Phantom

C.V. Hunt

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental unless specified in acknowledgements.

Copyright © 2012 C.V. Hunt

All rights reserved.

http://www.authorcvhunt.com

This work was edited by Peter Heyrman. He can be contacted by email at bearpressedit@hotmail.com

or by calling (410)-433-0908

ISBN: 1456487116

ISBN-13: 978-1456487119

Ebook: 978-1-4675-1089-9

Due to the dynamic nature of the Internet, and the unforeseen paths of artists involved, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication, and may no longer be valid.

DEDICATION

This book is for everyone who reads stories by authors no one has ever heard of.

Every one of us will live, love, hate, fight, bleed, breed, struggle and survive. We are all the same, and we will all come to an end.

Your memories are the only thing you can take with you. Don’t forget to make the most of them.

C.V. Hunt

http://www.authorcvhunt.com

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A thank you to Peter Heyrman, my editor,

for inspiration and guidance.

To Tony Och, my tattooist, photographer,

and friend, thanks for the morbidly funny conversations and great photos.

A huge thank you to Angie and Larry Ealy, Cory Gilbert, Coylene and Shannon Gill, Christina Girardot, Chris Godfrey, Josh James, Aubrey Losen, Fabiola Nino, Jesse Nguyen, Pedro Soto, Sarah (Rhodes) Taylor, and Patti Witte for sacrificing your good names, and likeness, for my story. I’m sure that each of these books would have rotted on my hard drive without your inspiration.

To Richard, thank you for holding on to me as I dangled over the bottomless hole of writing. It would have swallowed me whole without you.

1 UNCONSCIOUS DREAM

I dropped my cigarette and stepped on it before I opened the door. When the vampire spoke, I froze.

“I’ll be right behind you, Jason,” said Sarah. “I want to enter alone.”

Cold air bit the back of my neck as I entered the bar. At night Seattle was always chilly, with the wind blowing across the Sound, but with summer coming to an end, air conditioning didn’t help. I could smell another vampire as soon as I entered the bar. This probably meant there was a werewolf in here too—another one like me. A vampire’s scent was like stale bread among the cookies. Humans were always sweeter.

The place was crowded. Keeping my head down, I spotted an open stool at the other end of the bar. I moved discreetly, trying to spot the other two feeding tonight.

As I passed a short girl with her back against the bar, the stale odor strengthened. She was taller than some of the bar patrons, but from my height of six-foot-plus she seemed short. Her orange skin shone from spray tanning and her hair was jet black. I felt her eyes follow me as I passed. I avoided her gaze. She would know from my smell I wasn’t completely human.

I took my seat, watching the door for Sarah Rhodes. She appeared a few seconds later and sulked in the shadows, taking a quick look around. I was sure she’d smelled the vampire too. She was searching for the source. Being a vampire, Sarah needed feeding more than I did. With her temporary hair color and thick coat of make-up she could pass for human tonight. Loss of pigmentation in skin and hair was a trait all vampires inherit upon transformation. The only thing they kept from their mortal bodies was their eye color.

Using my werewolf hearing, I blocked out the background noise and concentrated on the vampire.

Watching the humans, she spoke without moving her head: “A pretty boy just sat at the end of the bar. I’m certain he’s a werewolf, because I just caught the scent of another vampire.”

A thin girl, with long spidery arms and fingers, covered in tattoos, played with her drink. She shrugged her shoulders and gulped a strange colored concoction. Her shoulder-length brown hair hung in her face. She seemed more interested in the bottom of her glass than what was going on around her.

The fact she was a werewolf stirred my interest. All girls interested me, but a female werewolf was rare. I’d only met one other. That was when the Quatre captured me. Her main interest had been to kill me, so when this one didn’t immediately shove a gun in my face, I felt like a lottery winner.

When the vampire turned to Sarah I barely noticed. Finally I glanced in Sarah’s direction and saw they’d made eye contact. A joyous recognition crossed Sarah’s face. Great, I thought, she’s run into someone she knows. It was two girlfriends reuniting. This was going to be a long fucking night. I wondered if I should just start punching myself in the balls immediately. Why couldn’t we grab and dash the way Verloren and I used to?

I looked around to make sure no one was approaching our car in the vacant lot. I kept one hand on the wheel and the other on the ignition key, just in case.

I looked in the rearview mirror as Verloren smiled wickedly at his victim – another nameless prostitute, her frizzy bleached hair pulled into ponytails. She thought this made her look young. To me she looked like a woman desperately hanging onto her youth. Age didn’t matter. This woman was about to become a vampire’s meal.

“Are you prepared to die?” Verloren asked her.

I couldn’t help but giggle. I pulled the duffle bag out from under the seat. It was a routine I knew by heart.

The crack of billiard balls brought me back. Sarah ran to the girl and hugged her. They started going on about the Quatre, and how it had been overthrown. The Quatre was a group of four misfits that had governed us all. I’d heard that a vampire on the Quatre had turned Sarah and kept her as a sex slave. She wasn’t the only one. Apparently the vampire she was talking with was a victim too, and once had lived in the same underground house where we were staying now.

The tattooed girl sitting beside the vampire completely ignored them. I knew she had to be a werewolf. Vampires and werewolves ran together. It’s the only reason I’d come with Sarah tonight. The vampire virus turned bitten humans unless they were killed. A werewolf needed to eat human flesh to be able to shape shift into his or her incarnate form, hence the necessity to hang with a vampire. The vampire killed the human to keep it from turning. We cleaned up, eating the bodies so we could keep our shape shifting and supernatural abilities.

“What’ll it be?” the bartender asked.

I was lost in thought as I stared at the girl too intently. She rolled the glass in her hands and her head bobbed. She seemed oblivious.

“Whatever she’s having,” I said, pointing at her.

The bartender snorted. “Okay,” he said, shaking his head as he walked back down the bar.

He pulled out a can of Mountain Dew and a bottle of Captain Morgan Preferred Stock. He proceeded to pour equal portions in a glass. Now I understood the color: a fucked up waste of money. He sat the glass in front of me and I slipped him the cash.

“Enjoy dew-ing the captain,” he said with a smirk.

“Fucking smartass,” I mumbled, as I took a sip.

Though definitely an acquired taste, it wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. The girl finished her drink and ordered another. The two vampires carried on like a pair of former cheerleaders at their high school reunion. After what seemed an eternity, their conversation wound down.

“Well, Sandy, me and Jason should get out of here,” Sarah said to her friend. “We’ll hit up another place.”

I gulped my drink in expectation of leaving. The tattooed girl leaned her elbows on the bar and pushed her fingers into her hair. She leaned her head heavily on her hand, her eyes half closed. Finally her hair wasn’t hiding her face and I got a good look at her.

She was hot. Her face was thin and her bottom lip was fuller than the top. Unlike me, she had a fair complexion. I didn’t know why, but most werewolves were slightly tan. Maybe it was linked to our change of skin color whenever we shifted. She looked to be in her mid-twenties—close to my age. Her sad eyes peered out from under dramatically arched brows. What was the word for her? Cold? Yes, but not cruel. Though her manner and movements weren’t quite feminine, she was beautiful in a sultry way. Her dark strength reminded me of a warrior.

Obviously, she’d had a lot to drink. She gripped her hair as if she were trying to hold her head up with it. I noted more tattoos on the side of her neck. I’d never seen anyone with that much ink. Her tattoos weren’t repulsive. They were a part of her definition, like battle scars. Her body looked too thin for my taste, but all the same, I would fuck her given the chance. She suddenly turned her head and looked at me, almost as if she had heard my thoughts.

The instant our eyes met it happened. Defibrillator paddles hit me in the chest. My whole body lurched and I nearly spilled my drink. I gripped the bar, righted myself, and wondered: What the fuck was that? I stared blankly at her, trying to calm my breaths. My chest tightened.

The girl’s jaw dropped and she stared at me. Her steel blue eyes were huge and glassy. She panted as she tried to free her hand from her hair. It was too fine a maneuver for a drunk. She doubled over, first crawling, then falling almost flat on the bar, one hand still entangled in her hair.

Maybe she wasn’t a werewolf. What if she was a witch? Could she have cast some spell on me just because I thought she was hot? The tattooed girl and I stared at each other, dazed. It was if the rest of the world disappeared, leaving only the two of us. I couldn’t breathe. I felt an urge to move toward her. The other vampire, Sandy, broke into our confused connection.

Sandy slapped the tattooed girl hard on the arm. “Did you hear me?”

“Huh?” she mumbled. Blinking rapidly, she shifted her gaze to Sandy. As she sat back, she finally freed her fingers from her hair. Strands fell across her eyes.

Sandy’s gaze followed her friend’s down the bar. She saw me, laughed, and looked back at the girl. “So… your girlfriend breaks up with you, you run out and get drunk, and fall into bed with the first face you meet. That will show her, huh?” She rolled her eyes.

“What? No… ‘s not like that…” The girl’s husky voice trailed off as she looked back at me.

Sandy turned to Sarah and spoke under her breath: “I’ll never get these bisexuals. One week it’s a girl, the next week it’s a guy.”

“To each their own,” Sarah responded.

“Come on,” Sandy said. She grabbed the tattooed girl’s thin bicep and pulled at her.

“But…” the girl protested.

“We’re giving this one to Sarah. Let’s go.”

The tattooed girl’s face darkened. Her eyes flashed yellow, confirming her identity; she was a werewolf, all right. Without thinking, I stood up. I needed to get to her. I didn’t know why, or what I would say, but my body pushed on.

“You can be pissed at me later,” Sandy was telling her. “You’ll thank me tomorrow when you’re crawling back to her on your knees.”

Sandy pulled the werewolf girl’s arm. The girl stood up and swayed. She turned, stared at me, took a step, and suddenly I felt something in my chest tugging me toward her.

Sandy pulled her arm again. “Come on, Oz, let’s go. We’re feeding tonight, not fucking.”

The girl stumbled as her shoulders dropped in defeat. She clenched her jaw, turned toward Sandy, and grabbed her sweatshirt off the stool. Sandy held her arm, directing her through the crowd toward the door.

“Nice seeing you again, Oz.” Sarah waved at the girl.

I politely pushed through the crowd, trying to get to her. As I got closer the tugging grew stronger, as if we were both caught in an invisible elastic band. The elastic was contracting, forcing us closer and closer.

Sarah grabbed my arm. I pushed past, dragging her with me. She wouldn’t let go. While trying to escape Sarah’s grip, I kept my eyes on the girl. Sarah was barely half my size, but I couldn’t shake her. I looked down at her, then glanced at the duo making their way to the door.

“Where are you going?” Sarah demanded.

“I have to talk to that girl.”

Sarah let go and I pushed toward the tattooed girl. Though my brain screamed danger, my body was like metal being pulled by a magnet.

“Don’t do anything stupid, lover boy,” Sarah whispered, knowing only I would hear.

Her words stirred a memory.

Verloren emerged from his room pulling on his leather jacket. He clutched his sunglasses as his face swam between excitement and confusion.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” I said.

“I just have to know what she is. It’s driving me nuts.” Then he took off in a jog down the hallway toward the back door.

I called after him, “You want to know what she is? Or is it more that you want her? Curiosity killed the cat, you know!”

The door shut and his motorcycle roared to life. The sound of the engine trailed off and I was left standing in the middle of our apartment.

“Fucking lover boy is going to get us both killed,” I mumbled to myself.

Was this it? Was Sarah seeing the same thing I’d seen in Verloren that day?

The girl looked back over her shoulder and stumbled. Sandy kept a firm grip on her arm. They were almost to the door when I realized my heart was pounding. My body shook with adrenaline, leaving my throat dry. Never had I felt like this, especially when approaching a girl. I was always smooth, flawless and relaxed. I never stumbled, stuttered or got excited, and I seldom received a rejection.

I tried to be discreet about plowing through the crowd, but the power in this feeling went beyond any courtesies. I pushed through those clustered at the door and burst out of the place. I looked up and down the street, then heard a car start right in front of me. It was too late. The tattooed girl stared out the passenger window. As they pulled away from the curb she saw me. She looked dumbfounded.

“Wait!” I yelled, running into the street.

Sandy hit the gas. If I’d shifted I could’ve caught up, but I knew better than to risk it. Even on a dark night in an empty street, someone would probably see. I gripped my spiked hair with both hands and paced.

An inhuman snarl erupted from my chest. “Fuck!”

I wanted to follow that car. Even as the feeling faded, I knew a residue would linger. If I could stop thinking about her the feeling would die down to nothing. There was no chance of that. My heart and breathing slowed, but I still felt shaky. I wondered if this was how a runner felt at the end of a marathon. I retreated to the sidewalk, but I couldn’t stop pacing. Had I found her? Was this like Ash and Verloren? Or was it just a bad dream veering toward a nightmare? Consciously I hoped it was over, but my unconscious yearned for more.

I looked down the street. I couldn’t even see their taillights.

2 MISSED CONNECTION

I was still pacing when Sarah came out of the bar. Laughter and music filled the night and died as the door closed. I turned to look at her. I don’t know what she saw in my face, but it was enough to worry her.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked.

Before I knew it I was looming over her. “Who was that girl?”

She stepped back and looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “There’s a bar full of girls, Jason. If you want one that bad… go ahead.”

“No!” I yelled. “Who the fuck was that girl?” As I pointed down the street, I felt a ripple. That was my body warning me to tense my muscles. Otherwise I would shift into the form of a werewolf.

“She’s Sandy’s garbage disposal. Everyone calls her Oz.”

“Where do they live?” Once again I advanced on her.

“I don’t know.” She backed away, half cowering.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You just spent all that time playing fuckin’ Chatty Kathy and you didn’t find out where the fuck she lives? Did you at least get her number or something?”

From the look on Sarah’s face I was sure my eyes had turned yellow.

“Why would I?” Being a vampire, she shed no tears, but she was sobbing. “You know vampires don’t want to hang together; draws too much attention when people start disappearing. Don’t yell at me.”

“Fuck me.” I stared up at the night sky and sighed. “I’m not yelling at you.” I couldn’t stand to watch her cry over something this stupid. I knew I was being an asshole, but girls are so touchy. Why couldn’t she roll with the punches?

“Here, you could walk into that bar and pick up any girl, but you’re obsessing over some… Oh my god!” She breathed. “She’s the one.”

“I-I don’t know,” I stammered. ”Something happened… I can’t put it into words.”

“Just like Verloren and Ashley,” she cried.

Their names were like tiny pricks of pain. Verloren Fagan had been a vampire. We’d had a strange relationship: friends who were doing all we could to hate each other. We’d been the destruction duo of Fort Wayne, feeding all over the Midwest, but we were discrete about it. Verloren always held out to the brink of starvation to keep the killing to a minimum. That had reduced our risk of getting caught.

I spoke through a clenched jaw: “I don’t know, but you need to get your fucking ass back in that bar and do what you have to so we can get the fuck out of Seattle. I need to talk to Hania.”

She turned away, sulking, and headed toward the bar entrance. I followed her. Her face constricted and her lip trembled in a tearless weeping. Girls were so fucking emotional. Sarah had just gone from bitchy, to giddy, to crying in under two minutes. If I’d yelled at Verloren like that, he would have made a smartass comment and moved on.

Back in the bar, Sarah used mind control to pick out someone to follow us back to the car. Verloren had been able to see who was human, but Sarah had to sniff them out. She always picked through the crowd, looking for a guy who deserved it. It was because of the torture Kale had inflicted. It wasn’t enough that Kale was dead; she wanted revenge on every guy that had ever thought of hurting a girl. Most of them hung in bars preying on the drunken women — fucking weirdoes if you ask me. I found pleasure in having a woman want me, not fight me. If they want you, they’ll do anything to please you. Why would anyone want to fuck a warm corpse? A willing participant is always better than a drugged, lifeless body.

I sat at the bar and had a couple of drinks. From the corner of my eye I noticed a couple of hot girls eyeing me. Any other night I would have approached them, but tonight my mind was muddied by Sarah’s friend and her tattooed companion. Then there were those echoes of Verloren and… Ashley. I don’t know why it mattered. I could fuck up a relationship in about point three seconds. But I felt different about the tattooed girl; it was more than a sexual attraction. I still had a strange sensation in my chest.

“Oz,” I whispered without realizing I had spoken out loud. I felt a tug in my chest as if someone had jerked on a rope tied to my sternum. I looked up from my beer and saw Sarah motioning for me to follow her.

She’d made her choice and the three of us headed to the car. Sarah drove and I let the poor bastard sit shotgun. I sprawled out on the back seat and thought about the girl. My mind ran through memories of Verloren going off after Ashley. Is that what I looked like?

Where was Ash? She’d promised to come back after summer. She couldn’t make it through the cold weather. Streetlights flashed by and I let Ash’s emotions take hold. She was happy, yet sad, always on an emotional roller coaster.

I scooted down on the back seat and saw Sarah’s designer sunglasses dangling from the visor — a necessity due to the light sensitivity caused by the vampire virus.

As the tugging kept up in my sternum, I closed my eyes. What was happening to me? Was I losing my mind? I looked at Sarah.

“What do you know about that girl?” I asked her.

She looked at me in the rearview mirror. “Not a lot. Her name is Nicole. She left after the Quatre fell, like most of the others.”

“She lived at the house?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know her well. She usually hung out with Josh and Cory.”

Cory was dead, so there were no answers there.

I asked: “And she’s bi?”

“I figured you would’ve asked about that first,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Hey, I’m not a complete sleazebag,” I said, looking at the man in the passenger seat.

“You could have surprised me,” she mumbled.

How could she be bisexual and my soul mate? It didn’t make sense. I needed to talk to Hania. He would read me like a palm — and know. He was the only member left of the Quatre, because he hadn’t participated in their bullshit scheme.

I picked up the CD case off the floorboard. Sarah wouldn’t stop at a motel until we were across the Puget Sound. She often made side trips around Port Angeles, but never saw her family once she was free from Kale. I couldn’t blame her. How would you explain an eternally young, albino mommy to your kids?

I flipped through the CDs until I found an Ice Nine Kills album and handed it to Sarah. She sighed as she put it on and I motioned her to turn up the volume. I leaned back on the smooth leather seat of the Lincoln and listened to the new sound system I’d installed. The world was dim through the dark-tinted windows, but the music sounded great. I found myself singing along.

I watched the guy in the passenger seat. He never flinched or moved. I’ve often wished werewolves had some kind of mind control power. All we got was strength and speed, and we get real fucking ugly, real quick. We don’t really look like wolves, more like massive humans with a canine head and longer arms so we could run on all fours. All of that was fueled with human meat. That’s why the man in the passenger seat was going to be dinner.

Normally I would have cleaned up after Ash. I hadn’t eaten after her in a few months, but there was still a faint connection. I could drop everything I was doing and find her, and I wanted to. I missed her and loved her and wanted her to be safe. I looked out the window and knew it was getting too cold for her to be out in the forest. She needed to come home so I could be near her again.

Her vacation needed to come to an end. Life was going to continue without Verloren. Vampires don’t have souls and he would never be reincarnated. Even if he did come back, it had only been a year-and-a-half since he died.

I looked out the window. He would only be a toddler.

3 UNSIGHTLY SCARS

As we drove to Port Angeles, I knew we were close to Ash. I could feel it, like a dog finding its way home. I knew what I was going to do before we reached the motel. I didn’t want to talk to Hania anymore.

Sarah pulled into a small motel and I checked us in — same old song and dance. I was the lookout as Sarah directed the guy into our motel room. It wasn’t bad sharing a room with Sarah; in a sense it was like sharing it with Verloren. Ashley and I had only shared a room once, and it didn’t go over well.

I liked to watch Sarah torture her victims. Whether this made me more demented than her, I didn’t know. She liked to kill them slowly, so they knew death was coming. Where most vampires would drain a person’s blood quickly then let the werewolf take over, Sarah did not. For an emotionally sensitive person, she was extremely cruel to her victims. Many times she would have me shift and help her. It was something we never discussed and I never told other people about it. Every vampire had his or her own unique feeding habits. Sarah’s just seemed more gruesome. To me it was all part of being a werewolf.

Sarah would keep them quiet, and as she fed off them she saw their thoughts. Sometimes she would have me feed on their hands or feet. She wanted to know what it was like for them to be eaten alive. As they sat powerless, she only took sips, reading their minds as she did. Sure, Verloren and I had fucked with people before we ate them, but she took it to a new level. I think Kale might have rubbed off on her just a tad.

Mostly it was just stupid shit, and I was used to it. She always made a big production out of it and I would roam around the town as she had her way with them.

I sat in a desk chair by the window, spinning and rocking. My mind went back to an earlier trip.

“Jason, let me see your pocket knife,” Sarah said.

A young blond man lay on the motel bed. She straddled him. I handed her my pocketknife and she opened it slowly. The man’s eyes were glazed with fear. His mouth was open and he struggled to scream, but Sarah’s vice-like mental hold kept him silent and still.

Sarah pushed the blade of the knife against the man’s crotch. “I could cut it off,” she said, leaning close. She wore an evil grin when she looked at me. “Shift.”

Standing behind her, I did as I was told, stripping and transforming into my incarnate form. His eyes couldn’t have gotten any wider, then he saw me. His glance bounced back and forth between Sarah and me.

“Your options are pretty limited,” Sarah told him. “You can let me cut it off, and I’ll let my friend here eat your hands, and you can live. This way I know you can never hurt another girl. Or… you could let me kill you.”

Sarah used the knife to cut a hole in his jeans and pressed the cold steel against the base of his organ. I flinched at the thought of it. She gave him a moment to think over his options before easing up on the mental hold, allowing him to talk.

He strained to whisper: “Just fucking kill me… you psycho bitch.”

“I thought you would say something like that. Just remember… I never promised it would be quick and painless.”

The man opened his mouth to scream, but Sarah gripped his thoughts and cut him short. All he could do was whimper.

Sarah turned to me. “Give me two hours Jason, then he’s all yours.”

I dressed in a hurry and left her to her mind games.

Tonight she seemed different as she sat down beside the man on the bed. Her mind seemed to be exactly where mine was. I was thinking about Verloren and Ashley and the weird earlier incident. For a few minutes she only stared at him. I sat, rocking back and forth in the chair, as I waited for her to decide if she wanted me to stay or not.

She spoke to him in a slow, sad voice. “I’m going to kill you, but before I do I’m going to tell you why.”

This was something new. I quit rocking and the room became quiet. The only sound was the terrified man’s breathing. The man looked straight ahead, and his breaths quickened. His already racing heart gained speed.

“I had a normal life once,” she started. “It might not have been perfect, but it was normal. I had two children — girls. I loved them with all my heart.” She reached inside her shirt and pulled out a locket on a thin chain that always hung around her neck. She opened it and showed him the contents. “Beautiful girls. Of course their father never helped, but I didn’t care, I had them.” She looked down at the locket before she closed it and tucked it back into her shirt.

I felt like I was intruding on something extremely private and debated whether to leave. Curiosity glued me to the chair. I wanted to see this approach unfold.

“A man came along promising me the world. I believed him. He was my knight in shining armor. What I didn’t see was that he was promising me his world, and in doing it, he destroyed mine. He didn’t tell me what he was… what I am now, and I hated him for it. In his world he was powerful, beautiful and strong, and no one ever told him no. He kept me locked away, only visiting me when he wanted pleasure. He fed me like a chained dog. He wasn’t my knight…” Her lip trembled as her eyes turned glassy. “… he was a tyrant king that stole my life and kept me from my children. He made me into a monster, just like him. Now I have to drink human blood to live.” She nodded her head at him. “I’m a vampire and I would love to do the world a favor by killing myself, but I can’t leave my children. You see… I can’t leave any possibilities that my girls could ever go through what I did and even though you could never come close to doing what he did, you could still destroy their happiness. It might not be my girls you’d do it to, but it would be someone’s little girl.”

She stared at him for a long quiet moment. Sarah turned her green eyes on me; I felt disgusted and guilty for being a man. I stared at the floor. What a dick thing to do. I wished she would’ve warned me, or told me to leave. Now I felt like a huge horse’s ass. I backpedaled, recalling women I’d known. Had I hurt any of them as deeply as that? I hoped not. I’d never struck a woman, but Sarah’s speech showed me cruel torture didn’t have to be physical.

As Sarah fed I turned the chair toward the desk and stared at the window. I wasn’t looking outside; I was just thinking. I hoped I’d never hurt Lex like that. I would have to talk to her. Lex was one of three gargoyles sharing the underground house with us. When I first moved here, Lex and I had a relationship. I’d been clear with her it was only sex and she’d agreed. Had I left her with any hard feelings? I didn’t think so. We’d hooked up a few times since, but it didn’t go beyond sex. Women were strange creatures. How could a guy tell if they were telling the truth or just stringing him along?

Sarah’s hushed voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Jason.” I turned the chair around to face her. She stared at me for a moment. “You’re a good man,” she whispered. “Don’t ever doubt yourself.”

She quickly left the motel room. Sarah always disappeared when I took over. I assume she was checking on her kids, but she never said so. With Sarah my policy was don’t-ask-don’t-tell. The wrong question would make her cry. She could get sentimental about stupid shit and was almost always touchy. I’d never met anyone who could swing from cruel to crying as fast as her.

I pushed everything out of my mind and got to work. I stripped the man and placed his body in the bathtub before taking off my clothes and throwing them in the corner. Whenever I shifted it felt as if my body was being thrown, like missing a descending stair on the way down. I glanced at my massive form in the mirror and ripped the body into pieces. My claws shredded his tissues, slicing like hot knives through butter. I swallowed whole chunks. I hated having to clean the intestines before I ate them and the liver always had a strange gamey taste. I would’ve left them, but we couldn’t leave any evidence. The bones always came last. I had to chew them up thoroughly and it took some time. There was a lot of snapping and popping as my canine teeth ground them into something I could swallow.

When I finished, my stomach felt like it was going to explode. I pulled on my body to shift back to human. What a fucking mess. What was left would have to be forced down the drain. I caught sight of myself in the mirror: blood up to my elbows, caked around my mouth, and down my naked chest. My stomach bulged, making muscle lines vanish. It would fall within an hour as my body converted mass into energy for my shift. I would burn through it quickly this time.

I used the man’s clothes to clean blood off the floor. We didn’t want to leave that. I showered, cleaned the tub, rinsed the bloody clothes and balled them up. I dressed and made sure I had enough cigarettes before I headed out of town. I left Sarah a note telling her I would meet her back home.

It had started raining a cold wet mist. It soaked me, but never really formed complete drops. I dropped the dead man’s clothes in a dumpster and walked through town heading in the direction of Ash’s emotions. I could feel that strange tug pulling me east, but Ash’s emotions drew me south. That’s where I went.

Once I reached the secluded woods outside town, I stripped, slipped my cigarettes and cell phone into my jeans pocket, and rolled them up. Cold and wet air hit my naked skin, giving me goose bumps. I shifted and fumbled with my belt as I strapped my jeans to my thigh. They were all I’d need to cover myself. I had more clothes at home.

I ran on all fours, covering a lot of ground quickly. I tore through the damp sword ferns and moss-covered brush, not caring if I left a trail. I had climbed quite a few hills and was deep in the forest when I sensed Ash’s position change. Still the tugging came from the east. I turned abruptly, throwing mud as my back feet tore into wet ground.

I changed direction, going down a large hill. I wasn’t sure which way I was headed, but I was going south of the pulling. That felt like the way to Ash. I pushed harder, running faster than I’d thought I could. When Ash moved again, I fell as I tried to turn, and mud covered me. I stood up and shook myself off.

What the fuck was Ash doing? I was panting hard, trying to catch my breath; I watched my exhalations burst out in thick clouds of fog. The misting had stopped and the night brightened.

A full moon climbed the sky. A gurgling noise came out of my mouth as I listened to her emotions. She didn’t want me to find her. Why?

I need to talk to you, Ashley. It’s important, I told her, hoping I was close enough for her to hear my thoughts.

I took off running toward her again. She was backing away, but more slowly this time. I kept repeating my message in my head, hoping she would stop when I got close.

Her emotional emanations strengthened. I pushed harder, as if I were going into the last sprint at the end of a race. I knew I was close.

Stop, Jason, she thought.

I slid through mud and into a fallen tree. The tree bounced off another and made a sickening thud as it hit muddy ground.

She had to be right here, I heard her mind and could feel her pain. I looked around, circling some trees, searching. I laid my nose to the ground to see if I could smell her. Her scent was different from any other, not stale like a vampire, or sweet like a human. Though it was faint here, it brought to mind cut grass, the ocean, and clean linen. I picked up a trace. I circled repeatedly, sensing that she was right beside me. The search was starting to irritate me. It was like picking a scab. I listened, thought I heard her breath, then nothing. Was she trying to piss me off? If so, she had succeeded.

Shit, I needed a smoke; I wasn’t used to all this running. My panting died down as I shifted back to human. The bundle strapped to my thigh fell down my leg. Now my clothes and I were caked in mud. The cold wasn’t so bad during my shift, but as a human my body recoiled from it. I fished around for my cigarettes and lighter, but as I lit up something moved behind me.

“Ash?” I whispered.

“What do you want, Jason?” She sounded aggravated.

Her voice came from above. I looked up and saw her perched on a branch high above me. Her hair should have shone bright white in the moonlight, but it was a ratted mess. She was muddy. She wore several layers, all puffed up and bulky—Verloren’s clothes. They didn’t fit her. She also wore the backpack she’d left with, and it reminded me of the wings that had occupied the same spot.

It was getting too cold for cold-blooded creatures like her, and she moved sluggishly. If she were to stay out here all winter she might send herself into hibernation.

She pulled the hood of her sweatshirt up, hiding her face. Her matted hair hung out the front like limp tentacles touching her waist. She needed a haircut.

“I need to talk to you,” I told her.

“Yeah, I kinda got that part. So talk.”

“Where have you been? I thought you said you were going to come home?” She sat unmoving. “Are you gonna come down here or do you want me to come up there?”

She didn’t respond. She was going to play this game, avoiding any questions she didn’t like. I knew I’d have to piss her off to get a response. I was good at that.

“What, are you afraid that if you get too close you won’t be able to keep your hands off me?” I took a long drag from my smoke, rubbed my chest, and made grunting noises.

With a vampire’s stealth she dropped from the tree. She stood up straight, keeping her head down and her face hidden.

“You’re so repulsive,” she said.

I walked toward her, laughing. She motioned me to stop, and I stood, shivering. In the broken moonlight her hand looked skeletal. I felt my face fall.

I took a few steps back and yanked my muddy jeans on. She wouldn’t look at me naked and I wanted to see her face. I threw my cigarette on the cold ground. My toes numbed in the icy mud, and I started toward her again. She backed up, buried her hands in her pockets, and bowed her head lower.

“Ash? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“I get the feeling you’re fucking lying to me.”

Why did she always do this? To love her was like trying to help a wounded animal. The animal would lie there, hurt and suffering, but when you extended your hand, the creature would snap, forcing you away.

I struggled to throw up a mental wall to keep her out of my thoughts. I didn’t want her to anticipate my move. Her body tensed, and she took her hands from her pockets. She was going to run. With her stubbornness I expected nothing less.

“Look, I just need to ask you about something,” I said, taking a tiny step forward. “I need you to look into my mind at something from earlier today.” I edged to within jumping distance.

“Really? Then why did you just shut me out?” she asked.

I saw what she was hiding. Her cheeks and eyes were sunken and her skin was tight against the bone. Her white skin was normal for a vampire, but her face was streaked with dirt. Her pitch black irises and nubby horns were a stark contrast to her skin. She was trying to kill herself by not feeding.

I jumped on her and knocked her to the ground. Even through all the layers of clothes I could feel her struggle. The backpack arched her spine unnaturally. She felt like a squirming stick as she growled. She punched wildly, but weakly, at my chest. I grabbed her wrists, slammed them into the mud beside her head. I felt her rage, and the strange sensation that warned me to avoid contact with the palm of her hand. One touch and I was dead — a trait she’d picked up from drinking the demon’s blood.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I yelled. “I thought we were beyond this shit!”

Her fangs glistened in the moonlight as she growled. She started kicking manically, as she threw thoughts at my mind. They thudded in my brain like a pulsing migraine. She was trying to use her mind to force me off, but I blocked her out.

“Answer me!” I roared, ignoring the pounding in my head.

She turned, burying her face in the forearm of her baggy sweatshirt. The mental blows stopped, but I wasn’t going to let her in my mind… not yet. She started sobbing.

“Fucking Christ, Ash,” I whispered.

“I can’t do it, Jason. I tried, but I can’t… without him.” She hiccupped, and continued to cry.

I couldn’t help but think that maybe finding your soul mate wasn’t a good idea. Look at what it had done to Ash. As her black tears slowed and she regained normal breathing, I looked at her broken face. The age-old question formed in my mind: Is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all?

“You know, this isn’t encouraging for me,” I said.

I struggled with the desire to embrace her. I wanted to hold her and take away the pain, but there was nothing I could do. She took a deep breath and looked at me. I gazed at her thin fingers and could still feel that she was pissed.

I won’t touch you, she told me.

I rolled off of her and sat in the mud. She struggled to sit up, but the backpack weighed her down. She wiped her face on her mud-caked sleeve.

“I came looking for you because you’re the one person that would know for sure.” I kept my wall up. “I wondered if it might upset you, but I guess that’s already fucking done.” I clenched my jaw. “It doesn’t matter what you see though. I’ve made up my mind what I’m doing, regardless.”

She looked at me confused. “Would you just tell me already?”

“If I let you in, do you promise you won’t get upset and run off? And… that you will come home.”

“I’m not making any promises.”

I was suddenly plunged into a world of regret.

I fidgeted with the gun that I physically couldn’t let go of. Behind the bars Fabi sat somberly as Verloren held Ash’s head against his chest. He ran his hands through Ashley’s hair as she cried. I could see the ugly scars on her back where the demon had amputated her wings.

Verloren gave me the sternest look, but his eyes were hollow. “You’ll take care of her for me, Jason,” he breathed.

“Yes.” My voice broke.

Ashley wailed, “No! You won’t leave me!”

“It will be okay,” He tried to soothe her. “Shhh. Over time you’ll forget.”

I’d promised Verloren I would take care of her. Now she was almost dead. It was a low blow and she knew it, but she didn’t care. She felt the pain of the memory with me.

“You really know how to bust a guy’s balls,” I told her. “You know you’re coming home with me, right? I don’t care if I have to drag your ass all the way home kicking and screaming.”

She huffed at me and crossed her arms.

“Don’t test me,” I said. “I’ll fucking do it and you know it.”

“Fine,” she said, aggravated. “What do you want me to see?”

“Just don’t run off, okay?” I said.

She hesitated and pursed her lips. “I won’t run off. Even if I did you would just chase me down and aggravate me to death. Which I’m sure is the more agonizing and painful way to die.”

I smirked. “You know me too well.”

I opened my mind reluctantly and pushed the fresh memories forward. Her face fell and her eyes searched mine franticly. A tear rolled down her face. Her breath caught and she lunged at me and wrapped her boney arms around me.

“Oh my god, Jason! You found her!” Ash cried out.

4 TORTURED SOUL

I pushed her away and blocked her from my mind. She didn’t need to see anything else. I stood up and dug in my pocket for another cigarette, lit it, and ran my fingers through my damp hair.

I paced for a moment, turned around, and stared at her. She looked wild, her hair matted with mud and moss. Her eyes were huge. A smile faded from her lips as she searched my mind.

“Why are you here? You have to go find her.” She looked up at me from the mud.

“No… I don’t.”

“What? What do you mean? You have to find her.” She looked confused.

“Why?” I asked, blowing smoke into the night.

“Because this is what you wanted, this is what you’ve been waiting for!”

“I thought it was, but I don’t anymore. Believe me… it will be better for her, and me, if we never meet again.” Still there was the tug.

“What? Are you insane?” she shouted.

She stood up, staggered, then her body went limp. I dropped my cigarette and caught her before she hit the ground.

“Shit!” I said.

I pulled her backpack off and laid her on the ground on her back.

“I just… feel… lightheaded,” she whispered. Her eyes swam and her lids drooped.

“Damn it Ash! You should have never done this. You need blood… right fucking now.”

I stood up and looked around. I had no idea how far we were from humans. If I rushed it, I could get caught. I clenched my jaw as her eyes refocused on me. I had blood and I could give it to her. I unbuckled my belt, stepped away from her, and started taking my jeans off.

“What are you doing?” she asked weakly.

“I don’t have a knife on me. Just, don’t move or lunge at me, okay? You have to lie still.” I shifted into my werewolf form.

“I don’t…” she whimpered.

Don’t move and don’t think about it. You can’t let your mouth touch the wound. Do you understand?

I thought about how her virus transformed humans into zombies. I wasn’t human and her virus was a mutated strain. There was no knowing what I would become if I was infected. I hovered over her. Her eyes swam as she tried to focus on my monstrous form.

I’m not drinking your blood, she told me. She swatted at me.

This isn’t up for discussion. Open your mouth.

She looked at me, hurt. Why won’t you let me die? It would be less of a burden for the both of us.

I growled low and gave her this thought: I will not betray him and I… care about you.

There was a long moment of silence and pain. It was more than the promise to Verloren to take care of her. I loved her and couldn’t watch her kill herself.

I’ll drink only if you tell me why you won’t go find her, she told me.

Drink first.

She let her mouth fall open. I raked my claw across my forearm, trying not to cut too deep. I held the wound above her mouth. It hurt like fuck, but she needed it. The blood was too slow. I ran the claw through the wound again, ripping deeper into the flesh.

Her breaths were quick and shallow. She dug her fingers into the mud. The blood filled her mouth and I tried not to spill any on her face. She pulled her feet up and I heard a soundless moan from her in my mind.

Then I felt the pull. It was a strange longing tinged with sexual desire. This was a power that all dragons had. Having experienced it before, I knew what to expect, and didn’t let myself give into it. But my ability to keep her out of my mind was slipping. She pulled her hands out of the mud, grabbed hold of my wrist, and tried to pull the wound to her mouth.

I lost control of my shift and turned back to my human form. I scrambled away from her and back into the trees. I licked my wound, trying to clean away the blood so she wouldn’t smell it. She sat up and her gaze followed me. I clamped my hand over the wound.

She was pulling me to her with the power of desire. I struggled internally as I yanked on my jeans. The pulling was like the one I felt for the tattooed girl. Ash had drawn me to her like this once before. I didn’t want to control myself any more then than I did now. I wanted to run to her and hold her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to give her what her body was craving, but I knew better. It was only a moment of weakness for her and she would hate me for it after… if I survived the vampire’s urge to feed while mating.

I shook my head, trying to clear my mind of desire. I needed to shut her out. I clasped my cut arm, focusing on the pain, and closed my eyes, leaning against a tree. I was breathing hard. Like any vampire, she wanted sex with feeding. That could’ve been disastrous and it was a close call I would never let happen again. I resisted her attraction.

“Ashley, please stop,” I moaned.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

I felt her cut the sensation, but it took a minute for my body to respond. I kept her shut off from my mind as I crept back to her. She rose stiffly, wiping spilt blood from her chin. Already she looked a little better, but real improvement would take time and a lot of feeding.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“Don’t beat yourself up. I was expecting it.”

Ashley shrank back, embarrassed, then noticed I was holding my arm. She grabbed her pack and dug through it. Pulling out a t-shirt, she ripped it into strips, and tied them around the wound. Her icy fingers felt good against the hot pain of the cut. She read my mind and laid her palm over the wound once it was bandaged. An awkward silence passed between us.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off me,” I said mockingly.

“You're such an ass sometimes, you know that?” She glared at me and let go of my arm.

“It’s what I do best. You ready to go home now?”

“First you have to tell me why you’re not going to look for her.”

I groaned and checked to make sure she couldn’t hear my thoughts prematurely. I thought before I spoke. Ashley was tougher than most girls, but I still tried to avoid the subject of Verloren in all our conversations.

There were no kind words for it, so I just blurted it out. “I don’t want to end up like you. More than that… I wouldn’t want her to end up like you.”

She flinched as my words sunk in. My chest ached from her hurt and she wrapped her arms around herself. As if on cue, the clouds blotted out the moon. It started misting again. Without the moonlight I couldn’t see her as well.

“If we never meet, we won’t know what we’re missing,” I said. “I’m not immortal, Ash, and neither is she. One of us will die. Where will that leave the other?” I searched her eyes.

Her face fell and she looked at the ground. Mist thickened into actual raindrops and the drops tapped lightly on tree limbs and earth. Ash shivered so badly it almost seemed like convulsions.

She finally spoke: “Why are you so scared of losing something you don’t have? If I could go back… I wouldn’t change a thing.” She bit her lip and furrowed her brow. “I traded my soul for a few months of pure happiness and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Rain washed away her tears as quickly as they appeared.

”You see yourself as trading your soul for happiness,” I said, “but to me, it looks like most of what you got was centuries of torture.” She flinched again. “We’re going home,” I said, walking into the trees.

When I was out of her sight I stripped and shifted. The dressing on my arm pulled tight as my body expanded. I grabbed my pants, stood on my hind legs and walked awkwardly toward her. I found her washing her face with the rain. I handed her my wet and muddy jeans. Shakily she folded them and opened her backpack. Inside I saw a large clear plastic bag: her notebook. Once I’d snuck into her apartment and read some of it. It was her memories of Verloren. I’d stopped after reading a passage or so. I’d been worried that her grief would turn into an obsession and thought of myself as only wanting to check on her. But after reading just a little, I’d realized what a personal intrusion it was.

Ash pulled the backpack on and looked at me. Her body tensed again from the cold and she shivered.

“We need to stop and pick something up before we go home,” she told me.

Don’t worry about your tent, I told her.

“It’s not the tent,” she said, pointing in the direction I’d come from.

Can’t it wait? You’re cold and you need to feed.

“It’s extremely important. That’s why I hid it from you.”

What is it? I asked.

“It’s probably better for you to see for yourself.”

Okay, lead the way.

“I’m exhausted, and cold, Jason, I don’t think I’ll be able to…” Her teeth chattered.

Well, I guess it’s time for me to give you a piggyback ride then, huh?

She eyed me, chuckling. I lowered to all fours as she laid an icy hand on my back. I squatted lower.

Come on. Like a horse, I told her.

She straddled my lower back, uncertain where to grip. My chest was too wide and my neck was too far up, so she settled on gripping my shoulders. She clung to me with freezing fingers, locking her feet around my waist. She buried her icy face in my back and my muscles tensed.

“Sorry,” she muttered, pulling her face away.

I know a really quick way you can get warm.

“If it involves me getting naked, forget it. You are such a pervert.”

Can’t blame a guy for trying. Now let’s get moving so I can get you home.

5 BEATEN PATH

“Slow down,” Ash told me as she gripped me tight. “It’s just beyond this hill.”

I could barely make it out in the dark, but I headed where she pointed me. The sooner she grabbed whatever she wanted, the quicker I could get her home and fed.

What would she be hiding from me, I wondered. What would be more important than her being fed? She could hear these thoughts, but she never responded. I bounced down the hill and barely made out a clearing. What was so damn important that she had to come back here? I should have just dragged her ass home, then come back another day when she was stronger.

There was a tapping of rain on the tent before I saw it. I stopped beside the shelter. Ash slid off my back and unzipped the tent. She looked back and forth, then stood and started franticly searching.

What’s the matter? I asked.

“Gone,” she whispered.

I could feel her panic. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something move behind a tree. I turned to look.

What was that? I thought.

“Abigail!” Ashley called out.

Abigail? What? There’s someone out here with you? I turned toward Ash and a small shadow slipped out from behind a tree. It approached us cautiously.

“I heard someone,” came a high feminine voice.

My eyes adjusted and my nose picked up the new stale smell. I felt my jaw drop. The little girl looked at me with pale eyes blending with her white vampire skin. Her dark hair hung in a mess to her shoulders. For a brief second I thought I was looking at a shorter version of… Verloren. The girl’s image in the moonlight conjured an odd distant memory.

I sat in the passenger seat of the Grand Prix and drummed the dash. It was late and the highway was deserted. The singer erupted with the song’s chorus; I mimicked him.

In my peripheral vision, a solid white hand grabbed the radio knob and turned the volume down.

“Hey!” I protested, glaring at Verloren.

His green-black hair fluttered in the breeze from the open windows. His pale blue eyes reflected the lights from the dash panel and a smirk played on his lips.

“Who sings that song?” he asked.

“From Atlantis.”

“Let’s keep it that way.”

“Fuck you; my singing isn’t that bad.”

Verloren laughed. I turned the volume back up and continued to serenade him.

Ash flinched at my mental image. “It’s okay, Abigail,” she said, reaching to the child. “This is Jason. He’s a werewolf. Remember I told you about them.”

The girl took Ash’s hand reluctantly, steering away from me. She clung to Ash, cowering into her side.

Ash chuckled. “He’s not going to hurt you, Abby.”

“I’m hungry,” the girl whispered. “I smell blood.” Then she turned her pale eyes on me and looked at my bandaged arm.

“We’ll get you something soon,” Ash comforted her.

Ash… where did you find her? She’s just a baby, I thought.

“I’m not a baby. I’m eleven,” Abigail countered.

Ash could let other people communicate through her mind, using it as a conference room for thoughts. When she did, it made her a hub for people to communicate wordlessly. Ash must have let the girl hear my thoughts.

Don’t let her hear me, Ash. Block your thoughts from her.

“I didn’t. She read your mind herself,” Ashley answered.

How? I asked, dumbfounded.

“Because I made her,” Ash said.

I just stared at her in shock. You have some serious explaining to do.

Promising to return soon, we left Abby in the tent. The rain died down to a mist and the moon lit our path.

After we’d moved outside Abigail’s thought range, Ash turned to me and spoke: “I know what you’re thinking…”

Ignoring formalities, I shifted back to my human form so I could rant. “What the hell, Ash? She’s just a girl! That’s fucked up. Is it because of the way she looks?”

She turned away from my nudity, pulled off her pack, dug out my jeans, and threw them at me. I pulled the wet pants over my soaked skin.

“I didn’t plan it! I would have never…! It just happened!” She stifled a sob.

“What the fuck were you thinking? She’ll never grow up. It’s… it’s obscene,” I growled, and pulled my muscles to keep from shifting.

Her head snapped toward my direction. “Don’t you think I know all of this? You want to talk about obscene… you don’t know how I found her.” Her face fell and a black tear rolled down her cheek.

She’d caught me off guard. The hurt and anger rippled through her, reflecting in me. I hated to see her in pain. I stepped closer, but she backed away. No, I thought. I want to touch her, to hold her, to fuck her.

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to clear my head. “What happened?”

“I smelled blood,” she whispered, looking up at the sky. “I made my way down to Portland. I was just kinda roaming, but trying to stay close to big cities so I could eat. I was in a really crappy part of town and it was late. I was hiding in the shadows, listening to people, trying to find the right person to rid the world of. You know how I am.”

She turned to look at me and the moon lit her painfully thin face. I saw the anguish in her eyes as she collected her thoughts.

“I knew what was happening, I could hear it in that monster’s head. I just didn’t know she was a child. I crept through a broken window. My hands were tingling like mad. He was probably dead as soon as I touched him, I was so furious. I pulled him off of her and snapped his neck. He had her all drugged up and out of her mind and… she was dying, Jason.” Ash looked away from me. She was crying again. “That sick fuck was cutting her while he raped her.” She took a deep breath and composed herself. “I was just going to kill her quickly and put her out of her misery, but she looked at me. I don’t think she really saw me, she was so out of it.” More tears spilled. “You know what I saw. The smell of the blood was too much, I was so hungry. I started to feed from her, but I couldn’t bring myself to kill her. If I did, I would have to smash her head… it would destroy her face. I knew I couldn’t do that… not when she looked so much like him. I figured it was too late anyway. She was going to die from her wounds and wake up like one of them and then I would have to destroy her. I filled her mind with things to comfort her from the pain. But she didn’t die. I watched as my bite healed and faded white quickly. Every wound on her slowly started to repair and fade white. Within a few days she had become what she is now.”

Ash wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “It made it that much harder to kill her. She looked so much more like him. Believe me, I feel horrible about it. I feel so bad it’s killing me. She’s a bigger reminder of what I don’t have than the apartment, his clothes, his music, or you…” She hesitated. “I keep her fed, but I can’t bring myself to eat. Not when I’m reminded of him every day. She makes me want to be with him more than ever.” Ash touched the stone necklace Verloren had given her. She chuckled. “She has fangs similar to mine and she doesn’t have the sensitive eyes. She inherited the mind reading from me.”

I struggled for the right words. “I don’t know what to say, Ashley. This is the reason you didn’t come home? Because of her? What were you planning… if you killed yourself who was going to take care of her then?”

“She may be a child, Jason, but she’s not stupid or weak. She can easily take care of herself.” She watched me. “I told her I was sick. I showed her the way to the house and figured—”

“What about her virus? Does it create…?” I asked.

“No,” she interrupted. “Her virus doesn’t make zombies.”

I sighed. “I’m just not real sure how well this is going to go over.” I hesitated as I thought about the reaction from the rest of the house. “I need to get you both somewhere warm.”

“Just me,” Ash said as she shivered. “She’s warm-blooded. That’s how I’ve managed this long in the cold.”

I nodded to her and twirled my finger to tell her to look the other way. She read my thoughts and turned so I could disrobe. We headed back toward the tent and Abigail met us outside.

“Grab your stuff,” Ash told the girl.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“To a new home. It’s filled with really nice people. You’re going to like it there,” Ash said.

“Does he live there?” Abigail inclined her head toward me.

Yes, I told her.

He doesn’t like me, she told Ash, but I understood her clearly.

She’s still learning about blocking certain people out, Ash told only me. Then she let me hear her response. It’s not that Jason doesn’t like you, he’s just not used to kids and he’s scared of how people might treat you since you’re not an adult. He’s just worried for our safety. I’ve told you what I did to you wasn’t right. You were too young.

Abigail nodded and it started to mist again, typical, temperamental Washington weather.

“So are you ready to race a werewolf?” Ash asked Abigail.

“Heck, yeah!” The girl bounced around with a huge smile. Her fangs gleamed in the moonlight before a cloud passed by. Abby grabbed her backpack and pulled it on.

It reminded me of the two of us riding on Verloren’s Hayabusa. Ash buried her freezing face in my back. I was running fast enough for the mist to sting my face. I tore into the mud and struggled not to slip. I had to slow down whenever the clouds covered the moon.

Abby ran mostly soundlessly beside me, giggling now and then. She was as stealthy as Ash.

After a while, lights appeared in front of me and to the left. I ran in that direction. I wasn’t sure exactly where we were, or how far away from home I was. I could hear tires on wet pavement and I slowed down to a walk. Ash sat up on my back.

“Highway 101.” She shivered. “You need to head south. There isn’t much coverage around that town. Stay east and head south.”

But you need to eat, I told her. I panted, trying to catch my breath.

Abby kicked at some stones and jumped up and down on a fallen log.

“Not here. There aren’t enough people. Besides it’s too late. You know how these small towns are. They shut up tighter than Fort Knox after ten pm. There is no way I would find anything without breaking into an innocent person’s home. I’ll get something from the fridge. We’re only about twenty miles from home,” she said.

I don’t think we have any at home. It’s just the three gargoyles, Hania, Sarah, and me. Coylene comes and goes. Since Fabi isn’t around to ride our asses, me and Sarah go out to eat.

“Gargoyles like Lex?” Abigail chirped.

Ashley laughed at her. “It is Lex.”

“Wow, I get to meet her?”

“You get to live with her, silly.” Ash turned back to me. “We’ll figure something out for food, but not here.” She clung to me again, trying to warm herself.

I did what she said and headed south to avoid the town. The cold rain let up, but there was still moisture in the air. Ash’s clothes were soaking wet and I wanted to get her home. I almost plowed down a herd of elk as I bolted through the trees. Abigail found that comical. After a while I cut over to the highway and headed due west. The moon made its appearance again and lit the way. None of it looked familiar, but I had to come across something. There were way too many large hills for me to be in the right place. Before I knew it I could hear the rush of the ocean. I edged over to the cliff.

Ashley perked up when I stopped. “Where are we?” Her teeth chattered as she spoke.

I looked around at the broken rocks and how the beach was arched. Strawberry Bay. We’re too far north. Hang on; I’m going to stay along the edge of the coast until we get to the beach. Nervously I asked her: You going to be okay with that? I knew how much the private beach reminded her of Verloren, but then again, she already had a constant reminder.

“How much further?” Abby asked.

The ocean air was a lot cooler and I started to worry about Ash’s body temperature dropping.

Yeah, I’m okay with the beach. Actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing it again, Ash thought. We’ll be there before you know it, Abby.

I could feel the ache in her chest as she thought about him. She lay on my back. Along the shore I leapt from one jagged rock to another. The cold wind bit at my naked skin and I felt her tense and shiver. I heard ocean waves, my breathing, the scrape of my claws against the rocks, and gleeful screams from Abby as she leapt on the rocks. I felt cool drops of water on my back and knew Ash was crying. Then it appeared. A few more large jumps and I was on the cliff where the beaten path wound down the cliffs to the beach. The opposite direction was the path leading home.

6 SIGHTLESS SEARCH

Ash slid off my back and faced the ocean. She stood as still as a statue.

Abby, could you run up the path a little way? I have to shift back, I told the girl.

Abby looked back and forth between Ash and me.

Go ahead Abby. Just for a few minutes. We’ll meet you there, Ash told her.

The girl disappeared down the path. I shifted back to human behind Ash. She stood watching the ocean. I unzipped her backpack, taking out my muddy pants. I pulled them on and waited for it: the moment when she would break down and I would have to carry her ass home. It never came.

“I can take her home if you need some time,” I told her.

She half turned to me. “No, it’s okay. I’m ready to go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to see it.”

She slipped past me and headed toward the underground house. I looked out over the cliff and shivered when the cold air rushed over me. I turned to follow her. We walked the distance in silence. The crash of waves faded, replaced by the rustle of wind through the trees.

Abby jumped out from behind a tree and yelled, scaring the shit out of me. I yelped, struggling to stay human, and growled at her. She laughed, taking in my full height in my human form.

“Holy cow! You are really tall,” Abby said.

“No, you’re just really short,” I half barked. I was still pissed that she had scared me.

The girl looked at Ash. He’s mean.

“I heard that,” I told her.

I marched past both of them and only looked back once to make sure they were following. They moved soundlessly. I spotted the right tree, crouched down under the roots and slid down into the concrete room. I felt a movement in the air behind me: Ash and Abby.

Dim light outlined the doorway at the bottom. It felt colder in the room than it did outside and the temperature dropped as we descended the stairs. Ash was right behind me, hidden by my tall frame, when I hit the call button. Abby hopped around at the top of the steps. I looked up at the red light where the camera was.

Josh’s voice boomed through the speaker. “The dog’s back and he’s all muddy. Someone grab the hose.”

“Open up,” I said.

Lex and Jenny laughed in the background. I stepped to the side so they could see Ash.

“Holy shit!” Josh yelled.

Gasps and frantic whispers were followed by the speaker cutting out. The lock shifted in the door.

Abby stood at the top of the stairs staring at us.

“Come on.” I motioned for her to follow.

I pushed the door open and warm air hit us. Ash and I entered the orange mudroom. The tiles were warm under my cold naked feet. I heard people approaching. Ash removed her backpack and sat on the floor. She started taking off her muddy boots. Abby lagged on the stairs.

The gargoyles busted through the door, their faces terrified. They looked at me, then at Ash’s frail figure struggling to get her shoes off.

Lex rushed toward her. “Oh my god, Ash!” She started helping her out of the ill-fitting layers of soaking wet clothes. “Josh, go run her a hot tub of water!” Lex cried. She looked at me. “Where’s Sarah? And what happened to your arm?”

Josh disappeared back into the game room as Lex pulled muddy clothes off Ashley. Ashley’s pale skin contrasted with Lex’s dark complexion, making Ash look that much more sickly.

“I left a note for Sarah at the hotel in Port Angeles before I went searching for Ash,” I told her and looked at my arm. “My arm… a hazard of hanging around fucking bloodsuckers.”

Lex and Jenny both gasped and looked at Ashley.

“I didn’t bite him. He cut himself to feed me.” She looked at the floor, embarrassed.

Lex barked at Jenny Chi: “Call Sarah’s cell, tell her we need food for Ash.”

Jenny’s long black hair whipped around as she ran back in the house. Lex had Ashley down to her t-shirt and jeans. Lex grabbed Ashley’s pants and started pulling on them. Ashley grabbed the waist of her pants and looked at Lex like she was crazy as her teeth chattered.

“Ash, you need to get these wet clothes off,” Lex said.

“No, not with him.” Ash nodded her head toward me, embarrassed, and shivered.

I laughed. “For fuck’s sake, I’ve already seen you naked.”

I had seen her naked quite a few times. If I hadn’t stayed and taken care of her after Verloren had died, she would have died too. She had tried the exact same thing after his death. She didn’t eat, she didn’t move, she didn’t take care of herself. I had to bath and feed her. No one else could handle her emotions; she had made everyone else feel her pain.

I pictured her naked. It was a mental image seared into my brain. She’d been healthier looking then and my mind wandered to her hidden body jewelry. Lex helped her to her feet.

Ash’s mouth dropped open as she huffed. “Jason Zurk!”

“What?” I asked her. Then I realized I wasn’t blocking my thoughts. I started laughing at her.

“You pervert!” she yelled.

“Hello, who’s this?” Lex asked, looking beyond me.

I turned and watched Abby step out from behind the door.

“Lex, this is Abigail Porter.” Ash motioned for Abby to come closer. “Abby this is Lex.”

Abigail looked up at Lex and then at Ash. She whispered: “She’s really pretty.”

Lex laughed nervously.

Abby looked up at me. “And she’s your girlfriend?” She asked like it was unbelievable. She turned back to Lex. You should get a new boyfriend. He’s mean.

“I heard that,” I grumbled.

“See,” Abigail told Lex.

Ash snatched up her backpack and stormed through the game room toward her apartment. She was still pissed about me picturing her naked and her hands were becoming lethal. Lex and Abby were on her heels. I followed behind them toward my own apartment. Ash shoved her door open and spotted Josh coming from the bathroom where he’d started her bath water. She glared at him just because he was a man.

“Out!” she yelled, pointing to the hallway.

Josh looked at Abby, confused, and threw up his hands in surrender, and edged around Ash. Jenny came jogging down the hallway. She almost fell over herself to stop when she spotted Abby. Jenny followed Ash, Lex, and Abby into the apartment. Ashley slammed the door. I caught a lot of ‘men are fucking perverts’ over the next hour.

I was glad I had hardwood floors throughout my apartment as I tracked mud everywhere. I trashed my jeans, showered, and then cleaned the floors. There was a lot of commotion when Sarah got home. I grabbed a few beers and sank into the black leather sofa. I fell asleep watching TV. I woke up to someone knocking on the door. With my eyes half open and stumbling, I flung the door open.

Trying to open my eyes, I recognized a faux hawk and the glint of a silver septum ring against dark skin.

Lex looked me up and down before she spoke: “Think you can eat twice in one night? We didn’t let Abby feed from the body.”

I followed her eyes and realized I was in my underwear. I was too tired to care and closed my eyes, almost falling asleep. I jerked my head up and my eyes opened.

“Can it fucking wait till morning? I’m exhausted from running. Why does it matter that Abby didn’t feed from the body?” I grabbed the doorframe above my head to keep me from swaying on my feet. I yawned and stretched.

“Because it might create another link if you cleaned up after the girl. She does have Ash’s telepathy,” Lex said, as she stepped closer to me.

I let go of the door and stumbled back. She came in and shut the door behind her. I blinked, trying to clear sleep from my brain.

She advanced on me again as I looked at her, dumbstruck. What was she doing? We were almost eye-to-eye. She ran her hands down my stomach and hooked her fingers on the waistband of my boxers. My mind cleared as it dawned on me what she wanted.

“Maybe I can help wake you up,” she whispered.

The first thing I realized when I woke up was that I was naked. I sat up and felt around in the dim red light of the alarm clock, which read after two. I wasn’t sure if that was middle-of-the-night or afternoon. I listened to the sounds from the game room and imagined it was the afternoon. Then it dawned on me why I was naked.

“Alexius?” I managed in a raspy voice.

No answer, I was alone. She’d already left. Shit. I thought about what Sarah had said. Was I causing Lex emotional damage with these one-night stands? If I was, this wasn’t the way I had planned on talking to her about it.

Great way to bring it up — fuck her, then ask her, ‘By the way, you’re still cool with me just using you for sex, right?’ I would have hell to pay if she wasn’t cool with it. I flipped on the bedside lamp and looked around the white room. I tried to let my tired eyes adjust by staring at the black furniture. I ran my hand through my hair and rolled out of bed.

I dragged out my morning routine in the apartment. I was stalling, trying to figure out a way to talk to Lex before I saw her. I listened to Ash’s emotions. She seemed in a decent mood. I think she was as about as happy as she was going to get — given the circumstances. I was hoping she wouldn’t fall into even more emotional pain now that she was here.

I couldn’t stay in the apartment all day. I stepped out in the hallway and listened carefully. The girls were at the pool. I looked down the hallway. Josh played video games by himself. I went that way, knowing I wouldn’t have to talk about anything stupid with him. We could just play video games without any of that girly shit.

When I got to the game room I found Hania at a table with a laptop. It was just the two guys. Good. But when Hania looked up from his typing, I knew I wasn’t going to get away clean. He eyed me and I knew he knew about the tattooed girl. I avoided looking at him.

I sat beside Josh on the sofa as he finished his game. I waited for him to tell me when to jump in.

“Jason,” Hania beckoned in his old fragile voice. He motioned for me to join him at the table. Shit, this is why I avoided the girls. I might as well start punching myself in the balls now. I sat beside him and his eyes lit up. He extended his hand. Once he laid his palm against mine he would be able to see my thoughts. It was similar to Ash, but she only saw what you were thinking or could remember. A born knowing would see every thought I’d ever had. I hadn’t let one of the born knowing in since Jessica had died. She was the redheaded witch who’d worked with Verloren and me at the store in Indiana.

I looked at Hania’s old, knobby hand, debating whether to touch it. If I didn’t he would probably cast a spell on me anyway and make me do it. I laid my palm down onto his and watched his face. A look of indifference fell on his wrinkled features and his eyes stared at nothing in particular. I could feel a slight pressure in my head as he looked around for the information he wanted. It never hurt, but it was an unusual sensation and made me feel vulnerable. When Jessica had probed me, I would think of vulgar and sexual things I wanted to do to her, just to get her to yell at me. That wouldn’t apply here.

After a few minutes Hania sat back. I looked at Josh, hoping he was too distracted to listen.

Hania closed his laptop. “It’s true,” he said quietly. “You found her.”

I looked at the table and took a deep breath.

“I think over time you’ll realize the harder you try to resist it, the stronger the pull will be,” he said.

I mindlessly touched my chest, acknowledging the aching sensation. Just as I had found Ash, I knew this feeling would lead me directly to the tattooed girl. I dropped my hand and looked at him. “I don’t fucking want it. Look what it did to Ash.”

“If you go to her, it would break the bond between you and Ashley.” He smiled crookedly. “At the risk of sounding cliché, love conquers all.”

”Yeah, right,” I said.

He chuckled. “Did you ever wonder why the demon didn’t infiltrate Verloren’s mind? He couldn’t. The demon could never force Verloren to do anything against Ashley because Verloren loved her. That’s why you still had your mind when Jesse was controlling you. You love her, it’s not a hundredth of the love that Verloren had for her. But you do love her… just like you love Lex.”

I glanced at Josh, just as a warning to keep silent. He didn’t seem to have heard.

Hania chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s not like that. There are so many varying degrees of love that you kids don’t understand. You loved Verloren too. That’s one of the many reasons you can’t let go of Ashley. You see him in her. You see the same void that she does, the place where he should be, right beside her. Now both of you see him in Abby. What Ash did to that girl was wrong, but I can’t condemn her. She’s given Sarah back her title of ‘mother’.”

“So no one is freaking out about that?” I asked.

“At first it was a heated topic, and then Sarah came home,” Hania said.

Silence was filled with the sounds of the video game and the tapping of Josh’s fingers on the buttons of the controller.

“Do you think Verloren will come back?” I asked.

“That, I don’t know. Only time will tell.” He hesitated. “But until then, I see you’re determined to fill that void for Ash, even if she won’t let it escalate to a physical level. In the process you are going to sacrifice a happiness that can’t be put into words. Jason… he might not come back. We might as well say that he is not coming back and kill all hope. Where does that leave you? Old and dying like me, and Ashley will still have not moved any closer to death. She will be left with another, but different, void when you’re dead. Who will fill it then?”

“Exactly,” I said. “Who is going to take care of her if I leave? She’ll die. Look what happened in a few months. And what about me and this girl, what happens when one of us dies?” He sat unmoving. I pointed toward the pool. “The same thing that happened to Ash.” I crossed my arms and glared at him.

“What is happening to Ashley is different. When you are immortal, and you know you are never going to find your soul mate again, it’s devastating. With us who get reborn, we know we will find the other again. It might not be in the next life, but it will happen again. It is never going to happen again for her. It will for you. You’re an idiot if you deny yourself in this life. In time you’re going to die, Jason, and when you’re reincarnated you will forget all about Ashley. Eventually, you’ll run into your soul mate in another life. It’s a continuous cycle.”

“If it is going to happen again, then I’ll wait for next time,” I said.

“I think you’re a stubborn idiot who’s scared to commit,” he told me with a smile.

I laughed at him and shook my head. “What the fuckever, old man.” I stood up and headed toward Josh.

“Jason,” Hania called.

I turned to him, annoyed.

“You’ll never find it if you’re looking for it.”

“I’m not fucking looking for her!”

“Exactly.”

For an instant I saw the youth in his wrinkled face. “You talk in fucking riddles, old man.”

I sat beside Josh. Hania chuckled as he released the latch on the laptop. I snatched up the controller and glared at Josh as he restarted the game. I wasn’t mad at Josh, but I was worried he might repeat whatever he’d heard. He glanced at me then back to the screen.

Josh said: “I didn’t hear anything… and your snack is in the dudgeon.”

7 MIRRORED SUFFERING

I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of going to the dudgeon. I might cross paths with Lex. But I needed to clean up Ash’s mess before it started to smell and taste bad.

As I walked down the hallway I heard the girls splashing and giggling in the pool. They had a radio blaring Fly Leaf. Maybe they were too busy fucking off to notice me.

I peeked around the doorframe. On the other side of the glass wall three heads bobbed above water: Lex, Jenny, and Ash. I focused on the door across the basketball court. I started across, paying no attention to them. Halfway across the court, the only sound was the radio. Great. Now they’d start talking about me. Lex mentioned the incident at the bar. Then came Ash’s thoughts: Leave him alone. He’ll go to her when he’s ready.

No I won’t, I thought.

I opened the door to the gym and realized I was grumbling under my breath. I weaved through the dusty gym equipment. None of it had been used since Cory died. Maybe we should get rid of this shit and use the space for something else, I thought. A hot tub would be fucking awesome.

I went down the hall to the holding cells. The body was in the first cell. I stared. A girl. A dead girl, with her head destroyed, but still a girl. Sarah had brought Ashley a girl? Sarah never fed off girls and it surprised me she would bring one for Ash. It didn’t make a difference to me one way or another. A dead body was a dead body — regardless of what sex it was.

I picked up the body and headed back to my apartment. When I got to the exercise room I was met with silence. No radio, no voices. I passed the glass wall. Everyone was gone. Good. I really didn’t want Jenny and Lex watching me lug a dead body around like a sack of potatoes. My eating habits weren’t something I wanted incarnate girls to see. The thought was usually disturbing to everyone other than werewolves and vampires. You had to have a different mentality, and most people couldn’t wrap their minds around it.

When I reached the top of the stairs, I saw Lex wrapped in a towel, leaning against my apartment door. She had her head down and her arms crossed. Fuck, this wasn’t really the greatest time to have this discussion. I looked at the dead body. I couldn’t hide it, but then again, she’d seen it before. She opened the apartment door for me. I took the body straight through the bedroom and dumped it in the bathtub. Lex followed me.

I turned and looked at her. She didn’t look upset, but who knew with females.

“I’ve just come to clear things up,” she said, leaning against the doorframe. “Jason, you’re a good looking man, and an excellent lover. I figured that last night might be the last time we could be together… you know… before you took off after your soul mate.”

I felt a tug in my chest at her two last words. I looked down at the broken body in the tub.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I told her, ignoring the tug.

“You will… eventually.”

“Everyone seems so fucking sure they know what I’m going to do.” I shook my head, tensed my body, and held tight to my human form. Their assumptions were pissing me off and I wanted to prove them all wrong. Even if I wanted to go to her, I wouldn’t.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Anyway, you know girls; we talk. I just wanted to reinforce that anything between us was, and is, strictly physical. I would be happy to see you find her.”

“You mean to say… Sarah talks,” I said.

She smiled as her eyes ran over me. I looked at her wet faux hawk. It was crooked. I placed my palms on either side of it and ran them up to straighten it. Her coarse hair didn’t need any crap in it to make it stay. I dropped my hands and looked into her eyes.

She grinned. “There are absolutely no hard feelings. I only wanted sex.”

A fire ignited in me. She was back for more. I grinned stupidly, then grabbed the front of her towel and pulled her to me. I placed my hand on the small of her back, holding her against me. Our faces were close but she didn’t move. She seemed to dare me to go on.

Finally she leaned forward, breathed in my ear, and whispered, “I think you should save it for her.” She pulled back. “She’s going to have her hands full with you.”

As she turned to leave, I said: “Come on… you said I was an excellent lover.”

“We’re not doing this now,” she said.

“How about now?” I joked with her.

She stopped in the doorway with a look of playful contemplation on her face. “Mmm… no.”

“What about now?”

Lex rolled her eyes at me. “No.”

“Damn it!”

“Good bye, Jason.” She left.

As she shut the door I growled and ran my hands through my hair. Women are fucking insane, I thought, and I live with four of them. One’s suicidal, one’s a man hater, and another’s turned into a tease.

The only woman living here who seemed halfway sane was Jenny and that was probably because I didn’t talk to her much. Jenny gave me the cold shoulder every time I hit on her. I was sure if I got to know her, she would turn out to be schizophrenic too.

“Women,” I said aloud, and looked at the dead girl in the tub.

I went through the same old song and dance of consuming the body, leaving the few parts I hated. I dumped her clothes in my trash but the other stuff would stink. I gathered up the bloody mess and put it in a plastic sack. I would take it outside and dump it in the forest. There it would decay or be eaten by other animals.

After I cleaned up I grabbed the bag and headed outside. Winter was coming and it seemed to be raining nonstop. At the moment, it was still only misting. When I jumped up through the tree I got my pants muddy. What was the fucking point in showering if I was just going to get dirty or rained on?

When I’d walked a short distance I spotted Ash sitting on a fallen tree. She looked better, but she had a ways to go before she was healthy. Her hair was clean and white again. She’d cut it to a length just below her shoulders. She pushed it back behind her nubby horns. She’d dressed in Verloren’s clothes. They hung on her sickly thin frame, but her face looked less sunken than before.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked her. “You should be inside where it’s warm.”

“I’m waiting on Sarah and Abby to come back. Sarah’s working on donations again and went to pick up Coylene, the born knowing, since she can draw the blood and make them forget at the same time. It’s probably better for Abby to learn to eat this way, so she doesn’t have to live with the conscience of a killer. Besides, we’re not real sure if it could create another connection for a werewolf to clean up after her.” She receded into her own thoughts for a moment, then changed the subject. “I like the way it smells out here after the rain,” she said, looking up at the trees.

I lit a cigarette in silence and tried to block my thoughts from her. I opened the bag and flung the contents as she watched. I glanced at her. Until she gained her curvy figure back, I would often mistake her for Sarah.

“Leaving your hair white?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“You colored Abigail’s?”

She gave a small laugh. “No. Her hair is naturally black; it didn’t change when she turned.”

“Hmm,” I replied.

Sarah only did the one-day color stuff for hunting. Ashley didn’t like to color hers at all, keeping it natural. She was a down-to-earth kind of girl. I liked that. Prissy girls with their ton of makeup and done-up hair and nails were nice to look at and fuck, but I wouldn’t want to keep one. They were too expensive, too conceited, and too much hassle.

Ash played with her stone necklace and I thought about what Hania had said about filling Verloren’s void. I couldn’t deny that I loved Ash and I found her attractive when she wasn’t starving herself. But it was impossible for me to physically love her. The only way I could let go of her would be if I knew she had someone to take care of her… someone immortal.

She was obviously looking for some sort of companion. She’d made Abby. But how long was it going to take for her to let go of Verloren? I could tell that she cared for Abby, but it wasn’t love. She only liked to have the girl around because of her appearance. It was a small step for Ash. But when was she going to find someone she loved enough to start another relationship?

She needed a real companion, someone who would take care of her after I died. I didn’t want her to finally off herself after my best efforts to keep my promise. How could I be sure she would be safe forever unless… I was immortal?

Ash glared at me. Shit! When did I let the wall slip? I blocked her again.

“No,” she said.

“No what?” As I threw down my cigarette, I kept my head down, trying to avoid her stare. Finally I glanced at her.

“Your thoughts were heading in a dangerous direction,” she said, shaking her head.

“What direction was that?”

“You envy abilities you don’t have. You’ve been curious from the start as to what my bite would do. You want to stay with me… but I won’t turn you.”

A silence fell. It was as if the world had realized my plan and was shocked, waiting for one of us to make a move.

My voice seemed unusually loud. “Who else could love you as much for eternity?”

She flinched and her mouth fell open. “I can’t believe you’re considering this, Jason. I had my soul mate and he’s gone. You can’t take his place. Besides, your soul mate is out there waiting for you. Are you going to leave her hanging? If I saw him again…” Words caught in her throat as her fingers found the necklace. “…there would be nothing in this world that would stop me from being with him.”

“Damn it, Ash, you and Sarah with those fucking necklaces of terror.” She dropped her hand. “He’s not here, Ash,” I argued, “and he’s never going to be here. You’ve fucking lied to me to make me think you were moving on, but you’re not. You say no one can take his spot, but look what you tried to do with Abby. You’re going to have to move on and, eventually, you’re going to have to settle for second best.”

“And you would settle for second best because that’s what I would be to you?”

“Yes,” I said arrogantly.

“You’re so stubborn, you know that?” She huffed.

“I’m fucking stubborn?” I laughed. “He’s not coming back, Ash! And you would rather torture yourself forever than let go!” She stood up and I hovered over her, showing her the sincerity in my mind. “I love you, and I know you love me… it may not be the love that you had for him, but we can build it to make each other happy. We can learn to live with each other, but you won’t allow it. Who’s stubborn?” I could feel the air changing around her hands.

“I love you enough that I don’t want you to become a monster like me,” she said.

Anger surged through my body. “Newsflash, Ash: I fucking eat human beings. I’m already a fucking monster!” I tensed my muscles as my body threatened to shift.

“But you can stop, Jason! You can walk away from all of this and go back to living a normal life! I can’t!” She clenched her fists.

“Normal? How the fuck do I go back to normal after this? Could you live as a human knowing how many of them you’ve killed?” I took a deep breath, struggling to stay human. “Just… change me. It doesn’t have to be about sex. I don’t care what it does to me; I can take care of you forever.”

“I can take care of myself.” She moved past me toward the tree.

“No you can’t. Have you even looked in a fucking mirror? You turned an innocent child into a monster, and I’ve been waiting here the whole time.”

She stopped, but didn’t turn. “I screwed up with Abby… but she has Sarah now, and Sarah will love her the way she deserves.” She shook her head. “It’s just the virus, Jason… if we weren’t connected, you wouldn’t even think twice about me.”

“Goddamn it, Ash! Don’t try to tell me what I feel isn’t real. That’s a bunch of bullshit and you know it.”

She dropped her head and sighed.

“Ash, please,” I whispered.

She looked at me. “What do you want from me, Jason?”

“I want you to love me the way that I love you.”

“What about her? What happens when you run into her again? You’ll leave me.” Her eyes danced over my face. “Love isn’t something you shop for. You can’t just wake up one day and decide who you do and don’t love.”

“I didn’t choose this. I do love you.”

“But not like you think… you’ll always love her more.”

I winced at the tug in my chest.

“See?” she said. “It won’t go away. All of the pleasure, from every woman you’ve ever been with won’t compare to what you’ll find with her.” She headed back to the tree.

“If you’re too scared to, I could have Sarah do it. Her virus is the original.”

She stopped to glare at me. “I won’t allow it.”

“You’re not in charge, no one is! The Quatre is dead! There are no more rules! I’ll do whatever the fuck I want!” My body shuddered as I kept a grip on my human form. Her rejection made my blood boil.

She watched my face carefully. Oz.

The tug was strong and physical. I took a step to steady myself and looked at Ash. A single black tear rolled down her cheek.

“If you really love me, you’ll go to her,” she said.

Ash ran toward the tree and I growled loudly. I let the shift take hold as vertigo filled me. I was suddenly on all fours as pieces of cloth dropped around me. Ash disappeared beneath the tree, and I unleashed a roar. Then I ran.

8 THE STRANGER

Running always took my mind off things. Some people got mad and fought, some got mad and screamed. I got mad, turned into a werewolf, and ran. There was something soothing about running through the forest, leaping and jumping off overgrown trees and sword ferns. It was freeing to be what I truly was and not think of anything else.

I ran down to the beach. I knew Ash wasn’t going to follow. When I ran out onto the wet sand no one else was there. The tide was receding and I sat in my werewolf shift and watched the water as it rolled onto the beach. I wanted to enjoy a few minutes of solidarity with the sea.

I watched the waters churn for a long time. After a while I felt a strange sensation, as if I were being watched. I looked back toward the path up the cliff, then across the beach. I didn’t see anyone. Then I looked out at the broken rocks stretching from the shore.

A girl was on a rock, close to the water’s edge. Beautiful seemed like an insult. She was much more. The girl posed seductively on the rock and dipped her oddly shaped hand in the water. Was she wearing strange gloves? She looked up at me with large brown doe-like eyes. Her dark brown curly hair fell over her breasts and down to her waist. I’m sure that any other time I would have studied her nude body, but I couldn’t take my eyes from hers.

The sound of the ocean seemed to change, as if my heart was beating with the waves. The sound filled my head and body.

I wasn’t aware I had shifted back to human until the cold air hit my naked skin. Even then, I ignored everything around me and could only focus on the girl.

She moved slowly, but deliberately, as she sat up and slipped her feet into the water. Icy water washed over my feet and I tried to look away from her. I wanted to look at my feet to see why they were getting wet. It dawned on me slowly that I was walking into the water toward her.

The rhythmic beat in my head was broken by an annoying buzz. I ignored it and treaded into the water as it washed higher up my leg and numbed my knees.

The buzz was getting louder. Suddenly, a gargoyle dropped in front of me and spread its wings, blocking my view of the girl. I saw the silver ring and knew it was Lex. Goose bumps covered her flesh around her swimsuit top as she shivered.

“Snap out of it, Jason!” Lex’s shifted voice was loud and deep.

I flinched as I realized the ocean and I were two separate beings. A hiss sounded in the distance and Lex turned to look at the girl. I stole a glimpse as she dropped her wings.

The girl now stood on the rock, crouched, ready to attack. She bared shark-like teeth and spat in Lex’s direction. The strange gloves were fins webbing the distance between her abnormally long fingers. It was the same between her toes.

The strange woman calmed herself as her large brown eyes fixed on something beyond us. Two long slits opened just under her jaw on either side — gills.

“Goddamn it!” Lex barked. “Get out of here, you stupid bitch!” Lex leapt toward the girl.

The girl hissed again and dived into the water.

“Get out of the water, Jason!” Jenny yelled from behind me.

I hadn’t known Jenny was there as I stood naked in the ocean. I shifted back into my werewolf form and ran out of the water. Lex landed on the beach. I hid behind a rock. I shifted to human. My feet were so cold they hurt. I peeked over the edge of the rock.

“What the fuck was that?”

“A mermaid,” Jenny said.

“I thought I spotted her last week,” Lex grumbled, as she folded her wings. “I should have warned everyone. No one comes to the beach alone anymore.”

“I thought they stayed more to the south, in warmer water,” I said.

Lex sighed. “Yeah, that’s why I wasn’t sure. She would have killed you, Jason. You’re an easy target.”

“What do you mean an easy target?” I asked, insulted.

“Because you’re a horny man,” Jenny said, almost disgusted.

“Not because he’s a man,” Lex growled. “She would have gladly eaten anyone she could seduce. It’s all a mermaid does… screw and eat.”

Jenny blushed.

“So dragons aren’t the only creatures that lure you in?” Lex grinned crookedly at me.

Jenny shifted to her gargoyle form and flew away.

“What are you implying, Lex?”

“Just what everyone already knows. Ashley turns you on. That’s part of being a dragon. But no matter how bad you want to be with her, you can’t, because she’s a vampire.” Lex opened her wings.

“What if it’s not the dragon part of Ash that is pulling me? Have you thought about that? Have you considered I might actually care about her?” I sneered.

“God, this is only getting worse every time you feed after her,” she mumbled. “Get your ass off the beach, and don’t come down here alone anymore. Next time I’ll let the psycho beast eat you.”

“Thanks,” I said as she flew off.

It never took Ashley long to get over being mad at me. She was more forgiving than everyone else about my inability to keep my mouth shut. Whenever we had a disagreement, it never took more than a day to get back to the normal.

In the months that followed, Sarah brought Ashley more than enough blood to nurse her back to health. Sarah had also taken Abigail under her wing, falling right into the mother role. Donations were the only way the girl ate. Ash had let her kill when it was just the two of them, but no one thought it was quite right to have an eleven-year-old murderer on their hands.

I didn’t bring up the topic of becoming a hybrid again. I figured I would let Ash think it over in her own time; which meant slowly. Immortality gives you plenty of time to make decisions, but the immortal doesn’t always consider mortal time.

Winter dragged by and Ash regained her health. There was no mistaking her for Sarah now. As Ash’s hips and chest swelled, it grew harder for me to keep my eyes off her. Hiding my feelings became impossible, but it wasn’t something we discussed.

Lex and I were on good terms, but she kept her promise and never stopped at my apartment. I got antsy. I took solo trips away from the house to satisfy my needs with random girls who would have me. But when I slept with a woman it was empty, and never quite enough. I tried not to think about the growing tug in my chest. As much as I hated to admit it, Hania was right. It was becoming harder to ignore.

Sarah told me Oz had lived here once, before I arrived. I wanted to ask Josh about her, but I didn’t want to seem eager. I was determined to prove them all wrong. I had it set in my mind that I was going to stay here, and wait for Ash to accept my offer.

Every day the tug grew. It always came from the east — one more reason to ignore it. I loved the west coast; there was nothing east but flat farmland. I was still convinced I was not going to look for her, but I had to remind myself every day. She was the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing when I fell asleep. I had strange dreams of her, but I could hardly remember them later.

One May afternoon, close to the second anniversary of Verloren’s death, I sat in the game room, playing a new video game with Josh. Hania, Lex and Jenny were in the kitchen. Abigail was watching Sarah and Ashley play a horrible game of billiards when the buzzer sounded. I looked at the other television and saw an unrecognizable figure.

“Hold up, pause it,” I told Josh.

“You’re still going to get your ass kicked when you get back,” Josh taunted.

Ash looked at me. We hadn’t planned on anyone showing up, and after the incident with the demon, we were more cautious about letting in strangers. I watched him and Ashley did the same. I shrugged. Sarah didn’t seem concerned.

“Hey guys,” I called. “We got a visitor.”

Josh studied the screen. “Never seen him.”

Ashley turned her head slightly as she listened to the man’s thoughts. “Human, scared, and confused. That’s all I’m picking up. His thoughts are too frantic.”

Sarah walked over to Abby, obviously regarding this visitor as a free meal. I wondered how he’d found us. The other three came in from the kitchen. Hania hung onto Lex’s arm as they shuffled across the game room. I returned my attention to the man on the screen. He glanced around, and shook as he pushed the button.

The other three shook their heads as they watched him fidget.

I pushed the button and spoke: “State your business.”

The man flinched. “Uh… I got a phone call from someone that gave me directions to this place.”

“Who called you?” I asked.

“I… I… don’t know. It was a guy. He called my house and told me I needed to come here. He told me to climb under this tree… I didn’t know it was going to be that far of a drop. I think I screwed up my ankle. He didn’t give me much information. It was a couple of weeks ago. I thought it might be a prank, but I figured I would come check it out, but now I can’t get out.” His eyes darted this way and that.

“What are you?” I asked.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

I let go of the button and looked at Josh. “He’s human all right.”

Josh furrowed his brow. “I say let him in. I’ll go grab the gun and we’ll have some fun.”

Josh disappeared and returned with my old Desert Eagle 500. We probably wouldn’t need it. Either one of us could snap the guy’s neck like a toothpick. The gun was security in case he had a weapon, or we might use it to scare the shit out of him. I grinned to myself.

“Lex, give us about ten seconds once we close the mudroom door, and then let him in,” I said.

Josh and I hurried into the mudroom and I closed the door behind us. Giggling like a girl, Josh aimed the gun at the outer door. I had my hand on the handle waiting for the click. Ten seconds felt like an eternity. Finally the lock clicked open.

I pulled the door open, grabbed the guy by the throat and dragged him in. He stumbled as he tried to keep up with me. I slammed him up against the wall. Josh was beside me with the gun aimed at the man’s head. The guy was a few inches shorter than me. He had a shaved head with dark stubble. His eyes were a lighter shade of brown than mine. He looked to be a couple of years younger than me. The man had a similar build, but he was much weaker. His eyes bounced between me and the gun, as he held his hands up in surrender. His body trembled with fear — scared shitless.

“Who are you?” I asked, loosening my grip on his throat.

He coughed, and said: “M-m-my name is J-Ja-Jack Xavier.”

“Sounds like a fucking superhero’s name,” Josh said, glaring at the guy.

“What’s your real name?” I yelled in his face.

“Th-th-that is my real name,” he replied.

I told Josh: “Fucking human and weak. I’m surprised he hasn’t pissed his pants.”

Josh laughed and I let go of the guy. When he put weight on his right foot he almost fell. He balanced on his left and leaned against the wall. I backed away from him and Josh followed my lead. Josh kept the gun aimed at Jack’s head.

“How did you find this place?” I asked.

Jack panted: “I told you… I got a call…”

“Start from the beginning,” Josh said, waving the gun.

“Okay, okay.” He held his hands up again, and tried to catch his breath. “About two weeks ago, I got a call on my home phone. It was some guy…”

“Who?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” Jack looked at me. “He was talking fast. He told me to grab a pen and paper and write down some coordinates. He said that once I got there, I needed to go under the large tree that had the ground hollowed out under it.”

Josh and I looked at each other. It was someone who had been here, or was in the know.

“Where did the call come from?” Josh asked.

“I don’t know, I don’t really use the land line, and I don’t have caller ID,” Jack stammered. “B-but I could hear someone else in the background. The guy started to tell me something. All I really understood was ‘tell her’ then there was some commotion and the line went dead. At first I thought it was some kind of prank my friends were playing on me, but they swore it wasn’t them. They told me about this game that some people play, where they hide various objects and give out the coordinates, like a scavenger hunt, so I thought what the hell. I borrowed a buddy’s GPS and ended up here.”

“And you’re human?” Josh asked.

“What else would I be?” Jack asked, looking back and forth between us.

Josh and I looked at each other, wondering who sent him.

“You don’t know anything about this place, or why you’re here?” I asked.

“I told you everything I know… I swear.”

“We’ll give him to Hania,” I told Josh.

The guy started panicking. “Look man, I-I’m sorry, I won’t say shit if you just let me go home. I don’t want any trouble. I didn’t know…” He hobbled forward.

Josh laughed at the guy and lowered the gun. “Don’t worry, dude. We’re not going to hurt you.”

He hobbled another step.

“We should get him to the sofa and have Hania take care of his ankle. We could get a donation from him, then Hania can set him up to go home,” I said.

“Donation?” Jack said, terrified.

“Don’t worry,” Josh told him. “It’s nothing bad. Don’t be such a chicken shit.” Josh laughed as he slid the gun into the waistband of his pants.

I helped Jack into the game room and got his shoe off. We would have Hania cast a spell to make him forget, then send him on his way. His ankle was swollen and possibly sprained. Jack retold his story to Lex, Jenny, and Hania. His eyes danced around at the game room.

We all looked at each other, wondering who he was, and who’d sent him. What were we going to do if someone started sending strangers in? Especially humans? I didn’t want to move, but this could compromise our home.

Ash and Sarah whispered to each other in the kitchen. They were in there with Abby, hiding from Jack. Hania sent Jenny after a few things. Jack watched us and I sat down opposite him.

When Sarah popped her head out the kitchen door Jack saw her. She didn’t have her hair colored or any makeup. Jack lurched off of the sofa and fell to his knees. He was more scared than ever.

“Jenny! Fucking hurry!” I yelled.

It happened quickly. Ash cried out. I took in Sarah’s astonished expression as her bottom lip began to tremble. Jack started crawling toward her on his hands and knees. I jumped forward and grabbed the guy’s good ankle and pulled him back. Sarah and Jack let out a cry in unison.

“No, Jason, let him go!” Ashley bawled from the kitchen.

I could hear Ash sobbing and Abby was whimpering. Jack crawled closer to Sarah. My chest ached from Ash’s emotions. Sarah rushed toward the human, embracing him as she let go tearless sobs. Jack buried his face in her snowy hair.

Jenny ran in, her hands full of witch paraphernalia. She stopped and took in the scene.

“Soul mates,” Hania whispered.

“Holy shit!” Josh replied. “Sarah Rhodes… I never thought I would see the day.”

Jack pulled back from her and stared into her eyes. He kissed her softly. I turned away from their private moment. The first face I saw was Lex’s as she smiled at me.

This was what I was missing. I could have this if I found Oz. I knew it, Lex knew it, and so did everyone else.

Abigail appeared in the doorway and watched, confused. Lex motioned for Abby to join her and the girl silently moved past the couple. Lex took her hand and led her down the hall. The girl was about to learn of something she would never have.

If Ash’s virus mimicked the vampire virus, Abigail was never going to grow into an adult. She might find her soul mate, but trapped in a child’s body, how could she have a relationship? The thought seemed obscene.

I got up quietly, passed the two kneeling on the floor and went in the kitchen. I found Ash gripping the edge of the sink as water trickled from the faucet. She cried quietly. She cupped water in her hands, splashed it on her face, then wiped her cheeks with a towel.

A long-missing happiness radiated from her. She turned to me. Washing her face had been pointless; again black tears streaked her cheeks. She stared at me silently.

You would throw that away for eternity? she asked.

I felt the tug in my chest again. My thoughts became a jumble. I felt the happiness through Ash and the forceful tugging. My body was ready to run out the door and head east. Was I willing to throw it away to take care of Ash? Was I really willing to settle for second best?

I could have what was in the other room, but it could lead to what was standing in front of me. I could end up a broken person, praying for death, and feeding off of other people’s happiness. Or worse yet, Oz could end up that broken person. I didn’t want that. I pushed Oz out of my mind.

“I would do anything for you, Ashley,” I said. “I would be… whatever it is I need to be, just so you can be happy again.”

“You’re here for me. Isn’t that enough?”

“No, because being here for you isn’t making you happy.”

I listened to the group in the other room as they helped Jack up onto the sofa. The long explanation started. Ash hid her face behind Verloren’s sweatshirt hood and rushed from the kitchen. I needed a cigarette. I sat down at the table and looked at the bar. I knew what I was doing tonight.

Josh walked into the kitchen and headed straight to the fridge.

“Isn’t that some shit,” Josh said. “The man-hater has a man.”

He grabbed a tray of ice from the freezer. He must have sensed the tension, because his smartass demeanor wavered. He opened a cupboard door, grabbed a large plastic bag, and made a homemade ice pack.

Could Josh tell me more about Oz? Did I really want to know?

“Yeah,” I forced a chuckle. “Talk about a one-eighty.”

“What about you?” he asked, fishing a clean towel from a drawer.

Feelings weren’t what Josh and I usually discussed. He was probably curious as to whether or not he was going to lose his video game partner.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged.

He wrapped the bagged ice in a towel. “You gonna look for her?”

“I don’t know anything about her.”

He leaned on the counter. “Oz is really cool. She doesn’t give a shit about all the girly garbage.”

“Like a Tom Boy?”

“No, not really. I mean… you didn’t have to watch your mouth around her. She liked to hang around us guys and listen to us talk shit. She was always laughing; everything was a joke to her.”

I asked: “Did you ever… you know, hook up with her?”

Josh shook his head. “No. Oz was one of the guys.”

Lex poked her head into the kitchen. “Josh, we need that ice. Hania’s not a miracle worker.”

He shook his head and grabbed his homemade ice pack. “She’s cool, Jason. You’d like her.” He walked into the game room.

I went to the bar and made my selections.

9 CONSTANT REMINDER

I knocked on Ash’s apartment door. She made me wait, then opened the door and scowled at me. I shoved a bottle of vodka at her while I balanced a two-liter of Mountain Dew and a bottle of Captain Morgan in the other arm.

“Let’s get fucked up,” I said.

She took the vodka and let me in. Her apartment smelled like pumpkin pie. I noticed the candle burning on the kitchen counter as she got glasses from the cupboard. Her apartment was colorful compared to mine. She had a red and beige living area compared to my black and white. I noted that I could no longer smell Verloren. His scent had lingered here long after his death. Now all I could smell was pie.

“Why do you girls like smelly things?” I asked, as I sat on the sofa.

She sounded sad. “What do you mean… smelly?”

“I don’t know. Smelly lotions, soaps, body sprays, candles, incense… you know, that sort of shit.”

Laughing weakly, she handed me a glass, and sat down beside me. I wondered if Oz cared about all that stuff.

“Is it a crime to smell good?” she asked.

“No, but you don’t see guys doing that sort of shit.”

She unscrewed the cap from the vodka and started to tip it toward the glass. She hesitated with the bottle hanging over the glass, then shrugged, skipped the glass, and brought the bottle straight to her mouth. Once she’d drank, she sat back and balanced the bottle on her knee. “I think I read somewhere that smell is the strongest sense connected to memory. I do remember the pumpkin pie part though.” She took another drink.

I mixed a strong rum-and-soda. “What about pumpkin pie?” I asked.

“There was a survey to figure out what smells attracted men. Pumpkin pie was number one.” She made a face as she swallowed the third drink.

I drank half of my glass then looked at her. “So you do want me.” I laughed at her scowl.

“Whatever,” she said.

“That’s a polite way of telling me to fuck off.”

“Then fuck off,” she said blandly, as she looked at my glass. “Since when do you drink that?”

I set down my empty glass and thought about the girl. This wasn’t what I came here to talk about.

“I don’t know. Something different.” I shrugged.

Liar. It’s what she drinks, she thought.

“Well, I guess that makes us both fucking liars then, huh?”

I’d let down my guard and she’d read my thoughts. I pushed the soda out of the way, grabbed the bottle of rum, and drank it straight. If she was going to lie to me, then I was going to lie to her.

“So what do you think about what happened today?” I asked.

“Just great,” she hissed.

“Not about them, about the phone call Jack got.”

“Oh… I don’t know. I forgot about that part.” She looked at me glassy eyed.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “everyone keeps forgetting about that part.”

I took a couple of healthy swigs of the rum and coughed. Ashley laughed at me. My face felt warm from the alcohol.

“You can’t keep up with me.” She taunted and drank from her bottle.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you might get a hangover.”

“Oh shit, here we go. I knew this was going to be a fun night.” I was already feeling good, but I wanted to get blasted. I didn’t want to care.

I tipped my bottle again as she continued to drink from hers. She watched me as we both chugged trying to finish first. I sat my empty bottle down on the coffee table. She was finishing the last of hers, spilling most of it on her sweatshirt. She gasped for air.

“No fair! I had a bigger bottle.” She looked down at her shirt. “Now I’m all wet.”

“That’s what she said.” I laughed.

“You’re so disgusting, Jason.”

“Am I?”

She sat her empty bottle on the coffee table. Now that she was buzzing, I knew she would talk.

“The phone call.” I reminded her. The warmth from the liquor spread from my stomach up to my ears. “Who do you think it was, and what do you think they’re doin’?”

“Someone knew,” she said, leaning back. She turned her face up to me as her pitch-black eyes gazed in my direction. “It had to be someone who’s been here. They had to know about Sarah and Jack. Told him to ‘tell her’.”

“Tell her what?”

“I think that’s obvious. Jack needed to tell S-Sarah that he loved her.” Her fangs flashed in the light as she grimaced.

I felt the pain in my chest when she made the face. I knew it was a touchy subject, but she saw into Jack’s mind. She would have all the details and might recognize the voice in his memory.

“But who would have known about them being soul mates? And this place?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care. Good Samaritan I guess. Some kind of soul matchmaker crap,” she snapped.

“A good Samaritan. That’s all you got out of his thoughts? You didn’t recognize the voice at all?”

She leaned toward me, her eyes half closed, as the vodka did its job. “Who cares, Jason?” She laughed. “They’re happy…” She waved her hand weakly toward the game room. “…and I’m miserable. I really don’t give a shit who sent Jack. I don’t see the place bein’ raided, or fallin’ in on our heads.” She pointed to her head, dropped her arm, closed her eyes, and smiled. She whispered: “I wish it would fall on my head.”

I leaned toward her. “You don’t have to be miserable, you know.”

Her face seemed too close. Suddenly she felt happy and I felt it with her. With her eyes closed, her smile grew. It was nice to know I could make her happy. I was all too aware of the pull in my chest. I didn’t know where it was coming from and didn’t care. I assumed it was from in front of me, but you know what they say about assumptions. I don’t know what came over me, but I would blame it on the alcohol. I grabbed her cool face and pulled her mouth to mine as I pushed her onto her back. My free hand grabbed her thigh and pulled it around my waist. She resisted my kiss as I playfully bit her lower lip. Her whole body vibrated with angry thoughts, then the vibration died, the alcohol would keep her touch from becoming lethal. A growl rose in her chest as I ran my hand down the velvety skin of her neck.

Ash grabbed the front of my shirt roughly and snarled at me. She shoved me away from her and I flew, landing on the sofa. She stood and glared at me. I looked at her dumfounded.

“Goddamn it, Jason! Is this why you got me drunk? You thought if you got me drunk enough I would screw you?” Her hands clenched into fists.

“’M sorry,” I mumbled. “It wasn’t like that… I felt a pull…”

“It wasn’t me. You know better, you… you… horny jackass!” she hissed. She crossed her arms, sat down, bounced, and almost fell off the sofa. She avoided looking at me.

I was glad she was drunk.

“Sorry,” I repeated. “Please don’t be mad at me. I know I’m a dick.”

She glared at me. “You better start thinkin’ with the right head… you… ass head!” she barked.

I started laughing uncontrollably. “Ass head?” I echoed.

Ash tightened her lips and fought not to laugh. She refused to look at me. She was getting pissed at my mocking her.

“Well, that’s what you are!” she yelled. She pursed her lips and sat back with her arms still crossed, trying to look mad.

“Okay, okay.” I tried to catch my breath. “I’m an ass head. I won’t do it again.”

She glared at me. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t, you’ll still love me in the mornin’. Hey… you can’t blame a guy for trying.”

Her mouth dropped open. “You… you…”

“No, no, really, I’m joking. I just wanted to see what you took from Jack about the phone call.” This was true, but I wasn’t completely sorry I’d kissed her.

“You could have asked me,” she fumed.

“You’re only truly honest when you’re drunk, Ash. Besides, it’s been awhile since I got fucked up with someone other than Josh. Let’s watch a movie.”

Her face lit up. “Som’tin’ with zombies.” She hiccupped.

I laughed at her. “You can make zombies, and you want to watch a movie about them?”

She stumbled toward the DVD player.

I don’t remember much more after Zombieland started. I woke up freezing and my head felt like it was going to split open. My stomach rolled and I took a deep breath. Something smelled good. Slowly I opened my eyes; the light from the TV was too much as the menu from the DVD replayed. I closed my eyes. God, it was fucking cold. I shivered, wondering if I had a fever.

I opened my eyes again and found the reason I was cold. I was spooning Ash on her sofa. What did this mean? I moved my head. Pain shot through my brain and down my neck. Did we have sex? Did I get bitten? Was that the reason for the pain in my head? Was I turning into a hybrid?

I felt my chest. I still had clothes on. We hadn’t done anything. The pain must be a hangover. Damn it.

I felt around on the back of the sofa and found a throw. I pulled it over Ash and tucked it between us. I wrapped my arm around Ash and pulled her tight against me. I laid my arm across the dip in her waist. It felt like that space was meant for it. I buried my face in her snow-white hair and inhaled. Though I felt like barfing, she smelled good.

There was a frantic conversation. Pain threatened to burst my brain. I listened to the house and heard nothing. I laid my forehead against the back of Ash’s head. The cold felt good.

Hazy pictures formed in my mind. The new images didn’t help the hangover. I recognized Verloren’s face; I was seeing Ashley’s dream.

Ash cradled Verloren just as she had the night he died. She placed her hand over the gun wound on his head, trying to will it to heal. She cried in frustration, and I felt her agony. She could never relinquish this power. No matter how hard she tried, her hands would only deal death. Verloren was gone forever.

The pain in my mind was too much. I winced and pulled my head from hers, then fell back to sleep with my face in her hair.

I dreamed that I was a teenager mowing the lawn of the house I grew up in. I was pushing the mower toward the sidewalk when Oz walked past, watching me.

She looked different. She wore a tight-fitting black dress accentuating her curves. Stiletto heels made her calves flex with each slow step. I let go of the mower handle as the engine died.

Every fiber of me wanted to go to her. I tried to, but I felt weak and couldn’t move. The more I struggled to get to her, the more paralyzed I became. I found myself falling to my knees. I called to her, but my voice was only a faint whisper.

Oz disappeared. As the sky darkened, I fell and rolled over on my back. The sun turned into the moon, and I stared at the night sky. There was a low purring sound, and I struggled to see Ash in her dragon shift.

Something was pulled out from under my face. I opened my eyes. Ash eyed me, and I pulled my arm from her to block out the light.

“Was it horrible?” I asked.

I saw into her thoughts. She questioned her celibacy, and I couldn’t help but smile. She lingered on the memory of me kissing her. I let her see how I’d felt. She was mortified.

I let her sweat it for a moment, then said: “We didn’t do anything.”

How do you know?

I groaned, then took a deep breath. “I’m not naked. So, was it horrible to spend the night with me?”

She didn’t answer, blocking her thoughts. I rolled over and fell asleep again. I woke up alone. Finally I could move without pain. I listened to the house. The pull was strong. Was Oz close?

I listened to Ash; she was at the pool. She seemed no different. I snuck out of her apartment, not wanting any weird questions. Once I was back in my apartment, I smoked a cigarette, and dug in my dresser for swim trunks. I changed and headed to the pool.

Ash saw me coming through the door. She swam to the deep end, treaded water, and kept her eyes on me. Her thoughts were hidden. The water felt good, though I wished it were a hot tub.

I submerged my head and swam toward her, then broke the surface and wiped the water from my eyes. Ash swam toward the edge of the pool and I followed her. She stepped on the shelf running around the edge. I stood beside her. Being almost a foot taller, the cool air hit my chest. She searched my face as I leaned on the edge.

“There is no gray area for you is there?” I asked. “Everything is either black or white. It’s all or nothing.”

She watched me. “What I would give you, would only be a faint echo of what I had. And even though you are an ass at times… you deserve better than that. And what you are offering me… there is no substitution for the original, Jason. You’ll see when you find her.”

My chest tightened. “I’m sorry I kissed you last night… wait… I’m not sorry; I would do it again in a heartbeat if I knew you would return it. But last night that weird… pull… and I was drunk…”

“Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen,” she said.

I grabbed the edge of the pool. Keeping one foot on the ledge, I swung my body in front of her and placed my other foot opposite her. I gripped the edge of the pool, trapping her. She shrank back from me and crossed her arms over her chest. I pulled myself closer.

“I think you’re afraid of me.”

She looked up at me with a straight face and relaxed her arms. I eyed her stone necklace, the constant reminder of Verloren. Would he be pissed at me for trying to fuck Ash? What did it matter? He was gone. I pulled closer, leaving only inches between us.

“I think you’re afraid to give in. You’re afraid to kiss me and let go. Deep down you care for me, but you’re terrified to let yourself fall in love again.” I pulled myself close enough that our bodies were touching. She turned from me and frowned, clenching her fists. They became lethal. I leaned my head down and whispered: “Prove me wrong, Ashley. Kiss me… kiss me and tell me you don’t feel anything.”

She punched me hard in the chest and knocked me off the ledge. I inhaled a lot of water, resurfaced, and coughed.

“You know you are an ass head, right?” she barked.

I swam back to the ledge, keeping my distance. “I am completely aware that I am Jason Zurk, king of the ass heads. They have an annual festival in my name.”

She laughed. “You’re such a jerk. You need to get a girlfriend and leave me alone.” She hung on to the edge and kicked her legs underwater.

I sighed and changed the subject. “Any more thoughts on who called Jack?”

I listened and heard a hurt she was trying to hide. She shook her head and chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“I just find it ironic her name is Oz.”

“Why?”

“The night after you and I became connected, remember the night at the beach?”

“Yes,” I said, and started edging toward her again.

How could I forget? The night that I first fed after her, and the night I realized I loved her. She fought a smile as she read my thoughts, then held up her hand.

It’s a lost cause, Jason, don’t touch me again, she thought. She then said out loud: “I’ve thought of you as the tin man since then, always looking for a heart. Now you’ve got one.”

10 TABOO LOVE

Like any other soul mates, Sarah and Jack were inseparable. In normal circumstances Hania would have erased his memory and sent Jack back to the human world, but Sarah had kept him like a stray. This raised issues. The biggest concern was that Jack was human and Sarah had no intention to change him immediately. She protected Jack fiercely, and sternly tutored Abby about self-control around humans — something Ash had never done.

By the time Jack had been there a week, it was growing unbearable. I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with them. They were like a disgustingly happy little family, falling into their places like subjects of a screwed up Rockwell painting. The way Sarah and Jack looked at each other made me want to barf and it seemed as if Ash felt the same way. It was a reminder of what we didn’t have.

Yet there were times when Ash would absorb and reflect Jack’s happiness on me. She was trying to show me how it could be, in an attempt to steer me to Oz.

The pulling turned painful, making me irritable. I was picking a lot of stupid fights, determined to prove them all wrong. I felt the blind frustrations of failure. At night I lay in bed, staring into the darkness, wondering what I was missing. My mind felt trapped in the ache of this strange attraction.

When Ash and Verloren fell for each other, it had been a natural progression of two becoming one. This seemed different. Sarah had created an instant family, and their connection felt forced and sickening. Despite Jack’s human form, he and Sarah touched constantly. It was as if Sarah had taken to making out with a cheeseburger. It might have been different with a werewolf. Our bodies are human, with far different needs, but a vampire making out with a human seemed almost ugly to me. The more I thought about it, the more disgusted I got. Sarah was leading the poor guy along, never quite giving him what he wanted. And what in the hell was she teaching Abigail?

Sarah resisted making Jack into a vampire. With her inability to transform into a human, and Jack’s obsession with her growing, there seemed to be only one option. Jack acted as if his life depended on having sex with her. I wished she would get it over with.

I wondered if Sarah had changed at all. Could this be her ultimate torture? She could give up hunting and killing every evil man she could find and concentrate on torturing this one. She could stretch it out, putting off his death indefinitely. Whenever Ashley caught these thoughts, she scolded me, saying I shouldn’t judge Sarah unless I’d walked in her shoes. It seemed as if Ashley and I were on a collision course over our opinions of the situation.

One day Ash sat with Hania at the card table in the game room. Josh and I were playing a video game. Abby leaned on the back of the sofa, kicking it, as she annoyed me with dumb questions about the game. A subtle shift occurred in my mind, so subtle that at first I barely noticed it. When I finally felt it I knew it must either be Ash or Oz. Detecting some change between Ash and Hania, I glanced back at them. They were engrossed in a private conversation.

I snatched the bag of chips from Josh and shoved a handful in my mouth. I punched the controller buttons too hard and too fast, pausing to feed myself.

“You’re gonna break the controller again!” Josh yelled.

“No I’m not,” I said, spitting chips from my overfilled mouth.

“And you’re getting the controller all fucking greasy with your potato fingers, asshole!”

Abby laughed, kicking the sofa again.

“Quit kicking the couch, kid!” I sneered.

She glared at me. “What? You mean this?” She swung her leg again.

I tried to catch her leg, but she danced back and taunted me.

“Do it again and I’ll break that leg,” I snapped.

“It won’t hurt,” she taunted.

“I’ll make it fucking hurt.”

Ash butted in, saying: “Jason, watch your mouth.”

“What?”

Sarah and Jack were just coming in. “Don’t swear around her,” Sarah ordered. “She’s already learned too much from you.”

“Josh cussed too,” I protested.

Sarah sighed and sat down with her leech. I turned back to my game. I could hear them kissing and knew that his mouth must be latching onto her neck, hand or face.

“Sarah.” Hania’s voice sounded fragile.

Sarah spoke to Abigail: “You should go play outside for a little while.”

“But—”

“I want you to — now.”

Once Abby had left, Sarah and Jack joined Hania and Ash at the card table. Though Josh was still needling me, I overheard the others’ conversation.

“You can’t let him suffer like this,” Hania said.

“But I don’t think I can make him like me,” Sarah replied. “I didn’t ask for this. It was forced on me. I wouldn’t wish it on him.”

“I’m not being forced,” Jack pleaded. “This is what I want.”

“I will not damn your soul to be like mine,” Sarah argued.

“I would take damnation over losing you,” Jack whimpered.

“You have to do something, Sarah,” Hania reiterated.

Why don’t you do it? I thought to Ash. That way it’s over and she can’t complain that it’s her fault.

“No!” Ash barked.

A silence fell. Josh and I continued our game for a moment, but then I found myself in the middle of the conversation.

Jason has a morbid fascination with my virus. It’s not a good idea, Ash told everyone.

“I think we’ve seen what it’s capable of,” Hania said. “Do we need reminded of the mindless corpses? And then there is Abby.”

Against Josh’s protests I paused the video game and turned to stare at Ash. “Tell them what I’m really curious about,” I said. “You’re always in my head and know what I want. Abby was human and she lived; we know what Jack would become. What would happen to an incarnate?”

“We don’t conduct experiments,” Ash hissed.

“See, Ash, that’s why you don’t make a good vampire. You’ve got too much conscience. You and Sarah both need to learn to kill without giving a fuck.”

Hania scolded: “We are not like Kale, Jason. We don’t experiment just to see what happens.”

“Okay,” I agreed, “we’re not like Kale. But remember, without his experiments we would have never had Verloren.”

Ash jumped up knocking over her chair.

“Without his experiments Verloren could have been reborn!” Ashley glared at me through black-tearing eyes as she touched her necklace.

“So I take it that you’re on Sarah’s side,” I said.

Ash laid her hands on the table, while the other three leaned away, avoiding the vibrations.

“Sarah and Jack are different; they need each other,” she said evenly.

I blocked a new thought from her. What if I could provoke her into a fight? I’d done it a hundred times when it was just the two of us. If I could keep her from laying her hands on me, I could goad her into biting, but keep her from killing me. She’d always had enough self-restraint to keep from injuring me. This time I would have to keep hold of her while pushing her anger. That way I could do the experiment without them knowing.

“Just like you and I need each other?” I asked. “Then why won’t you turn me?”

Ash slammed her hand down hard on the table as Hania shook his head at me. It was working. All I had to do was keep pushing and I was sure she would snap.

“Why are you being difficult, Jason?” Ash yelled. “You’ve been picking fights with everyone!”

She was onto me.

“I’m not being difficult,” I said. “I’m realistic. You should leave your fucking fantasyland and join me sometime.”

Ash lunged. I braced to catch her, when Hania shouted in an unfamiliar language. Ash hung in midair like a puppet, then fell on her back. She stared dumbstruck at the ceiling. As anger at Hania surged through me, I struggled to stay human. Ash jumped to her feet, glaring at me. Hania pointed a tiny wooden wand at Ash. My body shook as I yearned to attack. Ash stood still, anger rippling into her hands. She too wanted to strike, but the thought of being slammed down on the floor again made her reconsider. She turned and ran outside.

“No!” I growled, starting after her, then I caught myself just in time. Hania lowered the wand.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. That stupid old man had fucked up my chance to be immortal. I fell back on the sofa beside Josh. He avoided my gaze. I hit “Resume.”

“That was a bullshit thing to do, Jason!” Sarah snarled.

I ignored her as she reassured Jack. Once she’d calmed him, she followed Ash outside.

“Jason,” Hania said.

“I don’t want to hear it, old man!”

He spoke another strange word. The controller flew from my hand, slamming into the console. That shut everything off.

“Goddamn it!” I screamed.

“You will listen to me!” Hania bellowed. His ferocity belied his frail body. “You complained that Ashley tortured you when Verloren died. Now you’ve turned the tables. You’re hurting her. Your constant nagging and endless desire must stop! We all know you love her, Jason, but you cannot, and won’t ever fill Verloren’s shoes. No one can.

“I see your mind, Jason. You act tough, refusing to find your true soul mate. Why? Because you’re terrified of any possible and permanent connection. The only reason you peruse the permanence of being a hybrid is because you know Ash, and the rest of us, won’t let it happen. You always want what you can’t have.”

“Bullshit!” I spat.

“Is it?” Hania asked. “Then prove me wrong.”

I got up and walked out, mumbling: “Nice fucking try.”

When I reached my apartment I slammed the door. Me torturing her, I thought. What a fucking joke. She’s the one torturing herself. If she would let go of him, she could be happy with me. She could’ve had a life with me in Indiana. When she was still a beautiful powerful human, we might’ve shared an almost normal life. Instead everyone wanted me to run after some girl I don’t even know. How could you love someone you don’t know?

The ache in my chest wasn’t much worse. Maybe this would be as bad as it got. If so, I could deal with it. I grabbed a cigarette, flopped down on the sofa and turned on the stereo, cranking up the volume on Sirens and Sailors. After a few songs someone knocked on my door. I turned the music down and opened the door to find Jack.

“What do you want?” I growled.

“Can I talk to you?” He fidgeted and looked at the ground.

“Talk.”

“In private.”

I stepped out of the way, gesturing for him to enter. He walked past me avoiding eye contact. I closed the door and looked at this walking nervous wreck. “You live in a house of monsters, Jack. There are no private conversations.” I tapped my ear. “Everyone can hear better than any human. Now sit down.”

Jack sat on the edge of the sofa. Looking at him I was suddenly reminded of Verloren. He’d had the same bewildered realization of love when he’d found Ashley, like someone reborn. Once a soul mate found his or her match, a new light shone in their eyes. After taking that great leap of faith their eyes seemed to call out, “Join us in this cult of love.”

“What do you have to say that I haven’t heard before,” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Uh, well…” His eyes danced around the room. “Nothing. I was just curious. You seem bitter about Sarah and me. They say you’ve met your soul mate, but you’re avoiding her. I guess… I just don’t understand why.”

“Have you met Ashley?” I sneered.

Jack rubbed his palms, debating whether to respond. His answer was a nervous silence.

“They say I’m avoiding her, huh?” I said. “Did they put you up to this?”

He shook his head. “No, it was my own curiosity… and I was trying to figure out why you hate me so much.”

“I’m shocked. You actually grew a pair on your own.” I chuckled. “I don’t hate you, Jack. I just hate what you represent.”

“Humans?”

“No… happiness.”

“How can you hate being happy?”

“Nothing good can last forever,” I said. “Ask Ashley. She’ll tell you all about it. And when her mental walls come tumbling down and you feel all the pain she does, tell me if you really think it’s all worth it.”

“You see the glass as half empty.”

I chuckled. “I was born a monster, Jack. There’s no other way to look at life.”

Jack changed the subject, mentioning the motorcycle. Our conversation devolved into pleasantries and, as I sensed the nearness of Ashley and Sarah, I told him his beloved was back. He left to join her and I turned the music back up.

I could hear Sarah finally agreeing to the idea that Jack should become a vampire. It was best for him, her, and Abby. They planned it all out like a fucking honeymoon. They would take a room at a nearby hotel. Sarah would feed, then the fucking succubus would bite him. Once he’d been bitten, they would come back home. That’s what they told us, but I knew there was more to it than that. She wanted to screw him without Abby, or any of us, hearing them.

A vampire’s bite during sex can be downright unpleasant for a human. Sarah worried we might be disconcerted by his response. Vampires usually exercise mind control while biting and feeding, but now everyone acted as if it were taboo to do that to someone you love.

Ash told Jack the process had been pleasurable for her, but Sarah’s memories of it were painful. She’d cried repeatedly, she said, making me wonder if it would have been painful if Ash had bitten me.

Josh came to my door to ask if I would clean up after Sarah’s meal. “The Guesthouse, Aberdeen, tomorrow night,” he said.

“Yeah, I fucking heard,” I said.

“You know that place?”

“Yeah.” I shut the door in his face.

It was the place where Ash and I had stayed when she awoke from her catatonic depression. That’s when she’d fed for the first time on her own. It was there that she’d pulled me so strongly, wanting sex.

It was the closest I’d ever come to getting what I wanted.

11 DIFFERENT DEFINITION

I let Jack and Sarah borrow the Hayabusa to go to Aberdeen. The dude had been bugging me about the damn bike since he’d learned I had it. I was being a big enough dick to everyone else that I felt as if I should cut him a break. I was amazed a human had the nuts to ride it, but he did, and he wanted to teach Sarah how. That way she could bring him back if he wasn’t strong enough.

I gave Sarah a pair of my jeans, telling her to leave them under the train tracks behind the hotel. The tracks bridged the waterway there. I waited until it started to get dark. Everyone but Lex and Abby were in the game room as I headed out. Only Josh and Jenny looked up.

They were all still pissed at me. I never had any siblings, but it felt as if Ash was the baby of our group. Everyone else pampered her. In this scenario I would be the middle child, acting out to get a rise out of the parents.

I was halfway up the stairs when someone entered the mudroom, probably Ash. I ran up the steps, hoping to avoid her. I just wanted to run, and release my frustration. I hurried out from under the tree, stripped, and shifted in plain view of whoever was there, then I shot south into the night. I’d had enough drama and didn’t want to talk anymore.

I just wanted to be a heartless creature, thinking of nothing but what was ahead. I leapt through thick brush and over fallen trees. Sword ferns scraped my skin as soft earth gave way to my claws. It felt good.

I was ten miles south when I noticed the pull was no longer from the east. I was headed directly into it and suddenly wondered, was I headed south? Or had I gone east without thinking? After a few more miles I ran into 101 and followed it down the coast — definitely south.

I ignored the pull and focused on getting to Aberdeen so Sarah and Jack could have their privacy. Before I knew it I crossed 109 and snaked along the coast through the shipyards. I had to swim some areas before I reached the hotel. I shifted, then climbed out of the cold water. My jeans were waiting; I pulled them on.

They’d been watching for me. Jack came out the side door. I found the cigarettes I’d left in the jeans’ pocket and lit one as Jack watched nervously.

“I gotta smoke after a run like that,” I told him. “Give me a minute.”

He sat down at a picnic table that served as a smoking area. He fidgeted till I was finished, but didn’t complain. When I was ready Jack keyed us back in.

“Did she let you watch?” I asked him, as we climbed the stairs.

“No,” he said, bewildered.

“She should have. At least that way you would see what you’re getting into. It’s not glamorous like the movies. Some people can’t deal with it and lose their minds.”

He stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at me. “I know I can’t live without her.”

“Let’s hope that’s enough to keep you from blowing your brains out,” I said.

“I love her more than anything in this world…”

His words stirred a vivid memory.

I stood in the doorway and watched Hania as he worked with the cute blonde girl, Elizabeth. Her eyes were red from crying. She avoided my gaze. I should have known better; she was only human. How could I have ever thought she could handle the fact that I was a werewolf? Hania continued his incantation robbing her of bad memories. Once he was done she would go home.

Verloren stood behind me. “Still having your soul resent? They say ignorance is bliss.”

“No,” I replied, watching Hania. “She wasn’t meant for my world… and I wasn’t meant for hers.”

When I looked at him his eyes shone with a strange new light.

“We’re going to Washington,” he said. “Are you coming with us?”

“I might as well,” I sighed as Hania eased Elizabeth onto her back. She dozed off quickly. “How do you know for sure Ashley is your soul mate?”

Verloren stared at me. “I love her more than anything in this world. I would do anything for her. I would even…”

“…die for her,” Jack said.

I nodded at Jack. “That’s a good indicator.”

He was an all right guy who was scared out of his fucking mind. I was waiting for him to snap and start screaming about monsters.

As we entered the room I could hear his heart racing. Sarah sat watching TV. I headed straight for the bathroom. That’s where she’d left the body.

As I went in I said: “You should have let him watch.”

I closed the bathroom door and hurried. I didn’t want to be there any more than they wanted me there. The body was a man — imagine that. When I finished, I balled up his clothes and took them with me. I left their room without looking at either of them. I jogged down the stairs and out the door, then jumped in the water with my jeans on. I shifted in the water destroying the jeans, then swam far out before I let go of the dead man’s clothes. They sank to the bottom of Grey’s Harbor.

Even in the water, I felt the urge to head south. I ran hard for home, desperate to get away from it. I wanted to exhaust myself and end up falling into my bed, but something told me I wasn’t going to be so lucky.

I let my inhuman instincts rule. I’d raced there so that Jack and Sarah could get on with their lives, but on the way back I was running for fun. I jumped from cliff to cliff listening to the ocean. I emptied my mind of human thoughts, and became what I really was: a savage monster not meant for this world. I didn’t want to think or care anymore. I just wanted to be left alone. It was a shame to get home so quickly.

A distant thump of wings told me of gargoyles overhead. I closed in on the tree, knowing how they felt. They were flying through the night when the cover of darkness allowed them to be themselves.

Ash stood just a few feet from my clothes. Ignoring formalities I shifted to human in front of her. I relished her discomfort as she looked away. As I stood naked in the dark, she kept her head turned. She didn’t move.

“What the fuck do you want?” I asked.

“I think we need to talk. Could you put some clothes on?”

“We have nothing to talk about.”

I wasn’t about to accommodate her. I didn’t move or bother with my clothes. She fidgeted, waiting for me to dress.

“Look,” I said. “I love you, but you and I have two different definitions of what that means. So from now on, I’ll leave you alone, and you can fuck off.”

I grabbed my jeans and pulled them on, leaving the rest of my clothes. I went down under the tree and went to my apartment.

I felt her hurt, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want anyone caring about me either. Despite her rejections I loved Ash, but I wasn’t gonna fight her anymore.

Still, if this soul mate was so drawn to me, why hadn’t she come here? Maybe she wasn’t drawn to me at all. Why set myself up for another disappointment? Wouldn’t she eventually reject me too? I couldn’t keep a girl happy. One way or another I always screwed up. If she really wanted me, she could come find me. I was sick of chasing a phantom.

When Ash cried, I felt happy. It was about fucking time someone cried over me. I didn’t care. I’d dealt with Ash’s emotional roller coaster long enough. I was going to feel what I wanted to feel: nothing. I lay in bed, in the dark, and cleared my mind of everything. No Ash, no Oz, no pull in my chest. I fell asleep quickly and for the first time in a while I slept peacefully. Nothing but sweet nothingness.

The next day as I left my apartment Lex and Sarah were bringing Jack into the game room. I passed them on my way to breakfast in the community kitchen. Sarah always went straight for the kill and the skin on Jack’s neck was already white from the virus. He was sweating like mad and almost collapsed before they got him to the sofa. I walked past, ignoring them, and headed for the kitchen.

Ash sat on the sofa, reading. We ignored each other too.

As I passed the door I caught Abby playing dress-up in the mudroom. She wore a pair of boots that looked like Josh’s. She danced around the tile room in the oversized footwear. The door to the steps was open.

“Hey, kid, shut the door,” I grumbled.

Abby glared at me then stuck her tongue out, and flapped her arms like a chicken.

I’ll rip that tongue out and cram it up your… I thought. The only other person who might hear was Ash, and she wouldn’t acknowledge me.

“Jason, can you get something for Jack to eat?” Lex said, interrupting my threat.

I nodded and turned toward the kitchen. I tried to think of something that he wouldn’t mind throwing up, because that was the most likely result. He’d lost a lot of blood, so I figured fruit would be best. I found some grapes, cut up an apple, and got him a glass of water. Jenny sat at the kitchen table, watching me. Abigail bounced in, sat beside Jenny, and started prattling about nothing.

I delivered the food, then listened for other activity. Josh and Hania were still asleep. As the girls moved Jack to his apartment, I ate my breakfast, played a video game, then stretched out on the sofa.

I don’t know how long I was out, but I woke up to the sound of a voice.

12 CLOSE SUBSTITUTION

“Hey, man.” Someone nudged my shoulder. I opened my eyes to a tall blond man smiling down at me. He looked familiar and carried a large duffle bag over his shoulder. I sat up, blinked the sleep away, and eyed him. I’d seen this werewolf before.

He extended his hand. “Jason Zurk, right? Remember me?”

I recognized him as one of the Guard the Quatre had kept. “Just your face. You took off pretty quick after Kale and Pedro died,” I told him, not taking his hand. “How did you get in?”

“The door was open… the name’s Tyler Stark.” He dropped his hand nervously, but never lost his smile.

It would figure. Abby left the damn door open again.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

Tyler looked around, smiling. He seemed too happy. He turned back to me, saying: “Clean up duty. Hania got hold of me… told me you guys were getting swamped with the bloodsuckers. He asked if I would come in and give you a hand, especially with…” He looked down the hall again, wearing a stupid grin.

“With what?” I asked.

“You know, that hybrid girl… Ashley. I left after those assholes were killed because… I was really…” He looked down the hallway. “I mean… I know she’s a dragon and all, and they love to fuck, but after I ate her leftovers…” He looked at me. “She had that vampire lover at the time, and I didn’t want to start any shit.”

Blood drained from my face. My stomach dropped and my body trembled with anger.

Lex and Ash came in. Ash already knew he was here. Tyler’s goofy grin grew even bigger when he saw her.

“Hello, Tyler,” Lex said.

“Hey, long time no see.” Tyler’s eyes were glued to Ash.

“Your old apartment is still open,” Lex said.

“Good.” He started toward the hallway and stopped in front of Ash. She looked down nervously.

“Hello, Ashley. How have you been?”

Her hair fell in her face. “I’ve been better,” she mumbled.

He brushed some hair out of her face, holding a lock of it. “I’m sorry to hear that. Your hair is lovely in its natural state. You look beautiful.”

I felt pure rage and hiccupped. My eyes must’ve flashed yellow. Lex furrowed her brow and stepped away from me.

Ashley’s eyes flitted from Tyler’s hand to the floor. I let her hear my rage and she looked at me. “I’m going to my apartment,” she said, and started down the hall.

“I’m headed to mine too, I’ll follow you,” Tyler chirped.

I glared at Lex as Tyler called: “Hey, my apartment is right across from yours.”

I lost control and my body shifted. I took three long deep breaths. I stared at Lex, then at the tattered remains of my clothes. She poised for attack, and trembled as she absorbed my evil thoughts. My muscles loosened. I became human again and stood naked. It was just Lex and I.

“What is wrong with you?” Lex demanded.

“You guys did this on purpose,” I hissed.

“Did what on purpose?”

I stormed toward my apartment, flung open the door, and Lex followed me in.

I turned, trying to keep my voice down. “You brought him here… just to show me.”

“Show you what, Jason?”

“That what I feel for Ash… that it’s…” I pursed my lips and took a deep breath. “You guys are trying to convince me, that it’s just her virus, and not something deeper.”

Lex sighed. “We brought Tyler here to help you clean up after four vampires. He seemed like the most logical choice because he’s already consumed her virus. This way we don’t have to drag anyone else into it.”

“No.” I shook my head and crossed my arms. “He’s not eating after her. Besides, we don’t need him. Sarah has her lot drinking donated blood.”

“Jason, get over it already. She doesn’t want you, and you couldn’t have her anyway. You’re an incarnate. Tyler can’t be with her either, so what is the big deal?”

“Number one, that whole incarnate rule got shit-canned a long time ago. And number two, the more you feed after her, the stronger the link. No, I don’t want him here.”

Lex raised her eyebrows. “You’re jealous.”

I laughed at her. “What the fuckever. You’re jealous of my feelings for Ash.”

She turned abruptly, and walked toward the door. “You know I’m right.” As she left she said: “Put some clothes on, and clean up your mess in the game room.”

I hung my head. She was right, I was jealous.

Tyler Stark. Just his name made me cringe. It was as if his whole life purpose was to piss me off. I’ve killed humans before. They were fuel. I never wanted to kill someone out of rage, until Tyler moved in.

I’d screwed up by telling Ash to fuck off. She refused to even make eye contact with me and now Tyler was turning into her shadow. My only comfort was that she never made eye contact with him either.

He showed great concern for Abigail. Turning a kid that age was frowned on, but so was sex between vampires and incarnates. Tyler flaunted his attraction to Ashley.

Though Ash was blocking all of her thoughts from me, I let her see my rage for Tyler. She allowed him to touch her briefly and she let me see it. I felt as if I were watching a predator close in on its prey. Every day they inched closer, with more lingering touches, and suggestions of confident intimacy. This went on for a couple of weeks. I began to think she was doing it on purpose, to get back at me, or simply to drive me out. She wanted me to find Oz. That idea began to take hold with me and I revealed these thoughts to her. She never acknowledged them.

For the most part the vampires fed from donations. Jack had turned, but had yet to sink his teeth into a regular human. Sarah preferred that Abby feed the same way. They had their happy Hallmark-card family; I hardly ever saw them.

But Ash, she couldn’t help herself. At least once a week she needed fresh blood, if not for nutrition, then for the ecstasy of feeding. She needed sexual energy to fuel her element, but she also craved the satisfaction of feeding. It was a turn-on common to all vampires. The first time Tyler wanted to feed after her, I stopped him, but after that everyone got on my case. He needed fuel.

I knew I would snap eventually. Tyler rubbed my nerves raw, pushing me near the brink of pure madness.

One day as I tried to watch television, Tyler’s non-stop babbling grated like nails on a chalkboard. Josh played a video game on the other TV while Jenny and Lex used the pool. Hania was in his apartment, typing away on his computer.

Ash and Tyler sat on the sofa beside my chair. He sat close enough so their legs were touching. She was trying to read, but hadn’t turned a page in over ten minutes. He ignored her attempt and blabbered on about the stupidest shit. The dude had diarrhea of the mouth.

He was chuckling at his own joke when he pushed her hair back from her neck and leaned as if to kiss her. I glared at him. He stopped short just below her ear, and whispered something to her.

That’s when Ashley flinched and my rage finally reached a boil. I stopped myself. The fog lifted. My anger suddenly calmed and a cold calculation of murder ran through my mind. I knew how to do it. All I had to do was—

But I didn’t. Suddenly murder wasn’t worth it. Ash didn’t love me and she never would. As that thought crystallized, Ash and I looked at each other. I decided I knew her thoughts. I should go to Oz. Ash would turn Tyler because I had a soul mate. He didn’t and he had no attachments to anyone else. She wanted this bubbly blond werewolf, if only because he wasn’t a jackass like me. I’d failed. She didn’t want me, she wanted Verloren, and Tyler was the closer substitute.

Her eyes filled with black tears. You’re wrong. She pulled away from Tyler, snapped her book shut, then got up and went to her apartment.

Looking dumbfounded, Tyler started up. As I sprang up to follow her, I shoved him back on the sofa.

“What the fuck, dude?” he protested.

I caught up with Ash at her door and followed her in. I closed the door and locked it – something no one ever did around here.

She spun around. A tear rolled down her cheek. I rushed to her and ran my hand through her hair. I crushed my mouth into her icy lips. She dropped her book and started to push me away.

I grabbed the small of her back and pulled her body against mine, forcing her to hear me. Goddamn it, fucking kiss me, Ashley. Please just kiss me and tell me you don’t feel anything for me. Then I will leave. Just try… try to love me. Just one kiss and I’ll never bother you again.

Her body relaxed. She gripped the front of my shirt. I figured she was about to kick my ass, but this was my only shot. I wanted her to see that I could love her, even though she was broken.

Her hesitation was agony and slowly she parted her lips. I mimicked her. Her cool breath washed down my throat into my lungs. Reluctantly her lips explored mine. I rushed into her kiss. I showed her everything; the lust, the longing, the want, the need, the love I had for her.

Her breath caught and she pulled on my shirt. I’d never kissed anyone so violently, yet somehow I avoided her fangs. Finally her kiss matched mine, but she pushed me away too soon. My hand dropped from her hair as she stepped back.

“It doesn’t matter what I feel,” she whispered. “It will never be enough.” She touched the stone necklace. “It’s like giving a sip of water to a man dying of thirst. I won’t deny that I love you, but it’s not the right kind of love. It would be selfish and wrong for me to change you. You would be denied the chance to have someone love you the way you want. As stubborn as you are, you would never forget her and, eventually, you would grow to hate me for what you would become. You would leave and forget all about me as soon as you saw her. None of what’s between us would matter.”

“I’ll stay with you until she finds me,” I said.

She shook her head and sighed. “It’s not enough. I have to say that. You wouldn’t leave if I lied.”

“You know me too well,” I said.

“You shouldn’t expose your mind like that,” she said, embarrassed.

She extended her hand. ”Friends?”

I grabbed it. “Family,” I said, crushing her with a hug. Resting my chin on her head, I held her. “As family… don’t let Tyler touch you anymore or I’ll break his god damn fingers.”

“Okay.”

13 FORGIVE ME

As Tyler realized he was unwanted, the bond between Ash and me grew more relaxed. Ash avoided the blond werewolf. When she entered the room, I made room for her to sit beside me. Whenever he looked her way, I stared him down. It was as if I were becoming Ash’s big brother.

With jealousy gone, I could see things clearly. Though I still didn’t have any reason, something about the guy made me distrust him. There was just something about him that was wrong. I took to sleeping on Ash’s sofa and every night I made sure her door was locked. Though I knew she could take care of herself, I couldn’t turn my back on the guy.

It was similar to the feeling I’d gotten from Jesse, the demon. I wasn’t going to let something like that happen again. Tyler’s presence was a looming shadow suffocating the place.

A few nights later a faint clicking of metal stirred me from my sleep. Had someone turned the doorknob? I ran to the door, listened, and thought I heard faint footsteps. I opened the door — no one. I listened at Tyler’s door — nothing.

The next morning Tyler was gone. Josh and Lex thought I’d killed him, but Ashley knew. He just left. No note, no nothing, just vanished into the night. Hania sensed the truth.

Having grown some courage with the virus, Jack checked Tyler’s room. “It’s as if he’s never been here,” he said.

We barely saw Jack, Sarah or Abigail. They were in the process of moving into the abandoned house where we kept the cars. They spent time and money fixing it up and soon it would be completely livable. They wanted the privacy.

The day after Tyler left, Ashley and I were in the game room. She kidded me, saying: “I thought I was the only one who could run people off, but that’s not true. I read his mind; he was terrified of you, Jason. Tyler was really afraid for his life.”

Jenny came in, asking: “Where’s Tyler?”

“He left,” Lex sighed.

“Ha!” Jenny barked at Lex. “You owe me twenty bucks.”

Josh laughed. “Pay up sucka.”

“Pay up?” Ash looked at Lex.

Lex shrugged. “We kinda had a bet.”

“What kind of bet?” I asked.

“Whether or not you and Tyler would get into a fight,” Josh said.

“It’s so nice to know that you had faith in my patience,” I sneered at Lex.

Lex shrugged in surrender. “Come on, Jason, even you thought you were going to kill him. I’m just glad he’s gone. You really know how to dish out some nasty thoughts. You’ve wreaked some havoc on Jenny and Josh.”

“And what about you?” I asked. “Didn’t it fuck you up?”

“I wanted to win the bet. I quit helping.”

“I’m glad I kept you all entertained,” I grumbled.

Sarah, Jack and Abby appeared. Sarah had colored her hair a light brown and she wore a thick layer of makeup. Abby had some on too. Sarah held Abby’s hand as the young girl went on about waterfalls she wanted to visit. Jack wore a baseball cap, trying to pass for albino, a lot like Verloren once had. He slung a duffle bag over his shoulder and approached me. “You don’t mind if I borrow your bike do you?”

“I’m not going anywhere for a couple days,” I said.

Jack smiled. “Thanks man.”

“Be back in a couple of days,” Sarah said.

“Jack,” I called. “You should buy one of your own.”

“I am, I just don’t know what I want yet.”

After they left I took my normal spot beside Josh and picked up the video game controller. After helping Hania to his apartment, the girls headed to the pool.

Josh and I were busy with our video game when a thump was followed by awkward footsteps.

“Did you hear something?” I asked Josh.

“Quit trying to fuck with me,” he said, focused on the game.

I looked over at the other TV. Someone with dark hair came down the steps. I glanced at the mudroom door. Abby had left it open again. I jumped up and ran to it, shouting: “Intruder!”

“Whatever,” Josh said, thinking I was trying to distract him.

As I entered the mudroom the man came in from the stairs. He was a scrawny six-footer covered in tattoos, with black hair falling over his eyes. Something made me think of Oz. My stomach dropped. As he started to say something, I reacted, lunging forward, grabbing him by the throat. We went down together, through the door and onto the stairs. I kicked the door to the mudroom closed, determined to keep him out. Now neither of us could get in unless someone let us in.

He clawed at my hand as I cut off his air. He was human and couldn’t budge me. Even in the dim light I could see his muscles were drawn and thin. He was weak even for a human. He fumbled in his pocket and I loosened my grip so he could talk. He spoke a strange word and laid a green rock on my chest. The rock repelled me, hurling me into the heavy door. I growled and jumped to my feet. He coughed and rubbed his throat.

“What the hell is going on?” Lex called over the speaker.

“Don’t let this guy in!” I yelled. “He’s a witch. He just attacked me!”

“Only because you were choking me, asshole,” he rasped. His accent was familiar. He crouched on the bottom stair. Clutching his throat, he glared up at me through a blanket of dark hair.

“Who are you?” I cried, leaping down at him.

He held up the rock. That stopped me. I wanted to destroy him. “You’ll never get in,” I said. I looked up at the camera. “Even if he kills me, don’t let him in.” My whole body shuddered as I struggled to remain human.

“You have to,” he said. “I have to see Ash.”

My eyes narrowed. “What do you know?”

“Damn it, Jason, let me see her,” he said, rushing at me.

I pushed him in the chest and he fell back, yelping. I towered over him. He threatened me with the stone again.

“How do you know my name?”

Ashley whimpered through the speaker. Her emotions were in chaos.

He pushed the hair out of his eyes. “Jason, it’s me… Verloren.”

“Is this some kind of sick joke?” I reeled back, ready to punch him. Somewhere on the other side of the door, Ash wailed.

He looked at the speaker. “No, it’s not a joke.”

“Prove it.”

His brown eyes blinked rapidly — not the light blue of Verloren’s.

“I saw Jessica,” he said.

Jessica Quinn — the redheaded witch Verloren had put down. The Guard would have tortured her, so she’d asked him to have mercy and kill her body. This guy might’ve known about Jessica. He might be a Quatre guard with a grudge.

“You’re going to have to do better than that,” I said.

His eyes flashed with fury. “You kissed her. At the hotel in Aberdeen, you kissed her. She called my name… then you were groping her.”

Ashley cried out from inside. He pursed his lips and scowled.

“Every time someone spoke my name, I was there.” He stood up slowly and his hair fell back over his eyes. “It was like a beacon that pulled me in. You said my name, and she was lying in our bed, dying, as you and Hania stood by her side. I thought she would be joining me soon.” He stepped toward me. ”She said my name… you were there, undressing her… I had to find a way back.”

Ash bawled over the speaker, pulling me out of shock.

“Let us in,” I said, dazed.

We heard the lock click. He hit me while holding the rock, flinging me against the door. The force of it pushed the door open. I hit the floor and saw the mudroom upside down. Josh shoved the game room door closed, but there was a commotion on the other side. I stared up at the two of them.

“Let me in, Josh,” Verloren said, clutching the rock.

Josh’s voice remained low and calm. “I can’t, she’ll kill you.”

“What?” he asked, laughing.

I jumped up off the floor and staggered. Verloren turned on me, fuming.

“Some things have changed around here,” I said, backing away from him.

“Or maybe things never change. What have you done now, Jason?”

“It wasn’t him.” Josh butted in. “It was the demon. After she killed him, her abilities were… different. If she touches you now, you’ll die.”

A silence fell. Ash begged from inside. Lex and Jenny tried to comfort and calm her.

“She can take a life? Like a demon?” Verloren asked.

“Yes, and it works when she’s really emotional,” I said.

Ashley grew frantic and Verloren’s face twisted. It was killing him.

“Lex, get her a drink!” I yelled.

Josh told him: “It’s the only way we know to shut it off. For some reason, drinking disables it.”

Ashley, we will let him in if you calm down, I told her.

I want to see him now! I have to! I can see it in his mind, it’s him! Please let me see him!

Verloren’s voice broke: “Ash.”

On the other side of the door Lex talked Ash into taking a drink. We heard glass break, and I felt Ash fall into a peaceful state. She was ready to see him.

“We’ll let you in, but wait before you let her touch you,” Josh told him.

Lex had Ashley on the sofa. Josh led and I followed behind this possible Verloren. Josh stepped on the broken glass of the vodka bottle. The new guy shook and stumbled — not at all like Verloren’s graceful motions. This one was a clumsier-than-normal human. He trembled when he saw her; I thought he was going to pass out.

Jenny and Lex blocked Ash’s view. She strained to see him, dark tears streaking down her face. Their eyes met, and they reached for each other.

“Verloren!”

“Love!”

Josh stepped between them, and Verloren gave him a venomous stare. I could tell Ash was under control.

“Let him go,” I said. “They’ll be okay.” Josh withdrew.

Verloren took her face in his hands, and they searched each other’s eyes.

“You don’t look like Kurt Cobain anymore… more like… Davey Havok,” Ash whispered.

“Bitte verzeihen Sie mir,” Verloren replied. He laughed weakly, his eyes brimming with tears. He touched the rock hanging from her neck and closed his eyes.

Ash interpreted: Please forgive me.

A tear rolled down her cheek. She kissed him; pulling him onto the sofa. He gasped as I felt a strong sexual longing.

“Ash, you have to stop that,” I said. I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head.

Verloren crushed his body into hers and started running his hands under her shirt. Lex and Jenny started giggling.

I panted: “Ash… remember… you’ll drive him insane.”

She pulled away from the kiss, and kept her eyes locked on his. “I don’t care.”

Verloren continued to caress her and she gave into him.

I hadn’t noticed that Hania was standing in the doorway leading to the apartments. “But what about your bite?” Hania asked.

14 HUMAN SACRIFICE

Ash tried to calm Verloren. He gasped repeatedly as he gripped her shirt. Lex and Jenny giggled.

Josh whispered: “We might have to hose him down.”

“Not a bad idea,” I said. “We’re going to have to separate them, if we’re gonna keep him from getting bit.”

As Ash gave into her yearnings, I could feel her internal struggle. She wanted him, but at the same time, she was terrified of being with him. I grabbed Verloren, pinning his arms, as Josh grabbed Ash’s wrists. Verloren yelled something indecipherable. Ash could have thrown Josh off easily, but she didn’t. She knew what was right.

“You guys have to cool it!” I shouted.

Verloren bucked, but he was no stronger than an infant. When he realized his weakness, he whimpered with longing.

“Come on, Ash, think…” Josh told her. “What would he become?”

Ash stared, glassy-eyed. Verloren’s body went limp. Josh released her. Swooning from the liquor, she sank back into the sofa. I let go of Verloren and he edged back to her and gripped her hand. He was like a blind man given sight.

“Sarah and Jack are going to be sorry they missed this,” said Jenny.

Verloren looked her. “Jack made it okay?”

We all looked at him.

“So it was you,” Jenny said. “You’re the unknown caller.”

“Hold up,” Josh said. “Start at the beginning.”

Lex rushed to help Hania as he shuffled toward a chair.

I watched the guy on the sofa. Everything was different. His eye color, height, and the colorful tattoos contrasted with Ashley’s pure white coloring. I didn’t like it. Verloren looked at Hania and furrowed his brow. “I don’t know where to start. There’s so much information.” He looked at Ash. “We have souls.”

Hania raised his eyebrows.

“Incarnate vampires have souls,” Ash said. “Jessica was right.”

Verloren smiled at her. “All vampires have souls,” he said. “What they become is less than desirable, and no one ever remembers them. That’s why people believe a vampire soul is lost.” He looked back at Hania. “It’s just like they said it would be. You’re everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I could see everything and nothing. The most overwhelming thing is… I remembered everything.” Verloren’s face lit up. “Not just my vampire life, but all of my lives. After all the years of living as a vampire, I’d forgotten, but when I died, it all came back, all my lives, and all the spells… as if I’d never forgotten them.” He looked at Ash. “And you… I remembered all of our lives together. I remembered every moment I was a vampire, everything that I had forgotten. The tortured years that I searched for you, the painful times when I knew I was forgetting as I struggled to hold on to your memory… centuries when I didn’t even know you existed.”

Ash searched his eyes. Suddenly, I was plunged into a different world. The scene changed, yet it was the same. It happened over and over, like a slide show through time. Finally I stood dazed in the game room, looking at the faces around me. They all wore the same stricken expression. It was just as I’d seen Ash’s dream. This time she was showing us Verloren’s memories. It was like nothing she’d done before. We stood there in shock.

“Sorry,” Ash whispered. “That’s something I’ve been working on.”

Hania smiled at her, then said to Verloren: “And you saw the connections.”

Verloren nodded. “I saw every connection between soul mates. It was a jumble of lights stretching from one person to another. Some were left out, alone.”

“People don’t meet their soul mates in every life,” Hania said. “There are gaps in time and distance that prevent it.”

Verloren glared at me. “Every time someone spoke my name, I was there for a brief moment, and then I was nowhere again.” He looked back at Hania. “Sarah was talking about me to Lex and I was here for only a few seconds. I heard a small bit about the demon being dead and I was relieved. When I drifted away into nothing, I saw Sarah’s line drawn directly to Jack. Jason said my name, and I saw Ash. I thought she was dying so I waited. Now that I could remember, and was free of the virus in death, I would be able to remember whenever we could be reborn.” He turned to Ashley. “But then I saw a different scenario, and I knew you weren’t dying. I had to come back, I couldn’t wait… I thought you were moving on… forgetting me…”

Ash sobbed, and drunkenly attacked him with a passionate kiss. He touched her neck. We all heard her thoughts.

It wasn’t like that, it was completely my fault. I would rather be dead than have you think I would ever forget you.

She played the whole hotel scene for everyone and I burned with embarrassment. My body tensed and I wanted to make her confess that she’d started it. I’d been trying to comfort her. I took another deep breath and realized I was being pulled to her now. Verloren broke from her kiss and smiled at me. He was such an ass. He found it funny that I was still drawn to her even as she pulled him in. He had her and I never would. It was as if he were crowing with triumph.

“That wasn’t the only time I kissed Jason,” she said.

She replayed the night we had gotten drunk and then the day I had forced her to kiss me and she’d kissed me back — when she admitted she loved me.

“Yeah,” I jeered at him. ”How do you like them apples, asshole?”

His face fell. Doubt started to eat at him.

“I’m sorry,” Ash said.

He laughed. “Don’t be sorry, love. I know the love you feel for Jason could never compete with what you feel for me.”

Ash whispered: “I feel like I betrayed you.” She dropped her head.

He lifted her chin to look in her eyes. “If there were ever anyone keeping score, you’re still ahead. I abandoned you. You kissed Jason. I think my crime is far worse than yours. Besides, I know you would have never done it if he hadn’t provoked you.” He thumbed away her tears, glanced at me, then kissed her.

I could’ve killed him.

“You said vampire souls become something no one remembers?” Hania asked.

“Vampire souls become reapers. They transport souls from death to a new life. The only trick to being reborn is getting help from one of these transporters. No one remembers them; the process is too quick for that. The reapers themselves aren’t meant to be reborn until long after their deaths. For some souls it’s punishment. Being a reaper is a vampires penance for crimes in this life.”

“Like shinigami?” Jenny asked.

“What’s a shini… say that again,” Josh said.

“Shinigami,” Hania replied, “is what the Japanese call death spirits. They’re a band of reapers. The Japanese don’t believe in one death deity, like the Grim Reaper, but in several different death gods.”

Josh looked at Jenny. “You’re not Japanese, you’re Chinese.”

“Why do I have to be Japanese to know about their culture?”

Josh threw his hands up in surrender and took a step back from her.

Lex brought the focus back to Verloren. “So obviously you weren’t reborn.”

“I had some help swapping souls,” Verloren said.

“You fucking possessed someone?” I asked.

Verloren looked at me. “He was already gone. I wasn’t pushing the soul out of the body. The soul had moved on to be reborn because the body had died; I waited for a doctor to revive the body. If the body didn’t get revived, my soul couldn’t live there.”

“Wow, that’s fucked up,” Josh muttered.

“I had a lot of help from a reaper that owed me big. This is the body where I succeeded. The soul left it vacant for a few minutes and, before it was revived, I got in. Months later, I woke from a coma. The body had been injured in a car wreck. The muscle atrophy was severe, and I’m still having problems adjusting to the new height.” He pushed his hair out of his eyes and it immediately fell back. “I feel sorry for the man’s parents. They hovered over me every day, the doctors wrote off my strange behavior as part of the coma’s effects. The physical rehab was grueling. I left the hospital as soon as I could.”

Lex spoke: “You said you had to have help, from someone who owed you. Another reaper?”

“Yes.”

“Who?” Jenny asked.

Verloren hesitated. “Kale.”

“What?” everyone shouted at once.

“A penance for his crimes,” Verloren said. “He won’t remember; he was only human before he was a vampire.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be reborn,” Ash said.

“Some people get a second chance whether they deserve it or not,” Verloren said.

Verloren and Ash stared at each other, sharing a private conversation. A hazy picture formed:

I stood among a group of people on top of a large stone structure. The sky was pitch-black and a few of the people held torches. In the center a woman was sprawled across a stone surface. Men stood by holding bowls while two others held her down. Another man raised a crude pointed stone above his head.

I groaned as I recognized a scene of human sacrifice. The picture wavered and vanished.

“What the hell was that?” Jenny asked.

“I was showing Ash another of our lives, and the origins of the vampire virus,” Verloren said.

“Sorry,” Ash whispered.

“I was a Mayan priest.” Verloren turned to Hania. “In that life the born knowing had a pact with the werewolves. The people needed faith in gods. The werewolves gave them shape-shifting deities who would use inhuman powers to dish out justice. We fed them the lawbreakers and they protected our cities. We saw it as an even trade.”

Hania asked: “So the born knowing did as they always did, helping people… and learning.”

“Learning?” Verloren asked. “I guess you break a few eggs to make an omelet.”

Ashley frowned.

Verloren nodded. “The priests conducted experiments to help the sick. A strange sickness was spreading, making people waste away. One of the born knowing had this idea… about mixing the sacrificed blood into potions… and it worked. The virus mutated and made the sick stronger… much stronger. Then they found quicker ways to get medicine.”

Lex spoke: “They started attacking people.”

“Yes,” Verloren said, “and the werewolves were sent to destroy them. Some of the sick fled and went into hiding… and I believe this is how the vampire virus was born. Over time it mutated into what it is today.” He looked back at Ash. “You were my bride in that life.”

Ash beamed at him.

“A married priest?” Josh asked, confused.

Hania responded: “Not all religions enforce celibacy on their religious instructors.”

Verloren and Ashley fell all over each other. It made me sick. They were happy, while I was still miserable. I’d lost Ash again. “So that’s how you ended up with the clunker,” I said, mocking Verloren’s scrawny frame.

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” he said, looking down at his tattooed arms and hands.

“I think you’re beautiful,” Ash whispered. “So colorful… like a peacock.” She pushed his bangs out of his eyes and fell into him clumsily.

“That’s because you’re wearing beer goggles,” I told her.

“Funny,” Verloren snapped at me. “I thought you viewed tattoos as… battle scars.” I felt the blood drain from my face. For a split second I allowed myself to feel the tug. It was strong still. I ached to punch him in the face. How had he read my thoughts about Oz’s tattoos?

“How’d you know…?” I started.

He said arrogantly: “You shouldn’t let a born knowing touch you. It doesn’t have to be palm-to-palm.”

His eyes shifted from me to the door then back. I looked over my shoulder and realized… Jack, him, and now she would be coming.

“You… you wouldn’t. No… you asshole!” I dashed out from the room and took refuge in my apartment.

Fuck! She was really coming. I paced franticly. I wanted to stay and give in to her. I’d promised Ash. But Ash’s situation wasn’t completely settled, was it? After all, Verloren was practically human now.

I had to get out. I opened my closet and veered toward the bathroom. I couldn’t even decide what to take. So I lit a cigarette. I’d started shoving clothes in a duffle bag when Josh called through the door: “He didn’t mean it. He just wanted to see you sweat.”

What a dick! I was the butt of the joke for the rest of the day.

Hania was right, I was afraid to commit to this girl. It took Verloren’s jackass joke to make me realize how badly I wanted to escape her arrival.

I was terrified of being a lifelong prisoner to someone else’s needs. What if she wanted kids? It would be the end of fun. I felt sick to my stomach. I hated responsibility and stress. I wanted the freedom to be an irresponsible asshole. I wanted to be Peter-fucking-Pan.

I blocked my thoughts, not wanting Ash in my head. I didn’t need to. She was busy reuniting with her soul mate, and besides, she was drunk. Why would she bother with me?

15 THE DILEMMA

“So… will you do it?” Verloren asked Sarah.

Ash cuddled him. They both looked at Sarah, expecting her to agree.

Sarah pursed her lips and frowned. “No.”

I laughed silently as their faces dropped. So much for getting whatever you want, I thought, making my next shot on the billiard table.

“Why?” Ash whispered.

Sarah leaned toward her. “Because I’m certain the bite is only erotic for a human if the vampire and the human have an emotional connection. I think that’s why my transformation was so painful.” She shook her head.

“I don’t care,” Verloren said.

“I do,” Sarah countered. “I don’t wish that kind of pain on anyone.”

Verloren held his hand out to her. “Just one quick bite and it will be over with.”

Sarah looked insulted.

Lex took her shot, then poked me in the stomach with her pool stick. I grunted and tried to pay attention to the game. I made a clumsy shot. Lex jeered me and looked at the balls.

Sarah was gearing up for Jack’s first hunt. She wanted him to feed from a human. Ash was going and they planned a stop at Coylene Gill’s to pick up donated blood for Abigail.

I sighed and took my turn on the pool table. The cue ball hit nothing before sinking into the side pocket.

“Scratch,” Lex crowed.

I groaned. “Can’t we play a video game?”

“You’re just mad because I’m kicking your ass.” She pulled the cue ball from the pocket and looked at me. “If you paid half as much attention to the game as you do to their conversation, you might actually win.”

“Why do you always gotta bust my balls?”

“Because it’s fun.” She waved her hand in dismissal. “Run along and find out what their planning before you go nuts.”

I smashed her faux hawk. She grumbled as she spiked it back up. I walked up and leaned on the back of Sarah’s chair. All three were mired in silent conversation.

“So am I going with you guys to clean up, or what?” I asked.

Sarah started, surprised to find me behind her. Ash was aggravated and Verloren seemed miffed, as if he were losing an argument.

What’s the fight about? I asked Ash.

“We’re not arguing, we’re just disagreeing on how some things need to be dealt with,” Ash said.

“In my book, that’s called fucking arguing,” I said.

“You might as well tell him,” Sarah said. “He’ll just aggravate us to death until you do.”

“Sarah refuses to turn Verloren,” Ash said. “She believes it will cause him pain because they don’t share an emotional connection. Verloren knows she’s right. That’s why Jesse reacted the way he did when I bit him. When there is no emotional connection, the bite is excruciating.”

I remembered the demon’s howls of anguish, the memory’s pain reverberated between Ash, Verloren, and me.

Ash said: “The only way it wouldn’t cause him pain is for me to do it and we don’t know what that would do.”

Sarah spoke up. “I suggested she test it on someone else first.”

“Wait a minute… you’re going to do this?” I asked.

“I’m not conducting an experiment,” Ash snapped at Sarah.

“You don’t have to,” said Verloren. “I’ll find a way back if it goes wrong.”

“I won’t lose you again!” Ash sobbed.

“And now you see the dilemma,” Sarah grumbled.

“Please,” Verloren whispered, touching Ash’s cheek.

I put my wall up. Here was my chance. I could be the guinea pig and live forever. I could be powerful and stronger than any other werewolf. Could I find a smooth way to suggest it?

“You can try it on someone else,” I told Ash.

“Incarnates won’t sign up for a suicide mission,” she said. “You and I have a connection, but what if that can only happen with incarnates? And what if I wound up with a bond to the volunteer? The incarnate volunteer could turn into some kind of abomination, not living, but not dead.”

“You wouldn’t have to make a new connection. You can change me,” I said.

“No!” Verloren and Ash spoke in unison.

“It would have to be a born knowing to be certain,” Sarah said.

The rejection infuriated me and I had to stifle a shift. “You guys are a bunch of fucking cowards. Find another vampire to bite his ass since Sarah is too chicken shit. Or get Jack to do it.” He could wither in pain for all I cared.

“I won’t let someone else do it,” Ash said. “Verloren has confirmed what Sarah was afraid of. It will be painful for him. And my bite is unpredictable.”

“I will come back,” Verloren insisted.

“What if you can’t? We don’t know for sure that a soul can survive my virus.”

Verloren whispered: “I will always find a way back to you.”

The two of them stared at each other, continuing their conversation in silence. Verloren looked as if he was about to break down.

“All right,” Ashley said, “but with conditions. I’ll turn you, but if anything bad happens, I’ll give you two years, then I follow.”

Verloren hesitated, then finally nodded.

“What?” I shouted. “No! You’re not going to kill yourself if this—”

“What does it matter to you, Jason?” Verloren asked.

“It’s fucking stupid. She doesn’t have to kill herself.”

“You don’t understand what it’s like to lose your soul mate,” he said.

I snapped, nearly losing all control. I loomed over him and pointed in his face. I tensed to stay human, shouting: “You’re the one who doesn’t understand! I was here the whole time! I felt everything she felt; don’t tell me I don’t know how it feels, because I know exactly how it feels! I felt every fucking hurt!”

Verloren smacked my hand away and stood up. His face was only inches from mine. “You only stayed to try and fuck her,” he hissed. “It’s the only reason you want her to turn you now!”

“You told me to stay and take care of her, dip shit!” I shoved him back onto the sofa. I tensed my muscles, held my shape, and growled: “She would have died without me! I was keeping my promise to you! That’s what friends do!” Suddenly the tugging froze my chest. I shivered and stepped backward. Somehow I knew Oz was in her werewolf shift. My body was reacting to hers, wherever she was.

Their eyes connected with mine. I dropped the anger like a receiver fumbling a football. I didn’t try to recover.

“She’s close, isn’t she?” Verloren said.

Longing burned through me, but I resisted telling them. It didn’t matter. They knew.

“You’ll still have her when I’m gone,” Ash said. She took Verloren’s hand. “This is what I want, Jason, to be with Verloren wherever he is. Whether that’s here, or in oblivion, I don’t care. As long as I’m with him, I’m okay.”

I felt weak, vulnerable, and exposed. “Do whatever you want,” I growled. “If it tickles you fucking pink to blow your head off, then do it.”

Verloren chuckled. “I can’t wait to see you falling all over this girl.”

“Shut the fuck up,” I mumbled.

“It won’t make you weak to give in,” Ash said. “You’re about to run out of excuses.” She whispered to Verloren: “I’ll go with Sarah and feed. Then when I get back…” She trailed off, embarrassed.

Verloren smiled. “Either I’ll join you or you’ll follow me.”

“Gross,” I complained. “You guys are doing it here? At least Sarah didn’t subject us all to that noise.”

“You enjoy it, you pervert!” Ash yelled.

“I don’t just hear you,” I said. “Our emotions are too integrated. I feel what you feel, and being a man… it’s… fucking frustrating.”

Sarah stifled a giggle. I shot her a venomous look.

“We’ll have to stay here,” Verloren said. “We need a controlled environment.”

Sarah kept a lid on her laughter.

“What’s so funny?” I growled.

“It’s funny that you are always so worried about how much noise people make, when you’re the loudest.”

“What?” I barked.

“You are loud, Jason,” Lex said.

I burned with embarrassment.

“It’s a werewolf thing,” Verloren said.

“Did I miss the memo about this being ‘fuck with Jason day’?” I asked. No one bothered to answer.

16 UNKNOWN SHADOW

The plan was cut-and-dried. They’d pissed me off so I would shut up. Now I turned the volume up and let Us, From Outside fill the car.

I drove the Lincoln as Ash and Sarah chitchatted in back. We were going to Seattle. The tugging in my chest faded as I headed east. Unlike before, this was now my safest direction.

In the back seat they debated whether to share a meal. “It’s a waste of resources to take three people,” Ash said.

“Ashley, I’ve done this,” Sarah replied. “You need to feed as much as possible. Half isn’t going to do it. It would probably be better if you had two to yourself.”

“No, two is way too many. It’ll be bad enough if three people go missing in one night. I say share one,” Ash told her. “That way it’s only two people missing.”

Sarah lowered her voice to a whisper: “I’m telling you. Once you’ve bitten him and the lust takes over, it’s going to be hard to control yourself. He’s not going to tell you to stop, it will be too orgasmic for him, and you could end up killing him. Think about what it was like when you were bitten.”

I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Ash’s face. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Mind your own business, Jason!” Ash yelled.

I turned the volume down. “So it’s okay to give me a hard time about fucking, but if I say anything, I’m a pervert. Sarah’s right. I’ve been around vampires long enough to know you really need to feed as much as possible. First off, you’re a vampire, and everything she said is true. Second, you were a dragon; you feed off sex, so it might be more intense than a regular vampire. And third, you haven’t gotten laid in a long time, and I’m sure you’re going to fuck his brains out. He’ll be lucky if he lives, though I have to say, that would be one hell of a way to go.”

Ash smacked me on the back of the head, then bared her fangs and growled.

“Ouch! Damn it, Ash!” I rubbed the back of my head. “What the hell?”

“Mind your own business, pervert!”

“I’m just telling you the fucking truth,” I mumbled, and watched Lake Crescent slide by in the sunset.

“I have enough to worry about without everyone telling me I’m going to kill him. No one is even worried about what he might become. You seem more worried about what we’re going to be doing behind closed doors than anything else.”

“Hey,” I protested, “who the fuck do you think is going to have to put him down if it goes bad? Would you volunteer? I don’t think so. Then once I’d killed him, think what a pleasure it would be to hang around you. Not only would your grief go into high gear, but I’ll be the one who did him in. We’d get along great after that.”

They fell silent. I blocked my thoughts from Ash, but I knew I’d hurt her. Still, we couldn’t avoid the fact that this was an experiment, so there was no sense getting her hopes up. It could all come crashing down on her head.

Fabi was on the ground. Why did the angel have to be so weak? She should be able to stop this. Ashley pinned Jesse, but the demon still struggled. Verloren and I wrestled for the gun. One of these three had to stop this. There was only one solution.

“Kill me!” I yelled.

Fabi rose to her feet. Smoke obscured everything. It was just me and Verloren struggling for control of the weapon.

The demon hissed: “That was a huge failure.”

I growled in frustration. I was about to kill my best friend, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

“Jason! Kill Ashley!” the demon yelled.

Verloren and Fabi both shouted. My spine surged, and the command ran like energy through my arm. I yanked the gun from Verloren. The smoke cleared, and I pointed the gun as Fabi lurched forward. Ash closed her eyes as I pulled the trigger.

The bullet made an odd sound as it ricocheted off Fabi. Verloren shook, then his body went limp.

After a few awkward seconds I turned the music back up.

I’m sorry, Ash told me.

Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything. I’m just trying to be realistic.

I keep putting you in these screwed up situations where you end up looking like the bad guy.

It doesn’t matter; I’m a bad guy anyway.

But you’re not really. Deep down… you’re really a good guy.

Are we going to talk about our feelings now? Because I’d rather not. You’re such a girl.

She ignored me. You were willing to sacrifice yourself for Verloren. Then… you stayed and took care of me, to keep me alive. You hunted me down and saved me from myself a second time. You were willing to become immortal to take care of me, even though the outcome could have been bad… I just wanted to thank you.

Loyal, like the family dog, I thought.

Have you given her any more thought?

As the tugging faded it was getting easier.

Why? I asked.

When are you going to go to her?

Are we really going to talk about this? I thought angrily. I’m not. If she wants me, she can find me. I told you that I would stay with you until she came for me.

Well that’s shitty.

Why? Isn’t it a double standard? It’s okay for a man to chase after a woman, but the tables can’t be turned? If it really is a soul mate thing, then she has to feel the same pull. She can find me.

The rest of the ride was quiet. I napped on the ferry, while Ash and Sarah hid themselves in the back seat. Neither one of them had bothered to color their hair, so they pulled their hoods to cover it. Ash still had to hide her nubby black horns.

I thought about picking up a girl just to ruffle Ash’s feathers. She would share a room with Sarah, and I could have a room to my own, so why not make a night of it? I drove south on 5 in silence.

Finally Ash said: “Where are you going? You just missed our exit.”

“I want to go to the Can Can,” I said.

“You would,” Sarah grumbled under her breath.

“No, Jason. We’re going to a club where it will be crowded,” Ash said.

“The Can Can will be crowded,” I told them.

Sarah spoke: “Find one of the big clubs so we can get in and out.”

“What, you’re not going to play with your food this time?” I said.

Sarah ignored me. I headed for a large club that wouldn’t have a line. With Ash’s horns showing, Sarah wanted to get in and hide quickly. Some clubs didn’t allow hats and baggy clothes, but I picked one that didn’t have a dress code.

We walked in as a group. The girls went straight for the shadows along the wall. I had only taken a few steps toward the bar when the smell hit me. Either there was a fucking troll in here or one had just left. I gagged as I pushed through the crowd. We would rush this one. I ordered three shots and made my way back to the girls.

When I found them, they’d multiplied. Two girls talked to Sarah. Ash shied away from them, preferring more anonymity in her hunts. Ash smelled the troll, and wrinkled her nose.

Sarah was wrapped up in conversation, so I sidled up to Ash and handed her two shots. She needed the liquid courage. Sarah was too busy flapping her gums to drink. I could feel Ash’s anxiety. She absolutely hated large crowds and didn’t do well with meeting new people.

She fidgeted. Her nerves were getting the best of her. Verloren’s fate rested on her shoulders and that was eating at her. I drank my shot and pictured Tyler touching her. Verloren always did that too. Maybe Ash needed to be comforted. I took her cold hand and gave her a reassuring nod. She smiled at me wearily. One of Sarah’s new friends eyed me.

“Hey… it’s the face!” the girl cried.

I looked at her again, suddenly realizing that this was Oz’s vampire, Sandy. I scanned the room franticly.

“Oh… don’t worry.” Sandy laid her hand on my arm. “She’s not here.” She looked at Ash. “You sure did get her panties in a bunch.” She laughed.

Ash mimicked my look of confusion as she read Sandy’s mind.

Sandy noticed a tall girl with short spiked blonde hair who’d just stepped up beside her. “Oh… sorry, Kristy.”

Kristy stared as Ash shook her hand free of mine. The new girl examined me, nervously running her hand through her short hair, then scratching her scalp. She looked pissed off about something.

“Where’s Oz?” Sarah asked Sandy.

Sandy opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off, snapping: “I don’t want to know.”

Sandy recoiled. The troll stench was getting to me, and now Sandy wanted to tell me exactly what I didn’t want to know. I had to get out of there.

Kristy’s anger transformed into glee. She stared at me, smiling smugly. She stepped into the darkness where she disappeared into thin air. Ash saw Kristy vanish. With all her attention on Sandy, Sarah missed it.

The blonde was a shadow swimmer, a rare breed who could be damn handy. They could walk into a shadow, disappear, and then reappear in any other shadow anywhere in the world — a cross between transporter and chameleon. We could’ve used a shadow swimmer at our house. They could instantly go anywhere in our huge, shadowy forest. She would be a great match for the gargoyles.

As Sandy rambled on to Sarah, I thought about what I’d just seen: my first swimmer. I’d heard of them, and maybe I’d seen them, but if I had, I was unaware. I wondered, why had she left? Or had she left at all? If so, where did she go? Why had she smiled strangely at me before she disappeared? Did she know Oz? Had she gone to her to tell her where I was? Ash’s anxiety fed my paranoia, and I began to feel jittery.

I nudged Ash, and whispered: “I’ll be in the car. Hurry up.”

Why? she asked.

I don’t want to be here.

I don’t either, it stinks. She’s not close, Jason. You’d be able to feel it.

I know you’ve read Sandy’s mind, but I don’t want to know where she is. Don’t tell me… I just want to get away from this troll-ass stench.

Ash replied: I knew where she was before we came because Verloren told me, not Sandy. That other girl, the one who disappeared… She’s Oz’s ex-girlfriend. She went to tell Oz she saw you holding hands with another girl. Kristy dumped Oz the night you two saw each other and now Oz won’t take her back. Kristy’s sorry she dumped her and wants her back.

I wasn’t sure how to take that. Did I care if news about me crushed Oz, or kept us apart? Or maybe it would just get her off my back for a while. Maybe she’d stop looking for me. The whole thing pissed me off, but I wanted to keep my thoughts to myself for once. I was fighting to do that, and I was losing. The smell didn’t help. I could feel my body tensing, and trying to shift. Ash was catching some of my thoughts. I left abruptly.

I stormed outside where I gulped the cool night air. In the car I sat back and felt Ash’s anxious reactions to the big crowd inside. Then I sensed the tug. It was faint. Should I have let them tell me where Oz was? Maybe it was time to find her. If she got word I was with someone else would she still come looking? Did I care?

I was running out of excuses. Verloren’s presence had angered me, but I’d come to accept it. I no longer had any reasons to stay. Ash wasn’t going to be my priority much longer. I could see change coming, but I had no idea what that meant.

Fifteen minutes into my meditations, the girls came out with another girl and a guy. It was mealtime.

17 CLOSING CONSEQUENCE

Ash rode shotgun while the other three crammed into the back. The girls were rushing this one. When we reached the hotel they instructed me to get only one room. I wanted a room for myself, but they protested.

With all five of us crammed into a crappy double, the girls situated the humans. The guy and the girl both stared, their eyes glazing over in sheer terror. Once they were set, Sarah went out the door.

“Where’s she going?” I asked.

“She wants to make hers look like an accident, and leave the corpse,” Ash said. “That way it’s only two missing.” Ash cast her gaze on the man. He stood, ready to follow. “I’ll leave the pretty girl for Jack. He’ll enjoy that.”

I found it hard to believe that Sarah would want Jack to feed directly from the source. She’d never let Abby do it. From what I gathered, drinking the donated blood simply wasn’t as satisfying. I’d never known a vampire who could resist indulging, at least once in a while, but I would’ve guessed that Sarah would ease Jack into it. This would be his first kill. Would he be able to handle it? Donated blood was one thing, but actually killing the human took a different mentality. I didn’t think he could cope with it.

Ash’s selection followed her into the bathroom. She pulled off her sweatshirt and tossed it to me through the open door. She rubbed her bare white arms. I looked back at the vacant girl. She sat at the desk, staring at nothing. Ash fed in the bathroom.

The man wore a button up dress shirt, and was a foot taller than Ash. She unbuttoned the top of his shirt, pulled open the collar to expose his jugular. His racing heart would help force the blood out. She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down.

At times like this I could be a bit of a pervert, tapping into the ecstasy of Ash’s feeding habits. It was like an orgasm, yet she never hid it. Could she? I didn’t know. She hesitated, inhaled, then bit through his flesh with sickening force. Her mind and body flew into uncontrollable frenzy. I mirrored her pleasure. An almost inaudible moan escaped her lips as she drained him.

My insides trembled. I lost all vision as my eyes rolled up in my head. The sensation was unreal. I fought to get my sight back, gripping the doorframe just to stay upright. The towering hulk crumpled. Ash sank with him, her lips never leaving his neck. She wanted it all. I shook my head clear and took a deep breath. She pulled away from his neck, choking and gasping. As she went into a rhythmic panting, she looked up at me.

Blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. Serenity spread over me and I felt sleepy and content. Ash was full. She wiped at her mouth, but only smeared the blood, then went to the sink and washed her face. I checked on the human girl. She sat still.

As Ash dried her face on a towel, I dispensed with formalities. I ripped open the guy’s shirt, littering the floor with buttons. I started pulling my clothes off. Ash was inspecting her face in the mirror when it dawned on her that I was going into my own feeding frenzy. I’d stripped into nakedness before she got out of the bathroom. I thought it was hilarious that my nudity made her uncomfortable. I went through the process of ripping, tearing, shredding and consuming Ash’s leftovers. I was almost done showering when I heard the strange whimpering. I paid it no attention, thinking it was just some imagined sound rising from the racket of the shower. Or maybe Ash was napping, and I was hearing her delicate snores. Then I clearly heard a cry, followed by silence — the girl.

I jumped from the shower, pulled a towel around me, and flung open the bathroom door. Sarah stood by Jack’s meal. Ashley sat on the edge of a bed, her eyes strange and excited.

I blurted: “What the fuck?”

“Completely my fault,” Ash said, blinking. “I fell asleep, lost my mental hold on her, but luckily Sarah showed up just as I nodded off. She caught her before she got out.”

“Fuck! You guys need to get your heads out of your asses. You’re going to get us caught.” I glanced down at the puddle of water at my feet, then shot Sarah a venomous look. “That didn’t take you long. You probably ate close by, didn’t you? Shit! You guys are getting sloppy, and it’s not going to get better having five of you living together.”

Ash and Sarah exchanged worried glances. I went back into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later I left the key at the desk.

I was glad it was Ashley directing the human girl to her doom. Though the girl’s terrified eyes might give her away, at least Ash had her walking with a natural gait. If she’d been Sarah’s she would’ve been stumbling forward, fighting her captor’s mental grasp.

We pulled out of the lot slowly, then sped down the highway. This was bad. Three people in one night, sloppy, and hurried — I couldn’t believe Sarah. After all the talk of disguising hers as an accident, she’d eaten close by the hotel.

A few miles from the hotel we passed a cop, lights on, siren blaring. Once they were past us I sped up. I knew they must be responding to a call about whatever mess Sarah had left. It was my job to keep a low profile, while getting as far away as possible. I felt nervous till we got off the ferry. Seattle would be off limits for a while. We might show up on a hotel surveillance camera. I’d ask Verloren to keep an eye on the news. He loved watching that shit.

The ride home was quiet. Even when we stopped in Sequim at Coylene’s house, no one said a word. Ashley got out and jogged up the walk to the isolated cabin. A dim light burned inside. Ash returned briefly with a cooler and put it in the trunk.

I hoped the silence meant they were thinking about what they’d done. Covering up was a concern for even a single vampire. Two was pushing the envelope. Four was insane and, if Verloren survived the transition, it would be five. I couldn’t keep up with the leftovers. Someone would have to move.

At least I had plenty of strength. I’d never had such a regular diet, and with five I’d be eating a body every twenty-four hours. I pulled out my cell phone, called Jenny, and told her not to bother taking the car to the abandoned house. We would run home from the barn. Neither of the girls argued, and I needed to burn off some of my pent-up anger. Along with that came the tugging. It was my constant companion.

The further south I drove, the more I wanted to keep right on going. I might’ve followed the tugging right then and there, but the girls were with me. It was sunrise when I parked the car in the barn. Sarah got out in silence. She threw the girl over one shoulder, grabbed the cooler, and took off into the woods.

Ashley followed behind me. Once I was in the woods away from the road I took off my shirt and flung it in Ash’s face.

“Do me a favor and take my stuff to the house so I don’t have to carry it like a pack mule,” I said in a pissy tone.

She bit her lip as she folded my shirt.

“What’s wrong with you now?” I asked, knowing I should probably shut up. “The truth hurts, doesn’t it? You guys need to get your shit together.”

“I’m… I’m just nervous,” she said.

“I would be too after the stunt you guys pulled.”

“No… not that… just… about Verloren.” Again she nibbled her lip.

I wasn’t finished. “You guys made the deal. So you’ll have to take the consequences.”

She fidgeted as I kicked off my shoes. It was clear there was more. Girls never tell you everything.

I huffed. “What?”

“It’s just… I’ve never done this before and… his body is different…”

“Ahhh! No, no, no!” I threw my hands over my ears. “I don’t want to talk about vampire virgins and some dude’s fucking dick. Isn’t this something you should talk about with Sarah? Gross!”

She shut up, embarrassed. I’d hurt her. Why was she so goddamn sensitive and why did she always have to make me feel like such an ass?

I sighed. “You love him,” I said. “You won’t kill him. Sarah didn’t kill Jack; isn’t that proof? Your only real worry is the virus.”

She nodded, clutching my shirt to her chest.

“Now, unless you want to see my junk again, turn around so I can get undressed. Or would you rather be thinking about this-” I ran my hand over my stomach. “-when you’re doing the illustrated man?”

“You’re such an ass.” She huffed, turning away.

I disrobed, laughing as I threw my jeans at the back of her head, and shifted.

As soon as my claws touched the cold ground, searing heat burned through my chest. I dug in my claws, coughing and gasping for air. I howled, then crumpled onto the forest floor. Every breath burned. Ash’s icy hand touched my back. I buried my muzzle in cold mud, stifling my screams. The heat became bearable. Finally I lifted myself into a sitting position.

Are you okay? Ash thought, staring at me.

I think so.

“What the hell happened?”

I can’t explain it exactly. She must be in her shift… and the connection is strong. Don’t ask me how I know. I just do.

A door swung shut in Ashley’s thoughts.

What are you hiding? I asked her.

“Nothing.”

You’re a terrible liar, you know that?

Let’s go home.

Yeah, you wouldn’t want to keep Verloren much longer. He’s probably about to romance himself. When I laughed, it was a barking gurgle.

Ash rolled her eyes, picked up my clothes, and waved me off. I ran behind her all the way home, though my body screamed to go in another direction.

18 STILL ALONE

Once I’d shifted back the searing pains stopped, but it didn’t do anything for the pulling. When we got there everyone was asleep but Jenny. Sarah was waking Jack. I could hear their conversation, and heard his reluctance to make his first kill.

“Love will make you do strange things you never dreamed you were capable of,” Ash said, sensing the same thing I did.

“So I’ve noticed,” I murmured.

The news was on. I watched for evidence of any threats, but all they reported was a suspicious suicide, and the cops’ search for an unknown woman. Shit, I thought. Sarah was spotted. I knew it was a bad idea to hurry.

Ash read my thoughts. “It’ll be okay,” she said. “We’ll avoid Seattle for a while. Portland’s about the same distance.”

Jenny looked confused, so Ash filled her in as I watched for other reports.

Aren’t you supposed to be making a vampire or something? I asked Ash.

I want him to get some rest and a good human meal first, she told me.

In other words… you’re stalling.

Something like that. I’m still worried. If I’m not there when he wakes up, he’ll have to come out here. Then I can make him eat first. But if I go in there and wake him… he won’t want to eat. She dropped her head.

I felt her embarrassment, and kept my eyes on the screen. Jenny lay back on the sofa next to Ash, her eyes struggling to stay open.

I figured you girls would want to talk about boys, I thought. You know, braid each other’s hair and talk about who kissed who. ’Should I go all the way with him?’ and all that shit.

I’m never confiding in you about anything ever again, Ash told me.

Ash glared at me. I came back with a “whatever” look. Ash chuckled as Jenny’s head bobbed up.

Jenny looked at me sleepily. “What’s so funny?”

“Jason wants to know why I don’t talk about guys with you,” Ash said.

Jenny furrowed her brows and smirked at me. “Seriously?”

“What?” I asked.

“You don’t know?” Jenny asked.

“Know what? What the hell are you guys talking about? Everyone likes to talk in fucking riddles around here.”

“Jason… I’m gay,” Jenny said.

“What? No way… really?”

Suddenly I realized Jenny hadn’t had a boyfriend in all the time I’d known her. Whenever she’d given me the cold shoulder I figured she was just steering clear of my on-and-off relationship with Lex.

She shook her head. “I’ve never been with a man.” Turning back to the television, she added: “I figured you would have guessed.”

I looked at Ash. “Well that would explain why you don’t talk to her about guys.” Thinking that over, I asked: “How does that happen anyway? I mean… everyone has a soul mate so…”

“Born in the wrong body,” Jenny said.

“What about bisexuals?”

Ash smirked, knowing I was talking about Oz.

“Bisexuals don’t put any limitations on love,” Jenny said. “Unlike your refusal to give in to it.”

My chest ached as I thought how selfless Oz must be. I didn’t even realize I was growling until it stopped.

“The truth hurts sometimes, doesn’t it?” Ash said.

“So, Jenny, you must be a bit of a perv, watching the girls dress and undress.”

“No,” Jenny said, defusing my sarcasm with seriousness. “I have the utmost respect for these girls, and I close my eyes to their nudity. Just like Ash gives you privacy when you flaunt your manhood. The girls here are my friends, not my lovers; I know the difference.”

I laughed. “I’ve never really talked to you before, Jenny, but I like you. You’re like a dignified smartass.”

Ignoring my response, Jenny turned back to the television. A door shut, and someone stumbled down the hall — Verloren. Besides being groggy from the coma, he still wasn’t used to his new height.

When he appeared dressed in a mismatch of Jack’s clothes and mine, I wanted to laugh. Everything was too baggy. If we hadn’t been so rushed in Seattle, we might have found him some clothes that fit. He was waiting for a set of new clothes to arrive at the abandoned house, but when we’d been there I’d forgotten to check the porch for packages.

“There weren’t any,” Ash said, answering my thoughts.

Verloren headed straight for Ash. He sat down beside her and nuzzled her neck.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” he whispered.

“You need the rest,” she said, taking his hand. “You should eat too.”

“You’re awfully eager to have your succubus suck the life out of you,” I said.

Verloren glared at me. “Piss off, chupacabra!”

Jenny laughed hysterically.

“Hey, fuck you, Witchiepoo,” I said.

It was like he had never left. As Verloren and I settled back into our normal patterns, we were like competing brothers, each of us trying to be a bigger jackass. It was kind of nice to have him back.

Ashley stood, pulling him up. He followed her to the kitchen.

From where I sat it sounded as if he were eating more of her face than the food. Jenny had gone to sleep, and I flipped through the channels. I shook her gently to wake her. “Thanks for staying up to buzz us in,” I told her. “You can head to bed now, but first you have to answer a question.”

“If it has something to do with me and other girls you can screw yourself.”

“Not really, but kinda,” I said. “You lived here when Oz was here, right?”

“Yes,” she said, eying me.

“Were you two…?”

“God, you’re such a man,” She rolled her eyes. “You want to know if the two lesbians went at it. No.” She crossed her arms, glaring at the TV.

“Why? Is there something wrong with her? Or is she just not your type?”

Jenny sighed, realizing I was genuinely curious about Oz.

“I might have a large tattoo,” Jenny said. “But I couldn’t really get into her with all that ink. After a while I got past all that and realized she’s a pretty straightforward person. She tells you what’s on her mind.”

So she was headstrong. How would that work with my stubbornness? “Okay, you don’t like too many tattoos, but on that day at the beach, with the mermaid, you got embarrassed when Lex said the mermaid would take anyone she could seduce. She tried to seduce you, didn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“That would have been hot. I wouldn’t have minded watching that.”

Jenny’s anger flared as she saw me switch from sincere to smartass so quickly. “You’re such a pig!” she barked. She jumped up and stormed down the hall.

I laughed, but as my laughter faded, I heard stirrings from the kitchen.

Verloren and Ashley walked out and headed straight for their apartment. I waited until they were inside before I went to my door. I knew I needed to hide until Verloren and Ash were done for the day. I felt what Ash felt, and I couldn’t stand being around people while I was so worked up. Lex was sticking to our bargain, so I was left alone and frustrated.

I knew what it was like. Verloren had still been living his previous life when Ash and I had formed our connection. The minimal display I got from her feeding would be stronger now that sex was involved. She would take the feeding and mix it with him. I wondered if I should even be in the house when that happened.

If I’d had someone… but I didn’t. Instead I sat in my apartment trying to block out Ash’s flood of emotions. I turned up the stereo, and tried to create a wall of sound and thought. It didn’t work. The moment she bit him, I knew it, and I felt her feeding ecstasy almost as if it were my own. My body tensed, my eyes rolled back in my head, and I almost dropped my cigarette. In that moment I found my thoughts turning to Oz. Was this what it would be like? Would this feeling fill me? Would it go on forever? Would I want to spend the rest of my life with her?

Throughout the day the sensations flooded me. I paced like a caged tiger. As Ash’s emotions overwhelmed my body I could only think of Oz. Fuck! Why couldn’t she stop? I knew it had been awhile, but damn! She might kill him and drive me insane in the process.

After what felt like an eternity, I realized it was all Oz. Ash’s fire had dwindled, but Oz lingered in my mind. Soon Ash will be gone from my life, I thought. One way or another she’ll have Verloren and I will still be alone.

19 READY, SET...

Once all the commotion was over I fell asleep on my sofa. I woke up feeling edgy, wondering what Verloren had become. I listened. Ash’s nerves felt settled and everyone seemed to be at the pool. They sounded as if they were in good spirits. I had a smoke and went to the gym.

As they splashed in the pool, Hania sat back in his chair, watching. Looking bleached, Abby jumped from the water, ran to the deep end, and cannonballed in. Water sprayed through the laughter.

When Ash saw me, she nodded to Verloren. The virus was consuming half his face. I’d never seen a vampire change like that. His newly white skin had a strange sheen and, as he and Ash approached me, I saw he’d regained much of his balance and grace. The onset of the vampire virus usually took a toll on a human body, but with him it seemed to be making all the necessary repairs. The strange skin was forming on his face, neck, chest, and ribs. It poked out of his swim trunks below his knee. His tattoos were rapidly fading, though his sparse chest hair remained as black as the hair on his head.

I realized his skin wasn’t turning the same white as Jack’s, nor was it like Ash, Sarah, or Abigail. Mingling with the white was an unfamiliar silver hue. When he pushed back his bangs, his eyes were still brown.

“Well, at least she didn’t kill ya,” I said.

“No… she didn’t,” he agreed with a smile.

“How do you feel?”

“Pretty good.” He looked down at Ash and she took his hand.

She beamed at him. He pushed her snowy hair over her horns.

“No fever or any of that shit?” I asked.

“Nope,” Ash replied.

“Appetite?” I asked.

“Still human… for now,” he replied. “I doubt it’ll stay that way.” He bared his teeth. His canines were reforming into sharp points.

“That isn’t too bad,” I said. ”They won’t be that noticeable.”

Ash whispered: “The real test will be what happens to his meals when they’re dead.”

“I’m sure it will be no different than Abby’s,” said Verloren. “I’m getting that same vision I had before — being able to see what people are.”

“He thinks that’s why his skin is turning this color.” Ash touched his neck. He shuddered.

“Silver,” I said, “The witches… makes sense. But why didn’t it change that color the first time around?”

“Probably has something to do with the different virus,” Verloren said. “It’s given us one hell of a connection. We can’t hide our thoughts from one another.”

Ash bit her lip.

“Oh love, don’t do that,” he whispered.

He spoke something low in the strange singsong voice of the born knowing. She smiled and stood on her toes to kiss him. It was strange to see her kiss someone who had no resemblance to the man she’d loved before.

He took her in his arms, lifting her off the ground. Ash laughed. He carried her to the edge of the pool and threw her in. When she resurfaced he said something in another language and jumped in after her. She’d understood him by reading his thoughts.

I sat down beside Hania and watched everyone having a good time. He seemed content to do the same.

“They’re getting married, you know,” Hania said.

“Fucking married,” I said. “I thought eternity trumped marriage.”

Ash still wore the stone necklace Verloren had made for her. In that former life, they’d seen it as an engagement gift.

“I don’t know if the law would call it marriage,” said Hania, “but they want to have a ceremony, and a party down at the beach, invite people they know. Ash is letting the other girls plan it.” He leaned toward me, cupping his hand to his lips. “So you better watch your ass. They’ll make you wear something uncomfortable, and you better pretend to like it, and not ruin it for Ash.”

“How would I ruin it?” I asked.

“Jason, don’t play stupid with me. We all know how mouthy you can get.”

I couldn’t argue with him. I listened to the conversations in the pool. The plans were already starting. The girls discussed color schemes as if they were complicated battle plans.

“Shit. Can I just skip it?” I asked.

“You love both of them. You have to be there.”

“Fuck me,” I growled.

Hania chuckled. “Don’t worry. They have to wait for Verloren’s change to complete itself. You have at least a week.”

“Let’s not do it and say we did,” I groaned.

Hania patted my shoulder. “Maybe you need something to eat. Jack’s leftovers are in the dungeon.”

I was grateful for Hania’s warning, but it didn’t prepare me for the constant bombardment of orders, measurements, and movements. I barely got any sleep. If the girls weren’t poking at me to size my outfit, then I had to try crap on. It was easier when they sent me out to pick shit up, or return it because it wasn’t exactly the fucktacular color they’d specified.

Ash and Verloren sat back and drooled over each other. Ash’s virus spread quickly through Verloren. I recalled her telling me it had done the same with Abby, so it wasn’t that much of a surprise. His hair and eyes never changed, but the tattoos disappeared as the strange silvery skin covered his body. Standing alone he appeared to have normal vampire skin, but next to another vampire the contrast was striking. He’d be able to hunt alone, but with another vampire, humans would see something was odd.

Just as Ash was a hybrid with unique abilities, Verloren’s powers were singular too. He kept every power he’d had before with his knowledge of being a witch. He could still cast spells. But there was more.

The mind reading started on the second day. He could read and implant thoughts just as easily as Ash or Abby. With Ash’s newly-discovered ability to show people pictures, their mind games got out of hand. I would be playing a video game and the room would vanish. For a few seconds I’d be hurled into some other place, then I’d come back to reality. Ash would test me, showing me pictures of Oz she’d taken from Sandy and Kristy’s minds. To her it was comical, but I found it downright infuriating.

Those pictures only increased the tugging. Ash knew that, which only pissed me off more. I had to fight to keep from shifting.

By the third day the effects of Verloren’s bite looked complete. His stringy muscles filled out into a slim, but solid build. He was thrilled when he discovered his eyes weren’t sensitive like a regular vampire’s.

Tension built around his first feeding. He began by trying to take the girl’s aura. Nothing happened. He couldn’t even budge it. Still he fed from her until she was dead. All of us watched for possible reanimation. We let the body sit for half a day. Nothing happened.

I was reluctant to clean up after him. I was already tied to Ash and, if I could tolerate a connection to anyone else, it would be him. After all, we were like brothers. Also, being connected to Ashley was like being connected to him. Still, I wondered if there might be something unexpected.

I followed Hania, Ash, and Verloren to the holding cells to check the body. The woman lay as still as any corpse. Her eyes were the milky color of the dead and her skin was cold.

As I carried the body from the cell Ash’s worries invaded me. I tried to ignore her. If his virus didn’t reanimate the dead, then it wasn’t likely to create a connection.

The three of them followed me across the gym, then we split up. In my apartment I made quick work of the body, then I stood in the shower, letting the hot water wash the tension away. I waited. With Ash the initial connection had been like a horrible case of déjà vu and vertigo combined.

This time nothing happened.

I dressed and headed to their apartment. Ash opened the door before I knocked. Verloren sat on the sofa.

“I like you and all,” I told him, “but I’m glad you don’t have any more access to my head than you already did.”

He chuckled. “Ditto. Besides, I don’t know if I could deal with all that denial you’re in… about Oz.”

My chest tightened at the mention of her name. Was my stay here about to end? I hardly had time to think about it.

As the date of the party neared the house filled with people. Aubrey, the elf, and Coylene, came to witness. So did Fabi, to everyone’s surprise. I refused to talk to her. I still couldn’t forgive her for not saving Verloren’s life when she had the chance. That omission had begun so much suffering for all three of us. But Ash had invited her, so I followed Hania’s advice, and kept silent. I ignored Fabi.

I wondered what the living arrangements would be after this wedding thing. Verloren’s eating habits were turning out to be the same as a vampire’s, making five of them in one house. That wasn’t a good idea. With our sloppy work in Seattle, we were already avoiding the area’s biggest city, and if we did too much around Portland, that could raise red flags too. Only so many people could go missing before someone stumbled onto us.

I wasn’t thrilled about Portland. The tugging grew so strong there, it terrified me. When it came time for Jack and Sarah to feed, they took me along. They chose one human and agreed to share, but I refused to shift at a hotel.

“We’ll take him back with us,” I said.

“Jason, it will be easier if you just do it here at a hotel,” said Sarah, as she kept hold of their victim in the backseat.

“It’s over four hours to get home,” Jack pleaded from the shotgun seat. “Keeping a grip on his mind that long will be exhausting.”

I just wanted to go home. Why did they have to argue about it? I didn’t like shifting with the tugging this strong. It might lead to an episode like the one after Seattle. If the heat had been that bad when we were that far apart, how could I shift when she was nearby? I knew the answer. Shifting there would send me straight to her, and I wasn’t even close to ready.

“Does this have to do with Nicole?” Sarah asked.

“What if it does?” I growled.

Jack shook his head and we all fell silent. I kept driving. I wouldn’t risk shifting any closer than Aberdeen.

I glanced at Sarah in the rearview mirror, then I eyed her victim. He gazed forward, seemingly unaffected, except for a dull, glassy-eyed fear. Jack looked over his shoulder at Sarah and smiled. I huffed in disgust.

“It’s not that horrible, you know,” Jack told me. “You’re thinking she’s going to tie you down… that you aren’t going to be able to do what you want… be who you want. She really won’t.”

“I don’t need relationship advice, Dr. Phil,” I snapped.

He smiled. “No, you don’t… you just need to find her.”

20 ONE MORE

Portland wasn’t the problem. The pulling grew stronger the next day, making me pace through all my waking hours. Lex and Jenny watched me as if I were a time bomb. They knew what was agitating me.

The night before their party I paced my apartment, resisting the pull. I wanted to go out and run, but I was afraid where I might end up. I stepped out into the hallway. Jack caught me walking up and down the hall, running my hand in my hair. He chuckled as he passed me.

“What?” I snapped.

“Did I say anything?” he asked.

“No, but you want to.”

“I think you’re paranoid, Jason.” He went to the game room.

I followed him and found Ash curled up with Verloren on the sofa opposite Josh, who was playing a video game. I flopped down beside Josh, and grabbed the controller.

Abigail was gabbing with the redheaded Christina, a dragon. The other dragons, Larry and Zola, had just arrived. I hadn’t even known they were coming. I’d been too distracted by the tugging.

As people looked at me, I realized most of them could read my thoughts. I threw up a hasty wall. My eyes lingered on Zola. Did I feel something from her? We’d once had a fling and I wouldn’t have turned down another round.

“Nervous?” Verloren asked.

“No. Why would I be nervous?” I barked.

“No reason,” he said, kissing Ash’s forehead.

Did he think I was jealous? I was way past that. I just wanted this damn tugging to stop. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. When I opened my eyes again, Ash was stifling a laugh.

“What’s so fucking funny?” I growled.

“Jason, what did we talk about?” It was Hania’s voice.

“Jason, please watch your mouth around Abigail,” Sarah chided.

I gritted my teeth as I lost track of the video game. I dropped the controller and headed for the stairs. I didn’t care anymore. I was going to find her. I ran up the stairs, climbed out, disrobed and shifted.

There was no heat, no pain, just the insane attraction. She was in her human form. I struggled to find the right direction as my chest ached. It was as if my ribs were wrapped in chains and she was pulling. I screamed. Worry rose like a cloud from the house below. Dragons amplified everything, including my scream. I shook off their thoughts and tried to sense her direction. It was as if we were playing spin the bottle. I had to wait till it came to rest, pointing me to her.

I took off west, toward the beach, and stopped at the cliff to gaze at the sea, but felt none of the clarity this place usually brought me. I wanted to run down to the water, but my body didn’t cooperate. Lex had warned me about going to the beach alone, but now I wondered if death at the hands of the mermaid could be any worse than what I was already feeling.

I listened to my body, but still couldn’t make out the direction. I headed back toward the tree, but missed by a mile. I listened, but it was too maddening. For months I’d denied her; through all of it, I’d known where to find her. Now I was ready, but she was nowhere in sight.

I ran in a wide circle, hoping to sense her direction. I went for hours, but finally gave up. I was angry and frustrated when I ran into Verloren. He’d been waiting for me.

“Jason,” he called as I approached.

I growled, slobbering in frustration, then bared my teeth.

He smiled. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve been being a dick. If you’ll just hold out through tomorrow, I’ll help you. But don’t ruin this for Ash.”

I wasn’t used to talking to Verloren internally. I thought about shifting back, but my thoughts spilled out: Why is everyone so sure I’m going to ruin things? Why would me not being there ruin anything? Haven’t you guys been telling me to go find her?

“Just one more day, then I swear, we’ll help you find her.” Something in his voice seemed odd. Whatever it was it didn’t feel threatening, so I let it go.

If I don’t find her soon I’m gonna blow my brains out, I told him. I can’t take this anymore. It’s driving me mad. I don’t know if I can take one more day. It fucking hurts.

He hesitated. “Ash loves you; it would break her heart if you weren’t there. And… I’d really like for you to be there too. You’ve made it this long, I’m sure you’ll make it one more day.”

I hope you’re right.

21 CRAZY PLANS

That night I tossed and turned and looked at the clock. Finally I went out to run again, following the same routes, and suffering the same confusion. Though I knew leaving would make me a selfish asshole, I felt Ash would forgive me. If I’d known where to go, no other commitment would stop me. But I didn’t.

I’d left the door ajar and slipped back in just before dawn. Lex stood in the kitchen, arms folded, as she examined me. I opened the fridge to get something to drink. Her eyes followed me. I pulled out a can of Mountain Dew, opened it, and gulped down about half.

“What?” I finally asked.

“You’re still alive, so you didn’t go to the beach.”

“Thanks for your concern.”

“You will be there today,” she told me.

I slammed the can onto the counter, spilling a little. “Yes,” I barked. “I don’t know why you’re so worried. You all want me to go after her.”

I left the kitchen, fought the urge to pace, and went into my apartment. Someone had hung my stupid wedding outfit on my bathroom door. I glanced at it, then went in to take a shower. Before turning on the water, I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair would need cutting before I could spike up. I hadn’t shaved in a few days, giving me the look of a real werewolf.

I looked like a hot mess — the kind of wedding guest who disrupts the ceremony, then pisses on the cake. No wonder everyone was so worried. A part of it was the gauntness in my face. It reflected my starved body — thin and pale. I hadn’t eaten any real human-powered nutrition — werewolf fuel — since all these fucking people showed up. Yet I didn’t feel hungry. That was strange.

I stripped and stood on the scale; I’d lost ten pounds. It had to be all that running.

But why was I running? Frustration and aggravation. Why was I frustrated and aggravated? Because I couldn’t find her. This chick would be the death of me.

I cut my hair, shaved and showered, but dressed in my normal jeans and t-shirt. The jeans were baggier than normal. I tried to eat but my stomach knotted up. Again and again I found myself rubbing my chest. When I wasn’t rubbing, I was pacing. I felt like I should be doing something; I didn’t know what.

Early that afternoon someone knocked on my door. I opened it to a bubbly Christina. My anger simmered as she bounced on her heels. Once she sensed it she stilled herself and tried not to cringe. I was sure all the mind-reading gave her a good sense of how I felt. I wondered if it was as bad as what Ash had dished out to me when I’d taken care of her.

“Close,” Christina answered, reading the question in my mind. She checked the hallway, then whispered: “Hers was worse.” Then she perked up, and said: “We need help taking stuff to the beach.”

“Like what?”

“Some tables, food, and the keg…”

“Can I drink if I take the keg down?” I asked. The thought of alcohol made me less grumpy.

“I don’t know. They don’t want you wasted.”

“Augh! Fuck ‘em,” I muttered. “What they don’t know won’t hurt ‘em.” I slipped past her, and went for the kitchen.

I tried to hide my devious smile as I entered the kitchen. Lex and Jenny were busy with food. Abby sat on the counter, watching the girls. Zola gave me a flat stare. I threw up my wall against them. Christina might not say anything about my drinking, but Zola would. Josh leaned against the counter eating fruit.

“Ready?” Josh asked.

I walked over to the bar and pulled out the tap for the keg.

“Now I am.”

Josh laughed, Lex frowned, and I addressed her concerns, saying: ”You know I won’t listen to you anyway.” I turned to leave.

“Jason, don’t… Josh…” Lex said.

I looked at Josh. He shrugged.

As we headed for the mudroom, Lex rushed after us, grabbing Josh’s arm. When he stopped she made a strange face, as if to tell him something.

“I’ll try,” he said.

I laughed, and climbed the stairs. The keg sat in a huge iced tub by the tree. Josh and I picked it up by its rope handles and carried it down to the beach. It seemed no heavier than a pillow. I would have done the job alone, but the psycho mermaid made going to the beach in pairs a standard operating procedure. When we reached the cliff the sun was shining and swells rolled through the water. The breeze was cool, but the sun was hot — a perfect blend.

“So what’s the big deal about me not drinking?” I asked Josh as I took the lead. I balanced the tub effortlessly as we carried it down the path in the side of the cliff.

“Ya know,” he said, shrugging. “They want everything to be perfect.”

We reached the sand, and set down the tub. “Nothing is perfect,” I said.

I tapped the keg, bled the first foam from the trigger, then stuck the nozzle in my mouth, reaping my reward. When I’d gotten a good start, I offered it to Josh.

He shook his head and took it. “They’re going to be so pissed at me if you get drunk.”

“Where’s Verloren? He should be here. We didn’t give him a proper bachelor party, but we could at least have him glassy-eyed for Ash.”

He pulled the nozzle from his mouth, spitting foam on the sand. “I don’t think you need beer for that. They’re probably fucking like rabbits. Someone will have to hose them down.”

We laughed, then stopped, leaving an eerie silence. Waves crashed, acting as the soundtrack to the alcohol.

“What about you?” Josh asked. “Verloren said—”

“Is nothing fucking sacred around here?” My anger threatened a shift. I held myself together.

“Sorry man, shit…” He apologized, absorbing my anger with a shiver.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Me neither,” he mumbled. He plugged the nozzle in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

I watched the ocean. Josh drank a good share of the beer. This was easier than running around like a dog.

I looked at Josh. “Tomorrow I’m buying a plane ticket. I’m done here. I might go to Florida. It sounds good.”

”But it’ll stop after today,” Josh slurred.

“What do you mean?”

“Er… you know… the party’s over. No more weird suits or crazy plans.”

When he offered the nozzle, I declined. “We should get back. I don’t want them nagging me all day. I don’t think I have to tell you not to say a word about me leaving.”

He nodded, turned, and headed back up the cliff ahead of me.

I followed reluctantly. In my slightly buzzed view, everyone up there seemed strange. Some of it was the party, but I knew there was more to it than that. Josh stopped at the top, waiting for me. He pretended to admire the view, but he didn’t fool me. He was watching for mermaids, or worse.

We made more trips, carrying folding tables, and a twenty-foot canopy tent. We played with the tent until Coylene came down and got on our case about screwing off. She and Abigail starting setting up food. She demanded that Josh and I go to get changed. When we raced back up, the running brought back the tug big time. When we reached the tree I wanted to just keep going.

In the game room Jack and Verloren stood stiffly in their wedding get-ups: black dress pants and black long-sleeved dress shirts. At least they weren’t insisting on ties. Josh went to his place to change.

I pointed at Verloren’s bangs. “Hey, silver surfer, aren’t you going to cut that shit?”

“Ash likes it long.”

“Anything for her majesty.”

I messed up his hair as I passed. Lex came in looking hot in a form-fitting red dress and makeup. I whistled at her.

“Damn it, Jason, it’s almost time,” she snapped. “Don’t mess with his hair.”

“You’re more nervous than a bride,” I said.

“Just do as I tell you.”

“What does it matter? It’s windy as hell. No one’s hair’s going to stay in place.” I noticed her naked feet. “Where are your shoes?”

“No shoes. We’re going barefoot,” Lex said.

Verloren and Jack weren’t wearing shoes either.

“Who makes these fucking rules?” I asked, stupefied.

“Go get dressed,” Lex commanded.

Christina appeared in a black cocktail dress. She bounced around smiling.

“Why is everyone acting stupid? It’s like fucking prom around here,” I mumbled. I got to my door and a thought hit me. “I’m going to be fucking pissed if I have to dance,” I hollered.

Laughter followed me inside.

22 NEW LIGHT

At sunset we assembled on the south end of the beach. The tide was low and waves crashed against the rocks. It was a soothing sound of repetition. The sand felt good on my naked feet.

No matter what they called this it felt like a wedding. I had to stand like a best man next to Verloren. Lex stood opposite me, the same as a maid of honor. Hania stood in for the minister and the rest played their parts, forming a semicircle around us. It took forever for Ash and Abigail to show up.

Abby’s red sundress was trumped by Ash. The “bride” looked different and picture perfect. Ash wore a simple sleeveless black satin dress, long enough to drag behind her. She had tiny red flowers and rhinestones in her snow-white hair. The flowers trembled in the wind, but stayed put.

They came down the path, Ash lifting her dress to expose bright red toenails that matched her manicure. Her dress accentuated her full breasts and hips, making my mind wander as a man’s does.

Larry cleared his throat. I fought a smirk. Ash flashed me a look and dropped her head in embarrassment. For this one occasion she wore make-up. Her lips were blood red and her eyes seemed to smolder. In the hollow of her throat the small jagged rock hung from a piece of worn leather. It seemed oddly out of place.

Abigail stood with Jack and Sarah, as the two vampires shielded their eyes against the bright sunlight.

Beautiful and exotic, Ash took her place by Verloren. At that moment I was extremely jealous. How did a jackass like Verloren get a beautiful girl like her?

Kismet, Verloren told me silently.

Yeah, how could I fucking forget about all that garbage? My chest tightened, but I ignored it, focusing on what was happening.

Hania stood with his back to the sea, holding a long red satin ribbon and a thin silver chain. He sang a song like a long, gentle lullaby. It was the language of the born knowing, and I didn’t understand a word. As I looked at the others I realized they didn’t have a clue either.

Only the dragons understood. They could read his mind. It hardly mattered. It was some version of a wedding ceremony. Zola and Christina watched dreamily. Larry held his human wife, Angie’s, hand and nodded in apparent acceptance. Coylene smiled, comprehending every word, but Aubrey only gazed out at the ocean. Fabi stood off to the side, watching me anxiously.

Ash grinned at Verloren. Hania spoke as he lifted the ribbon and chain. I felt contentious enough to want an interpreter, but in truth we all knew what was going on. Verloren and Ashley faced Hania, extending their entwined fingers toward him as he continued his lullaby. He wound the chain and ribbon around their hands, binding them together.

A deep ache filled me. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly. My chest felt like fire. Larry smiled at me. Was he messing with me? As an air dragon he could manipulate his element. He read my thoughts and shook his head. He wasn’t hurting me.

Hania droned on. I caught Lex grinning evilly at me. I glared back at her.

My chest grew hotter and, gingerly, I touched my chest. If Ash was doing this she should knock it off. She glanced at me and a strange hiccup stuck in my lungs.

Ash and Verloren turned to each other, the ribbon and chain wrapped loosely around their hands. Hania continued his singing.

Tugging merged with fire, flooding my body. My heart beat faster and I began to pant. The pain increased with every breath, suffocating me. To quell the fire I held my breath, but almost passed out from lack of oxygen. When I tried to breathe normally I couldn’t help but pant. Only the roar of the ocean kept the others from noticing.

Verloren and Ash embraced and kissed passionately, raising a brief cheer. I clutched my chest, struggling to breathe. My body trembled.

Verloren and Ash beamed. I rubbed my chest and glared at Ash. “Stop,” I whispered. ”You’re projecting something that’s killing me.”

She shook her head. “I’m not doing it.”

Verloren chuckled as I pressed my thumb into my sternum. If it’s you, knock it off, I told him. I tried not to talk. Vibrations of speech would only make it worse.

“Not me,” he said.

I looked around, trying to pinpoint the culprit. All eyes were on me, not the happy couple. I looked at them stupidly. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I spun around. There stood the reason for all of it. The blood drained from my head and my body went numb. All I could feel was my heart hammering. I was face-to-face with her.

How could I have ever wanted Ash when there was Oz? She wore a simple red dress. The hem fluttered around her knees, exposing her tattoos. I saw inside of her. As her steel blue eyes looked into mine I fought to feel worthy. Wind whipped her hair. I wanted to fall to my knees.

Excited whispers filled the air. I panted, and my body shook. If I tried to move, I might have crumbled. I was speechless. She stepped toward me and, finally, I stared down at her as she smiled.

“I promised we would help you find her.” It was Verloren’s voice, but I barely heard him.

Oz touched my neck. Fire burned the back of my neck as she pulled me to her. She kissed me and I didn’t fight it. I crushed her to me, greedy for it. It wasn’t enough to have her. She needed to be a part of me; I needed to absorb her. Her touch released my pain and doused the fire.

As we broke our kiss I held onto her.

“I waited for you in Portland for a long time,” she said. Her husky voice felt like home.

She laughed, melting my heart. If I hadn’t been so stubborn, if I hadn’t fought it so hard… I flooded her neck with ravenous kisses.

Finally we looked at the others. “We did a sloppy job on purpose,” Ash said. “We thought if you shifted in Portland—”

“You guys are assholes, you know that?” I said.

Everyone laughed. “She was near,” said Verloren, “and it was hard keeping her quiet for the past couple of days. You kept pacing up and down the hallway. We thought for sure you were going to figure it out when you shifted last night.” He pulled Ashley closer.

Oz jumped, wrapping her legs around me. I gripped her, giving in to an uncontrollable craving to kiss her. I walked toward the cliff as she clung to me.

“What? You guys aren’t staying for the party?” Verloren called.

The sun had finally sunk behind the waves. Ash ignited the bonfire. I sat Oz down in the sand and took her hand. She smiled at me and it felt like the only light source I needed. She took a step toward the cliff and pulled my hand.

I grinned over my shoulder. “I don’t think so.”

I turned to Oz, and forgot about them.

23 ENOUGH PAIN

Oz pulled my arm as I followed her up the side of the cliff. The urge to be close was overwhelming. We reached the top and walked a short way. She stopped to kiss me again. My hand snaked under her dress and up her thigh. I wanted to take her there and didn’t care who knew it. Then I caught myself.

Gasping for air, I said, “I don’t even know you. Well… I know your name is Oz…”

“That’s my nickname. My real name is Nicole Ozick.”

“Um… er, Jason Zurk,” I replied, awkwardly.

Nicole laughed. “Yeah, I know.”

As she leaned back into me, something moved in the shadows. I turned to look, squinting to see what was there.

“What is it?” Oz whispered.

I listened carefully. ”Thought I saw something,” I whispered.

Her lips brushed my earlobe. When I glanced back, her eyes glowed yellow. She grabbed my belt, pressing her pelvis into mine. We wanted the same thing. But then something moved again. We both watched as a man appeared from the darkness.

“Hello, Jason.” The voice strained with false enthusiasm.

“Tyler?” I called.

He stopped a few yards from us. “You remembered me this time.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I heard through the grapevine you found your soul mate, so I figured I would come and claim what’s mine.”

“Claim what’s yours?” I asked, confused.

“Oh come on, Jason, don’t play stupid, you know what I came back for.”

“Ashley,” I said, laughing. “The fucking grapevine didn’t tell you everything. Verloren is back and they just got married. She won’t have anything to do with you.”

“I was told you would say that.” He smirked. “Even if he could come back, it’s only been a couple of years. I’m not an idiot. I do know how to count.”

“See,” a woman whispered. “He’s not going to let you by. You have to remove him.”

I looked around.

Oz peered into the shadows. “Kristy?”

Tyler stepped toward me. “You won’t stop me this time, Jason. I will have her. She and I are connected. We need to be together.”

“Kill him,” the woman whispered.

“Kristy, show yourself,” Oz demanded.

I pushed Oz behind me, keeping a protective stance. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking, Tyler, but she wasn’t meant for you. Her virus connected you, but with Verloren back, there’s nothing you can do.”

“You’re a liar,” Tyler growled, his body trembling as his eyes glowed yellow.

Something new stirred in the darkness: the shadow swimmer. She stepped up beside Tyler.

Oz peered around me. “Kristy, what are you doing here?”

“I’m eliminating any obstacles, pumpkin,” said the swimmer. “I’m going to put us back together.”

“You’re going to beat up Jason?”

“Beat him up? Is this high school? No, Oz. Tyler’s going to kill him,” Kristy laughed. “That way Tyler and I both get what we want. I get you back and he can have Ashley.”

“I’ll never forgive you if you hurt him!” Oz cried.

I wasn’t afraid to fight Tyler, but I was afraid of losing Oz. I would do anything to keep her.

“Tyler, you dipshit, you don’t want to do this,” I said. “Once you get past me you’ll have to face a beach full of fucking dragons. It’s suicide.”

“Suicide?” Tyler cackled. “Maybe for them. Having control over three elements will come in handy.”

“You’re fucking pyscho,” I said. “What? You want to kill the other dragons and eat their hearts? Don’t you remember what Ash did to Kale, Pedro and Sarah? She won’t let it happen. It’s only her virus that makes you want her. I thought that way too, assuming my love for her was deeper — but it was the virus connection, nothing else.”

“All lies,” Kristy cried. “He’ll say anything to keep you from her.”

“Why don’t you shut up, you stupid bitch?” I snarled. “If you’re a shadow swimmer, it will only take you two seconds to go and see for yourself.”

“Oh, I already know,” she said snidely. “I also know what I want.”

Tyler trembled. His eyes locked on me.

Oz spoke: “Tyler, she’s using you. She knows that Ash doesn’t want you.”

Tyler closed his eyes and shook his head, as if to clear it.

I reaffirmed Oz. “She also knows that once they find out you’ve hurt either of us, they’ll destroy you. She just wants me out of the way so she can have Oz back.”

Tyler frowned. “Enough!” he shouted, shifting.

I shoved Oz back and shifted simultaneously. Tyler leapt at me, knocking me on my back. He hovered, baring his teeth, then lunged at my throat. I thrust my forearm into his Adam’s apple. He yelped, staggering backward.

Oz screamed.

I sprang to my feet. Tyler recovered and rushed me. I swung my arm, raking my claws across his face as I spun him around. Something came loose. A sickening splatter rang through the night. His head jerked back and he roared. Skin sagged off his cheek, and a hole gaped where his eye had been. He ran at me, but I dug my feet into the ground. He tackled me like a linebacker, his shoulder smashing into my stomach. My feet slid, the wind gushed out of me, and I doubled over. He sank his teeth into my side.

I fought through the pain, slicing him with my claws. His good eye glowed, illuminating inky blood. A snort sounded behind me. Oz. She’d shifted and now flanked me. I barked at her to get back, but Tyler was after her now. I roared at him, but he only grunted and started circling her. Shouts closed in from below. The party had heard the fight. They were coming up the path with Ash leading.

Tyler saw them, but refocused on Oz, hurling himself at her.

“No!” Kristy screamed.

I launched myself at him and we collided. He toppled backwards and I landed on top of him. When I swung he caught my hand in his teeth. I curled my fingers into the bottom of his jaw, grabbed his upper muzzle with my free hand, and pried him open.

Light blinded me and I let go. Tyler’s jaw shut. There was a loud snap and my hand was free. I looked down and was minus a pinky. Tyler dragged his claws across my chest. I screamed as Oz whimpered. Yellow light shone across a blood-drenched scene.

Tyler spat out my finger, then erupted in gurgles of maddening laughter. I shoved his chin up, saw his throat, and chomped down. My teeth broke through his esophagus. He grabbed my shoulder as my teeth tore tissue. He clawed at my face and did some damage. He weakened as I bit. Muscles and tendons came loose as I jerked my head, and everything gave way.

I sat back and spat. He twitched and his remaining eye stared at nothing. His lungs pumped hungrily for air, then faded. Tyler would never breathe again.

An eerie quiet fell as I crouched, holding my wounded hand. Blood trickled down my neck and chest. I looked above me and saw a flat sheet of fire along the path, burning bright yellow. Up the path Kristy stood dazed, staring at something behind me.

Still in her shift, Oz rushed to me and applied pressure to stop the bleeding.

The whole crowd stared at Kristy. Ash kept the swimmer in a mental stranglehold.

I could have used your help holding Tyler, I told Ash.

You didn’t need my help, Ash told me. When you fight for something you love, it always puts you at an advantage.

Tell that to my fucking pinky.

Ash crossed her chest and rubbed her shoulder blade where a wing had been. Every scar is a battle won. You can’t make it out of life without any.

A strange purring came from the darkness. Animal eyes glowed beyond the path as I made out two large shadows.

“Aubrey, no,” Ash whispered.

The elf had called a cougar and a wolf for help. Kristy shivered, terrified of the animals, as they waited eagerly to pounce.

Oz, what do you want done? Ash asked, keeping her mind open so all could hear.

Someone help Jason. He’s hurt.

What about Kristy?

I don’t care. Just someone help Jason. Please!

Coylene, Lex, and Josh rushed to me, and Coylene wrapped my hand. Hania stumbled toward me, and Jenny ran to help him.

Ash and Verloren closed in on Kristy. She was no stronger or faster than a human, so when Ash dropped her hold, the swimmer turned, looking to the shadows for escape. The fire shifted, casting its light in all corners. Verloren blocked her and Ash grabbed her upper arm. “Your death will be more merciful than the rest,” Ash hissed. “Kale, Pedro, Cory, Jesse… they suffered. And do you know why they’re dead?”

Kristy whimpered and shook her head.

“Because they tried to hurt my family,” Ash said.

Kristy went slack and Ash laid her body on the ground.

We’d all frozen, watching the death scene. Coylene tapped me gently. “This will be easier if you shift back. You’re going to need a lot of stitches.”

Reluctantly, I did what she told me. I’d had enough pain.

24 THE MOMENT

My wounds quickly healed. Though I was minus a finger and plus a few scars, I had no regrets. I couldn’t have stopped myself from defending Oz.

Nicole Ozick was my world and that was a strange feeling. I’d known her for centuries, but in this life, we’d never formally met. We’d danced our ballet of search and evasion and now we’d become one entity.

I woke up each day feeling as if I was seeing something holy. She made me want to be better.

A few weeks after the attack we were all helping Jack, Sarah, and Abby move their stuff. I wasn’t sad to see Sarah go, but I knew the place would be different without her. She would move on, starting a new life with Jack and Abigail. We all knew so many vampires couldn’t share the same area.

I couldn’t thank Sarah and Jack enough for all the work they’d done to the abandoned house. It gave those of us remaining a nearby escape from the compound. It provided privacy. Verloren and Ash honeymooned there and, when I was healed, Oz and I would follow.

Time could not be stopped. Sarah and her family weren’t the only ones moving on. The gargoyles were going their own ways. Aubrey and Fabi left, along with the dragons, shortly after the ceremony. Ashley, Verloren, Oz and I stayed on with Hania. Coylene remained to assist him and take his spot when he passed.

Lex and I were carrying boxes to the barn when she nodded toward Oz ahead of us. “So what’s it like?” Lex asked.

I thought about it for a moment. “You know how when you go on vacation, everything is exciting, because it’s all new? Then after a week away, you finally unlock your door, and you’re glad to be home.”

“Yeah.” Lex nodded.

“It’s… something like that,” I said.

“Which part, the vacation or the home?”

“Both.”

I smiled as I looked at Oz and felt the pull of the scars on my face from Tyler’s attack.

Josh and Jenny’s wings beat above the treetops. Ash squealed behind us and raced past. Verloren was on her heels. They disappeared into thick brush. Verloren growled, Ash giggled. We wouldn’t see them for a while.

Wings flapped behind me, then came Josh’s low voice. “Like a couple of fucking kids.” He pulled his wings tight and shifted back to his shirtless human form. “Looks clear,” he said. “No cars for miles.”

“Tomorrow it will be you guys leaving,” I said.

Jenny landed in front us carrying a footlocker full of clothes. As she shifted she said: “Don’t think we won’t come back and visit.”

As we crossed the road toward the barn, our caravan grew eerily quiet. We loaded everything into the Lincoln, and I reluctantly handed the keys to Jack.

He looked at me apologetically. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

As the girls said their goodbyes I turned to the covered bike in the back of the barn. I headed for it, then saw Verloren doing the same. Suddenly I realized this was his bike, not mine.

Ash approached him. “I’m sorry, Verloren. I gave it to Jason.”

His face fell.

“We’ll buy you a new one,” she said.

Verloren looked at me with a smile. “Then I’m getting a turbo.”

“You’re such a one upper,” I sneered.

“Are you sure you can even ride that thing, Fingers?”

“I’ll show you a fucking finger, asshole.” I flipped him off.

“Jason, can’t you wait five more minutes before you run your mouth,” Sarah said.

Oz came up beside me and looked under the tarp. “What is it?”

“Fun at two hundred miles an hour,” I said. I pulled the tarp off. Dust flew everywhere.

“That doesn’t look safe,” she said.

I straddled the bike and patted the seat behind me. She shook her head.

“I swear I won’t go fast or do anything stupid,” I cajoled. If she’d said no, I would’ve caved. Instead she approached. I started the bike before she climbed on. “Just lean with me.”

She gripped me tight. “If I get hurt I’ll kill you.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Her touch turned my thoughts from speed to sex. Verloren’s low chuckle cut through the purr of the engine.

At least my thoughts are justified now, I told him.

Touché, he responded.

Ashley looked away, embarrassed.

Lex smiled at me and nodded. I pulled out of the barn and onto the road.

Oz gripped me tighter as I sped up. Sex versus speed — a strange, maddening Catch-22, but I enjoyed it. I drove faster and she gripped me tighter. I tried to keep my head clear, but we both knew we wouldn’t go far on the bike.

Life became as normal as our lives can get: comfortable and natural. As summer passed the house began to feel like an Ark: two vampires, two werewolves, and two witches. Then Hania died.

As inevitable as death is, we never quite accept it until it pops in for a visit. Even when it’s come for someone else, it reminds us of our own mortality. Losing Hania was like losing a father. For a time death lurked behind every corner, threatening all I’d found to live for. Verloren had shown that even immortals face death. Nothing lives forever.

The funeral was bittersweet. The cancer that had killed Hania drained some of the life from us as well. Verloren and Ash could smell the disease as it grew in his body. We’d all seen him failing, his body weakening even more in the months after Oz arrived. He bore it with a smile, comforting us when we should’ve been doing the comforting. He told us he would come back, and said his spirit would live forever. Hania knew what we needed to hear and made a gift of it.

Some people get a moment of silence. In the house we didn’t speak for a week. Then life started up again. Coylene moved her human family into her apartment. That meant her husband, Shannon, and their two sons, Jaden, 9, and Logan, 6 — two little human boys in a house full of monsters. They were a cure for silence. Their presence brought us all back to this world. When they weren’t being home-schooled by Coylene and Shannon they were usually in the game room. Despite their human psyches, they weren’t the least bit wary of us.

We made sure they never saw any of our feeding habits, but it was harder to curb my foul mouth.

Humans needed a steadier stream of supplies and when Coylene and Shannon went shopping, the kids were left in the care of us monsters.

Jaden had his mom’s fiery red hair and he tried desperately to spike it like mine. He took to shadowing me and copying everything I said. It made me more careful, but he picked up enough. Fortunately he imitated my caution too, and seldom cursed in front of his parents.

One day when we had a new game on the screen, I said: “You’re sure your mom and dad aren’t going to be mad at me for letting you play violent video games.”

On the screen he shot several zombies. He let out a cheer as the corpses fell to the ground on the screen, then turned to me. “If you don’t tell them, they can’t get mad.”

“If your mom gets pissed at me—”

“Jason,” Oz said, “don’t say the ‘p’ word.”

Six-year-old Logan sat with Oz on a nearby sofa. He had short brown hair like Shannon’s, and he was fascinated by Oz’s tattoos. He was sitting on her lap as she doodled something on his arm with a marker.

“Oh man,” I said, “Coylene is going to be pissed at you for drawing on her kids.”

Oz looked at me and smiled. “She’ll get over it. It washes off.” She finished her drawing. “There you go, Logan.”

As he jumped down, he looked at the heart with a banner through it. He recognized the word: “Mom”. His brown eyes lit up. “Cool!” he squealed. He ran down the hall calling: “Ashley, I gotta tat! I gotta tat!”

“Hey, I want to see,” Jaden called, dropping the controller to follow his brother.

“Jaden is going to want one,” Oz said, watching them disappear.

“What are you teaching those kids?”

She smiled at me and wagged the marker. “That beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

I grinned. “I want a tattoo.”

“Okay, take off your shirt.”

“I like this already,” I said. “Are you going to take off your shirt too?”

She laughed as I pulled off my shirt. Oz pushed me back, straddled me, and ran her fingers across my scars. Her touch raised goose bumps on my arms. I grabbed her thighs.

I moaned, and said: “Maybe we should take our tattoo session to the apartment.”

“Later,” she whispered.

With her free hand covering the scars she drew something on my chest. From my angle I couldn’t identify it, but I was content to watch her face. The marker slid across my skin with a light scratch. Oz brought her face closer to the design and glanced up at me.

I smiled at her. “It tickles.”

“You wouldn’t say that if it were real.”

When she was finished she looked at it and smiled. Once I got a good look at it I read “Eternally Mine” with a heart directly above my own.

“I don’t want it to wash off,” I told her.

“It won’t.”

I ran my hand through her hair and pulled her lips to mine. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer.

Jaden and Logan rushed back into the room.

Jaden yelled: “I want a tattoo!” Then he saw us kissing. “Ew! Gross! They’re kissing again!”

”You left our door open,” Ash shouted from down the hall.

“Yeah, they’ll do that,” I replied.

Oz wagged the marker at Jaden. He rushed to her side and Logan jumped on the sofa to watch. She smiled as she drew a spider on Jaden’s arm.

She knew I would do anything to keep her smiling.

The boys often begged to go to the beach and Oz always gave in. They knew the routine. I would boost the boys up toward the bottom of the tree and Oz pulled them out. I always followed behind them.

Later that day we went outside and the boys sat on a fallen log while Oz and I headed to a spot where they couldn’t see us. We stripped off our clothes and I caressed the tattoos no one else saw. I kissed her.

She pulled away from me and traced the heart she’d drawn on my chest. “The boys,” she reminded me.

“Can’t just the two of us play?”

She laughed, then shifted, and ran back the way we came. I followed.

To me she was just as attractive in her shift as in her human form. Her sleek muscles rippled when she ran.

We pick up Jaden and Logan and then headed to the beach. She raced beside me, Logan on her back, Jaden on mine. The boys’ laughter echoed through the woods, a carefree sound I had grown to love.

This was how most of our days ended. We ran in the forest and played on the beach. We lived, loved and laughed.

I lived in the moment. My life felt complete.

25 EPILOGUE

“You know, babe, when I asked for a hot tub, this isn’t exactly what I had planned,” I said.

“Jason!” Oz panted, gripping my hand, “Right now is not the time to be a fucking smartass!”

I groaned at the pressure of her grasp. “I’d like to keep the rest of my fingers, hon, and if you can cuss around the baby, then I’m going to start smoking again.”

I sat in swimming shorts with Oz in front of me, her head on my chest, and her feet on the opposing seats.

Oz glared up me through yellow eyes. Warm water barely covered her swollen belly. Her oversized shirt was plastered to her and the water made her exposed tattoos look dark. I pushed the hair away from her sweaty face.

“Jason, you’re not helping,” Ash said.

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to sound comforting. “Don’t shift, it’s almost over.” I kissed Oz’s forehead.

She crushed my hand and screamed. It killed me to see her in pain. Why did she want to do this naturally?

“Give her something!” I snapped at Coylene.

“No!” Coylene barked, squatting between Oz’s legs like a baseball catcher. “Come on, Oz, work with me! Push with the contractions!” Though she swore she’d seen this process work flawlessly, she’d also lined up an array of modern medical instruments on the edge of the tub, just in case.

“Oh my god! I can see its head!” Ash cooed over Coylene’s shoulder.

Verloren stood in the corner, his head down. Ash had demanded he be here.

Oz panted.

“Come on, Oz. One more good push,” Coylene urged. “Wait for the contraction and then bear down as hard as you can.”

I whispered into Oz’s ear: “You’re a holy being who can create a life in nine months. In my book that makes you a goddess.”

She reached above her shoulder and touched the scars on my face before sliding her hand down to my chest. Her fingers ran over the deep scars. Her face wrinkled and reddened as her body tensed. She clenched my hand as Coylene and Ash chanted: “Push! Push!”

Oz’s growl rose into a scream. Finally she breathed deeply. I sensed relief. The other two girls cried out as Coylene lifted a small lavender being out of the water.

“It’s a girl!” Coylene cried.

Verloren perked up and said something I didn’t understand.

Coylene wrapped the baby with a towel, rubbing it gently. Lavender faded, replaced by a full pink color. Verloren rushed over and waited on the edge of the tub with us. Finally the baby let out one sharp cry, then quieted. Coylene grabbed a rubber ball and cleaned its face.

Verloren and Coylene sang a joyous tune. Ash’s eyes overflowed with black tears. She gripped Verloren and sobbed. Something in their faces looked wrong to me.

“What is it?” I cried, my stomach sinking.

“Nothing,” Coylene sobbed.

She handed the pink bundled form to Oz. The tiny thing had a mass of black hair above a pinched face. Oz looked down at her creation. She’d fallen in love with something other than me. I didn’t mind.

Everything seemed surreal as Coylene busied herself with instruments and the umbilical cord. This was it — fatherhood. This is what it felt like to help create a life. I looked up at our trio of friends. My throat was tight and my eyes tingled. I swallowed hard. Coylene and Ash were wiping their faces.

Verloren’s face was drawn. Unable to produce tears, he cleared his throat. His voice broke when he spoke: “So are you ready for the kicker?”

What did he mean? I wondered. Did he know what she was? Was she human? Werewolf? Or something else? Possibilities raced through my head.

Verloren looked at my daughter, and laughed. “Welcome back, Jessica.” His voice broke, and he sobbed, recalling the friend he’d had to help pass from this world.

“What?” My eyes stung. “You’re shitting me!” I looked down at this black-haired baby girl. Where was the bouncy redhead Verloren was talking about?

“I wouldn’t shit you, Jason… you’re my favorite turd,” Verloren said with a chuckle.

Oz turned from our daughter. Though she was ours, her soul was her own, and it was also that of a friend — one of the kindest souls I’d ever known. If Jessica’s soul was our daughter’s, I knew everything would be all right. Oz sensed it and smiled at me through her tears.

I looked at Verloren and thought, friend, and then to Ash, family. I gazed at Oz, love, and then at the tiny Jessica, life. Everything, my life, my love, and even my friends who were family, had come full circle. I thought about Hania’s words: There are so many varying degrees of love that you kids don’t understand. For the first time, I did understand. Joyously I sobbed.

“Don’t cry, tin man,” Ash whispered, “You might rust.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

C.V. Hunt is the author of the Endlessly trilogy, How To Kill Yourself, Zombieville, Thanks For Ruining My Life, Other People’s Shit, and Baby Hater.