of me and Mr. Wayne and Sinatra and a whole bunch of others. Ricky calls it my, ‘I love me wall.’

We were at the studio and I had just slipped out of the makeup chair when this fat lady came in and told me that I didn’t have to worry that I would be safe now.

Ricky asked her what was going on. She identified herself as being with Los Angeles Child Protection and that since Mary didn’t have an adult over the age of eighteen with her she had to be protected by the State. They would take her and make certain that she had a nice room until proper arrangements could be made.

I told her that Ricky was emaciated. She and Ricky both had funny looks. Then Ricky laughed.

“Mary means I’m emancipated.”

“I don’t care. I know you are not eighteen and the law is very clear. Come with me kid.”

She grabbed my arm and pulled me. I pulled back. She then raised her hand like she was going to hit me. Ricky grabbed her hand and she couldn’t move it. He pulled her away from me.

He told her, “I think you need to leave right now.”

“I’m calling the police, you assaulted me.”

While she made her call Ricky gave me his little black book of phone numbers.

“Mary, call this number. It is the man from the State of California that was on the set at Bandits, he was the old storyteller. Let him know we need his help here. Then call Dad’s office and tell them we have an emergency and need him here or the State will take you away.

As I went to make the phone calls the fat lady came back. Ricky tried to talk to her some more. He showed her his United States Marshal ID. She refused to acknowledge that it had any bearing.

“I have called the Police young man and they will help me take this child to safety.”

Ricky must have made a mistake because the lady started screaming. I ran back to see what was going on. It was nothing she had just seen his pistol under his shoulder in its holster. He always has it so I didn’t see the big deal.

He had even let me shoot it. He had to help me hold it as it is so heavy and it makes a really loud noise. I was going to tell her that I had shot it but she went to the phone. She can move really fast for a fat lady.

I went back to the office to make the phone calls. As I was going to the phone two policemen walked in. It took me a long time to make the calls but the policemen and Ricky were still talking when I got back.

They asked him if he had hit the fat lady.

“I stopped her hand in midair from slapping my sister.”

The policeman asked the studio people who were standing there if they saw it, they all did.

I listened and it seemed that the policemen didn’t want to take me away. They thought that Ricky was enough protection for me and that the fat lady was the one who should be charged with attempting to hit me. The fat lady wouldn’t budge. Oh, I think I just made a joke, the fat lady couldn’t budge.

Ricky asked me if I had made the phone calls he had asked for.

“I called them Ricky and since I had time I called everyone else.”

“Everyone else?”

“Everyone in your book, I told them that the fat lady was trying to take me away and she had the police with her.”

I don’t know why Ricky groaned, but he got the evilest grin I have ever seen except in the movie, ‘Over the Ohio’. He was really scary in that movie.

“Ladies and gentleman things are about to get interesting.”

The oldest policeman asked Ricky why.

“Apparently Mary has called among others an Associate Justice of the California Supreme Court, the head of Warner Brothers Studio, the Mayor of Los Angeles, the Governors of the States of California and Ohio, the Prime Ministers of Japan, Australia and New Zealand, the President of South Korea, the Royal Governor of Hong Kong, the President of the United States of America, and oh yes the Queen of England.”

The cops started laughing for some reason. The fat lady got really red in the face.

She started to say something but I stamped my foot really hard.

I told her, “You are a mean person and should be nice to people.”

“Ricky, the operators wouldn’t let me make any overseas calls but the White House was very nice to me. I told them the secret code you had written in your book. They put me through to a guy who let me talk to the President. He said he would get us help.”

A bunch of things started happening. First of all, Daddy walked through the door and he didn’t look happy. The phones in the office started ringing like crazy. Ricky talked to them while Daddy shouted at the fat lady.

Ricky told the fat lady the phone was for her. It was the Governor of California. As she was standing there saying, “Yes Sir; Yes Sir” many times a big man came into the office along with a policeman who had a bunch of stars on his collars.

I listened and found out it was the Mayor of Los Angeles and the Chief of Police.

As they were all talking or shouting at each other I went back to the studio photographer and asked him if he had pictures of all this. He did. He even had a picture of her trying to slap me.

I asked for copies as I could sell them to the scandal sheets. He agreed to share them but wanted some of the money. Since he had the pictures he would get half. We exchanged business cards.

When everything settled down Daddy told everyone that I had a photoshoot to finish and would they all please leave.

Most of them did, the police took the fat lady out. They were taking her to the police station because Daddy was charging her. I don’t know how he could put her on a credit card.

I heard one of the policemen tell Daddy this was the most fun they had in years. The fat lady was a real pain and the department hated getting calls to help her ‘save’ children.

The mayor talked to Daddy a lot. He kept saying that the city was not responsible for what she had done. Daddy asked if she was a city employee.”

“Yes, but we are not responsible for her actions.”

“I wonder what the Judge will have to say.”

“You’re taking us to court?”

“Are you willing to settle right now?”

The mayor got a really mad look. He seemed to swell up like a frog. Then it was like he had a pin stuck in him.

“How much?”

“Since she only attempted and didn’t hit her, I think five thousand made out to Mary Jackson would settle the issue.”

Daddy saw me smile at this. I was thinking of all the dolls, toys, candy and clothes I could buy.

“Mary you get to keep one hundred dollars the rest goes into your savings.”

That’s still a lot of stuff. Why am I saving money, is Daddy scared he will lose his? I better ask Mum about that. She writes the checks so she will know if we have money problems. I hope we don’t have to sell my limo, I just had it decorated the way I wanted it.

Daddy had to get back to his meetings so Ricky rode home with me. The ice cream was really good. When we got home Mrs. Hernandez scolded Ricky for letting me have ice cream. I don’t know how she knew. Well, maybe there was some chocolate on my face and a little on my dress.

Ricky told her he was sorry about the ice cream but I don’t think he was. He hurried out of the room as he said he had to make some phone calls to explain what happened. I hope he calls the President before he sends the Army.

When he came back he said it was all okay. That Ike hadn’t called out the Army, he had sent the Marines. I think he was kidding me. That would have been neat for a tank to run over the fat lady’s car.

It was a good day, the photo-shoot was fun and I would make money on the other pictures. Mum says you should always send Thank You cards for a good time, I wonder if I should send the fat lady one?

When he got home Daddy told me some changes had been made with the guards. They now had written permission to take me places as guardians. If my driver had been inside the problems could have been avoided. Now there would be a lady guard and driver. The guard would go into places with me.

I hoped my new lady guard liked ice cream. I would teach her what flavors were best. She would learn.

As they say, I’m Mary, Mary quite contrary.

Chapter 2: How does your garden grow?

Jim my driver and Sally my new guard were taking me to school and I saw something strange out the car window. A car in the lane next to us had its window open and a guy was holding a puppy out the window. They were in the lane next to the curb.

He was sitting behind the driver. He tossed the puppy up into the air over the car towards the sidewalk.

I yelled, “Jim stop the car.”

He slammed on the brakes and moved over next to the sidewalk lane. I opened the car door and jumped out. Sally followed me, even though she didn’t know what was happening.

I ran back to where the puppy had landed. It was lying there. It looked like it had been knocked out. I picked it up and held it and it started to move. Soon it had wiggled around and started to lick my face.

Sally asked me what was going on. I told her about the guy tossing the puppy out the window. She thought that was terrible.

I held the puppy in my lap while they took me to school. It was friendly and wanted to play. I had to leave the girl puppy with them. I peeked.

Jim and Sally promised they would take care of the puppy while I was in school.

I told Patti who was my friend again about it. She told me I was a hero because I had saved the puppy. I told her I just had done what I thought was right and that it wasn’t a big deal. Now my brother Ricky was a real hero.

Then I remembered that Ricky always said that he had done what was right and it wasn’t a big deal. Well, he is a hero to me. Maybe I’m a hero to Patti. That seems silly.

Of course, she told some of the other kids. The teacher heard them so I had to tell the whole class about it. They thought the guy who tossed the puppy out the car window was horrible. Maybe we should find him and toss him out a car window.

My teacher started to say something and then shook her head.

“Mary is our hero of the day. Now let’s get to work. And Mary being a hero doesn’t mean you can use those bad words you blame on your mother.”

I don’t use bad words all the time, just when people are mean like that tosser who threw the puppy out the window.

After school, I rushed out to the car to see how the puppy was doing. A bunch of the other kids followed me. Sally got out of the car holding the puppy. Everyone thought she was the cutest little thing. She was a baby German Shepard.

I let the kids hold her. She loved it and licked everyone on the face. She piddled on Billy so she was my favorite dog. Someone said, “PU dog pee,” and all of us moved away from Billy. He ran back into the school to wash off.

I told her she was a good girl. My good girl needed a name. I would have to think. The only dog like her that I knew was Rin-Tin-Tin. That sounded silly to me.

Sally told me that they had shown her to Mum and she said the dog had to go to the Veterinarian for a checkup and its shots. She would have to be fixed.

“What’s wrong with her? She looks fine to me.”

Sally replied, “I don’t think anything is wrong with her.”

“Then why is she going to be fixed, Daddy says if it isn’t broken don’t fix it.”

I don’t know why Jim and Sally started laughing, it wasn’t funny.

“Mary, you will have to ask your Mum about that.”

“Okay, but I’m worried I know when Daddy tried to fix the broken plumbing it got worse. I don’t want to make my puppy worse. Oh, and her name is Liz.”

“How did you pick Liz?”

“For Queen Elizabeth.”

“Oh.”
“I bet she will like that I named my dog after her.”

“I’m sure she will, but she probably will never hear about her.”

“Oh, I will tell her the next time we visit the Palace.”

Jim told Sally, “There is a lot about the Jacksons that you don’t know yet. The Viscountess and the Queen are good friends.”

“Oh, you mean I might have to go to Buckingham Palace?”

“There is a good chance.”

“But I don’t have anything to wear. What does one wear to a Palace?”

Sally was nice so I decided to help her.

“I wore a pinafore the last time.”

Jim butted in, “There you go Sally, good fashion advice.”

We pulled up to the Veterinary place so Sally didn’t get to reply. I think she was going to use one of those words that I’m not allowed to say.

The Vet as they called Dr. Pol was very nice. I told him that Liz wasn’t broken and that he shouldn’t try to fix her. He explained that it was a little operation so that she wouldn’t have puppies.

He explained that German Shepard’s grew big and that they wouldn’t fit in our house. I tried to tell him we had a big house but I don’t think he understood.

He gave Liz her shots. I don’t like shots but I know you will get sick if you don’t get them. Liz was even able to look at the needle when he stuck it in. She is braver than I am.

We were leaving Liz here for several days so she could be fixed. I still wasn’t certain about that. I like puppies.

There was a sign in the lobby where Sally was paying the bill. It said the shelter needed money to save the dogs.

I asked about that. It seems some people don’t like or want dogs so they give them to the shelter. The shelter was running out of money so they might have to put them down.

“They won’t be able to sit on your lap?”

Sally told me, “No honey they will put them to sleep.”

“What if they aren’t tired and want to play.”

Dr. Pol was standing there and he explained it, I don’t know why people are afraid to say things.

“If they don’t have money to feed the dogs they will give them a shot to kill them. It is kinder to do that than letting them starve to death.”

That made me want to cry but rather than cry I wondered if I could do something about it.

“How much do they need?”

“Right now they need several thousand dollars. That is a lot of money.”

“I have that much, I will go home and have Mum write a check.”

I don’t think Dr. Pol believed me.

When we got home I told Mum about the starving dogs and that I wanted to save them.

She told me that I couldn’t save all the dogs in the world.

“I know I can’t, but I can save these. You told me I have a bunch of money in the bank from my pictures and advertisements. I know that I say I want to spend it on toys and candy but that is kid stuff. I want to do something grownup. Helping animals is grownup.”

Mum looked thoughtful for a moment.

“You are right Mary that is a grownup thing to do, let’s go back to the Vet and talk to Dr. Pol.”

So Jim brought Mum’s car around. It was her little green sports car. It was fun to ride in. I think I will get one just like it when I can drive. I think you have to be at least twelve before you can do that.

Anyway, Mum had a bunch of questions for Dr. Pol. I wanted to go play with all the pets they had but she made me sit and listen to her questions.

She made sure that the people who ran the place were good people and would really take care of the dogs and not steal the money.

I would have never thought of that. I was glad Mum let me hear these questions. That way the bad people wouldn’t get my money and the dogs wouldn’t starve.

The building for the starving dogs was across the street so we walked over. It was very clean and didn’t smell bad. I thought it would stink because all those dogs would poop. Well if they didn’t feed them they wouldn’t poop and the place wouldn’t smell. I had better check this place out.

The people there seemed nice. They gave us a tour. The storeroom for the dog food had a bunch of bags there. I asked what dog-chow was. I could read those words. I didn’t know what Purina was. It sounded kind of yucky but dogs must like it.

A bag was open so they showed me. It was dry dog food. Since it was time to feed the dogs I was allowed to help. We measured it out in bowls and put a little water on it. It seemed yucky to me, but the dogs really ate it fast. Maybe they were starving.

I asked Mum and she told me that dogs always ate like they were starving. I bet Liz would be lady-like when she ate.

After our tour, Mum explained that I wanted to help feed the dogs. They told her every little bit helped.

When Mum wrote out a check they got all excited. It was enough money to feed all the dogs for six months. They would have time to find them homes.

When I heard they needed homes I thought about how big ours was and that we had a bunch of room for them. When I asked Mum if we could take them all home she said no.

That made me a little mad so I stamped my foot.

Mum shook her head and said, “Mary, Mary quite contrary.”

“But Mum I want to help the dogs.”

The lady standing there spoke up, “You told us that Mary made her money doing advertisements. We would like to do a PSA for TV. The station would run it for free but we couldn’t afford a spokesperson.”

Mum asked, “Mary would you like to do a PSA for the dogs?”

“Yes I would, what is a PSA?”
“It is a Public Service Announcement. The Radio and TV people are required to do so many each year to keep their broadcast license.”

“I can do that. Someone will have to write the words and help me remember them because I can’t read very much yet.”

“Does Daddy have to have PSA’s on his radio and TV channels.”

“Yes, he does.”

“Maybe I could help with those.”

“We’ll see dear.”

It took several weeks and Jim, Sally, Mum and I went to a TV station. It wasn’t one of Daddy’s. A man there helped me learn the words I was to say. There weren’t very many. I just had to look sad when I said my lines. I had learned to look sad and had practiced it at home. I even fooled Ricky one day.

The man told me I was good at looking sad. I told him I could cry if he needed that. He didn’t believe me, so I thought real hard and had tears running down my cheek.

That put me in front of a camera. I had to try three times because I kept forgetting the words. It is hard to say words when looking sad and crying but I did it.

The adults were all excited about me being able to do that. The man said it was positively heart-rendering, one of the best PSA’s he had ever seen. He thought it might win an Emmy. I don’t know her.

Liz was home and running around the house. I guess fixing her didn’t break anything. Her table manners were terrible. She would gobble down her food and then try to sneak some of ours. I was told I couldn’t feed her from the table so I didn’t. Besides I found out she didn’t like Brussel Sprouts any more than I did.

Mum and I would go to the Human Society ever week to see how the dogs were doing. When they started running the PSA people really adopted a lot of dogs. They only had half the dogs they had and these were all new.

There were so many mean people that gave their dogs away. I said that to Mum and she told me that maybe the people weren’t mean, they just didn’t get their dog fixed and they couldn’t keep that many puppies.

I didn’t think of that, maybe it was good that we got Liz fixed.

My friend Patti came home from school with me last night for a sleepover. We had fun. We played at getting married. I found some lace curtains sitting on the bed in a spare bedroom. They made a wonderful dress and veil for my head.

At breakfast, Mrs. Hernandez asked if anyone had seen the new curtains. Patti and I ate our cereal real quick and left the table. I had left the curtains in my bedroom so I grabbed them real quick and ran them back to the spare bedroom. They were a little wrinkled but I don’t think she will notice. And I’m sure the Kool-Aid stain will come out.

After school, Mrs. Hernandez was waiting for me with the curtain in hand. She asked if I knew anything about them. I knew if I lied I would get in real trouble so I told her that Patti wanted to play a wedding and that we needed a dress.

She shook her head and told me I was too young to get married. I told her I knew that it was Patti marrying Billie. I was the Maid of Honor and Davie was Best Boy. I don’t understand how Warner Brothers have best-boys and they are all grown up.

At dinner, Daddy told me that the cost of the lace curtains was coming out of my weekly allowance. I told him that seemed fair so that ended that. I would rather pay for the curtains than get a spanking for lying about them.

Daddy told me I seemed to be growing up. I didn’t try to get out of trouble by telling a lie. I had rescued a puppy. I had helped a bunch of dogs with my money and had even done a PSA for them. Of course, I still had a way to go. I had to watch my language and quit hitting people. He said those were the weeds in my garden.

Mary, Mary quite contrary

How does your garden grow?

Chapter 3: With silver bells, and cockle shells,

The boys at school were still saying I had a brown thumb and that the poem had it all wrong. Billy said it should be:

Mary, Mary quite contrary

How does your garden grow?

With devils weed, and evil seeds,

and stinky toadstools all in a row.

It made me so mad I wanted to hit him, I wasn’t allowed to do that or say the words I wanted to. I had asked Davie to beat him up but he wouldn’t do it. He said that Billy was older than him so he would be certain to lose the fight. I asked Patti to tell him she wouldn’t like him anymore but she told me she didn’t want to lie.

What is a girl to do?

I asked Mum at dinner about what could I do to stop them from saying all the mean things. I had tried everything I could think of. I had even thought about going to a teacher and crying about how mean Billy and his friends were but the teachers had seen me practice crying.

Mum told me she had been planning to do something for a long time and now was the time. She was going to start a flower garden with a greenhouse. I wonder why it has to be green.

After dinner, Mum took me to a book store where she bought books on growing flowers. She was interested in Silver Bells, Cockle Shells, and Maids all in a row. She showed me their real names Halesia, Prosthechea Cochleata, and Auriculeas but I couldn’t say those words.

She told me that we were going to grow those flowers. That sounded like fun! Mum bought a whole bunch of books. I hope I didn’t have to read all of them, they had a lot of big words and some of them looked very funny.

The next day at school I told Patti that Mum and I were going to grow the flowers in the poem. She told Davie and he told the other kids.

When I got home I told Mum at lunch about all the kids making fun of me. I really am mad at Patti she promised me she wouldn’t tell anybody. Mum explained to me that revenge was a dish best served cold. That made sense as I didn’t think you could cook revenge, maybe it was some sort of desert, like Tam Tattlers Tart. Mum always promised those but never gave us any.

After lunch Mum had our driver and my new lady guard, Sally, take us to a garden center. It was a big one with all sorts of plants indoors and outdoors. There was even a big fountain. It was fun to splash the water. Mum didn’t like me getting my dress wet but thought it would dry out quickly.

She spent a lot of time talking to a man. He took us around the lot and showed us a building that was all glass. He called it a greenhouse. The front was painted white so I wonder why they named it greenhouse. Maybe the green family lived in them.

When I asked Mum explained they were used to grow plants in all types of weather. When it snowed the plants stayed green, and that is how it got its name.

“Are you going to buy one?”

“Yes dear, I have been planning on it ever since we moved to Jackson House. This gives me a reason to do it.”

“How long will it take to grow the flowers?”

“Normally a long time, but we are going to cheat.”

“Ricky won’t let me cheat at monopoly will he get mad at us?”

Mummy laughed and said, “No dear, not that type of cheating, we are going to buy plants that are ready to flower.”

“Oh, do they sell them here?”

“We have to order them from different greenhouses around the country. They will ship them to our new greenhouse.”

While Mum talked to the man about buying the greenhouse and having it set up I wandered around the store. Sally followed me everywhere. I don’t know what I will do when Davie decides to like girls.

They had statues and garden gnomes and a bunch of other stuff. There was a row of rough looking knight’s armor. They didn’t look like those I had seen in England. These were pieces of metal welded together to look like armor. No one could wear them. They would make a silly decoration.

I was curious as to how heavy they were. I pushed one on the end just a little. It tipped over onto the one next to it. That started the whole row of them falling over with a terrible clang and clatter.

Sally grabbed my arm and walked us away as people came running. When we got back to Mum, Mum asked if we knew what all the noise was. Sally told her someone had knocked over a row of fake knight’s armor.

For some reason, Mum really looked at me. I pretended as I did at home when Eddie and I did something. I just kept thinking he did it, he did it. Usually, it didn’t work with Mum but it did this time.

I turned to Sally who had just winked at Mum for some reason. I think I’m going to like Sally.

Two weeks later the greenhouses had been delivered and were all in place sitting on concrete Dad had installed. They had water, heat, air conditioning along with a sprinkler system. There were three of them behind the garage. Mum explained it was so we could have different limats. I don’t know what a limat is, but it must be important to plants.

The flowers arrived several days later. There were a whole bunch of them, Silver Bells, Cockle Shells, and Maids all in a Row. They are all pretty but the Maids smelled the best.

They started arriving on Wednesday and the last came in on Friday. They all looked wilted when we got them but by Monday they were all standing up and looking better.

The greenhouse has a sprinkler system inside to water the flowers. The water goes on the plants and some of it goes on to the greenhouse floor. It also washes some of the dirt out of the plants to the floor. It makes a real muddy mess that is fun to stomp your foot in.

It splashes everywhere. I had fun doing that until Mum saw me. She got upset because I had on white tights under my pinafore. They were a little dirty. Okay, they were a horrid muddy mess.

The plants looked better each day. Finally, the flowers started blooming. On a Wednesday Mum decided they were ready for Show and Tell.

Mum gave me a note for my teacher and suggested that I asked to be able to show my flowers at Show and Tell on Friday.

I was so excited Friday morning. Mum and I got up early and cut the flowers. She had display vases for them. When Mum said the word, it sounded like the word was with a V in front and a long A as in Spanish. When Dad said it, it sounded like base. One of them talks funny.

When it was my turn at Show and Tell my driver and Sally came in with the vases full of flowers. I told them what they were and how they were grown and what limats they liked and how much food and water they needed.

I finished up with saying, and that is how my garden grows. After that, I held up my hand. Mum had taken one of my white gloves and dyed the thumb green so I held it up in the air.

Even Billy looked impressed. At recess, he asked if I could be his girlfriend since Patti was now mad at him for making fun of me. I told him that I was mad at him and had written a poem about him:

Billy, Billy is silly Billy.

Hanging on a bull’s tail,

When the bull has to pee

Billy has a cup of tea.

Daddy helped with that but I can’t tell Mummy.

I said it loud enough on the merry go round that his friends heard it. They liked it and started chanting it towards him. He took off crying. I felt bad about making him cry. This revenge thing is hard.

The television studio had me come back and make several more PSA’s for them. They were about the puppies and I got to hold several during the filming. I enjoyed it until one of them peed on my dress, right on my lap. It was wet and uncomfortable and I wanted to go home.

One of the ladies who worked there brought out a hairdryer just like Ricky had invented and dried my dress off. It had a stain but wasn’t uncomfortable so I agreed to stay and finish.

Someone said, “The show must go on.”

I thought that was silly, what if the building caught on fire.

Mum was with me along with Sally, poor Jim always had to wait in the car. Usually, he had a book with him but he forgot it, he had to listen to the car radio. He must get lonely out there.

When we were finished and going home Jim told us he heard my PSA on the radio. They had written it so it could be used both on TV and Radio.

Mum said Mr. Baxter had called her and let her know it was being aired nationally. She and Mr. Baxter were waiting on the Neilsen ratings to see if people remembered the ad. If it went well it could get me better jobs. Mum was undecided.

She liked the idea of me making something of my self but worried that I might be too young. She and Daddy had been talking about what they should let me do. I wanted to do more stuff in movies and television. I wonder if I can get emaciated like Ricky.

Mum got a phone call from a clothing company. They had been getting requests from stores for pinafore dresses just like the ones Mary wore in the ads. The ads were on TV and in magazines all over the country. They wanted to know if we would be interested in a Mary Jackson line of clothing.

Mummy and Daddy talked about it and couldn’t see any reason why not. They asked me and I wanted to know what I would get out of it. Daddy told me I was a little mercenary and he loved it. I wonder what a mercenary does, but I want to be one if Daddy loves it.

I would get paid money but best of all I would get clothes. I would get one in my size of everything they made. I wouldn’t be allowed to wear anyone else’s clothes. Why would I? Mine would have my name on the label of each one. How cool is that?

I asked how long it would take to start my new clothes. They told Mum that it would be easy. They had made the dress I wore in the ad, so all they had to do was make a new label to put on the dresses. Someone would come to the house and take pictures of me in some of them for their advertisements.

When the two men showed up to take pictures they were surprised by our house. They said they didn’t know how rich we were. I told them I had heard Mummy and Daddy say they were comfortable. They said my brother Ricky is as rich as crocus. I didn’t know flowers could be rich.

Anyway, they took a bunch of pictures of me. Some on Misty, some with Liz, all over the house and on top of the tower.

Daddy and a man from his office, an accountant talked to me about my taxes. I don’t know why I have to pay taxes. I won’t be six until June. I don’t think you should have to pay any until you are older like ten.

They explained to me that I could give the money to charity and not have to pay taxes on some of it. If I did that I would end up with more money than if I didn’t give it away. That made no sense to me, if I gave money away I would make more.

The people who do taxes have a real problem with math. I bet they can’t even do division. I’m trying to learn that and it is hard.

Daddy asked me where I would give my money to save money and that was easy. I would give it to feed the puppy dogs. He told me that there would be enough to feed a lot of puppies. I would have to have a charity named after me and the money would go all over the country to feed many puppies.

I liked that. The accountant wanted to know the name of my charity. I told him that it would be, The Mary Jackson Charity to Feed Hungry Puppies. Daddy liked that.

When he and the accountant told the clothing people what I was doing with some of my money they thought it was great. They even put it in the advertising that some of the dress money was feeding puppies. They even made some tee shirts that said feed the puppies. For some reason, Daddy thought that was funny.

Soon after the advertisements came out about feeding puppies I started getting mail with money in them from other little girls. It would only be a dollar or so but there was a bunch of mail. Mum finally had them taken to Ricky’s office to be opened and kept track of. They were used to doing that for his fan mail.

It was so much they had to hire a person and I had to pay them. Well, they took the money from somewhere and gave it to them and told me I was doing the paying.

I asked Mummy if I had a person working for me, could they do my chores. She told me, “No!” I think it is the only time I have ever seen Mummy stamp her foot. I went and played with my dolls, it seemed the safer thing to do. I wonder if I could talk Daddy into letting me hire a maid.

Billy didn’t tease me at school about my flowers anymore. Now it was about my dresses. I had so many I wore a different one every day. Billy said I had to because I was so stinky from holding silver bells and cockle shells. I think he may like me.

Mary, Mary quite contrary

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells, and cockle shells,

Chapter 4: And pretty maids all in a row.

Mummy and Daddy had a very serious talk about what they would let me do. Mum had originally said I could do one project a year, a movie or an advertisement. Now I had been in a movie and several advertisements for pay and three free PSA’s.

They decided that as long as I didn’t show signs of negative changes, kept up with my schooling I would be allowed to do outside things. I don’t know what negative changes are, I suppose if I started smoking cigarettes or drinking Daddy’s nasty beer they would think that was negative.

Daddy doesn’t drink very much beer anymore and I know why. I snuck some from his glass and it was terrible. Nobody I knew smoked so I don’t know where I could get cigarettes. I had been places where people smoked and it made them smell awful.

I think I will skip smoking. Billy would really tease me for smelling bad. But of course, he did that now, so maybe it wouldn’t matter.

I couldn’t think of what else negative behavior would be.  Maybe it has something to do with the film. I know Denny got in trouble because he was kissing a girl in his darkroom. Kissing is okay when you are big so it must be something else. Well, I will stay out of the darkroom so I can be in the movies and make ads and PSA’s.

The television people had got more money to make new PSA’s because they were being received so well. Also, other groups wanted me to do one for them. I didn’t even know whales needed saving. I could hold a puppy but I think whales are too big.

When the TV people called and asked if I could do more PSA’s, Daddy told them that it wouldn’t reduce my taxes any further. They told Daddy that we were mercenaries. I liked that, I was the same as Daddy. I still wonder about what mercenaries are I have to ask him someday.

The clothing people called Daddy and told him the sales were going through the roof. I knew that meant they were going well. They wanted to know if I would do a series of commercials for my clothing line. Daddy asked me if I wanted to.

I started to say does the bear…

He stopped me and told me I had better not finish that or I would get a spanking.

I didn’t finish it but what is wrong with, does the bear growl real loud.

He told them I could do more advertisements but that they had to be filmed in California. They told him their ad agency only worked in New York so they didn’t know of a studio they could use. Daddy told them he would call Warner Brothers to see if they would be interested. He would get right back to them.

After that Daddy did call Mr. Monroe and found out the studio would be delighted to rent their services. That was good because their makeup people were the best.

While Daddy was on the phone Mrs. Hernandez came looking for me. Liz had jumped up on the kitchen table and stolen a chicken that was for dinner. She was not happy, I had to get that mutt under control or get rid of her.

That scared me. I found Liz and told her she was in trouble. She knew she had been bad as she was hiding under the covers in my bed. When I told her to get down she did, but when she jumped off the bed she squatted and peed all over the carpet.

I yelled at her and she cried and whined. That got me upset and I hugged her. I wouldn’t let them take Liz, we would run away together. Maybe we could go back to Ohio. I didn’t have enough money to buy an airplane ticket so I would have to hitchhike the same as Rick did.

I had to clean up the dog pee or I would really get in trouble. I knew that they kept the cleaning stuff in a hall closet so I went there. I knew what some of the stuff was but couldn’t read all of their names. One of them I knew was Clorox. So I used that on the carpet. The pee stain came out along with the color in the carpeting.

Now I would really catch heck so I moved a chair over the spot. I hoped no one would ask why I had a chair next to my bed. Then I took Liz outside for a walk so she could do her serious business.

I had her on a leash because she always wanted to run to the horses. Ben told me if she bothered them too much they would kick her and kill her so I was very careful.

If we moved slowly Misty would exchange nose smells with Liz. It is nice that my puppy and pony like each other. I wonder why Liz and Mittens don’t get along. Mittens would always run away from Liz. All Liz wanted to do was play.

One day Mittens got caught in a corner and Liz was going to play and Mittens slapped Liz then jumped over her back and ran away. We didn’t see her in the house for two days. She has some good hiding spots, I found her best one. It was in Mrs. Hernandez’s room. Mrs. Hernandez must like cats and not dogs that is why she called Liz a mutt. She told Mum that Liz should be kept in a cage. I’m not sure I like Mrs. Hernandez anymore.

Mummy had a dog run made outside for Liz, she was to stay there while I was gone. I could have her with me when I got home each time. I was responsible for her actions. If she ate another chicken I had to pay for it.

I asked Mum if it would be cheaper to keep live chickens for dinner. She told me that I could but I had to feed them and chop their heads off. Eddie thought that was neat but I didn’t want to do that. I would also have to pull off all the feathers and clean the insides. Yuck!

Mum suggested I send Liz to obedience school. There she would learn to be a good puppy. Eddie wanted to send me to one of those schools so I would learn to be a good girl. I stuck my tongue out at him and crossed my eyes. Mum told me not to do that as my eyes might get stuck that way.

So I ended up going with Liz to obedience school every day after my kindergarten. Jim and Sally would take me home we would let Liz out of her run. She would run wild for a few minutes then we got back in the limo and went to school. Liz did very well in school and learned to sit, stay, and walk with me quietly, laydown and rollover.

At the end of the course, she got a certificate for graduation. Eddie wanted to know if I flunked out. I got him though. I made a really sad face and started the tears running. He told me he was sorry and didn’t make me cry because I failed. I laughed in his face and told him I didn’t fail. They had also given me a certificate as a qualified dog handler for one German Shepard named Liz. So there!

Mum told me to quit being a brat. I thought about asking her why I should act like a German sausage but I’m not that stupid.

The clothing people had arranged for their ad agency from New York City to bring their people to Hollywood to do my ads. We all met at the Warner Brothers studio. Mr. Monroe welcomed everyone then left so we could get to work. The New York people had brought a lot of equipment.

This led to some serious sounding conversations about union rules. Mum and I went to the commissary and people watched. We left word for them to send a runner when things were settled.

It took over an hour and two cokes each before the runner came for us. You could tell there were some upset people there but we went ahead. The New York people felt like they knew best and had agreed to pay union rates even though the picture people would just stand and watch.

Mum told me that a lot of pride was on the line for the New Yorkers. This was their first Hollywood venture. All their work for the clothing company had been still shots so this was new territory for them.

While the makeup girl was fixing my face for the second time today they were setting up the lighting. It was just like my brother Denny did with a lot of light reflectors.

I was in my first outfit and they were ready to go. I walked onto the set and looked around. I just stood there. Their cameraman told me how he wanted me to pose. I just stood there. They were starting to wonder what was wrong.

“Mary, why aren’t you taking your position?”

“Ask the key lighting grip, he knows all the big words. All I know you are setting up for a shot where I don’t move, like my brother Denny’s still shots. The film will be rolling so the light will have to change. I have to go pee while you get this fixed.”

Mum was a little upset with me, “Mary you don’t tell the whole world you have to pee.”

“I know, that was called artistic contrast to get my message across. It sent a discordant note so they had to think about what I just said.”

“Where did you learn that?”

“On two different movie sets and many a casting call waiting room. Did you think all we talked about was our dollies and boys?”

“I see, I think your father and I need to have another long talk about what you are doing.”

“Oh, Mummy please let me do this.”

“See I know about how to make you think about what I just said. Good job on the set now maybe they can get it right.

They did when we got summoned from the commissary, where I was only allowed one glass of milk the two groups were working together. When it was my time to be in front of the camera they started with several still’s with me posed. Then they turned those lights off and moved the reflectors so the movie lighting could go in place.

I called it movie lighting but they were using television cameras with tape so they could watch it in realtime and immediately back it up. The studio had started doing this with a combination TV camera film unit so they didn’t have to wait for the dailies to be developed.

I never had to do more than three takes and most were only two with the second being the insurance shot. I was very careful in how I looked and what I was wearing ever since I forgot to take my watch off in, ‘Over the Ohio’. Ricky would still tease me calling me his little anchorism.

He smiles when he says it so it can’t be too bad. Not like some of the words I have heard Mummy say. I wonder if her mother ever washed her mouth out with soap.

The ads were played on TV and the stills in magazines. My clothing line was selling nicely. I was giving a lot of money to feed the puppies but still had a lot leftover. Daddy said we should invest some of it by buying stock in some company. I had learned that Purina was not part of the food but the name of the company that made it.

I suggested we buy their stock as I was buying a lot of dog food. He thought that was a good idea and he would look into it. After looking into it he ended up saying I should invest in Coco-Cola and McDonalds. I like both of them so that is what we did.

The clothing people had another idea they wanted to put on a fashion show for the young set. It was for kids the ages four to ten, both boys and girls. They would do it at Warner Brothers but it would be made for TV. Mr. Monroe told Daddy that this was good for the studio as they wanted a way to get into TV without hurting their movie business.

The studio’s and TV thought they were fighting for the same audience so they didn’t want their movies on TV as people wouldn’t pay to go to the theater. They would stay home and watch it for free. That didn’t make sense to me. The movie people could guess how much they would lose by people staying home and just charge that much more for the movie.  When the movie people owned the theaters it made sense to not have it on TV, but now they didn’t so why did they care as long as they got their money?

I didn’t really think of that. I heard Mr. Wayne, Mr. Baxter and Ricky talk about it at lunch in the commissary one day.

Anyway, a whole bunch of kid models were brung to the studio. We were all given clothes we were to show off. It was really strange the other kids treated me like I was special. We had separate changing rooms for boys and girls. They were just tents set up inside the large studio.

They shared one wall between the two changing rooms. The boys would peek under the wall. I know this because I saw one of them when I was peeking. I didn’t really see anything.

One of the girls said, “Let them look we don’t have anything to see yet.”

The older girls all giggled and the littles wondered what was going on. I pretended I understood and giggled with them.

At the end of the show, the boys all came out and bowed to the camera.

Last all of us girls came out and waved standing in a row.

Mary, Mary quite contrary

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells, and cockle shells,

And pretty maids all in a row.

The end for now